Hey Art, what's going on? What? Have we done the intro yet? Not yet. Do the intro. You just want to get it over with. Hey there, welcome to another episode of Busted Review Mirror. No regrets, just a road ahead. I love it. I know, I gotta stop that giggling. Okay, let's do it again. No, keep that. Check. Oh, because I'm giggling. Hey there, welcome to another episode of Busted Rearview Mirror. No regrets, just the road ahead. Okay. I am super, super duper excited. You know how we overuse the word excited. I'm so excited. I'm very excited to talk to you again today. Because every time I talk to you, I learn something new. Really? Yeah. After 30 years. Still something new. Yeah. I learn something new about you all the time, and I want to learn just a little bit more. Just a little bit more tonight. Are you open? Ready to tell your story? Maybe. Yeah. Once again, I want to invite those of you who have not yet subscribed or who are not yet following us. For some of you, I had sent a link to you so that you could hear the podcast itself. However, to follow us, you want to go on some sort of platform, whether it's Spotify, you can look for us there, you can Apple podcast. IHeartRadio podcast and different things like that, anywhere podcasts are, and hit the follow button or the plus button so that you can be notified when we have a new episode. And so I'm really happy to have you as part of our podcast family. You're so good at this. Am I? Yes. You're so funny. Alright what's happening with you? What? Yeah. What kind of question is that? I just want to know what's going on with you. Man, you caught me off guard on that one. Because I'm in the middle, of a transition. Okay, I don't want to disclose details, but right just like Lots and lots. It's too much to even talk about all good Yeah, it's not bad stuff. It's just and honestly, when we talk about, you know doing this podcast It's rooted in, gratitude and favor. We've been really blessed and favored and We're grateful Very much and just want to really keep focus on what's important and what isn't. Yeah, in the midst of the chaos, in the midst of the discomfort, we're learning to sit in it. Instead of running, and we've already talked, instead of running from it, avoiding it, distracting yourself. Yeah. Whatever, really sit in it. Wow. That's new for a lot of us. Because when things start not feeling so good, I grab my bucket of popcorn and binge watch my Netflix. So when we're uncomfortable, what do we do? We binge. We run. We escape. We eat. Whatever. Yeah. Yeah, that's a whole nother podcast right there. A whole nother other. A whole nother other. But I'm excited to talk to you today. Or now. I'm excited to talk to you now. And, hey, one question I was thinking of was What's your earliest memory of us being in the car together? Oooooh. Do you remember? I do remember one, other than picking you up. Huh. Yeah. And I don't know if it's our earliest event, but I remember taking the Honda. Yeah. And we took a drive. When? At night. Okay. And we ended up parking at some quarry. It was like a rock quarry or a construction site. Do you remember that? Yeah, I do remember that. And I don't know if that was the first time we held hands. We, were we in a car together? No. Yes we were. No, we went for, it was a late night drive. I dunno how late it was. It was dark. I know that. But we went for a drive and we parked Not that kind of, it wasn't that, it was just, we were sitting there parked and we were holding hands and just sitting there parked and talking. I remember that. And I remember you used to drive your stick shift, whatever car that was. Is that what it was? So I had your hand on my hand while we were driving. We were so cheesy, but yes, I remember that. So you were holding my hand. And then you were reaching across to shift the gear as we drove and that, oh my god. I was like, oh. It was going, that was early. That was early on. Yeah. Yeah, I remember that. That was exciting. Okay. See, car memory. Cars. Cars. Always cars. It's always cars? How do you describe our relationship in three words? I already have this one. You have this one? Yeah, we talked about it on the way home. That's right, from Michigan, right? So my answer was, it is a gift. It's a gift. A gift. Yeah, and honestly, and I think I've already mentioned this, I don't know how, the only way we grow is in relationship with other people. You really, I don't know how the people could grow without that. Other people, relationships, I mean like real relationships. I don't and I always used to do this when I was young. I want to go off to the mountains and be alone and, don't bother me. And, I'm going to live in nature with the animals. And that's okay. I don't, I just, I don't know how I don't know how you would come back from that and function in society, first of all. But in society itself, I don't know how you can grow personally. without being in a relationship and specifically in a close relationship. And I think about it more so in the context of a marriage, like a committed, I have chosen you and I chose to stick this out kind of marriage. Because you realize, how selfish you are or not selfish, but self centered, the world revolves around you. And then when there's somebody else that you have to think about, So the gift is that dynamic if done well and done right leads to personal growth. You grow up, you become more mature, you become a better human being. Yeah, sure. Sure, I just, I don't think, I think it would be if you were both I don't know if you're ever always on the same page, but when you're really on the same page, your growth is exponential. So yeah, you can grow. You can grow on your own. It's sometimes lonely. You might be ahead of your partner or somewhere different than your partner or, that's just the dynamic of a relationship. But if you work those differences, like I think we do, especially when we're doing well, you feed into each other. Those differences help you become better. Wow. I do remember saying to you in our relationship that if we're not growing, we're not having. Yeah. I think that's one of our, that's one of our key because we both want to grow. We don't want to be stagnant. We've never been interested in the same. Okay. I'm going to get to a level of comfort and then I'm done. Yeah. That's just never been our game. Okay, our daughter is calling. Did you pause her? No. Is she on the phone? Oh, good. Okay. Yeah. So growth is really important. Yeah, and we share that value. So again, we talk about, the differences, but yet that's one of the values that we share. Yeah. And fleshing that out is, what makes it good. I love growing with you, And it's amazing to be in a relationship where you can look back and say, my goodness, yeah, you've come a long way. Yeah. Yeah. Cause God knows we have not always been on the same page with that. Oh yeah. Yeah. We get stuck and we get set and we don't want to change or, I remember those parts of our relationship where it's opportunity. I should say the oppositions would happen and we wouldn't see the opportunity in it and we would feel like I'm done. I just, I want to go. I do remember though, thank you for being my biggest fan but maybe we'll talk about that later. We'll talk about that later. But what is the one thing that you love about me that you love? You have not told me yet. Let me see. That I have not told you? The one thing you love about me that you've never told me before. Oh, man. I tell you stuff all the time. What do you love about me that you've never told me before? But I tell you what I love. You do tell me what you love. Is there anything hidden? You're like, nope. I told you everything. Nothing's jumping out at me. It's not like I've got this secret love I'm never going to tell her. I don't know. Let's see if I can answer that. With regards to one thing I love about you that I have never told you before. What you got? I love, I told you I love the back of your head. Yeah, and I told you I love your ankles. So we have these weird I do I love the back of your head and I love the way it's shaped but you've told me that I did I have told you that I don't think about it's a tough one Yeah And I love how you love me pause that. Yeah pause that question. Okay, we'll pause it And come back But what's the most adventurous road trip? That we've ever been on That's an episode in and of itself. That is an episode in and of itself. Was that Chicago? On the way? Chicago, Washington D. C., Cleveland. Did we go to Cleveland? No, we didn't go to New York City. New York City, Washington d. C., Chicago. That was the entire episode. And then the trip overseas and then coming back and then the trip to Cleveland. So that's a whole that's a four part series that hands down, most exciting, craziest. We've had good road trips, but that one bar none is tops. Got it. So can you tell me what is the one thing you've learned about yourself as a result of our relationship? One thing. Tell me more. Tell me more. What did you learn about yourself? There is so much. You encourage me. I've probably become braver. More outgoing, more outspoken more willing to speak up and speak out. Wow. So probably the one, here's the biggest thing that I think I learned, and I've told you this before, I would watch you when you went to church. Church folk, they get in the same old, praise the Lord, which is fine. That's okay. But after a while, it becomes It's just something you do. It's hello. Hey, what's up? There's it's there's not much thought into it and I can't speak, you know The one saying that maybe there is but after a while you hear it from everybody and it just after a while sounds like it's Just a ritual, right? You I would watch and you would go up to people and you would say you looks beautiful today. You look smashing today I love your hair. I love your shoes you would say these very personal things that was outside this it was off script And I would watch how it would catch people off guard because they were not used to it. They were used to, we're used to the same old standard. Hey, it's like going to the store, how are you? And you could say I'm dying. And the cashier wouldn't even be, Oh, that's nice. And check you out. Cause we just get so used to these things. But you would say these things and I would watch people's faces light up. They would glow and I would see this change in their countenance and it was magic. And so over the years, I may have thought these things, but to say them, I probably would never have said them. So over time, I've learned that you have to say these things. If you're thinking something, say it. And so I have. I've learned to watch how people change when you speak these things, and they sometimes will look at you like they have never heard anything so positive in their entire life. They glow. Yeah. So that probably is the one thing that stands out. And I've got story after story how I would do that at various jobs. And people, they're like, it's it's magnetic and people are So you're saying that you learned that you have that ability to Yeah. To really affect a life. Yeah, and because of watching you I, I'd put my toe in the water and I would start to do it. Slowly, maybe uncomfortably at first, and after a while it becomes second nature. Yeah. And it's not that anything is expected in return, it's genuine. I don't, it's not I make stuff up. You don't do that. It's legit. So if you're going to say something nice, it's got to be real. Yeah. But I would do that at work, and I, countless examples, and I do it even today. People need to know that they're valued. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so when you as a person go and speak to them and you instill that value, like they matter, it's just, it's powerful. And again, no malicious intent. There's nothing about it. It's just, it's genuine. And I've heard pastors or other people say that, your smile may be the only smile they see all day, all week, that kind of stuff. And so when you realize the power of the impact that has, it's, it's, you say it. Yeah. It is so amazing and I think I, I told that story there's just so much where that is concerned but I remembered NLW speaking that to me after doing a friend's wedding and I said to him, I want my wedding just like that and he said, that means I gotta check him out. Make sure he's worthy. I gotta make sure he's worthy. Are you worthy? Arthur You're here, right? I hope so. Marriage. You didn't I? Marriage You didn't. I Yeah. That's powerful. And it's, that's it is because it changed. It's simple, but it's not, it literally changed the trajectory. Of my entire life. I don't know that I looked at myself as if you had that value. As if I had that value. Until he said that. And he said, I gotta make sure he's worthy. I was trying to measure up to, because you were out of my league. That's how I was feeling. Yeah, and the funny thing about that is I never would have imagined that I was out of your league. Wow. I didn't have that standard. I didn't look at myself as if somehow you were beneath me or I was, I didn't, so you're looking at me this type of way and I'm thinking I'm not worth I'm you know I'm my sense of worth and value is in the tank So when you tell me these things I'm going what oh my gosh, but you return the favor you return the favor so after You know prior to us getting married I remember we were breaking up and making up and breaking up and making up and all of that And I remember you came to me afterwards And you were like i'm not going anywhere You said i'm here for the long haul You said because I see where you're going I don't want to miss it. I miss it You And I was like, what? I'm going somewhere? Surprise! So I started to, I was telling, some friends of mine, I said, So I started acting, like I was going somewhere. That's fun to watch, because you were doing it. So the thing that I saw you were doing, and yeah. Oh my gosh. And so I believed it. I felt like I needed to be about something. Yeah. Because of what you said, so. What a lesson in speaking our hearts and speaking our, I hate that thing, speaking our truth. That's so twisted and distorted, so that's a statement I won't make. Your truth is like not the truth sometimes. Not the truth, my truth. My truth isn't necessarily the truth. It's my truth, and that's the way it is. That's what that means. I'm speaking my truth. Yeah, but when you said that it was like something. I remember one of my friends said, Sue, you know who you are. Did you know where you were going? I said, nope, not a clue. Not a clue. But I just kept putting one foot in front of the other because of what you said. I believed it. That's remarkable. It's amazing. It is absolutely amazing. Oh, all that blows my mind. Much, much. The one thing that I've learned. About myself through our relationship is that I am about something that I can be about something that I can, and in all honesty, I always feel and have felt ever since I met you, that God has been speaking to me through you, that he has been same. It's the same treating me. Yeah. He's been favoring me through you. It's just incredible. Okay, but if our relationship like was a song, you know where I'm going with this. I don't know. What song would that be? What song would that be? What song is that you sing all the time? Yes. The Susie mix. That's one of them. Let's see, she used to be so nice. What's the other one? Um, they don't know what that song, what those songs are. I know, I'm just kidding. What would our song, what would a song be? I'd have to give that one thought, because my whole entire head is songs. Explain what you're talking about with the Suzy remix. I have taken popular songs. And you've just remixed the lyrics. We'll just put it that way. Yeah, we won't sing it. And they're pretty funny. No, we won't sing them, but they're pretty funny. And they make no sense, but they're our songs, so it's fun. The song that I love, I gotta song lyric when you're done. Okay, go for it. That's a single lyric. And I've said it to you repeatedly over the years, comes from a Bruce Springsteen song, from Born to Run, and it says, I love you with all the madness in my soul. You love me with all the madness in your soul. That's a powerful lyric, it's not exactly what it says, but it says with all the madness in my soul. You do? I do. I have. That's why we're sitting here. Yeah, that's it. That's not a whole song, because that song's not about that. But that was the lyric that always stood out. Wow. What is the most memorable car related experience we've had together? We've had so many. Oh, dear God. Where do I begin? Niagara? Yeah, yeah. How was it? Yeah, I'll tell you what it was magnificent to me because all those there we were driving like over these cliffs, just Looking down. Remember we had to go from Monterey to the forest And We were up in the morning. No, not the Moki Dugway is one thing which was incredible Anyway, but when we were hitting that journey early in the morning and what car were we doing? We were driving a little Cooper. Yeah, it was a Coop Cooper. Yeah. Mini Cooper. Mini Coop. And I'm like, dude, these roads are like winding and there's a big giant cliff and it's dark and it's scary. It was scary to me. A lot of driving. Yeah, we've done a lot of driving. We have lots of memories in cars. I don't know. I'd have to think about one that really jumps out. That trip to Chicago was a trip. Yeah, we'll catch that on another episode. But it's amazing to me how many, if not directly in the car, but how much of our lives revolve around cars. Either as demarcations of periods of time in our life or cars themselves. Yeah, it was. Wilma Berry, Wilma Berry, the rust buckets and the ones that fall apart and the ones and all of that. And the good ones. Yeah. But yeah, cars. Cars, they're pivotal and it's a lot of it has to do with where we live. You live in New York City, you don't need a car. Yeah, exactly. Where we live. Yeah. We need cars. Definitely. So if you could go back in time and give yourself relationship advice, what would it be? There's never a right time. Because Lord knows I dragged my feet for seven years. There was a lot of personal turmoil and chaos and, things to work through. I don't know if I would change that. It's easy to say on this side of the fence. But yeah, take a risk. No, just take a risk more quickly. Really? With your heart. Instead of playing it safe and waiting until everything is perfect. You made me wait, y'all. Sorry, honey. My bad. My bad. Yeah, I would have done that differently. Really? It's really funny because that didn't even happen. until the people around us started pushing us. True, yeah true. Yeah, started giving us hints Free, yeah, we won't say that, but anyhow, yeah, so people Like free what? What do you, free milk and the cow? We won't touch that. No, don't touch that. But, it, I remembered we had gone on vacation, too. My sister says I thank God for my family. Yeah, I really do because I've got amazing sisters and brothers amazing every last one of them And art has some amazing brothers. They are just Amazing guys and Anyway, one of my sister's husband said to us They were kind. They took us in. They allowed us to come to separate rooms. There was none of that. They weren't playing with that. But they allowed us to come stay in our unmarried state. They were very gracious. Very gracious. Until my brother in law said, The benefits of marriage without marriage. That's what he said. In his accent. Yep. Ah, the benefits of marriage without marriage. And from where I come from. I didn't need, to me it was no big deal. It's what you do. There was no, Oh, you should be married before you do. I, that just didn't, I did not register with me. Not where you come from. Me, I'm like, Hey, go shack up and Hey, it's cool. Whatever. I didn't have that frame of reference. So it was probably a wake up call. Oh, that's not going to fly here. Yeah. And when he said that, I was like, Okay. Alright, the fun's over. Now it was staring us in the face. Yeah, it just began. You're either gonna make or break this thing. Yep. Yeah, whatcha gonna do? My mom also sat me down one day and she was like, Susan, don't you think you should settle down? Nope. No, not ready. I'm good. Fine. Then my dad. Oh man, your dad used to scare me. Yeah, dad said, I don't want to take too long. Yeah, so we were definitely coaxed in that direction because we were either going to face the music. It was never mean. It was never belligerent or pushy or forceful. It was just there. Yeah. It pricked your conscience that, oh, ah, yeah. And I think they saw the potential in us as well. Yeah, I don't think they would. I think they would have tried to be a little more firm and that this is not happening. Yeah. And they never did that. They were very gracious. Ah, just, I'm so grateful that I got a chance to chat with you today and I'm going to ask you I thought these were going to be like softball questions. Softball questions? No, and I'm going to say if you were to share a life lesson tonight, what would that be for you? A life lesson from what we talked about. In terms of relationship? In terms of life. Just life. What's important, what isn't? Probably, and I'm learning this, and it might be a symptom of age or, it might just be personal growth or whatever. Yeah, just the, you really try to figure out what matters the most. Most. And I think the lesson that I'm having to learn is proactively what do you want? I've always lived my life based on what I don't want. I would react, don't want what I don't want. And it's easier. I think a lot of us, maybe all of us do that. I don't want that. I don't want that. And like you always say what do you want? What do you want? And then you go in and try and frame that. No. What do you want? Default. No, I don't. No. What do you want? Yeah. And again, I tell you this, and it's not meant to sound cheesy, hokey, mushy but with you I wanted you, and that's what led me to make the decision I made, which was counter to, as we've talked, what was familiar, what I knew, what I grew up with, what was expected, all of that. But I was not, so had I not decided to ask you to be married, it would have been I can't or I won't, I don't, it would have been, it would not have been because I wanted to, it would have been a reaction meaning I can't because whatever, and then I wouldn't have done it. And then I would have kicked myself, I would have regretted that, so sometimes the things that we rebel against, if you slow down and stop and think about it, those very same things you're rebelling against are still what's driving you. As opposed to, I have a vision, I have a goal, I have something to shoot toward that becomes in what you drive towards. So otherwise it's that thing that you're rebelling against default. That thing you're rebelling against is what your fuel is and it's not healthy. But like with you, I got to a point where I made that decision that, okay, this is you. So it wasn't a rebellion. It wasn't a reaction. It wasn't, I'm being all the know. It was directed at you, toward you. So younger self would be focused more on what you do want. As opposed to stop. But that was my whole childhood. And there's, I don't know, we could talk about it whenever, but there's deep seated reasons as to why that was my M. O. You know, some of that story. I really want to hear it because I'm not making the connection. I gotcha. Yeah. Yeah. So you would be a prime example and there's other examples like with jobs or with, you, it's okay. I want this. Yeah. And you set your mind on it and then you strive toward it. It can sound like self help and all that, but it's really true. Cause if you don't have a target, What are you hitting? What did Jesus say? What will you have me to do? What do you want? Thou be made whole. You gotta know. You gotta know. You gotta make a decision. What do you want? Yeah. But that would be my advice to younger self. Wow. Thank you again for joining us for another episode of Busted Rearview Mirror. It has been a true pleasure. Talking to you Mr. Orritt. Oh, me? Yeah, to you. Awww. Yeah. I like our chats. And please remember, keep driving, keep exploring. And creating your own car stories. Creating your own car stories. Peace out. Peace out? Really? Bye.