Doing It With The Daniels Podcast
Welcome to ‘Doing It With The Daniels’! This is where we show couples how to GET-IT-ON in life, marriage, AND ministry! 🚀
Doing It With The Daniels Podcast
Who’s Really in Charge? Unpacking Gender Roles in a Godly Marriage
Understanding gender roles in marriage is essential for a harmonious partnership. This episode examines biblical insights, practical communication strategies, and introduces a gender roles worksheet to help couples navigate their responsibilities effectively.
• Defining gender roles in marriage
• The importance of premarital conversations
• Biblical perspectives and their relevance today
• Analyzing personal experiences and family influences
• Balancing work and home life as a team
• Continuous communication for ongoing understanding
• Introducing gender roles worksheets for clarity
Gender Roles Worksheet----- https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xTED1chweAHwuJ3tx7RqEDV1Paf2IwZC/view?usp=drive_link
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But so what happens when we lay those roles out and we say we're going to do it, but the other party doesn't uphold their end of the bargain?
Speaker 2:Welcome to Doing it With the Daniels, the podcast where we navigate life, marriage and ministry.
Speaker 1:I'm Charles and I'm Tisa. Join us as we share insights, wisdom and practical advice to strengthen your marriage, empower your life and enrich your ministry.
Speaker 2:Let's dive in together and discover the joys of doing it with the Daniels. Hey, welcome to doing it with the Daniels, where we help couples get it on at Life, Marriage and Ministry. So glad to have you today and we are ready to jump right in what's up baby, what's up?
Speaker 1:We're excited today.
Speaker 2:We are excited and we get the opportunity to share with our listeners today and those who view this broadcast. I call it broadcast.
Speaker 1:I'm thinking about TV right now.
Speaker 2:Podcast. I don't know. Is it a podcast or is it a vlog, all these different things. There's a video log, they call it. Call it a vlog. You got the podcast, which is usually audio. We do the video and the audio right so I guess it all ties in together. It doesn't really matter whatever way people like to listen to it, we're gonna keep pumping it out right and keep trying to help people that's good.
Speaker 1:Well, what's up? How you been? That's good. I've been doing good today. How about you?
Speaker 2:I'm doing good, that's good, I've been with you all day, so I should know how you're doing.
Speaker 1:But I like to ask people want to know how you're doing yeah, I'm doing good, good, I'm doing really good I'm excited about today, though, really yes, what are we talking? Because we're going to be talking about gender roles in marriage, gender roles and responsibilities. I want to call it.
Speaker 2:I like to say it like that I think that's really good for us to discuss because, one of the aspects of, I think, for us, marriage counseling, marriage advising, marriage coaching. Yes, when you initially do the premarital process, I don't recall us going through gender roles and I haven't seen many people who've gone through going through a type of counseling program when we ask them about it. Have you gone through gender roles? They're like no we didn't discuss that we didn't look at that, you know.
Speaker 2:We talk about loving each other, being faithful to one another, building a godly home together. Uh, budgeting and finance, but never really talking about the day-to-day task that comes in to living and having a successful marriage.
Speaker 1:and so when I, when you just said that, what, what came to my mind was the people that get married that don't have, don't go to counseling at all, and or they're not even like in the church, and so when they come into the church, it's like we have to go back and, okay, now we need to talk about these things, because it's usually kind of an off balance there, and so that, just that, just came to my mind when you was talking about that.
Speaker 2:Isn't that crazy how, when people get married and they're not believers, and then they, they get in church or have this experience with God and they begin to change their lives and they want to find out how to do marriage God's way?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And it's almost like we have to take them through a whole nother process for understanding marriage God's way, because they only understood it from a worldly perspective Exactly. And so now we have to show them what God's intent was for marriage, what God's expectations are of the husband of the wife, how you approach it, and many of them are like wow.
Speaker 1:I never knew this.
Speaker 2:I never knew that that was a part of how God wanted me to function within my marriage exactly, but I love to see it because it's like an aha moment for them it's like it's just a beautiful thing when they catch it, so I like to tell people that, uh, marriage it was god's idea.
Speaker 2:So if it was god's idea, if it was implemented and instituted by god, then we have to do it god's way. Yes, exactly but many times people do it the world's way and you have all these crazy issues and that shows up in the marriage. And then they come to us with all these problems, like why are we having all these problems? Because you're not doing it god's way.
Speaker 1:It's a god thing you gotta do it his way. Yeah, we tend to do what we see growing up yeah so what we, what we saw mama do, grandmama do, granddaddy do, and how, how they lived, and we just kind of flow with that. Well, this is what I saw, so this is what I'm gonna do, and we bring that into our marriage absolutely.
Speaker 2:Oh, I've seen people who uh on. In addition to that, they develop their own beliefs around how it should be yeah, and they start making up their own stuff. But if it, if it's supposed to, god, and this is where we could talk this is where you get into some elements of polygamy yeah and all of these additional things that people try to add to marriage, but I like this.
Speaker 2:I heard this saying. It's not my saying, but I heard somebody said I just can't remember who said it that, uh, when we think about marriage, that the intent that god had for man is one man for one woman for one lifetime exactly and that really sticks and resonates with me. I like that because it's a clear-cut view on one man one woman, you only get one lifetime, so y'all gotta do it right and make the best of it.
Speaker 2:Yes together, girl, and I love, I love even just thinking about us. I love um how we have had the privilege of enjoying one another in our youthfulness, not teenagers but you know very young yeah, yeah, pretty young in our youthfulness we were young yeah, when we got married and, having you know, spent the years that we've spent together now and then seeing, uh, seeing, the changes as we, as we change a little bit as time goes by, you know, but it's, it's, it's.
Speaker 2:It's been so wonderful yeah uh working and I think this gets back to what we talk about gender roles.
Speaker 1:We working together has been a pleasure and learning that process it hasn't always been pleasurable right but it has been a pleasure to work with because we had to learn how to work as a team yeah yeah, so and that was good. You know, like you said in the beginning it was hard. It was difficult. It was, it was challenging, but we got through those hurdles and we got. We got to a better place.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Because I think you brought in what you seen growing up and I brought what I saw growing up and we like trying to put this together and it's like this don't work for us so we had to figure out what worked for us, and that's what I like to tell couples is do what works for you, don't try to do what works for somebody else, because everybody's different. So what work? What might work for you, might not work for somebody else's um spouse, and so I always tell them don't look at us as you can. You can glean from us, but don't try to do exactly what we do now. If it works, it just works yeah but if it doesn't it, it doesn't work right, I can remember.
Speaker 2:Remember that before we jump into the rest of our discussion. Do you remember years ago when you would make reference to somebody else's husband and you would say, well, he don't, he don't, he do this and he help her with this and that, and I was like well that, like well that's their business. That's their marriage.
Speaker 1:He was like that ain't me.
Speaker 2:I wish, I wish you would do that. Well, that ain't me. So, hey, thank God for what they got going on, but I ain't trying to do that.
Speaker 1:But you changed, I did change.
Speaker 2:Everything comes with growth and maturity.
Speaker 1:We change.
Speaker 2:And you don't have proper perspective.
Speaker 1:And that's why.
Speaker 2:I love the fact that we get to do this For those that it touches, those that it impacts, those that listen to our voice. We're able to help them move past some of the hurdles that we had to grow past.
Speaker 1:So they can go faster than we can go. They can go faster and they can go further in their marriage.
Speaker 2:They don't have to struggle through the pitfalls and learn their way through the stuff that really is not that important right exactly uh, and it just requires you getting over yourself yeah, and some of you are getting past some things and just realizing the big picture of making the man yeah because we made all the mistakes so just listen to us. We made all of them, but we made a lot of them, so we're gonna help you out yeah, um, so let's go into this discussion.
Speaker 1:So, uh, what does the bible say about the role of a husband and wife?
Speaker 2:yeah, I think, without getting too preachy. Uh, when we talk about that, I think we can see a clear place of that, or clear starting place I'm not gonna say an ending place.
Speaker 2:A clear starting place is probably going to be ephesians 5, verses 22 to 23. I'm sorry, 22 to 33 in there, where it talks about wives being submitted to their husbands and it talks about husbands loving their wives as christ loved the church. There's a it gives a good breakdown on kind of how to approach or how to enter in to marriage, which means if, if as a wife you're not willing to submit to a man that you marry and love and trust to lead you and your family, you might not be ready for marriage right as a man. If you're not willing to love your wife as Christ loved the church, you can't love her how you want to love, yeah, exactly that's the key.
Speaker 2:It's not how you want to love her, it's understanding how Christ loved the church and you love your wife that way, because he gave himself for the church. So when you marry a woman, you're you're making the bigger, you expect to make the bigger sacrifice than she does you are to give all of you.
Speaker 2:Your life goes into building this marriage and building and supporting her and making sure she accomplishes all and is all that God desires for her to be. And likewise the Bible talks about wives. Respect your husband, so wives have to be willing to respect. If you full of disrespect and you don't know how to talk, maybe you should work on that before you say I do exactly, because that little piece right there can destroy a home no respect.
Speaker 2:No love can destroy marriage yeah so I think we see the bible, I think even colossians 3, verse 18 and 19. There's some discussion there, as well as um when you see, for women specifically and I think I'm not going to say women there's some things that can be inferred from proverbs 31, even for men. So so, although proverbs 31 may really talk about a woman, who is a wife. Yes, the proverbs 31 woman yeah, but she's a wife.
Speaker 1:She was many things she did. She did it all. I was just like when I was reading it I was like hold up, hold up, hold up, wait a minute.
Speaker 2:But yeah, she was a wife, a mother, um, she was, she had her own business, she gets up early, she takes care of her family, she goes out in the market in the day. She buys, she sells, she does business. She's respected because she's respected her husband is respected by those who, kids, speak well of her. I mean, it's just when she's an all-around yeah type of woman or wife yeah and what I love about when I think about it.
Speaker 2:The husband that can be married to a poverty 31 woman or wife can't be insecure right he has to be supportive of a woman that's grace to do more than cook, clean and make babies exactly that's good, that's good so so he can understand. Wait a minute. This woman is multifaceted and I can support every aspect of grace that god has placed in her life that's good, I like that so.
Speaker 2:So the wife can be amazing and the husband knows how to support that without trying to outshine her. And I've seen that too, where some husbands don't understand the role of their wife when god has graced them to do things other than just be a homemaker, and they struggle with seeing their wives excel yeah in things and be respected that way, but it's a good thing yeah it's not unbiblical.
Speaker 1:She doesn't just have to sit in the corner and be silent exactly, so that's good that's a whole nother podcast right there, because I'm sure you can help a lot of people with that just that thing, because a lot of women pull back uh-huh because their husbands their insecurities show up.
Speaker 2:They begin to feel inferior if their wife can excel in business and they can't, yeah, or she can, but they're but they are one so if she excels, I mean you exhale the whole house, the whole house excels, so it's a.
Speaker 2:It's a win-win yes, yeah, but they don't see it like that, no no, but I. That's why I say I think people reading that and really praying over to asking god to give them a revelation of of kind of that appearance of marriage. Like I said, that's just a starting point of that, but we can talk about um abraham's wife sarah, you know how she um uh called him lord you know, how she submitted. We can talk about all of that, how she carried herself yeah and gentleness and all of that is I mean husbands being provided.
Speaker 2:All of that. It goes into what that looks like in your role in a in a marriage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good. So the next one is how do we balance biblical teaching with modern realities and personal circumstances?
Speaker 2:I think you just have to. You have to gain understanding. You have to gain understanding and I think kind of what we just talked about biblically starting, that kind of feeds into that as well. It's just a matter of understanding how these things fit in 2025 yeah you know it's, it's a.
Speaker 2:It's a different time and yes era, but the the approach is still the same, it's still. I always say make it simple boy meets girl. You know it's still boy meets girl. They get married, they, they now have to live out these roles as husband and wife. And, uh, and it's still the same, a husband still expected to love his wife a wife is still expected to respect her husband.
Speaker 2:They're still expected to raise a godly family and to care for one another. Husband is still expected to provide in this era and a wife to support her husband. The only difference is, you may see, and it's not really different you may see more emphasis on the working woman yeah then, is often portrayed in scripture or in people's traditional view, but women have been working for a long time exactly, it's not new and they can work if they want to some women are great, whether it's business or they work a job it's just finding that balance of it in the home yeah, and in the marriage.
Speaker 1:So how do we find that balance in the home? Because you got women working, you got men working, and so this is without even having kids. Yeah, so, but when you throw kids in the mix, that's a total. That's another story. But how do they find the balance when we're both working? How do you define how we function?
Speaker 2:that's what on day-to-day they gotta, they gotta explore gender roles, they have to communicate, they have to look at different things, they have to figure out how does our life run and what matters, what's important, and so even in this podcast, you know, we're going to provide people with a worksheet, a gender roles type worksheet, that they can go through together and discuss, because they may have never done this before. Right, so they can look at those things and say, hey, we never talked about this before we got married.
Speaker 2:We just jumped in and with our own expectations yeah, exactly because I have expectations and then you don't. You don't step up to the plate for the realization of those expectations. Now I'm disappointed in you exactly, and it's like no. You can save yourself that disappointment if we sit down and we discuss gender.
Speaker 1:I think that is great. I think they need to sit down and talk about who's gonna wash the dishes who's?
Speaker 1:gonna cook, who's gonna clean, who's gonna do take out the trash, who's gonna going to? You know all of that and you know in a day to day task it's like you can really the little things right can become big things. And so if you don't define what you're going to do and who's responsible for, like the, the bills, who's going to pay? You know the bills. Are you going to do 50 50, or is the husband going to pay most of the bills, or all the bills? And you know.
Speaker 1:So all of that needs to be talked about yeah it needs to be discussed and you need to be on the same page with all of that because when I grew up growing up little um just seeing my mom my mom never said anything about cleaning she never complained she cooked. She never complained about doing the cooking, and that's just how I grew up. I just saw her doing this. I don't think I ever really seen my dad do nothing, uh, but that's just how my family take care of his family nothing but take care of the family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, as far as like household stuff, like he do none of that and there's nothing wrong with that, but that's just not how I grew up. Where you grew up, I think pretty much the same way yeah, pretty much I don't.
Speaker 2:I have little pieces of my dad cleaning cooking. That wasn't. If he did it, it was maybe you know my mom fussed at him about hey, help out. You know, and he helped out. But other than that, no, just to to have the initiative. Hey, we're gonna clean the house oh I'm gonna go in and cook. No, I mean, and you got to be realistic a lot of men can't cook but some men like to cook, some men can cook yep, so you know. So y'all women y'all blessed.
Speaker 1:Y'all got these men that be cooking in the kitchen, so that's a blessing. But yeah, so it's different now, like as far as my granddaddy like he ain't getting in the kitchen, so that's a blessing, but yeah, so it's different now, like as far as my granddaddy like he ain't getting in the kitchen doing nothing.
Speaker 2:You know, he just is not his thing that was a time that was that was the expectation of those gender roles during that time exactly, and with the changing of time.
Speaker 1:Hey, people change in in what they do within the roles of the marriage yeah, and so it just needs to be discussed and laid out but so what happens when we lay those roles out and we say we're going to do it, but the other party doesn't uphold their end of the bargain?
Speaker 2:you gotta revisit it. I mean, it's gonna be a lot of that in your marriage, like you just gotta you have to talk to the ladies, right, because for the men you gotta revisit it, you gotta keep to revisit it, you got to keep saying it.
Speaker 1:You got to. You just got to keep saying it in the right way. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:It just has to be respectful. Respectful somewhat like a reminder.
Speaker 1:Not fussing yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, I keep asking you to do this. Why don't you do it? Well, you're going to get tired of hearing uh-huh you know, but disgusting, and saying like, I think, what helped me the most with things that you wanted me to do or needed me to do, that maybe I didn't do, as uh, what's what's a good word? As readily uh that I didn't take the initiative on. I think you coming to me and saying when you do this, it helps me right or I need your help with this.
Speaker 2:This goes back to women talking cold. I ain't taking that back. It is women often speaking cold, and so we, as men, have to learn to decode what do y'all say to us, however, the code, when y'all get frustrated, often comes off as frustration, it comes off to us as nagging and it repels us, it makes us go into the shutdown mode.
Speaker 2:We don't want to hear it, so we miss the value of what you're trying to say exactly to us in in all of that. But when you shifted the dynamics of the way you communicate? With me and you came. You said I need your help with this now, I think by that time I kind of started to decode the messaging yeah of it, like I often tell people when you say, uh, you don't do anything, uh, and I took, you don't do anything as, oh, you're trying to take a shot at me so you fire one at me, I'm gonna fire back at you yeah, so you don't do anything.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna show you I don't do anything, right I'm gonna show you not doing anything because you think I don't do anything, so I'm really not gonna do anything, but I came to realize you saying to me that I didn't do anything, wasn't you really taking a shot? It was you venting your frustration and really crying for help, saying I want you to help me take care of the household and take care of things we take care of, right. And so once I learned that, I realized okay, yeah, all right. So when you say you, you just don't do anything, I realized okay, she needs some help.
Speaker 2:And I don't respond with but you mean I don't do it I. With what do you need me to help you? And then everything changes. But that comes with time.
Speaker 1:It does come with time. It comes with learning to decode.
Speaker 2:That's husband experience. But to help the husband because some men don't get it that fast, Some never get it Because they don't really care to get it.
Speaker 1:Because that's a lot, to really have to study your wife and understand her. If the wife would just come to the man and say, but I need your help, but I had to change and so I had to come, sit down and say hey, we need to talk, I need your help with this, this and this. And I probably went into why you know I needed your help and and and it's like the bible says, a soft answer turns away wrath. So it's like I was coming to you not with the hostility, with anger or anything like that. It was just like hey, come on, let's talk. I got some concerns.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then I will voice my concerns and then we would try to work it out the best way we could, right?
Speaker 2:And we did and it got. We continue to get better and better with that, yeah, but it comes to communication yeah, and I feel like sometimes, um, the wives can get overwhelmed with, like, housework.
Speaker 1:If you have a child, you get overwhelmed with, you know, taking care of the children, and then, if you work outside the home, and then the finances, so it's like you can be overwhelmed and so you don't really have to be overwhelmed if you just go to your spouse and talk to them and y'all lay out some things what he's responsible for and what you're responsible for and work together as a team I think that discussion is is it's ongoing?
Speaker 1:yeah, it is a one-time thing, kind of like we mentioned before previously in another podcast episode.
Speaker 2:That's an ongoing conversation yeah it's a reminder, it's a revisiting it's always evaluating and those roles may change over time as your life and your marriage changes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you have to adjust with yeah, one thing for women I feel like I need to say. This is sometimes we can feel like I've said it. You know what I'm saying. I already told him that. Okay. Well, something I try to tell them was say it again. And if they say it well, I said it five times keep saying it, because they don't, they don't always get it. Like the fifth time, the tenth time. You might say it until you know y'all in, y'all 70s, and he might get it then, but you got to keep saying it and then say it the right way, oh yeah a hundred percent.
Speaker 2:So I I think that's that's a really powerful thing for people to work through those gender roles and, like I said, we can't list everything out. Oh no, it's a really powerful thing for people to work through those gender roles and, like I said, we can't list everything out. Oh no, it's a lot Cooking, cleaning, raising children, disciplined children, finances, finances who's going to pay the bills? Who's going to go to the grocery store?
Speaker 1:Who's going to?
Speaker 2:put the groceries up. All of that needs to be discussed. It does that way. When you get in the marriage it's like, hey, ok, here's what we plan to do, or if you're already married, discuss it anyway.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And get an understanding on what needs to happen. What's my responsibility?
Speaker 2:to function.
Speaker 1:Well, that's good, good, good, you got anything else.
Speaker 2:That's it. Well, listen, thank you all for joining us. Share, because we do want to hear from you. Read the description and you'll find a link there for a gender roles worksheet. You can download that worksheet, print it out. I advise you. Here's my suggestion Make two copies of it. You do one, let your spouse do the other separately, and then you'll come together and discuss it, look at your differences and see how you all think different. Then put it together and work together on building a cohesive unit as a family and build that team so that your family, your household, can run well together. I promise you, this right here will help eliminate a lot of disagreements, a lot of disappointments from expectations that you all haven't discussed. Discuss those things. Get an understanding man. It'll help you. Also, there's some links to our books that we recommend as well. That'll help you as well. So look into that. If you think that'll benefit, you. Download it, get it, apply it to your life and I know it's going to change your life.
Speaker 2:We get testimonies all the time yes, of people who read those books and implemented the tools now. You can't just read the book and think it's going to work right, you, you gotta read it and implement exactly and it'll help you. These are things, pastor tease and I have learned, we've grown and we've implemented, and now we just want to help others. All right, so thank y'all again for joining us.
Speaker 1:You got anything, thank you, no, that's it all right.
Speaker 2:Love y'all, y'all be blessed and we will see y'all next. Till next time. Till next time, take care, hey, thank you for joining us, for Doing it With the Daniels, if you want to keep up with everything going on on our channel.
Speaker 1:don't forget to Like, comment, subscribe and share this podcast.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. We'll see you next time.