Please, Tell Me More.

Susanna Banana. What is up, Arthur? Hey welcome once again to another episode of Busted rear view mirror with art and Susie. No regrets. Just the road ahead. I love that. I love that. Because we have learned not to regret and quite honestly, it hasn't always been a smooth road, but we have seen just stepping back. How it's been beneficial and how it helped us grow. Always learning. So welcome once again to another episode. For those of you who are not subscribers or followers, we are asking that you subscribe and support us and follow us for more episodes so that you'll know when we put a new episode out. Remember. These episodes come out on Tuesdays,. And we are really excited to share what we've learned, and to share what we're learning. Listen, we are not the experts. We ain't got it all figured out yet. We've got no secret. The secret to a really good relationship. Oh, we're so awesome. Yeah, we don't have any of that. I just know that the journey so far has been so amazing. Pretty wild. Yeah, it's, really been full of mercy and favor and gratitude. We are grateful. All right. So tonight let's get down into the nitty gritty of things and I'm going to leave it all to Arden. Oh, I get to ask a question it's the only question I thought of in between episodes. I'll come up with more. I was thinking about this today. What would I ask? And some of it I know, but. So you, coming from Jamaica at age 14, to the east side of Youngstown, you want to talk about a culture of shock. So I am interested to hear your take, or your experience, or your thoughts, what it was like. Wow. That is such a good question. And when I think of the process, I think of when I lived in Jamaica, right? And we are a family of six siblings, three guys and three girls. The Brady Bunch. The Brady Bunch. The Brady Bunch. And girl, guy, girl, guy, girl, guy, in that order. And when we were leaving Jamaica, we had a lot of very sad friends, who were like, Oh my God, the Johnsons are leaving. We're like leaving our church, which was like a huge family. Your dad was a minister. Yeah. My dad was, so he was the first one in the States. He was the first one in the States. His assignment was here. He eventually brought all his kids. He brought all his kids and, and my mom and my mother, wow not going off the subject, but what an amazing human being. And so she played a very significant role in where we were coming from and, she was like the nurturing figure of, all of us as young people in the church. And, we had people who called our house. I'm going to talk to mom. Hey, can I talk to your mother, Susie? It's oh, what am I? Okay. And so here we are in Youngstown, Ohio, from the island of Jamaica. Because that's where he was placed, right? That was his assignment. Correct? In Youngstown. Okay. In Youngstown. Bishop Jackson, I remember him, being a part of it, but. Because why do people come to Youngstown? Back then it would have been, the steel mills or whatever, but that was not the case. Speaking of the steel mill, when we came here first, it stunk in Youngstown. Here you come from the sandy beaches of Jamaica, blue skies, blue water, Sunny. Summer Breeze. Summer Breeze. And then you come to the yo. It's cloudy all the time, it stinks, the sky is orange. Wow. Oh, it was horrible. We came here and we were like, somebody farted. Sulfur baby. So we were like, that is like the devil's fart. It was bad. And so my sister, Cheryl, was just not having it. She was not a happy camper. She had her friends and she was the eldest of us all. And so she had her roots in Jamaica. We were very sad. Oh my God. My dad was, pastoring the church and all of that. And here we are. In August 20th, 1979, and we are at East High School. Now, East High School, wow, was a big ol culture shock for us, right? Schools in Jamaica is like, Totally different. And, yeah. Out of the schools, it was impacted by the British, correct? Because you had uniforms, you spoke the Queen's English, everything was proper, discipline was a thing. Yeah. You had to wear clean clothes to school. No untucked shirts, and yeah. We had inspection day. You told me about that. Total difference. Total difference. And when we come here And, we got kids with the comb in the hair, and it was just a culture. Comb in the hair and girls who are pregnant, which it was just not a thing where I was from you're pregnant, you just not come to school again. It was not a thing. So it was very strange. It was strange to begin with. And then we moved to the south side, but we never switched schools, because it was too, we were trying to become Aquaman. Oh, that's right. Yeah. You actually lived on the east side before, okay, moving to Woodland. That's right. And then we moved to the south side, and we never ever switched schools, but, yeah, but we learned. Kids were kids. They were like, did you just come from the south side? Come from Jamaica on the banana boat. How did you guys come in? I'm like, oh, Jesus. That was it. That was it. But you said you never, you always felt different or you never you, I can't say you didn't understand, but maybe that's correct. You didn't understand the culture, the mindset or, the focus or the things that were prioritized. Which was a challenge. Yeah. People thought you were stuck up and snobs and weird, different, strange. Very weird and different and strange. But needless to say, school was quite challenging for me. Okay? And for me, being in the field of exercise physiology I skipped gym. Yeah. Yeah. That's a whole different, that's another, that's another tangent there. Yeah. What you're doing now compared on, compared to what you did then or where you were then. Exactly. I've seen the pictures. I've seen the pictures. I know. Never went to gym. Never wanted to go to gym. The way I was raised was, sports was not Christian kind of thing, yeah. That was not a thing. And we dressed differently. We never wore pants as well. Ah, okay. So that was, it's not something, here we are, we're just totally different and so I never wanted to go to gym. I never wanted to like, take my clothes off, in front of. In front of my classmates or whatever. So I skipped gym. I never went to gym. And I flunked gym. Flunked gym. Until I, crawled my way through it and got through high school. But, yeah. Okay. High school was really strange. Yeah, I just, we were talking about that a little bit ago. It's interesting in terms of the dynamic of our relationship. Yeah. Because of where you're coming from. Yeah. Is not. the same experience as people who were raised here have. And I think the impact of how you were raised, number one, your parents, but also I guess the culture and the schooling, really there's some parallels maybe to how I grew up. Do you see what I mean? Yeah. So the differences are less strange in that regard. Yeah. And you said you had a teacher. As far as us as a relationship, yeah. Yeah, so there was some common ground there in the sense that I know like you had talked about, you tell me all the time about your teacher that you looked up to. Ms. Daugherty. Ms. Daugherty because of how she spoke. You guys would say Daugherty. Daugherty. But. Yeah. And how she spoke. She spoke very proper. She spoke the Queen's English. So with the uniforms and the structure and the, where I grew up didn't have uniforms. But yeah, there was a certain, you just, there was a certain way you dressed or limits to your rebellion. You know what I mean? Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. She was a very huge influence in my life. Next to my mom. Because my mother was like that. My mom was like that. Mom. Presented well, and mom was a leader in whatever she did. Yeah. And not just that, but she was also very personable. And she touched lives in a way that was just And it's interesting because the Jamaica, the motto is, out of many, one. Bye. Which, and I don't know if this is still the motto, in America it used to be and maybe it still is, I have complete cluelessness on that, but the E Pluribus Unum, which is Latin, and it means basically the same thing, of, from, many, one, but, in talking to you, it seems like in many ways, Jamaican culture is, you, it's, that's what it is, you're Jamaican, and you tell me whether it's black, white, Asian, yeah. Yeah. That hodgepodge. It may be more out of many one than we are here in some ways. No, I just, I find that interesting and fascinating. It's fascinating. So what was that about me? I don't understand. I still do not understand. Your stinking smile. Oh, God. No, I'm serious. You smile. You smile. I'm, and then that's, I feel like I should hit the stop button. So you get that get all personal and stuff. Yeah. No, it was your smile. You smile, your smile. It knocked me off my feet. It really did. Really? Yeah. And there's nothing, it's not weird and mushy and it just, you had a smile that was just stunning and I wasn't expecting it. I never in a million years would've expected it. But you. You expressed, you showed interest before you even met me. I and you decided to come to my job. See, I don't, I thought I started flirting with you on the phone after. No. You tell me it was before and I believe you. I just don't, time distortion thing. Drugs are bad kids. Drugs are bad kids. Drugs are bad kids. Yeah. And and it could be because you have a very, it's going to sound cheesy and I've told you this, but I used to take your recordings or like your phone calls, your voicemails and I'd play them for my friends and I'm like, yeah, you got to hear this voice. Yeah. Not creepy, not weird. It was just, wow. And that's probably, maybe that's why the interest was there, which is why I would have flirted. Yeah. And then I walked in and there you were and I was, whoa, I was blown away. Yeah, it's still blown away. Not to be mushy. But that was it. That was the interest. So yeah, on the surface it was attraction. It was physical. It was that. But that only goes so far. And then at some point you want to know more. I want to know you. I want to know what's behind that smile. Which would be why I was trying to talk to you and visit you and see what you're about. Because if you had a great smile and then you turn out your personality is bunk, then you're dead. Smile isn't so pretty anymore You know, but the more I talk to you the more I wanted to know more and it's just that's how it started now when you Understood that I had a child. Oh, yeah What? Went through your head I Think it was that was probably to some extent maybe adventure Okay. That's, and I've done that. I've done that. I've done that my whole life. I'm like, okay let's find risky situation. Let's find a situation that's less safe and I'm going to throw myself in it and see how I can get out or see where it goes. Or I've done that my whole life. It's just something you trigger something and say, you know what? Probably doesn't make sense, but here we go. So that's where I guess, the rebellious nature or the reactive nature I have, it leads to some of these adventures. And yeah, I remember when I heard it would have been Maj on the phone, you would, I don't know if I was talking to you or you left a voicemail. I think it might've, I heard a child's voice, and something inside of me went, oh, there's a child there. And I'd never dated anyone with a child. I never experienced that. but I wanted to get to know you, and I just said, okay let's see where this goes. That's amazing. And you're thinking as we dated. How about that first experience when you met Mosh? Yeah, and it was the same thing. I remember what's going through my head thinking, oh God, what are you doing? Cause I, it just freaked me out a little bit. Yeah. Because you know what the protocol was for you. But I'm nothing if not tenacious, you know what I mean? I'm like, okay, let's just keep going. Yeah. Yeah. And then I got to know any, and you were smart. It took a while before I got to know Maj. You didn't just throw me right in her face. You didn't just engage me and allow me to be around her. It took some time for that. Yeah. Did. And I knew that you were protecting her, which I respected. so that's where that started. And then I got to know MJ and I liked mj and it was okay. It was fun. And she liked you? Yeah. It was it just and you taught her how to roll her blade. Taught her how to roller her blade. It's a little girl. I remembered her rollerblading with me as I ran And here we are around Newport. And she wiped out. And she gets up. And I'm going, Oh my God. Father, God, please, heal her, Lord. Because I thought she broke something. And she got up and she said, That's okay, Mommy. It was a good experience for me. But, what? But, yeah. But you taught her how to ride? Yeah, we were all in Boston. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, you talked about it. Yeah, so that was a growing experience. It was new, it was adventure, it was something different. And again, some of that was, eh, let's see where this goes, I've always been into adventure, learning something new, different, something I don't know, something I haven't experienced. So there was an openness there to doing that. It wasn't a closed off, oh, kid, out, see ya, bye. I wondered about that. And part of the reason why I broke it off with you at the time that I did was because I told you I was not going to let her watch me, be baited by a carrot that I couldn't have, a dangling carrot that I couldn't have. So it's we're not doing this. Yeah, which is the right thing to do. I did, and we have Maj, and we have three fantastic grandchildren, so yeah, just abundance. Nope, that was the only one I have tonight. Believe me, there's more in there, I just gotta get them out. What made you make the decision to go as far as marriage? What was that deciding factor? You mean when I finally decided to ask you? When you finally decided to ask. 5th Avenue upstairs in that room. When a certain someone Looked at me, and I think it was the same night that we talked about last time. I swear it was when you had showed up at my door and I was blazing But I think it was the same night And I probably just wouldn't shut up And this person said I think you still love her and it was like a lightning bolt Crap you're right, but marriage I think that's where it started that, okay, this is the, for real, this is not going away. This is not just a game. This is not in, out, in, out, in, out. I had some other stuff. I had to clean up my life a lot, as yeah. Cause it was a while before I even asked you after that, but I think that was a pivotal moment where it started to turn. And again, I had to do some personal cleanup on my life cause I was drifting. We talked about that. Yeah. But what are you searching for? What were you searching for? Because I know, and that goes into, a whole nother other. But what were you searching for? Because, for me, no, you were not an equal An equally yoked choice, right? Per se. Not at all. Thank you very much. What were you thinking? That's probably another question. That's the question. Oh my god. I know. What is wrong with you? I know. It's just, I was like. That's a fair question. I have got to be in the presence of this guy. But you're churchified. You say sanctified. And then here's this guy playing I don't know. I know. Rock music. But I saw the desperation to find something meaningful. I did. I saw that. And me? Yeah. My whole search, my whole life I don't want to go too deep on this just yet, but was a search for, generically, God. Everybody has that inkling, that drive. God, the word itself is vague and undefined and what we look for is what's going to fill that. Definition, that word. So when I say God, what is, what do I fill that with? What does that mean? And that's always, for as long as I can remember, been my search. And I went through various stages of, I went through when I was young. I'm like, oh, I'm an atheist because it's cool. I don't believe this is a bunch of hokey, whatever. So I did that. And then, there were the Eastern religions and then there were, whatever be here now and the Tao Te Ching and Zen and the, all of that stuff was all that pursuit of filling that word. What does that mean? Yeah. So that was the search. Which, the drugs and the, all of that stuff was all of that. That was the hunger. Cause you're looking for meaning, you're looking for purpose. Why am I here? And you're also, you're looking for peace. I want rest. Wow. So it's all of that. And that was probably what you saw, that burning desire to know, that and then as time went on, that desire to know, the biggest transition over the past couple years for me has been that desire to know mentally, intellectually, has transitioned to okay, now that I know, but how do you live that out? And it's not just theory. It's just not, I can throw out some Bible verses or I can break down the Greek and the Hebrew and I can give you an intellectual breakdown on what all that means. That's okay, but how do you live? How do you live? And that's really funny because I remember when you were going through school, and that's another episode. And you started to study comparative religion, right? That was your major comparative religion. And used to hit me up in the car. What car was that? I remember distinctly, we were driving up Southern Boulevard and you were, you're talking about if you can't answer Like this question in the Bible, because, this, the answer is right. Or I don't know what kind of crap you're like, I don't care. I did. I know. And so you were asking me these questions, they said, I don't care. I said, is what you learn. I'm going to help you to love me if I'm unlovable. And that used to get on my stinking nerves. I'm like, just no, let me talk. But you were right. I'm like. You were right, because if you're learning. I'm like, if it's not, if it's not going to. you to live better with me. I don't really care. But that's a good framing question. It's not that what I was learning was irrelevant or silly or useless. It was like no. What is the purpose of you learning all that beyond just learning it? Yeah. And that was a good question. Yeah. And I went back to school. I mean my hunger. And again, this was after I got I got baptized and sat under, Bishop Wagner and got my Strong's Concordance and really started to immerse myself it just drove that hunger even more. And other events came along, which we'll talk about at another time which may sound weird. But it was that being thrown in the mix. And I'm talking about, when I've discovered Islam, something I knew nothing about, I knew about Eastern religions, I knew about Buddhism, I knew about, all of that stuff. But Islam, what? I didn't know anything. So that got thrown in the mix after, after I had gotten baptized. It lit me on fire because I had serious questions and doubts and things I wanted to know. I was not getting the answers. And so Islam comes along. I'm like, Ooh, Ooh, they've got some of my answers. Let me pursue this. So that hunger was so much, I ended up going back to school for a comparative religious degree to learn more. It's a strange way to go about it. Who was your professor? Dr. Muir. Loved Dr. Muir. He was awesome. Very wise, very gracious. Very wise man. What car did you drive to Washington, D. C. and hang out with these people? Muslims. Oh my God. It had to be the Honda. It was the Honda. Yeah, that's right. Might have been the right one. Yeah. And God, it can go on such a tan tangent. Yeah. Can talk about that at another time. Yeah. We'll definitely do that. They, it'll be entitled The Road to Islam. And that went on for years. Yeah. I did. I did. And you were gracious. You talk about gratitude. You just let me, I did. You didn't pressure me, didn't. You just let me do it. And you trusted me enough to do it. I did. I did. It's like letting you go to to Seattle. Same thing. Such a wise woman. Aw, But that was the hunger, and I think in the midst of that, all of that, you became more and more of a role in my life. And at some point I just, it had to, I had, I'm either going to do this or I'm not. Yeah. Because it wasn't fair to you. And I couldn't move on until I made a decision. So it was just building and building. Yeah, visit. No, we were married when you, on the road to Islam. But up until that point about what made me suddenly or decide finally to do it. Yeah. And that's, it was all of that combined. And then again, younger self decide more quickly. You've decided you live with the consequences, good or bad, but you've made a decision because by not, the cliche, by not deciding you've decided. And if we were to pick out a life lesson from what we've been talking about in my brain, I'm thinking, tell me more. And you know what that means. Yeah. Tell me more. I think that we live our lives. As Christians where we know what we know and we don't really want to hear the other side. And that's how I treated you at first. It's true today and we all have that tendency because you thought you were right. I got the answers. I'm right. I don't care what you have to say. I'm right. Yeah. And being a follower of Christ is not about being right. Yeah. I'm not saying you should be wrong. But your whole MO is not to argue and debate and be right and prove your point and somehow I think that person sitting across from you is suddenly gonna go. Oh, wow. I should follow that. No, we're gonna look at you Like oh my god, you're so full of yourself. I don't want to hear another word you have to say But that was early on in our relationship when I was coming to you with I don't know Buddhism or Buddhism Zen or Taoism, whatever it was, and you didn't want to hear it. And my whole thing is, because there's value in that was part of my search and all of that makes me who I am today. But it helped. It really helped because I realized how upset you were that I wouldn't even listen. You don't want to hear it. You're like, I got my Bible. Thump, thump. I'm done. And I was offended by that because that was my, truthfully, that was my perception of Christians before becoming one. I had no interest in it because all y'all Christians are judgmental. You're hypocrites. All you do is you argue and you debate. But that was my impression before. I'm, I'm in the club now and it's a different, I understand more. But on the outside, on the outside looking in, and this is the world today, a lot of people look at us the same. Way because we're missing the point and we think somehow I'm going to be right. I'm going to show you. I see all these debates on YouTube and I'm like, you were back. I've become you. They're boring. Oh dear God. That's not what it's about. The statement you made. That really got me. And it made me ask you, what more could I have done? Or what could I have? What could have done? And my statement was, tell me more. Your statement was, tell me more. Pretend you. But the statement you made prior to that was, if your God is God, he doesn't need your defense. Did I say that? You did. Look at me. You did. I got the goosebumps. Yeah, you were like. And it's true, it's because I wanted you to care about me as a person, what I have to say. I wanted to feel valued. That's what it comes down to. Because by you not listening, I did not feel valued. Oh wow, I'm dumb. Not as good as you. I'm not right. I don't have the answer, so I'm less than you. And that's the feeling that I took away from that. It's not necessarily what your intent was. So when you said, tell me more you were saying what you were saying and I cut you off. You said, I could have said, tell me more and you could have spoken your heart and after you spoke your heart, you may have given me an opportunity to speak mine. Yeah. But I didn't. It shut me down. I did. I did. That was a lesson. That was a life lesson. And that stays with us because And that statement has always stuck with us because sometimes even today we still do it. We get caught up in ourselves and I want to be right and I'm mad at you and whatever and we stop listening. Yeah. And then you got to step back and you think, Oh, tell me more. I need to listen. I need to understand. Tell me more. Which is why this is fun. Yeah, tell me more. Tell me more. I am that's a lot to unpack in there. It is. It's a lot to unpack. I'm sitting here with the goose bumps.