How I Found My Whole Self with Rachel Jones

Have you ever felt lost in the rush of daily life, yearning for a deeper connection with yourself and the world around you? Meet Rachel Jones, an inspiring woman from Utah who has navigated life's challenges with grace and emerged stronger and more grounded. Growing up as the youngest of seven, Rachel developed a profound bond with nature, which later became her sanctuary and source of healing. Her father's battle with diabetes ignited her passion for natural remedies, veganism, and holistic wellness, shaping her journey into an empowered, independent entrepreneur.

Through Rachel's candid reflections, we uncover the transformative power of personal responsibility and the teachings of Abraham Hicks. We explore Rachel's spiritual journey, transitioning from seeking approval within the confines of a structured religious upbringing to embracing diverse perspectives and finding her own truth. Heartfelt discussions on the aftermath of divorce, the necessity of internal validation, and the practice of mindful self-care offer profound insights into living authentically. 

Rachel's story is a beautiful reminder that by returning to our natural state of being and nurturing our inner peace, we can inspire others and lead a fulfilling, intentional life.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 2:00

I'm here with the great Rachel Jones. I always feel like when I talk about Rachel, I have to put the word great in front of her, because she is so great in so many ways. I'm so inspired by her accomplishments, but mostly what I'm inspired by is just the type of person she is, the energy she holds around her, the space that she gives other people to be themselves. Rachel is a very humble and unassuming woman. She is kind, she's sweet and she opens up today in our conversation about the challenges that she's faced, what it was like for her growing up, the kind of subconscious messages that she got from her family, from her culture, about how she should live her life, and living it on other people's terms rather than her own, and how that really affected her as she grew up, how she shaped her family life and her relationships. She talks about how she really resisted the call to follow her own path for so many years and then how, even now in her mid-40s, the kind of effects that that has had and her really coming home to herself and finding peace and love and joy just within herself. She's opening up a new chapter in her life. Now she's a single, independent woman and she's also, like I said, a very successful entrepreneur. She's a mother, she's a grandmother and someone I just very genuinely admire for her warm soul.

Speaker 1: 3:23

So welcome, rachel. Thank you so much for being here. Why don't we start with talking about who you are as a person? What's your background? Tell me just you know what anyone who doesn't know you. What would you want them to know?

Speaker 3: 3:38

Honestly, I am just a hometown girl From Utah. I actually was born in California and moved here when In Utah and when I was four years old, oh, okay. So I pretty much lived here my whole life, okay, and I moved like five minutes away from when I grew up, went five minutes to my house currently, okay, and yeah, we built that house and yeah, I just had a great growing up. My, I had, I was the youngest of seven and I, I think I, I still am the same kind of girl. I kind of just played as a girl outside up in the mountains and that's kind of what I do still, okay, yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:23

Yeah, so are you really close with your siblings?

Speaker 3: 4:26

I am close with yeah, I do. I love all my family. Um, I am mostly closest to um my one sister. We do. We just have a lot of things in common, but I think all of my siblings are amazing in their own ways.

Speaker 1: 4:44

Yeah, yeah but very different from you, would you say yeah?

Speaker 3: 4:47

for sure okay, so I kind of went down this like natural healing kind of path and like at a young age and it kind of sparred from my dad getting diabetes. When I was, I think, 19, I found out he had diabetes and it freaked me out and that's when I started to date my um my husband at the time and um, we ended up just like I just got pregnant right after that, after we got married, and I went and got a job at a health food store and I was just like I am not going to eat sugar, I'm not going to eat white flour, like they'll spike your blood sugar levels, and so I just like went right into. I wanted to learn about health because I was like if, if my dad has diabetes, like I don't want to be like him. I felt like I was addicted to sugar when I was a kid and so I just went right into like okay, how can I? Like went to the extreme, like went from one end to the other really quickly was he really struggling with diabetes?

Speaker 1: 5:53

did it, like I, just scared me?

Speaker 3: 5:54

because back then I was like, what is diabetes? Like is my dad gonna die? And so I was like really scared and thought that that would be my fate if I didn't take care of myself, and so I wanted to learn. So I actually just got a job at a health food store when I was first pregnant and then ended up like learning about natural home birth and veganism and raw foods and ended up like being a raw vegan like for two and a half years when I first got pregnant, being a raw vegan like for two and a half years when I first got pregnant.

Speaker 3: 6:29

Wow, and then I had, like I had, I had gave birth to three babies, and I had a stepdaughter and I gave birth to all of them at home, in the house that I still am at right now.

Speaker 1: 6:38

Okay, so you've always, would you say always, or just like kind of, was that the starting point of your like really called in nature?

Speaker 3: 6:45

you say always, or just like kind of. Was that the starting point of your like really called in nature um I was pretty much.

Speaker 2: 6:50

Yeah, I think that was kind of what got me there.

Speaker 3: 6:51

Yeah, but my, my parents raised me having a garden and you know like I used to appreciate it, like nature and stuff. Just growing up I would just I literally lived on the mountain and just would go right up and play all day long, like get a lunch and just go up and not come home till evening. One of my friends, it was so fun.

Speaker 1: 7:16

So I guess my first like question question would be what, how would you define inner peace, and what does that look like for you? What does that mean to you? Because I think it's different for every person um.

Speaker 3: 7:28

So I would say, really, coming back to nature, our nature is to be. Peace is peaceful, like. Think about a baby coming into the world. They may be crying or whatever, but like when they're sleeping, think about how peaceful a baby looks and we all just kind of like, wow, to be that peaceful again. You know, I think it's just coming back to our who.

Speaker 3: 7:50

We are in our nature and peace is the highest level of vibration that we can reach and so if we look at the lowest is shame on the vibrational scales. Peace is what we want to obtain and so think about what it feels like to you to be at peace and be in nature, in your nature. So whenever I feel my inner peace is when I am up in the mountains, where there's no crazy stuff going on. Up in the mountains where there's no crazy stuff going on, allowing the sun to come into my eyes every single morning and just receive that sunlight into my soul and listen, taking time to just listen and be with myself, to eat foods that bring my body, physical peace, because I'm not hurting or I feel like I. It gives me that aliveness in in me and just anything that is kind of in that realm of of nature, going back to nature for me brings that inner peace and and I'm not good at it all the time.

Speaker 1: 9:03

But who I mean who. It's hard in this day and age to be outside all the time and taking the time to appreciate it, but I think it's also our breath.

Speaker 3: 9:10

Our breath is something that brings us back to our nature. Breathing out that first breath that we take when we are born, right, it's just like it's actually, it's a good communication for us. Our breath actually will teach us how we are feeling. So, if we have short, like, that means that we're not like at peace. But when we can have those big, full, deep breaths, and what that does is it brings us back to our center, it brings us back to the present moment, and so when we are at the present moment, then this is it's right now, instead of being in our heads thinking about the future, thinking about the past.

Speaker 3: 9:47

What did I do? It shouldn't I shouldn't have done that? Or, oh my gosh, like I got to do this and and it's just like allowing, like the world to affect us when we, we are actually our most powerful person. We are the creators of our world. That, and it's the thoughts that we think it, it's all of the things that we do every single day um, it is from our own minds. Like everything that happens to us is because of what we are creating in our world. Yes, so yes, that's what I would say is like, if we want a different, like peace, and we need to change our mindset, we need to come back into our breath and come back in to that peace so do you?

Speaker 1: 10:29

would you say that being present is like the key to it? Because, I mean, so many people have different opportunities, live in different parts of the world. Some people don't love nature as much as others yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 3: 10:41

what is their peace? Yeah, what is their nature? Back to nature to them, like me, it's more natural things. It's using natural products.

Speaker 1: 10:48

It's stepping away from the noise of the world.

Speaker 3: 10:51

Like for me it's getting out so I can breathe.

Speaker 3: 10:54

But I think the best practice is, when you are actually in the world and you're experiencing all the chaos that happens around us, and to not get caught up into it and to control our breath and to still bring us back to that mindset and maybe even have like a timer on your phone sometimes just to bring it back and literally you it's like I have to like put my phone down or like whatever I'm doing, and just stop and take the breath, close my eyes and come back into myself, because it just brings me back into that center, into that inner peace that I don't realize I'm actually out of.

Speaker 3: 11:33

I'm out of that balance and I think you you're in it for so long. You don't even realize it. So sometimes when people go up to cabins or up in the mountains, they're like, oh my gosh, like I haven't felt like that, so like for so long, because just the energetics of being in electronics and you know noise and buildings and fluorescent lights and you know just the chaos of kids, sounds and all of it. You know, we've all been there, we all know what that feels like. It's just, it's being conscious, it's having that conscious thought, to bring us back into our peace, back to our nature, that sense of peace within us.

Speaker 1: 12:19

Okay, love that you touched on being present because, like I was listening to something and they were talking about how the past and future don't even exist, that they're totally irrelevant, because all we ever hear is, all we ever have, is what's here right now, in this exact moment, and there is something about I think. Maybe what I'm hearing from you is that being present and like putting away the distractions really is just about like finding yourself again and being present with yourself, and then you can move on again.

Speaker 3: 12:47

But that's really hard to do and hold yeah well, and I think a lot of people you know, whether you believe in god or the universe or whatever, but the only place god or the universe is is in the present moment. Yes, god is not in the past, god's is not in the future. God is right now, and so you want to feel that. It's literally within you. You have the power to feel that like serenity within you and that presence with God in the present moment, because you can't create that in the future, but your mind can create things for the future, of what you choose to create and believe right now. Yes, and so having that mindset right now is what we will create. But if we're always in, you know the past and thinking and worrying and all that, we can never have that presence.

Speaker 1: 13:38

I it's either like regret from the past or anxiety worrying about the future not always, but a lot of times it can be like that.

Speaker 1: 13:51

My mindset about right and wrong and good and evil, and victim offender and feeling like I was at the mercy of other people's actions totally changed when I read. I was introduced to Abraham Hicks, their world and their books and it changed my whole mindset and, instead of looking at people as victim offender, all of a sudden it was like we're two co-creators and that was at the same time like so terrifying and also so liberating, because it put all the responsibility for my whole life like on my shoulders, which again is really scary because it feels like so much responsibility and it's a very daunting task. But then, at the same time, I was like this is what I've been. It's somebody else's fault. Yes, right.

Speaker 3: 14:30

It's so easy.

Speaker 1: 14:30

It's the world, it's this so much easier to sit in that headspace of. Well, they did this, so I'm just going to sit here and complain about it and feel upset and hurt and feel justified and all that.

Speaker 1: 14:41

I mean, there's a time and place to feel what you feel, but then accepting that I have the power to change and I can't let them control me is so freeing, and I've been searching for that my whole life. It's just the ability to break free of all that. So when you touched on God and universe and that just brings me back to how I met you, so I'd love to tell the listeners about that, and then I'd love to hear, like your background and how you got to that point.

Speaker 1: 15:09

So, um one, we'll talk about your business in a little bit too, but my friend who lives down the street from me, I would consider her a little woo. My friend who lives down the street from me, I would consider her a little woo. She like we're very like-minded that way. But she invited me to go to a sound bath and like a group of us who had been in a party together, I was like sure. So me and my husband and a bunch of other couples went. I had no idea what a sound bath was Like. I remember my husband being like do I need a bathing suit?

Speaker 2: 15:45

I was like remember my husband being like do I need a bathing suit? It's like I don't think so.

Speaker 1: 15:47

So I mean like I mean we just said yes to anything, because we're social and love people, and it sounded like a great idea. So we look, I look, I researched it a little bit. I think you had sent us like an article on the moon cycles or some kind of astrological thing that was happening, and I remember trying to read it and being like, like I'm pretty intelligent and I'm pretty woo minded, but I was getting a little lost, like it was just all, what is this?

Speaker 2: 16:06

yes, it was kind of brand new to me, like I've always thought it was cool, but I've never researched or been like looked into it anymore.

Speaker 1: 16:12

So, anyways, we went to that sound bath and it was just so different than what I was expecting we sat.

Speaker 1: 16:19

So Rachel has this amazing teepee that she's built on her property, and it's not just like a teepee on the grass, it's like I mean, tell me about it for a second like it's like a, like hardwood floors on the bottom, like it's dug into the earth, like you are sitting in the earth and that is really cool to feel so connected to nature that way and still be comfortable. That's that's sometimes where I get hung up with. Nature is feeling like I want to go sit out there, but I get tired of being in wet grass, or having dirt all over my clothes.

Speaker 3: 17:16

Right, it's like you're going to a clean space.

Speaker 1: 17:18

Yes, I mean semi-clean still outside, yeah, but I mean pretty clean, yeah um, and you've, I mean you have like, is it concrete all around the wall? It's just concrete. Um, like a basin, it's the blocks and then we stuccoed around it. Okay, and then you have like legit, what's the? Is it canvas?

Speaker 3: 17:36

Yeah, it's just canvas.

Speaker 1: 17:37

It's very large Very large and inside they've got. You know, the ambiance is beautiful with all your Fire pit.

Speaker 1: 17:44

Yes, the fire pit in the middle and you're all the boho like cushions and blankets and hangings, and I mean it's totally my jam, like I would go out there every day and just sit, um. But we went in there, sat in a circle, got comfortable. It was kind of like late, early winter maybe, um, and I can't remember the details really of what we talked about. But instead of just like welcoming and running your business, I felt very much like a personal welcoming and running your business. I felt very much like a personal interest from you and all of us, and there was a good group, 12 or so of us, and we really spent. I felt like I came away from a therapeutic session because we had the chance to go around the circle and talk about what we were struggling with or what we were hoping to get out of the evening. And I was just shocked at like these other people, even the men who opened up.

Speaker 1: 18:34

Yes, they opened up and told me stuff that I was like, wow, I would never have expected that from you, and I think I was just touched by the vulnerability. Yeah, there was yes and um. Don't let me get sidetracked here, but I was at a Reiki attunement class last night, was at a Reiki attunement class last night and the person, the person who was facilitating, was like it's not that we're healing people, it's that they come and all they need is to see that you give a shit about them, like that's what they need, and it's like that feeling of being totally seen that softens someone and makes you feel like you can open.

Speaker 1: 19:05

Um and so that's how I felt that night, and so when it finally got to, my turn, like I listened to everyone speak and I at the time was really struggling with my faith. Um, I'd been raised LDS and was really like going through the crux of feeling like this isn't right for me.

Speaker 1: 19:21

I don't feel God here for me. I don't feel like is there even female deity? Where do I fit in the universe? And I was really struggling with my feminine power and feeling seen at all. I felt just like so dwarfed by everything. I'd really struggling with my feminine power and feeling seen at all. I felt just like so dwarfed by everything I'd been raised with, and so I think I expressed some of that, but I was still holding back a little bit because I was struggling, like in my marriage yes.

Speaker 1: 19:45

And I was there was like things were tricky in my marriage because of all of this thing I was going through, because of all of this thing I was going through. But you I don't know if you can even remember this, but you seemed to me very intuitive and had totally picked up on the vibe. And we did a mirror exercise where you played a song and we looked in the mirror and I just bawled the whole time. You, like LDS terms would say, bore your testimony.

Speaker 1: 20:09

But, you shared your truth about feminine deity and, like your experience with you, know what we would call heavenly mother goddess what I just call now source Like to me it's all the same thing, um, and that really touched on my soul, and so, and then we did the sound bath where, where, if you don't know what a sound bath is, you sit down and actually want, don't you explain?

Speaker 3: 20:32

let's just listen to different sound tones and vibrations on crystal bowls, right or whatever.

Speaker 1: 20:39

Yeah, it can be drums or just anything sound, so bathing and sound and sound high frequency frequencies and I'm a musician, so that really spoke to me. I loved the feeling of having like feeling it in my chest. That's, it is an amazing feeling like having it go through my bones. You know um now I'm sidetracked.

Speaker 1: 20:58

So you felt that you were seen and you listened to the sound bath and, yes, and it was just such a powerful night and I think it was much less about the sound and much more about the community and and like, your facilitating presence of like. And I remember at the end coming up to you and feeling a little like, oh, and saying something like, because you looked right at me and you were like I know she's there, she's powerful, and I was like she sees me, she knows what I'm feeling, and I can't even vocalize it, but I think you could just pick up on like all my struggle and all my my hurt.

Speaker 1: 21:34

Yes, and I remember that gave me the courage to come up to you and be like could I talk to you later about this? And you were just like, yes, and then I never even did, because I didn't even need to at that point, like kind of healed what you needed it did.

Speaker 1: 21:47

it gave me the courage to be like here's this person who I totally connected with on a vibe level. I don't know her at all, I don't know anything about her life. No resonated yes, and so it was like I just needed permission that like there was another person out there like I, like I wasn't alone in this thing, I wasn't crazy, and it was like validating my feelings because I've been told for so long you need to have more faith people trying to rationalize my worries away, and I just could never get on board with what they were saying, and so that was really powerful for me. So I think my point in talking about all this was I wanted to go back to like your journey of your own spirituality, what God looks like for you, like how you've navigated any of that, like I'd love to hear about your upbringing. Um and you know we live in Utah. I don't know if that had an impact on you and your life, your marriage, any of it.

Speaker 3: 22:39

So, yeah, start tell me at all, absolutely, I'm so glad Thank you for sharing that experience, cause, um, it makes me recognize, um, you know what I do offer, you know, for people, and it it's really good to hear that feedback. So thank you for sharing that Um cause, sometimes you wonder if you're making an impact for other people, and I do want that. You know, I do want, like, why did I come here? You know, like there's a reason why I came here, that we each came here, and so we want to know that, like we are adding value to the world, just like you creating this podcast for people.

Speaker 3: 23:18

So it's like your value that you get to add.

Speaker 1: 23:20

Well, you definitely created value, Even if you were here for just that one night. For me, like one and done, you're good.

Speaker 3: 23:28

One person and done Um yeah one person and done um yeah. So, yeah, I was just raised in an LDS with an, you know, lds background and my parents were great. I was the mix, I feel like I was the youngest of seven and my parents were going through a lot of um stuff and in their lives and my whole family and I didn't really know what was going on yeah, yeah, and kind of sheltered from yeah, I just kind of like nobody was speaking about some of the things that had gone on.

Speaker 3: 24:18

Temporal things or like temporal things that in my family, um that that had happened. Early on, when I was like at two years old, something's happened with my family and I didn't know about it, which is fine. Like I, I grew up super happy and just like carefree and just like whatever, like I'm so like just literally, I was just play all day long.

Speaker 1: 24:44

You're just a free soul. Yeah, free soul, like following your heart.

Speaker 3: 24:47

Yeah, yep, and we'd go to church and it was just kind of like this is just what you do. It's not like I was necessarily taught and no fault to my parents, no fault to the church or anything like that. I don't hold any anger yeah there's no judgment towards that.

Speaker 3: 25:04

It's just what they knew and they did the best that they could, yes and so, um, it was just my experience and, uh, it was more of just like. This is you read the scriptures in the morning and you know as a family, and then you go to school and you do those things and you go to church on sunday and you take the sacrament and and you listen to what the bishop says and you follow the prophet that was what was kind of fed to us and you sing the songs in primary and and you go to the lessons and. But there was no like understanding that I was ever like really told, like my parents, like I said, were great parents, but I don't remember them like sitting down with me and really sharing what it was impactful to them about the church. There wasn't that heartfelt like testimony that ever was shared with me.

Speaker 3: 25:59

So it was just kind of like it was just default. This is just what you do, yeah, and so I, at one point, my sisters, like I, was taking the sacrament. I think it was probably like 12 years old, is what I'm guessing. When I was 12 years old, my sisters weren't taking the sacrament and, you know, I guess that meant that you weren't worthy of taking it. But I didn't even understand that and, um, I just took it was bread. So I didn't want to eat the bread. So I didn't eat the bread and didn't eat the water because, like, my sisters didn't. But my mom looked over at me and she was like Rachel, like I'm the youngest, I've got four other sisters and we're all sitting in the same pew and she's just like what? Like, why aren't you? Why aren't?

Speaker 1: 26:46

you taking it?

Speaker 3: 26:47

Not another daughter.

Speaker 1: 26:48

So, oh, my goodness, not another daughter.

Speaker 3: 26:54

So, oh my goodness, so very charged emotional response, yes, and so I was like oh, I better like yeah, because I've done something.

Speaker 1: 26:57

Yeah, what did I do something?

Speaker 3: 26:58

she's like they're not taking it because they're not worthy to take it. Oh, they've done things that have been you know not good you know, as a parent.

Speaker 3: 27:05

Now I just think yes and so then I'm like, oh, and I was like, right. Then I learned a lesson that I have to be perfect and I have to do it for somebody else. Yes, not for myself, not for God, but for the bishop to look at me, for my mom to look at me and everything. So that became kind of a program in myself. Yeah, and if I went to church, I wanted to go to church to please my mom and to make sure I showed up and it looked this specific way because I I haven't forbid I not be that for my mom. I was her only hope, I was her only hope to do that and so so, following that, like high school, if I had any sin or whatever, like I would, say right quotation marks if I had any sin or whatever, like I would sin right in quotation marks if I had any sin.

Speaker 3: 27:55

I go to the bishop and get approval for them to tell me if I was worthy, and then they would tell me that I couldn't take the sacrament. And that was like hell to me. I was like are you kidding? Like what am I gonna do? Right, what?

Speaker 3: 28:07

is my mom gonna do like how am I going to go to church and have? So then I started to develop shame, which is the lowest vibration frequency that we can experience. I already said that, and so I started to feel those feelings. And he's like you need to read this miracle of forgiveness and it's like 5,000 pages long and I'm like what the hell?

Speaker 1: 28:31

And you're like 16 or something, yeah 16 years old.

Speaker 3: 28:35

And I'm like okay, like what am I supposed to do? And then I would like go sit with my friend, with her mom, you know, because I didn't want to like offend anybody, to not take the sacrament Because you just felt so embarrassed. What if the bishop saw me take the sacrament? So I wasn't able to do that. So then, if I sat next to my mom, I'd be like late, like I didn't want to.

Speaker 1: 28:58

It was all approval.

Speaker 3: 29:00

Because, what if she was like sad, like that I was like sinning Like it brings emotion? Yeah, I can see it in you, your eyes, so it's just like so in me, to like make my mom pleased and gosh, it's like I've said this many times before. I don't know why I'm getting so emotional.

Speaker 3: 29:24

But it was a real thing for me and so it just that became who I was, and so then if I did anything I would have to hide, and so I wouldn't um, I wouldn't share anything or I, you know, I didn't want my friends to know, or whatever. So then anytime I had anything that was like not like approved by the church, then I would have to hide, and so then I would just take the sacrament or whatever, after like that, three months of not taking it or whatever is that?

Speaker 3: 29:59

yeah, like now I'm, now you're worthy because you, you know, abstained for whatever, yeah, so then I just that kind of just became that and as I became a mother and, you know, raised my kids, you know the same kind of way became that and as I became a mother and, you know, raise my kids, you know the same kind of way you just you just do what you your program to do and so did you feel like?

Speaker 1: 30:20

I know you talked about feeling like you had to do it for kind of like physical people? In your life like Bishop mom. What was what at that time like, if you can remember back, like what was your view and relationship with your version of God at that time?

Speaker 3: 30:34

No, that was not ever there wasn't one.

Speaker 3: 30:35

No, I did not understand. That is one of the things that really bothered me is that it wasn't for God, it wasn't for myself, it was to please other people. There was no understanding about who God was to please other people. There was no understanding about who God was. So later on, I started to like travel around the world through with my business and I really wanted to like I just had this like belief that you know, god is good and the church is good and we just do this right. So when I started to travel and I would have these one-on-one appointments with people in different places of the country and stuff and one time they just like I, my goal was when I went out that like it through this company, I would in my business, I would um literally help others, like see like how good like I could like change them to become like LDS.

Speaker 3: 31:39

Okay, just missionary mind yes, missionary minded and like that I could save them, because I've been saved and I've been told my whole life that this is the true church and this is what you do and this is how it is. And so then that just became, that was. I was surrounded by people in my business like that as well, and I just wanted to do good.

Speaker 1: 32:00

I just wanted to do the right thing did you feel like you were chasing like a, maybe chasing like the? No, I'm a really good daughter. Yes, for sure I a really good daughter.

Speaker 3: 32:11

Yes, for sure, I'm a really good daughter. I am the Sue Monk kid.

Speaker 1: 32:14

The author of. Have you read her stuff? She's the author of the Secret Life of Bees, that's what she's really famous for. She wrote a book called the Dance of the Dissident Daughter, and it's her personal story of her transition out of Christianity into this world of much more expansive spirituality and she talks, she calls it the patriarchal daughters of us, always trying to be prove how good we are prove. Anyways, that just reminded me of that.

Speaker 3: 32:41

That was exactly how I felt.

Speaker 1: 32:42

Cause I related to that so much.

Speaker 3: 32:43

I just needed to prove my worth would be like if I were to be able to have somebody you know change their life because of me, like going to the church or whatever. Then I would have been okay, like you're amazing, righteous faith yes, I relate to that.

Speaker 3: 32:57

So yeah, it was just interesting, because I literally had like this goal that if everybody, um, if, if I was able to see them through god's eyes, like, help me to see them through your eyes, god. Like, please help me see them through them, so I can just be total, you know, like nonjudgmental person, whatever but there was a caveat to that so I could help inspire them to see what is good for them, like to see what's true for them. Because to see what's true for them because they're fallen, people Right, this is the first time I've really ever traveled. I'm like 35. Okay, 35. Yes, I'm 47.

Speaker 1: 33:40

Okay, so at this point in your life up up till then, if we backtrack for a minute, you've been married.

Speaker 3: 33:46

I've been married. You've got three children four children four children, three and a step bonus daughter.

Speaker 1: 33:50

Okay, um, and like was your married home life very similar? Like were you and your husband aligned in all of this? Like how?

Speaker 2: 33:59

were you raising your family? Was this just what you guys did? Kind of just like the default church thing?

Speaker 3: 34:03

yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, he had fallen away before and I got him to get back into church.

Speaker 1: 34:08

Really how long had that how?

Speaker 3: 34:11

long had that been. Well, well, no, it was before. I wouldn't even marry him until he was married in the temple with me. Oh okay.

Speaker 1: 34:17

Yeah, oh, wow. Yeah, you started that trajectory early.

Speaker 3: 34:19

My goal was to have him, you know, be the patriarchal like perfect guy.

Speaker 1: 34:25

Our worthy priesthood.

Speaker 3: 34:26

His dad was like state president and bishop and all these things, and so I thought that's what he was going to be in line for and I like believed that and when he wasn't that I started to think actually less of him, which is really sad, yeah but understandable when you get raised with the expectation, which he's an amazing person, yeah, and why would I think anything less of him because of that?

Speaker 3: 34:47

but that that's a whole nother story, sure? Um, so I go there and I literally am sitting across this person and they're a transvestite, and this is like the first time I've gone out of Utah, right? So this is like 12 years ago. Yes, okay.

Speaker 1: 35:03

So we have back 12 years ago. We were like really just on the brink of embracing LGBTQ community.

Speaker 3: 35:09

So my natural judgment was like I'm fine, like, but it was just a natural judgment that just came through this religion, yeah, I feel, but not even spoken. It wasn't spoken, yes, it was just culturally or whatever right, or just not even understanding like knowing why they would be, we don't do well and not necessarily that it. It was just like they must be broken. There must be something wrong with them. Yes, but that was just a total.

Speaker 3: 35:36

If only they could feel God's light so what happened was actually one of the most profound things that has ever happened, because I really did see them through God's eyes and I saw who they were. I didn't see that they were a transvestite. Actually, they taught me. And the next person was gay, you know, and I was like same thing. I was like, wow, they're amazing, they're a better person than I am and I came thinking that I was some elite person.

Speaker 3: 36:11

It just makes me feel so sad for that girl that I even had that thought and like it wasn't even trying to be judgmental, it just was, and so, and then the next person was a couple and they're talking about morals that they had. They weren't in the church or whatever, but they were talking about their kids and it was like literally blowing me away. I was like you have like morals. Like you, you want your kids to be like good and have like positive things like, but you're not married in the temple. I don't understand how you're not like what? Where did you find this? Because, like you haven't, you haven't known what. I've known Like literally.

Speaker 3: 36:52

I literally came home from that trip trip. I was looking at the sky differently. I was like, wow, like there are good people outside the church.

Speaker 1: 37:03

Yes, yes, and it was just so sad, like I. Just, I totally understand that because I grew up with the same and no one told me that probably blatantly. But I remember thinking like well. I remember saying things like I would never, I don't, I think. One time I even said I don't really want my kids to have friends who are not LDS for fear, yeah that they would be corrupt.

Speaker 1: 37:26

yeah, and I remember my sister. My little sister told me that. I told her that this was like 15 years ago and I'm now, I'm like I said that it's just horrific to me, but but I understand the sentiment. When you grow up, it's just so fear based and really taught. We're the only ones with truth, we teach all these amazing things and it just does make you feel like we have it all. And these poor other souls?

Speaker 3: 37:52

Cause it just I don't know like. Honestly, I don't think that the lds people outside of this church, outside of utah, is the same, though, because a lot of they're like. We didn't feel that way it was like yeah, because you had all sorts of cultures and all sorts of like.

Speaker 1: 38:06

Every single friend of mine was lds yes, it does help to be out of the bubble.

Speaker 3: 38:10

Yeah, I'm like I didn't see different. So you guys have a whole different mindset and they're like. The church doesn't teach that. I'm like, I get it, but our culture, our culture, did in a in I don't know like, and I'm literally not even blaming them because it's what I chose to believe it was my truth in that time that I knew that was experience too, and I grew up in upstate New York where I was the only member in my whole high school oh well and we were.

Speaker 1: 38:37

It was, but I think a lot probably has to do with just your personality and then the family you're raised in and you know what messages are being there.

Speaker 3: 38:45

But we were just my sister's totally like. But they had a different growing up, like they knew all the stuff that was going on in my family. I didn't know until I was like 18 and so they just were, did not want to do the church thing yeah, and so I was, but, like I said, I was trying to please my mom and show up for everybody else and so I would just like literally go to church and be like, hey, it looks like this and we have these, you know we're supposed to have this look and blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3: 39:14

What the hell am I going to church for it, for a look? Or for like for God and for myself and for my higher like, yeah, guidance from you know above, you know, not for anyone else, but for me, yeah. Like, not for to make it look a certain way, or I'm learning this. And now I'm all of a sudden like aspired to some like great level because I went to church, but that's what I thought it was about. And so I started to travel around the world. So my next thing was like, wow, that was impactful, like now I want to go travel. So I made a goal for myself, for my business, to hit a goal, and I traveled to Bali. That was the first time that I went out on my own internationally traveling, and it's been, you know, a few years later.

Speaker 3: 39:59

And, um, I wanted to do something different. So I started to see a different culture and I was like, wow, like the Hindu culture is so beautiful, like they're going to the temple like twice a day and they, they love their families and do they do all these things and I just I just started to see different things and started to add that to my life. And then I like I love the labyrinth, right. So then I brought the labyrinth home to my house and I went to India once and then I brought the spiritual colors of India onto the ground of my labyrinth and the teepee.

Speaker 3: 40:32

I met a girl, you know, I just like started to bring in like all these different the things that resonated, yeah, native American and and started to just be open to other religions and philosophies and and I wanted to bring that in to my space and to help people see something different, because I knew in this area people couldn't see that. So that was kind of my intention was to help open up people's minds that everyone is a beautiful human, everyone, every culture, there's some beauty to it, and so I loved the Native American culture. My dad kind of raised me to really appreciate the Native Americans and so a teepee was just kind of like perfect for that. And so I learned shamanism and, you know, gained all the rights of the shaman. Where did you do?

Speaker 3: 41:27

that at here? Oh okay, yeah. So I had a couple of those trainings and a couple in my tp and different things, and it's like a seven month thing that you do yeah, gaining the rights, oh yeah, I'm sure it's intensive yeah, um, but it's just. It's not for me to be like I'm a shaman it was just for me to understand the culture of something different.

Speaker 3: 41:49

Yeah, so I just wanted to expand myself after that, because I'm, like my mind is so narrow-minded that I wanted to explore the world, just so I could understand people and God really.

Speaker 3: 42:01

And so one time I really wanted to understand Heavenly Mother, right, and like, why are we not talking about Heavenly Mother in our church?

Speaker 3: 42:10

And and that was kind of what I shared with you guys and I had this profound experience um, actually on a medicine journey that I had and it was like 2019, okay, and I felt this unconditional love more than I ever felt for the whole world, and it was like her and it was over the whole earth, like I literally felt this experience of love that I never felt, that I wanted to love everyone.

Speaker 3: 42:50

There was no, no judgment, there was no like, and I was like this is God's love, like, wow, this is God's love, like it was incredible, right. And I started to recognize, like, oh, if I know God and I know what she is, he is, they are what she is, he is, they are that, and I can recognize it and I have that experience of knowledge of that, then I can know myself. And if I can know myself and I can see that God, godly person, within me, then I can see that in you. And if I can see that in you, then, and if I can see that in you, then I can drop all the judgments, the criticism, the competition all of that especially in women, because I feel like women. So that became kind of a message that I wanted to share.

Speaker 3: 43:45

So I had a women's circle that I've created since then and and wanted to teach that, because I feel like we all need to understand our divinity and and that we're not just our bodies now we're so much more and we have so much more impact and purpose and we even allow ourselves to even like, let ourselves believe, right, we just get into this like cookie cutter and we just go for it and we just do the thing and we just cut. They tell us what to do when we go do that and blah, blah, blah, and then we're all of a sudden we're like holy hell, where am I at, you know? But that is that's the journey, though, like all of us, to come back and to remember, to remember, remember.

Speaker 1: 44:32

I love that remember, not even discover or find, but just remember just remember who we are.

Speaker 3: 44:37

It's it's in the remembering is is to finding our who we truly are, and not for anybody else but for ourselves, and to gain that awareness can help us to live a more peaceful life. And so we can also like not get triggered with other people, because when we're triggered, it's just because the other person's a mirror of the things that we haven't cleared from within ourselves, and so it's always just good like, oh, interesting, that's good feedback about myself and what I now need to keep on, you know peeling off the banana, you know, into our like sacred, more healing.

Speaker 3: 45:21

We have to do more work on ourselves, yeah and a lot of it does come from our childhood, things that we experience and stuff, and really it's like from our innocence. We, it's like we get to this point. We forget throughout this, like from our you know, I don't know 15 to I don't know 40, and then all of a sudden you're like, oh, this is interesting, like why am I having this come up right now and they call it a?

Speaker 1: 45:52

midlife crisis. I'm just thinking like a friend I just met said it's the midlife chrysalis.

Speaker 3: 45:58

Oh, that's neat because basically it's just like you're. You've just been in this little like you know cocoon, yeah, and now you're ready to become a butterfly yeah, because you've kind of forgotten that you really were always meant to be that butterfly. And until we can see our butterfly and we can gain the strength to be able to fly and to be able to be that beautiful because each of us are so beautiful and we each have something so beautiful to teach and share, so individually and so differently, and so our impact can be so great. And and why why wouldn't we? Why wouldn't we try to impact other people through our lives? Because then you know it can, it can wake up something within them to help them remember who they are and and and their greatness, and so seeing that in somebody else, and so that has become kind of my.

Speaker 3: 46:57

my thing is to to keep remembering that about myself and not go back into being out of presence, right, so, oh, I put it on no focus, I don't know. Um, so yeah, so that, going back to your experience, that was what I was seeing in you, okay, and I was just like, oh, she's remembering, yes, and I don't try to get somebody out of the church, I don't try to tell people it's not for them, because it can be and it can be. That is what they're aspiring for and that is beautiful, and there's so many beautiful things in the church that they teach and and so many things that, like, people do because of the service that they do and all of that.

Speaker 3: 47:48

Like, I totally have respect for a lot of things, you know, but in my experience, like that's not where I need to be right now yeah and and I look at like I left the church and I you've been invited back many times I'm like this is me trying to learn who I am and who God is in my own way, not from a cookie cutter like lesson that's taught in every Sunday school across the world. It's what? What is my truth? What am I learning? What do I need to learn and remember about my divinity? And that helps me to gain more awareness of who god is in my life and how I can lead my life in a better way every single day.

Speaker 3: 48:38

How can I serve, can ask those things like being open to you. Know what is it that feels best? I don't just go to church on sunday. Every day I can commune. I can take that time because when I go back into that inner peace, into that presence, is when I get to commune with myself, with god, with you know my higher, my higher self, and to me those three things are the same my higher self, me, god, it's to me, it's all synonymous and you have.

Speaker 3: 49:06

Everybody has to come to that place in themselves and it may just be an outside thing, but I was, I've always gone to an outside person outside this and it has caused a lot, a lot of pain and loss in my life and I'm just figuring that out and I recently have been divorced and recognized a lot of things that I did because of that.

Speaker 3: 49:33

Still, that impact of me trying to get the need for an outsider, external something, yeah, external validation authority everything love, all of it all of it and really what I'm discovering, and you can hear it, you can learn it all day long, until you actually experience it and know, oh, it's always been inside of me, it's always been. I am my greatest teacher. I am trying to impress myself, you know, like really just to remember the greatness that's within me, and not for anybody else, but for me, you know. And if that can inspire other people to do great, then great at the end of the day, like we came in this world alone. We're gonna leave it alone, you know. But in between that time, from birth to death, like what did we gain? And we get to review our life and and decide, like, did we accomplish what we set forth when we came into this body? And so I do believe that there's a temple. And we're in it.

Speaker 3: 50:42

And we literally live inside of our temple and we commune with the Holy of Holies within our heart. Yes, you know, and those are the things, and my garment is my skin that I came into. It's the garment of the Holy Priesthood that I believe. And what do I do in that body? What do I do in my mind? What do I think in my thoughts? You know?

Speaker 1: 51:01

how do I love ourselves? How?

Speaker 3: 51:03

do I love ourselves. How do we come back to that place of like commun, communing with God, like remembering, you know, to be present, and the foods that we put into it, the exercise that we have, like it just like, changes everything. Because it's like, how do we beautify our temple? How do we like it's not for other people, it's not to look a certain way, but we start from that place because that's what society wants us to believe? Yes, you know.

Speaker 1: 51:32

So it's just coming back to that place yes so yeah, oh, my little, I just got chills everywhere like listening, because I just relate to every like, literally everything you've said. So much it speaks truth, it does, and I think that's what I, why I was so drawn to you that night and just and had the courage to reach out to you and ask you to come on my podcast.

Speaker 1: 51:55

Um, yes, but I just, I like, when you were talking about, like, so you're 40, what'd you say? 47. I look, yeah, you're my husband's age, um, and three grandkids. Three grandkids, oh well gosh, they probably love you. That's awesome. Three grandkids, oh yeah, well gosh, they probably love you, that's awesome.

Speaker 3: 52:17

so you're 47 and, like, I feel like you've been on this journey for a long time, right, yeah, would you have started when you were I feel like I was like 35, yeah, okay so 12 years, that's a long time like I feel like I'm really getting in the thick of it and I've only been on my, but I was pretty much blind, like until like, just I don't know, I mean even this year, like the awakenings I've had even through my divorce, yeah, like has been profound. Do you want to talk about any of that? Um?

Speaker 1: 52:45

maybe next one, next, yeah, all right, yeah. So I was just thinking like, as I've been through my journey, I spent a long like I've never. I loved the church and I was very not like overly zealous, but I was very active and put a lot of stock in being righteous and worthy and doing the right thing, um, and then never really feel. And then, in the same breath, I never felt celestial I never felt good enough.

Speaker 1: 53:13

I never felt connected to god I like just could not grapple with this concept of an external fatherly man up in heaven like, and I think it was because I just felt so disappeared from everything.

Speaker 1: 53:25

I just was so desperately seeking like some kind of sign that as a woman I had worth as a woman. Which is a little funny now, because gender to me is like it's an art. To me it feels like a mortal thing and someday I'll kind of transcend that, but but it's still very much a part of who I am here and now. Um, and I just struggled like I always wanted someone else to validate me.

Speaker 1: 53:50

God and a lot of it was God. I wanted my external view of God to validate me and make me okay.

Speaker 1: 53:55

Make me whole and I just could never get there because it was a him and it was outside of me chasing. Yes, I was perpetually chasing and my awakening really didn't start until I met my current husband. And I was still married at the time to my previous husband and we were very LDS for a long time and that was how we met and married and but as but, he like sparked some kind of remembering in me, like, oh, I'm a really good person with a lot of power and you see something in me that some like it sparked remembering that's the best word I can come up with and as we, as I went through my journey of trying to find my truth and my voice and started really questioning things and feeling like I can't ignore this anymore.

Speaker 1: 54:38

It doesn't feel good to me, it's not resonating. I noticed that I was still trying to cling to, but I really need you to come along with me and I need you to agree with me, and I need you to understand exactly what I'm saying and be as mad as I am.

Speaker 1: 54:54

I like put all of my stock in my husband and cause he was like the poster child for all the things that were bothering me, and I've spent some time in therapy, and my therapist would just kind of like amusedly smile and be like I understand, you don't need him, like I understand. What you really need, though, is this part in yourself. And if you can find that it will not matter what anyone else thinks and says or do, you will love them and feel good, and it will be okay and.

Speaker 1: 55:22

I like believed it on a level, but then the real life moment of it was like why am I still feeling this need, this compulsive need for someone to agree with me? And I've just and I was kind of in the throes of that when I met you and that's why I was like I was still felt so strangled in my voice because I didn't want to make, I didn't want to make things too hard for my life.

Speaker 1: 55:44

Um and so, when you talk about, like remembering, and even gosh, you're 47,. You've been on this journey for 12 years and you're still having life changes. That is life right Right.

Speaker 3: 55:53

And I like because my outside perspective, I'm looking at you, thinking she has it all together she has it all figured out and I'm trying to catch up still and that's the judgments, that's the just the judgments that we have about ourselves. You know, like somebody has it above us or you know there's these levels in this world and they're just not, you're just at a different place. That it doesn't mean it's wrong or right or anything. I don't even believe in wrong or right anymore, I just believe in it. It's just like oh, it's an experience. I had experiences in my world that caused pain or didn't cause pain, you know, and so I choose to not create that pain anymore in my life, and so that is like out of alignment.

Speaker 1: 56:42

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 56:42

Right. So when you're out of alignment, then it's basically coming back into our alignment, into our truth, and it's different for every single person and you have a different timeframe. Some people are never meant to like come into that, because that wasn't their purpose, are never meant to like come into that because that wasn't their purpose. Maybe their purpose was just to love or whatever.

Speaker 3: 57:03

That wasn't to have this like spiritual awakening so it's just like that's okay, we don't have to judge somebody because I can't believe that you're still doing this. Like I've had people judge me when I was in the church and they had left and they're like I can't believe you're still doing this and I'm like this is just what.

Speaker 3: 57:18

I feel is best You're going to leave or not leave, and great. If you don't, it's perfect, that's your path and that's what I teach on. The labyrinth is just basically coming back. You know, you're literally starting from a place and you're coming into your center and everybody gets there Like there's really only one path. It's just how you choose to walk it.

Speaker 3: 57:44

Yes, I love that mm-hmm there's one path back to yourself, back to God and back to your Center, and it's just how long. If you skip, if you hug people, if you get lost, if you fall down and cry, you break your knee open. Yeah, it's just, it's just your path, and there's no wrong or right way of doing it.

Speaker 1: 58:08

It's just a way, yeah, and so everybody's gonna have a different journey along the way, and so there's, there's, it's just an experience, it's just our, our way do you feel like at this point in your life, like you've been through a recent divorce, like I know that even even great and you know amicable divorces are?

Speaker 3: 58:28

it's just hard, it's a huge life, it's just yeah, yeah, I've been.

Speaker 1: 58:31

it's hard. Do you feel like you're like? You've had a lot of new, like enlightening experiences that have helped you gain peace through this really hard transition? Yeah, are you still coming back to it?

Speaker 3: 58:45

Yeah, I mean, it's been seven months and, um, it's really me learning to be okay with my being, with myself. Yeah, yeah, like coming home and there's no one. Yes, you know, like my kids are all grown up, yes, okay, like coming back into being okay within myself. Yeah, and that has been like, it's like that. The I wouldn't say it's the final level, because I know there's always layers, but it just feels like that.

Speaker 3: 59:15

That's like oh, that's what I've been needing to do this whole time, yes, is to not get distracted and all these other things.

Speaker 3: 59:23

And I recognize that I like, from a childhood standpoint, like my dad wasn't there a lot of the time and he was working and I just was starving for his attention and and so I started to get outside validation from men and things like that, because, like I wanted my dad to tell me this and that, and then I just like that became a pattern and then it was like, oh, it went to my husband and oh, okay, he's gonna be, he's gonna fill me, he's gonna do it for me. Um, and then it was oh, he's not really able to do it for me, he can't. The capacity is just too great to like, please, all of the needs that I had emotionally or whatever. And then it was like, oh, and then I went into my kids and my kids fed me, yeah, and then, after they were grown up, they didn't need me as much. Then it was like, oh, I went to my business and then it became overwhelming and so suffocating that I, like I gained so many like people needing me because I needed people to need me oh yes and then then I was like, oh, I can't do this anymore.

Speaker 3: 1:00:28

It's like too overwhelming, I can't even like handle that. So I had to literally like felt like a drain on your energy, divorce my business, and I feel bad, but it's just like I couldn't do it because of this unhealthy pattern that I was creating for myself. And then I was like, oh, I can't, I can't do it there.

Speaker 3: 1:00:46

So then I got to go to another outside validation, another outside validation and then and it became to feed that part that was just broken within myself yeah so then I come to this place, I'm divorced, I'm recognizing, okay, like now I get to just look at what that really is, and so now I'm going back and reprogramming that little girl and in and being able to like sit with her and to not go and just transmute it into another thing.

Speaker 3: 1:01:22

You know outside of myself, and so it was. You know the church for a while, you know all of those things, and so now it's just like sitting with me and being so uncomfortable, just being in my own skin, and I think the biggest thing is thing is like being alone, but not feeling lonely, yes, and and and reaching deeper within myself to find that peace and to find that like stability. And it doesn't come from outside sources and what it looks like or whatever. It's just like. It's like real and it's raw and it's painful, yeah, and it's hard to look at. It's hard to look at yourself and to be able to love that person that's staring at you in the mirror and fully, really love her, not just be like, oh you're cute, you look cute today, right? You know like kind of like overlooking that, like, but try being alone yes, and really being alone, not jumping right into a relationship.

Speaker 3: 1:02:27

so that's what I'm working on right now. It's just like, okay, like I gotta start dating and stuff like that, but like not dating in a way, that's gonna take that away from you today, and so it's nobody's fault but my own, and so it's just coming back into that place of like awareness, just always being aware and like noticing my patterns and like reprogramming my pattern and coming back to my breath. Why am I choosing to do this? Why am I going on this? Why am I talking to this person? Am I going on this date because I'm feeling lonely? Am I, you know, like? So I just very intense self-awareness and my, yes, I have to have that mindfulness like all the time and just like I'm just going to have fun.

Speaker 3: 1:03:12

I'm not feeling that, even to the point of like going out on the hike. You know and just am I. What's my motivation? What's my? Motivation from. Am I escaping? Am I leaving my that's that part of myself that's scared to just be with myself. So it's just like I'm going in nature because I'm choosing to go in nature and I am still okay with myself. So it's, it's hard, it's tricky and you will trick yourself.

Speaker 3: 1:03:40

You are describing like I, what I feel like is every person's greatest life's purpose and work is to remember who they are and sit with it and be, okay, like, and it is the hardest thing that has ever happened, because a lot of people just go from one relationship to the next because we learn so much and I'm not saying that you can't, I can't actually be in a relationship and not learn this but I think for me I just need a minute, yeah, to like really gain that, because once I actually, I'm always whole, but once I actually recognize my wholeness, yes, that I will attract that same wholeness of that person and so doing my work is really important for me, because I do want to attract that, that type of person that has done their work as well and they also have that like awareness, and so we are these separate beings and coming together and creating a union, you know, but we're two separate humans and we're not like meeting the attachments and stuff like that.

Speaker 3: 1:04:37

So I have a tendency to have codependency and stuff like that and anxious attachment and things like that.

Speaker 1: 1:04:43

So I'm learning a lot about those things, about myself and I've, I will say, and I've noticed that like, especially in the last six months, even in my marriage, like I have felt this insatiable need to be not alone physically, like I don't need to be not alone physically, like I don't need to be like separate from the house, but more like I need space mentally and I need emotional space and I like, like I want complete independence, I want to be able to just like if I needed to leave and be on my own forever.

Speaker 3: 1:05:16

I have your kids that are taking that. That's hard. Yes.

Speaker 1: 1:05:20

And even from my marriage I've really felt like this insane the the like longer I get on this journey, the more I like I think my poor husband feels me kind of pulling away from him. But it's a very different pulling away this time around. At first I pulled away because I was going through my faith crisis and I, like could not open up to him. This time I'm like really settled on what I believe, but I'm still fine remembering who I am and I feel that need for independence and I do pull away. But I notice that when I, when I pull away and give myself time, attention, mindfulness, sit with myself, allow myself to feel whatever it is I'm feeling, without judgment and breathe through it so that I can move the energy around.

Speaker 1: 1:05:59

I come back home and I am more peaceful. I am peaceful and I am joyous and I'm excited and I am like desperately in love with him, like he has not done one thing except not push me to be here.

Speaker 3: 1:06:13

You're following your truth, yeah, and you're fulfilling your needs within yourself and I just noticed, in a healthy way, yes, and the more fulfilling your needs within yourself and I've just noticed like In a healthy way, yes, and the more independence I get, the more I have to give and the more I like generally just love my family. Yeah, to be around them. Yeah, and you need that reset sometimes. Yes, there's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 1: 1:06:32

Yes, it's just. I have to give him a lot of credit because he's given me the grace, as long as he can understand that he does.

Speaker 3: 1:06:38

And it's nothing to do with him, and if we can be in a solid enough place to actually accept that, like I was always struggling, why are you leaving? What, like? What's going on? Like are you, you know? Like that just means that you're insecure within yourself and you can't you have an unhealthy attachment.

Speaker 3: 1:06:56

Yeah, and so I'm just learning to get healthy and I just didn't realize that I was not healthy and I just need to have more compassion for that girl. That didn't understand and I just wasn't aware. And so I'm coming back into that space and trying to nurture her and to love her in different ways than I ever had before and, just like you know, in the middle of the night you wake up and you're like yeah, you're, you're alone, yeah, there's, yeah it's all on you again terrifying and liberating, and all at the same time, it's the safety piece that a masculine does create in your world, and so, like learning to create that safety within myself and then I can attract that safe masculine in my life, and that's what I'm looking for.

Speaker 3: 1:07:45

Yeah, so, eventually, but I do need to, you know, continue my work and to continue to be present to that and, to, you know, be continue to be present to my unhealthy patterns and changing them to healthy patterns.

Speaker 1: 1:08:00

Yeah, so, okay, so now I want to ask you two things. So first I want to talk about, like, what are the things that you do, like, how do you do your practically, how do you put into practice your work? And then, two, it sounds like your business has probably had a big impact on your journey and what your work is, and so I want to talk about that as well.

Speaker 3: 1:08:21

Okay, so my journey of what I do, yeah, so like what?

Speaker 1: 1:08:28

what do you like? What are the things that you do that fill your cup and help you be with yourself, Remember who you are Like. What are the things for you? I think I just explained it.

Speaker 3: 1:08:37

It's just literally. It's just literally. It's little things. Okay, I don't think there's big things that I do, like I could do, like I wake up in the morning and I do this have a rigid routine.

Speaker 1: 1:08:47

You're not like that. I'm not like that, you're just a free soul. I'm totally getting this.

Speaker 3: 1:08:50

Yes, I'm like if I do that, like I do love to wake up to the sun, I do love to get up and I love to receive the Sun, I feel like it's like my friend and it's like my constant, and so I love the Sun coming into my eyes. It's just like filling in my soul and I know that, like there's something about the power of the Sun, and without the Sun there would be no life, and so it literally brings more life into my, into my body, into my cells, as I, as I open my eyes and receive that sun, because you know, our eyes are the doorway to our soul and and so how can it fill me and create more vibration and stuff? So I love that and and just the breath, it's remembering my breath. Every single time I get out of, like into chaos, I have to come back into my breath. It's just simple things, you know, and simple things to love myself, like you know, taking a bath, you know.

Speaker 3: 1:09:51

But there's a difference between self-care and self-love, and so self-love would be like notice your healthy patterns and notice your unhealthy patterns and take breath, you know. But also, like the self-care is, like you know, doing ritual, like um, pouring some tea in the morning and with intention and to like, do it with love and like that. I like this is something I'm doing for me, it's filling my soul for me and and so like I'm putting, you know, I do like lemon and apple cider vinegar and water, hot water and some um, she legit which is like a high mineral thing, and um, I put that in water and maybe some honey if I want some sweetness or whatever, and then I go sit out in the sun.

Speaker 3: 1:10:47

So it's like very mindful, very like healing for for me right, and so it's just like that time with myself and and with the sun and my blanket, and so listen to a meditation.

Speaker 3: 1:11:00

Yeah, so simple, but it's just like, if I have that like I, I feel like I like did something beautiful for me that day, you know, and then, even like eating foods and stuff like that, like being mindful with my foods and like what I put into my food and and how I eat it. Like eating, eating it with intention and mindfulness and having gratitude as I eat it. Like eating, eating it with intention and mindfulness and having gratitude as I eat it.

Speaker 3: 1:11:21

I feel like that's my prayer yeah is is is the gratitude for my food and the hands that prepared it, the drivers that drove it, the, the people in the fields picking it, the sun, the, the rain, everything like imagining, like as you're eating that food, like how it got to the your hands and the love that they put into it because of all the love that they had in their families.

Speaker 3: 1:11:46

Like you can go through this whole thing down the rabbit, down the rabbit hole of all this stuff, and it's just like and I am so lucky, you know, so blessed, like you feel so blessed when you get to go and you take time for that, because I think we're so fast paced and we go to the fast food restaurant and we hurry and eat, like yeah, we got to go to the next appointment and stuff.

Speaker 3: 1:12:07

So like maybe making a time, you know, for you every day to have that mindfulness when you eat and to have appreciation and stuff, and and I like to have lots of colorful foods and I like to put it in a colorful bowl or a colorful cup or you know something and sitting in a specific place. That makes you feel joy and and it's beautiful and you get. It's like so I create spaces like that. Yeah, I create a space in my backyard so I can look out on my backyard and in the evening, when the sun's coming, and I put the sun to bed you know, and and I look out on my beautiful yard that I I'm inspired every day, you know, by it and I love it, you know.

Speaker 3: 1:12:50

And so creating spaces like that for yourself yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:12:54

So what I love about this is and this is kind of one of the intentions behind my podcast is that when I transitioned and left one kind of rote method of spirituality and really came into my expansive truth, for me. I listened to so many things and I read so many things and I've come across so many different gurus and I feel so overwhelmed. But, like that, that here's all the things you need to do to be spiritually awakened, and I am like if I add one more thing to my list it's one more thing.

Speaker 1: 1:13:27

I feel like I'm gonna fail out like yeah like you just have to have six things I have to check off every morning.

Speaker 3: 1:13:32

It's too hard, no and so it's a like, it's a task, it becomes a job.

Speaker 1: 1:13:38

I'm like oh my gosh, if I don't do that for two meditations a day, I'm gonna be stressed or if I don't do my five minutes of movement like I, and it's actually creates more anxiety in me. And so what I love is like what I'm getting from you and tell me if I'm wrong in this but is that you're really not focused on the thing and you're more focused on just being very aware and, yes, and intentional about what you're doing, and I love that you turn something like your morning drink or your morning meal into an experience, rather than I better quick scarf my toes down and some people are like I don't have time for that.

Speaker 3: 1:14:11

I've got 12 kids and I've got this. I love that you have this life and that what I'm like. I'm sure there's so much compassion for everybody in a different space. I've been in that space in my life.

Speaker 1: 1:14:21

Now I don't have that space, so I have time to write, but you understand, I appreciate that you know there's no judgment or like hopefully they're not, you know whatever.

Speaker 3: 1:14:30

Like you're gonna have your time in your life and I've created this, this life for me yeah and and so, and yet you know, yeah, there's, there's lots, but yeah, I mean you can be like I never exercise a day in my life because I just love to move my body. You know, and it's never been a like chore. It's chore because I've changed it from I have to go to the gym to I choose to go to the gym. It makes me feel a certain way. Or I have to go to the gym to I choose to go to the gym and it makes me feel a certain way. Or I choose to go on height because I feel like I'm taking care of this temple, this body, and so I.

Speaker 3: 1:15:07

I just I'm shifting how I view eating and foods and and structure, and you know, yeah, the what the world deems is like a successful athlete or whatever. You know, I've done all the stuff, I've done all the different stuff, but I've never done like a diet right, because I just eat to feel good. Yeah, so when you eat to feel good, not in a way of like I don't restrict things for me. If there's a cake went out to lunch yesterday and there's a cake and I ate it Because I was like that's what I'm choosing, but I don't do that every single day. I'm not putting that in front of me, but it's also like a mindset of how we perceive it, like, oh, don't eat that, and then you create like anxiety and your hormones spike and that's going to create cortisol spikes and, yes, stress and all of that. So then your body's not going to function, it's going to hold on to the fat instead of releasing it, and so I think there's there's all the all the scientific things that happen, but I don't focus on that.

Speaker 1: 1:16:17

Yeah I'm not a scientific guru, I just follow your intuition yeah, my intuition yes, that's what everyone should be doing. I always feel like it's good or not like they.

Speaker 3: 1:16:28

Just they can choose to. You know, it's just sure it works for them. Some people need that because they just haven't been trained that way. But I think you need to start with that. Yes, you have to do a regimen. Some people need that because then they won't do it Right. But because I've done it my whole life, it just is now, it's just a way of life, it's my lifestyle. Yeah, it's not a diet or a punishment. Yeah, a punishment or whatever it's just how I live.

Speaker 1: 1:17:00

Yeah, I love that. So tell me about what you do, what your business is and how that's impacted your journey.

Speaker 3: 1:17:07

So I, um I actually have a wellness business um doTERRA essential oils.

Speaker 1: 1:17:13

I've done that for 15 years and that's what got me to travel yeah oh, you had to travel with that yeah, it became.

Speaker 3: 1:17:20

Yeah, we replaced my income and totally has been an amazing business for me yeah yeah, it's been a huge blessing, especially, it creates residual income and so I get paid with, you know, because of people purchasing the products that I've shared the oils with and then they shared the oils with. It's a multi-level marketing business. It's beautiful.

Speaker 3: 1:17:40

I love the products that I've shared the oils with and that they shared the oils with. It's a multi-level marketing business and it's beautiful. I love the products. I love what it's done for people and helped people to replace their old medicine cabinets with this new natural medicine cabinet, and that's just something that I taught and now I am doing a lot of like, like I do the events in my backyard, my tp and um sound baths and and I also am a massage therapist, oh, and just do like healing type things like that.

Speaker 3: 1:18:12

Um, I I am just gonna start back being a therapist. I haven't done that for a while. Um, and I also um hold women's retreats, okay, and the last couple have been in Hawaii and it's been really beautiful and we teach feminine embodiment and just loving yourself. This is kind of what I just shared on the podcast and we just go into detail and and have different things that we do and we like like it's all about adventure and really like I hate retreats that make you like stay like you're in this beautiful place and then they like just stay in the house.

Speaker 1: 1:18:47

Yeah, you're just like in the house.

Speaker 3: 1:18:49

I'm like.

Speaker 2: 1:18:49

That doesn't seem like yeah, a retreat to me like let's go explore, let's go have fun.

Speaker 3: 1:18:55

It's just kind of like how I live my life. I want to bring that and to share it and have all the women like learn how to do that and empower them to like take advantage of like their own will that they can act like, give them permission to like live free within themselves, because I think that we have these prisons that we put place. So my business is called the free adventures, okay, and and also live true wellness, and so it's all about living true to yourself and living free and um, yeah, so that's what I'm currently doing right now and I'm just open to receive more abundance and more creation and whatever comes from. You know where I go from here with this new life that I'm living, with being fully single, and yeah and yeah, like, where is it taking me?

Speaker 3: 1:19:46

I'm gonna go to Hawaii for a month in just a little bit, that's amazing yeah like a new, whole new world, that, like my family is at this place, that I can actually do something like that, and I'm going to go over there and just do some more self. You know reflection and create some cool experiences for me. And yeah and just yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:20:08

That's kind of what I do, so so you're definitely your own boss, you get to travel and you get to meet women all the time Is it mostly women you work with. Okay. Yeah, but not exclusively because I know I've been there with men.

Speaker 3: 1:20:20

Oh yeah, in my teepee I just have events and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 1:20:23

Tell me more about the different types of events you offer there.

Speaker 3: 1:20:26

So sound bath I honestly do not advertise anything, it's mostly word of mouth. If somebody wants to come like I had a women, women's group come over, they were just college friends and they just wanted to do a sound bath and they just like I'll just kind of find out like kind of a topic that they want to talk about or whatever, just fill into the situation and yeah, like people just leave with profound experiences like you, like I don't have like a real rhythm of like certain things, so just whatever they want, just kind of follow your

Speaker 3: 1:20:53

intuition yeah, if they want to walk the medicine will or whatever it's like a prayer will. It's a native american tool that they use for honoring the earth and god and nature and everything.

Speaker 1: 1:21:06

So yeah, lots of different things I'm feeling so enlightened after just speaking to you for 77 minutes? Um, okay, so I'm gonna ask what, like? What is your takeaway from your life? Like, if you had a lasting message that you wanted listeners to hear from you, what would it be? Um, okay, yeah, go ahead and start with that.

Speaker 3: 1:21:28

Um, I would just say, um, to live life. That that is. That is why we came here. We literally came here to gain a body, to live and experience life, what it feels like in a body To experience, to feel, to have the sun shine on our face, to play with our children, to give love, to receive love, to um. Use our body to the highest capacity that it can, to expand our minds to the highest capacity, because we have a brain you know, like, what are we doing every single day that is bringing joy to our lives?

Speaker 3: 1:22:15

yeah, by living life, because when we don't live, we're dying and we're getting like smaller and smaller every day and that light begins to fade. So how can we expand that light through life? And think about the seasons and, you know, how are we bringing spring into our life, within our bodies? You know we mimic nature and so really, right now is the time, like new year's begins, right, beltane is actually today, which is the halfway point from spring till, um, till summer. Oh so it's a celebration that the pagans did, and and they it was just like when they would like release animals into, you know, the fields and all this stuff. I guess there's, there's a lot you can read about it, but May 1st is what's it called again?

Speaker 3: 1:23:11

Beltane, beltane, okay, yeah, and so, just like it's the life it's like bringing, like following that season of life, like how can we spring into things in nature and how can we see the sun in the summer and how can we, you know, start to let things die off in the fall and then go back into winter and we're, you know, like we are nature. You know like we are nature, and so like learning to live through the seasons and live through experiences and being in different seasons of our lives, like I've been a mother, you know I was. You know there's the crone in the mother and the why am I blanking the maiden? The maiden, the crone and the mother in the crone, and so like those are also like, how do we live in those spaces in our lives? Like, so I'm moving into that crone space and like, the wisdom, the wise woman, yes, which I know we've like demonized crone as an evil witch.

Speaker 1: 1:24:16

Yes, and I'm thinking oh my goodness, I can't wait to be a girl. I hope I get there someday. So it's just like what what stage are you in?

Speaker 3: 1:24:24

yeah, like learning to adapt and to love each season that we're in and I am not perfect at any of this, but this is my intention that I have is to like remember those parts that, hey, I am in this space and how can I create a new space for me? It's? It's different, like you. Like I'm going into pre-perimenopause and you know all these things are changing with my hormones and I have to start looking at things like that. And how can I take care of my body? Like how can I live differently?

Speaker 3: 1:24:55

I can't do as many things now, but I can still love myself in other ways and I can still create different things for myself, maybe surrendering to those changes rather than fighting it like aging, to not like, oh my gosh, I'm getting wrinkles. It's like, wow, I'm getting wrinkles. That means that I'm getting more wisdom, I'm gaining more light and truth into my life, you know, and not letting the world take us over and and to take away our truth and our like ability to even think for ourselves and and so just like living in all areas of our lives. That's what I'd say.

Speaker 1: 1:25:34

Wow, I love that. Okay, so my very last question would be how can people connect with you Like do you do stuff just locally? Do you work with people all?

Speaker 3: 1:25:42

over the world. I can travel. Yeah, I can travel. I just Rachel Jones Life on Instagram. Okay, rachel Jones Life. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 3: 1:25:51

Yeah, rachel Harvey Jones on Facebook. Okay, and yeah, if you want to email me, you can email me at Rachel, at Rachel Jones dot life. Okay, is that your? Do you have a website? A website? Rachel Jones dot life? Rachel Jones dot life Okay, yep, and I am not current at, like, posting things. I'm a horrible social media. I'm horrible. Like, if I have a big event, I'll post it on my website, but I do have an upcoming women's retreat in Sedona in the fall and so if anybody's interested in doing that, it's all about the fire element, oh, wow.

Speaker 3: 1:26:32

And so in Sedona yeah in the fall, and so we're going to be talking about you know all of that. And yeah, in the fall, and so we're going to be talking about you know all of that. Okay, yeah, it's going to be beautiful Adventures, hikes and women and sound baths and yoga and breath work and you know all this stuff, okay.

Speaker 1: 1:26:49

Week or weekend.

Speaker 3: 1:26:50

It will be like three or four days. Three or four days, okay. Do you know what month we're looking at? Probably September, october, okay, very.

Speaker 1: 1:26:57

We're looking at probably September, october. Okay, very neat, I love that. Yeah, it'll be really good. Yeah, well, thank you so much. This was amazing.

Speaker 3: 1:27:05

If anything, I needed to hear all this today. I'm so glad. Thanks so much. I'm so glad that you reached out to me. Yes, have a great day everybody.