Sexual Confidence, Freedom, & Power with Tia Lynn

From a small town in Utah to the stages of TEDx, Tia Lynn's journey is nothing short of inspiring. Once a corporate marketing professional, Tia is now a multi-passionate business owner dedicated to empowering women to embrace their feminine energy and sexual confidence. With personal anecdotes and transformative experiences, including her ventures into pole dancing and shadow work, Tia shares how she overcame societal and internal judgments to help women achieve self-acceptance and empowerment.

Struggling with body image and sexual shame is a challenge many women face, often magnified by religious or cultural beliefs. Tia brings these common struggles to light, offering insights into overcoming negative beliefs and reclaiming one's sexual pleasure and intimacy. Through the lens of the erotic blueprint, listeners can explore how understanding personal turn-ons and healing shame can lead to a more fulfilling intimate life. With engaging storytelling, Tia underscores that joy and connection through our bodies are not only natural but intended.

Balancing feminine empowerment with the desire for masculine connection is a theme that resonates throughout this episode. Tia delves into the transformative power of embracing one's feminine essence, shedding societal conditioning, and fostering authentic self-expression. From practical advice on overcoming triggers to personal stories about the impact of open, loving relationships, this conversation offers a roadmap to greater personal and professional fulfillment. For personalized support, listeners are encouraged to connect with Tia on Instagram at sexybizbabe. Don't miss out on this empowering journey towards sexual liberation and self-acceptance.

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Sexy Biz Babe Website: SexyBizBabe

Claim Your limited time 50% off DISCOUNT FOR Tia's Sexy Goddess Course by following this link: Sexy Goddess Course

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 2:00

Hey guys, I'm so excited to be talking today with my friend and podcast guest, tia Lynn. She is a TEDx speaker, host of the podcast Sexy Biz Babe and a women's sex and intimacy coach. She was a corporate marketing queen, turned multi-passionate six-figure business owner. She helps driven badass women break out of shame, reconnect to their feminine energy and own their sexy confidence to have mind-blowing orgasms while making money doing what they love. Sign me up. Her methods are known to increase self-confidence, income and better sex and overall, own who they are in the bedroom and boardroom.

Speaker 1: 2:37

Please make sure you stick around to the end of the episode. We have a special discount code for one of her amazing offers 50% off if you follow through this podcast, and many more things to come. Okay, tia, I immediately liked you because even before I like got to meet you in person, I'm looking at your background and you have things that say follow that dream and sparkle, and I see a sign behind your shoulder that says sex biz and I was like, yep, that's what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about sex. That's one of my favorite topics, um, but why don't you go ahead and tell me and listeners a little bit about yourself?

Speaker 2: 3:15

Awesome. Yes, my name is Tia Lynn and that is supposed to say sexy biz babe. It's my podcast and I'm a sex and intimacy coach. I am a speaker, I've been on the TEDx speaking stage and I love to help high achieving women tap into their feminine energy, reignite their sexy confidence from the inside out and have the best sex of their life and bring more pleasure to all areas of their life, whether it's their relationship, their business's, their relationship, their business and their day-to-day life.

Speaker 1: 3:47

Okay, that's like so many mic drops in one. I'm like yes, yes, yes, yes. It's all resonating very deeply with me. I grew up and had a lot of like sexual shame, some trauma. Like I grew up in a very conservative, high demand religion and sex was just either, not talk. All I heard my whole life was don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.

Speaker 1: 4:12

And then, once I was married and supposedly could do it, it was still like, uh, there were a lot of problems between me and my husband in my first marriage and it's been quite the journey for me and I'm almost 40 years old and I feel like it's just been the last decade where I'm finally kind of stepping into all of that. You just talked about my feminine power and discovering my body and not being ashamed of those parts of me, and it's been quite the journey. So this is so needed. I feel like when I was growing up and even in my twenties, I had no idea that people did this kind of thing. The internet wasn't quite as like widespread as it is now. I didn't even have like a smartphone until I'd been married for five years or something. So tell me how you got into this business and like what's your background with this and what's what's the call for you?

Speaker 2: 5:01

Yes, I love this. I have a great story. So my TEDx talk is around this and it's around how I grew up in a small town in Utah and I felt so much Wait you're from Utah too.

Speaker 1: 5:20

I'm not from Utah, but I live in Utah, and I have since I was 18. I went to BYU and then have pretty much been here the rest of my life.

Speaker 2: 5:27

Yeah, okay. Well, utah is a beautiful, lovely place to live. I grew up with great family and, I would say, morals and guidance and kind of. In smaller towns there wasn't, to be honest, there wasn't a lot of drugs and alcohol like, yes, kids will get a hold of it, but there really wasn't as much. Where I was raised, um, but I just always felt like I was too much, too bold, too sexy, too too, everything like I just didn't feel like I fit and I grew up around a lot of shame. And so, after getting into like pole dancing and pole fitness that brought up a lot of things and like seeing the women in the six inch, eight inch heels and like being around that I kind of shamed them in my head. I was catching myself shaming them Like why are they doing that? Why do they look like strippers and dancing on poles and what in the world? And this was like a decade ago, but I realized how.

Speaker 1: 6:37

So how old were you when you? How old were you when you started like pole dancing 10 years ago, 10 years or so, like after you I don't know how you are and you look really young. Yeah, I'm 34.

Speaker 2: 6:49

So I started, uh, getting into pole fitness and I just loved it. But when the girls were doing like the sexy dancing around the pole and like videoing it, I noticed that I started shaming them, like, and I was like they shouldn't do that, they shouldn't record it. That's not good, that's not respectable. But then I realized, through some shadow work and through some reflection, that I really wanted to dance around the pole and like be sexy and feminine and empowered, and it was just like, wow, okay, where's this coming from? And then I started exploring shadow work. Honestly, that's kind of what got me to do that and I mean the journey to what I do now is kind of like a longer journey. But, in short, I started doing marketing coaching and about six years ago, and through marketing coaching a lot of my testimonials were women being like you empowered me, you helped me be my true self, and I kept looking for like this purpose work of like what lights me up the most.

Speaker 2: 7:53

Everybody, a lot of my coaches were like, oh my God, I could do this every day. I don't care if I get paid for it. I was like I love marketing, but I want to get paid for it. It doesn't feel like that for me and so I kind of searched for that Like what is that spark and that light? And I kept finding it was confidence and pleasure and sexuality, and I kept diving into that and learning more and then shifted over time. I still do marketing coaching with my clients, but I love sex and intimacy and pleasure sex and intimacy and pleasure.

Speaker 1: 8:24

Okay, so explain what shadow work is.

Speaker 2: 8:26

Yes, okay. So shadow work is when you look at the light and, sorry, the dark parts of yourself, the hidden parts of yourself that are in the shadows that you may not be aware of. You look at those and you kind of see wait, what is this, what does it mean? How could I bring these shadows to the light? So an example is if you feel triggered by somebody and you can't let it go like maybe somebody is really getting on your nerves and they're being annoying or they're talking too fast or maybe they're interrupting, okay, let's just go with that one. You're like why, why am I so triggered? Why does this give me so much energy? Why does this person piss me off? And then you do some shadow work. This is a quick version of like where in my life have I been interrupting people? Where?

Speaker 2: 9:20

in my life have I been, you know, speaking too quick or steamrolling people and then like really deep, diving in that, or where am I not doing that? So sometimes it's the shadow parts of yourself are where you don't show up, like maybe you're afraid or you don't feel like you can. So you dive into those triggers because everything is a mirror, and so diving into those brings self-reflection, acceptance and knowledge, because we don't know all parts of ourself, which is wild.

Speaker 1: 9:57

Okay, so I had no idea that you'd grown up in Utah. I had moved to Utah to go to BYU when I was 18.

Speaker 1: 10:02

I met my first husband there married him when I was 19. Yeah, and I don't know that I could call specifically what I did shadow work, because I wasn't like working with someone, but the amount of unearthing I did and bringing out those parts of me that were so shamed and like not just by other people but like really by myself, because I'd internalized the message around women and women's bodies and no sex. And how dare we even make a man think about sex, how dare we even think about sex? Like it stacks right. So my view, when I finally like got old enough, I remember getting married and I wasn't even thinking about sex I like didn't even remember, wasn't even thinking about sex. I like didn't even remember we were going to have sex, like it was so far off my radar.

Speaker 1: 10:50

Um, and my first marriage was like I don't want to be disrespectful to past relationships and you know I won't go into like really big detail or anything, but basically I feel like what I can be honest about is how I felt, right, whatever happened. But just how I felt was I felt like my body was disgusting. I felt like and like parts were supposed to have, like my fluids were disgusting, which try having sex without fluids? Yeah, not not great. Um, I like hair. I couldn't have hair in my private parts. That was disgusting. I like being touched didn't seem to be something. That was like I didn't even understand how my body worked. I didn't understand what a clitoris was. I didn't even know the anatomy, like I it was.

Speaker 1: 11:39

It was a very traumatic, shameful part of me and I could not speak about it to anyone. Like I could not talk. I didn't have a single friend. I felt like I could tell not my mom, not my sister, nothing. I like I really held on to that secret and the insane shame and disconnected brought in me for like 10 years. Yeah, it was awful, yes, and I. But the thing is I think that's kind of a common story for people, women who and I know men really struggle with sexual shame too in this culture. But like, and there's varying degrees and I feel like mine was definitely much more extreme because of the type of relationship I was in, like I had repressed that for so long and I was very judgmental of others, like not outwardly, I wasn't like a mean person.

Speaker 2: 12:26

I would never have said it.

Speaker 1: 12:27

Yes, I wouldn't say anything to anyone, I would even hardly say it out loud, but in my head I was always like pinpointing, like women who didn't wear the undergarment that are, that if you were active in the religion you were supposed to and I would really that was like a big thing for me that I would notice every garment line and look to see if they were wearing it and be so like irritated and frustrated if they were not wearing them in everyday life, like up to dinner Because what we feel in our bodies it's almost so much to handle, because shame is the lowest vibration, like there's a scale of emotions and shame is the lowest vibration, like there's a scale of emotions and shame is the lowest.

Speaker 2: 13:08

So when you feel so much shame, you're going to be in a lower vibration, you're going to be feeling all these negative thoughts and feelings and then also judgments, and then it's so much to hold that you end up passing it to other people. Like it's. It's hard to hold all this negative energy and so often you know, hurt people, hurt people. It's like they just spread it out. And that's why that shadow work, that inner reflection which just let you know you can do it on your own. I started doing it on my own as well. I just looked up a video online and I did it and it brought it out and I was like whoa, this is powerful. And I was hooked. I was like wow, this is deep. And so I kept challenging myself and looking at the reflections and the mirrors and challenging my judgments. And I still do that today. But we still have them. We're human. But challenging those thoughts Are those actually mine? Where did those come from. Do I really believe that? And then like bringing those shadow parts to the light.

Speaker 1: 14:15

Yeah, it's funny because I feel like even from the get-go, as a child, my parents have funny stories about me, like never wanting to be clothed, like and like much more extreme than any other kid.

Speaker 1: 14:30

Like I hated clothes. I loved the feel of my bare skin. I loved the way I and it wasn't even like as a child, it wasn't even the way I looked, cause I wasn't even like noticing what I looked like it was just the way I felt that way. I loved fresh air on my skin. I love sunshine on my skin. I love feeling like barefoot I couldn't be bothered to put shoes on. I love the feel of grass and dirt under my feet. Um, and I carried that through as much as I could.

Speaker 1: 14:58

And then, when I got to be a teenager, modesty was hit so hard and and like very I feel like very extreme in the specific congregation that I grew up in. I know that, like, not everyone has the same experience, but where I was, and maybe at the time in that church, that's what was being like preached and focused on a lot and like people were so hyper-focused on it and it wasn't even like my parents they grew up, not LDS and I had. They had a pretty like calm view of it all, but you know they were just trying to like follow the church's teachings and it was. It was like all the lessons on the strength for the strength of youth pamphlet and all this quote standards that they laid out there and the very specific standards and rules about hemlines, and you couldn't have your shoulders or your belly or your legs.

Speaker 1: 15:45

No, two pieces, no second earrings, like there was so much and all it did was make me feel like what's wrong with my body, that I can't be comfortable with it. Like, and it wasn't even about sex for me first, it was just like something's wrong with my figure. I'm not, I'm not allowed to. I'm supposed to be covering it and somehow just me being a woman and having curves and letting anyone see that is evil and I'm somehow damaging myself and not being respectable to myself and God doesn't like that about me and I'm thinking, well, why would he make me this way?

Speaker 2: 16:19

Yeah, and it just brings so much insecurity. And also you bring that all of those fears, all those judgments, all that shame. And then you get married and you're like wait, what do I do with all this? And then you're like taught to not talk about it, you're taught to like be ashamed of all these parts of yourself.

Speaker 2: 16:37

And then how in the world are you supposed to have good sex, like what you have all of these layers of shame and judgment and fears and thoughts, and then you're supposed to be in your body and like connected and loving and filled with pleasure, and you're like, wait, what it like doesn't even compute.

Speaker 1: 16:54

Yes, and for me it was like the subconscious connection that pleasure equaled evil, right, and I didn't even know. I was thinking that it was like it felt very, very wrong for me to like ever even feel aroused. Yeah, and that is wild. Like I remember in high school this is the craziest memory, but I was watching an episode of boy meets world, which is one of the like tamest, yeah, on his shows of my childhood, and it was the episode where cory and topanga the two main characters who've been dating forever the whole series they finally get married and they like it's a very pg level show and so they don't show anything and they don't like talk about anything, except that they're really excited to get married and cory like loves to ping his butt and he like, yeah, they like make just a few references to how awesome their wedding night was.

Speaker 1: 17:45

And I remember like being I don't know 15 or something and like watching that on the TV by myself in my house and feeling my body, like responding to the thought of sex and then not understanding what I was feeling and and realizing that, oh, I'm not supposed to be feeling this and this is so disgusting that I would be aroused by something other than being like married and with my husband, even though I was 15, I didn't have, I obviously wasn't married with a husband, but it I very consciously realized in that moment like, ooh, don't feel. This, shut it down, this is so wrong. If anyone knew that I'd been feeling some kind of arousal in my body by just mentioning or watching something where people are talking about it, like so to internalize that as a young teenager in such a very innocent setting and to not be okay, just feeling a certain way. And then, yeah, try and get married to someone who also grew up in the same culture and also had struggles with shame and trauma. Like it was just like a recipe for failure. Right.

Speaker 2: 18:50

Yeah, and so many people now don't realize how it gets in your head, like how all these beliefs that you had as a child or a kid or a teenager or a younger adult they carry into the bedroom.

Speaker 2: 19:12

They are blocking you from more pleasure. They're blocking you from more depth and intimacy and levels because, like, your subconscious is still feeling those things, like it's held in your body. So, healing those parts of yourself, healing the shame, healing the judgment from the past, and doing like mindset work on this is so powerful and that's what I love to do, like that's why I coach is like really helping women love their body, love their smell, love their yoni, mirror work, really break out of those shame and those really negative beliefs and then step into their own, their own personality, their own like style, their own persona, and really understand their turn-ons, their pleasure. And there's just like God wants you to have great sex, like he gave us one thing a clitoris that has like 12,000 nerve endings, to have like an abundance of pleasure that doesn't stop, like what? So he wants us to have pleasure. And so kind of like reframing your mind and really understanding your turn-ons and like I don't know if you've ever heard of the, the erotic blueprint.

Speaker 1: 20:27

Have you? I have. Yes, I listened to a podcast where they were interviewing the authors of that.

Speaker 2: 20:31

I think I listened to a podcast where they were interviewing the authors of that. Yay, so Jaya, yes, yeah, awesome, yes, it was great. I hope. Use the erotic blueprints. Do you know which one you are?

Speaker 1: 20:41

No, I never researched it anymore, but I'd really, um, it would come back to me. But yeah, okay, I'll give you the quiz.

Speaker 2: 20:54

But yeah, it's like the five there's five love languages, but there's also like sex language, so you can understand what your partner is and what you are and maybe why they get aroused quicker or why they take more time, or what their desires and how to communicate both of them and like compromise or make sure to utilize their favorite turn ons, and it's super powerful and helpful.

Speaker 1: 21:11

Yes, I remember listening to that episode and they went through the five languages and I at the time was like, oh, this is what I am, what is it? I think it was sensual. Yeah, and sorry, my.

Speaker 2: 21:28

Energetic.

Speaker 1: 21:30

Yes, that's probably Remind me what the five are.

Speaker 2: 21:33

Yeah, yes, that's probably remind me what the five are. Yeah, so there's kinky, sensual, sexual, energetic and shapeshifter. So I'm shapeshifter, I'm all of them, I want all of them, I want them all the time I want. If I start, uh, oh, and with shapeshifters I like morph to my partner, so like whatever my partner is, I tend to do, but over time I'll be like, oh, I'm missing something. It's because I want, like, a taste of all of them. I want to do them all yeah, I okay.

Speaker 1: 22:04

So I'm thinking like at the time I was like, oh, I'm very much sensual foremost, and now even that was long enough ago that like my sex life with my current husband is incredible. He like awakened that power in me and I've just done so much healing and growing since then. Both of us have together. But, um, I've really been examining myself lately and you tell me, as the more expert here, my like biggest point of arousal and turn on is to it's like two things. It's the reaction from my partner, so the more crazy and like excited and reactionary he is to me, that's what I love. And then the second part, and then going with that, it's I love, the feeling of being so desired, like that he just can't control himself, like that's my biggest thing. And so I think I can be kink, I think I can be sexual and sensual and all the things.

Speaker 2: 23:01

Yes, that's your biggest one, so. I would say that one's more energetic. So energetic is like the teasing, the building, the tantalizing, the energy between the two of you. You're building it up, it's juicy, it's juicy, it's delicious, and you build that up through like foreplay and different you can. You could probably tap into energetic orgasms. Have you ever had energetic orgasms where it's not even with touch?

Speaker 1: 24:00

No, but it's definitely on my goal list.

Speaker 2: 24:03

Yes, yes. So like diving into those different forms and Tantra and into your body and like playing with that energy can help you get there. It's super powerful and people who love the energetic blueprint are highly capable of it.

Speaker 1: 24:20

And it's amazing. I think that would be very healing and very even more healing and more empowering for me. I find, as I get older, I have like this desperate drive to like really break all the chains of patriarchy and and gain like complete sovereignty and independence. And I don't mean that I want to like be single, I don't mean that I don't want a family or that I don't want to be so insanely connected to my spouse, but it's more like I just don't want to need them at all and I want to be able to fulfill every need in me, whether it's emotional or physical, on my own and then share that with someone, if that makes sense.

Speaker 2: 24:59

Yeah, you can fully be your own sovereign person and then also need your partner. But you can fulfill your own needs but, like, still open up and be like your partner still provides for you. Your partner still is there for you. They you know you do need them, but also you can provide for yourself. It's both. You can have both and I totally get that. I'm all about women's empowerment because you never know if your spouse dies or if something happens or you do get a divorce. Like you want to be able to be your own and take care of yourself, take care of your kids, take care of whatever you need to do. So it's so powerful and I love that.

Speaker 1: 25:40

Yeah, if we backtrack for a minute, all the shame that we were talking about. I was at a like a fun girls night the other night with some people that I generally don't like hang out with, but we were kind of all celebrating someone and so I'm friendly with these people but I'm not like really close to them or anything and we played this really raunchy game it was, I think it was cardsards Against Humanity, but like the adult version, and I was loving every second of it. I think I was. But these poor women I was with, did not?

Speaker 1: 26:12

They were like most of them it was here in my neighborhood and most of them were like they just they've been raised and very active in the more conservative LDS culture and I noticed that, like a lot of the terminology, people were like discarding cards and couldn't say it out loud. Some of them didn't even know the terms that we were using, like terms like come I know, and terms like anal beads. Wow, yeah, yeah, and that's so funny.

Speaker 1: 26:45

I know and so. But we got to this one and my cute friend she was so cute about it, she was like giggling and she's like I can't say this out loud like she wasn't particularly. She wasn't like offended, but she was obviously uncomfortable with it and I snatched the card from her and I'm like what's the card? I'll say it. Yeah, it was the word pussy.

Speaker 1: 27:05

Oh yeah, and I I was like that's our own body part, I know, yes, so I had just read this book by regina thomas howard called pussy a recommendation. Oh my gosh, that spoke eons to me. And then she points out that there's no other term in the English language that actually describes and includes all of our Parts. Yes, all of our anatomy that like vagina, doesn't include our clitoris.

Speaker 2: 27:34

That's the inside.

Speaker 1: 27:35

Yes, I was like I can't believe that we have turned this word.

Speaker 2: 27:40

Into a derogatory term. Yes, and it's so cute and it makes you smile. Like, just say it, people listening Pussy Right Okay term.

Speaker 1: 27:47

Yes, like, and it's so cute and it makes you smile, like just say it, people listening pussy. Oh right, okay. So regina talks in the book. She's like you, you can't say it without like evoking some kind of reaction and either you're like giggling or you're laughing or you're like angry and triggered um. And I remember listening to that book and saying it aloud in my head, like you just did, and it does make me smile like I can it. Yeah, but I used to be one of those people that I was so uncomfortable with myself and so disconnected from my sexuality that to even think the word felt like gross and shameful.

Speaker 1: 28:21

Yes, and I like it has been so empowering for me to take the word back and and use it like to describe myself and use it to talk to my husband when we're intimate, and like it's become now like a very special, amazing word for us and I it. It just was so interesting, like how much I've grown, yeah, so I was so grateful that I'd come so far and then also realizing like I still have more to go, like I'm still unearthing layers of myself and still being super vulnerable and still getting comfortable with, like understanding what fantasies I have and not feeling shame about them and even just being able to voice them aloud to my husband and the kind of talks we're allowed to have with each other, you know communicate with them and bring them to possible fruition, or identify what are the ones that are just fun to talk about, what are the ones that, ooh, we'd like to try?

Speaker 2: 29:16

how do we do this in a safe container? And, ooh, let's take our pleasure to the next level and get to energetic orgasms. I know I'm like.

Speaker 1: 29:25

I'm like this is my next goal. I need to work on that I want that.

Speaker 2: 29:30

I'm like, here I am, this is what I help with. I have, yeah, yes, so that's so awesome. I love that this podcast came today because, um, yeah, it's just like this is so, uh, synchronistic. Um, yeah, maybe I could share, like one of the things I'm doing today with your audience at the end, okay.

Speaker 1: 29:51

Okay, yeah, yeah. So I want to ask you then, like what was the unlock for you? Because this podcast is all about like finding your path, finding your truth, figuring out what's good for you and then being courageous enough to like actually express it. So I mean, growing up in that culture, I don't know what kind of backlash you face, but like what was kind of the point of unlock for you? That maybe you didn't change everything overnight, but was more like the catalyst?

Speaker 2: 30:16

Yeah, so honestly, how we started this podcast episode, the dancing the pole. I love pole. I am an instructor, I teach it. It's such an empowering thing. I started doing it in Utah it's at Onyx you could cut this out if you want, but it's at Onyx and Sandy. There's also other studios but I went to that one for six, like five, six years, and it's so empowering and the the community is empowering way women feel, because now I teach it you watch women walk away feeling strong and confident and powerful and it is that just.

Speaker 2: 30:56

It kind of brought me to the shadow work. It brought me to the pleasure. It brought me to like changing how I stand out and I'm always been extra. I've always been like wearing bright clothing or a little sexy clothing or you know, just being very loud and outgoing or you know extra, I'm just extra, and so really accepting those parts of myself is what has been the catalyst and it's every single day, month, year.

Speaker 2: 31:28

I still do this work, like there's more layers to it, like I keep growing and being a more authentic version of myself and that alone has changed my life, alone has changed my life. Like I have a partner that loves me, for me, I have a business that I fucking love that maybe I would have been way too afraid to go for it. I have a podcast that I talk about crazy wild topics. I am my true, authentic self and I've never felt more free, happy and filled with pleasure, like knowing that I love my pussy and my taste and my smell, and like it's just a power that you hold inside of yourself and then you don't accept less.

Speaker 1: 32:10

Yeah, okay, so don't let me forget. I want to come back to. I want to come back to masturbation, because that's such a taboo topic, but I feel very strongly about it. But before we get there, I'm just very curious. But I feel very strongly about it, but before we get there, I'm just very curious, like, what gave you the courage to even start pole dancing? Because generally, like, we think pole dancing and we think, oh, yucky strippers, like it has such a bad connotation.

Speaker 1: 32:34

And ironically, I actually messed around with pole dancing to kind of at the start of my journey and that helped me, did it? Did not in a class. I like my friend had one and we set up in her house and she like showed me and another friend some fun stuff and I remember, like being on it and feeling very like I wasn't very good at it, obviously, but for my first time it is really hard. Oh my goodness, the insane amount of strength that you have to have to do that and then do it and make it look beautiful and effortless. That's like next level. But, um, yeah, I did love the way it made me feel, even though I knew there was like an element of shame inside me for even wanting to do it. So what got you to that point that you could?

Speaker 2: 33:14

even like go for that yeah, I've always been more of a like I. On the exterior I come off very confident, I'm bold, I'm an Aries, I'm a fire sign, I just go do things. So I do have that natural tendency in me and like fuck the rules type of thing. It did hold me back, but I also have that natural inclination. So I went to a hammock aerial silks class with my friend in Orem or Ogden and then I saw the pole dancers and I remember I enjoyed the silks, it was fun. But I saw the pole dancers and I saw them coming out and doing the tricks on the pole and I was like I want to do that.

Speaker 2: 33:55

So I took the class. It was really hard, it was fun, it was challenging. I loved the environment and I was like I think I got like a class pass and started going. I was hooked and then I got it unlimited. I loved it. I just I'm that type of person. I love a challenge, I love things that are hard, I love dancing and I used to be a cheerleader, you know, dancer and gymnast. So I was like this is amazing and it's. I just love a challenge. So it was just for me and I've been doing it ever since, and I still love it.

Speaker 1: 34:27

That's amazing. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, you should check out some of my videos on Instagram.

Speaker 2: 34:34

I have lots of videos.

Speaker 1: 34:35

I am really good so yeah, I can tell and I resonate so much with what you're saying I feel like if I had started my journey much earlier, I could maybe be at your point. Level of boldness. I'm pretty bold, I've been told my whole life. You're too loud and you're too much, and I'm either too pretty or not pretty enough, or too, skinny or not skinny enough. Like someone always has a problem when I show up.

Speaker 2: 35:00

It doesn't matter what you do.

Speaker 1: 35:03

Someone will always have a problem. Yeah, um, I love high fashion. I love like I never want to be the person who fits in, I want to stand out. I love when I walk in a room and people stare at me and I can tell even when they're like criticizing me. I can tell when they're like they don't like my outfit or it's too extravagant or there's way too many ruffles or I'm way overdressed, because I'm always overdressed and I like get off of it on the reaction of that. It doesn't even bother me.

Speaker 1: 35:30

So I would really like to spend some time talking about masturbation and like even that word sounds so gross, but I think it's one of the most important and very um, it was a very impactful part of my journey in unearthing all the stuff I'd repressed and healing through the shame of it. Um, and you know, in the culture we grew up in, it is like heavily, heavily, absolutely not Um, even like down to the handbook, right, they have like from church, doc, it's like from the church, spelled out. We do not do this. Um, and I don't know if they've kind of relaxed on that a little bit as the years have gone by, but I'm still under the impression that it's a pretty big. No, pretty big, no, no Right.

Speaker 2: 36:14

Yeah, I grew up in Utah, but I I didn't grow up L LDS, but everybody was LDS around.

Speaker 1: 36:23

oh, you didn't everybody was, but I was making the assumption that you were similar.

Speaker 2: 36:28

Okay, yeah, okay, similar a lot of the same rules, a lot of the same things, but and a lot of my friends were, and so like very similar, um, but yes, it wasn't like acceptable. And I remember hearing, even as adult, like in my 20s, living in Utah women being like, oh, why would I do that to myself when I could have a guy do it? Or like why, like that's gross, like I remember, and that's only like, you know, a little over a decade ago, like what? And then women don't understand why, I don't know. I would say I always had good sex, you know, but I didn't understand the levels of capacity, of how much more pleasure there is capable until I did more deeper work and self-pleasure and really understanding the energetics of it and understanding my partner and just going deeper.

Speaker 2: 37:23

So yeah, masturbation is literally just learning your body and getting acceptance of it and learning your buttons. It's like you don't go to a different state without the GPS, trying to figure out your way, like, oh, wait, maybe we could go this way. Oh, that didn't work, it would take, like I don't know, days, months, years to get somewhere right. You're like, oh, that didn't work, let's turn around. No, it's you. Learn what you like. You learn what feels good in your body, you learn what works, what doesn't work, how to feel comfortable, how to go to new levels and then share it with your partner, and then you will have way more to explore.

Speaker 1: 38:02

Yeah, yeah, and I'm noticing that like for me, because I had so much shame around the topic. I was so uncomfortable in my own body and I remember being in that first marriage and, you know, both of us pretty unhappy with where we were that way, and I would like occasionally, like Google or come across like Cosmo magazines and kind of like, secretly, be like, oh, what does this article say? Thinking that was going to give me the answers.

Speaker 1: 38:29

Right, I mean, I remember looking at Cosmo, yeah, I know now that, like it didn't matter what tool I brought home, it was like our relationship that needed to change first and then we can work on the other stuff.

Speaker 1: 38:41

But all of the recommendations all started with masturbation and I remember like immediately reading that and shutting myself down and being like hard, no, this isn't helping, that's not for me. This is going to work because it was such a shamed and like such a hard no from my community and I like the older I got, and then it's a long story of how I kind of I ended that first marriage, have a second marriage, um, but I've thought how insane it is that we would expect someone to love sex, to love being touched, to love being pleasured and to be very comfortable with another person up in their most sacred and private parts, when they can't even be comfortable thinking about the idea of touching their own body.

Speaker 2: 39:33

Yeah, like that to me is bonkers, it's completely bonkers and it doesn't happen to the level that is possible. It just doesn't. It just doesn't. It just doesn't. Especially if you're feeling that shame on, like what you smell, like what you look like. It's in the back of your mind, it is a barrier.

Speaker 1: 39:50

Yes, yes, and even just the idea of like. If I can't expect myself to be okay with touching myself, how could I feel comfortable with another person doing it? This is my, this is my whole platform is you can't have, you can't get love from others until you love yourself first. Like you get, you attract and receive what you're giving yourself and what you're vibrating out there. And I was vibrating at such a low level, so much shame, so much heartache, that obviously I was manifesting that and other areas, but yeah, it's really.

Speaker 1: 40:26

I'm I'm like thinking about how many listeners am I going to lose?

Speaker 2: 40:30

Because I'm talking about, maybe I'll attract more.

Speaker 1: 40:33

Yep, I like right now my circle is pretty very wonderful and supportive and and but kind of tight to who's around me and I know a lot of them probably won't need to hear it the most. Yes, I definitely needed to back then and I still I feel like I still need to keep reminding myself of all these things. Yeah, so will you talk a little bit more? We're kind of coming to the end here, but I'd love to learn more, like, specifically, how you coach people Like are you and could you explain for those who don't know, like, what Tantra even means and why we use that term versus like sex coach, or do you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2: 41:13

Yeah, so Tantra is a different style. Um, sex and intimacy coach encapsulates a lot of that, like Tantra under a different type of tantra. So tantra means in Sanskrit the word tantra means woven together. So people who practice like Buddhist and Hindu meditation also practice tantric sex as a way to weave in the physical and the spiritual. So it's really just emphasizing the importance of intimacy during sexual experience. So Tantra is oneness, it's connection, touch, intimacy, breath. So, yes, I teach Tantra in my work, but it's really connecting to the other person, going deep and feeling, breathing, and not focusing on the goal of getting off or having an orgasm. It's the connection, the intimacy. So, as a sex and intimacy coach, my favorite things to work on since you know, I was raised in Utah and strolled in a lot of these areas and I'm a very alpha woman, I'm a very high achieving to do list, take action I've found it to be challenging to be in my feminine energy and I am a feminist I am.

Speaker 2: 42:41

I love women and women's empowerment, but I also love connection and intimacy and having that masculine man that takes charge, holds me, protects me. I love chivalry. I'm not like burn down the men, I'm actually. Let's be in our feminine to bring out the best in men, absolutely let's be in our feminine to bring out the best in men.

Speaker 2: 43:03

And so I have learned over the years to really get in my feminine, not just get in my head and like this is what you need to do, this is how you need to do it, and just like dictating to the men, because that like takes away their power too. And so being in my feminine, being in the flow, being in my body, dancing connection, that's where I've had the most pleasure connection, even in my business this is one of the courses I taught was pleasure to profit. It was a business course that helped you connect to your purpose, pleasure, power and increase profit. And through the years of being a business coach and first working in corporate America, I was always like do achieve tasks, but as I connected more to my feminine and my pleasure and my purpose, it's like this weird, like magic, like it's like magnetic Me being myself, me being in my feminine, my nurturing my flow.

Speaker 2: 44:06

My purpose brought me more clients Brought me more success Brought me you doing this podcast that's speaking from your heart, and you're like, ooh, I want to share. This is going to work because it's energized, the frequency, the love in it, like your purpose in it, you know. So it's just been transformational and I don't even remember the question. I feel like I went on a tangent.

Speaker 1: 44:34

Oh no, you're doing great. I'm like you're again speaking my language, like I agree 100% with everything you just said.

Speaker 2: 44:42

Like I agree 100% with everything you just said, oh yeah, so working with through sex and intimacy. A lot of the things I work on is healing that shame, doing the shadow work, bringing out those true, authentic parts of yourself into the light, into your relationships. Healing the dark side, bringing the acceptance to it, like not just keeping it in a corner, like having true love for yourself is all parts of yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses. Really stepping into the feminine energy in relationships and communication and in sex. So communicating in a way that, like adds buildup and pleasure and connection instead of dictating to your partner. Communicating in a way that feels delicious and magnetizing your partner and your, your like attraction and increasing your libido. Um, and then really diving into what holds us back in sex and intimacy.

Speaker 2: 45:46

Communication is huge Talking about those fantasies, desires, understanding your partner and then really breath, work and tapping into your body and taking it to the next level. I feel like there's so much more to go. I just keep learning and learning and learning and teaching my clients. But like you feel good, like there's so much more to go, like you would be an awesome client, like because I feel like you're already awesome. There's like even more and more levels, like the energetic orgasms, or just diving into fantasies and communication, like there's just, it's so delicious.

Speaker 1: 46:22

Yes, I feel like I'm a very I'm very open now to receive any of that and I'm tired of like repressing myself and suppressing myself and not letting that little girl in me who just loves her body and loves life and is very sensual and very connected to the earth and very connected to her divine feminine, which it's taken me so long to get there. But I feel like I'm right on the precipice of like bursting into the ether, yeah, and it's so juicy.

Speaker 2: 46:48

It's like you know, when you're in this, this other level, it's just like magnetic and juicy and like people can feel it in your, in your essence. And I've watched some coaches like I was like there's something off, like they're missing something, and then they like catapult and they're just tapped in, turned on, like magnetic and there's something about them and like people who are in like sex coaching and intimacy coaching and really like healed that shame, like they look younger, they look youthful, like it's life force. Energy gives us life, so it's just powerful and I love watching the breakthroughs and changes of my clients.

Speaker 1: 47:30

Yes, that is, I think, maybe what the most like gratifying part of running a podcast and being able to talk to people. Or even for me, before I started the podcast, I went through like a major scandal and divorce and I had an affair with the husband I'm married to now a long story, and it was like we caused a scandal in little Spanish for Utah and I couldn't hide from any of that. I just had to like muck through it and own it and I did. It did take me years to like and like, show my face around people, not be like so up all night, worried about what they thought of me and why wouldn't they talk to me anymore and what did they think really happened. And no, I needed to explain and make them understand why I was doing what I was doing. And now I'm to the point where, like, they're going to think what they're going to think and I can talk about it very casually because it's been like I've just owned up to all of it and I don't feel the shame over that anymore.

Speaker 1: 48:28

Yeah, so when I went through that, it was amazing to me the amount of people that suddenly were showing up on my life and like needed me, even though I was at such a low point I but I wasn't like low enough that I was giving into the shame. I wasn't crawling under a rock and hiding. I was like working through it and I was owning it, even though it was really hard and difficult. But I had people reaching out to me on social media that I hadn't spoken to in 20 years. I'm like who are you? I had people like in physically around me who were like clamoring to come meet me and it was all so that they could unload. And finally it was like, oh, there's this girl who's not perfect and she can hear me and see me for all the things I'm struggling with that I feel so much shame over and I can't talk to anyone about.

Speaker 1: 49:14

And I so, like you said, when you work with clients, like the amazing purpose you feel and satisfaction in watching them grow and evolve. I have felt that now for eight years, and especially as I've started the podcast and kind of broken free like out of what I felt like were chains holding me back and changed my belief system and how I dress and how I take ownership of what I feel and believe, the amount of people who again have like surfaced into my life. Needing that, needing the support. Watching someone do what they feel uncomfortable doing themselves again is so fulfilling and it like touch, touches such a heartstring in me. You know to to help people and connect with them and feel like, okay, there's other people that resonate and relate to me and see me for who I am and are okay with it. You know, because I'm pretty upfront about all the things I've done.

Speaker 2: 50:07

Yeah, no, it's so powerful. I'm so glad that you've grown and transformed and it's like changed your life, and I love it. This came at such a great time, yeah. So I don't know when this will be out, but I have a freebie that you guys can have for free instant access. It's five steps to mind blowing sex. It's an instant workshop that you can check out and then you get a offer for my sexy goddess course. So it's all about breaking out of shame, owning your sexy confidence, connecting to that feminine energy and really diving into the levels of pleasure that you are capable of, deepening that pleasure, taking it to new heights, you know, exploring the different types of your erotic blueprint, all the things taking it into mind-blowing orgasms. So check it out. And my Sexy Goddess course is a eight-week self-guided course. So you get instant access and, if I can?

Speaker 2: 51:16

I could maybe give you a separate link for 50% off if they use your link in the bio.

Speaker 1: 51:19

Yeah, sure, yeah, I'd love to offer that to them.

Speaker 2: 51:22

I would love, love, love if you guys reached out to me on Instagram at sexybizbabe. Feel free to ask me any specific questions and you can also put like sexy goddess and remind me where you came from if you want that specific link or if you have any specific questions. And I love to take on new clients and, yeah, just be of service, because I always have lots of podcast episodes to answer questions as well. So, whatever it is, feel free to reach out to me. I love to help you and I'm sexybizbabe on all the things, including my podcast, and, yeah, I loved being on this. This has been so great. It's wild that you're from Utah and this is just really synchronistic.

Speaker 1: 52:10

Yeah. So last thought, then I want to leave, cause I'll put all that information, all the links, in the show notes. What would you say to someone who is listening and feeling like, triggered by this, triggered by even, even like the offering, like even the freebie that you offer, five tips to mind blowing sex, like? What would you counsel this person, cause I think there might be a lot.

Speaker 2: 52:36

Yeah, think of going inward and doing that shadow work and looking at what is triggering me. Write it out. What is it? Okay? Write it out. Take some time, like spend three to five minutes writing it out and then ask yourself where did this come from, like, was it passed down to you? Was it religion? Was it society? Write it out and then I want you to look at is this yours? Is it yours? Did you? Do you truly believe this? That? Think about it. Do you in your soul, in your body, believe let's just use that sex is wrong, or pleasure is bad, or you're not supposed to have pleasure? Then why would God give you 12,000 nerve endings?

Speaker 2: 53:24

on a clitoris on your body, like kind of like ask yourself like, what do you feel? And then write it out, okay, and just really do some like inner work and then ask yourself, what if it isn't? Or what if I can see things differently? And like choose within yourself what you think. Don't think of anything what anybody else thinks. I want you to think about what you think, what you believe. Or if you were to start bringing those into your life, what would happen?

Speaker 1: 53:56

that is a really powerful question. If I change this, if if I let go of the shame around sex, if I let myself feel pleasure, if I change my story around what I think God thinks is okay for me or not, how would my life be different?

Speaker 2: 54:10

Yeah, what would happen? What would change? Maybe would you start connecting to your partner more, Let in more love. Would you feel less inhibited? Would you show your kids that you can be your true self and happy? What if you'd be happier Like these are just like? Show your kids that love is good. You know that connection is good. Showing that you have a loving partner and that you're intimate is actually good for your kids.

Speaker 1: 54:39

Absolutely Okay, Very powerful. I'm so glad, like that's our lasting question Cause I feel like, even for me, I'm sitting here reflecting on myself because I'm so open to all of this, but I'm like what the? I'm sitting here reflecting on myself because I'm so open to all of this, but I'm like what? The what, if, how? Was there anything negative that could come from? Me stepping into this God-given natural part of me Really really powerful. So thank you, I'm so glad we connected. Yes,