Wild Serenity: Finding Inner Peace, Your Way
From Illness & Anxiety To Full Shadow Warrior with Leigh Hamilton
Leigh, a life coach from Australia, shares his extraordinary journey from an introverted childhood and a formidable ulcerative colitis diagnosis to finding his true passion in helping others. This episode grants a rare and honest look at how Leigh navigated crippling anxiety, chronic illness, a layoff, and transformed his life and mindset.
Explore the roots of insecurity and self-doubt, even when they stem from a supportive upbringing. We delve into the impact of protective parenting and a tendency to focus on negatives, which can lead to missed opportunities and regrets. Lee's story reveals how exercise and fitness became his sanctuary, eventually guiding him to assist others through counseling and mindset work. This conversation highlights the importance of internal happiness over seeking external validation and offers insights on navigating emotional vulnerability, especially within masculine work environments.
Connect with Leigh on Facebook
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Leigh, a life coach from Australia, shares his extraordinary journey from an introverted childhood and a formidable ulcerative colitis diagnosis to finding his true passion in helping others. This episode grants a rare and honest look at how Leigh navigated crippling anxiety, chronic illness, a layoff, and transformed his life and mindset.
Explore the roots of insecurity and self-doubt, even when they stem from a supportive upbringing. We delve into the impact of protective parenting and a tendency to focus on negatives, which can lead to missed opportunities and regrets. Lee's story reveals how exercise and fitness became his sanctuary, eventually guiding him to assist others through counseling and mindset work. This conversation highlights the importance of internal happiness over seeking external validation and offers insights on navigating emotional vulnerability, especially within masculine work environments.
Connect with Leigh on Facebook
If you're loving what you're hearing, please leave a review! And better yet, share it with someone you think might benefit from listening.
Leave me your feedback with this easy google form!
I'd LOVE to hear from you and see what you're liking and not liking. Please fill out this form--it should only take a minute. Thank you!
Access Maren's FREE 3-part workshop about owning your truth, inside and out:
Watch it HERE
Join my private Facebook group to engage more intimately with me and receive exclusive content:
Join HERE
Connect with me online:
Website: www.marenswenson.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558419637560
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/findwildserenity/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@findwildserenity
Today I'm talking to the fabulous Lee. He is a life coach. He lives in Australia and we talked today all about the personal challenges he had growing up into his adulthood, how crippling they were to him and then how he managed to turn inward and move through those and completely change his life around and then ultimately bless others through his work. Okay, lee, why don't you start by telling me a little bit about who you are like maybe a brief kind of bio and why you're here with me today?
Speaker 2:All right. Well, I guess growing up I was never a confident kid, so much so that I probably would classify myself as an introvert and always just sort of stand there, part of the group but never really in, you know, looking for that attention. Grew up as someone with not a lot of self-worth so I wouldn't stand on my own two feet. I'd always sort of just go with what everyone else was doing or what seemed cool at the time, within reason. But I had. My parents were great, like there was no nothing inherently bad that ever happened growing up. That made me feel this way.
Speaker 2:High school was the same and then around I started working, had a young family and around 2011, I was 30 years old, I got colitis, ulcerative colitis, which is like a IBD, so to do with your digestive system, very similar to Crohn's for those who know about Crohn's. So pretty much what it meant was changing what I ate, changing what made me stressed, what my attention was on like, pretty much changed the way I had to live, because before that I could eat whatever I wanted, wouldn't put on weight. I was one of those kids, you know. Anything would stress me out, especially having young kids. You know kids are both the best and the worst thing in the world, especially having young kids. You know, kids are both the best and the worst thing in the world.
Speaker 1:If you've got them, you probably understand what. I'm saying, yeah, I have sex, so I get it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yeah, and it probably because I never learned. Because I was a quiet kid, communication was never big for who I was, so when I was going through that I didn't know how to communicate that to my partner at the time. So I internalized a lot of it, which again is not good for the colitis and not good for the world around me. So from that we probably we broke up through that time and I pretty much withdrew from the world. I'd go to work, I'd come home and that would be my life. And then, you know, I'd have my son the weekends I was meant to have him. He'd go back to his mum's, I'd go back to work and that was the cycle I'd live. And I have roller shutters on my house and it got that bad that I wouldn't even open up the shutters to let the outside world in.
Speaker 2:So, that was probably my darkest time and just, yeah, that was the only thing that really kept me going. Not that I ever thought about taking my own life, but the only thing that sort of pushed me through was that I had my son there. He was I think he was in kindergarten, so he was about six here in Australia when they start kindergarten Was not wanting to not be there for him, I wanted to be there for him, so that was what kept me going and just kept me pushing through.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then from that, if I'm to be completely honest, it affected how I worked. So I worked in the mines. I was an electrician in the mines, wow, which was a great job, great pay, great roster. I'd work five days, I'd have five days off. So you know, 12 hour days, 13 hour days, long days, but you know you get five days off. So you know, to the outside world, I had a great job, young family, had a home.
Speaker 2:But internally I felt miserable and you, you know it didn't make sense to me at the time because I was like everyone's telling me I should be, I should be happy, I've got all these things. That tells us, you know, that the outside world tells us this is what happiness is. But I wasn't feeling that. Um, and then, because of that and a few other things along the way, with my health not being able to find up to work, not being fully present in my job, because I was always worried about how my stomach felt, I was made redundant during the COVID period and that was probably a light bulb moment for me to say well, you know, your physical health and your mental health is is really bad at the moment from where you've been, so you can go back to that.
Speaker 2:You know the good money and your mental health is is really bad at the moment from where you've been. So you can go back to that. You know the good money, the good work and all that, but be unhealthy. Or you can look inside what is it you want to do, what sets that soul on fire? And you can try and forge your way down that path. Um so, from there I became a PT and my health slowly started to get better did you have to go back to school for that?
Speaker 2:well, I actually did um a correspondence course back in 2016 when I was still at the mines, because I knew part of me knew that wasn't right for me, but I had the safety net of being in the in that job. So I did that via correspondence and then just sat on it because I didn't have the confidence again in myself to start going out and do that with people. So I stuck with what I knew instead of you know, expanding my possibility of what I could do so can I?
Speaker 1:can I interrupt for a second? I'm can. Let's go back. I'm so curious. What was your childhood like? What? Why do you think you struggled with feeling kind of insecure and, you know, sticking kind of shell, sidelining yourself. What, what do you? What was that for you?
Speaker 2:you know, I I think about that a lot. Um, and I still don't really can't really pinpoint, because my parents were together till I was 16. Um, dad worked, mom stayed at home with me. I've got one sister um, she'd take us to school, pick us up, she'd be involved with the canteen. Um the pnc, like the school committees. I played soccer on the weekends. My dad coached, my mom was part of the committee there. Um, we'd play sport in the backyard with dad, go for bushwalks, like so my family life. And at school it was a very small school. So the same 30 kids in kindergarten in my year or year one by the time I got there were the same kids all the way through to year six wow so we all knew each other.
Speaker 2:Um, you couldn't really, you know, it was just one core group of boys that we hung together all the way through. Um, so, whether or not it was just, yeah, it's. That's where I struggle, because people say, a lot of people say something's happened. And I don't have a bad memory from my childhood yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't even remember getting in trouble that often. I remember being, you know, disciplined once my dad, and that was because I broke one of mum's ornaments and it was warranted because she told us not to yeah. That's it. That's the only time I remember really being disciplined, you know, as a child, and I think I was about nine or ten at that age.
Speaker 1:Maybe this was just the lesson you wanted to learn in this life and overcome that.
Speaker 2:You know, and I think it's very much what we put our focus on. You know, and I think I just wasn't taught how to focus on the positives in life not that they, not that I was taught to focus on the negative but kind of default is. We look at the bad and what we're not doing right and then if you keep doing that, you find more and more of it. So I kind of feel that's just through default. I've always focused on one thing, for whatever reason at start and it's just sort of built from there. You know whether it's because my parents were trying to be protective, so they'd always say don't touch this, don't do that, don't go over there, and that may have contributed to that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you kind of internalized like this low risk factor maybe. Yeah, yes, kind of a safety took the job that was good, but not totally what you wanted to do, because it felt too uncomfortable to try that thing. Okay, interesting yeah.
Speaker 2:And now that you say that that's very much up until recently, how I've lived my life is always cautiously, not wanting to take too much of a risk for the fear of either judgment, the fear of failure. You know all of that not being good enough, all of those things certainly. How, yeah, how I spent most of my life that's so.
Speaker 1:It's so crippling too, to feel that way that fear and have it hold you back from what you know is your true purpose.
Speaker 2:So hard because then it creates more, you know, more of those negative thoughts. Well, why didn't I do that? You know, you think a couple years later down the track, what if I had done this? Where would I be now if I had have done? You know, if I had have taken that other job that I wanted to do?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:What if I had have gone up and spoken to that person that I had a crush on? Or what if I had have you know what if, what? If, what, if Right, it doesn't change, right?
Speaker 1:So now you're stuck with, still feeling the fear, but you're also resentment, also resentful of not falling through.
Speaker 2:And it just feels I feel bad. Yeah, I felt bad because I didn't take that chance that I probably should have. And then you think, well, where else have I done that? Oh look, here's another time that I've done that. Oh, there's another one, here's another one. And then kept me feeling in that loop of feeling not good enough. Yeah, because I didn't stand up and do what I wanted. It didn't trigger me initially to say, well, do it, then Next time you get this opportunity. Stand up and do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so was the like occupation. You chose a big part of this story, like had you always wanted to go and be a PT and just didn't do it for a long time.
Speaker 2:I've actually transformed again, so the gym and exercise helped me keep going as well. Through everything it was sort of apart from my son. It was another constant that I had control of.
Speaker 1:Exercise was.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I've got a thing at home set up where I can just my own space. I can go over there and disappear for an hour or whatever and just have that alone time. So that was another constant. I had that made me. You know, I'm not sure if you exercise or not, but you always you feel better afterwards. Doesn't matter if it's bad work, you know you feel better. You might not want to do it, but it's always good once you walk away from it. So I had that as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I felt comfortable exercising. I'm 42. So what was I 39 when I was made redundant. So I'd been in and around exercise for a long time playing sports, since I was seven, eight years old. I was quite comfortable in that arena so I thought, well, I'll do that. You know again the easy road. You know I'll do this as a PT and do that. I really wanted to get into counseling and helping people with their, with their mindset and looking within. The same way, I have to be happy because the external world doesn't give you that. It's the way you look at the world.
Speaker 1:What was it then? Like I know your story's not finished because we haven't gotten to the end. You know the near but there's no end, but we haven't caught up yet to present moment with you. So, but like going back, cause I've so. I've been through divorce as well and I know the feeling of barely functioning and having just your kids be the one to pull you out of bed every day, and that that can be. It's so hard, and so how many years did you have to like, how many years were you kind of in that space until you finally found the courage to go and start moving things along for you?
Speaker 2:Honestly probably so. It was 2011. I was diagnosed with colitis Not long after that, probably a year or two after that, I split with my partner, or partner at the time.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2:Probably wasn't really until I was made redundant. So I did a lot of work through books and YouTube, tried counselling. It didn't work for me or the people Sorry, I won't say counselling. I'll restate that the people that I met to help me and the counsellors weren't the right fit for me. I'll say so. I did everything through YouTube books, podcasts, all of that type of thing, but nothing. I lived my life at work. I had my son at work. I had my son for probably close to eight or nine, maybe 10 years of just doing that. There would be nothing else.
Speaker 1:Wow, eight or nine, maybe 10 years of just doing that. There would be nothing else. Wow, that is a really long time to live robotically like that. Can you clarify what you mean by the term redundant?
Speaker 2:So what happens over here in Australia is if they no longer have a need for that position, or like in the middle of COVID, because everything you know, we built haul trucks, mining trucks and excavators to dig out coal. So mine sites weren't buying the equipment, they weren't needing the workers there anymore, so they had to reduce their workforce, lower the numbers, so their business was still viable. So unfortunately they they had 15 people that they had to let go of. You know, 15 people had to go. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't directly personal at me. Um, I just happened to be one of them. Um, and obviously, looking back now, I didn't feel it at the time I was quite devastated because I'd been there 15 years yeah um, it was my illness and how I let that control who I was and what I did.
Speaker 2:You know, from their perspective, you know it was quite easy for me to have a sickie because I was feeling. Because I was feeling sick, you know in pain and what company really wants to employ or have someone employed like that. So I understand that now, looking back that you know sure they had every reason to have me as one of the 15 to let go yeah, but still so scary in that moment, especially when you're already struggling with your health and all the other things on top of that it's awful, awful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was probably two weeks. I remember two weeks that I just didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know how to act or react, and it was probably at that time that I was like well, you've got a choice. You know, I can either hold on to this and get nowhere, like I have for the last, however many years 10 years or, you know, I've been presented an opportunity not the best way to be presented an opportunity, but it's an opportunity right, right, it's your wake-up call, I guess yeah, picking the pants to say, come on, you've been thinking about this for so long now.
Speaker 2:Um, and yeah, I decided to. Well, let's step away from what I knew into a way of helping people, which is where my passion lies helping others, um, realize their potential, and the safer route at that time was the PT. But it also gave me the courage to work one-on-one with people and see, yeah, I'm doing that. So that was the other thing that came from that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, kind of a pretty good stepping stone that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and some PTs, especially because I wasn't in a gym, I was mobile go around to different people's houses or in the park, wherever they wanted to train. When it was just the two of you they would. A lot of people would open up anyway and, yeah, probably like a hairdresser. You know you'd spill everything out to the hairdresser I've been a hairdresser too, actually.
Speaker 1:So, yes, I understand.
Speaker 2:Yeah so yeah, so I ended up being a counselor in some ways as well, you know in some sessions.
Speaker 2:I remember one session I was doing group classes and only one lady turned up this morning because it was cold and she just wasn't in the right mind frame to train. So we went for a walk, got a coffee and she opened up. She just needed a chat and that's what we did. So it was very much, you know, showing me that I you, you know was capable. I just had to look for those signs of proving it to myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really neat, so, um, okay. So, going back, like I know part of what we connected over, um, I screenshotted you, like one of your posts on Facebook, I think and I was touched by like your very high level of accountability that you take for your happiness and your story, um, and you said, like you were in that space for eight plus years and you were constantly working on yourself, trying to find solutions. So what, like during that time, during that time, can you pinpoint like the catalyst or like the like the beginning of the unlock for you, of how you were able to kind of finally pull yourself out of that? Like what moments stand out, or memories or or things you read, or people you met or like. Can you shed some light on that?
Speaker 2:A big thing was not wanting my son to endure what I'd gone through.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, if I can't get myself out of it, how can I teach him a way out? So that's probably what pushed me to keep looking for things. I mean all the people like Tony Robbins, bob Proctor, earl Nightingale, you know, napoleon Hill I think his name is Think and Grow Rich all those people YouTube clips. You know, because I think it was 2018, there was two months. My anxiety was through the roof. I couldn't even get out of the house to work. I'd wake up, get showered, get dressed and then I'd just drop to the floor shaking and I couldn't bring myself to leave the house, and that was probably for a month or two that I couldn't Again.
Speaker 2:The shutters stayed dry and, to the company's credit, occasionally they would send two people around to check on me to see if I was okay, but which is great. But I didn't feel comfortable to open up to them. You know, probably out of embarrassment, I guess, that I was in this position. Yeah, so they did the right thing on their behalf, so I'll give them credit there. The thing was, I wasn't ready to you know or restricted on who I was going to open up to. Yeah, so I internalised it and yeah, just anything I could find on YouTube about anxiety or probably more confidence. You know being confident and that's where I didn't search for accountability. It was just something that came, came along. You know youtube shows you the live videos and just hearing that it clicked with me. It resonated that. You know it's, it's my life, you know it's my thoughts, it's my emotions, you know it's my actions. I choose to do something or don't choose to do something, like it's all, like that resonated with me and you know it was a way to take control again.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it started in all of that, but still being in the job that I was in, I was still a little bit scared to let that come all the way through, because the minds there like being around mechanics, electricians, you know, drivers it can be a very masculine type atmosphere, which isn't a bad thing. I got along with everyone, great, don't get me wrong.
Speaker 2:But delving into this side of things, it's probably. You know it's still not widely accepted. Not a lot of people do it yet. You know it's still even to this day. It's all. We rather look to the outside world as to why I'm this way. You know and sometimes events do affect us, but then we have a choice of what do we do next you know, and that's that was so.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my choice was you know how do I be better? You know that. And the other, yeah, my choice was you know how do I be better, you know that. And the other saying was that resonated was 1% better every day, and I might not live up to that, but I try and get better over time. You know it might not be every day, but you know, every week I'm trying to be to learn something new, or just, you know, hold true to what I want to be, the person I want to become. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I just was struck by when you were talking about, like that kind of masculine environment and the discomfort that people, but particularly males in general, seem to have around expressing feeling and vulnerability and emotion. And I, I as a woman, as a feminist, as someone who's kind of like, like, really have to buck against that kind of patriarchal system. I, because that's my world, I see so much of the harm that that that does to women. But at least women it's like expected that they're emotional and expected that they want to gab about what's going on. And I, I, I, I just like I've known this.
Speaker 1:But I think I feel compassion, especially in this moment, for the difficult place that puts you and other men, especially in that type of work environment. When that's what you're surrounded by all the time, it's not very conducive to being able to open up and feel very close and connected and share like that's really difficult love that, like you recognize that and I don't know if being a parent and and wanting something different for your son was another clue for you to be like this is not okay. I really need space for myself and my heart to open up here. But I, I'm just feeling really strongly right now like. That's really difficult and I don't want that for my sons. I hate that for them. I don't want to tell them just suck it up, stop crying like.
Speaker 2:I just wanted to let them cry, it's okay yeah, and and that's that's the hardest thing, because that was definitely my upbringing was you know she'll be right, keep going you know yeah which for back then that was. You know I don't see that as being a bad thing. You know we're at a different level of awareness now that we can see it's not the most ideal way to go about it, but back then parents didn't know any better. We're not taught how to be a parent, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's very typical.
Speaker 2:You know now that you're pregnant or you've got a kid coming in nine months, this is what you need, yeah it. Or you've got a kid coming in nine months, this is what you need, yeah, yeah, it doesn't happen, it's just we. We, all we have is what our parents did, and we either want to be like them or we don't. Yeah, so it's. You know, you do the best you can. No one, or most people, don't want to hurt their kids, don't raise of course not, you know yeah beautiful children.
Speaker 1:So we just do what we think is best in that moment yeah, it's reminding me I am as so this is my second marriage and my husband had three kids from his first marriage and I had two from mine, and then we've we have a little one together, a little three-year-old right now, and so we've gotten to like be parents separately and now raise one together, and I noticed that we're still learning like he's our sixth one collectively. So we're like he's, we're really going to get it right this time and I, like my husband's, almost 50 years old and we're still like I see things pop up on social media. I'm like, oh, we should be better at that. Like he's our sixth one. We should have this figured out by now.
Speaker 1:But one thing that we try to work on and this is what's reminding me of it is like when he gets hurt or he's upset about something, and like the tendency and the kind of the default because of how we've been raised, is to pick him up and say you're okay, you're okay, and and he's not okay, like he's crying and telling me I'm not okay, I'm actually hurt and I'm actually upset and some.
Speaker 1:I saw a social media post about this where they pointed out like the message that we're in unintentionally and subconsciously sending to them when we say that is, you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling and it's not okay to express it. And I can't even hear you when you say it because you're you're telling me you're not okay and I'm telling you you're okay and I am like I know that's not what we're actually doing. But I've noticed with my son, especially when he's crying and upset, instead of me arguing with him about it or telling him why he doesn't need to be upset because he didn't get the toy he wanted or didn't get to sit where he wanted, like such silly things I just say like I'm so sorry, I totally understand why that's upsetting to you and and that's it like I don't even argue with him over it. And then I notice that the second, I validate his feelings and give him the space for it. It like deflates the anger and then we can move on. That makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yep, yep yeah, it does. It's, um, the way you just pointed out makes a lot more sense. Like your example there, um, because I think sometimes, as kids too, like we can fall over and bump ourselves and nothing's really wrong, but we're upset, yeah, and especially when we're younger. So I think sometimes saying to kids, look, you're okay, you know this it's, you don't need to be upset in this moment, let's be okay and move on. So next time you pick yourself up and keep going. So, while I do agree with what you're saying in a lot of circumstances, I think there is some circumstances that we need to teach our kids to. You know, this isn't a moment you need to be upset. This is a moment you are okay that you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off. You know this isn't a moment you need to be upset. You know this is a moment you are okay that you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, you know, and keep going yeah, I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm kind of giggling about this because this is totally the same conversation I've had with my husband about the same thing and he would. Very much is in line with you. Um, I there's always like to find that balance.
Speaker 2:Isn't it of?
Speaker 2:I was just gonna say that there's situations where kids are you know, they're really scared and shocked, or or whatever it might be, and explaining to them, sitting down, validating them, like you just said, and helping them work through it, um, but what we've got to realize too, I think that we lose is kids don't have the same awareness that we do. So trying to understand to a even a six-year-old, eight-year-old, from our level of awareness to an eight-year-old, they're not going to get that. Yeah, because they see it from such a limited view, because they haven't seen the world like we have yeah we've got to take that into account too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, we've kind of sidetracked here, so I'm trying to think, no, it's my fault, I got up on the weeds there for a minute, well, okay, so we were talking about oh, I, okay. I remember now I was asking you about how much, how difficult that was for you to feel like not a circle of support, emotionally that way.
Speaker 2:So this is when I was in the middle of it. Yeah, Internally I thought I had no one around me. But, reality was I was embarrassed and I didn't want to open up to anyone. So all of my family were there for me. I had friends here that were willing to be there for me if I had wanted to reach out yeah right.
Speaker 2:So there was people there. When, as I look back now I can see that I had people there, I just wasn't. Like I said, I was embarrassed by what I was going through. I didn't want to share, I didn't want to let people know what I was dealing with internally, so I'd put on a front to the external world and hide it.
Speaker 1:Friends, if you are liking what you're listening to, please help a girl out and leave a review, wherever it is that you listen to your podcast. It would mean the world to me and it's free and should only take a few minutes of your time. I also would love to have feedback If there are questions you have for me or topics you want me to cover, or details you want from my personal life that I'm not sharing just yet because I probably will, but if you want more, please email me, comment on my Instagram, dm me on Instagram or Facebook, text me. I'd love to hear from you and I would love to address anything you want me to. Yeah, so what was the unlock for you there, then? What made you kind of start getting comfortable with opening up?
Speaker 2:Well, I didn't really. I just kept working on myself and just kept battling through, which is probably why it took me a lot longer, um, because I just kept trying to. You know, through books and cause, not everything that you read resonates with you and not everything you see on YouTube resonates, you know, you might watch 10 videos to find one thing, or they say the same thing over and over again, so it's just reinforcing one point. So it's. It was difficult and I had in my head too, because of those two counsellors that I had sat down with and I didn't resonate with, two counsellors that I had sat down with and I didn't resonate with, and that gave me my opinion of what counselling was and I didn't want to try it again for a long time, I think until 18 months ago, when I was just happening to be doing a mental health first aid course and the lady that was running that was a psychologist. It was a two-day course. We got talking, um, and I connected with her and then I started seeing her as a client, um, for probably 12 months. It just sort of helped me with that final step in my journey of recognizing what I do with other people, because for so long I wouldn't do that.
Speaker 2:So I think I was ready to have someone help me, which is why she came along, whereas before for so long I told myself you know, they're just reading out of a textbook, they don't understand my point of view, they're just telling me what the textbook says and that didn't resonate with me. So in my head that's what all counsellors were, so I wasn't prepared to go back. I just thought I'll just struggle on my own and just keep you know, keep social media posts that are put up like quotes, anything that sort of resonate. I would look a bit further into and just, yeah, over time, you know, probably the law of manifestation, probably, while I don't fully understand it, some of the things that you learn in that you know about being mindful and coming back to the present, um, focusing inwards sort of helped me refocus where my attention was going and, you know, learning to take control of my thoughts rather than them control me yeah, um, I'm a.
Speaker 1:Me and my husband are both very big believers of the law of attraction, law of manifestation it's probably synonymous there um, so this is all like. You're speaking my language here um, and that was, that's what was made our lives like. We did a total 180 and we have really great lives now, um, um. But we'd come from really dark places as well, both through our previous divorces, and then we made a lot of changes that were so necessary and so helpful for us because of just the mindset shift. But, um, when so you had done your personal training, certification while you were still working, um, but then you were laid off from your job and then so we're at kind of this crux where you have no job and you're dealing with your anxiety, and let's take me back there now and go ahead so I guess one of the bonuses of being made redundant is you get a little bit of a payout, so they pay
Speaker 2:because they're telling you that your job is now no longer exists, so that you're being fired, your job is no longer there. So I had a little bit of a safety net to take a little bit of time to just see was it. Am I going to go back to mining or am I going to, you know, listen to my heart and reach out and start helping people. And I kind of had to dip my toes in, I guess, because people would come to me at my previous job with personal stuff and they would just start talking to me and I'd be like, dude, we're at work, like why are you telling me this here? I couldn't say that, but that's what I was thinking. And then I would just, you know, say whatever. I couldn't say that, but that's what I was thinking.
Speaker 1:So, and then I would just, you know, say whatever I said and, you know, help them as best I could um and so you're just someone who's easy to talk to and I mean, I get that sense from yeah, I get that sense from you. This is, for me, this is a very comfortable conversation. You're just very, you have kind of an open soul, but yeah, you, but, yeah, keep going.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I had a few, you know, hit my toes in there and I thought those times that I was able to help them and they walked away feeling a little bit better. I might not have solved anything, but they felt better. I thought that's what I want to get into. But at the time I didn't have a life coaching certificate or a coun coaching certificate or a counseling certificate. All I had was my pt certificate. I was like, well, I've been raised to believe you need certification to do anything. Even in the mines you needed a bit of paper ticked off to. You know, even drive around, anything you wanted to do on site, you had to be ticked off. So that's when I got into the PT work Then led into.
Speaker 2:We have a scheme over here that helps people with disabilities. So whether they're autistic, prosthetic limbs, you know anything like that, the government gives them sort of, I guess, a fund to either help with specialists, specialists, doctors, and getting them out into the community. Um, and I met a lady through pt work and she said I've got a young client who wants a male support. Would you be interested in just spending some time with him, you know, an hour or two a week. See if you click he doesn't click with a lot of people and see where it goes. I'm like I'm looking for work, I'll try anything. So I started doing that, met another young fella who was 7'2", 220 kilos.
Speaker 2:Wow, Didn't leave the house, had a few injuries shoulders and knees and I was there originally to help him exercise, help him start moving. We started boxing with him sitting down because he couldn't stand up because of his knee. Then we eventually got him standing up. I got him out to the gym. We'd go to the gym a couple of times a week, got him out going for walks in and around the local park and one day he broke out into like a five or 10 metre run, you know three or four different times. Which was just so far in 12 months from where he was.
Speaker 2:But the change, the smile on his face. Because he was so tall he would hunch over to try and make it look smaller, because seven foot, you don't? I didn't understand. Well, I know it's tall because my dad's six foot, but I didn't fully understand how tall seven foot was till you're standing next to him so tall yes so tall yeah it's two feet taller than me.
Speaker 2:Two feet, it's a lot and when I was with him I would watch little kids around, and you know, even some adults, and they would sort of look because not only was he tall but he was a 220 kilos.
Speaker 1:You know, even that's not hidden on a seven foot, seven foot guy I don't, yeah, so kilos, right, is not pounds, so I'm I have a hard time imagining that, but would you consider him like real was?
Speaker 2:he like kind of stocky nine pounds to 20 kilos. I think it works, yeah, or is it the other way around?
Speaker 1:nine kilos to 20 pounds, sorry so was he heavy he was 400, about 400, 450 pounds maybe heavier, okay, yeah, so heavy and so tall. Oh, so that would be, that would be difficult, and I only went shopping.
Speaker 2:Come home, lived in his house, small house, didn't want to do it so we were I mean another support worker who was with his partner between the two of us were able to get them out, you know. Got them out to the community. You know, smile and standing up tall, you know, which then makes him look even taller because he's not.
Speaker 2:Yeah you know, but it changed him. He didn't lose. He lost a little bit of weight, um, but it was his attitude, his mindset that changed his. He looked happier. You know he still wasn't doing a lot different, but you could just see in his face it was his attitude, his mindset that changed. He looked happier. He still wasn't doing a lot different, but you could just see in his face it was a little bit brighter and I realised that's really where my passion was.
Speaker 2:Because, that was the journey. I went on from not liking not even looking in the mirror to see someone I didn't like I would avoid the mirror to now. You know I don't stand there and look at myself all day, but if I catch myself, you know I'm like I can, I can look at myself. You know I'm not ashamed to look away.
Speaker 1:No, you should look in the mirror and think, wow, I'm pretty great. Everyone should do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2:Everyone should look. No, but the difference that makes to your day if you do it in the morning is completely different to if you avoid it. You know just so. It's little things that we do that make a big change. You know, big things don't happen to us. Little things happen to us all the time and that's what changes our life.
Speaker 2:It was all those little moments that I went through that changed, that made me who I am today. It wasn't one big thing that shifted who I was. Yeah, but we always look for a big thing to change us, or to change something, or to do something, or to be happy, or and it very it happens, but it very rarely happens. You've got to find it.
Speaker 1:Yes, and do you mean when you say that? Do you mean, like, looking for a big thing? Is it from a perspective of I want something or someone else to come help me, fix me? Is that what you mean by looking for the big?
Speaker 2:thing. Maybe it's just you know, once I win Lotto, you know I'll be happy. Once I get the perfect partner, I'll be. You know I'll then be happy. Or once I get the perfect partner.
Speaker 1:I'll be, you know. Yeah, I'll then be something outside of ourselves, right? A big thing coming to rescue us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yep, because I'm sorry, at least for me, that's all right. Um, at least for me that never happened yeah no, the big change was I was made redundant, now that's right. I was gonna say that the big, the big thing was I was made redundant, now that's not a big.
Speaker 1:I was going to say that the big, the big thing is your health and you lost your job, Like that's a big thing but it wasn't coming to rescue you per se Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was just giving you the chance.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, where a lot of people see that as like great, now I've lost my job, now what am I going to to do, you know? And it can spiral downwards from there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they don't necessarily look at it as an opportunity yeah, it's funny, all the I was reflecting the other day. All the amazing things I have in my life are because of big, terrible things that happened to me, that grew me my divorce, all the trauma with that you know, all the, all the things it's like this is. I wouldn't have be the person I am today without going through those things and learning the hard lessons you know.
Speaker 2:So maybe the big things you've just had me think, then maybe the big things do happen, but they're kind of not negative, but they're taking things away from us to allow the better things to come through. So they are big things but they're not big. Here you go, have this wonderful thing. The big thing is we're going to remove that bad thing out of your life, to push you into what you want, what you deserve. So maybe they do happen, just not the way we expect them to happen.
Speaker 1:Just yes, just not the way we would hope to, I, I suppose. But you know, with some perspective it did all happen the best way. But yeah, interesting I, yeah, I am that mindset of looking for big things outside of ourselves, like it would be nice if the lotto, if I can win the lotto, would be nice if someone just popped into my life that I mean I, I have a great husband, so I don't really want another one, but I'm just saying, but you know, what I mean.
Speaker 1:So, but I think you know, in all my studies of the law of attraction and manifesting, and those things actually are already there for us If we get out of our own way and are open to receiving them, and it might not be in the form of winning the lottery, but it could be in the form of getting the great job you wanted, you know, and then having a double win, of having purpose and fulfillment and getting paid to do it, like that's actually that's way better than winning the lotto, like you, win the lotto and then you're just stuck with all this money, and what are you going to do with it?
Speaker 2:Like you still have to go find a purpose right. Yep 100, and I think part of that too that I'm learning is stepping into the person that that has to be to give that person to being that job. You know you can't be who you were before to have that job and have that purpose. You've got to. You know, like someone said to me the other day level up to be that person, yeah yeah like this is where I am at the moment with relationships.
Speaker 2:I'm single at the moment, but I can't be the person I was before and expect a different relationship. I'm just going to keep attracting the same people into my life and have failed relationships. I've got to step up and be someone different to attract someone different into my life.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I was literally just thinking that about relationships and then you said it yeah, um, like you can't attract the type of they just want the outcome, they just want better, but they don't.
Speaker 2:They don't want to look internally to say hold on, I'm not saying they're a bad person, but you know, we can all do things better. You know, I'm sure there's things. You look at yourself and say you know, I could probably do that a little bit better tomorrow. I know, I have right, yeah, and so then I'm like, all right, well, let's try and do that better tomorrow. Yes, what do I do?
Speaker 1:yeah, you and I. I was just thinking like you. We can't expect some amazing lover to come into our lives and love us so incredibly if we don't actually feel that way about ourselves. Right, like the self-love, it's like you have to be there first and you have to believe it and give yourself that in order to receive that from someone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the funny thing is, the more you give yourself that self-love, the less you're worried about if someone comes along. And then well, hopefully.
Speaker 1:They will. They'll just manifest right into your life. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a good cycle, but it's a catch-22 because people want that love before they'll give it to themselves, and it's not how it works.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not how it works, but that is a hard lesson that we have to learn, because we've somehow lost that answer in all the thousands of years we've been here. Um, so you seem like so. Now you, you became a personal trainer and then now you're also a life coach and like, tell me more about, kind of, where you've landed.
Speaker 2:So where I'm at now is working with people to help them shift their focus, because while we all go through different circumstances, different situations, different events, you know we all tend to have anxiety, depression, guilt, self-doubt, all of those things which are the same emotions I had with what I went through. So I want to share what I've learnt that's helped me get me to this level of awareness. You know I've still got a long way to go, don't get me wrong. Pass that on so that you know people stop looking at things that are happening to them that's holding them down and keeping them unhappy, and show them that they can be happy where they are if they just shift their focus. You know and understand who they are as well. You know, one of the biggest things for me was understanding the good things I did and the bad things. You know I'm not good at confrontation.
Speaker 1:I'm not.
Speaker 2:My mind goes blank, um, my brain, words, everything just pack up and walk away. So I know you know, try not to get into a confrontational situation because it's not suitable for you, you know. Try and keep the escalator and then, like this, have a conversation and if that's not working then you walk away. Don't put yourself in something, you know that's it doesn't suit who you are, you know yeah, and I'm okay with that.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm not an aggressive person, I don't. I've never been a fighter, never been into any of that. So that's fine by me. If someone disagrees with what I say, then I'm like okay, yeah, you're free to think whatever you like. You know, I'll just go about my way over here now you know no one has to be anything, that's fine.
Speaker 2:So having people understand that too, who they are, how they act, what triggers them. You know what sets them up, what they really like, what they what, what are they passionate about. You know what sets them up, what they really like, what are they passionate about? You know, because then it helps you focus on those things more you know. If you know what you like, then you can spend more time doing that and less time doing the things you don't enjoy. But you need to know what that is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and how long have you been doing this particular work?
Speaker 2:Twelve months now that I've like that. I focused on it. Yeah, I said all doing the pt work. It was always there in there when I was training clients, um, but it wasn't the focus, it just. It just evolved through the sessions, um and same with the clients I had as a support worker. Um, I was able to build a relationship with them where they would feel comfortable to, you know, start telling me about what was going on, and then I was able to share with them what helped me and if it helped them, great. If it didn't, then you know, we'd keep talking and see how we could help them through that situation. But now I'm, yeah, again.
Speaker 2:Again, life kicked me in the pants and took something away from me. Probably in december, um, like a colleague I was working closely with decided that the direction they were going in was not aligned with me anymore. Um, so me anymore, um, so you know which? Again, it's what I needed, because that wasn't where my passion lied. It wasn't really. I loved what I was doing, um, and it was a lot of fun, um, had a lot of great times, but it wasn't really.
Speaker 2:You know, my passion since I was made or probably before I was made redundant was to help people understand themselves and be happy and build that within themselves. But I always took a different path. You know, I don't want to say it felt like the easier path at the time, but it taught me something along the way as well. So now you know, like we were saying before, with the law of attraction, I'm stepping into that. Not only do I with the law of attraction, I'm stepping into that. You know, not only do I want to do it, I'm stepping into that person. And you know, like the post you seen, that's the reason I've been putting those posts up is to show people. You know, this is where I was, this is what helped me, you know, and go from there and show people that it's possible and help others through. You know, like I said, same emotions but different situations.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and there is so much power. Sorry, going to edit this part. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry my door fell. Just right, jeannie, come here One second, jeannie, stop, stop, stop. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, my doorbell just ran. Jeepney, come here one second. Jeep, stop, stop. Okay, um, okay, I was. Um.
Speaker 1:There's so much power in like that level of vulnerability of being able to just say I really struggled with these things and it's and it's okay that I did, and here I is where I'm, here is where I am now. Um I, when I went through my divorce, um, I had just moved to a new place, and so I was meeting lots of new people and like you would not believe the amount of people that got to know me and like came out of their way to get to know me because they could relate to me and they were going through something. What it might not have been divorce. It might've been like just unhappiness in their marriage or frustrations with a kid, or or even like living on the fringes a little bit.
Speaker 1:I grew up in and was in a very like conservative culture, and so even the fact that I was getting divorced was like a thing for a lot of people. And so I found that, just like by me being very authentic about what I'd gone through and like kind of living that scandal was it helped so many people, like I had people that I hadn't talked to in 20, literally 20 years, who I didn't really even know but I was somehow Facebook friends with, who would message me and reach out to me and open up about things. I was like, wow, that's a lot of details, your personal life, but you know, and I was so grateful for that and it helped me in turn, be able to just get even more comfortable with my story and I think, if we're not willing to be real about things like that, what's the point of being here? You know, like everyone struggles, it's, it's life's not meant to be lived alone that way and not have support.
Speaker 2:It's too hard and so often as I'm sure you felt when you're going through that you feel alone so long when we're really not so to hear you were going through that you feel alone, so alone when we're really not. So to hear you know, see someone else that you can connect with, it just sort of validates what you're going through and that makes it feel a little bit easier to deal with.
Speaker 1:Yes, right. Yeah, you can't change it.
Speaker 2:That's. You know, I'm not the only one it does. What I'm going through is real now, because I'm not the only person. It's not just in my head, you know. Yeah, it's okay. So it's the starting point. This is something real, not just. You know. I shouldn't be this way and you try and tell yourself it's not real, which is what I did for a long time, but how I felt about myself and my colitis was I didn't want to deal with it, so I tried to avoid it, which doesn't work. So, yeah, having that, once you accept that it is real and it's not just in your head, that's when you can really make you know, what can I do now? What are the steps I can take? What? Where can I look? What can, yeah, who can I talk to? All those things?
Speaker 2:yeah and they start to, you know you don't. Once you're ready for them to happen, you don't necessarily have to go out and look for them. Sometimes they're just. These people come into your life, you know, like with what happened my psychologist. I didn't go out looking for someone to talk to, but through this training that I heard through a friend, you know that through circumstances got me there. It was was never on my radar to do. I found you know a psychologist and while I don't do sessions with her anymore, we still talk regularly, you know. So we become friends outside of that as well.
Speaker 1:It's just yeah it's so neat like I know I was thinking um, this podcast is so fun because I get to sit and talk to people who have been through like not the same thing but similar underlying symptoms, right of how it makes us feel to go through hard things, and I find so much joy in connecting with individuals like that and building my circle up. Um, what are the things, as we're kind of coming to an end here, what are the things that you kind of do daily or that you're very mindful of that help you kind of stay in this vortex?
Speaker 2:So I like to meditate. I do that quite regularly, just about every day. I've just started doing something that I was very reluctant on was breath work, but I'm actually five days into a 21 day breath work every day. So and it's pretty amazing, if I'm honest, like I've avoided it for so long. I've known about it for years and just like no, it's not really my thing yeah, what's the what's the resistance there for you?
Speaker 1:why avoid it right?
Speaker 2:just I really enjoy meditating, relaxing and just going with the moment. So forcing not one. It's not forcing yourself, but you're kind of making yourself breathe in a certain way. I didn't want to have to, I wanted to fully relax, I think after doing meditation for so long and really enjoying that, so that for me was kind of changing that. It's not relaxing now if I'm having to breathe in a certain way because it's much more active.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:But after doing it, yeah, I'm really enjoying it and it's step up. I think it's 20 minutes for the first week, second week goes to about 40 and then the last week will be an hour.
Speaker 1:That is intense.
Speaker 2:It's early days.
Speaker 2:Wow, it's like moving upwards. Yeah, I feel really good, so that's something at least. I'm on day five, so at least the next 16 days we'll keep doing it and probably further, because I'm getting benefit, maybe not for an hour, but definitely shorter periods during the day. Yeah, journaling and I don't mean the Dear Diary, which is probably what at least men think of when they think of journaling I have prompts, so like and this is more so when I feel myself sliding backwards and feeling bad, is I look for five wins during the day. Could be doing the dishes, could be just getting up, doesn't have to be big.
Speaker 2:Again, five compliments, and that might be just that someone was happy to spend five minutes with me or, you know, like you were open to have me here on the podcast. Then my non-negotiables, like meditating you know I like to train or exercise every day, you know and then making sure I journal, putting those in there. Then I'll put five things I'm grateful for. So I'll find five things during the day. You know, again, it doesn't have to be big, it could be something small. And then I've just started putting five affirmations at the end and that's what I'll do in my journal, that I try to do every day. Yeah, just to keep that, you know, keep my thoughts focused in a certain direction and not slip back to old habits it's interesting how all of these things, like they, are a discipline.
Speaker 1:you know. It takes conscious effort to to to like, love yourself and to allow yourself that time and rest and really get in tune with your body. Yeah, yeah, it's like our default mode is to just cruise and let life happen to us, and I love that. I'm much more stepping into, I'm doing life instead of letting it happen to me, you know.
Speaker 2:And it's confronting. At the start, I think, which a lot of people we don't talk about, of just how you know, when you catch yourself thinking you know negative for so long and you're like, well, how do I think it that much? But I didn't realise it was that much of an impact on my life. You know, if you're not mindful or careful, that can drag you back down too. So I can be quite confronting taking these steps initially till it becomes a habit yes, you're used.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that you said that. Yes, because I hear people all the time say I'm not good at meditating and I'm like I don't. I don't actually think that's it. I think people say that but what they really mean that they don't know that they mean is that they're really uncomfortable meditating, because it can be really hard to sit there and actually feel what you're feeling and think what you're thinking and letting it come in and out and in and out and actually just sitting with yourself. That's difficult if you're not okay with all parts of yourself.
Speaker 2:True, yeah, 100%. And I think one thing I didn't realize when I started meditating is my perception of meditation was you didn't think anything. You just sat there quietly and you didn't think anything. So at the start and I'm still having these thoughts well, I can't do it. It's not very often that I'll have a blank mind. I'll still have thoughts come and go. There's been maybe a handful of times that I have been able to just feel my breathing and not have any thoughts, and then I realize I'm having no thoughts and I get excited and then I have thoughts again.
Speaker 1:Yes, right, yes, but it's something about focusing on the breath that allows your thoughts to be directed to that in out in out, and so it's like we are still kind of thinking. We just don't think we're thinking Right, because we're we're actively choosing our thought versus letting them come to us. Maybe that's the difference, I guess maybe that's the difference.
Speaker 2:I guess I know for me the way I like to look at meditation. Is you just focused on what's happening right now?
Speaker 2:yes so, even if you've got all these thoughts coming through and you're focusing on those thoughts as they come through, you're still in that present moment of focusing on that thought. If you let it go, great. If you don't, you sit on it, but you're still as long as you're not thinking what am I going to do tomorrow? And you're still all right. I've got this thought now of you know I've got to go shopping after this or whatever.
Speaker 1:You're still focused on that thought, which is still in the moment yeah which is really what meditation is about, is being present in that moment and not thinking about the future or the past yes, so someone, um, I read somewhere I can't remember which guru said this, but it was the point of meditation is not to not think, it's to allow yourself to think without judgment. So yeah, like, whatever is coming to you, just be like huh, like more of more. You're like observing your thoughts, right? Yeah?
Speaker 2:yeah interesting.
Speaker 1:So, um, what would be like if you could leave listeners with, kind of your last impression. What would the? What would you want people to know? What, like? What's inspiring you in this moment to say? What do you feel inspired to say?
Speaker 2:it's okay to feel whatever it is you're feeling. It's whatever you're feeling in this moment is validated and and be kind to yourself for feeling that you whether it's ideally what you should be feeling in this moment or not, it doesn't matter, it's what you feel in this moment. So allow that to be. You know, don't look back on it tomorrow and think back oh, I shouldn't have felt that yesterday. It's what you knew in that moment. It's what come up, it's how it gets you through this moment. So allow that to be and be okay with that, be comfortable with that.
Speaker 1:that's what's helping you through this moment to the next moment. Yeah, I love that, thank you.
Speaker 2:It's really profound and and it's it's like full of a lot of love, so much love there and I think we have a lot of love, so much love there, and I think we have a lot of love for our friends and family, but very rarely do we share that love for ourselves when we really need to yeah, our friends or family will be going through the exact same thing and we'll show them all the kindness and love in the world.
Speaker 2:But when it's ourselves, we criticize ourselves so much, you know, and especially with hindsight we look back, we think, oh, but we knew better. It's like, yeah, but you didn't in that time. So just appreciate that you got through that moment. Yeah, if you remember that, next time, then do something differently. But you didn't yesterday and you survived it.
Speaker 1:Yeah we have to give ourselves grace and you survived it. Yeah, we have to give ourselves grace. Yeah Well, I'm feeling really like goosebumpy and very touched by this conversation and your lasting thought. So how can listeners connect with you? I know most of my listeners, certainly at the moment, are probably going to be US-based, but the power of the internet is far so tell me all about facebook, facebook, get on there.
Speaker 2:Um, I don't have a website because I don't want to, at least at this stage. I want to keep it very personal with the work I do, um, because then I think that creates a much more closeness with people and it doesn't become so like it's just another person I've got to see for an hour. I'd rather have that connection with people. So, yeah, I've kept it to Facebook at the moment. Just go to my page and I've got Instagram. That I've got to try to remember to get on as much as Facebook.
Speaker 1:That's funny.
Speaker 2:But, yeah, just reach out through that way and yeah, hopefully do more of these. So you know, my dad said to me if you want to do something to change the world, then go out and do it, don't just talk about it. And that was another, you know, one of the things that kicked me in the back side. It's like, well, I don't like agreeing with my dad a lot of the times, but I was like, well, you've got a point, you know like I can either sit and do nothing and just complain about it, or I can go out here and start trying to.
Speaker 2:Even if it's just one person, yeah, it's still one long range. So yeah, that's what I'm trying now.
Speaker 1:Yeah there's a lot of power in having the conversation with people. That's really how business is done. Yeah, yeah, okay, well, thank you all all this. The links will be in the show notes and thank you so much for this conversation.
Speaker 2:I've really enjoyed it thank you, I appreciate it.