Building Resilience: The Impact of Daily Habits and Personal Rituals on Mental Wellness

What if the key to overcoming your greatest challenges lies in daily habits and rituals? Join us on Healthy Mind Healthy Life as we explore transformative personal journeys and expert insights that shape mental wellness and personal development. This episode features an incredible lineup of guests, including Robert J. Hunt, the Accountability Guy, who shares his expertise on helping leaders achieve their goals by overcoming obstacles. Holly Potter, an international speaker and serial entrepreneur, recounts her harrowing battle with COVID-19 and her relentless determination to support the long COVID community. Naturopathic doctor and author Dr. Emily Wilson offers invaluable guidance for expecting parents, emphasizing the importance of postpartum self-care.

Discover the profound impact that resilience and self-compassion can have on your personal growth. We hear from Shara, a passionate advocate for victims of intimate partner violence, and Rachel Fredman, founder of Somatic Coach School, who explains how somatic healing can empower individuals with high-functioning anxiety. Logan Afford opens up about his transformative journey from sex addiction to recovery, highlighting the pivotal role of faith in his life. Their stories underscore the power of persistence, the necessity of self-reflection, and the courage to make life-altering decisions.

Explore the therapeutic processes of reintegrating disassociated memories and the importance of finding purpose through one's Dharma. Our guests share their personal rituals and accountability methods, illustrating how small, consistent actions can lead to significant, positive changes. Whether you are seeking inspiration, practical advice, or simply a deeper understanding of mental wellness, this episode offers a wealth of insights to help you enhance your life. Tune in to uncover the power of personal habits, the significance of support systems, and the ongoing effort required for personal growth.

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:12

Hello and welcome to Healthy Mind Healthy Life with your host, avik. This podcast is all about exploring the latest research, sharing personal stories and providing personal tips for improving our mental health and well-being. Each episode will be joined by experts in the field of mental health, as well as individuals who have experienced the transformative power of a healthy mind first-hand. Together, we will dive into a range of topics, from managing stress and anxiety to building resilience and cultivating happiness. So join us on this journey to discover new ways to take care of our minds, bodies and souls, and let's work together to create a healthier, happier world, one episode at a time. So let's get started. Hey, hello, and welcome everyone to Healthy Waves, the live group podcast. It's a new episode and new format as well, for sure, and where we explore the diverse and impactful topics with the help of experts from around the world. So I'm your host, havik, and each episode brings you the insightful discussions on the personal development, mental wellness, health and lots more. So together, we will delve deep into the wisdom and the experiences of our guests expert guests offering you the practical advice and the inspiration to enhance your life. So why do we? Let's write the waves of knowledge and the transformation. But before we do that, I will quickly introduce you to all of our exceptional guests. We'll start with robert robert j hunt. So so, dear listeners, robert is also known as the accountability guy, so he's also co-authoring the book Nobody Cares Until you Do so. He is a seasoned business owner in the Dallas and has been an executive coach since 2013 and running a CEO groups in DFW. So, with a passion for helping the leaders reach their goals by removing the obstacles that hinder their best performance, robert brings a wealth of experience and the wisdom to our discussion today. For sure you will definitely love it and get ready for an engaging and fun conversation with him also. On the other hand, we have holly holly potter. So, uh, I just want to mention like she is an international speaker and creator of 11 startup companies. So, uh, she is a best-selling seasoned philanthropist and the true survivor. So, after a kind of harrowing 70-day battle with COVID-19, she emerged with unwavering determination, I would say so, becoming a beacon of resilience, of resilience. So she leads a non-profit dedicated to aiding the long covered community and it continues to inspire the countless lives with her, uh, infectious joy and the uplifting spirit. So, uh, paul is a legacy venture, a tech sas company in the retreat industry, showcases her commitment to the wellness and making a positive impact. So we'll also dive deep into her incredible journey and the insight shortly.

Speaker 2: 3:53

We'll quickly introduce you to Dr Emily Wilson. She is a naturopathic doctor, acupuncturist, author and other so congratulations. And so, specializing in women's cardiometabolic and hormone health, she faced her own challenges after a traumatic childbirth in late 2022. So which led her to write the book Post USD the essential guide to creating your postpartum self-care plan in the future. So her mission is very clear is to empower the new parents to have the best postpartum experience possible. So, with her expertise and in the personal journey, dr Wilson offers invaluable guidance for expecting parents. So we are thrilled to have her today with us and we'll have lots of discussion today in our topic.

Speaker 2: 4:57

So next we have Shara. So Shara is a consultant in the defense contracting industry, survivor author and advocate for the victims of intimate partner violence IPV. So her memoir details her journey through a destructive marriage, ptsd and her path to finding her voice and helping others. So, passionate about financial and economic abuse awareness, her story is definitely a testament to the resilience and the strength I would say, and today she's here to share her insights and the experiences, offering hope and the guidance for those facing those similar kind of challenges for those facing those similar kind of challenges. So we are honored to have her on the show today and we'll definitely have lots more discussion on this.

Speaker 2: 5:51

We'll quickly also introduce Rachel, rachel Fredman. So Rachel is MSWPWERYT500 and the founder of Somatic Coach School. So she helps with the the high functioning anxiety break free through the somatic healing, and trains therapists, coaches and the healers to integrate these skills into their practice. So, with over like 25 years in the wellness industry, her expertise in the yoga, somatics and the mindset transformation has changed countless lives. So her journey from high functioning anxiety to self-empowerment is truly, truly inspiring, I would say so. We'll definitely dive into the power of somatics with rachel very soon.

Speaker 2: 6:40

And also, uh, we have logan, logan afford. So he is Alaskan husband, father of four and the former sex addict. So his journey from addiction to recovery through faith and God's intervention is nothing short of inspiring, or I would say miraculous. God's intervention is nothing short of inspiring, or I would say miraculous. So now, leading the recovery group with his wife, his mission is to share his story and help others overcome similar kind of struggles. So his transformation from a life of sexual depravity to one of the fulfillment and purpose is definitely the testament to the resilience and the faith. So we are excited to hear his powerful story as well.

Speaker 2: 7:30

So with this I know it's it's a long, long, uh introduction, but it's it's, it really matters because it's um, it's, it's always, uh, always important to understand how they have gone through and their experiences and because of their experiences and how they have, I mean, made those times, so that they are here right now and it's a learning. I would say so it's required and definitely a learning. I would say so it's, it's required and definitely welcome to the show again, everyone thank you and logan wentz for having the largest drinking container on the show today.

Speaker 3: 8:14

You're not wrong. This little puny one looks like a joke I shouldn't even have. Oh, and my son comes through with this bad boy there we go lovely, lovely, that's good.

Speaker 2: 8:29

So, um so, as uh, as we already uh mentioned, like, we'll be talking about the daily habits, discipline, accountability, personal development, mental wellness. So, uh, we'll quickly start with. So this, this is for all of you, I mean, um, so what, according to you, uh was the defining moment that uh set you on your current path in your career, or, uh, the personal journey, like, so, let's start with um rachel sure, yeah.

Speaker 4: 9:03

So what was the defining moment? I can't say there was a defining moment. I think for me it's been more of a collection of moments over time, of even when you don't feel like doing something, you do it anyway. It's one of the greatest things that I think yoga has taught me is the art of discipline and that you know it's actually easier in a lot of ways to hit that snooze button and to skip all the things that you know that will fulfill you. But you got to get to the place and I don't know some people call it rock bottom, right, I know, in the addiction world but it's that place where you start to actually realize that, yes, the easier thing in that moment is hit snooze, but it's not actually the easier thing, because what's actually supports me is, for me, for example, is getting up every morning. Supports me is for me, for example, is getting up every morning meditating, doing some form of movement for my body and then doing what I call self-coaching.

Speaker 4: 10:10

Some people call it journaling, thought work, whatever you want to call it and I think for me, one of the I would say over time, what I can look back and say defining moments where I was realizing it didn't have to be all long, right, like it could be five minutes of each thing. If that's all I had that morning, I've got. Well, not, they're not small kids anymore, but when I started this journey about 20 years ago, my son just turned 20, you know, they were little um and very needy. Now, unfortunately, I wish they were needy, as they don't seem to me anymore, but it's yeah. I think, like I don't know if there's a defining moment. I think that you know there's moments that add up, that then impact the journey, and then we fall out of it, we get back in it, and that's that's that's the work. Right Is being kind with yourself as you fall off the bandwagon and not beating yourself up, and that's a lot of the work I do is helping unshame, the shame that we might carry around not following through for ourselves.

Speaker 3: 11:15

Lovely. Do we get to ask questions along this Exactly? That was a question, so I guess we do. Do you think that women have more of a potential to feel guilty about stuff than men will?

Speaker 4: 11:31

Personally, I think women are more vocal about it, but I don't necessarily think women have. I think women hold just as much shame as men. I don't work with as many men, but I have been married to more than one man. I can say that I just think women tend to be more vocal and verbal about it. But I think men tend to bottle it up more, and I think it's also why certain we can call them diseases, or diseases are more prevalent in certain populations, because what we're holding on to that's just my opinion, though. No, that makes sense.

Speaker 6: 12:14

Couldn't agree more.

Speaker 2: 12:14

Okay, so I'll come to Holly.

Speaker 7: 12:23

Yeah, the defining moment for me is very clear. Uh, when I was in my coma in 2021, one of my 70 days stay, I I really prayed to die. If this is how it's going to be, I'm miserable. This is not fun. I like fun and if you're not going to get me better, god's my higher power for whatever it is for anybody else. But my prayer was if you're not going to get me better, get me out of here.

Speaker 7: 12:52

And I had many out-of-body experiences. I had a near-death experience and a spiritual transformational experience. So that defining moment was this actual spiritual transformational experience, because I was told a couple things to start the nonprofit I was told on my SaaS company, also to partner with this company that was backed by a billionaire at the time, and I was like, am I even going to live? And that's when I had this experience where I knew at that moment that I would live and that's all I needed to know. And the mantra said was fight. And I don't even like the word fight, but it just told me that, okay, I got it, this is it. And that was that defining moment when I knew it was going to be a long journey but I'd get there and eventually, what I was told to do by God in my coma, I did or I'm doing. I should say I did and I'm doing awesome.

Speaker 3: 13:50

That's cool.

Speaker 3: 13:54

So, Robert, you want to say yeah, there's been all kinds of defining moments in my life throughout my journey. Uh, I think the thing I would focus on today would be when I decided that I needed to sell my house and get out of debt and start over. We had allowed ourselves to get so heavy into debt. It was affecting our joy, our marriage. We were angry at God, we were angry at each other. It was just a really tough time and we had tried for years to fix the problem and it just got worse every year, and so we just decided in 2019 that if we couldn't fix it this year, we'll sell the house and start over, and all year long I'm like, okay, god, pull this out of your bag and let's fix these problems.

Speaker 3: 14:40

I have $90,000 in debt and there was no way, even if I had a rocking year, I was going to pay off $90,000 in debt and I got COVID. Not COVID, I got what's that word? Vertigo. I was going to say dementia, but that's clear. I already have that.

Speaker 3: 14:56

I had vertigo for 16 days and I was so sick and I remember halfway through it going I'm going to vertigo the rest of my life and I owe $90,000. We're going to live on the street. This is horrible. Well, god took it away after the 16th day, and that's when I turned to my beautiful wife, kathy, and I said that's it. We got to do it, we got to pull the trigger now. And so we put our house in.

Speaker 3: 15:26

A month later, when we got the money, we paid off everything we owed and we were debt free. And the peace that I got in my life by removing the thing that was holding me back and by not being a victim anymore, but owning my journey and owning my responsibility, it freed me up to look at all other areas of my life. And that was the turning point for me in having a life of accountability where I looked at hey, you're fat. Hey, your marriage isn't working good. Hey, you're not being the dad you want to be, you're not even being the friend you want to be. And I started looking at everything and I owned my journey, and that discipline and that mindset has carried with me since 2020.

Speaker 2: 16:00

Lovely, great Great.

Speaker 5: 16:11

So I'll come to sarah. Yeah, um, I think, like everyone else, there's been multiple defining moments, um, that have kind of led me to where I am right now. Um, I mean from the mental health aspect, right, um, you know, I was very shortly out of getting out of my relationship, had been homeless for a little while, finally got myself into a place to live, and then my mental health just started declining and, you know, waking up in the middle of the night one night, just ready to to just end it all, and remembering that my employer passed out an EAP flyer the day before calling a crisis line and getting into therapy, where, for the first time I ever heard really the term domestic violence, when I started talking and telling my story, I really didn't even recognize that, you know. I mean, even though you know, you know there was both physical and psychological abuse involved, but not really recognizing that you know he was anything but mean and so that was like a, that was a big moment for me, that like okay, so I didn't do things wrong to bring myself to this place and that just kept me going. I was in the middle of grad school at the time. I was ready to drop out and head home and I was like nope, you can do this, pull the bootstraps up and keep going. So I did, and then that kind of led me to the career I'm in now in defense contracting.

Speaker 5: 17:50

And then I read an article that someone posted on LinkedIn and it was all about my ex-husband, you know. Unfortunately he did die by suicide and he had committed some crimes beforehand. And this person wrote this article and, long story short, it was time to take back my story. I was tired of allowing other people to tell the narrative of who he was. I just kind of left and hid. I was in hiding for years and I was now free and I could tell the story and take back the narrative. And so that's when I wrote the book, stronger Than that, to just kind of share my story.

Speaker 5: 18:34

And I'm also a faith-based person. And so I've just kind of followed the instincts, that inner voice that's like, okay, should I write the book? Yes, you should. Okay, I wrote the book now. Now, what do I do?

Speaker 5: 18:47

And, um, still trying to understand and reconcile right, like, what was the purpose of what I survived for six years, what I went through, why? Why did that happen? Um, and just continuing to follow and walk through the doors as they opened really has been what served me really well. So I ended up hearing, comfort, those with the comfort by which you were comforted, and I was like that's it, that's my purpose. You know I survived something and now know I, and just like you, all, are doing right. We're using the steps and the things that we learned to comfort ourselves and to get to the other side, to give that to other people and hopefully they don't have to go through exactly what we did. Maybe we can save them some time or something like that. So now I'm, you know, involved in a lot of advocacy work, and financial and economic abuse was a very big part of my story. So I volunteer time to work with women, teaching finances, teaching people to recover from financial and economic abuse, and, yeah, that's really what's led me to where I am right now.

Speaker 2: 20:02

Awesome Emily.

Speaker 6: 20:08

So for me, I can, on one hand, I do have a very specific moment of when everything changed for me and, on the other hand, I can echo what Rachel was talking about, with change being a series of moments and steps and choices in our lives. But my daughter was born on October 6, 2022, at 2.12 in the afternoon. I'll never forget it, even though I was like somewhere else, she was, we were, we had a home birth and I, moments after she was born, I started to hemorrhage and I was completely in love with this creature that had just arrived on the planet and everybody in the room was so focused on me, right, and I remember just being so elated that she was here and that I was able to connect with her, and being also aware that everyone else in the room was so worried that I was going to die that day, and I'm so grateful that the paramedics they arrived so quickly. I was loaded up into the ambulance at 2.37. So she was born at 2.12, 2.37,. I was being put into the ambulance, so super quick turnaround, thank God, and they were able to get the bleeding stopped at the hospital, and the reason I share that story and say it's kind of that was definitely a defining moment for me is that you know, I came from this experience of having had a beautiful pregnancy and you know, when I was a kid and an adolescent, I definitely went through my own struggles with depression and anxiety big time.

Speaker 6: 21:52

I learned some unhealthy ways of dealing with them. Then I became a naturopathic doctor and I learned some healthier ways of dealing with them, and so then I got pregnant when I was 42 and I I had this really wonderful pregnancy, and so I was, in a way, completely unprepared for this experience of um postpartum, and for me, thank goodness, my experience with my physical health was okay. I was able to recover relatively well from the anemia and the hemorrhage, but, um, what absolutely floored me was the depression and the hemorrhage, but what absolutely floored me was the depression and the anxiety that just came back full force. But I didn't know I was supposed to pack my toolbox before I gave birth, and so I felt really empty because I was just trying to figure out how to be a mom, and even though I had an amazing community of family around me, I didn't know how to contact them or reach out to them or ask for help or ask for support, and so I felt myself just really, really isolating and not even recognizing the signs that were there. That that signaled pretty serious mental health struggles, pretty serious depression and pretty serious anxiety.

Speaker 6: 23:04

And thank God, I had happened to reschedule my primary care appointment. I was supposed to see my primary care doctor the week before my daughter was born and I, for whatever reason, rescheduled six weeks after her birth or six months after her birth, and at that time they happened to do a depression assessment and I scored really, really high and they flagged it and they absolutely had a conversation with me and that's when I realized, like this isn't how I'm supposed to feel. This isn't just my life now, I'm not just a shell of myself. I actually have, you know, serious imbalances that I need to address. I have zero medication stigma.

Speaker 6: 23:47

I think that the best tool for the individual is the best tool and the tool that should be used, because what we need to do is we need to save lives first and foremost, and for me, as a naturopathic doctor, I really felt called to try to improve my mental health from a diet and lifestyle-based perspective, using nutraceuticals, supplements, herbal therapies, diet and lifestyle as much as possible before trying medication, and so that was my again, to kind of echo what Rachel was talking about.

Speaker 6: 24:17

You know the moments and the choices that I made. You know it wasn't like in a decision, in a second, I made a choice to take medication. No, I had to take a very different path, one which would require me to, every single day, be self accountable, be accountable for how I felt, make decisions about what I was and was not going to put into my body and how I was going to treat myself. So that was my transformational moment and the beginning of a journey that I am definitely still on and will be on, I think, for the rest of my life. That's cool, thank you.

Speaker 2: 24:59

That was wild.

Speaker 6: 24:59

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 25:03

So a couple moments stand out for me, uh, the first moment, I mean, I think about it in terms of the series of landmarks that god put in my life, uh, and in my family's life. So after, I can't help but see sort of a mirror image as sarah was sharing her story. It was almost exactly six years from the time that I first cheated on my wife, before we were married, and spent several more years constantly being unfaithful through pornography, through affairs, prostitutes, and completely had this double life and this whole system of living with just this incredibly destructive infrastructure, and, at the same time, feeling completely trapped in that and feeling like I don't know a different way to live other than to be this terrible predator, this terrible dad and husband and all of this. And so, july of 2015, my wife did something that she'd never done before and she gave me an ultimatum, and you know, at that moment it was the first time that I got that glimpse into okay, if I don't make serious changes, I will for sure not speculatively I will for sure lose my wife and I will lose my kids, and that scared me. I'd already completely given up hope of having a good life or anything like that, but if I could hang on to my wife and kids. I wanted to try, and so I did get into serious recovery almost a year later, when I finally got sober, finally started to get traction May 19th 2016. But I've been in active recovery since for the past eight plus years.

Speaker 1: 26:53

And then the second moment. You know, the first several years in recovery was primarily focused on myself and getting healthy, learning how to be a healthy person, how to um interact with the world around me in a healthy way. And then and there was a little bit of stagnation there Like, okay, like I'm, I'm I'm not acting out, I'm not, you know, doing the bad things. But there was a little bit of of stagnation. And my mentor, uh, who is, I mean, one of the most precious people on earth to me, he's like a dad. To me, he's my best friend outside of my wife. He and his wife, who mentored my wife through sexual betrayal trauma so incredibly special couple in our lives. They moved away and we're up here in Alaska. When somebody moves from Alaska, it kind of feels like there's a death, because there's a very real chance that, like, like you won't see that person again if they, if they move away. You know it's, it's like I'm kind of like living in a different country, um, and so they moved away.

Speaker 1: 27:51

And when that happened, it was just this moment of realization, like, okay, number one, rick, my mentor, rick, he can't be my conduit to recovery, he can't be my tether to recovery, to healthy living, living, to God. All of this, and then also just from a practical standpoint, um, you know there was this obvious gap of I needed to step in and now lead this recovery group that Rick had been leading. You know these, these men, um, and then there's a. There was a man specifically that was entering the program, just like I had done several years before. So then I went on to walk with him for the next two plus years and that was a huge shift, recognizing, okay, like God gave me recovery and that has provided so much healing for myself, it's provided so much healing for my family.

Speaker 1: 28:39

But this was this next shift of okay, but I've got to seriously focus on who else can I give back to, how can I reach out to other men? And, and to be honest, just this year, um has been a whole other shift of that in terms of going on podcasts and doing Instagram just to to to try to give hope to anyone that might be in my shoes, cause I will tell you, I mean I, you know, for me as a as a young, you know, early mid twenties dad who had done the things I'd done for years. I knew other people had done those things. I didn't think that there was a human on earth who had done those things and experienced healing, who had been able to have their life transformed and to be able to be a dad and a husband who could look in the mirror and be okay with what they saw. So whatever I can do to try to give back, you know, to other men that might be in those shoes, that's my mission. That's awesome.

Speaker 3: 29:34

That's awesome, thank you for your candor, logan.

Speaker 2: 29:39

That's really great. So thanks everyone for sharing this. It's really really important and, uh, yeah, like it's, there's a lot to learn. That that is the main reason I was also mentioning, uh, while, uh, we started that it's very important to understand and learn from the experiences. Uh, for me also, like, quickly, I will share, like, uh, that that moment was kind of self-discovery or kind of, you can say, vulnerability also, that not only set me for a new career path, but also it ignited me with a passion for helping others to lead a healthier, healthier, more fulfilling life, push people for more, getting more, giving them more motivation. So it actually helped me. So it definitely taught me that sometimes our greatest struggles can definitely pave the way for more of those profound transformations. So it's really important, it's very important, I believe.

Speaker 2: 30:43

So thank you so much for sharing all your experiences. So also, like, so we are talking about this thing. So it's also very important to understand, like, what are the daily habits or maybe the routines that you consider essential for your personal development, mental wellness. So what do you suggest? I mean, what do you say? So we'll start with Robert.

Speaker 3: 31:14

Well, you know, before you can chase any habits, you have to know why you want to have the habit, and we talk about that when the pain of where you are is worse than the pain of where you're going to go. You'll change. And Kathy and I for years thought well, next year we'll get it figured out, and next year my business will take off, and next year I'll lose weight, just whatever thing. You just kick it down the road and we think no one else is suffering like this and we feel weird about it. We don't want to own it. So there's that's why I was asking Rachel about. You know how do guys see things versus women? And and I think at some point, when you decide that you want something bad enough, that you'll change.

Speaker 3: 32:01

So I think the first step is just really to take some time and look at your life and say what do I want it to look like? In the book we put a satisfaction assessment because we want people to start right off the bat. What is your life, what is your business like? Are you satisfied? And if you're not, what do you want to do about it? But we don't take the time, we just kind of get used to it. It's like the frog in the water, where it slowly is turned up and then it cooks to death in the water and we, bit by bit, go well, I only owe $2,000. Well, I only owe $10,000. Well, I owe $50,000. It's just little, bit by bit. So I think the first place is to really stop and evaluate what does your life look like today, what do you wish it would look like and what are you willing to do to get it there? That's really lovely, and what are you willing to do to get it there?

Speaker 2: 32:43

Yeah, that's really lovely. You're saying something, logan, you're saying something.

Speaker 1: 32:48

Oh, I was just agreeing with what he said.

Speaker 2: 32:53

I'm eating it up Great, great, lovely.

Speaker 5: 32:56

So, sarah, if you can say yeah, so, for me, writing and taking notes, journaling, however it happens, has always been really really helpful to me.

Speaker 5: 33:14

You know, I received a PTSD diagnosis years ago and I've always had these moments where anxiety hits right, something triggers something and I don't necessarily know what in this moment is causing me anxiety, anxiety or causing me to feel, like you know, dread, like something's coming, and so when I started writing the book, I was able to reintegrate a lot of my disassociated memories from, you know, the abuse, and I found that writing things down and I did this even in grad school, right, like I always took handwritten notes something about having a pen in your hand and physically writing just helped it like sink into my, um, my, like my cellular memory, right, like my, my body absorbs it better, um, so for me, writing has been really really helpful.

Speaker 5: 34:09

Um, it helps, you know, bring up memories, Um, I like to connect with, helps, you know, bring up memories I like to connect with. You know, three physical things I'm feeling right now, three things that I see in my, in my environment, three things that I'm feeling and I just, I don't know I write everything down. I mean, I've got like a notebook here and a notebook there, they're everywhere. So I'm always just writing down my thoughts and you know kind of what Robert was saying is you know, knowing where you're going, right, like what, not just I want to feel better, but you know how do you want to feel better, what's going to get you feeling better? And so I always have like lists and goals and things like that written down. So, yeah, writing has been really helpful for me.

Speaker 3: 34:59

I like that term disassociated memories. I've not heard that before. We just finished reading a book called Live no Lies and it was talking about how there are disassociated lies that come at us and I think there's disassociated memories and that's a really cool. That's a cool word.

Speaker 5: 35:13

Yeah, I mean, it's really something your body does automatically, right, as a form of self-preservation and protection. You know things that I like in the moment you're like I will never forget that this happened. And then, in the journey of writing my book, I worked with a writing coach and I would write down a story and send it to her and she would come back and ask me questions and I would be like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I just remembered something, that that happened, that I and that's a whole nother, that's a whole nother topic of conversation, because that led to imposter syndrome. Well, if I forgot it, did it really happen? There was, there was.

Speaker 5: 36:00

The writing process was a crazy journey for me, but yeah, and then there is. I'm not. Maybe one of the people who have a mental health background knows, but there is an actual form of therapy that I kind of self-discovered, of writing down and reintegrating the memories and then being able to process the trauma triggers. So I was able to realize, oh, it's because there's a dirty dish in the sink right now, and in my previous relationship that meant punishment was coming and so being able to be like okay, that's what triggered it. Now let me talk about my therapist with it and let's let's you know, deal with this. Yeah, so.

Speaker 3: 36:31

Wow, sarah, you're so cool, that is so cool.

Speaker 4: 36:35

Yeah, the body stores it. So if you know, for example, there was a dirty dish and you used to get yelled at or beaten for it, that's a really powerful way. And then move, actually move it to a really powerful way to actually heal parts of ourselves that we, as you said, have disassociated from.

Speaker 5: 37:00

Yeah, no, I was just going to say I love that you said that, because when I talk to people about PTSD and they talk about trauma triggers and people who maybe have an experience don't understand it. The example that I use is if somebody comes over near you and they lift their hand above your head, your body instinctually ducks. Okay, there was no narrative process that your body went through. It didn't say hand above head, the shadow must duck, the hit is coming. Your body just instinctually protects you, and so that's an example of that kind of cellular memory where once upon a time, probably when you were a toddler in the nursery, right Like another kid came over and bonked you on the head and your body ever since has just known like, when that happens, I protect you and I do these things, and so being able to recognize that and help retrain your body that you're safe, I'm in charge, now I've got you, you're safe, yeah.

Speaker 2: 37:57

Lovely, that's great, so Emily want to share.

Speaker 6: 38:07

Sure, I would say for me that I have a bit of a morning ritual as far as, like my non-negotiables, what makes me feel better on a day-to-day basis, and my every morning ritual, or maybe let's say like six, six mornings a week, realistically, but, um, I will wake up early, I will do a journaling exercise because I have found I I just want to take a moment to and really honor your journey, sarah, and thank you for sharing your experience, because I think that, um, like how powerful it is that if that you could bring some conscious awareness to that and now you can share it with other people. I think a lot of people are probably in a situation where they feel trapped, but they they don't, they're not even conscious of it, and you know, a simple act like writing to become more self-aware, I think is so powerful and, um, that's why I've kind of made a commitment to myself to engage in that every single morning, even if it's for two minutes sometimes it's 20, sometimes it two and then I do a quick meditation and then I always try to move my body in the morning. Those are three non-negotiables. Lots and lots of water, so maybe four non-negotiables, but this term has been in the forefront of my experience lately, in the forefront of my experience lately, metacognition, and I I think that I'm using that journaling to just practice metacognition If you're not aware of, familiar with it. Basically it means becoming aware of what you're thinking about, or thinking about what you're thinking about. So if we can become aware of the thoughts that just kind of like live in our minds or pass through our minds, there's this potential for so much, such increased self-awareness. Almost like you know that trauma trigger, right, like we can have an instinctual reaction to something. It does not go through our conscious brain, it goes through that subconscious survival center, right, and to bring it to our conscious. The conscious part of our brain provides so much self-awareness. So much for me.

Speaker 6: 40:22

Richness, because I am somebody who I love story, I love meaning, I love attributing meaning to things, because it really helps me become more conscious about the decisions and the choices I'm going to make on a daily basis. And sometimes it's really hard. You know I get, I have my, I have my frustrations, my triggers. You know I'm a full-time, I have a full-time job, I have a full-time business, I have a full-time toddler now and I'm also a single mom. So so I I do feel a bit overwhelmed pretty much every day, at least once or twice, or 10 times.

Speaker 6: 40:56

I have that experience, but it's it's about. Okay, this is my life and I have a choice about how I'm going to respond to this and at the end of the day, I know I want to be an amazing mom. I know I want to be an amazing person, business person, but an amazing human for other people and just try and help as many people as possible. And I don't get to be that person and also have that instinctual, maybe less than ideal reaction. So the self-reflection piece again everything for me. I like that.

Speaker 2: 41:28

So, logan, what do you think for me, I like that, okay. So, logan, what do you think?

Speaker 1: 41:34

Yeah, the the piece for me that it's not a routine in the sense of or it's not a routine, I guess, because it's not something that I do at the same, like moment or time of day, but it's something that's part of my infrastructure multiple times every day, is, um, so, accountability, robert, love it. Uh, it is a it's like a hot buzzword, but like, what does it actually mean? Right, because it can be kind of vague and nebulous, I think, sometimes the way people use the word accountability, so one of the ways that just a very tangible, concrete example of what it looks like for me, because I, accountability has been, you know, the most crucial piece from a practical perspective to how I've been able to, you know, go through recovery and rewire my brain and change my habits and change how I, how I, interact with the world around me, and I don't ever want to be in a place where I don't have hardcore accountability. Um, and you know, like, and I'm always like, sometimes I'll explain to people, especially outside of recovery, like it's. It's not a question Like, do I need it? Do I need it now as much as it is? Like, that's not, that's not the question.

Speaker 1: 42:52

The question is do I want to be in a place where I don't have people that know all my stuff, that can speak into my life, that can hold up a mirror, and no, I don't ever want to be in a place with in my life where I don't have at least a couple of guys that know my story in all its depths, that know my current struggles and exactly what my stressors are, exactly what my triggers are, all that stuff, and have full permission to speak into my life and it it's almost never giving me, um, direct advice. I'm like Logan, you need to do this, you need to do that. Sometimes they have permission to give me advice, right, but but it's it's. It's holding up a mirror, it's asking questions. You know, like there's two guys in particular, that I text these two other mentors daily. All three of us dump stuff into this text thread and sometimes it's a temptation or something that's really on the nose for recovery, but most of it's hey, my septic's his brother and I yelled at him, or I want to yell, or I got in an argument with Carrie, like just life stress, right, but just this dumping ground where it's like it's in a controlled environment and I can get feedback and I can and they know what I'm going through, and they have again full permission to poke me in the gut and call me out if need be. Love me, encourage me. All of that permission to, you know, poke me in the gut and and call me out if need be. Love me, encourage me, all of that.

Speaker 1: 44:13

But it's, it's part of this daily infrastructure. Um, yeah, it's. It scares the crap out of me, the the idea that if I were to ever be in a spot where I didn't have that not necessarily that, oh, I would go back to my addiction, but's like, what kind of a dad would I be, what kind of a husband would I be, if I didn't have people that had full permission to call me out? Right, I don't ever want that. So I again, that's. It's maybe less of a routine, but it's, it's. It's a. It's definitely it's a behavioral thing, but yeah, it's part of my daily infrastructure, for sure.

Speaker 3: 44:49

And we always say that nobody can hold anyone accountable. So you could have an accountability buddy and you could totally lie to them. And even if you say, look, hey, you can check my phone here, you have access to my internet, you could use another one, you could have a hidden computer. I mean, if we're smart enough, we can ruin ourselves somehow. So at the end of the day, nobody's going to hold us accountable. It's really up to us.

Speaker 3: 45:09

But when you surround yourself with people who love you and care for you, you are more likely to be the person you want to be. And when Sarah sees a trigger and all of a sudden she's like okay, I got this, what's the first thing I want to do? I don't need someone to fix it for me, but I do like when someone cares enough about me to maybe pray with me or just remind me they love me. It's just another little data point in the journey of keeping the boat steady. I think it's cool that you are vulnerable with other people. Just never lose the reminder that they'll never be able to keep you safe. It's always going to be your deal. Find new ways to constantly create new ways of accountability for yourself, independent of anybody else, because they'll never hold you accountable enough to keep you safe well, just one piece, if I just cheat a little bit and just add on one, one more piece to it.

Speaker 1: 45:59

I, I always, I think of this exoskeleton that, like my not just my addiction, but just my overall way of being for so many years, it built up this exoskeleton right and it and yeah in, in a dark, depraved way it sort of served me and sort of protected me, but it was also just it was. It wasn't that I liked it, it wasn't that I enjoyed it, it was, this was who I was. And so recovery, first and foremost, was stripping away that exoskeleton which freaking hurt right, which was. It was not fun, it was not quick, it was not easy, and I mean this is my personal belief is every single day, multiple times, every single day, often, I've got to continually rip away because that exoskeleton is going to grow back If I don't.

Speaker 1: 46:42

It's. It's not a passive thing, it's going to grow back unless I'm actively like ripping it away. I've got to to rip it away, and that's that's pride, that's ego. Like ripping it away, I've got to to rip it away, and that's that's pride, that's ego, that's selfish thoughts in just you know, choosing the selfish way, choosing to give it a temptation, choosing to yell at my kids, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna make those choices Sometimes, like I'm. I'm obviously not perfect, but every single time I can own it, I can confess that, I can apologize. And you know, each time it's like I get I'm ripping off. Before it grows another layer, I can rip it off and I don't ever have to let the exoskeleton grow back. Good word.

Speaker 6: 47:21

Yeah, powerful metaphor. Thank you, Logan, for sharing your story, because I think that maybe there aren't a lot of people talking about journeys like yours at this point, especially you know providing men the support that they need here, so I'm not hearing about it. So thank you.

Speaker 3: 47:40

I'm not either, so good job, dude.

Speaker 2: 47:43

Yeah, exactly Great Logan. So welcome to Holi.

Speaker 7: 47:50

Yeah, well, first I want to thank everybody for being vulnerable and sharing your really the reasons why you have your, why right? Everybody has got a story and I love how everybody's empowered themselves to tell their story and and make change in the world. Rituals for me has looked different in the last couple of years because of help. I have long COVID now and I was perfectly healthy before all this happened. So everything changed and my self-care became my health care and some people say, well, you still need your self-care, but to me, self-care it's the same to me, just because I can't, it's still for myself. It takes an hour and a half Every other day I get in my hyperbaric.

Speaker 7: 48:35

I used to do every day and I had a miracle story where I was able to have one in my home. So since I have a lung disease, now I get in there and I know it's saving my lungs because they haven't gotten worse in two and a half years. So I'm grateful. We just get up every day and and keep doing what we can. The exercise looks different. My recent thing is a vibration plate and that's really helping my nervous system and everything. I've learned how to do my weights on it and sit on it. Anyway, it literally shakes things up and I like that. So those are the kind of things but I think I do personality profiling and have for years.

Speaker 7: 49:14

I'm really fascinated with it and I think when you really, if you've never taken a test we probably all have but if you haven't, maybe figure out like what makes you tick, why do you do the things the way you do, you understand you first of all. It's a little easier to understand and have the patience with other people and understand why they're doing things the way they do. Right Takes the judgment out of it. Stephen Covey, his book, talks about go into things with the end in mind, and so I always tend to create something big and then go back and figure it all out. Right, and that's just how life is. But knowing you have that end result, knowing you have that big, why are you doing things, what is your dream and working towards those, make those rituals every day more doable to me when you have that reason of what you're working towards and it sounds like all of you do and I love that. So thank you.

Speaker 2: 50:10

That's lovely. That's really lovely and uh, I mean it's a really uh great thing. After the COVID thing, you are doing this, uh, the way it's and all it's really really a great part. I would say so, it's really really great.

Speaker 4: 50:25

I'd say yeah, so uh, so uh um, yeah, I think that, um, for me, um, I do have my rituals or my morning routine, but I think more than that. It's um two things one compassion, self-compassion, because I think. Compassion because I think you know it's really easy Really, anyone can create a goal or an account or like a ritual, or say a non-negotiable. But to stay to it, to them, and be consistent and dedicated to it, I think requires a lot of compassion, because it's very easy to set it. It's not very easy to stick with it, because that's just not how our brains are wired. Our brains are actually wired to use as little energy as possible. They're really wired for survival and that doesn't really go in line with, for example, a lot of the rituals that we'll create.

Speaker 4: 51:27

So I think, when you can be compassionate with yourself along the way, like you know, okay, so I missed my meditation this morning. I know it helps me, but I missed it, okay, well, I'll do it. I'll start again tomorrow and not beat ourselves up, because it's when we start to beat ourselves up that it makes it really hard to stay accountable. It's really hard to be on this path of taking care of yourself, and I think when we're not being compassionate with ourselves, we're likely also not as compassionate with other people. So I think, like the root of all of it is, yeah, know yourself, you know, got to have awareness first. I always say that, similar to what Robert said, like got to know where you're going, right, what you want, you know. But you got to have compassion and you got to have curiosity. So like you might decide, oh, I'm going to be, my rituals are going to be, I think, movement and writing, for example, or whatever. Well, maybe that works for a while and then all of a sudden it's just not fulfilling you as much. Be a scientist and try on something else.

Speaker 4: 52:28

I think we can get really rigid with all of this and instead, when you can keep the mind of like a scientist, that we're always evolving, we're always changing that and with that idea of compassion, it's just so much easier to integrate this into your life, and I think that so often it's it's really easy to shame ourselves that we're failing even at our non-negotiables or whatever, and I mean this morning, for example. Meditation has been a huge part of my life for the last what 15, 20 years, and I know it helps me. It doesn't really do much while I'm doing it in full honesty, but I know it has helped my nervous system dramatically. My anxiety is next to none now and I know it has helped my nervous system dramatically. My anxiety is next to none now and I think that's a huge part of it. But I could beat myself up for not doing it this morning. I can be like you know what, it's okay. Okay, I'm going to get back to it tomorrow because I know it supports me.

Speaker 5: 53:24

I love the idea of being a scientist, though, because we go on and listen to podcasts, we influencers and we get ideas right for what my morning ritual should be like that, what the 10 habits of highly successful people, but their habits may not be the habits that work for you, so I love the idea of try it, and if it's not your thing, um, experiment, try, try something else until you find what is your thing.

Speaker 4: 53:52

And maybe it won't be your thing at this period in your life, right, like you know, emily's probably not going to be meditating 20 minutes twice a day with a toddler let's be real and a business and a full-time job. But you know, when she has her toddler becomes 20, like mine, maybe it will be.

Speaker 1: 54:13

You know, we have different phases, so yeah, I mean honestly, with what makes me think of just how, with that text that I, that I'm talked about earlier, I mean a big thing. That again, this is how, for me, this is how I operate and it speaks to your idea of, you know, being a scientist. Yeah, I like that term, never, never heard that term used. That way is I will frequently put something out there to the guys. Again, this is, this is so far outside of sexual addiction recovery, but it's life is like okay, here's this thing going on, like I using my phone and and being like addicted to my phone and just being on it too much, and so I put it out there.

Speaker 1: 54:49

I'm like, hey, I recognize this as an issue, recognize this as a problem. I don't yet know exactly what correctives I'm going to implement, I don't know exactly what boundaries I'm in, like I don't know, but I'm putting it out there right now. I recognize the problem and I will be intentional to work on it and of course I have to. You know, to Robert's point, I've actually followed through with that Right. But follow through with that Right, I got it. But you know, just, instead of you know, cause I can be a perfectionist, like probably a lot of us and so like, okay, I got to have the perfect tools to attack this. It's like, well, maybe one day, but right now let me just start and do something and try to get some traction and just pay attention to it. So I give myself permission to experiment lots of ways.

Speaker 5: 55:35

I will say Emily will totally understand this, because we're both in the same season of toddlerhood. My daughter just turned two. But, like when I get the urge to like, oh, why is she doing this? And I tell myself the same thing oh, she's a little scientist right now. She knocked that over because she's learning the laws of gravity. She's trying to figure out how this works. She's not intentionally destroying my house right now, right, she's just, she's a scientist. She's learning how life works around her. So I I just love that idea of being scientists for everything.

Speaker 4: 56:08

I try, I really try to apply it to everything. And you know especially I mean I should say especially but in addition in business, right, we're all you know like how can you just be in addition in business, right, we're all you know like how can you just be see everything that you do as just just it's a science experiment? We're always learning and we're just yeah, and you just evaluate, learn, tweak, move on, keep doing it.

Speaker 2: 56:35

Exploration is very much required because because, like, for everyone it's different. So, yeah, definitely, there's habits collectively create those balance and fulfilling routine that definitely supports the metaboleness, for sure. So, um, yeah, and, and it could be, it could be also I love to mention, it could be also simple, like, uh, spending time with yourself, or maybe spending time with your loved ones as well. So that can also be the one. So, yeah, definitely. So, I totally agree with the exploration part, for sure. So we'll also quickly move to this. Like what, motivated? I mean, how do you stay motivated and disciplined in your persuades during those challenging times?

Speaker 3: 57:30

I didn't understand the question.

Speaker 2: 57:32

So I'm saying, like what according to you, or how you stay or feel motivated and disciplined when there are challenging paths, challenging times in your life?

Speaker 4: 57:46

I think it's remembering. It sounds cliche, but the why, why you do these things in the first place.

Speaker 7: 57:53

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5: 57:54

Yeah, 100%. I mean, unfortunately, the work that I do. I deal with a section of people who are at risk and in danger a lot of times and you know it can get scary and daunting. You know texting with a woman across the country who's physically trying to get out of a house right now and just texting and being like, okay, I don't know how you found me, but let's talk through this and make a plan. So I think my why is 100% what keeps me motivated.

Speaker 5: 58:31

I told myself when I wrote my book. The idea was if one person felt like they could also talk now, right, like there's still a lot of shame and stigma around being a victim of domestic violence, and if one more person felt like they could have a conversation or they didn't feel alone, then you know I served my purpose. And unfortunately, in the area where I live right now, we've had a couple incidences with domestic violence offenders, state legislation and legal policy not being on the side of the victim and you know tragedy happening. And so lending my voice again to writing articles and publishing op-eds about you know, like we've we, you know to writing articles and publishing op-eds about you know, like we've we, you know, you know we're a community of people.

Speaker 5: 59:30

You know domestic violence is not an isolated in the household only thing, right, it impacts our, it impacts our global economy. And I could go on about stuff like that for hours, but I feel like I don't really have a choice to stop, and I don't want to. So for me, it's less about finding the motivation, it's about finding the recharging moments, you know. So, doing what I need to do, dealing with the things, and then I'm going to go and watch Bluey with my daughter and we're going to sing every song. Yeah, yeah, everyone with kids knows Bluey.

Speaker 3: 1:00:04

I love Bluey.

Speaker 5: 1:00:05

I love Bluey, yeah, like the one show I can stand watching with her. But you know we'll go, we'll go do those things Right, we're going to go, um, pick the dog for a walk, um, and you know. So really finding the recharge moments really helps keep me going.

Speaker 1: 1:00:20

My wife and I watch Bluey without the kids sometimes.

Speaker 5: 1:00:23

It's sometimes on TV, I don't know why it's like on all the time. Yeah, I'll take it over.

Speaker 7: 1:00:27

Blippi, oh yeah, or Barney, that was what my kids grew up with. Oh geez, I want to piggyback off that Sarah for a second. I think too, it's an exercise that someone taught me was when you're having a moment, you're feeling despair, then think about how long are you going to allow yourself to fill in that moment.

Speaker 3: 1:00:49

So is it. Are you going to?

Speaker 7: 1:00:50

feel like this in two hours, four hours, I mean. We joke saying my husband's like knows you just need that time. It's like huh, I want to go to the movies in three hours. Are you thinking you're? Going to be feeling better in three hours so we can go to the movie. You know, just let it if it's 10 minutes for you, feel all those emotions and then get back on track, right. Whatever that takes for you, if it's a day, it's a day.

Speaker 1: 1:01:23

But whatever works for you, figure it out and feel through it and move on. Yeah, and I'll say, sarah, what you mentioned the idea of it's less about finding the motivation and more about the recharging. That's I mean, you put it into words exactly how I feel, which is and that's not to say that there aren't some days that are more motivating or that I wake up with the more filled cup, or whatever, but it's, this is I need to find a different word, cause the word that always comes to mind is obligation, which has a very negative connotation, I think, but like this is an obligation, it's, it's an honor to have this obligation. In my opinion of I was given this gift that I can either take it for myself and put it under a bushel, or I can give it to other guys that need it. And, and for me, it's, it's, it's. I always think about it.

Speaker 1: 1:02:05

I was, you know, I was trapped in this cave for so many years. God put people in my life that helped me find a way out of that cave, so every day of my life I am walking past, potentially guys stuck in a cave. So you know, and of course, I can't make them come out, but I can at least be like, hey, there is a way out, and I can. I can, I can work with you, I can show you that way out. And I mean to go from you know years laying in bed going God, why did you create me? Why did you put me here, when all I do is hurt people? To now and I say this not out of hubris, but completely from gratitude I know why God put me on the circle. And you're right, the recharging has to happen.

Speaker 1: 1:03:00

And sometimes I feel like I've done a better stakes than others. But every single choice I make, I can either feed old Logan or I can feed healthy Logan, and I and I really do believe like that's. That is reality. And again, sometimes those decisions are very high stakes. Oftentimes they're a little bit lower, but so it's like, yeah, there are times where I feed old Logan, but even then it's like you know and Rachel, you brought this up it's like, okay, but I can get back on the horse and I can own that and recognize yeah, but that's not who I made that choice, but that's not who I am. So what do I need to do? To work on that, correct that and then keep moving forward.

Speaker 5: 1:03:36

Well, I think one of the things that you just said, logan too, about you know it being an honor I've told myself that a lot, too, because we're all people who are out there sharing a story right Because we survived something we so my book is called Stronger Than that, and so we were stronger than something right, whatever that something was, and the fact that you were brave enough to share your story and then someone was like felt that they could reach out to you and confide in you and talk to you about this, like that I'm going through the same thing. Like to me. I'm like, what an honor that, like they trust us with that part of themselves, because you know I'm sure a lot of you have experienced this as well A lot of times like we don't share, we don't talk to people openly about this stuff, so the fact that they chose you to be a part of their journey forward is just such an honor. So that thought also helps motivate.

Speaker 4: 1:04:31

I don't know Logan, if this is helpful, if you want a word to kind of put to it or anyone else, but in yoga we call that your Dharma. So your Dharma is like you're calling your purpose, if you believe in a higher power of God, like why you're here on this earth. So, um, I like to. That word for me really spoke to me as oh, this is my Dharma, this is really my calling.

Speaker 2: 1:04:58

That's true, rachel, I totally agree with you. So all of you, I guess you heard about Gita. Right, I have Rachel, you have, I have, okay, so Gita. So basically, gita is the like you have Bible, so we have Gita, the religious, the book you can say. So it says the Lord Krishna, the Lord Krishna has said the things. It's all mentioned what Lord Krishna has said during the time of Mahabharata, so Mahabharata in India, from where this Gita form has been written and all the words have been said by Lord Krishna. So there are the chapters, and one chapter is Dharma, which actually says what you are here for, what's your purpose and what you should do. So if there is an archer, or maybe there is a king, so for a king, his main aim or main dharma is to rule that area, to fight for their people. So this, actually, I totally agree with you. So it's, yeah, totally agree with you. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 6: 1:06:30

So, emily, I think, to be honest, I'm really going to echo a lot of what's already been said, because when I was thinking about the question that you posed to us, I was realizing that for me, so much of it is not about what. I am somebody who can overwork myself to the bone, and I will lose connection with my sense of purpose or motivation at that point because I just completely collapse and that's just. That has been a pattern for a long time. It's something that I've become more and more aware of over years and years and years, and I've had a whole new relationship with it since having my daughter and then, you know, writing a book and getting back out into my medical practice and work and and rebuilding a business, and realizing for me that sometimes the biggest motivation is just saying I'm going to clear some, I'm going to put some white space out there and I'm going to give myself this gift of nothing to do except enjoying my kid, you know, not getting upset or frustrated when she knocks that vase over, sarah, or you know, and something happens because he's just being a kid and and I think that I want to stay really conscious of the fact that I have this opportunity now to encourage her to have like really healthy, really strong nervous system development, and I do that by being healthy and having a healthy nervous system and healthy mental health, and that's about balance, right. So I have to model that for her and so that is my day-to-day motivation.

Speaker 6: 1:08:10

And I think, on a bigger level, you know, my motivation is having been through the experiences and the struggle that I went through and learning how many women are suffering, and we're just not talking about it enough in the having been through the experiences and the struggle that I went through and learning how many women are suffering and we're just not talking about it enough. In the postpartum and the perinatal period, like I want to help those women who don't know where to turn or who don't have the resources. Maybe they are in a relationship or a situation where they're a sufferer of domestic violence and now they're pregnant and they're trying to figure out a way out. You know I want to be, in whatever way I can, an advocate for women who need me, whether you know, like Holly, it's somebody who's dealing with a chronic disease or an addiction or whatever. So I would say I have motivation with a capital M and motivation with a little M, and that's my, what makes me smile on a day to day basis.

Speaker 2: 1:08:59

Lovely, lovely, Great, great, Great. So thank you so much for sharing the details and I'll quickly. Before we wrap, I will quickly request if you can share because from this word actually came to my mind One small example or maybe a story from your life experiences which showcases that accountability actually helped you achieve the goal that you wanted, Maybe overcoming an obstacle.

Speaker 3: 1:09:41

Brother, you were breaking up a good bit while you were talking, so I had a hard time getting, maybe overcoming, an obstacle.

Speaker 2: 1:09:45

Brother, you were breaking up a good bit while you were talking, I had a hard time getting that whole sentence. Can you repeat that? Okay, okay, am I better right now?

Speaker 6: 1:09:51

Yeah, so like, if you can share one small example, or maybe from life experiences if you can share, about where accountability actually played a crucial role in achieving your goals in life or maybe overcoming an obstacle.

Speaker 3: 1:10:24

Should the accountability guy.

Speaker 1: 1:10:25

Start this one. I just thinking I should go last. That's not fair. I'll, I'll jump in. I mean this will be a quick one. Um, maybe this is not an obvious case of accountability but it is. I mean, I talked about landmarks. This was one of those big landmarks and that God put in my life.

Speaker 1: 1:10:41

So when I first met my mentor, rick, I met him at a, a group that was kind of a little bit of a shallow recovery group, but it was what was available in the in the town that I was living in, and and he quickly was like hey, I think you need more than this group, I needed more than this group. And then he went on to tell me about a different group, prodigals. But, um, in that time I was like I was glad to meet him and I appreciated that. But I I remember telling him I said, hey, you know, rick, could I get together with with you for for coffee every now and again and in my head I'm like really putting myself out there. I am trying some stuff like that's me being vulnerable. And Rick, as I said before, like he has, he's my best friend outside of Carrie. He is like a dad to me. He's one of the most loving people that you will ever meet. And he looked at me dead in the eyes and he was like Logan, if you want to get together for coffee, I don't have time for you.

Speaker 1: 1:11:35

And that hurt me, my feelings, that was offensive and he but he quickly followed up. He was like if you want to seriously work on this issue, I will walk with you, but it's not going to be getting together for coffee twice a month. It's going to be hard work. You're not going to like it. You're probably not going to like me, and like that was. That was not an exaggeration. There were times where I didn't like him. There were times where I didn't like the work, but you know for me at least and for for my story like I needed serious, intense work. I needed intense accountability. I did not need a buddy for coffee. You know that that was not what I needed to get out of the hell that I had created. No, Great.

Speaker 2: 1:12:17

So um I mean.

Speaker 3: 1:12:19

So? I mean, let me throw in really quick on what he's talking about, because I was in a men's accountability group for years at my church back in California and I remember meeting with these guys every month talking about a worker's really tough or the car's broken. It just seemed lame. And then all of a sudden, out of the blue, one of the guys goes oh, I'm getting divorced. We're like, hey, wouldn't that have been something you'd bring up?

Speaker 3: 1:12:41

For the last two years we've been meeting and I just really realized that we like fake accountability because we can do something that makes us feel good and even looks good to the world, but it doesn't work for us. So you really have to choose what accountability looks like for you and what you need. It looks like for you and what you need. And so when Kathy and I were deciding we needed to get out of debt, we hired a guy and paid him 500 bucks every time he came to our house to look at our money and go why do you spend money like this? It was embarrassing, but we needed it.

Speaker 3: 1:13:10

That's the thing, and there's something in nature called a trophic cascade. It has a ripple effect and it's the one thing that is the most powerful thing you could do. That will ripple effect everything, and for us, that one thing was having someone look at our money and going geez, that's how you spend your money, and so you have to if you want real accountability. You know what that is, you know what that thing is. And if you want to invite real accountability, you have to lay that most vulnerable ugly. It's like standing in front of a 360 mirror naked. There is nothing to hide, and you're just going to lay it out and say this is who I am. Then you're ready for accountability. I cut you off, Sarah.

Speaker 5: 1:13:51

No, I was just going to say too, I think, logan. One thing that I've heard through your story, though, is that you're very intentional about the people that you choose to be your accountability partners. Um, I've had conversations with people you know, even with your friends, right. Like, if I have an argument with my husband and I, like I have, I have friends that I'll talk to about it, and I'll have friends that I just don't right Because they're going to give me the worst advice.

Speaker 5: 1:14:16

Right there, there's like fire people and water people. There's people who build the fire and people who throw water on it and help me, like, refine my center. Like, you know that Tom is the best thing that's ever happened to you, so, like this is actually a you problem. Right now, he's fine. Um, you know, like talk you off the ledge rather than being like that's right, screw him, him, go, do whatever you want to do, kind of thing. So, you know, I applaud you for finding the right people you know to have around you good one great, so and anyone anyone I can, uh, share this.

Speaker 6: 1:14:53

This is what came up for me and it certainly sounds a lot different than what everybody else has shared so far.

Speaker 6: 1:14:58

But thinking about for me staying accountable to my own self-care routine, because it's so easy to let things slip and I'm somebody who I feel so much better after I exercise and yet I'm a Taurus, I'm an inertia, just I get it.

Speaker 6: 1:15:18

I'm into being comfortable and so I can find a lot of reasons or excuses in the morning to not get up and move my body. But I think about being accountable to, like you know, my eight or 12 hour self, like, like me, eight to 12 hours. In the future, how am I going to feel if I don't do this now, and inevitably I have done this enough, I have exercised enough and then not exercised enough to know that that future Emily is going to be really bummed out with me now If I do, if I don't exercise, versus if I do. And and same thing, you know, if I want to have, like, stay up too late, have a couple glasses of wine with somebody or maybe eat food that I know is not going to make me feel good, you, that has that really delicious in the moment satisfaction, but that later we might not feel so good after, and so for me it's just being accountable to that future self.

Speaker 4: 1:16:14

Yeah, emily, I feel pretty much the same way Like accountability for me I think Robert kind of said this a little bit earlier, but for me it's of course. I, of course I think it's important to have, you know, a strong support system for yourself, for your nervous system. But the end of the day, it's on me and I know when I do the things, especially meditate, especially move my body daily, I don't yell at my kids as much. I used to be a yeller, I used to. I mean hate to admit it, but my anxiety made me a pretty angry person, um, and I'm not that person anymore. Most people would probably say you're so chill though, um, and that's, that's not my default. That's a lot, a lot of work, and that's that every morning sitting on my ass, even though I don't feel like doing much, knowing it is doing something totally yeah, for me it's probably I would say my calendar.

Speaker 2: 1:17:17

Holly, do you want to share?

Speaker 7: 1:17:19

Yeah, can you hear me?

Speaker 3: 1:17:21

Yeah.

Speaker 7: 1:17:22

Okay For me. I would say it's my calendar that keeps me accountable. If it's not on there, I don't remember or I don't do it right, and so it amazes me Like sometimes I love I'm a list person, so I love checking things off, but sometimes it's nice to like get rid of something on your calendar. It's like freeze up this space and it feels so good and it was interesting. The last few weeks my daughter had femur surgery three times in three weeks on femur. So she has, she's a single mom and has a 14 year old and a nine month old. So I've had a baby full time and I raised eight kids. They're all adults. My baby's almost 30 this year.

Speaker 7: 1:18:00

So it's like, oh my gosh, my whole world changed and it was interesting to see where the accountability meant to that calendar for me, because I had to take so many things off. I couldn't record podcasts, I couldn't do things while I had a baby here. I just never knew when he was going to nap, when he was going to cry, when he was going to cry, when he was going to want me. So it's just to me, it's priorities, just figuring out what really matters to you and what's your negotiables and your non-negotiables. And it's interesting when it's family and I care most about family how everything on that calendar didn't matter anymore. It was just like gone. Yeah, exactly, lovely, lovely yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:18:37

Yeah, exactly, lovely, lovely, and I believe we have. We have got a lot of things to learn today and, dear listeners, definitely you're going to resonate and learn a lot of things from our daily life, which we do on a daily basis. We'll get to learn a lot of things from their experiences and, yeah, so with this, thank you so much for tuning into this enlightening episode of Healthy Waves, which is also a part of Healthy man and Healthy Life, and we, as I mentioned, we have definitely journeyed through these inspiring stories and expert insights of our incredible guests, exploring the impact of daily habits, discipline, accountability on the personal development of the mental wellness. So definitely I would like to mention like the path to the freedom from the overload begins with the small and the consistent steps. So, whether you are taking it on a daily routines or kind of learning on your support network or embracing that accountability, each action you take that brings you closer to a healthier and more balanced life.

Speaker 2: 1:19:51

So a huge thank to Robert Polly, emily, sarah, rachel Logan for sharing your valuable experiences and wisdoms with all of us today and your stories definitely remind us that, no matter what the challenges we face, we have that power to transform our lives and achieve our goals. It's, it's definitely so. So, dear listeners, if you have found this episode valuable, please subscribe. So, dear listeners, if you have found this episode valuable, please subscribe, leave us a review and share it with your friends, family or someone who actually need these expert tips. So your support helps us continue bringing you more important topics and discussions like this video today. So join us next time on Healthy Waves for more expert discussions and inspiring journeys, for more expert discussions and inspiring journeys. And until then, take care of yourself, stay committed to your growth and keep riding with us on this healthy wave. So, thank you so much.