How I Overcame Addiction Through Spirituality and Self-Discovery, with Tiffany Mouzoon

Tiffany's Journey: From Addiction to Spiritual Awakening and Authentic Living

In this episode of 'Wild Serenity Finding Inner Peace Your Way,' host Maren Swenson engages with guest Tiffany, who recounts her profound story of overcoming a 20-year drug and alcohol addiction. Tiffany delves into the depths of her struggles, including surviving toxic shock syndrome and childhood abuse, and how her relationship with God and spirituality became the cornerstone of her healing process. She discusses the significance of seeking divine signs, her routines, and her drive to assist others through sobriety and a future career in psychiatry. Tiffany also shares insights on embracing authenticity and the role of social media in her journey. This episode highlights the transformative power of faith, resilience, and authentic self-love in the quest for inner peace.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hey, I'm here with the amazing Tiffany and I'm excited about this conversation. Tiffany, we have never met in person and really this is kind of a first time chatting, so I would love to get to know you. I'd love for our listeners to get to know you If you want to give us like a brief overview or rundown of who you are and what you do, and I'd love that.

Speaker 2: 0:27

Thank you for having me. First of all, I'm really grateful to come on and talk about things that have to do with. You know how I really had to dive deep inside to heal and do the work, and who I am today, and so I have quite a story. I have changed a lot over the years. I had a pretty severe drug and alcohol addiction problem, um, that lasted about 20 years, um, and I'm still always working toward um healing on that. Um, and you know I I had a whole different life in terms of a career path, and I've changed all that as well ever since I got sober, um, and I've done it a few times, but this last time I'll I'll be taking four years next, oh well, in July, so it's coming up. It's the longest I'll ever have.

Speaker 2: 1:31

And when I made these turns and changes in my life, I left my old career. I used to do hair and I was driven to do it. I wanted to be in that industry, um, you know God hada different plan for me and, um, you know I changed. I changed that. I went back to school. I'm still in school, um, and I'm pursuing a uh degree in uh psychology. So, um, what I want to do there is go to medical school to practice psychiatry. Yeah, it's my life's work.

Speaker 2: 2:12

I was put on this path by God and you know I've always had a love to help people and, you know, be there for people and guide people, and especially as I got sober. But you know, when God introduced this whole thing to me and put me on a path that that he had, really it was divine and it was his will. And you know we had to take care of one thing first and that was getting sober. And ever since then, you know he has just opened doors for me and changed me as a person, though inside I'm a very, very, very spiritual person. I'm very connected to God. I always say God's my like best friend. You know I love him so much. It's emotional for me because he saved my life several times and you know I could have died. I could have died in drug addiction, in alcoholism. I could have died.

Speaker 2: 3:17

When I was 16, I was hospitalized for a week in ICU. I had a very rare bacterial infection called toxic shock syndrome. If you know what that is, it's from wearing tampons I wore. This was back when Tampax came out with like wear it all day, you know, 16 hours, eight hours super plus, and I, I was wearing those and I got very sick and I was hospitalized and I almost died then and you know, he spared my life and I used to hear a lot from people back then, like, you know, you must have something really big to do because, um, you could have easily been dead, you know. And so, um, yeah, that's kind of what, what's who I am, I guess.

Speaker 2: 4:03

Um, I, drug addiction is such a big story for me, and where I came from, and then, like where I'm at today, um, I also struggle with a lot of mental health struggles, aside from addiction, and, um, through it all, god has been my light, he has carried me and brought me to a place where, you know, I really just focus on him, like he is my source of being okay. I don't depend on myself, I don't depend on family, necessarily, I don't depend on friends, I don't depend on people, I depend on him because, um, he is what fills me up and makes my heart whole and gives me strength to endure whatever's coming my way. Um, I truly believe, with all of my heart, I can get through anything because of him. Um, and you know, like, for me. I had such a severe past of drugs and alcohol and just the person that I used to be Like, if you ask my family, like has has Tiffany changed? Like I have, and like I know I have because, um, I was a very self-centered human being in drugs and alcohol addiction and today, like I work really hard at, you know, being self-aware and being available for others and just sharing love, sharing my story, sharing what basically, like all of these qualities that make me who I am today, like I would never know who I am if I did not go to God and figure that out. You know, I truly feel that we never really.

Speaker 2: 6:00

You know, it's common, maybe you've heard this like almost like people are looking for something, they're looking for something in their life, right, and like something that I've learned is like what we're looking for is who we truly are, and who we truly are we will never find, unless we build that relationship with God. Absolutely You'll never find it and you'll always be looking and something just quite won't feel right and you can't put your finger on it. But I could say people a lot of time right now and just let you know that this resonates with you, what you are looking for is who you truly are, and who you truly are is who you are in your heart. Yes, absolutely. And so you know God has done that for me and, um, I've gotten to know my personality. You know not who I am in here. You know when life is happening and, like I, I want to react, boom, like it hits. You know that that's old Tiffany behavior, um, but God has taught me to give it a moment. Give it a moment. You know he will always show up for me. I pray all of the time.

Speaker 2: 7:10

I have learned from this relationship that I have with God, you know, to be in constant communication with him. It's very important for me, for anyone, to be in constant communication with him because, um, he is our source number one, and I can guarantee you that there is nobody in this universe that wants better for you than he does. Yeah, and so we'd almost be fools to not be in constant communication with him. You know, yeah, how do you stay in constant communication? Oh, my goodness, I probably seem like a freak. I'll tell you that I do be, and I don't care.

Speaker 2: 7:51

That's the beauty in it and I think God loves that about me is that I've gotten so comfortable in my prayer that, like I, I talk to him wherever I am, um, if I'm in line at the store, if I'm driving, if I'm walking, I don't really observe that there are people around me anymore, because that's me and God, and you know it keeps me stable as well. You know, I really believe that in in all of my heart, that he's listening, in in all of my heart that he's listening, he's listening and he lets me know he's listening, because I get little God shots of maybe something I was talking to him about and then some, but somebody or something will happen and it just confirms to me I hear you, I hear you, yeah, yeah, and so I stay. I really work hard at um at doing that.

Speaker 2: 8:45

And you know, it's funny, like even today I had a friend that saw me at the gym and he's like how do you do it? Like how do you come in here and like it's like we're all right here and like you're way up here working out and you're so like driven and you have this like same fire, like every time you come, and it's like well, first of all, like it's coming from God. You know, like I check in with him and I I don't I start. I have a whole spiritual uh practice that I do every morning and, um, you know, I get my coffee. I wake up very early, like sometimes three, 30, four o'clock.

Speaker 1: 9:22

Oh, wow, yeah, that's middle of the night for me.

Speaker 2: 9:24

Yeah, it's very early and some people don't understand it. I don't think I understood it in the beginning, but, you know, god really guided me towards this new life and thank God he did, because it has helped me build so much, you know, so much foundation in who I am and where I am today. And I go downstairs and I get my coffee and I have a little prayer room that I designed and it's gorgeous in there and it's very secluded. It's in the back of the house and inside my mom is Catholic so I let her do her thing in there with her saints and things. She loves the blessed mother.

Speaker 2: 10:08

So I'm like, come on in, you know, and then I have, like my uh things that I like and I put them around and, um, you know, I go in there and I have my candles lit and I just began to speak with him, you know, and, and I always start by thanking him and we do, uh, we take an account and an inventory of the day before and I have to do that because, uh, it's really important. To who did I talk to? What did I talk about? Who do I need to pray for? Did I do something wrong? Um, should I have said something differently, like. It's really important for me to do that because it helps me stay conscious in who I am today, being very present with yourself and very yeah exactly.

Speaker 2: 10:57

So I work hard to say sorry. You know, he lets me know where I might've messed it up and, um, I need to go apologize or, um, you know, sometimes I do writing in there, sometimes I, I do, I read a scripture in there, uh, it, it. I really just opened myself up to that time with him and um, and, and I let him guide me. Yeah, yeah, so my morning routine and it can last anywhere from an hour to three hours Like I don't know, um, but I, I just, and I meditate and like meditation has become a huge part of my life.

Speaker 2: 11:39

I was guided toward doing that as well and I used to think I can't meditate, like I can't do that, you know. But yes, I can, and he comes in and speaks with me and like I'll share an experience with your viewers, or, and you, because this is part of my story and it's part of my inner journey. And, and it's part of my inner journey, and you know, when I was in this last relapse that I had almost four years ago, it was so bad and my dad was dying at the time. He was very sick and you know, I remember it was during 2020 where everything was on lockdown and it worked out great for my addiction because I didn't have to see my family, I didn't have to go around anyone Like I, was very locked away to my apartment and um, isolated, and it was easy to use and stay high and just be there.

Speaker 2: 12:38

You know, and and and all I had to do was like kind of pick up the phone and, uh, yeah, I'm good, I'm good, you know. I kind of pick up the phone and yeah, I'm good, I'm good, you know. And, um, you know, things started to change as my dad was getting sicker and I remember telling my sister crazy things are happening, like. I just feel like like like thing, crazy things are happening Like I can't get away from. I feel God is doing something and I need to just run, I need to get out of here, I need to hide. And like you can't hide from God, he will hunt you down. And I felt like things were dropping out of the sky, like I would. I would like kind of make a little, say a prayer to him and be like you know, if I'm picking it up, right, god, then show me marbles. And a marble was on my front porch. The next day I went it was just crazy things Like. I remember saying okay, no, no, no, maybe I'll double check that If something's really going on. Then I want to see a feather. And I went down to the beach because I thought I could hide from God over there and he like literally took me to an entire area in the sand that was covered in a bunch of feathers sticking out, and I thought, and that's when I dropped to my knees and I was like, okay, like you have my attention now, like what is it, you know?

Speaker 2: 13:56

And so, um, you know, back back then it, there was a night leading up to my sobriety date and I remember searching, like mind, body spirit, soul, mind, body, spirit, soul, and I just kept searching this on the internet and, um, and I remember, finally, after hours, closing my computer and I went into my bedroom and I just sat down on my bed and, um, god spoke to me in a, in an auditory voice, uh, inside of me, and, um, I, he came and he made his presence known, um, and I knew that I was to ask him three questions because he let me know. And, um, and I thought, and the first thing that I said to myself out loud, I remember I said, oh, my God, like I couldn't believe that that it was happening. You know the experience. And so I remember, kind of my mind going through like a Rolodex, okay, like I am to ask him questions, and I wanted to ask a question about an ex-boyfriend of mine, but I skipped past that one, and I know today that he actually designed what questions I would ask, you know.

Speaker 2: 15:12

And so I asked about the time when I was 16. I said I almost died, you almost took my life, but you didn't. Is it because, you know, I, I, you, you, I, there's something I am to do, I feel. I said to him that I am to help your people, the people of the world, and he said yes, and um, he answered me and um, and then, you know, in that moment I remember putting my head down, almost like I didn't feel worthy, like but I'm nobody. I thought you know, and but he clearly thought I was somebody to help him and in that moment I gave him my life and I told him that I said, well then, I give you my life and I will always do whatever you ask of me.

Speaker 2: 16:06

And so, um, ever since then, um, you know, that's when he put me on this path. I, I quit my old job, I gave up my apartment, I moved home with my mom and my dad had just died, and I enrolled in school. And I've been on this path, um to pursue psychiatry that he put me on. And you know, it's been quite the journey so far and I've been doing it all sober and thankfully, like in my past you know I had a 20 year run with drugs and alcohol and like, um, I always tried to be sober. I had like six months, one year, three years one time and, um, I relapsed and like I'm coming up on four and, by God's grace, like I just feel that part of me that would ever think or consider a drug it's not there today, you know, but because of him and like I just feel to like in my heart, as long as I keep my focus on him, like there's a really good chance I'm not going to use yeah.

Speaker 1: 17:17

You know, I mean that resonates with me so much like because if you are so connected to God, there is no gap, right, there's no void. You're trying to fill with instances, you're just so tapped in and full of love and self-love, like that makes sense to me. But but it's a hard journey to get there. Yeah, in this world I'd love to go back and hear about kind of what started you down the road of addiction and what life was like for you then and what you went through.

Speaker 2: 17:49

It was, you know. So, when I was young, like I come from a family of sisters and I'm the youngest and you know there's a lot of mental illness, mental struggle in this family, in our extended family, um, and you know I have dealt with um a lot of abandonment in my young childhood years and neglect and um, and I was sexually abused like really horrific things that like no one, like really horrific things that like no one, no, no one should ever go through, you know, as a child, yeah, and um, you know I've dealt with them today because, um, god has helped me, he has healed me through them and, like, when I first had to speak of being sexually abused, I told my sister first and she helped me tell my parents because it does was always my voice. Um, I had no voice. I, um, really was a shy little girl.

Speaker 2: 18:59

Um, I've always been shy and reserved and I I kind of like just hid behind my sister and so I went to her and, like, I told her, she told my parents and you know my dad, coming from his culture, my dad is Persian and a very different culture, not Americanized, you know, and you know they. You know and um, you know they when I and and and even my mom, like my, I think what, and I forgive them now. I do want to say that because when I, when my sister helped me, tell my parents because of their culture, it was very much about keeping peace with family, yeah, and so it was like okay, almost like in denial, that we'll just kind of leave it here and we're not going to talk about it and then and we'll just move forward, kind of thing. And and I don't, I really believe in my heart that my parents probably did the best. I have to believe this that they knew how. I don't think parents really probably can prepare for something like that.

Speaker 1: 20:04

Yeah, right, and so I agree, I think we're all doing the very, something like that yeah Right.

Speaker 2: 20:06

And so I agree, I think we're all doing the very best we can but yeah, I totally believe that and um and that, but I had no idea that that would live in me. You know, the pain of the abandonment is really what I felt. It wasn't so much the being sexually abused part. Yes, that was terrible. But I think when my parents kept peace over, like getting me like maybe the help I needed, or talking or fighting for me, I internalized that yeah.

Speaker 1: 20:40

That's really heavy to carry as a child to feel so like just not seen and not heard and probably unsafe feeling. Yeah, there was a lot of that going on to protect me and they can't really hear it. That's awful feeling for sure. Were you the abuse still happening at the time that you were able to talk about it.

Speaker 2: 21:02

Uh, no, cause, then they, they, um, you know, the one thing my parents did do was they never forced me to go any. This all happened with my grandfather, by the way. Um, it was my dad's dad, and so they never forced me. If I never wanted to go anymore to visit, I didn't have to Um, so it was kind of more like that. It was like didn't have to Um, so it was kind of more like that. It was like it was. They didn't do a whole lot, but I was never forced to like participate anymore either. Okay, so, um, I don't.

Speaker 2: 21:36

I definitely think, carrying that and then having, like I mentioned that horrific trauma at 16. I had survived a crazy like one in every 100,000 women would even get it, and I was a survivor. And I think when I came home from the hospital, I just remember people telling me like congratulating me, and I came home I was already really shy and had had all that other stuff happen to me and then I had this trauma at 16 and it really just I turned so inward at that point in my life because I thought that like I should have been dead, I was supposed to die, and like back then, mental health and therapy was like unheard of. Okay, in the nineties you really didn't do all that, and so I felt like my family moved forward, because they were really happy, obviously, that I survived, like physically, emotionally, mentally, and I just came home and went right back to school, because this happened in August and then school started like Labor Day and this weekend, yeah, yeah. So like that happened.

Speaker 1: 23:02

I just said not even being able to deal with any of that. Again, it's like all the stuff you're feeling just being so squashed and suffocated and shoved down inside you Exactly.

Speaker 2: 23:12

That's exactly like that, like you're describing it, right, um, and I was so young, like how do you process that at 16? Yeah, right. And like my sister, I remember, like shortly within a year later of all that Des, uh, we were very close, she moved to college and I was like devastated, um, I didn't even know and I thought, oh my God, I'm supposed to live without her you know, like and I I didn't know how to be any be me.

Speaker 2: 23:46

I didn't know how to live without my sister because I just my whole life I had been very dependent on, um her like being being my, my like kind of like a caretaker, almost, you know, like she just took care of me. Yeah, and so by the time I hit 20 years old, um, I started raving and um, I met friends and you know groups of people that were into stuff like that and I obviously liked it and I see why people like it. It's fun, but it's not good for you, or was it like the?

Speaker 1: 24:26

the like, the release of having to feel so much negative emotion all the time. Is that what drew you to that?

Speaker 2: 24:34

I think, well, I, yeah, I would say, and I, I also, because I I dove right into drugs like I was using. Methamphetamine is my drug of choice, it always was, and so I didn't like do a little bit or try like weed. You know like I went in and I went hard.

Speaker 1: 24:55

Okay, go bigger go home. Yeah, I do a lot of my things too.

Speaker 2: 24:59

Yeah, like I was in and so you know I had I was always kind of fat, like chunky fat, kind of you know, like as a kid and all through high school like not cute, and so, um, I had gotten on that drug and just all the, all the ecstasy things I would.

Speaker 2: 25:18

I had lost significant amount of weight like over 50 pounds and it was just night and day and like I started to hear from people oh my God, you look so good. Like, what are you doing? Because this is, and obviously I liked it. You know, I liked what I was hearing until I looked awful. You know and like, and, and it just took a turn. Like it didn't take long for me to change as a person. If you know anyone that that uses or has done that drug, you will know that it'll ruin your life in a hot second, like if you last two months. That's shocking. Like it works that fast to ruin your life.

Speaker 1: 26:01

I don't know anyone. I mean, I know people who have struggled with that kind of addiction, but not anyone I'm close to that I've ever been able to sit down and actually like speak to with or hear any details or share their story with me. So I have a very like general maybe more like Hollywood view of it. I guess that's my okay, I mean, if that makes any sense. So I do know that it is so damaging and really ravages your body, but it does. What was it like for you.

Speaker 2: 26:33

Oh my well, first I want to say, like one thing is I feel God spared my teeth. You have amazing teeth, like, and if you know people that, thank you. If they use meth like, that's the first to go are your teeth and your skin. Yes, it will destroy and we get like one set right, and so I feel very grateful that with all that, I still managed to have my teeth today.

Speaker 2: 27:02

And you know, I don't know when I started on that drug, like it was just a dark world, like I don't know it's the dark, one of the darkest worlds you could ever enter, um and what it does to your mind. And you know you just really there is no heart. Um, I feel you fully function from a place of like revolving around you and and getting more drugs of that. And, um, you know I would leave.

Speaker 2: 27:36

What I did to my family is like unthinkable, like I would just leave for like days at a time. They, they wouldn't hear from me, they didn't know if I was alive or dead. You know I would. I would even be high around them, they didn't know it and I would be isolated to my room and you know I could barely maintain jobs during that time because I was on drugs. I was back then, I was doing a lot of serving jobs, so I'd bounce around a lot and get a new one, and get a new one, and so, um, I've somehow managed to like have one, but I never lasted long there, you know where you, when you would leave home and be gone for a long time, did you have friends?

Speaker 1: 28:22

You would just go. What do they call it? Couch surfing, Kind of like.

Speaker 2: 28:27

I would just go with friends. We never slept, so like I mean that wasn't an issue. It was like we would either go to hotels or go to people's houses that I didn't know, stay up, just use at their house and then go somewhere else. And it was just this very dark, lost life that these people were not my friends, they were just. We were all sick and using together.

Speaker 1: 28:49

I know that today, you know um the time, though, did it feel like like this was company, like these were your people, because you could feel on the same plane with them?

Speaker 2: 29:02

So you know, it's so weird Cause, like I used to do drugs with these people, right, but I was always looking at, like, what was a? What was I actually doing to myself, though, and so I was very interested in how chemically I was altering my brain, my body, and then I would always, very high, bring up conversations with people about what happened to you, like why do you use?

Speaker 1: 29:31

I was always that person, so you, even at the time, were aware that you were doing this in reaction to all the trauma you'd been carrying. Oh, 100%.

Speaker 2: 29:41

A hundred percent. I had a lot of awareness that I was using to um, not feel, to feel better, but it didn't work anymore. Um, I was using to feel a part of I, was using to forget I was I just so many reasons, and um, I know, like I definitely knew, though, that I had a drug.

Speaker 1: 30:09

I know, like I definitely knew, though, that I had a drug Like this wasn't normal. If you say normal, it wasn't healthy and do you feel like that was unique to you, that, like were the most other people in that community? Were they not very aware of the why?

Speaker 2: 30:19

Yeah, yeah, I think that they were. Sometimes I made people uncomfortable, actually, when I would ask those questions and they'd be like can we just like get high, like do we have to talk about, like, do you have to be a therapist? I used to hear that right now, wow, and I would just, and then sometimes I'd be like sorry, okay, like you know, and I'd have to kind of go back to being like I always wanted to go deeper, like I never wanted to just like be high and take things apart, like I wanted to research, or I wanted to like write, or I wanted to go deeper.

Speaker 1: 30:58

So you've, you've been a spiritual soul seeker from the get go.

Speaker 2: 31:02

Oh yeah, I would, so I think so.

Speaker 1: 31:05

I just maybe didn't know that that's what it was yeah, you know, yeah, yeah, well, how old were you when you first started using? I was 20 oh 20.

Speaker 2: 31:18

I was 20. Yeah, I was 20 years old, and it lasted till I was 40.

Speaker 1: 31:25

So, and in the meantime of that, like you said, you worked several server jobs, but you went to hair school. I did the other. I'm, you know what was your. That's 20 years is a pretty long span. Tell me about what life was like for you then, and and then let's talk about like what the unlock was for you of finding your true self and being able to dive into that. Yeah, totally.

Speaker 2: 31:49

So you know, I did go to hair school and when I it's like God always had his eye on me because I in hair, in beauty school, they I went to Paul Mitchell and like I don't know if it's a beauty school thing or like by the state, but they allow for you to take or a school Paul Mitchell thing, but they allow for you to take. Obviously you need like so many hours I think it's 1600 hours to get past and you, either you have to do it in a timeframe I think it's a state thing and um, either you complete the hours within this timeframe, but if you exceed over like 2000, something to complete your 1600, uh, something like that, uh, then you don't get your license, oh, but you just don't get it. They you go over, you're over, like you're out, and they'll kick you out of the school. It's done. And so I remember finishing my beauty school and in like within a week of being kicked out, at the nick of time.

Speaker 2: 32:53

And I just feel like God always had his eye on me, you know. And so, um, like, yeah, I somehow managed to finish that. And like, I got a job once I left the serving industry, um, at Nordstrom, and I worked there for 15 years and you know, they, they saw at this point I had switched from like heavy drugs to more alcohol, and so they saw more of like my alcoholism, if you will. Um, while I worked there and, um, I was just pretty much like a mess. I don't know, I was not your ideal employee, but I held that job a lot better than I did the serving jobs. It was kind of like a step up for me.

Speaker 2: 33:38

And then I remember, even though I had had, I had finished my cosmetology hours, I never pursued getting licensed, yeah, and so I thought I'm, I just never thought I could do it and I, and then I didn't have the desire to do it and I didn't really believe in myself to do it. And so then, like, I think, like 10 years go by and I had a boyfriend that I was with for 11 years and he always encouraged me you need to do this, you need to go back, you need to get licensed. Like you, you, you did all this, and for what? Like you can't just let it go. I go back to Paul Mitchell and call them up and ask them if they could help me to get uh kind of retrained, if I could attend their state board classes. And so I start going back and I relearn everything and study for the exam, and I go down to LA and I, I take the test and I pass. 10 years later, wow, that's amazing.

Speaker 1: 34:45

I went to hair school too, and it's a long journey. Like to go through the training and then not do it and then have to come back and like relearn. That's a lot.

Speaker 2: 34:54

Yeah, and I had to relearn it all in like four months. And then I went and got tested and I passed and I thought I'm out of Nordstrom, like I'm leaving, I'm going to pursue this hair thing I actually can do it, you know and then I go and I get a job in the salon and I had just been working in hair for like a year and then I fell into this like horrific injury and I fractured my hip and it took me out. I was out of life for like 18 months. Oh, my goodness, how did that?

Speaker 2: 35:29

I'm so I'm an athlete, I run and I do all kinds of different training and like I'm very intense and, um, you know, doctors never really could actually pin it on something, but it happened and they kind of put it on my running. And so this was during one of my sobriety times and I went through like severe depression back then and you know, I lost like the one thing in my recovery that like I leaned on, which was a lot of working out exercise, yeah, and so I couldn't do that for a long time and then I had to get rehabilitated and like it was just a never ending process and I remember I was already very spiritual then and I prayed and I I told God, like, if I can run again, god, like you know, I promised, like I made a promise to him, that I will never stop moving my body for the rest of my life, like I will always take care of myself and I have been rehabilitated, like I can run again, I can dance, I can do kickboxing, I can do strength training. Like he gave it all back, you know, and like I'm so grateful for that, um, but that's when, um, you know things, like I came back from that injury and I experienced a lot of humility too, you know, um, I just feel, like you know, that there's a scripture where God, if you don't rest, like God will make you rest. And so, um, I kind of felt like a lot of that was for him to kind of shift the direction, cause it was after that injury that like I had that relapse and then he came and spoke and like he shifted the direction of my life.

Speaker 1: 37:17

Sometimes we have to get down to that, that the like forcing you to be still so that he can, oh, yeah to us and we'll be in a place where we can hear, yeah, um, your relationship you mentioned a boyfriend that you'd had for 10 years was, um, if you don't have to talk about that, if you don't want to, but I'm just curious, like when did your um drug use kind of switch or shift from heavy meth to like more alcohol based? And what and what was the cause of that? What made you kind of go away from meth and turn to something that still is can be hard if it's in too much, but not quite as dangerous, I guess, as meth.

Speaker 2: 37:58

So it's funny, he him the boyfriend he was a.

Speaker 1: 38:03

He was a good influence.

Speaker 2: 38:05

So he was my friend for four years before we ever dated and he watched me use drug, heavy drugs and I remember during one of my mental breakdowns of being up for days, I called him up and he came and I had the pipe that I smoked out of and I was a mess. And he came and he took the pipe and he broke it and we went and grabbed food and like we started hanging out and he just it just naturally unfolded our relationship and I knew that if I wanted to really date him it was just not going to be tolerated and so I really wanted to date him because we had such a foundation of friendship to him, like as my friend. I didn't ever want to hurt him with my drug use and so I was willing to say goodbye to that. Not knowing that I I didn't start drinking until I was like 27. Like it was all backwards and so I could drink.

Speaker 1: 39:12

That's so much it's. I mean, it does appear to be a much lesser of the evils, right yeah?

Speaker 2: 39:19

I well, I believe like this is going to be fine, like because I'm just not going to use meth anymore, I'm not going to go to go there, but I can drink because that's legal and everybody does, that I'm 27. Like it's fine. And so I remember we were just having our normal relationship and on our first date he took me like our after we go get dressed up, we go to Mastro's and, um, that night I was belligerent, blacked out, throwing things like just not myself and it was so bad. He recorded me so much from drink.

Speaker 1: 40:00

Belligerent, like no control lost control, but because of so much alcohol consumption, so much alcohol, I just drank.

Speaker 2: 40:08

I didn't even cause whenever I drank I never knew I was drunk, I always thought I was fine and um, you know, and he knew like you've had enough. And so he recorded me and he wanted me to watch it and I refused. I felt so much shame and I thought, oh God, well, it was just that time, I'll be fine, right, and so we would try it again and try it until then I realized like he would tell me you have a drinking problem too. And so then that became revealed to me and like you know, poor thing, like I put him through hell, that relationship, because I fought him all the way. Like I just wanted to be a part of and drink. I thought, how can I ever like be do anything in my life? Like I'm so young, I'm 27. Like I should be able to drink. Like I want to go out with you and drink. Everything was like my mind thought about drinking and being a part of, like whatever the celebration was, if we went to weddings, or if you, if we went to a barbecue and you're offered to whatever. Like I just wanted that.

Speaker 2: 41:20

But you know my relationship, what was it? A belonging, yeah, totally Like. But it couldn't. It was so out of control for me that, like you know, I it became so much and, like the fact that we even lasted as long as we did, um, it's like it was a very spiritual love for sure. You know, he helped save my life after dating him and that's when I really started to like get kind of sober six months a year, like I started to kind of pick up time and do this recovery thing and like go to meetings and all of that. And you know that relationship, in many ways it saved me. It was part of God's plan, otherwise I don't think I ever would have met him. His name was Aaron. It's Aaron, he's still around, he's in my life and you know he's my friend today and he knows that I am on a better path and that I'm healthy and I'm really grateful that you know he God chose him to wake me up.

Speaker 1: 42:50

Yeah, yeah, I love that, that the wake me up and that God puts people in our lives that spark the remembering in us of what we could be and who we really are, you know. So when that relationship ended, did?

Speaker 2: 43:00

the demise of it. Like, how did that affect you? Oh, I was devastated, I was absolutely devastated. He moved away to New York. We were living together, california. Right, yeah, we're here in California and we were living together and I just remember being so like, but I've changed, I'm sober, Like why don't you know what I mean?

Speaker 2: 43:29

But I had caused so much damage in that relationship and like I think we had tried and tried and I don't know, we were never quite on the same page. It's like when I was sober maybe he wasn't totally in it, when he was in it I was off, doing whatever I was doing, you know. So we were always like a beat off or it seemed like, and so finally we had broken up. He moved away and and I was devastated, that's. And during that time is when I fell into that injury and I think from the injury and losing my fitness and just being so isolated to my apartment, I couldn't really do anything or go anywhere and him breaking up with me, I was like fuck the world. Sorry, I don't know if I can say that, it's a lot.

Speaker 1: 44:16

I'm like I'm sure I'm thinking that for you Like I was like fuck the world, fuck everything.

Speaker 2: 44:22

And I remember telling my sister I was basically like preparing my family, I'm fucking drinking, fuck everything. And I was like ready to go and my sister was like okay, well, you've clearly made up your mind already. And then, finally, I think the last person I had to really like make it okay with was me. It was me and it, and it was like you know, I was about to throw away three years and um and go back out and I did and sobriety, what was that?

Speaker 1: 44:54

Three years of full sobriety.

Speaker 2: 44:56

Yeah, I had three years of sobriety and, like all, in the same night I drank and did a bunch of drugs and was up on night.

Speaker 2: 45:04

Like I did it hard the way that I knew how and like and that lasted 10 months. That's that relapse and I don't know. And and through it, you know, like the, the ex-boyfriend Aaron, he came back around and when he found out that I was back on drugs, it was like devastating for him too. You know, it was devastating for everyone my family, my friends, and for me, I know I it definitely hurt God. You know he had brought me through that, but it clearly wasn't my time quite, quite then yet to to do this and but it is today. And like I'm so grateful to be sober today. Um, I love myself sober. Um, I never thought I'd say that Like I used to resent this life of called sobriety.

Speaker 2: 45:57

Uh, because I always thought like, um, you know why can't I be like everyone else? You know, like why do I have to be the one with the problem? I wanted so desperately to control, like, take it or leave it, have a drink, let it go. But it was like never that way for me, yeah, no, and so I, yeah, I resented the life a lot for a very long time and like, I don't know, I always wished I was different. I had a lot of self hatred in back then because I was mad at God. Why did you make me this way? Like you know, because I'm a firm believer that God does not make mistakes ever. You know, and you know I see today like it makes me emotional because, like I see today that, because I have that issue, if you want to call it that like it is the very thing that brought me to him and I'm so grateful. And like I was just talking to God a few days ago about being separated from him, if I was ever like the things in life and you know it doesn't take drugs or alcohol to isolate us and separate us from God. If you have a relationship with him, I just think those things chemically get you there a lot quicker. But there's so many things in this life that are stimulating and that can separate you from him.

Speaker 2: 47:34

And like, for me today, like I'm very careful with everything, because I know that anything has potential to distract me, you know, to take me away from that relationship, and so I try to be very conscious of the company I keep and, um, what I'm doing, and you know just everything. Because I'm not willing today, like the very thought, to go back and and use or like, oh, I can have a drink, Like those are all lies. No, I cannot, you know, and the consequences will be that my relationship with God will end. It will end, you know, and I don't know. If, like you know, I people, obviously he loves me he would come, I would imagine for me again. But would I make it, you know, cause I'm very self-destructive in addiction, Like I was headed down a path of like death. It was that bad. It's scary.

Speaker 1: 48:36

Well, you're a very passionate person I can tell just from our conversation. And so when you feel such emotion so strongly, anything you do, whether it's destructive or amazing, you know you do it wholeheartedly. I'm going to go for it, yeah.

Speaker 1: 48:55

So what was it then that helped you like tell me if I'm wrong here, but was part of the reason you were able to get sober? Was it allowing yourself permission to, like really sit with who you were in in the good, the bad and the ugly or what you would? You know the the negative parts of you? Like when did you deal with all the trauma from your childhood? Did that finally come up? Like what was it that really helped you make the decision and then stick with it and feel at peace?

Speaker 2: 49:31

So I honestly feel that if God never came and spoke to me that night, I'd probably still be out there. That's the bottom line. My, I don't think, I think he had to come. You know, we hear things a lot like God he could have sent an angel, he could have sent a person, he could have sent, like someone you know, to cross my path, but he came personally, and I just think that, like there's something that happened to me that night, like I can't explain it other than like he shifted the way that, like, I think, the way I saw my pain, the way I saw my trauma, he gave me one task to do and he said to me that night I want you to write down everything that ever pained you in your heart. And I and me, being as ridiculous as I was in that moment I told him okay, I said I'll do it in the morning, and you know what he told me. He said get up, do it right now. And I got up and I began to write and write pages, and, as I was writing, his presence left, you know, and um, that is the thing, though, that shifted inside of me. Um, I just lost the, the craving, the desire, the thought process, the feeling, the um, it was gone.

Speaker 2: 50:59

I don't know, like, if you're spiritual, like I believe, maybe I was touched so deeply by the Holy Spirit that I don't know a miracle happened possibly that night that he took my addiction with him. I don't know how to explain it. It doesn't mean that like I don't get you know, I don't know if you know a lot about addiction, but it's a two part disease. It's physical and it's psychological. And you know I'll take the physical part any day. But the psychological part is where it's a it's, it's torment. You know you are controlled by your mind that just won't let up and when it is focused on the drug or the drink, it will stop at nothing until it gets it, period. And uh, whatever that is in me, he took it. You know it's your ego.

Speaker 1: 51:55

Yeah, what it is.

Speaker 1: 51:56

It's the ego trying to control us and keep us safe and it's operating under fear and abandonment and then, in order to connect to God, we have to strip that away and be really deep in it with him.

Speaker 1: 52:09

And that's what that's really powerful and a very touching, miraculous story.

Speaker 1: 52:15

And I love the term miracle because I feel like miracles happen to all of us every day, all the time, and I think we're just not aware of them or we don't allow them to come in and for you to sit there and be able to like really know the knowing you have and the confidence you have and your connection to God is.

Speaker 1: 52:33

I love that because I spent so much of my life not in tune with that part of myself and not trusting my ability even to have that, as if we are born with abilities, like, of course we are all. We are all connected to God if we let ourselves be. But it took me 30 years to really be in tune with that part of myself. Um, and I and I do feel like it came through being totally broken. I didn't struggle with drug addiction, but I had my own struggles, you know, through times where I felt so hopeless and so lost, and so not myself or who I wanted to be, but so that really resonates with me and I'm so grateful you could share such very powerful Tinder stories of that journey.

Speaker 2: 53:16

I love sharing it and I'm so open Thank you, by the way because, like, I want to tell people the truth. Um, I'm, I am a firm believer in, I love living in truth, um, I, it's so powerful and, um, you know, like there, I don't ever want to hide behind anything that happened to me or anything because it's not who I am today, you know, and, um, because it's not who I am today, you know, and helping somebody hear my truth maybe means everything to me. You know, I really believe that, like, I believe wholeheartedly that anybody can change. I do, like, I believe anybody in this world, in this universe, if they want it and they're willing and they go to God and they do it his way, they can change. You just have to be willing and go to him and I don't think there's anything God won't do for us. I don't think it's him, it's us.

Speaker 2: 54:21

You know, we don't like to be uncomfortable because of our unconscious. It wants to control us, it does control us, and so many of us are not awakened to even realize. You know, our thoughts are not our own. Be careful what you say, you know, because if you don't have consciousness, these are all the things that he's taught me. You know, and especially going into the field that I'm in now, like if you don't have consciousness and practice consciousness like daily, you know, you, you just kind of blend in. You just kind of like blend in, you know, and I have to fight for this. And like, when I say fight for this, what I mean is like I don't just pray it once and I'm good.

Speaker 2: 55:12

It's not that simple. You know, like I have to work at this every day, all day, and for me, like it's so about staying connected to him in order to achieve, like that high level of consciousness. He brings me clarity. You know, whenever I am in the wrong like I'm so grateful today that, like I understand the power of saying I'm sorry and and accepting from others if they've done something like, um, I believe in like endless chances.

Speaker 2: 55:50

I always tell my friends and family that, like I don't hold resentments, um, I don't ever want to be somebody you know I used to be and like it did nothing for me, it made me really hard, it made me very bitter, it made me not feel very miserable, didn't make me feel good inside, and like it's not God's way. So I do believe that we're put on this planet to love each other, and you know, leave, Like I'm, also a believer too, that we don't need boundaries. If you truly surrender and you do it God's way, he'll never send you anywhere or put you around people that are not good for you. I believe that he will remove people from my life, and when he does, it hurts sometimes because I love that, but I also trust him more. I trust him more.

Speaker 1: 56:53

I love. I love that you've brought up surrendering, because that's been such a big part of my journey too is just accepting what is and then trying to flourish within that. Just accepting what is and then trying to flourish within that, and because it's so hopeless feeling to just bat your head against the wall and wish it was a different wall. It's not and you're just stuck. It's feels terrible. It feels terrible to be resentful and to regret and to be angry. It's awful feeling. Sometimes we just get so lost and don't know how to climb out of that. But I love like you are a very strong person. I think you can tell just you're determined, like determined to to be better, determination to feel better, determined to crawl out of it, like, I think, just being aware of that in yourself. Like when you talked about how, even even when you started using meth, you like knew you were doing it from a place of trauma, you were like aware of that.

Speaker 1: 57:52

And how many people don't we? Just, we just do things right, we're living unconsciously and just letting life happen to us like the default mode, and being so present and aware of what you're going through and then having the courage to to really pull yourself out of that and deal with how hurtful that is, because I've I haven't used drugs, but I would imagine and you can tell me if I'm wrong here but do they numb and take you out of that pain for a little bit at least? Oh yeah, they do a really good job. Oh, and then you have to come back and crash and deal with all the uncomfortable, awful ickiness, and I like to, to, to make the decision to not go to the numbing place and have to really wade in all the shit. That is, that is courage and that's like true self-love. To really like face. That that's hard. So I'm emotional because just imagining, like, how difficult that is.

Speaker 2: 58:52

It was, it has been, and it and it's not over. You know, I think like I, I struggle a lot. You know, like I have borderline personality disorder. I don't know if you know what that is.

Speaker 1: 59:08

A little bit, but you could explain maybe.

Speaker 2: 59:11

Yeah, so and a lot of that again, these things they run in my family narcissistic personality disorder. They're hefty, like I don't know, like I trauma fueled, like emotional, dysregulated, like I deal with it a lot, especially when I'm um the borderline, uh, when I'm out of school, um, because I am not busy, and so when I'm very free, um, you know these traits that are very much centered around that you read about from this disorder, they, they come to the surface and I, I'm working through a lot of these still till this day with God, and I've grown a lot and like one of the things I can tell you is like you know God doing it his way. You will absolutely go through regression. He's going to take you back, but you're not going through it in a way where you're inducing this type of suffering on yourself. It is God induced and he's going to walk through it with you and so there are no shortcuts with God. He will take you back, you will regress and you're going to walk through it and he's going to show you who you are when you get whatever you know, whatever my solution has been in the past to deal with, like triggers and traumas and pains, I have a default in me.

Speaker 2: 1:00:45

We all do and some of us are aware. Maybe you're not aware, but we have it and it's coming from the unconscious right up here in the mind. And God has taken me back over the last four years and he has showed me who I am. He has showed me who I am in when I default to a lot of the borderline, and he has also shown me who I am when I rely on him, because I, we are in full control of our behavior. He made us that way. It is one of the fruits of the spirit um is self-control, and so I have had to learn that. You know, I used to say things like well, I just can't help it. That's bullshit. Yes, you can. If you rely on God and you do not take your focus off of God and you do the work, you can help it. Because I do believe that before we get that second, that moment to react and default to our old self, we get a moment of something called grace. He will give it to you every single time, but it's on us if we choose to use it, and so God has made me aware of that.

Speaker 2: 1:01:57

Is the borderline gone? No, is it still there, like right over there, ready to come out. Absolutely it is. But I have a choice today if I want to default to those old behaviors or if I want to stay on this path with God. And you know what, like I want to go with God, like I really love him so much and like he's invested his time with me and helping me, and like I'm getting stronger.

Speaker 2: 1:02:25

You know, through through all of it, even even being at a school, it's been like a week and, um, I'm doing much better than I have have done in the past. Um, sometimes you know my the depression can be so debilitating and the anxiety can be scary and you know, I dissociate and, um, I don't know what's real. And I got to call my sister to tell me what's real, because I don't know what's real and like I start to like go into like psychosis and it can be very scary. And like I know that if I I just stay really close to God and I pray and I wait for him and I always tell him I'm waiting for you, god, I know you're coming, you'll come for me, and he does every time. Yeah, it hasn't been that bad, thank God, since you know, it's been a while since that's happened, because I I've grown and he's helped me, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:03:25

Wow.

Speaker 2: 1:03:42

So you said that God showed me who I was. Very insecure, pain. I just lived in a lot of pain and a lot of insecurity and I did not have any idea of who I really was. Like I didn't know myself and I absolutely had zero self-love. I had no value in anything about myself and maybe some of that came from being sexually abused and not being helped, because I thought, well, if they didn't help me, then I wasn't worth it. You know, and, but I was worth it and like, I feel like with all of that, like I even have told my parents, you know, all the places that they fell short.

Speaker 2: 1:04:27

God filled in the gaps, you know, and like I was just a very I didn't know how to like talk to people and sometimes I still don't. I'm super socially awkward, oh dear Lord, like it's so bad. I'm not kidding and I admit it, I have no problem saying it today. Um, you know, and, and sometimes I'm still working on that. I'm still working on like being social, you know, like and and being natural and in being social I'm not very good at it, but, um, I'm not like my sister, like she's so good at it and I'm like so the opposite. But yeah, I feel like that's like a lot of who I was, this like shell of a person with no self-love and no care for myself, my future very insecure and I don't know, just not.

Speaker 2: 1:05:28

It was all bad, it was very negative and like I'm nothing like that today I feel like I do have, I feel secure in who I am because I know myself through God, you know, and like that's it, like there's nothing more than that, like I just feel like I know that I was made in his image, because you know, these are I, I'm, I have my personality is like coming through as I've gotten sober. This is like the longest I've been sober, so I get to really see who I am. Now that I'm like doing the work, the inside work, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:06:10

So I would, I feel really moved to have you, like, sit here now and give yourself like a testimonial, like who are you today, all the things you love about yourself. Like give me a Tiffany testimonial and and mean it and don't make apologies and don't think you're being arrogant, like who are you and why do you love yourself? Cause we all should think this about ourselves.

Speaker 2: 1:06:33

That's crazy. That's a beautiful question and don't apologize for it, wow.

Speaker 1: 1:06:39

Don't, don't, yeah, don't diminish it, don't dismiss it. You don't need to say oh, but sometimes I do this. I just I really want to hear, like, how God sees you and how you can see yourself.

Speaker 2: 1:06:50

Um, I have a really big heart. I have a really big heart Like I love people and I believe in people until they believe. And like I'm funny, you think I'm funny, I think God thinks I'm funny, I also do. I think I make him laugh. I think that I, that I am fiery, like super fiery, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:07:23

Yep.

Speaker 2: 1:07:24

I have a lot of my dad in me. Still, you know, I'm honest, I'm really. I can't pretend I'm not a pretender. I'm super disciplined, like I have a really high level of discipline. I never thought I'd say that about myself, but I do. I think I have a lot of resilience. I know how to work really hard, almost to the point of like suffering. I know how to like commit to something and like see it through and, um, I don't know, I, I truly feel that I'm a beautiful person. Like I feel that I, I am light. I feel that I um radiate light. I want to listen to people. I'm a good listener.

Speaker 2: 1:08:17

Um, I feel like I don't know, like I I don't live in fear really today like I used to. I mean it. It still comes up, but like I'm not controlled by fear, if that makes sense. Um, yeah, I think for the most part, like, if I'm not struggling with like the borderline stuff, I'm happy. Like I Like I'm, I, I will, I love to dance, I'll dance anywhere.

Speaker 2: 1:08:52

Um, I don't care what people think. Um, I like just, I I'll talk to like random people, like I'm not afraid to ask questions if I'm in that like state, though, if I'm in this, like borderline, I will like isolate and like stay away. It can't be that state, though, and but when I'm in my spirit, in my heart, like I love talking to strangers and just asking them about their life, and, um, I feel like I love to learn from people. Um, I feel like I I love being a learner, like I don't want to ever know anything, really, because I want to always learn. You know, and I don't know. I just I think that I have like a lot of like little talents in me, like I love to write in me, like I love to write. Uh, I'm a writer and, um, I like to speak. If I can like help people, like with my story. Um, yeah, I don't know, I think those are probably like the way, the things that I see about myself, because I see myself through this lens now, with God.

Speaker 1: 1:10:08

Thank you so much for sharing that and taking it seriously when I said to do it, because I think a lot of people feel uncomfortable when they're asked to to like praise themselves and go on about it, and I just think how powerful that was for you and for me just listening like everyone should be able to radiate in each other's love and self-love, like there's nothing about hearing that from you and you meaning it. That diminishes me. It makes me feel good, you know, wow, thank you. I love that. I just wish we could all. I wish we had more opportunity for everyone to do that. We spend time praising others and criticizing ourselves and I think, what if someone just came up and asked you to name all the amazing things about yourself?

Speaker 2: 1:10:57

How good does that feel for us? It does, especially when you're being honest, like it does. It feels really good to like cause I'm really speaking all the areas that God has grown me up in, you know, and I want to just give it all like this is all him, like I would not be where I'm at today if it weren't for him. You know, like taking the time to for me. I always say thank you, god in the morning for being here and taking the time for me, you know, and like I always tell people to like cause I talk a lot about prayer and like sometimes people will ask me like but how do you do it? What do you say? And it's like I think sometimes, starting out just saying thank you, like start thanking God for everything that he's doing in your life. You know, cause he's doing something like there's always something to thank God for it.

Speaker 1: 1:11:51

Yeah so.

Speaker 2: 1:11:52

I don't know, I just I love thanking him and it keeps me grounded and close to him.

Speaker 1: 1:11:58

Yeah, I love this. This has been so uplifting for me to sit here and get to know you and hear your spirit. I just am very grateful. So thank you for sharing all of that with us. Is there anything a lasting leaving thought you'd like to say?

Speaker 2: 1:12:18

You know, I do want to share like something that happened today is pretty cool and I'm going to. This is like how amazing God is. And um, I want to tell you so I this semester took like my hardest classes since I've been in school. And um, you know the, the fear of like can I really do this? Do I belong in these classes? It always kind of creeps back around every semester. Um, because what I'm pursuing is no easy task. You know, these are really hard classes and I believed I was certain in the in the first month of school I was certain that I needed to drop my calculus two class. Like there's just no way.

Speaker 2: 1:13:04

I started researching like a different school to go to. I started like just changing the plan. Like Tiffany was like getting involved, yeah, totally dude. And I remember, you know, I went to this class. I was kind of in it, kind of not, I was still showing up because I gave God my word, I gave him, gave him my life. So I knew like I'm just going to keep going, Okay, Because I don't know what I'm quite doing, but there's no way.

Speaker 2: 1:13:33

And I just remember living in this like severe, paralyzing fear for like a month and I told God okay, God, I'm going to pray and I'm going to ask you to show me. I do this sometimes. I'll ask him to show me something and I'll and I'll pray and I'll put it in his, in his hands, and I'll wait, and and through this calculus class, I prayed and I asked him if, if you want me to stay in the class, then I'm going to need you to show me a globe. I said I need you to show me a globe and it needs to be in my face, obvious, because sometimes I'm not aware, and I'll find a way to justify it. And so I remember going to the gym after a month of doing this, and I was running on the treadmill at the gym and, all of a sudden, every TV in front of me flashed globes. What, I swear to God, on every TV was a globe with a pink backdrop. I'm not kidding.

Speaker 2: 1:14:40

And I, I was running and I probably seemed like a freak and I started screaming no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and I was crying and I thought, oh shit, now I have to stand. And so I stayed in class and I kept showing up and I kept doing everything and I and you know the professor. He, he offered all these opportunities. I took every last one of them and my grade got released today and I got a B. Oh, that's amazing.

Speaker 2: 1:15:13

So I just want to tell everyone that, like you know, God had a plan and like I could have ruined it had I dropped, you know, and like, because I all I had to do was not quit, keep going, keep showing up, keep going, and he and work really hard, because I did, and um, and he made a way, he made a way. And so I just want you guys to know out there that you know, when we really put our heart and we trust God and we're willing to do it his way, we don't give up and we keep working hard. God promises us that he will make a way, and so he did that, and that's my little nugget of hope. Yes, that's, that's great, yeah, so I'm really happy about that.

Speaker 1: 1:16:00

I love that Um, like you, um, oh gosh, what's the word Like? You're honestly seeking an answer, right? You're like, you authentically, are like really give me a real answer. And then you don't shy away from it, even when it's uncomfortable, right, because you know deep in your heart that's truth and so you're willing to go for that. And I think that's where we people get hung up, is like they kind of want the answer. But then sometimes we get it and it's like I don't know that I can do this or that doesn't feel comfortable, or that's too hard or too scary, or, you know, we come, we talk ourselves out of it and I think you know God is always present if we're willing to really go for it, you know, if we're willing to come to that. So that's a really amazing story and congratulations.

Speaker 2: 1:16:50

I was really happy. I just thought it was so cool.

Speaker 1: 1:16:54

Yeah, Um, also I'm a little jealous. I'm like I want to get in this habit of asking for signs and then having things show up for me.

Speaker 2: 1:17:03

I recommend it to you Cause it's really easy. All you have to do is pray, and it costs you nothing, and all you do is tell God the truth and you pray, and then you have to release it, though, because your mind is going to. It'll always kind of hold onto it and God will never send you the sign when you're thinking about it. He really distracts and waits till you're like over here doing whatever, and then boom, he's going to hit you with it. Yeah, and that's how he does it, and you got to just and you'll here's. Here's the tip. Take this too. This is how you know, because when you ask for the sign, it's going to show up, and you are not going to be looking at the sign, the sign is going to be looking at you energetically.

Speaker 1: 1:17:51

You will feel it. That is so interesting.

Speaker 2: 1:17:54

That's how he does it every time.

Speaker 1: 1:17:58

Yes, I love that. Ooh, that gave me goosebumps.

Speaker 2: 1:18:03

Yeah, try it out. I'd love to hear how it goes.

Speaker 1: 1:18:05

Yeah, oh well, thank you so much, Um. Is there a way that listeners could like follow you or get in touch with you if they wanted to connect to?

Speaker 2: 1:18:15

this. So I'm trying to get back on my social media. When I'm in school, I honestly like plug out, uh, but I uh. My handle is on Instagram. I'm active there at Tiffany Mozoon. Um, my handle is on Instagram. I'm active there at Tiffany Mozoon. Yeah, they can find me there. I also have a YouTube channel, so I don't again, school kills me. So I do post on there as well, but I'm on there under let's Talk With Tiff. Okay, oh, that's cute. Yeah, so you can find me on youtube as well. Um, not on facebook, but uh, those are the two channels that I try to be the most active on. If you dm me or reach out to me, I'm really good about getting back to you yeah, okay, awesome.

Speaker 1: 1:19:02

Well, thank you so much. This has been super uplifting for me and very enlightening, and I've just enjoyed every second oh good, thank you for having me.

Speaker 2: 1:19:10

Yes, okay.