Ep1- Why are you a Christian ?

What role has your childhood played in shaping your faith? Join us for an intimate conversation on Unfiltered Christian with Cece and Shay, where we open up about our early experiences with Christianity. Shay reflects on the profound impact her grandmother and mother had on her spiritual foundation, bringing Proverbs 22:6 to life. Cece shares her unique journey through various denominations, influenced by her family's diverse religious background, and how those experiences crafted her spiritual path. Together, we delve into the cultural significance of Christianity within the Black community and its lasting imprint on our formative years.

Ever wondered how personal milestones can transform your faith journey? We recount pivotal moments from Cece's Church of England confirmation ceremony, initially sought for communion wine and bread, which blossomed into a profound spiritual experience. Our teenage years were filled with adventures such as discovering dancehall music and making independent choices about church attendance. Through these stories, we explore the influence of family, community, and personal choice in our faith journeys, emphasizing the significant roles our grandmothers and other family members played in guiding us.

We also touch on the power of routine and community in maintaining a strong relationship with God, especially during challenging times. From the importance of prayer and everyday phrases holding deep spiritual significance to the transformative power of determined friends, our journey of faith is a testament to resilience and support. Concluding with a heartfelt prayer for listeners who might be struggling, we seek divine guidance and comfort for all. Tune in for an inspiring and genuine conversation about the highs and lows of our Christian faith journeys.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to Unfiltered Christian with Cece and Shea.

Speaker 2: 0:05

Come and join us on an authentic journey through the highs and lows of our Christian faith.

Speaker 1: 0:12

Where we'll be holding nothing back. Hey guys, this is Shea and this is Cece. Welcome back. Thank you for tuning in. So, guys, we're going to be so organic, so I have a question that I'm going to ask Shay. She doesn't even know what I'm going to ask her, because that is how our conversations normally go. So, to start off with our first episode, as it's episode one, we give Elohim the praises and the glory. Amen are you a Christian?

Speaker 2: 0:47

wow, just like that. Just like that. Why are you a Christian? Oh, um, I guess, is it a thing where I guess it's childhood, right grew up um being taken to church by my grandma and my mom, um and I don't know if that's a thing in black culture, you know automatically. You just grew up in church, right you? Just you just grew up, you've been taken to church, um. So I, my, my, my most, my most fondest memories was going with my grandma um.

Speaker 2: 1:23

I really enjoyed those times. It was really fun. I remember um dancing at the front of church and stuff and enjoying it and loving it, um, and I feel like I guess that's where the story's not the story, but that's where my journey has started. But, as that scripture says that I'm gonna paraphrhrase here um, turn up a child and they shall not depart from it. And I feel like that's where it started for me, where I went to church, you know, with grandma and with mom, and that seed was planted in me.

Speaker 1: 1:59

That's Proverbs 22, verse six. Y'all, we got the receipts. Okay, okay, there you go Turn up a child in the way he should go amen, well done, cc.

Speaker 2: 2:09

That's it. There you go you know what?

Speaker 1: 2:11

it's funny that you said your grandma, because when I was in london, um, because my mom was raised moravian, which is kind of big in the caribbean, which I realized a lot of people don't know about Moravian, but I can't remember what that's what I was thinking when I was researching years ago.

Speaker 1: 2:29

Do not quote me, guys, do your own research, because I can't remember but I thought it was somebody from Europe that went to the islands and was doing the Moravian. So Moravians were similar to seven-day Adventists, but they just worship on a Sunday, and seven day Adventists for people that don't know they keep the Sabbath from Friday sunset to Saturday sunset. So my mum was Moravian. My dad was Catholic. My mum was just like he didn't want me to be raised Moravian. My mum didn't want for me to be Catholic, so I was raised in Church of England. However, I don't remember my mum taking me church in London. It was her friend, and when I used to go to the Caribbean, I used to go to church with my mum. So that's really interesting what you were saying. So, yeah, like I was led into God, to being a Christian through culture, like my childhood, yeah, wow, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 2: 3:31

What you're saying, it is culture. You know, yeah, christianity in the black cult, uh, in the black community, is culture, um, in a sense, like you know, if that makes sense yeah, like if you don't go to church at all, you'll be at church at Christmas and Easter. Right, exactly Right.

Speaker 1: 3:49

And don't forget New Year's Eve.

Speaker 2: 3:51

Of course, yeah, yeah, new Year's Eve, yeah, that as well. Exactly so, it's, it's, it's. That's normally how it starts for a lot of us, a lot of us. Yeah, that's normally how the journey starts. But then now is when you get to adulthood. Okay, oh, not even adulthood, let's rewind a bit. Actually, you know, when you get past the age where you can choose to go to church now, was that a teenager for you.

Speaker 2: 4:21

I mean, I feel like it was still led by my parents. I feel like I was still led where, once my mom's going to church, I'm going to church, or once we're going to church as a family, and that's something we did a lot still, um, as I had siblings and as they got older, um we were introduced to the Adventist denomination, to someone.

Speaker 2: 4:50

What age is that? Roughly Ooh right. So that's where I was about to start, because I wasn't born in England. I was born in Guyana, which is based in South America, and I came to England when I was nine, and I feel like that's where it kind of started. My mom met someone that was also Guyanese and she was Adventist, and she invited her to the church, and I feel like that's where the journey started, into that denomination oh, wow, okay so it was you, your mom and lady that used to go to the SDA church, and my dad, yeah, and my dad, well, yeah.

Speaker 2: 5:23

We all used to go, and then my mum had my sister Guys.

Speaker 1: 5:26

I've known this girl for over a decade and I didn't even know this. But it's okay, we move. I thought you did, you know. No, I didn't.

Speaker 2: 5:36

Wow, okay, see, look, we're learning about each other on the podcast. Look at that.

Speaker 1: 5:43

It's funny I remember when I was that similar ages I'm trying to think. When I was in year six, I believe I joined the choir in the church of England what age is?

Speaker 2: 5:57

year six.

Speaker 1: 5:58

Just in case someone doesn't know, this is what I'm trying to think because year six is 11, but I don't think I was that old, so I'm trying to think and, yeah, like you're turning 11, so you're about to leave to go to secondary school, which is I don't even know the American terminology, or?

Speaker 1: 6:17

well, I know they say grade six yeah so you're, you're 10, 11, basically because if you're born late and all of that jazz over here in the UK is a bit of a madness Actually, let me explain that If you're born after August in the UK, even if you're born the same year, they put you in the year behind because they've seen you as you're being born late.

Speaker 2: 6:40

Yes.

Speaker 1: 6:41

Which Shay is. I was born early. I'm a baby, so we were born the same year. Oh, so you're lucky, because normally you should have been in the year behind.

Speaker 2: 6:53

Oh, was I still in the year ahead? Does that mean we finished school at the same time?

Speaker 1: 6:58

Yeah, which she shouldn't? Well, she should have.

Speaker 2: 7:00

So when I basically no but the rules have changed now.

Speaker 1: 7:03

No, we're talking about back then.

Speaker 2: 7:05

Yeah, no, but remember. So what's changed now, when I say this, is that you're allowed to go in school from January. Back in the day, or whatever you know, you can go in from September or from January, whereas now they've removed January. You can't go into school from January now.

Speaker 1: 7:20

Depends on your birthday.

Speaker 2: 7:21

Yeah, it's only September, so they used to give people chances to go in.

Speaker 1: 7:29

If your birthday fell late, you used to get a chance to go in, whereas now yeah, I think that's what it is school starts. So basically, literally yeah, I'm not sure if it's around the world, but the school year starts in september right, exactly, yeah let's just stick with that. Yeah, so I'm trying to think. Maybe it was year five. It makes sense because it's like 10, 9, 10.

Speaker 1: 7:50

So I joined the choir and I joined the choir, to be with my friends in church because we was so tight. And then I remember, um, I wanted to take the wine and the bread. So I told my mom I wanted to be confirmed and she was telling me about how serious it was and I even went to confirmation classes with my friends and we were all doing the work but I just wanted the wine and the bread. Like I thought I was grown. I couldn't wait until he said, in the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit, and I couldn't wait to just walk up, kneel down while they wipe that silver cup and I have my wine and have my bread. I was like, oh yeah, I felt, wow, I'm a proud Church of England gal.

Speaker 2: 8:43

Yes, it's so funny. It's actually hilarious because now that I'm thinking about it, even though I was exposed to the Adventist denomination around that time, we did also go to a Church of England. So yeah, that was a big part of our life. So that's quite interesting. I vaguely remember how this works now. Now I don't remember, because I do remember being in the um Church of England and I also wanted, I was looking forward to that experience and I don't even remember those confirmation classes, like I don't even know what.

Speaker 1: 9:15

I learned different in different countries. But over here you have to go but I was here oh, okay yeah, so we did four to six weeks of classes where we used to go to the pastor's house oh Sorry, the priest, Priest or reverend whichever one Depending on yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:34

Yeah, what did we used to call him? We used to call him father, actually, father Jim. Yes, shout out to Jim. And yeah, he was really, really, really good. He was very thorough with learning, and so we used to go. I remember we had a booklet and there was different activities where you could draw, write. We had to um remember scripture, and we was just basically we were doing it for the bread and the wine, like it wasn't even to actually to actually um for the lord, it wasn't for the right reasons it was to have the bread and the wine, I think when it became serious is because they saw it as you're getting married to the lord.

Speaker 1: 10:18

So we all had our white dresses and mine was made by another caribbean lady and I had, like the white gloves, I had the veil, because you wear the veil. We walked down with our um, with our face covered until we get to the front, that's when I realized this is serious.

Speaker 2: 10:35

Wait, hang on, let's rewind. Hang on one second. Hang on, sorry wait.

Speaker 1: 10:40

I still, I still got the pictures.

Speaker 2: 10:43

I need to see these pictures. Wait, you actually had a dress made as if you were bride about to take her bridegroom. Yeah, like wow.

Speaker 1: 10:53

I've never heard of this before because I guess, when I, when I think about it biblically, it's like you're getting married to the lord until your husband takes you, you know, because you're committing so you're able to have the blood, the body, sorry, the, the bread which represents the body, and the wine represents the blood. For those that don't know, um, so it's like I'm sacrificing my old self, um, and I know, for a lot of people you can even get your name changed. At that current time you could have a biblical name, so um. So I know a lot of my african friends that lived around me. They got that's how they lost. They lose their um, their african name, and then they get their english name like elizabeth and whatever, so that's when from their confirmation.

Speaker 1: 11:46

I don't know how it is now, but I'm not generalizing, I'm just saying this is my experience. And yeah, so literally I had, I had gloves on, white shoes, white tights, my veil, everything. It was a big thing wow, that's powerful.

Speaker 2: 12:03

I've never, ever, heard of this before. This is so new to me. And she says that she, um has known me so long and she didn't know these things. I didn't even know that you had an experience like this. This is um really powerful um. Do you know what I do like about this, though, because sometimes you feel like in a church of England church that it's not. I don't even know what's the word I'm trying to say here, but sometimes you don't necessarily see how God is taken seriously. It depends, um, but I feel like this made me feel that in in your experience, that he was really taken seriously, because I've never heard of such a ceremony or a process um that was gone through because I never understood communion.

Speaker 2: 12:45

Um, it's like you've now explained it to me, but the the way they taught it to you even though at a time, you guys just wanted a bread and a wine the beauty and the depth of how you've spoken about it, um is really powerful.

Speaker 1: 12:58

Yeah, yeah, I really like that's excellent, that that was really. And we even had the archbishop.

Speaker 1: 13:08

I think at the time it was Desmond Tutu that came, so I didn't understand all of these things. Obviously, for my Black family they were excited to take pictures of Desmond Tutu May he rest in peace. But he was quite known. I don't know if he was the first Black bishop. I should say, in quotation marks, that is known, so they was excited. But all my friends and family came and, yeah, my house was rammed after it was a celebration.

Speaker 1: 13:35

Yeah, literally wow, it was such a big thing and I had my mum, I guess because she paid a lot for my dress being made. I had to be in my dress the whole day, the whole day of course, coming now.

Speaker 2: 13:48

That's a black mum for you, especially a Caribbean one. Yeah, spend a lot of money for that. Make sure you take care of it.

Speaker 1: 13:54

Yeah, literally, and I was so nervous because mum made curry goat and curry chicken and it was wiped. But I think I I must look in my mum's cupboard to see if it's still there, because my mum doesn't get rid of things like that um but yeah, it was a real big thing and I think at the time, um, I think was I in. I think, yeah, I went to church for my friends because I found church boring compared to the Caribbean.

Speaker 1: 14:27

So when I was going like, I feel like, and I don't know how every church of England church is, but ours was very the way, how, um, even though I learned a lot from Jim, he, his voice was quite platonic and I was a candle girl, I don't know, I can't remember the exact I remember those things the exact thing, but yeah, like when you got confirmed you had duties.

Speaker 2: 14:54

You had responsibilities, yeah, yeah, so I was the candle girl yeah. And you did a choir in church as well.

Speaker 1: 15:02

Yeah, Okay, yeah, so did I. Um, yeah, and you did a choir in church as well. Yeah, okay, yeah, so did I.

Speaker 2: 15:08

Did that as well, and then that aim was to be able to hold the cross.

Speaker 1: 15:10

Um, yes, everybody wants to do that you did, but I didn't want to hold the cross because that thing was heavy, because the fact that we have to stand for so long while everybody sits down before we could sit down. I was thinking. I ain't holding that cross. The cross was too much to bear. Yeah, I was just a child.

Speaker 2: 15:32

I nearly disappeared.

Speaker 1: 15:34

I'm trying to think. I can't remember what age Maybe 14, 15. Yeah, I started listening to like dancehall. Well, circle was always a part of my life, but I feel like that's the dancehall era of my life. And then I didn't. Before it was like I had to. My mum never, ever, forced me to go to church. That's one thing I could say that she never did. I went on my own. I think because she didn't go, it made me just feel like I was alone force me to go to church.

Speaker 1: 16:02

That's one thing I could say that she never did. I went on my own, but I think because she didn't go, it made me just feel like I was alone. So I thought oh, if she's not going to church, why should I go?

Speaker 2: 16:11

why should I get up and go to church?

Speaker 1: 16:14

yeah yeah um, and then, yeah, that's when I disappeared. But it was so funny because at that time, when I was 15, um so my I had two family members that were seven-day adventists in my family, which was my grandma's siblings. Um, so my, my great, my great aunt was the one who took, made me go to a seven-day adventist school so.

Speaker 1: 16:44

I don't know if it was the fact that, going to Adventist school, where we was having worship three days a week, I felt like maybe on Sunday, I don't, I don't need to have no need to worship, and it was lively because we was. We were singing some songs. That was just like clapping, like and then like no offense, but then going to church and hearing, love god, I was just like I'm not, I'll just go when I want the bread and the wine.

Speaker 2: 17:10

Yeah wow, wow, wow. What a journey.

Speaker 1: 17:15

Shout out to the grandmas shout out those grannies, you know, and the great aunts.

Speaker 2: 17:20

Yeah, yes and the great aunts, because they're the ones that was um stewarding for us, and and praying for us and guiding us. You know um. Without them, man, where would we be?

Speaker 1: 17:33

where would we be?

Speaker 2: 17:34

if those grandmas or those great aunts did not say I'm gonna take you to church, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. Um, I don't think, I want to know, I really don't want to know.

Speaker 1: 17:43

Um, that's powerful and the friends, because, remember I was saying, it was my mum's friend that started taking me to church my mum didn't take me to church.

Speaker 2: 17:53

Yes, yes, yes, yes, which I don't?

Speaker 1: 17:55

even call her friend, we say family um because she's been in my life all my life all your life. So so she's like a family friend, shout out to you guys and so I used to go church with them, and then when they moved from the area, I just started going to church by myself. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:19

I love that community, though that's definitely missing. That's powerful to know that you went with your mom's friend yeah, you know that community is not around anymore. Um, because, if you know what would have happened as well if it wasn't for your mom's friend and your mom being comfortable and open to that, you know for you to go to church because, like some parents as well, like she could have rejected that idea. Like my child's not going to church, I don't go to church. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1: 18:44

so it's my brothers didn't go to church and we all have the same mother right, see, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2: 18:51

So it's, it's powerful that, um, you ended up going with your mom's friend.

Speaker 2: 18:56

But you know, god calls his children you know, you could see how he aligns our life from well, you know, he knows us from our mother's wound, right, you know, way before we were created. Um, yeah, so it's just amazing to actually analyze it and look back and just see how, um, what took you through. And when I think about, when, I think about this, when I and I, when I think about my journey now, I flash back to my great uncle, which was my dad's um, not my dad, my grandma's brother. I think that's what he would to my great uncle, which was my dad's, not my dad, my grandma's brother. I think that's what he would be, my great uncle, I guess. And he's Adventist and before even coming to London and you know, having that experience with my mom's friend, he was the one that used to take me to vocational Bible school at his church, oh VBS.

Speaker 2: 19:41

Yeah, shout out to VBS and he used to be packed. That's all I remember. Like when I have a flashback of it, it was just packed. I don't remember what I did by the way, my memory is not as great as cc's, by the way, guys, so you're always gonna hear me say I don't remember, but I just have a flash or a vision of just being in that class and it being quite packed. So whenever my mom was at work, um, my uncle would take me there, um, and I feel like that is where that seed was planted, um. But I never remember that. I only remember that until recently, when I reflect on my journey and I'm like, oh my gosh, how can you forget your uncle?

Speaker 2: 20:15

he used to take you to um, to to the, to the, you know, the summer VBS classes at his church, um, and now he's just like super proud. He's like, oh my gosh, my niece is adventist. Like, oh, yeah, he's yeah, but I remember that journey. So, and that was me before you know, when I was under nine, wherever, whatever age I was, I can't even remember um, but teen wise, I don't. Yeah, I think I did go to church quite a bit. Me and my family had a few years where it was constant, where we did the sabbath, um, if anyone doesn't know what it's, oh, we did explain what the sabbath was actually yeah, oh, was that in?

Speaker 1: 20:53

was that in the UK? Yeah, that was the sabbath, oh wow we practiced the sabbath.

Speaker 2: 20:58

My whole family did do the sabbath.

Speaker 1: 21:00

My mum would cook on Friday was that before your other siblings were born?

Speaker 2: 21:04

no, this is in my teen times. My brother and my sister were were around by that point.

Speaker 1: 21:09

Oh, wow, wow there's something else I'm finding out, oh crazy yeah, we all did the sabbath the whole.

Speaker 2: 21:20

We all went to church. My mum would cook on Friday I'm talking the full works guys mac and cheese, fried rice, you know, barbecue chicken, whatever, and we'd have a full spread ready for Sabbath.

Speaker 1: 21:32

And we'd go to church together.

Speaker 2: 21:34

And then someone used to come from church and also give us Bible studies as well. Yeah, we were fully attending church for a few years. So what happened? That's a good question. That's a really good question. I'm not really sure what happened at that point where that breakdown came um. The enemy didn't like it.

Speaker 1: 21:56

I think that's the main thing the enemy didn't like that.

Speaker 2: 21:58

He didn't like that unity, he didn't like the fact that we were going to church, we were worshiping. And then I remember my dad telling me a story two years ago of when he did come to what is my now still my church, now my current church. He said that the pastor said to him that God is calling him to be a pastor. Wow, actually, minister, and I don't know what was in him that rejected that, and I feel like he wasn't ready.

Speaker 2: 22:27

Right right but what do you do? Right? If someone comes up to you and to be like, you know, like the Holy Spirit said, I think you should be a pastor and you're like well.

Speaker 1: 22:36

I also think it's depending where you are with your walk. That's another thing, guys. Another thing that I want to say there's times where you might not hear us say the word god. We may say elohim yahweh. It's just because god is universal and we want to make sure that you understand that we are talking about the god from the bible, so you may hear us say elohim yahweh, ywah, yeah, it's just us.

Speaker 2: 23:04

Amen, yeah, yeah, that was a good one.

Speaker 1: 23:07

Yeah, so I think for me I'm trying to think back when I I'm trying to think I think when I got to college for sixth form, so this time I'm 16, 17, so I was those times. I used to be going shubs, which was called house parties. I was, I was doing street dance, so street dance was my thing, like we had shows. We done a lot of shows. I enjoyed myself. I was doing trampolining at the time broke my ankle and all sorts of stuff. So I think I went back to my, to the Church of England church. Um, jim has gone by then the the members were still there, but I don't know something just wasn't sitting right with me and me being me. I don't even know how I researched back then because there wasn't sitting right with me and me being me. I don't even know how I researched back then because there wasn't nothing like that Google was about, but it wasn't known, and there was something about going to church on Sundays that just didn't feel right.

Speaker 2: 24:20

Was that? Because at that point you'd already gone to the Adventist secondary school?

Speaker 1: 24:24

no, um, because I didn't. I still didn't. Okay, let's go back. Back. Back because my great aunt I used to go to her house, um, for for when, I guess? When my mum had enough of me, so it was me and my other cousins used to go to my great aunt's house, but we used to, we used to hate it, but we didn't understand. This is going to sound stupid, but it's not stupid if this makes sense. At the age that we were, I knew during the week is Monday to Friday and I knew the weekend. We didn't want to go to my aunt's house at the weekend because we knew that there's no television, there was nothing. We was in church all day. That's the day that she used to pray the most, but I didn't connect that with the sabbath, if that makes sense it was just yeah, um, but you know there's somebody that's up, but why?

Speaker 1: 25:17

I know what the weekday is, you know, but I'm just saying from my experience, um, so I didn't understand that part. I didn't understand. I didn't even realize that we were going to church on Saturday because I went to her house. I don't know what day I went, I just knew that there was a certain day that when we was on our knees, and we used to be on our knees for long, me and my cousins used to be opening our eyes like when is she gonna finish? And then we used to be at church all day, like we. We was leaving the house at probably like nine and not coming back until nine. Yeah, so, or when the times where someone felt sick, it was just like no, we would rather go to church because we're at home doing nothing yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:02

I didn't. I didn't understand any of that. Um, and with my school again, I saw my school used to finish at um 12 30 so you could go home and prepare for the sabbath. I didn't get about that bit it was. I'm happy that my school finishes at 12 and I'm going home so. I didn't still have any understanding. So I don't know.

Speaker 1: 26:27

So maybe you're right, maybe there was a seed planted there that I just didn't know, but there was something about worshipping on the Sunday that didn't feel right and me being me, because back then, in those times, the calendar used to start on Sunday and I'm talking about, like back back, I'm talking about the calendars that were white and red. I don't know, I'm speaking my age here. Back in the day they used to be white and red and the. Sunday was always red. Oh wow, so the start of the week was always red.

Speaker 1: 27:06

I don't know where my mom even used to get those calendars but, all my family had them and even like if you ordered from the Chinese shop, their son the first day of the week started on Sunday, and I think that was my first. I was, I was confused and then. So that was when I was in college, I mean I think I was like 17. Um, yes, when I was. I think that's when I first started working at Marks and Spencer's.

Speaker 2: 27:37

Yeah, that's a supermarket, guys, if you don't know yeah well, it's a, it's a? Um, what do you call it? A department store? I feel yeah, because they do food and well, I was working with the one with the food and clothes I was working in a big store, one, um, yeah, so I think at that time the days of the week again.

Speaker 1: 27:55

So your shift started on the Sunday. Because that was the first, they saw that as the first day. So I was thinking at Marks and Spencer's. Yeah, oh, that's really interesting because most businesses don't monday. Because that was the first, they saw that as a first day. So I was thinking about mock suspensors yeah, oh, that's really interesting because most businesses, don't, you'll be surprised, you know like

Speaker 1: 28:11

if you look at how they calculate your pay, you would be like, hmm, you think it's monday, but a lot of, even my last workplace, yeah just let's start anew, because my company starts from monday on the rota.

Speaker 2: 28:24

Yeah, they do for monday. They don't do. They say saturday and sunday.

Speaker 1: 28:27

It's the sunday's the last day of the week on my rota and they've always done it like that, but that's interesting yeah, so when it came to the pay, it was like sunday, so they've had the sunday in front. So I that's where my question came from. My question came from if sunday is the first day of the week, why are we going to church on that day? And I think that's where I started to find out who god is for myself not culture not anything.

Speaker 1: 29:00

I I remember going to the pastor that was there at the time in the Church of England church saying it's Sunday, the first day of the week, and then he said it used to be, but the Romans changed it, and I was thinking, oh, this is interesting.

Speaker 1: 29:19

And then my dad, he is a historian, so I went to him and then he was breaking it down, broke down a lot of stuff, and I was thinking to myself, hmm, okay, so I didn't want to go to a Church of England church anymore. I didn't want to go to a seven day Adventist church because I wanted to watch TV and I still wanted to do things on a Saturday where if my friends had songs or go into the shops or stuff. So I was thinking, hmm, and I think that's when I first went to Ruak. This is no judgment on Ruak, this is just my experience again. So, yeah, and I think when I first I went work for about a month. But you know, growing up Caribbean, you know that the church has a standard, whether it's Sunday or Saturday. You know you come correct in your dress, fully socks or whatever, and I just felt it didn't feel like church.

Speaker 1: 30:17

It felt like I was at a rave, or a brunch, as they call it today um so it didn't feel right. So I started um, at the time, shout out to my friend Jeffrey that was in school. He used to start doing bible study with me and he was just like, do you know what, if you don't feel comfortable, just have worship at home. And that's when I started reading the bible for myself and praying, and yeah. So from the ages of 18 to trying to think how old were we when we got baptized?

Speaker 1: 30:51

yeah, I know it does, I don't remember myself, maybe we were born the same year, love um, okay um, maybe we think it was my second year of uni, so I would have been 20. Yeah, that sounds about right to be fair sounds about 2021, depending on what, what, where in the year it was it was yeah, yeah, yeah, it does um, because I don't remember what month it was it was october that that always remember. It was october, I'm trying to think. Was it 2008?

Speaker 2: 31:33

it was nine. I think 2009. Yeah, I think it was 2009, because my certificate is quite vague.

Speaker 1: 31:43

Now I've got mine somewhere, so we was 21,. 21, the age of, so you would have been 20. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 31:52

So I was 21.

Speaker 1: 31:53

Yes, and I think and I'm just being honest here From 18 to the ages of, I would say, 23, that was my best experience. I was on fire for the Lord. Like I mean, when I mean on fire, if I heard circular music, my spirit used to feel uneased. Like I don't feel that no more. I want to go back to that. Like I didn't like circular music, anything that wasn't of Elohim. I didn't like circular music, anything that wasn't of Elohim.

Speaker 2: 32:26

I didn't want it that's powerful, though being so young, and that's that you felt that way. Where did that? Do you think you know where that came from?

Speaker 1: 32:36

yeah, it came from reading. I never at a time. I think that's when bibles first started to come on phones, but it wasn't so serious like that yeah and I used to read. I used to sit there and read like everyday read. I stopped with my shows because this is I'm talking about the times when bad girls club was on like I was addicted to all of these things and I thought, why am I watching this stuff? Like, how does it represent Yahweh?

Speaker 1: 33:05

it doesn't represent him in any way and I think that was hard because TV shows was my getaway yeah, and then once, one day, I said a prayer and he removed it, and once he removed that from me, I just used to read, read, read, read. And I'm being as we said, we're being truthful, it's unfiltered. Where I am right now, I don't read as much as how I read back then. Back then, my Bible was highlighted.

Speaker 2: 33:39

It was colourful, highlighted, and I still got that Bible because that was my youth Bible.

Speaker 1: 33:43

It was colourful, highlighted, had the little and I still got that Bible because that was my youth Bible. It was purple. I even got like pages where it said like certain things and I think it just shows the importance of reading.

Speaker 2: 33:55

Reading yeah.

Speaker 2: 33:57

Wow, that's powerful. Your memory is good. I don't think I have that type of memory of mine. I don't know what happened between what age to what age, I just don't. I just don't. I just remember I wasn't in church um after, I think, to be honest, once me and my family stopped going, I wasn't going um and at that point, being in a Sunday church, I don't think I could have done it because it felt uncomfortable. So once I wasn't going to an Adventist church, I wasn't going to church at all. I don't know how I found my way back into church that's a good question To the point where we got baptized, but I know I was only in church for a year.

Speaker 1: 34:42

So maybe I went back to church. Was that through someone's auntie, like in terms of connection through culture?

Speaker 2: 34:51

no, okay, they're the reasons why I ended up in the church in the first place oh, okay, okay, okay yeah, I know who you're talking about. It was that person, but maybe or maybe it was that actual niece, because maybe it was because of her I started going back to church. Okay, no, I really can't remember, but I know what the Lord led and you wept amen so I came back, I was.

Speaker 2: 35:18

It was about a year that I was there and within that year, that's when I got baptized and I think that's when we met. Okay, so I was, and I think the way you had those years where you're on fire for God, so was I. So that year I was on fire for God, but maybe not necessarily in the same way, because with me being dyslexic, reading is not my favorite thing at all, like it's the Lord that's changed that in me for sure, amen. And I feel like even now I am still on that journey when it comes to the reading part, because I prefer devotionals, even when I restarted my journey with God about seven years ago and there's nothing wrong with the way how you guys read or do devotions like don't, don't think that one way there isn't yeah as long as your your devotion has something about a scripture or something, because sometimes, depending where you are in life, it's hard but, just keep going, because when you start it's so hard to restart.

Speaker 1: 36:19

So even where I am. Where I am right now is I force myself and even though it may seem bad. But once I have a routine it will be easier.

Speaker 2: 36:32

So sometimes you do have to force yourself. The world makes you feel as if you have to. Everything comes natural. You know, like you know, unless you're feeling it, that's when you do it, and if you're not feeling it you don't do it. But when it comes to Elohim, like he deserves the effort because we will force ourselves to do other things, that is not of God. But when it's stuff to do with him, we won't even push ourselves. And you know for fact, once you start you get into such a mode of it, like sometimes I don't feel like reading the word and I get into it and then I'm like I'm lost. I get caught up in this world and I'm in the word, like I feel like I'm literally in the middle of the story. So sometimes that is the journey and I had to learn that over time in my own walk.

Speaker 2: 37:25

But what I was trying to say at that time, when I got back into the church for that very short snippet, what I enjoyed was the community. So I feel like I wasn't really reading. I struggled with that part. I bought myself a New King't really reading. I struggled with that part. I bought myself a New King James Version Bible because I thought that that's what I was meant to read and I couldn't understand a word of it. But I thought there's something wrong with me. Why can't you get it? And reading wasn't necessarily at the forefront of my mind, but community was what I enjoyed, like church was just bumping, like people were there. I loved our pastor. Shout out to pastor latte.

Speaker 2: 37:58

You know that is our guy you know he felt that he made the young people want to be in church. You know, I will never forget our baptism day. Like that church was just, I don't think you could even walk Like there was people everywhere. I remember like the pool, just seeing so many people that I didn't even know. And I think that's what I loved, that's what drew me in church, that's what had me there. But the word, it's very had me there. Um, but the word, it's very important to be grounded in the word. And I understand what you're saying there because I feel like if I was grounded in the word, I wouldn't have been pulled away from the house of the Lord. And we think everything is perfect in church. And that's what pulled me out, because I thought why would people in the church hurt me?

Speaker 1: 38:55

Why would they do this to me. We're going to have an episode on this honey. We're going to have the episode.

Speaker 2: 38:58

On that one we have to definitely come. I'm not going to go into the details of that because I'm going to definitely put that into another episode, but that's what took me out. I got hurt and I walked away and I never turned back. I got hurt and I walked away and I never turned back. So that was where my journey was up to at that point, at the age of 20.

Speaker 1: 39:25

God, didn't see me again until I was 27. Can you say he didn't see you again? I know your memory ain't as good as mine. We got there, we got there, but I want you to think, because I'm not saying did you say you walk away? Did you walk away from the building? However, at times you still found yourself praying Within those years that you disappeared from the building.

Speaker 2: 39:50

Ooh, maybe I did. My memory is not as good like you said, but maybe I did. I look back on Facebook posts, see me referring to God and and and saying things about him and like God this and God that I actually that's a good point I did do that and when I see those posts, I'm like, oh my gosh, like I still referenced to him, I still spoke of him, he was still in my mind. Okay, so you're right, I feel like God didn't walk away from me. He didn't because he kept me, but I was in there and you didn't walk away from him fully.

Speaker 2: 40:28

That's a point. That's a point. I feel like we do beat ourselves up and feel like we did walk away um because someone's saying tries to blind you, shout out to the facebooks and all these other things that be like your memory in 2008.

Speaker 1: 40:43

You know tagging people or you know share this if god is good, you know right all of those days. But sometimes I think to myself, we think that we've fully walking away because of the outward appearance, because you're probably drinking, you're out, you're dancing, you're doing whatever you are doing, but maybe when you're at home, you don't know like when something sounds like you.

Speaker 1: 41:12

Just because even the other day, guys, I was saying to shay, like literally we send each other enough voice, voice notes, like every day but, I was saying to her that sometimes one little word of prayer is a prayer, like you could say lord, I don't even know, help me, yeah, or Lord, help me to get up tomorrow, but that's a prayer. Or I'm trying to think of something simple that we might say.

Speaker 2: 41:44

I need you.

Speaker 1: 41:45

No, but you know what, something that you don't really think about, like okay, I'll use where I'm living. The water goes, the hot water can go at any given time. I don't. It's been like that for years and it might come back on and I'm like oh, thank you, lord, I don't want it to go back off so like you know, like you're just having a conversation, but that is a prayer.

Speaker 1: 42:09

Yeah, yeah, and I think sometimes we don't realize that little things, that that we might say it's actually a prayer, but we just think that we're having a cop, like not even saying a conversation, like a um, what do they call it? A cat, not catchphrase, but word of speech. If that makes sense, is it word of speech? No, we might have, I don't think so no, you know, like when you, when you have a saying like a figure of speech, yeah, figure of speech, yeah yeah, so it might be a figure of speech.

Speaker 1: 42:41

Yes, like you leave the house, you might be like lord, protect me, but you don't think it's a prayer? Because it's a figure of speech, like in the caribbean. You that's what you say yeah like in senkits. Everything is that you don't even realize how deep?

Speaker 1: 43:00

that is because I can't remember the text in the bible, but it talks about um. It will come back to me because I don't. I don't want to paraphrase, but it basically says that you must end whatever you want in the future. Future meaning tomorrow or days after, by God's grace. So whenever my family talk about certain stuff like oh I hope Shana gets in that school, you know, god spare life. Oh, you're getting on a plane tomorrow. God spare life.

Speaker 1: 43:33

Like everything, is God spare life that you don't even realise how deep you're actually saying something that is biblical and it was only like because I've been hearing that saying since I was a child and it was sometime this year that I actually saw it in the Bible and I said, wow, I need to find it. But it basically says that. It basically means that you know, when we say, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow, it's like we're idolatring ourselves because we think that we're going to get there tomorrow. So see you tomorrow, by god's grace. You're, if the lord permits, right. But why are you talking? I'm gonna find that text, honey, right, right, right because it's really deep and I always thought why do why?

Speaker 1: 44:26

and I think that's what I did. I researched it like because I went home for four weeks last year and I heard it and I said why do we say that? And I literally researched it and it's biblical that's powerful.

Speaker 2: 44:39

We don't. You're right about that. I feel like that's something I had to learn in my journey as well, in regards to you know, like, how small a prayer can be, and we also do not get taught that prayer is a conversation, like the way me and you are having a conversation right now is that Elohim is not necessarily coming back with a response straight away. Um, and it's so funny. Actually, I heard someone say something yesterday and, um, and I thought to myself you have to be careful how you're saying that, because she said that, oh, every time she prays, god will respond to her, um, straight away, like that day. And then she tried to say that if you're, um, maybe you're not on a strong enough walk of God. That's why, um, you don't get a response like that. And I was thinking that's not fair to say, because everyone's on a different journey and you can't say that because God responds to you straight away. That, if I don't hear from him in that way, that means that, um, there's something wrong with my walk. Um, yeah, so, and that's me going off subject there, as usual, but, um, yeah, I just feel like, oh, I lost my train of thought, but I just feel like you know, don't feel a way about the way you communicate with God, because he knows you, he made you, you know he knew you right before you and your mother's wound.

Speaker 2: 46:08

I keep saying this scripture, but it's, you know, paraphrasing it, not saying it very well, but you know paraphrasing it, not saying it very well, but you know he did, and so you can just sit there and talk to him.

Speaker 2: 46:20

You could just sit there and talk to him or wherever, like you can be, on the bus or on the train or driving and talking to him. I know I had someone speak about. He's a busy father and a husband and his time with Elohim is in the car. So when he's on his journey, when he doesn't get to have that time, maybe in the morning, it's private time at home in the car. That's when he's conversating, that's when he's talking on that hour's journey to work and he's not necessarily in that posture. Now I'm not saying you should not have those moments where in a posture Now, I'm not saying you should not be have those moments where in a posture of prayer, where you're kneeling and you know you're really crying out because, trust me that that, that feeling that you have, you know when Elohim is speaking it's it's on a whole different level. But know that you can. You can just talk with him anywhere and he will hear you, because he is omnipotent he's everywhere.

Speaker 1: 47:14

Even if it's one sentence, it's still a prayer right, because he hears you. Like sometimes you could be in pain and you could just say, lord, remove this pain.

Speaker 2: 47:25

Even if you say amen or not, he hears you but then here's the thing the pain will be removed and you're like, oh my gosh, did he do that?

Speaker 1: 47:32

like yeah you just forget about it.

Speaker 1: 47:34

Yeah, yes, and you forget that you even said that exactly because you know, like, for example, depending I'll just use another example that maybe somebody can relate like, say, for example, you always get up late. You might say, oh, as a figure of speech, oh, lord, help me to wake up tomorrow, like on time, and you go to sleep and then you wake up on time, but you forgot that you said the prayer. You'll be like oh, do you know, I woke up before my alarm, you know because it's not seen as a prayer, it's not seen as anything.

Speaker 2: 48:07

You know you, just you disregard that, but then we forget how powerful words are, so powerful.

Speaker 1: 48:16

I found it. It's in James 4, verses 13 to 16. It says I'm reading from the NIV, because I normally read from the King's James version, but I'm going to read from the NIV so it's more clearer. It says now listen, you who say today or we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money, why do you not even know what will happen tomorrow? What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say if it's God's will, we will live to do this or that. And that is James 14, verses 13 to 15.

Speaker 1: 48:56

So imagine something that is done in our culture. Some great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandma saw that and said, instead of like, obviously in in english, it's well when I say english because we speak english, but in terms of life, in terms of like the english, english, if it's god's will. But right where I'm, where, where my mom is from, in senketsu, they say god's spare life. You said it's the it's, it's the same thing, but it's just said differently, and sometimes we've got to look into that.

Speaker 1: 49:32

Um, yeah, and I'm trying to think so, we, we, we jump left, but we, we, we lead where the holy spirit leads, honey, but at the same time, I think, and I never let.

Speaker 1: 49:45

When I said the ages of 21, I I did, I did back backslid, I did use, I still was going to church, but after sunset I was going raving. I know I couldn't go raving on Friday because it felt awks, but then now I don't know what age I got serious again. I can't remember, but I too was hurt, which we will talk about in another episode, about being hurt by church members, and I think I don't know, I think it was a lady I'm going to call her Sister J who basically said something that I would use in the next episode, something that I would use in the next episode and, um, whenever we talk about that, and she was the one who made me think, okay, let me come back to church. And it was awkward because I had the people that didn't like me anymore still there. But I went to church for the Lord and not for man, and and that's how I became stronger and where I am today.

Speaker 2: 50:55

Amen, there we go. That was the thing that I think in a snippet for the both of us the journey of our Christianity.

Speaker 1: 51:07

Yeah, so we were Christians because of culture. We found the Lord. Oh, you didn't give about your actual story of how you found God for yourself. Oh, oh I don't think I can, it's okay. No pressure, maybe for another time.

Speaker 2: 51:30

I know right, because my mind is just like I don't really remember. Um, do you know what? That comes quite later on in my life and, um, I think I will cover. Maybe I might cover cover that in the episode that we speak about the hurt, because it came through the process of that. It came from the hurt because I didn't restart my journey with God until I was about 27. And I think that's when I started finding him for myself. Actually, I think I can talk about that. I think, like when I got to the point where I was fed up of being Was that when I used to do Bible study with you?

Speaker 2: 52:17

No, we didn't start it yet. We didn't start that yet. I was fed up of being in the world. I was fed up of putting on this mask every day. Um, you know, masking they call it. I think masking every day. I wasn't the person I was when I left the door, um, and I was just fed up of just not loving myself. Um, I was fed up of being in the world. I was fed up of raving and just not getting anything from it anymore. I was just fed up. I think that's the main thing we can get from that.

Speaker 2: 52:53

And I remember going to America to see my family and so maybe, yeah, so I was like 27. I'd just turned 28. And I remember having my 28th birthday here. I went to America, went to see my family, went through this whole thing where I just still I felt empty. I felt like something was missing and I was tired of the world hurting me as well. I felt like I just kept getting hurt by the world, like I'm giving myself to the world, which is the devil, and you're getting hurt. And I was fed up of that.

Speaker 2: 53:32

And I came back from that trip and I made a decision and that was the December of that year. I don't remember the year, but I just remember it was December. My birthday is in November. I remember it was December and I said I've had enough, I'm not doing this anymore. I remember it was December and I said I've had enough, I'm not doing this anymore.

Speaker 2: 53:47

And I said the January I'm starting my journey with God again. Amen, I am starting it again. And I remember coming to you. And then that's when I started coming to you, like about what devotionals can I get? What can I read? What can I do? Where can I start? And I remember that first month just crying because I didn't understand anything and I was so frustrated I was like I don't get it, I don't get, what am I reading here? But that's when I knew that Elohim was within me, because I pursued, I continued, which normally I would have given up. But that's how fed up I was. I was like that's it. And that's when I started that journey for myself. So I wasn't ready to go back into the church building, but I started a journey for myself. So I wasn't ready to go back into the church building, but I started having church at home and I started praying.

Speaker 1: 54:30

Let me interject here, let me talk to the brethren out there, brothers or sisters out there. If you have somebody that you are praying with or you have a friend or family member and they because let me tell you, shay was difficult, you know Like she- started making up excuses, like I'll be, like she's, like I don't want to read today like oh it's long, like God ain't gonna accept me, so why should I do this?

Speaker 1: 54:56

she was difficult, but I did not give up. So and I'm just saying like only the Lord can fix people is to continue to pray and don't give up. It may be frustrating or whatever, but do not give up, because I remember the days where I'll be like, oh, friday I'm gonna call you, we could have a little study, and then she'll say yeah, or then she would ignore my calls or like it was. It was like different stuff and then message me back saying like it's long, wow.

Speaker 1: 55:24

I'm one of the good memories, so yeah, oh my gosh, that is so terrible, and I just kept pushing and then I thought to myself, do you know what, let me not call and I just used to send her bible verses or um, and because I was aware that she had dyslexia, I just used to send her things that was very transparent, that she'd be able to understand and she can relate to um, and I just used to send her that on a Friday. Um, and I just used to send her that on a Friday instead, and I just continued I don't even know if you remember I do not at all.

Speaker 1: 55:52

That sounds like such a vague wow and I let, and whenever she wanted to call, because I think one of this, I remember one of those, one of the things I sent you you wanted to know more about, and then so she, she called me. So I just let the ball in her court, but do not give up on praying. And if they're not ready to talk, just send them the scriptures. It's their choice to read it or not, but they'll just continue to pray for them and, um, the lord will do it. The lord will do it because she was difficult, but look where she is now. Now she listens to the holy spirit.

Speaker 1: 56:26

See, I spoke to her and she said yes, so don't give up, don't give up on your friends, your family members, your colleagues, whoever you are telling the lord about, and you gotta remember that they've probably had a negative experience or certain things just happened to them. While they're I wouldn't say fully rejecting, they're just putting a barrier up. Um. So don't feel rejected, because our lord and savior was rejected by his own um.

Speaker 2: 56:54

So yeah, and it's not you as well. They're rejecting. They're not rejecting you. Um, it's just. It's that thing. You just feel like you know it's the lie. The enemy tells you that, that that he will never accept you, that you've done so many things. Why would he accept you? Why would he? Do you know what I mean? You're not his child, you were not chosen, he didn't die for you. Like, where did you get that from? It's just all these lies that filter into your head and you start the journey and you're willing.

Speaker 2: 57:24

But then I just remember being that time, just feeling still so hurt and just feeling like I can't do it and just feeling like I also don't want to disappoint God. I don't want to start and fall, and start and fall. That's what it was as well. I felt like if I start and I fall, he's going to hate me. I'm going to be the worst child in the world, like, do you know what I mean? And that was also the difficulty for me, and that was a lot of the time. What was in my mind? But do you know what? Thank you, thank you for staying by my side.

Speaker 2: 57:52

It wasn't me, honey, it was the Holy Spirit, you know glory to Elohim for using you and keeping you to stay persistent. So you know that we continued on, and you know how many years later I've stopped counting. Now you know how many years later I've stopped counting. Now I'm at this place where I'm still on my journey. There's still battles, there's still fights, but the power of the Holy Spirit, the power of Elohim, knowing that he is there, seeing him, moving man, I can't turn back. I cannot turn back. We can turn back. We just we've come way too far. Um, and that's what happens. And know that it's okay. If you're on that, in that place where you just feel like you just don't boy, you can't hear him, it's okay, that's all right, yeah, that's okay. You will have those moments. He's there, he is still there. Remember that he's still there.

Speaker 1: 58:51

For sure, he will never leave you, nor forsake you.

Speaker 2: 58:54

That's right.

Speaker 1: 58:57

Oh guys, thank you for listening to our first little chat. It's episode one, honey. Right, I think we should end with a little prayer. I think we should do you want? To pray? Sure, okay, give the people some time right.

Speaker 2: 59:22

Guys, get into your position of prayer if you need to. Wherever you are, it doesn't matter. Even if you're wherever you are, you, you're listening to us right now. You can just close your eyes and just meditate right now as we pray. Dear gracious, wonderful and holy Father Lord, we just want to thank you, father, lord in heaven, for this moment, this time, this day. Father Lord, thank you that you woke us up and thank you for allowing us, lord, to be present right now. Lord, in our rightful minds and in our rightful thoughts. Thank you so much, lord, for bringing this podcast, lord in Heaven, to to us, to your daughter, so that we can lay, we can speak what you would like us to speak. Father, lord in Heaven and Father Lord, thank you for being in the center, because you were definitely in the center of this first episode and we just want to give you glory, because all powers and all glory goes onto you, not onto us, because we're just the vessels. And, father, lord in heaven, thank you for using us.

Speaker 2: 1:00:21

Lord in heaven, I want to pray for anyone listening right now, lord. Pray for anyone listening right now, lord, father, god, if they are struggling or going through a moment or a season because, lord, it is a season where they are. They don't know where to go, they don't know what to do, they don't know why they're in the place where they are right now. Father, god, reach out and touch your children, touch your son, touch your daughter. Encourage them, lord, and help them to know that you are there. Father, lord, send them a praying sister or brother, mother, father, grandma, lord, in heaven, to just encamp around them and let them know that you are there for them, Lord, thank you so much, lord, for your time, and thank you, father, lord, for just being who you are and always being consistent and always being the same, never changing. We love you, lord, and if there's anything, lord, hindering or stopping these prayers from reaching you, may it please be removed In your blessed name, as we pray, amen.

Speaker 1: 1:01:16

Amen, so we'll catch you in episode two.

Speaker 2: 1:01:22

Bye. Guys, Bye.