What if embarking on a new relationship could not only spice up your routine but also bring about profound life changes? In this heartfelt episode, we share our journey from college days, filled with youthful dreams, to the complex realities of dating as a single parent. Experience the highs and lows as we recount the pivotal moment when I planned to ask Tesa to be my girlfriend after a trip to California. Tesa bravely opens up about her life as a single mother who had vowed to protect her child from transient relationships until they were truly stable. We delve into the importance of shielding children from fleeting romances and offer sage advice to single parents navigating the choppy waters of dating while safeguarding their children's well-being.
As we move from balancing work and single parenthood to embracing the unpredictability of a new relationship, you'll hear about the tensions and triumphs that led to our eventual commitment. Discover how spontaneity and social activities breathed new life into our routines, fostering a deeper connection. We also explore the poignant moment of personal growth and the sacrifices made to prove genuine intentions, highlighting the gradual evolution from friendship to a committed partnership. Join us as we share our wisdom and practical tips, aiming to strengthen your marriage, empower your life, and enrich your ministry.
What if embarking on a new relationship could not only spice up your routine but also bring about profound life changes? In this heartfelt episode, we share our journey from college days, filled with youthful dreams, to the complex realities of dating as a single parent. Experience the highs and lows as we recount the pivotal moment when I planned to ask Tesa to be my girlfriend after a trip to California. Tesa bravely opens up about her life as a single mother who had vowed to protect her child from transient relationships until they were truly stable. We delve into the importance of shielding children from fleeting romances and offer sage advice to single parents navigating the choppy waters of dating while safeguarding their children's well-being.
As we move from balancing work and single parenthood to embracing the unpredictability of a new relationship, you'll hear about the tensions and triumphs that led to our eventual commitment. Discover how spontaneity and social activities breathed new life into our routines, fostering a deeper connection. We also explore the poignant moment of personal growth and the sacrifices made to prove genuine intentions, highlighting the gradual evolution from friendship to a committed partnership. Join us as we share our wisdom and practical tips, aiming to strengthen your marriage, empower your life, and enrich your ministry.
So I had a plan in mind at this time. I told you I renounced being in fraternity. But we went out to California and we were on BET's Comic View, and so I made up my mind. I say, ok, this is my last show, and when I get back from California I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend. And when I get back, soon as I get back, I say, ok, hey, I want you to be my girlfriend.
Speaker 1:
And you, look at me, you're like no welcome to doing it with the day is the podcast where we help couples navigate life, marriage and ministry.
Speaker 2:
I'm Charles and I'm Tisa. Join us as we share insights, wisdom and practical advice to strengthen your marriage, empower your life and enrich ministry.
Speaker 1:
Let's dive in together and discover the joys of doing life with the Daniels. Hey, thanks for joining us, for doing it with the Daniels, where we help couples get it on in life, marriage and ministry.
Speaker 2:
All right, we are back with episode two, where we left off at talking about what.
Speaker 1:
Oh, talking about how we met, how we met, what? Oh, talking about how we met, how we met and the craziness that came after we met and really putting our lives together to really start a, I guess, healthy, uh dating journey maybe. But there were some adjustments that we had had to make. You know, I talked about in the last episode how I still had other interests, but I wasn't the only one that had other interests out there, uh, going on. So, yeah, but we can, we can talk about that. Like I said, I was in college, I was still in college, I was. I should have been trying to graduate.
Speaker 1:
I don't know what I was doing at that time but, um, I did end up graduating, thank god, thank god. But I should be trying to graduate. But, uh, I was just having a good time being, being who I was, being out, being having all this freedom, having all this freedom getting ready to to start a new job, which where I met you, getting ready to buy me an apartment. So I was stepping into my own independence right at that time. So, kind of, what were you doing at that time? Because you had already mentioned in the last episode how you never wanted to be married.
Speaker 2:
Never wanted to be married.
Speaker 1:
So what was your? What was a day in your life like during that time?
Speaker 2:
So my life was totally different. I dropped out of college at that time and I had had a baby, and so I was living my life as a single woman with an adult, a single adult with a child, and so my, my mind was just I'm taking care of this baby and it's about me and him. And that's when I was starting to get my life back with Christ. So I was starting to go back to church and I was just in a different place. And then here you come along and I'm like, ok, what is this? And I'm like, ok, this is everything that I said I don't want you know to be dealing with at first, when I made yeah, now you mentioned you had the baby.
Speaker 1:
How old was? This is our oldest son, although, although he, I'm not his biological father I've been with him for a long time and so he's considered my son. So how old was he? He was three, three at that time when we met, yes, when we first met, okay, and so I'll go and tell everybody. When we first met, uh, and our oldest son, tyler, I did not meet him for a while long time.
Speaker 2:
You intentionally kept me away from him right, I don't think I even told you about him initially. I don't know, I think. I think I told you later yeah, I didn't tell you initially.
Speaker 1:
OK.
Speaker 2:
And and I definitely kept you away from him.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I don't know if you told me I may have, like when we would leave from work and I saw the car seat, I was like who cars is that?
Speaker 2:
And I think you know that was eventually when you started like ride with me and being in my car and stuff like that, I had to eventually tell you.
Speaker 1:
But I don't think I just initially just told you no, no, you didn't just come right out with it.
Speaker 2:
I think it was kind of a figure out type thing how to present I had to figure out if you were gonna stay around, you know, and um, definitely I didn't want to bring him around you. Um, that was just something that I was just really passionate about. I wasn't gonna have my child be around you know, anybody that I was dating, especially if they weren't gonna stay in my life and be in his life. So I was kind of really, oh, I don't know, it's just, it was a touchy, touchy, touchy thing for me back then.
Speaker 1:
So what advice would you give women who are in this situation? They're single. They do have a child or may have multiple children. What would you tell them about dating or meeting men? How would you tell them to have them?
Speaker 2:
Well for me, when I did, I just did not agree with having a lot of and I'm not going to say a lot but just if the relationship is not going to work, not only are you affected, your child is affected, and so I didn't want a lot of men or whoever I was dating to be in my child's life like that, and I just didn't think it was a good look being a woman If you have a girl or boy to see mommy with all these different people.
Speaker 1:
And so that's what I did not want, and so that's why I chose to um do it the way I did it yeah, and to be honest with you, just experiencing that with you really raised my level of respect for you as a woman, as a mother, because it showed me that you wanted to protect your child yeah you know you did.
Speaker 1:
You weren't just protecting yourself in this process, you were protecting your child, and I think um more people could do that, could really consider how should I handle myself if I do have a child and I'm dating someone or I'm considering dating or I like someone? How do you navigate that? Because everybody you meet won't be the one right, you know, and so, like you said, you don't want to have kind of a revolving door going on in your life.
Speaker 2:
Exactly, and it's hard because you got to find people to watch your child. You know when you want to go hang out and you know, and so thank God for my mom. You know she was single and available a lot and so she had him a whole, whole lot.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I think. I think when we first met she had him all the time, all the time. So whenever you and I would get together he was never around. Never. He wouldn't come around until I was gone, and then you would get him back right most of the time yeah, until eventually.
Speaker 2:
I felt like it was okay for him to meet you.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, but it took a minute, yeah so those are some safety measures yeah that I think are really good for other people to realize, like take your time, yes, and introducing your children to people you're entering into a relationship with because, you want to make sure it's worth their time. It's worth their interest because when we, when he and I eventually met- yeah we, we became best buddies. Yes, y'all were, yeah, like that was my friend, I was my buddy, I was his friend and we was tight yeah you know, not knowing where this would lead to even at that time, but I think you felt safe or comfortable enough.
Speaker 1:
I did. That this was going to be something.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
Between you and I yeah, yeah. So, so go ahead. Finish saying what you were saying about what your life was like.
Speaker 2:
So that was my life Basically. I was dropping off at daycare. Go to work. Life, um, basically, I was dropping off at daycare, go to work, come we fix something to eat, come home, take a bath, get into bed and do it all again next day. That was what I was doing.
Speaker 1:
So boring right yeah, I remember I was like so what do you do? What do you like do after work? As you know me, I'm like getting off work means hey, free, let's go do something, or whatever. But you, me, I'm like getting off work means hey, free, let's go do something, or whatever. But you was like I'm going to pick up my child, I'm going home, get some, get something to eat. I'm going home, we're going to get in the tub and I'm getting into bed. I was like what time are you getting to bed? It's about seven. I'm in the bed Seven, I'm like seven, I'm looking around, like what we're about to do? Yeah, and so we were living two very different lives at the very different, and so I ended up coming around you quite a bit and I think I even pulled you out of that a little bit.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, just a little bit, not a whole lot, a little bit, but end up pulling you out of that routine because we would go hang out at the park. You know, once tyler came into the mix, yeah, he became a part of our time together yes exactly, um, and we would hang out and do different things going to the mall, going to the store, even to the point where you decided at one point to get another job. I did get another job and I and I started acting as a babysitter yep, I did.
Speaker 2:
I let you watch him while I got another job, because you know I want. I don't want people to think that I was just doing it every day. I did do that during the week, but on the weekends is where I would take him out and do little things with him. But you know, being single and having a child, you know you need money and so I was like, ok, money's getting tight, let me get another job. It was actually one of my friends idea and we got another job and I needed somebody to watch him, so I just dump them on you. Hey, I'm going to work, I'll see y'all later.
Speaker 1:
And that actually created tension between you and I, because I was like I don't get to see you anymore. Right, I wanted to spend time with you. You picked up another job. I'm like, eh, that ain't gonna work. And then you know, after you started getting paid and back then pay wasn't just great. So I was like the amount of money you make them, it's not worth it. Like you can just be with me but you're a little better and we can just hang out, and I think you eventually ended up leaving yeah, leaving that job, because it just it wasn't worth the time.
Speaker 2:
Although it was a little bit of pocket change, it just was not worth it yeah, and in my mind you know having a baby and you have obligations and stuff I was like, okay, let me just do this, you know, for for us.
Speaker 1:
And that's why I did it, yeah and I yeah yeah, so I get that, but I mean, that was that was a big part of interrupting that routine.
Speaker 1:
I think I was a disruptor yes, you were to your routine and so sometimes when you meet a person, it does disrupt the routine of your life, and I think you were a huge disruptor after we got married or really on our wedding program. I say that you are the greatest blessing, right, you're the greatest blessing that I've ever received and I think it's because you disrupted my life in a good way and really got me off of a path that wasn't going to be that good. Right, because I was like trying to be the man, play a play a while out and uh, meeting you really pulled me back in and was like okay, you got to make some decisions you're you're friends with this girl, you really like her and I think at some point I knew I wanted to marry you right, well long before I ever said anything.
Speaker 1:
But I was still like okay, well, how long am I gonna play, how long am I gonna do what I'm doing before I really get serious about committing to this relationship or whatever we're trying to get?
Speaker 2:
to right, but when you finally stop and you ask me to marry you, I mean to be your girlfriend. What did I tell you?
Speaker 1:
no I told you no well, well, I had had a plan in mind, so I had to back up. So I had a plan in mind at this time. I told you I renounced uh being in fraternity. But we went out to California and we were on BET's Comic View and I used to have people Google and search.
Speaker 1:
I used to hop Right, and so we was on the hop show, and so Ricky Smiley had us come out and we hopped on BET's Comic View, and so I made up my mind. I say, ok, this is is my last show, this is the last show I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go out there, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hop on bt with the, with the fraternity, and when I get back from california I'm gonna ask her to be my girlfriend. So I go out there, we do what we're gonna do, and I'm talking to you while I'm out there. You know we're talking on the phone, whatever. I'm keeping in contact. And when I get back, soon as I get back, I'm like okay, I'm cool, I'm straight, I'm done with frat stuff. I ain't got time to be doing that all day. I'm getting ready to make some adjustments. I say, okay, hey, I want you to be my girlfriend. And you look at me, you're like no what you mean.
Speaker 1:
No, we've been hanging out, we've been, we we've developed this friendship. I met your son. We enjoying each other. This is going somewhere. I really like you. Yeah, let's, let's, let's, let's make this official. No, and you was like no, and I was like I was shocked because I was like how you gonna turn all this?
Speaker 2:
down.
Speaker 1:
You think you the man huh and uh, and so you said no, and I was like okay and why did I tell you no? You said no because you was like you're not ready. Yeah exactly and I said what you mean, I'm not ready. Yeah, what? What did you mean by I wasn't ready?
Speaker 2:
so the reason why I say you wasn't ready is because you still kind of had a lot of friends calling your phone, had a lot of a lot of girls calling your phone, and then you had that little flip phone and I didn't feel like I was first.
Speaker 2:
I feel like, you know, we were on, we were on something good, we spent a lot of time together, we liked each other, we hung out a whole whole lot together, but you still had that phone that would constantly go off together. But you still had that phone that would constantly go off, and so you would put it on silent, but it had a light on the outside of it and that light would go off all the time, and so I knew that when you didn't answer it, it was a female. So that's why I was able to tell you no and and be okay with it. You know, because did I want to tell you no? Probably not, but I felt like I needed to tell you no, uh, in that moment because you still had some other things that you really needed to work on.
Speaker 1:
I think that speaks very highly to the value you place on your heart and yourself, and I think a lot of women would do well to really recognize the signs. Like you may like a guy, right, but you see some things that are off and instead of convincing yourself that you don't see what you see, yeah maybe you should pay attention, be like you know what I like you.
Speaker 1:
I'm not saying it's oh, it's over and we can't keep exploring this, but I can only go so far with you, because you're not ready to go beyond this point yeah, the way I want to go.
Speaker 2:
You're not trying to do what I want to do and like, and I told you I wasn't saying we gotta be married. You know I wasn't pushing that, but I was just pushing for us to.
Speaker 1:
You got to figure out who you want to be with and yeah, and you know, that really was another challenge to me, because it's like I actually my girlfriend and I'm ready to make these adjustments and you see, I didn't know you was feeling like that.
Speaker 1:
Right, I was in my mom, I was about to make some adjustments and you're like no, I'm like, okay, you're going to be my girlfriend. So in my mind I'm thinking, okay, I'm about to show you. So that's when I started kind of moving some things out of the way, getting some people out of my life, like no, we don't talk, no more, just go ahead on them. Got some other things I'm trying to do and I got everything trimmed down to one as best as I could. Only had one other person that I was kind of keeping on deck just in case you jump ship now.
Speaker 1:
Okay, well, I don't know what you're gonna do. We ain't you told me, no, you want to be my girlfriend. I don't know if, what, you're playing games. You ain't really serious about this. In my back, my mom, like you, already told me you never get married, so I could be just wasting my time and you playing games with me. So you know, I did what I did until eventually it was like, okay, I could tell you was for real. I think it got to the point where I was like you in love, I'm in love. But I don't think we said we was in love, right, and uh, man, it it. It took another turn. Our relationship took another turn. We, as we often talk about, dating was not really the thing for us he didn't really date, didn't really date things just kind of, yeah, we was friends, but dating we didn't really.
Speaker 2:
I don't even know if there was really a dating period.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, you know, I think that period for me actually be my girlfriend to the next step was like a period of time for me to kind of make some adjustments and show you that I was serious about us starting to consider this whole dating piece and where this goes, where this could go for us, because the feelings were getting real Right and it was a, it was a serious thing. So we I think we jumped from there with it to figure out what we would do. So I think I think that's what we should, we should tackle next about On the next episode.
Speaker 2:
On the next episode.
Speaker 1:
On the next episode. So I think we should tackle this whole Our dating Journey and experience and what really happened. Okay, so I'm all for it.
Speaker 2:
I'm all for it. Let's, let's, do it.
Speaker 1:
Hey, hopefully y'all are for it and you'll join us To hear more about this, this journey and, I think, some things hopefully we're saying some things that will be helpful to you guys. Uh, as you explore whether, if you're single right now, headed to marriage and some of you just remembering your process in your journey, hopefully you're learning some things that maybe you did wrong that you could help others with along the way that's right, yeah, and so we'll see y'all back on the next one.
Speaker 1:
Take care, hey. Thank you for joining us, for doing it with thes, if you want to keep up with everything going on on our channel don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and share this podcast. Absolutely. We'll see you next time.