Good Boys
Good Boys is a podcast from FOR THEM about two trans guys, Kylo Freeman (actor) and Motti (comedian) reflecting on what it means to be a “good boy."
Coming of age is hard, understanding yourself is hard, what the fuck does it even mean to be a boy? Kylo and Motti challenge each other on their past selves, their journeys now, and how to be good people. They're learning a lot about themselves and figured why not do it in front of the world? What could possibly go wrong!
On Good Boys, the hosts will get up close and personal about the moments in their lives that encourage, challenge and prevent them from being... well... Good Boys. They'll have some help from friends and role models who'll come on as guests and teach them a thing or two.
Good Boys
Running to the Altar with Bobbi Salvör Menuez
On this episode of Good Boys, we welcome newly wed Bobbi Salvör Menuez on the pod to discuss expansive masculinity, intermittent hormone replacement therapy and what Marvel movies are doing to cinema.
You can find Bobbi on Instagram, you can stream their films Summer Solstice on Amazon Prime, Lunacy on Apple TV, and My Animal.
Good Boys is a For Them podcast co-hosted by Kylo Freeman and Motti, and audio engineered by timalikesmusic. Submit advice questions to goodboys@forthem.com.
is done. I've always and not to sound like an asshole, but I've always been able to come super easily like you. Look at me and I come like I. Just I can come super easy but, it's made it even worse. So now, when I'm having sex, I have to think you're like don't come.
Speaker 2:I have to think about.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to Good Boys, welcome back. We have Bobby Salvo-Menoz here with us today.
Speaker 2:It's true, I'm here, Hi.
Speaker 1:Bobby Hi, how are you?
Speaker 2:I'm really good, I feel great.
Speaker 1:You look fantastic. You look fantastic. Okay, so welcome to Good Boys. On Good Boys, we start the podcast by talking about how we've been a good boy this week.
Speaker 3:Um do you want to kick off, matthew? I would love to, even though I quite literally have not actually I could. Usually I'm good at thinking about it. I have a good one this this week.
Speaker 3:So next week my girlfriend and I are going to europe. We're going on a little trip, great um, it's like our first. We've gone on like little domestic vacations but it's like our first big trip together. And she was previously married and I remember she would complain that her ex-husband never wanted to do like any of like the help planning of the stuff, but then he was the first to complain if it wasn't whatever anyway.
Speaker 3:So I have made several dinner reservations in the multiple countries that we'll be going to, um, including one that's like at the top of it's like the highest point, with a view in Switzerland, that like in this specific city in Switzerland, and I made reservations and I made like an Amsterdam canal cruise reservation and like set it up and put like a little itinerary together, um, because, yeah, right, well, so we've started the joint itinerary, but like I've added it and I'm like booked 7, 30, like paid, paid for check mark, like whatever um and she really appreciated that and I think that that is my good boy of the week that's very good boy which I'm happy to do like what countries?
Speaker 3:are you going to? So we're flying into am Amsterdam and spending a couple days there, and then we're spending one day in Bruges, specifically only. Well, they say you should spend a day in Bruges, but because we both love the movie in Bruges, and then First thing that comes to mind, it's in Bruges I'm like it's a movie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a sat-share movie.
Speaker 3:And we try to get dinner reservations at the restaurant that they go to, but it's closed on Mondays, which is when we're going to be there, anyway, and then we go. My sister lives in Stuttgart, germany, because her husband's in the army. My brother-in-law and she's got four kids there that I'm super close with and I haven't, and it's beautiful. And then we and we're training all of this. We just got like a Euro rail pass and then we'll be going to Paris and fly out of Paris. Wow, it's amazing, just missed the Olympics.
Speaker 3:I'm like it might be a shit show there.
Speaker 1:It could be.
Speaker 3:Which I'm fine with. The only thing I'm hearing with this whole whole thing is that marty's gonna be off work, which is stressful for me for 10 whole days.
Speaker 1:But yeah it's only really six business days it's not that long.
Speaker 3:No, because I did it over two weekends.
Speaker 1:You're welcome, okay thank you so much loving very humble I'm bobby. Good boy, double good boy, bobby, have you been a good boy this week? I should also say I, I should, I should intro you and all your beautiful accolades oh, thank, thank you, you know.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to try. I'm going to try, okay, so, bobby, you are a creative director. Yeah.
Speaker 1:An actor.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I was going to say activist. Do you identify as an activist?
Speaker 2:I do. I'm involved in actions.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't professionalize as an activist but I am involved with things. I think sometimes also just when you're like a queer person who is vocal about your opinions. That makes you an activist in a way that I feel somewhat ambivalent about that, like positioning yeah, but yeah, you can say about stuff.
Speaker 3:I think you care. I'll let other people say that, but I don't like put that on my body yeah, well also, and not just like a trans or queer activist, is also the thing yeah, there's other things I talk about exactly what you're describing is like when you're like oh, you're trans, you're a trans activist, and some people are like well, no, I mean, like I kind of am just like I'm a trans person that cares about stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah who, like, wants to be alive, yeah controversial activist yeah, okay, we're gonna strike that, strike the activist um I thought we landed on okay, okay. But we landed on, yeah, okay general activist of all the things that we care about.
Speaker 2:Something like this okay and uh model um, yeah, I'll take that okay, yeah well, you've modeled a bunch, right yeah, I used to do it a lot more, um, so I feel like a retired model, but uh, I wouldn't mind modeling more because money is great.
Speaker 1:So we'll put that on there, Okay. Great, let's put that on there, Okay. Um director.
Speaker 2:I have directed. It's funny because, um, my career is extremely multi hyphenate and I have mixed feelings about that. So hearing it all out loud, I'm like oh yeah, I do that, I don it all out loud. I'm like oh yeah, I do that. I don't know. I've like I had this thing recently where I was like I want to just say I'm an actor and like try and embrace that, but I do do all these other things.
Speaker 3:Like.
Speaker 2:I really do all these other things.
Speaker 1:But you do all these other things very well. Thank you, yeah.
Speaker 3:And I think that you I mean, I think it's fantastic that you do all these things you should embrace them. You know it just like, gets long, the list gets long. There's nothing wrong with a long resume okay, I think that's great. And we've had this problem with well, we've only had two other guests so far. We had Jess Tom on and Rivka Reyes, and it's the same thing where you're like okay, that, like, you've done this, this, this, this, this like and and model is always the common model.
Speaker 1:We only have models, models exactly um okay, did I miss anything?
Speaker 2:oh, I also have a queer food art collective that I'm a part of, called spiral theory test kitchen.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's cool. That's also a thing I do. That that's a thing I. I lumped that in creative director and I shouldn't have. What would you?
Speaker 2:yeah, I would call that I mean just being like an artist great, which is such a great catch-all for a lot of this.
Speaker 3:Yeah, wait, can you explain what that is for me?
Speaker 2:it's honestly so hard to explain okay, never mind. Basically it's just like me and my partner and our collaborator, precious Akoya Mon, and we work with food as like a psychosexual material okay, cool and that can include things that are like a dinner, but also it's like you know, we make like edible ball gags and like cool you know, have like installations and the you know, and write recipes that are also like creative essay, slash poems and it gets so cool, freaky and confusing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cool, yeah, so have you been a good boy this week how have I been a good boy this week?
Speaker 2:I, technically I'm gonna say this, even though technically it was a little over a week ago- I got married, which I think is very classically good boy behavior. But then the thing that happened within this week, which extended that good boy energy, was cleaning up after the wedding, which was like mostly me and my now husband amazing but uh, yeah, like a lot I. I like hand washed every single dish for like a dinner for almost 200 people wow, okay and you won't see that in the Vogue article.
Speaker 2:but but no, getting married was very good boy. Yes, are you a?
Speaker 3:husband, partner, wife, like what? Are you using a title?
Speaker 2:We're husbands. Your husband Love that.
Speaker 3:I think it's so hot I mean I wore, wore.
Speaker 2:My look was very like I feel from a normative standpoint would be considered more bridal energy. But mostly just because I love, I'm like if we're gonna do a wedding, like, let's lean into the camp, let's lean into, like, what is the theme of a wedding? Like what is I love? A little, yeah, like frilly sissy moment for myself love that, and we had a lot of fun it looked amazing.
Speaker 1:We had a lot of fun. It looked amazing. I know you guys should have come I know it was like I wasn't invited. I just want to let let the crew know that I was invited I wasn't.
Speaker 2:You're gonna regret that you're gonna regret that for the rest of your life.
Speaker 3:exactly, exactly it was upstate New York.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was just at a friend's property who has like a good amount of acreage, so it was like you could freak out, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I loved it. I saw that you ran. This was like an iconic moment that you ran to the altar.
Speaker 2:I did, I did. Well, the aisle was technically really long because it was like the this field and, yeah, we had, um, our good friend tourmaline officiate, who is an amazing, amazing person, who I love so much. And, um, when we were talking about the ceremony, because she really held her hand through it, I was like, oh, I didn't know the officiator did anything other than the thing on the day and she was like no, we're gonna meet like once a week for a month and like talk about it and like figure it out, like what is the ceremony like how are you like going to queer the things in the way that feel right for you or not?
Speaker 2:and I just like early on, was like I just have a feeling I'm gonna want to run down the aisle and they were like really okay and I was like I'm not gonna like commit myself to that now, but I just have a feeling that's good, what I'm gonna want to do. And on the day I was like this is exactly what I need to do with like the adrenaline in me and it felt it was the most beautiful video I've ever seen.
Speaker 1:It was incredible and you're like billowing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the train train it was so good what was the arrival? The arrival to so once you're done running, once you arrive at the altar, like, are you, are you jumping and have you? Or did you jump into your husband's arms? Or like, did you like slide into home base? I'm just trying to think, if you're, if you're running, did you just like run and then stop?
Speaker 2:Well, someone on TikTok was like I was hoping this would end with a slip and slide, which I think would have been a really good did. Just well, the altar was a dock floating on a pond, so it was like I didn't have to kind of slow my roll and like yeah hop on the moving thing and cool. Yeah, I just was like I don't, I don't know what my arrival was, I just I was there and then excited okay, cool, how did your partner approach the aisle?
Speaker 2:he walked in like a that's so weird, yeah right, but the contrast was yeah, yeah, I love that that's cool
Speaker 1:I love weddings I know I'm getting married, I think not next year, but the year after, maybe really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I keep pushing it because the planning, I mean maybe you can tell me, but this if you ever want to talk shop, we mostly planted ourselves and we had one friend come on who was a producer and then a food coordinator, and that was like our team I love that.
Speaker 3:It's like a. I love that it's a producer, like for artists. Yeah, it's not a wedding planner, it's a producer, it's a producer.
Speaker 2:I'm like we did all the wedding planning stuff yeah, ourselves I'm excited for you yeah, I'm excited.
Speaker 1:I think we might do it in italy, if you're for a travel, yes. Yeah, love.
Speaker 3:I have an Italy wedding in two years, so can you plan it so that it's around the same time, so I don't have to go twice? Yes, I can.
Speaker 2:Two years is a good amount of time away Right To plan I think so we set the date, I think like two years out.
Speaker 3:It's also like so expensive you know.
Speaker 1:Well, that was the plan. Also, because we have so many family members in the UK, it feels like a shorter trip.
Speaker 3:Obviously.
Speaker 1:I'm not taking into account all my US friends, sorry, but I think you all can handle it.
Speaker 3:I'll give you the link to Rachel's villa.
Speaker 1:Kind of maybe.
Speaker 3:People will figure it out.
Speaker 1:People will figure it out. Well, that's amazing. Amazing. You're married, married man. Do you feel different?
Speaker 2:I do. I do feel different. It's hard to like put into words the feeling, but I definitely feel like something has changed. Yeah, it was very I mean, it was a very like transformative, like we really went for it with the wedding.
Speaker 2:We were like we're not holding back we're gonna be totally delusional and like try and make something like beyond our wildest dreams, even though we have like very little money for it. It's awesome and yeah, I mean I think also just like having all your people like witness you in that way and I don't know. I'm like, oh, I really see why people do it. I don't know.
Speaker 3:There's nothing like it really did you always want to be married growing up?
Speaker 2:not necessarily. I didn't really think it was something I cared that much about, but then I was the first to propose, so I yeah, my mind was changed, yeah, and feeling overcome with yeah romance and love, yeah it's beautiful.
Speaker 1:How are you a good boy? Oh my gosh, yeah, um, how was I a good boy? You know what? This is how I was a good boy. I actually went out, and you know this I went out this weekend. I don't go out at all.
Speaker 1:You know I don't drink and I'm boring and I'm in bed by 10 pm most nights and I went out to to see Moti for a few drinks and then I continued. We got food and then I went to Kobe Hall oh nice, I know which is wild for me how was that?
Speaker 3:it wasn't that fun. Well, how was it for you? Because I know how you feel about being in like very sapphic spaces.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, we talked about this a little bit, but I feel like every time since I've had top surgery and I'm transitioning, and then every time I go out any space I'm in, I'm like, should I be here across the board? Like I feel like we went to a event of a pride that was super, super sapphic, um, and I was there with another trans guy and he was like dude, like we should not be in this space we're cramping the vibe and I was like oh shit, and I hadn't thought about it since.
Speaker 1:Then he like put this into my mind and then then I'm like in gay male spaces and I feel about so anyway, I'm still trying to find my, my groove. Kobe Hall, actually, from that perspective, felt quite diverse.
Speaker 2:I've never been, admittedly okay okay, fair enough.
Speaker 1:Like I don't know what it's like that shocks me, aren't you from?
Speaker 2:New York? Yeah, I am. I don't know why I've never been there, but I was hoping you were gonna say that you were at gush oh, I know, I didn't see it.
Speaker 1:Did you go? I did go, oh man how was?
Speaker 2:it it's always good. I love gush. I think it's. I don't. I also don't drink. Go to bed early like love to not go out right but I got.
Speaker 1:I always love gush what is the vibe of it?
Speaker 2:it's very sexy um. I'm in yeah, that's it. It's very sexy, it's it's savage, but it's. It's like feels very inclusive where is it what? Where is it? It changes where it is oh, okay, it's one. Okay gotcha, yeah, cool but there's always dancers, like after, like around, like two in the morning.
Speaker 1:There's like lap dances cool oh my gosh cool stuff stuff like that makes me feel so excited and like I want to be there, and then, when it's happening, I'm so panicked well, you don't have to get a, you don't have to get a lap dance. If you don't want to, you do you must, maybe you have to, I do I do um, so I think that's how I was a good boy.
Speaker 1:I actually like got out and and had a good time, you know, and socialized. It's important. I'm trying to do that more this year and not be such a home body you know good on you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, good job, good boy.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much, thank you um, also that I can't believe you like I got married, married, I'm like I went to cubby hole different weeks, different way, different.
Speaker 2:Whatever we're trying, you got me on a good week exactly, yeah um, great, okay, what's next?
Speaker 1:well, um boy, good boys in the news. Good boys in the news in the news, where we read out a headline without reading the actual article, we're sorry, like good boys do. Like good boys do. And then we decide whether the subject of the article, um, is a good boy or a bad boy, of course understanding that on this podcast, boy is very and also good is is very expansive definition, mutable term yeah, exactly, good is expansive.
Speaker 3:I'm just like I don't, because it's like. Sometimes it's like good isn't like they're doing a good thing, and sometimes I'm like I kind of like that, so it's good to me, like it's, yeah, it's not like christian.
Speaker 2:Good, yes, yes, yes, all right, okay, here we go.
Speaker 1:So, uh, headline one lots of male politicians are wearing makeup. Now, not all of them are pulling it off, good boys yeah, I have opinions.
Speaker 3:Okay, go, I don't know. Do you have a do?
Speaker 3:I do too, but you first okay so we discussed this I think it was on the last podcast where you know, like matt gates has this makeup on and he's gotten this work done and stuff and people like to like get, have a getcha moment of like, oh, you don't like drag queens, but like, look at all your gender affirming stuff and I don't like going after politicians for that, because I think you get into like body shaming and how it applies to the broader mass of people who have had this work done. Whatever, I think there's better ways to get politicians than being like your concealer looks bad and you've got a brow lift. Am I crazy to think male politicians have always worn makeup? You go on live tv, you're getting. You're getting a. You're getting a light concealer, you're getting some kind of makeup. I don't think it's new that men are wearing makeup on television, so I don't understand. I should read the article to see what they're talking about it.
Speaker 3:But I think that, in terms of, if we're looking at the overall liberation of of all people, I think everyone deserves to wear bad makeup and wear makeup poorly. So I think it's good boys, because I think it's funny. I don't know. There's something about it that I love, even though I'm sure I hate most of these politicians. I hate most politicians, but I think there's something fun about them wearing makeup poorly. What about?
Speaker 1:you.
Speaker 2:Bobby, something fun about them wearing makeup poorly with that bobby? Um, yeah, I think it's. I think makeup is really fun. Yeah, and there's something very endearing about people having bad makeup. Wearing bad makeup in public. Um, I, I do think that politicians, we should be able to come for them about anything but personally, but at the same time, I do think coming for anyone in the public for how they look is like not it's a low blow and it's like not really towards the liberatory.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like end, yeah, I think we should make fun of politicians all the time. I think my thing with the like being like oh, drag whatever To me, me, it's like pointing and I said this the last time it's like pointing at like a very angry homophobic man and being like that's because you're closeted, and it's like what, how are we? How is that helping?
Speaker 2:that helpful yeah, is that?
Speaker 3:helpful. Is this going to make this person more homophobic? Like? I don't think someone's gonna like. I don't think Matt Gaetz is gonna change how he feels about drag performers and trans people if we keep calling him a drag. I think it's only gonna get worse that's fair.
Speaker 2:Yeah, fuel to the fire, yeah, yeah, I don't know but that's you know.
Speaker 1:I don't even I agree with you that that men have always worn makeup, but it does seem to be a step higher than that. I think that everyone seems to be getting facelifts and fillers, and totally talks and all these things and that for me, I had this thought the other day that I was like at what point is that gender affirming versus just trying to fit in with some sort of societal norm of perfection, you know?
Speaker 2:Well, it's funny because I was literally thinking about this on the way to the train. For some reason, this morning. And I think it all is.
Speaker 2:I mean, the thing is, gender is so elusive, what it even is yeah but I think changing your body at all in any way can be gender affirming, even if it's like not to a linear end, you know it's like, oh, like you know, getting like elf ear surgery maybe that's gender affirming for someone you know like it's not necessarily like in line with, like a binary assessment of and this thing of like you know, people getting so much work done to like be some perfect ideal, but that is part of what culture is saying gender is and so totally, there's always gonna be like subculture saying that gender can be something else.
Speaker 2:But yeah it does seem hard to escape body modification being somehow gender affirming yeah, no matter who you are, whether you're cis or trans, and I think it's kind of cool to connect what cis people do for themselves that is gender affirming to what trans people do. That is gender affirming because it helps connect those dots, because it's like, oh, when you come for legislation, that is gender affirming. To what trans people do. That is gender affirming because it helps connect those dots, because it's like, oh, when you come for legislation, that is about gender affirming care. It's like you know those statistics that I obviously don't remember perfectly about how like most like youth who get gender affirming care are cis youth. Yeah, actually like gender affirming surgeries are mostly performed on cis gendered youth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I read that like what is that? Hello? Can you explain that to me?
Speaker 2:oh it probably has to do with like a lot of like chest surgeries for like you know like even rhinoplasty, yeah, rhinoplasty basically ffs.
Speaker 3:Yeah, boys who want less titties I don't know, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, guys who are right. Yeah, yeah, I know I always say it wrong gynecomastia I think is what it's called when you have like breast tissue when you're totally we have.
Speaker 1:We have a bunch of customers actually that buy landers for this? For this reason exactly. Yeah, not.
Speaker 3:There's a gray's anatomy episode where a teenage boy gets, um, you know, the tissue taken off his chest. But there was a lot of conversation with his parents about maybe keeping it and the only reason that he wanted to of course this is a TV show, but the only reason he was wanting to get rid of it was because of, like, his peers at school were being mean to him and when he actually sat down with, like, do I actually want to do this, he was kind of like, not really Look at that Grey's Anatomy, yeah.
Speaker 2:I love Grey's Anatomy so cute yeah um, I know that we're on this on boys in the news, but while we're on this subject, because I'm interested, bobby, talk to me about your gender my gender just talk, just generally well, recently I've been thinking again about this, this term that a friend of mine I think maybe invented because I've never heard anyone else use it which is gender agnostic, which you know they had described well, this was a friend who previously was identifying as a trans woman and then was coming into a non-binary identity and from that place and was talking about this in a way that I heard, kind of like that gender is this kind of unknowable thing, but I have a sense of it. I have a sense that this might be true for me, or this might align for me, and I'm going to move with that faith, without maybe necessarily fully understanding it. And I think for me, as someone who doesn't identify in a super binary way but also identifies as a good boy or whatever, um that resonates for me. You know it's like there's a laundry list of like identification language. I can probably relate to Um. But yeah, I mean, I'm a trans person. I love being a transsexual. For me, that means that I've like done like medical intervention around my gender and I don't think that's necessary for people, but it's something that's been really cool for me, yeah, yeah, it's interesting because I feel like masculinity has shown up in really different ways throughout my life.
Speaker 2:So when before I came out and was connected to my trans identity and was living in the world like kind of like female, socialized, whatever, like pre-transition, like living as a girl, um, there were things that I did that were gender affirming for me. Like I had terrible hygiene. I had like absolutely disgusting. Like my first apartment I lived in with my best friend. We never cleaned the apartment once on purpose. Just I don't know, I was like a hoarder. We got bed bugs. Like I never cleaned anything. Like it was disgusting, I don't know. I smelled bad. Like I always really liked burping. That's like I once won a talent show burping the alphabet like there were just like things about being like.
Speaker 2:There's also this like, um kind of like niche video piece made by these teenagers called like dirty girls, which I really related to, and like this thing of like filth in relation to that, or like also my relationship to like eating food, having a really big appetite, being able to like out, eat like the biggest dude at the table and being like oh, you're eating that much, I'm gonna eat twice as much. Like.
Speaker 2:I just had weird stuff that like felt really affirming and that I think were, was associated masculinity. Also, like in my early 20s making money modeling, like I really liked to be kind of like a daddy with my money, and like people I dated I would like be like let me treat you, Let me take care of you, yeah, Whatever Like. So that was like a way that it showed up then and now, like those things are less important to me. Like I'm like now I take a shower twice a day. I'm like I used to be lucky if I took one once a week. Like I took one once a week.
Speaker 2:Wow. But now I'm like I love taking a shower. It feels so good, it's awesome to be clean and wear deodorant.
Speaker 3:I don't know. Do you think that's just because you found other ways to affirm within yourself your gender expansiveness?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's part of it. I think also just like growing up, like having different values, like being like, oh like. Hygiene is part of how I take care of myself like hello, like I don't know, just like different things.
Speaker 2:I just like I also had really young parents. I was a feral child and then, on my own, like more like personal spiritual healing, like tried testosterone before I even cut my hair, you know. A a friend was like if you want to try it, and I don't know. Once I started to kind of like enter into like exploring the question of like am I a trans person? You know, I mean literally like it was probably 2015 or 16 when I Googled am I transgender? And then my cis boyfriend at the time saw open the computer, saw that I was like what's this?
Speaker 2:and I was like I was just doing some research and like for myself you know, and I had a lot of trans friends at the time and, like most of my closest friends were like queer and trans, but then somehow I just was like dating this, like nice guy who would sometimes wear my underwear, and I liked it like whatever you know, just like yeah like I always loved.
Speaker 2:I mean, I always was attracted to people who had seemed to have a fraught relationship to their gender, and then I realized that was also true for me makes sense and yeah, and then I don't know, later on I was like in a relationship a primary relationship with someone who was like we had a very intense relationship where we were both like kind of like smashed into each other and we're like digging into all of our trauma and everything and a lot of like first time trying things, blah, blah, blah. And then, like in that relationship, we both got new names, we both like tried testosterone for the first time. We just like went for it. And then, yeah, I don't know. I mean I like took a formal break from like all things visible, like. So I took a like formal break.
Speaker 2:I told my team like I want to like take a break from modeling, I want to take a break from auditioning, like I need to like not be looked at. I like became a substitute teacher at a private school and like worked as a barista and like shave my head and just tried stuff out. And then, um, yeah, and then a couple of years ago I got top surgery, which I loved and I'm really excited my friend's getting top surgery tomorrow and I'm going to take care care of them yay um, I love taking care of people getting top surgery.
Speaker 2:It's so cool, so fun, weirdly, um, yeah, and then, yeah, I've been on and off tea and just like been feeling it out. And how do I express my masculinity, I don't know, it depends. Like sometimes I dress just like a teenage boy and sometimes like I am doing something much more, like femme coded or something.
Speaker 1:I really, really resonate with the idea that, before you really understood your, or when you were at the beginning of your journey, you were like creating these, like masculine moments through these other forms and I've always known that about myself.
Speaker 1:Like I did the same daddy thing, like as soon as I got a bit of money I was like drinks on me for everybody, um, um, which I feel like, and I used to be and I used to feel actually uncomfortable if anyone paid me for anything. It felt like this, like challenge of my masculine self, you know. And then the more I've had top surgery, I've like come through this journey and I'm like way more comfortable to, to be honest, embrace more like feminine sides of myself which actually I'm realizing are quite expansive, my feminine sides, but I've never, I'm only just exploring them. Now I'm getting comfortable with them. That's interesting, like the intersection of, of visual transition and like internal behaviors of, of gender, you know totally it's such a dance too
Speaker 2:because it's like when one thing comes in that's super affirming, then it's like some other things just not as important anymore like I've, just I'm like oh, now that I've had top surgery and I've done these different things, like I'm like kind of growing my hair out, I'm like I could see. You know, I once was on this, like during the pandemic, I was on this zoom trans meditation course where there was like a guided meditation of like seeing your future self, and this is very um, revealing but um.
Speaker 2:We were on a tandem bike, me and my future self. I don't know why but, um, and they had a flat chest and a really long hair and I hadn't had top surgery at the time. But after that meditation I was like I'm calling the surgeon, I am like I knew I'd wanted it for a long time but I've been putting it off, putting it off. And then I like saw it visually and was like, oh okay.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And then I was like I guess one day maybe I'll have long hair again.
Speaker 3:Sometimes I'll have long hair again. Sometimes I feel quick notes, sometimes I feel really jealous and sad and a little invalid of myself as a trans person, because I had literally no fucking idea for most of my life until a couple of years ago and so I didn't have moments of like this behavior was probably I mean, maybe really really really deep down and in small ways I had like these things that were like I probably should have made me realize earlier. I think as a really young kid I was non-binary and then I was such a cis girl and I used the term like I was previously cis because I it's not that I was closeted, I had no fucking idea. I lived my whole life until 22 years. 22 years old, I am a cis woman Like this is who I am, like whatever there was anyway, and so I always think it's like really fun and interesting, like how I don't know. Sometimes I feel like like am I really trans?
Speaker 1:And I'm like, yeah, obviously you're like really trans, fully a trans person.
Speaker 3:And then a couple of years ago, before I moved back cause I'm from New York and I was living in North Carolina and before I came back I had this um like a call with a psychic that my friend introduced me to and it was before I was like gonna have top surgery or anything. It would would have been a few years and she told me I was gonna move back to New York. I was gonna find someone who, like the person that I end up with, will be someone in my very simple like, have a similar career and like hobbies or whatever. And like my girlfriend presently like is also a comedian and she's an actress and like whatever, um that I would have a podcast now that I think about it.
Speaker 3:She did tell me that I'd have a podcast and that I'd have a major surgery that I wanted.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, that is so amazing. Yeah, which was that's very cool.
Speaker 3:Yeah, which was just really crazy uh next headline, convicted murderer Scott Peterson breaks silence after more than 20 years. Could he be innocent?
Speaker 1:um, I need context for this one.
Speaker 2:Okay, cool yeah, I don't know who. That is no, okay. So if I'm, if.
Speaker 3:I'm remembering correctly and if I can pull it up and maybe we can get a producer check, I'm going to just do this, cause there's two Peter, there's two big Peterson.
Speaker 2:Should I Google it?
Speaker 3:I'm going to pull it up here.
Speaker 2:Are we breaking the rules of the headline game? So there's no rules.
Speaker 3:So Lacey Peterson also like Netflix just put out like a new documentary for it lacy peterson was pregnant when she went missing and then they never found her body. But they found I'm so sorry, this is graphic they found like the fetus, it like washed up on on shore, um, but like never really like her body. And then no, well, so that's how they knew like of course something has happened, because they were just like she's missing the body, um, but like on the household computer, they knew like of course something has happened, because they were just like she's missing, but like on the household computer, they found like how to get rid of you know, like blood, whatever.
Speaker 3:The entire floor of the home was had a coat of bleach on it okay, and like he had gone out on his fishing boat and um, all of these things, and also he was having an affair. And he told his girlfriend that he was having an affair with that. His wife was dead already and so when her photo, when lacy's photo, was getting put up on the news, the girlfriend was like, hey, I think I have a tip. I've been dating this, her husband like whatever. But then they found out there was a burglar across the street around the time that she went missing. So people were like, well, maybe if he didn't do it, then it was she went.
Speaker 3:She was walking the dogs and witnessed a burglar and they took her or something like that anyway, but the husband and a lot of people and he fled. He dyed his hair blonde and then he went and met his brother and his dad on the golf course and went golfing and, like, tried to, tried to drive away, whatever, anyway um, yes, why do all these these like murderers go on their home computer and google like how to get rid of a dead body?
Speaker 1:they're like how to murder my wife without finding it? You?
Speaker 3:know, yeah, I don't know it's it's really horrendous, but this was like one of the biggest ones where, like, people were really iffy on if he did if he did it or not, and I think, I think, if I can be so bold to have an opinion on it. I think that he did. I'm going to go bad boy.
Speaker 1:I'm going to go so, so. So is the idea of the headline. He's 20, 20.
Speaker 2:Is he innocent? Is he innocent? Is he innocent? I?
Speaker 1:mean, I mean you minimum. You were cheating on your wife, yeah, which?
Speaker 2:which I feel like the the prison industrial complex. I'm against it right, but at the same time, I think, just like giving air time to the possibility of like this random fucker, like being innocent, when, like it's just not about you, dude, like I'm sorry, but there are other things that are more important to talk about right now sorry, I don't know I agree I agree, like I'm like okay if you are, like you're free now, so like yeah, just go enjoy and shut up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I don't know just I'm getting douchey vibes me too.
Speaker 2:He's an absolute douche and of course prison is terrible and I'm sorry you were in prison, but also you don't seem great.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, and it was like also one of those things where, like this one got such media attention at the time. Like I remember, like Barbara Walters like went to the house to do like a whole thing and it got so much media attention because they're like an attractive you know, an attractive couple, so of course people like cared to pay attention to it.
Speaker 2:It's okay so of course people like cared to pay attention to it, so it's okay anyway it's just very I don't know, it's just very click baby, totally.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like some of these are gonna be, I mean every single one of these are click baby okay, let's go to the next one. I didn't like that one, okay. Okay, we're gonna say next one is the next one, okay um, okay, next headline.
Speaker 2:Next headline former congressman george santos expected to plead guilty to fraud I'm gonna say good boy, yeah you're gonna say okay, go why um, because good for you, george santos, for being honest for once in your life. Yeah, that's precisely why I'm saying good boys too also.
Speaker 3:He's so fucking funny. It would be so much cooler if he did all of the lying and bad things and like was on the right side of thing, like you know what I mean, like it would be so cool if we had like a cunty gay former drag uh, former drag queen on our side of things. But like when is that, ever when would that happen? But um, what, what fraud did he commit?
Speaker 1:I don't what fraud, did he not?
Speaker 2:commit.
Speaker 1:Everything was fraud, yeah everything he said yeah, it's a lie, but does that?
Speaker 2:that's fraud, is that?
Speaker 3:where? Where he's from, like what like his family, his bank statements, his previous jobs yeah oh yeah, I heard he was like did you have an only funds account? Or he did botox with the money or something. Yeah, which I? Yeah, okay, yeah but you know he's so funny to me he is funny he's a bad boy, but that was good boy behavior yeah, I agree okay, okay, I think you two will like this great ready.
Speaker 3:Next headline brian cox says cinema is in a very bad way. Cites marvel, deadpool and wolverine. Quote unquote it's become party time it's for conduct.
Speaker 2:Who is brian cox?
Speaker 3:uh, the guy from succession.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the dad logan.
Speaker 3:Oh okay, thank you sorry, no, no, no, I'm really not good with names.
Speaker 1:No, you take the run um, it's become party time. Yeah, I mean bad boy, do you think? I, I, I don't know I don't know, wolverine, I don't know really what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2:But I just am like complaining about party time, like yeah yeah, like that's that's true, that's.
Speaker 1:That's a bit I feel like. I feel like cinema is dying. So I feel like good boy I I feel like it's, it's okay, good boy, good boy.
Speaker 2:Critique is helpful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know anything about this movie that he's okay, okay, I can tell you so firstly, okay, sorry, I thought it was like because it's gay. No, is it gay.
Speaker 3:I think it's homoerotic in the way that ryan reynolds is very I thought wolverine and deadpool are gay together.
Speaker 2:Oh my god I hope so.
Speaker 1:No, I know, but everyone thinks that hugh jackman is closeted, gay man I believe he came out did he not come out?
Speaker 3:no, he's getting divorced from his wife though.
Speaker 1:That's coming out okay, no, here's the thing. Deadpool and Wolverine just blew all the box office like you know, and each other. I hope it did better than any other movie ever okay, ever like on earth. I hope it did better than any other movie ever Okay, ever yeah. No, no, for real, like Oppenheimer On.
Speaker 3:Earth More than Oppenheimer and Barbie.
Speaker 1:Producer check, but more money, I believe it was 1.2 billion on the box office More money than any other movie.
Speaker 3:Wow, correct Producer Ever. Okay, r-rated is important, r-rated in history with a 1.08.
Speaker 1:Okay, R-rated is important.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not like ever ever. Okay, fine, he came to 2019's.
Speaker 3:Joker.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's impressive and it's very impressive and I think it's a couple of things. It's like Marvel, so it's always going to be big Ryan Reynolds. He's like a movie star, I guess. Cricket cricket. He's like a movie star, I guess um, anyway, the point is I read this. I was so shocked because I was like how bobby's causing trouble? How is that the case in my mind?
Speaker 1:I'm like nobody's going to the movies anymore this is like a crazy time where everything's streaming movie sales are dying like the cinema just isn't a thing, and so I was sort of half happy to see that this, even though it's a bit cheesy and it's a blockbuster, whatever that like it beat all these records you know, and everyone's going yeah, here's the thing.
Speaker 3:People will always show out for a marvel movie in theaters, in my opinion. Yeah, and I'm a marvel dude and I don't, I say that it I I risk a lot saying that because brave because it's cringy and it's also like you get well you know if that's the price.
Speaker 3:No, here's the thing Marvel like Marvel guys specifically like get like. It's not cool to like Marvel one because it's like a multi-billion dollar like thing and you shouldn't stand that. Whatever, I enjoy the films, I like superhero stuff. I think it's like a multi-billion dollar like thing and you shouldn't stand that. Whatever, I enjoy the films. I like superhero stuff. I think it's really fun. I think it's really entertaining. Very masculine of you.
Speaker 3:Thank you very much I love, x-men, x-men was, I do love the origins of x-men is to represent the gay and trans communities and marginalized communities, and it's very gay and it's led by a gay man, two gay men. They're both gay, right, patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen are both gay?
Speaker 1:oh sure, yeah, they are yeah, so, like you know, whatever anyway.
Speaker 3:Um, I think that Marvel, like people, will always show out to Marvel movies yeah in my opinion, the first movie I saw after the pandemic, like when I thought it was somewhat safe to go to and we can argue, maybe it's still not, but uh was Black Widow, because I was like I gotta see this in theaters. It's something that you, because of the experience, like you have to see it in theaters, the same way you needed to see Oppenheimer in theaters, or whatever but just a question just to back up.
Speaker 1:And what did you think of Black Widow?
Speaker 3:you know I thought it was fun. Dk like the like. The casting was awesome. You get florence, pew, scarlett johansson and dk harbour, which I think is really exciting um, and rachel weiss is in it as well I actually I know, yeah, like what are you gonna do?
Speaker 1:um, I really loved, I really loved that movie yeah, I thought it was fun. I really loved it. Yeah, maybe just because I'm obsessed with all those women. I don't know. Yeah, could be anyway.
Speaker 3:So I I do think I'm never surprised when it does really well. Plus, like the average American, I think, loves Ryan Reynolds. I think the average, like cis woman and cis man, like equally love Ryan Reynolds, okay. And same with Hugh Jackman. And so when you have a crossover Bipartisan issue.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Exactly like crossover. Yeah, I think it's gonna be huge, plus they're like cross, promoting it with like blake lively's new movie and like she's really well, actually, I know basically.
Speaker 2:Well, it's a whole fucking thing. There's a whole like thing going on about it, right, well, I know there's like drama about yeah but how would that connect to the deadpool movie?
Speaker 3:well, because she keeps like bringing him along for press interviews and like mentioning it and being like where your florals to see my domestic violence movie and then go next door and watch okay, the x-men?
Speaker 1:yeah, he wrote one of the scenes in the movie too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and and after they got the first director's cut of it ends with us. She commissioned the editor of wolverine and deadpool to do an to do a cut of it ends with us and it pissed off interesting wow yeah, wild, wow so looping back to the headline, where this film is considered a, an emblem of the end of cinema yes it's party time.
Speaker 1:Yes, sorry, so you're right, so now I actually it's really confusing.
Speaker 2:Well, well, do we? Do we, I'm assuming like okay, I?
Speaker 1:think. I think that I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say bad boy to brian cox, because I think it's a good thing if we can, if we can get every, if we can lure everybody to the movies with a cheesy, marvel-y blockbuster film, maybe we can lure them to the movies for amazing indies that you know we want people to watch I think we need to have a non-binary boy you can do this you can do this you can, that's yeah, yeah, um, what would we say if it's not good or bad medium?
Speaker 3:medium, medium boy, neutral, mid. I'm feeling neutral, I'm feeling neutral.
Speaker 3:I'm feeling like let people eat garbage if they want to eat garbage, yeah not to say that it's garbage I haven't seen it but like yeah, different people like different stuff yeah I never saw it, I probably never will, but I would be happy to also yeah, yeah and I I think critique is good for culture and cinema and like yes to the critique and also like whatever yeah, also like brian cox is like, with all due respect, like an old, you know an old dude who's been in the game for a while, so it's probably not for him, and I think that specifically like it's party time comment is probably in reference to like you can tell, it's like two buddies who made a movie together and like so it's all their humor like yeah all of Deadpool is like Ryan Reynolds exactly, and it's like I'm gonna get my friend and like Blake Lively had a cameo in it and so it's kind of like who of?
Speaker 3:my buddies and friends, can I get? In on this project that I'm doing, but I do get the criticisms of like Marvel and money and like yeah, ample Ample.
Speaker 1:CGI and whatever.
Speaker 3:Totally yeah.
Speaker 1:Next headline, bank of America, tells junior execs to blow the whistle on managers who overwork them.
Speaker 3:Oh, good boy. Yeah, Like instinctually I would say good boy. But is it just like a memo to have on record that bank of america looks out for their employees but they don't actually carry through like follow through on it?
Speaker 1:I don't know, you know, I I feel like I have a controversial view on this, which is I don't know, do we think people work hard? I just feel like working over. It's about working overtime I think it's like it just says overwork them. And of course I haven't read the article but. I think there's this weird. There's this weird culture right now, where everyone in corporate thinks no one works well everyone thinks you're going to pull a kim kardashian right now.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what do you mean? Nobody wants to get off the grass. Oh my god. No, no, no, um uh but what a quote.
Speaker 1:Um no, there's a, there's, there's this idea right now, and I don't know where the truth lies, where everybody that owns a company, and especially a big company, feels like gen z don't work hard at all and gen z feel like they're just getting fucked by everybody and they can't get a good job that pays well and they can't get health insurance and all this stuff. And both things can't be true.
Speaker 2:So I don't when I see hell wait, I think they both might be true, yeah hold on.
Speaker 3:I disagree with that. I think they're both true. In what way? I think both are true? I think that they're and we've talked about this previously on the podcast I think there are plenty of people in every generation not just gen z and not just millennials that have shit work ethic and can't keep a job, or they can keep a job but they don't excel in it. And then I also think there's many corrupt business owners and bosses and managers and executives, like I think this is like. I think like it's generalizing, like I think that they're like there's a few bad apples who like absolutely take advantage of like having a cushy job and they don't do whatever.
Speaker 1:Uh, and then I think, like I think both are true yeah, but I want to know why you think they can't exist. No, I think you're probably right. I just no, I think you're probably right, I guess I just when I read this headline, I'm like is that because all your workers are getting overworked and you're worried about that? Which feels that feels?
Speaker 2:wrong. I have a, I have a controversial side opinion about this which is have either of you seen, problemista.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:So in Problemista there's a very iconic Bank of America scene.
Speaker 1:Okay, tell me about it. I have not seen it, that's.
Speaker 3:River Ramirez, yeah River.
Speaker 2:Ramirez is amazing, we love.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I was wondering. I was like how did they get away with doing that scene where they're kind of throwing Bank of America under the bus in like a very hilarious, iconic way? I don't want to give it away. I want you to just see it.
Speaker 1:I don't want to give it away.
Speaker 2:People should just see it, but I was always like I wonder if, like how, this is affecting their PR, like you know how, like, apparently, when Big died on a peloton, like their sales went down or something.
Speaker 2:So I was like, I was like, oh, like, is this gonna be bad for bank of america? Not that I care about their the yeah, the yeah journey of bank of america as a corporation, but, um, part of me that's the first thing that came to mind when I heard this was like, oh, like, they have to do good pr now. They have to, like, make themselves seem more ethical because, like, because they became the like the bank that was used to kind of mock how so? Many banks and corporations are so predatory.
Speaker 1:So that was my association.
Speaker 2:And I think, even if people are doing good behavior just for show, I still am glad they're doing it. So I would say good voice, great Okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's good. It also reminded me of when I was in Barbie. I'm like I can't believe Mattel's letting them do this. Obviously it ended up making them a ton of money, so I guess they figured it would pay off.
Speaker 1:I do think that the traditional thing of any PR is good PR. I think is true for those big companies.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and maybe it gave the illusion, and maybe this did happen that big america gave julio torres the okay to include that.
Speaker 2:I don't know I mean, I imagine there was a legal team who figured out one or another yeah, yeah, it also reminds me, uh, movie and tv villains.
Speaker 3:Can't, you can't have iphones, if you ever notice that, or they can't the bad guy really will always have like an android.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the same for wow, but that's the same for like the they a lot of the work, like for american um american psycho. Yeah, um, they couldn't. They had, I believe, and this is all going to be wrong, so we'll do a correct, we'll do a corrections corner next week.
Speaker 1:But I believe for christian bale originally was wearing a rolex watch and rolex was like no, no, and then they tried to change it to omega and all these and brands and everyone was like no, no, this guy can't wear any of it and he was sure that and he needed to be a very like, wealthy looking dude and they were struggling to just dress him in anything, because everyone was like no, please don't please don't associate us with so funny I know right, but I do think just to close the yeah I do think there are a lot of americans and that are severely overworked right now, overworked and underpaid.
Speaker 3:I do think that that is a problem that exists in this country and I think it's always existed I agree, but I don't think it agrees in corporate I think, it is, like, especially true in corporate.
Speaker 1:I don't know, maybe I'm just biased because I used to work in corporate and I just I love all of you and I love all my friends that were from corporate. But ultimately, you know, you guys don't work that hard. I don't think, and compared to and I did not, I work way harder now than I ever.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you know I think that, like I think a lot of corporate job what do they call them? Like email jobs, like a lot of them are like bs, like whatever but, I think that's like when you get to a certain level, like are the people you're referring to are they like on the higher upside, or are they like if you're bottom of the chain, I'm think?
Speaker 3:I think you're working late nights, I think you're working weekends you're taking shit and like what, and I think that that's probably what this refers to about you guys.
Speaker 1:Totally, I mean, you get less, you know, you take less shit as you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, as you go I think for a corporation that big, there's probably a lot of terrible, terrible, terrible jobs where like being exploited is part of how that job is designed yeah, great, y'all watch industry no no, I hear it's really good it's really good.
Speaker 3:It like filled the hole in my life when succession ended.
Speaker 3:I am a big fan of succession yeah, me too and they're similar and in in that it's like I mean it's its own show, but um, it's based in london, the stock exchange, and it's like these recent grads, this like new class of um stock exchange floor people like what, what are they called brokers or whatever? Yeah, um, and like how competitive is and, oh my god, they are overworked and abused and sexually harassed and forced to do cocaine and whatever it's fan. It's a fantastic um show. I'm trying to think of who I should say like in this new it's season four just premiered.
Speaker 1:John snow is as in it as like a guest you know character, but this poor guy, he's gonna be john snow until he's dead. Sorry, I do.
Speaker 3:I do know his name, um kit kit harrington, but it's really good and you will be like holy shit, people are abused so badly okay, I'm gonna watch it, and I'm also gonna get a bunch of dms from my friends telling me to fuck myself, probably after that, oh, yeah, yeah good great awesome awesome, was that all?
Speaker 1:that's all the headlines. Oh, unless you want to make any up, that's it.
Speaker 3:Say yours, and then I'll, and then we'll go around well, mother of three caught doing fraud, tiktok fraud stole thousands from tiktok shop, uh from matt gates oh, like matt gates, bought Matt Gaetz. Oh, like Matt Gaetz bought everything it was.
Speaker 1:Matt Gaetz, it was his shop. Only for it was his shop.
Speaker 2:Okay, in hopes of becoming learning to fly, be a pilot.
Speaker 3:Turns out is Amelia Earhart's direct. Great, great I don't know how long ago Great, great granddaughter.
Speaker 2:Descended.
Speaker 1:Descended.
Speaker 2:I've got nothing to add to that full circle. Yeah, it's pretty robust of a headline um tea time.
Speaker 3:Tea time, yeah, yeah. Uh, we have a portion of the show where we do a tea check-in because we're on different I always say this word wrong uh, different regimens.
Speaker 2:I always want to say regime, oh yeah, I would make that same mistake, yeah okay, uh, we're on different testosterone, like hrt regimens um, so we do little check-ins, yeah, and, and general journey check-ins, you know, if one isn't on testosterone.
Speaker 3:Totally, yeah, yeah I can start um. So I had my 20th shot of testosterone thank you on this past friday um my butt cheeks are so hairy, which I knew was gonna happen because my brother has always been that way sexy um, so like I have so much more like hair, even though I was starting with a decent amount to begin with. But my butt cheeks are really hairy, to the point where brit pointed it out this week.
Speaker 1:She was like in a loving way, so hairy uh well.
Speaker 3:So she said that and I immediately because she's mostly dated men I was like okay, but like your, your boyfriends have had that book. And she's like yeah, of course, and I'm like okay, so like I don't feel like a freak or any like it's not like you know it happens. Um, my voice is getting deeper. Everybody that I talked to on friday was like your voice is so deep and I just like where I go, it's shot day, because to me I think it deepens immediately after.
Speaker 3:But I think is that right no, I don't think so um but like what else? I mean like, yeah, like we're, yeah, we're getting there, like I don't know. It just makes sense to be like, oh, you're clocking it, it's because I just juiced, I don't know, more and more facial hair right keeps happening. Um, yeah, right, I'm growing hair on like the top of my nose oh, interesting be happening like over on.
Speaker 2:Like the crease of my mustache just here yeah, a little bit above.
Speaker 1:Yeah, did your brother have that?
Speaker 3:no, I don't think so interesting. He's got a beautiful beard, you saw it yeah, he was.
Speaker 1:He's gorgeous, but no hair on the top of his head, which is so fun to me hair everywhere but his head interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can be on tea and a tea blocker for that if you are, yes, all right, and you can go on minoxidil which is supposed to well, maybe that's more for facial hair, but yeah, I don't know about that one as much but, there's like a specific blocker that like is just for hair loss stuff interesting.
Speaker 1:I know some people have gone on. Yeah, that's good to know because it's one of my fears losing my head hair you know, I worry about it. I don't think I could carry it, you know I think you would well because I've seen you with the buzz cut yeah, yeah you got a good head shape.
Speaker 3:Oh, thank you so that helps um, my eyelashes are a little longer and curlier. Okay, I've always had pretty great eyelashes but now I don't tell you that yeah, but now I like, oh lord now I really feel it like if I look up, I like, really feel them as if I just did a like an eyelash like they're like touching yeah like they touch the top of my lid.
Speaker 1:That's adorable, yeah yeah, I think that's it um I upped my testosterone dose I'm gonna using gel which, um and uh, I upped it. I for context.
Speaker 2:I'm having to do this very slowly because I'm getting my eggs removed oh my gosh, I'm surprised you can be doing the both at the same time you can, but as long as you're doing like a slow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean triggering, but they told me that they're upping it to like top, like the, the higher band of a woman. Yeah, air quotes, um so an athlete perfect, um, so, so then you know, my eggs are not damaged in any way. Um, and so then I'm getting my eggs out, actually, embryo, embryos out, actually.
Speaker 1:So I'm getting sperm and like putting it that they say that's the best to do that to do the embryo thing, so I can, so I can take out my eggs, so that I can take testosterone at a high dose, yeah, yeah exactly, but I did up it for now slightly, and every time I up it, even a little bit, the only thing that happens to me is my sex drive just peaks. On that day I'm like obsessively on sniffiescom so I put you on there.
Speaker 2:I've never been on it, but I know of it. I introduced it to.
Speaker 1:Kylo, the thing is, I'm like pretty straight, I'm pansexual comes out as straight can we get a producer check on this it's confusing. My sexuality is confusing me right now, and I don't actually I think.
Speaker 3:I think it could be the testosterone, I don't even know yeah, because honestly, yeah, because I'm also bi curious now and it's 100 and I don't know, it's just because I'm so horny.
Speaker 2:That's how someone makes you gay.
Speaker 1:Say again yeah, right yeah, this is what I keep hearing anyway, so so I just like troll sniffies like some sort of weird lurker, um, and don't ever act on it yeah, they're gonna kick you off. I know, god, I'm sad about it, they're gonna kick me off, but the only thing is there's no intermediary phase on sniffies. There's no like you know, if it's like zero to 100. There's no 20 or 50 like dipping your toe in. There's none of that.
Speaker 3:It's like very directly yeah, 100, and I'm just not you're not there, I'm not there then I think you should just go on tinder and set yourself to dudes and like that's your 20 yeah, you're so right. Same piece is so exciting, there won't be dead.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, fair. So. So that's the only thing that's happened that I up my testosterone. I'm extremely horny, um, and I don't know what to do with all that energy love it, you know how about you? What's your? What's your?
Speaker 2:I am off testosterone right now, but I've been on and off since 2018 so like four years and yeah, I have a thing sometimes around what?
Speaker 3:I think six years.
Speaker 2:Oh math, not to correct six years not to correct you, but I don't want you to undercut your journey. That's a whole maybe it's like five and a half okay, because I feel like I was like six months into dating my partner when okay, okay I started, but yeah, it's been really cool.
Speaker 2:I just I I'm off right now, particularly because I don't feel ready to commit to facial hair in like a big way and that is truly like the only reason, um, and I even just recently was like should I get back on gel and just like go to microdosing and like keep it chill, because I really love being on testosterone. But, um, it feels good for me sometimes to take breaks to kind of like assess where I'm at and like see how things are landing and kind of I don't know.
Speaker 2:I mean the first time I like went off of tea. I did like just a hard stop and it was like really bad to just go cold turkey. It was like emotional crash hell.
Speaker 1:Damn. I didn't know that happened.
Speaker 2:Well, if you just go cold turkey, you wanna wean yourself off, because it's just a hormonal crash and then like the estrogen just comes in and you're like yeah it's weird, but I have a thing around gender affirming surgeries where I've wanted to take breaks from tea around surgery to kind of like feel like it's one thing at a time that I'm like assessing how I'm feeling about it and like six months ago I had like a very small like I had like a top surgery revision, kind of like gender affirming thingy, and so I took a break around that and then I'm like still on the break, considering getting back on. But I'm very pro HRT.
Speaker 1:I feel like I don't hear a lot from people. The like changes of like pulling back and assessing of HRT and other areas of transition.
Speaker 2:You know I really resonate with that I just feel like it's a lot that's going on, you know, and I really like I am a meditator, like I really like to be like in touch with my body and like connected to what's happening.
Speaker 2:And like when I first went on tea, I was on like a pretty like chill lower end dose on gel, but the changes I really felt them and they were. I felt they were still really intense and I was like I can't imagine going straight to injections right off the bat. Um, although I had done injections here and there with friends just to like feel what that felt like and that was really meaningful as well. But, um, yeah, it's just like it's a lot to process and I think also sometimes, just like depending on what's going on in my life, or just like, yeah, my relationship to myself, to others, what's, yeah, it's it. I feel very much like it feels good to be flexible and like not relate to it in a linear way, because that feels more authentic for me and like I feel like, through some trial and error, I've like learned about how to like do that without like getting myself to like emotionally like what's going on.
Speaker 3:Yeah totally too, like emotionally, like like what's going on? Yeah, totally yeah, I think that's a. It's really cool for people to know that that's a possibility because, even though it seems like pretty like no brainer, like people think it's either like one or the like. You're either not on HRT or you're on HRT for the rest of your life, and there's so many reasons why people stop um. And when I know, when I started um, I started at the very beginning of April and I told myself I was like I also waited to do tea until I had top surgery because I was like what if that cures?
Speaker 1:like what if the top what if that, what if top surgery is like, takes care of the dysphoria?
Speaker 3:and like it. I mean, it took care of a lot of it but not all of it. And so I ultimately decided a couple months later I would go on tea and I told myself and I told my mom I was like, if I reach what I wanted, like if my cause, the voice doesn't go back, so like, for instance, like if I know a deeper voice was kind of what I wanted, and just like more I don't know, like the, the body fat redistribution I really wanted and stuff. And I told myself, if I accomplish, like if I feel happy with where I'm at or on the opposite side, if I'm unhappy with how someone's going, I'll just stop and like. I think that, like when I explain that to my friends and stuff, like a lot of people didn't realize that you could just do that and that yeah, some things will just remain the same.
Speaker 3:Some things will revert back, but most of it kind of just stays where you end anyway, so I think it's cool for people especially like gender, fluid gender, gender nonconforming people, who maybe don't feel very binary in their transness, that they know that that's an option. I think it's really cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I also like, I'm, like I don't, I'm not into like the alt-right co-opting of people who, like have multiple stops in their gender journey, like being like detransition. I think there's a real obsession with, like the narrative of detransition which for me, I think, is retransition. It's like that's not a thing, like you know and I've known people who've had really like multi-layered journeys in their gender, in a way where I just am like you can't go backwards- really in my well, I mean, life just doesn't go backwards.
Speaker 2:But yeah you know, and I just think, like I don't know, I'm just very into like kind of like softening the cis trans binary as well, where I just am like, people are doing gender affirming things for themselves all the time and that goes in a lot of different directions and, like you know, has a lot of different cultural like meanings as well. So it's just like. Why be like? It's just this or this, I don't know yeah.
Speaker 1:I completely agree. No, I realized. I don't know if this has anything to do with my testosterone. Maybe one of you will know, but I feel like my bottom dysphoria is getting slowly worse.
Speaker 2:But I don't know, interesting. Yeah, that kind of makes sense to me because there's like added sensitivity maybe. So there's like heightened awareness of that body part, yeah, totally.
Speaker 1:Maybe like before I felt like it wasn't that bad, but yeah, now I feel like maybe it, maybe that is, I'm just more aware of it. And you know, this thing that you described with like everything feels more like when you orgasm everything's just more like.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I've located, I've described in previous tea times, that like my, or just like the way that I experience orgasm has changed, where, like the first time I had lesbian sex as a again as a cis woman, it's like, oh my god, this is like my whole body I'm lifting off the ground and like now, when I I, when I orgasm, it's like that's coming from my day, like it feels very much centralized. I'm like that is my day, cool, um.
Speaker 1:So yes, sorry, keep going, but I've just, I'm just saying, I wonder where it is. Well, I've always remember we talked about it.
Speaker 3:But you have body dysmorphia, I have. You have bottom dysphoria, I do not surprisingly and I've always what you're.
Speaker 1:The way that you were describing your orgasm now is just how I've always orgasmed this idea that like you're having like full body orgasms out here. I'm like what?
Speaker 3:you're like, I was like, like, like everything was like I'm like what?
Speaker 1:no, everything is like in my junk and also like the graph of my orgasm, I think, has always been quite stereotypically male. It's sort of like I'm like not horny and then I'm very horny and then I'm just like.
Speaker 3:And then you come in falsely.
Speaker 1:It goes like up and then it peaks, and then it goes immediately down.
Speaker 2:And then I'm like don't, I mean don't touch me. Yeah, I gotta drink some water.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, I gotta grab a cigarette, yeah, and exactly I gotta grab a cigarette, yeah, and I don't know if that is something that I have like, create, created.
Speaker 1:I thought about the other day. I wonder if I've created this idea of like coming like a dude, because it makes me feel affirmed. But I know anyway, somehow I'm not horny at all after I've orgasmed, where I was talking to my partner about it and I was like do you actually still feel like horny I'm getting laughed at here by probably do you actually still feel excited and horny? So I was like do you actually, though, like, like and, in relation to the graph, like, where is it? Does it go like halfway down? Does it go like? You know what I mean? Where is it at? And she's like, yeah, I still, she's like, not 100, but I still feel excited and I just don't feel that anyway, we're off track, but I'm just letting you guys know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, these days I'm just um, it's just horny but post-orgasm. You're just back to that point yeah, yeah, yeah, because I usually will, yeah, like I usually will like loop it back to like I, so I never come first.
Speaker 1:That'll just like it's just not because you're a good boy, because I'm a good boy, no, just because it's just never happened, it's just not.
Speaker 3:I need to get that taken care of for me to even feel like I want to have sex, if that makes sense.
Speaker 3:Service oriented yeah, thank you, yes, and so like, but then so I, I start, um, how do I say this without being so incredibly graphic? I would like to make my sexual partner come, and then it's okay, I can come. But even then I'm like I'm good, like I'm kind of good, yeah, and then. And then like she'll get me, and then like maybe that's at 7 pm, but then, like before we go to bed for the night, I'm like I gotta yank one more out, because I'm still thinking about it from earlier. If that makes sense, it's kind of this like delayed gratification.
Speaker 3:I don't even know what it is, but I'm like. I'm still thinking about how hot it was when you came earlier and I need to in order to fall asleep. I need to get this taken care of that makes sense? Yeah, that makes sense, so I think I would say like it's, it stays I guess.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I've always, and not to sound like an asshole, but I've always been able to come super easily like you. Look at me and I come like I. Just I can come super easy but, it's made it even worse. So now, when I'm having sex, I have to think you're like don't come.
Speaker 2:I have to think about like hold on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have to think about like gross stuff to like make myself I have to be, I have to like disconnect a little bit, so that I don't just like can you jerk off before? Sex? No, because I told, did you not hear my graph?
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, what about edging?
Speaker 1:yeah, I mean, I'm trying. I mean my whole life is an edge. I'm trying my best. I'm trying my best.
Speaker 2:I'm trying my best to to you know yeah, yeah but you have tips for my oh, I just thought, edging it could be could sustain the experience.
Speaker 1:yeah, I think I need to.
Speaker 2:practice is what I need to do, yeah, Well, with the, you know, with the help of a.
Speaker 1:With a friend.
Speaker 2:A strict partner.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Damn.
Speaker 1:Oh gosh.
Speaker 2:Honestly, I'm kind of like being off tea right now. It makes my horniness a little more manageable. I remember when I first got on T and my partner was also newly on T, it was like I remember we went on a trip to go see some friends and we like almost never saw our friends because we, like would go to the party and be like we need to leave and go have sex right now. Like it was just. It was just relentless. I was like we when we were newly dating, it would be like I would get to and we'd be having sex before the front door closed and they'd be like oh, we never closed the front door to the apartment.
Speaker 2:Wow, and that happened multiple times Wow.
Speaker 3:I love that Like so inappropriate. Yeah, so inappropriate Wow.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I still feel horny most of the time, but it's a little more manageable right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But also I feel like early, like first getting on tea versus like being on tea later. It's a little more chill later. For me it was at least are you finding that? But well, I've always been horny like truly my entire life, so I don't think it's necessarily just the tea. I think the tea I've explained this it just makes me more like now I'm watching porn like that's what the tea has changed.
Speaker 3:Like I've always been horny, but like now I want to like watch people. I've always been into watching, but like now I'm like I, I gotta like. It feels like that's the solution is like I it's pent up a little bit. I gotta watch porn and then, as soon as I'm done, I'm like get this the fuck away from me. That's the standard porn yeah, which I know that yeah I know, that's not unique to me, but that's, yeah, what it is I feel like also with tea and horniness.
Speaker 2:There's something for me where, like, what testosterone does for my mental health is so good in that, like I have, my anxiety level goes down a lot when I'm on testosterone and I really noticed it at the beginning, like, and also just like things that annoyed me just didn't annoy me anymore, like so many things like that, and also just like things that annoyed me just didn't annoy me anymore, like so many things like that.
Speaker 3:And so I think having less anxiety also makes me more available for fun sex too.
Speaker 2:So it's like even if I'm technically not like horny or whatever, like just being less anxious or being more relaxed, like is supportive of.
Speaker 1:That's so true.
Speaker 3:I haven't been able to communicate that, but you're absolutely right, and a lot of, not all of it, or maybe not even a lot of it, but you can argue a decent amount of dysphoria, or like your gender feelings are gone, and that's also going to make you more open to sexual and, as you like to say, sexual intimacy, I like to say sexual intimacy british english, english, yeah, so that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Actually intimate. Well, yeah, bobby, anything you want to plug. What are you working on right now?
Speaker 2:um, well, a couple films that I worked on have been coming out, which has been really fun. So, um, even though this came out technically last year, I'm still gonna plug it my animal because it's.
Speaker 2:It's a sapphic werewolf movie that I really love, that I worked on. That came out during the strike, so it's fun to talk about it when I can, because I couldn't. Then, um, and then this australian film called lunacy came out earlier this year, and then also this film, summer solstice, um, just went to streaming on friday, which is really fun, and they're starting to like submit to award shows or something which is exciting, um, and that was a really cool project because that was like the most trans queer film I've ever worked on.
Speaker 2:We shot, I think two summers ago, like upstate and in brooklyn, noah shamus the director writer is like an angel and that was really fun. And then there's also a polish german film cool that's in theaters in germany but is looking to get American distribution. That I'm excited about Wait.
Speaker 3:should I go see it while I'm in Germany?
Speaker 2:Wait, you should. I think it's still in theaters.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'll check it out and see if it's playing on the army base. It's called Lipstick on the Glass, but it's going to be dubbed in German there, okay, cool.
Speaker 2:That's cool at hi underscore it's underscore bobby with an I awesome, great, thank you. And we have to say, good boy, good boy, bobby, thank you. The Voice
