Can striving for perfection actually hinder your success? Join me, as we dissect the fine line between excellence and perfectionism in this eye-opening episode of Creatively Balanced. You'll uncover how excellence is about setting realistic, achievable goals fueled by self-motivation and a keen awareness of your own limits. We'll also tackle the darker side of perfectionism, a mental health issue that can lead to severe consequences like anxiety and depression. By breaking down the three types of perfectionism—self-oriented, other-oriented, and socially prescribed—we'll expose the damaging effects each has on your well-being.
In this episode, I shed light on the telltale signs of perfectionism, especially in high-achievers such as artists, athletes, and performers. Discover how behaviors like procrastination and the obsession with producing flawless work can trap you in a cycle of stress. I also delve into potential roots of perfectionism, such as past experiences and societal pressures. Most importantly, we'll explore practical strategies for overcoming these challenges, including the value of therapy and coaching. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a step toward a healthier, more balanced life. Tune in and take the first step toward freeing yourself from the shackles of perfectionism.
Can striving for perfection actually hinder your success? Join me, as we dissect the fine line between excellence and perfectionism in this eye-opening episode of Creatively Balanced. You'll uncover how excellence is about setting realistic, achievable goals fueled by self-motivation and a keen awareness of your own limits. We'll also tackle the darker side of perfectionism, a mental health issue that can lead to severe consequences like anxiety and depression. By breaking down the three types of perfectionism—self-oriented, other-oriented, and socially prescribed—we'll expose the damaging effects each has on your well-being.
In this episode, I shed light on the telltale signs of perfectionism, especially in high-achievers such as artists, athletes, and performers. Discover how behaviors like procrastination and the obsession with producing flawless work can trap you in a cycle of stress. I also delve into potential roots of perfectionism, such as past experiences and societal pressures. Most importantly, we'll explore practical strategies for overcoming these challenges, including the value of therapy and coaching. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a step toward a healthier, more balanced life. Tune in and take the first step toward freeing yourself from the shackles of perfectionism.
Hello and thank you for joining me on today's episode of Creatively Balanced. My name is Dr Angelia Williams and I am a researcher, a peak performance coach, a psychological skills coach, a professional vocal coach and a proud member of the American Psychological Association. Today, we're going to discuss the difference between excellence and perfectionism. What are some indicators that I am excellent and what are some indicators that I am a perfectionist? Is there anything wrong with being a perfectionist? Is this a maladaptive practice and, if so, what are some tools and strategies that can help me overcome it? What is the difference between the pursuit of excellence and perfectionism? Excellence and perfectionism look very different mentally, ok. So the definition of excellence is the quality of being outstanding or extremely good, at the top of your game in whatever it is that you do. That is what excellence entails.
Speaker 1:
Okay, some signs that you are reaching for excellence. You are goal oriented Okay, and those goals that you set are realistic. You are realistically goal oriented Okay, and that's what is driving you right A realistic goal. We're not talking about you reaching for something that is absolutely impossible. We're talking about you are being driven towards a realistic goal that is specific and measurable. Okay, that's important that it is specific, the goal is specific and it is measurable. What do I mean by it is measurable? I mean that you can say, in three months, I can do this In six months. My goal is to do this right. You have markers along the way as you are working toward your goal. You work hard, but you give yourself reasonable parameters. Now, reasonable is subjective, right? Reasonable depends on who you're talking to and who you are referring to. I may be able to work out for two hours straight, right. Someone else may only be able to do an hour. Someone else can be in the gym all morning. It depends on the person. It people. We all have different. We all have different measures of what we can do things right. A lot of that is based on skill. Some of that is based on our our physical health right, how physically fit we are. Some of that is just simply based on tolerance, how much we can take. So that is subjective. But a person that is excellent, they know their limits. They know their limits because whatever they're doing, they've done it over and over and over, okay, redundantly. So they're very aware of what their limits are. You are self motivated. That is a huge one. Are you are self motivated. That is a huge one. People that live in excellence and they dwell in excellence don't need to be told to do something they don't need. They don't need a pep talk, they don't need to constantly be reminded. They are genuinely self motivated. It's called intrinsic motivation. That's something that they don't deal with. Okay, you know, having needing to be told what to do, when to do it, how to do it. They figure all of that out as they go. Reaching for excellence has a realistic view on a goal. You may be hard on yourself, but the things that you reach for are not absolutely impossible and unrealistic. Okay, those are indicators of excellence.
Speaker 1:
Now, perfectionism is actual. It's actually considered a mental health issue. It is a tendency to demand unrealistic things of oneself or of others. Someone that deals with perfectionism demands flawless performance and execution every time from everyone, including themselves. And I'm not talking about someone that reaches for excellence. I mean in excess, I mean unrealistically. I mean someone that has the flu, but they, you know they have this, this goal of I'm going to, even with the flu, I'm going to give a flawless execution of Mozart's Alleluia, which has a high C, that is. That is really unrealistic. It's really unrealistic. Okay.
Speaker 1:
Now, the problem with perfectionism is that research shows perfectionism is, is, is it has friends, right, which are depression, anxiety, eating disorders and other mental health issues. So perfectionism within itself is not really the issue. It's the root of other issues. Right, it's the root of other issues. There are other mental health things that accompany perfectionism, which is the issue. That's the root of the problem.
Speaker 1:
Okay, if you never feel adequate, if you always hold on to your work and will not release it Now, that's something that I see a lot in singers they write songs or they record music, whether they wrote it or not, and they will not release it. They will work on it for years. It just never seems good enough. That's something that I have seen time and time and time again, and the thought of releasing what they have recorded, or the thought of releasing something into the public, for public scrutiny, scares them. Okay, so a lot of perfectionism is rooted in fear. It is rooted in fear and it is rooted in feelings of inadequacy.
Speaker 1:
Okay, your performance, or your lack thereof, will be directed by perfectionism. That's how you can tell. You know, it's almost like you lose control. You have no control over your thought process when it comes to your work. You have no control, and that's problematic. Your work, you have no control, and that's problematic.
Speaker 1:
So there are three types of perfectionism, and I hear people using the term perfectionism with no insight, because perfectionism is is an umbrella term In research. There are three different types of perfectionism. Okay, you have self oriented perfectionism, where your self worth is directly linked to achieving not just a task but an unrealistic task, which means you are measuring your worth against whether you achieve something that is not even realistic. Okay. The next type of perfectionism is other oriented perfectionism. That means that the self worth of others is directly linked to unrealistic standards. So that means that you are looking at others and you are measuring their self worth against unrealistic standards, which means they will never live up to what you, what the measuring rod that you have set, because it's unrealistic. Okay.
Speaker 1:
The last type of perfectionism is socially prescribed. Now, socially prescribed perfectionists often believe that if they do not perform at a level that is expected by others, they will fail completely or lose affection within specific relationships and in specific spaces. Now I'm going to tell you where socially prescribed comes in the most, or one of the places that it comes in the most is social media. So a lot of times, people feel and I have learned this throughout not only the literature, but through my own research, right, because my research is with professional soul singers and one thing that I noticed was that a lot of times, the individual would base their self-worth, their level of talent and we're not talking about people that are at a novice level, we're talking about professional singers that tour, professional singers that are paid to do what they do A lot of times, they will measure their self-worth against what is said or done on social media, or a lack of engagement on social media, a lack of likes, right, a lack of comments. A lot of times, I am seeing where singers attach that to whether they're worthy or attach that to whether they're talented Right, and that is a perspective that you have to be very, very careful of, and it is a perspective that is worth you investigating.
Speaker 1:
Why am I feeling this way? And getting to the root of what is really going on with you? Because it may be a certain level of perfectionism, okay. Now, if you feel like perfectionism is plaguing you, if you have these types of issues, you may need therapy. You may need therapy or you may need to talk with a psychological skills coach. It depends on how severe your perfectionism is, because, just like many other things, when it comes to mental illness there's a spectrum. There's a spectrum. So if you feel like you know what, I just need to change my perception and my perspective, then get a good psychological skills coach or peak performance coach. If you feel like this is really bad, this is really really bad, then you need to see a licensed clinician, because there is some deeper work that needs to go into.
Speaker 1:
Why you? Because sometimes we become perfectionist because of our childhood and you know things that were said or done or expectations there's that word again expectations that were put on us when we were young, and I'm not talking about your own self motivation, I'm not talking about that intrinsic motivation, right? I'm talking about things that are done and said to children that negatively impact them as adults, and so there may be some deeper work that needs to happen there. So how do I know if I suffer from perfectionism? What are some indicators? Okay, one indicator is that you will not release work. You just hold on to it like it's a child that needs to be protected. Now, we all as artists because I'm an artist as well and I understand how important it is, like when you write something that becomes your baby, if it's like a personal experience that you wrote about, then you become really protective. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about you have a rising fear every time you need to release something and you just want. Or you, you need to release something and you just won't, or you.
Speaker 1:
Procrastination is a huge, huge thing. With perfectionism, they're like cousins, right? You procrastinate because you're dealing with perfectionism, not because you're just procrastinating and that's another topic that I'm going to do an episode on as well at some point because perfectionism and procrastination go hand in hand oftentimes, right. So you procrastinate, you just kind of put things off. Not that you're not doing the work. We're not talking about not doing the work. We're talking about you're doing the work and you still refuse to release it. Okay, you're constantly full of anxiety when it comes to your work, whether you just feel anxious, or whether talking about it makes you anxious, or the thought of releasing something makes you really anxious and uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:
Okay, and I'm talking about beyond normal measures, right, if you feel less than worthy, if you feel less than worthy, if you are comparing yourself to others and you constantly feel less than worthy, then you may be dealing with some perfectionism. Less than worthy, then you may be dealing with some perfectionism If you obsess over everything. I mean compulsively obsess over every single note, every single word. And I am not talking about excellence, ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about obsession, obsession, excellence, obsession, excellence, perfectionism. Obsession goes in the bucket with perfectionism, not excellence. Okay, another indicator is that nothing ever feels good enough. Nothing that you do ever feels good enough, no matter how hard you work, no matter how hard you strive, no matter the progress that you, everyone else can see the progress, but you may not be able to see it. You may be dealing with perfectionism. That is a huge one.
Speaker 1:
If you feel depressed and sad whenever you complete specific tasks, whenever you complete any task. Okay, now, I say specific because I am talking in a work context, especially performers, and we're talking about high achieving performers, right, that is my client base. So performing artists, pastors, athletes, actors, dancers, visual artists, you know these are high performance domains and in within that, the work is always highly scrutinized, always highly scrutinized. You're always required to give a certain level of work, but the thing is, and that can cause mental strain and mental stress within itself. But if you are unwilling to release it or if you feel sad and depressed and heavy, then you may be dealing with some perfectionism. Ok, now this is another big one the opinions of others control your internal narrative. Control your internal narrative.
Speaker 1:
Now, of course, when you are a performing artist let's just take that profession, for instance If you're a performing artist and you release something, of course you want the public to like it. But if they don't and you release something, of course you want the public to like it, but if they don't, you have to have the self-confidence and you have to be fortified enough where that cannot alter your internal narrative about yourself. Meaning you should not feel not talented anymore because you released a song and it wasn't received well. That's okay. Some of your largest artists ever have released music and it just didn't go well, have released music and it just didn't go well. It's a part of the industry, it's a part of the game, you know. I mean it's just. It comes with the territory.
Speaker 1:
Now, if you are being manipulated mentally because everything that you do is not loved, because things like music and dance and art any type of art is highly subjective, you have people that will absolutely adore what you do and you have people that may genuinely hate it. That cannot change your internal narrative. If it does, then that is an issue. That is an issue and that is something that you need to rectify within yourself and figure out what that is. Are you dealing with some level of perfectionism? Are you dealing with some level of perfectionism or do you need to build your confidence in yourself and in your craft overall? That may be an issue as well. So, if you are dealing with anything that looks like perfectionism and I mean anything it doesn't matter how small it seems, because small grows into large Okay, small grows into large. Have you ever had an opportunity that was huge and you turned it down? Have you ever had an opportunity that presented itself and you decided not to do it? It's almost like a self-sabotage Then that is an issue with perfectionism and that is something that you need assistance with.
Speaker 1:
Okay, you need assistance with that. There are things that you can do to help with perfectionism, but if you're, if if you are on the severe side of the spectrum, then I I would, in my professional opinion, tell you that you need assistance getting over that obstacle, because tips and strategies may not be enough for you. You may need someone with you to walk you through that journey, and don't ever have an ego too big to ask for help. In the human experience, we all have things that we need help with and it's okay. It's okay. It doesn't deem you as weak, it doesn't deem you as not talented. It just means you're human like the rest of us, and sometimes we need assistance in different areas. Your area may be different than another person's, but we all need each other, so utilize that. But we all need each other, so utilize that. Thank you so much for joining me on today's episode of Creatively Balanced. And remember it is great to be creative, but be a creative and still human.
