Episode 3: Let's Talk About Sex! 😈 Creative Communication Tactics for Stronger Sexual Bonds

Get ready to dive into the secrets of transforming your intimate life with your favorite duo, Sherman and Jordan! These two friends, from different sexual orientations, are here to debunk myths and share their juicy insights. Ever wondered if talking about sex could really change your relationship? We've got the answers and a whole lot more!

In this episode, we’ll equip you with the tools and insights to improve your intimate life, starting with the key differences between sexual communication and dirty talk. Jordan candidly shares his experiences from casual encounters, emphasizing the necessity of being upfront about preferences and boundaries. We explore the balance between maintaining spontaneity and setting clear expectations, ensuring that every participant knows what they’re engaging in for a more enjoyable and consensual experience.

What's Cooking? 🍳

Sexual Communication vs. Dirty Talk: Understanding the key differences and why both are important.
Balancing Spontaneity and Expectations: How to keep things exciting while being clear about boundaries.
The Dual Control Model: Exploring how accelerators and brakes affect sexual desire.
Stress and Intimacy: Why addressing stressors can enhance desire, especially for women.
Breaking Gender Roles: Fostering emotional intelligence in modern relationships. Creative Communication Tactics: Fun exercises like the "ice cream game" to enhance satisfaction.

Sexual desire is a complex dance of accelerators and brakes. Dive into the dual control model with us as we discuss how stressors often act as brakes for women more than men, and the importance of addressing these before pushing for intimacy. Our real-life scenarios demonstrate how alleviating stress can enhance desire, applicable to both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. By understanding these dynamics, you'll learn how to foster a more harmonious connection with your partner, preventing friction and resentment along the way.

Breaking outdated gender roles and fostering emotional intelligence are crucial for modern relationships. We tackle the impact of societal and cultural norms on sexual communication and share practical exercises like the "Truth, Dare, Yeah" to enhance satisfaction. Hear our personal anecdotes about taboo sexual preferences and how clear communication can transform potentially awkward situations into moments of deeper understanding and consent. From navigating boundaries to exploring creative communication tactics, this episode offers a comprehensive guide to improving sexual intimacy and maintaining a strong connection with your partner.

Tune in for:

• Practical tips
• Personal anecdotes
• A refreshing take on a subject that deserves more open conversation

So, sit back, relax, and join us for a fun and enlightening chat. Let’s make sex ed sexy together!

Welcome to Supersex! 🔥

Transcript

Jordan: 0:10

Hey to all the straights, gays and nays, welcome to Supersex, the podcast where we have conversations and share our perspectives on sexuality, sex and more.

Sherman: 0:18

I'm Sherman and I'm Jordan, Two friends, one straight, one gay taking on all things sex. One straight, one, gay taking on all things sex.

Jordan: 0:29

German, we're back Communicating.

Sherman: 0:32

How's it going? Good, how you doing? I'm not too bad. I'm very excited to communicate, communicate.

Jordan: 0:39

Yes, that's exactly what we're going to be doing today. Happy days Talking, sexy communication.

Sherman: 0:43

Not sexy communication, not sexy communication sexy communication.

Jordan: 0:48

Okay, let's, let's talk about it. More sexual communication, then all right, good, good, because sexy, sexy communication. I think that sort of implies that we're talking about dirty talk and that's not what we're talking about.

Sherman: 1:00

That's not what we're talking about here today. We're here to educate. Well, jordan's here to educate today you're just taking part and just like hanging out. I'm just here in the background adding my five cents oh, love it, love it.

Jordan: 1:16

All right, let's talk about sexual communication. Um, I want to talk about what it is why it's so important. I want to talk about what it is why it's so important. I want to talk about how we can start initiating these conversations. Maybe what are some sort of barriers to conversations that we'll have? And I think let's wrap it up with maybe talking about some of the things that people can do to increase the sexy talk Sounds good. Sexual communication in their relationship. There we go, sounds good to me. We'll do another podcast on dirty talk another time.

Sherman: 1:53

Yeah, because that's going to be a whole hour's worth. Oh, that would be like filthy. We'll definitely leave that till later, oh fuck.

Jordan: 2:02

I love. It All right, let's get into it, okay. So what? What do you think, uh, sexual communication is like? What's when I, when I say those words, what do you think it actually means to you?

Sherman: 2:15

okay. So I this is my thing is because I haven't really had that many relationships. My sexual communication is more comes from a, I'm gonna say, one night stand kind of situation. But we'll just say that. So for me it's, and you know the apps, of course. So for me, I think I'm really open with whoever's coming over. My likes, likes, my dislikes, what I'm expecting, that's pretty much what I see it as sexual communication for me, banging out there what you like, what you don't like, limits hard limits, Limits yes, hell yeses and hell noes.

Sherman: 2:58

Absolutely yeah, and I mean I don't go that far into it. For me it is literally just just okay. I probably will go more with my main things like feet. Get your feet away from me, don't touch mine, because some people seem to be into feet. Look, I ain't yucking anybody's young, but feet are not my thing, so I make sure I'm like my top, like four things. I ain't showing you my toes, thank god.

Jordan: 3:23

God.

Sherman: 3:25

So, yeah, I feel like for me it's more like, yeah, I'll say I'll list like two or three odd things that I really like, what I don't like, and that's about it.

Jordan: 3:35

Yeah, yeah, and I think that's super important in like that casual space, I think, if you go into it too much in a casual space, it's like oh, fucking hell, a casual space, it's like a fucking hell. Yes, it's like a checklist. Oh, I've been turned off. Now the spontaneity spontaneity we talked about that in the last episode. Is that even a word?

Sherman: 3:54

I think it is. I'm pretty sure it is.

Sherman: 3:56

It's a fact check, don't worry, somebody will fact check that for us. Um, look, to be fair, literally had that situation once, had something, yeah, had a dude just list all these things that he wanted. And it got down to like, oh, you need to, I don't want any hair. Can you do this? Can you prepare this way, can you do? And I was like at some point I literally wrote back. I just said, sorry, man, this is too much for me, goodbye, wow, and just block immediately. I was like you don't come with a list. Not that I'm looking for the romance, but yeah, yeah.

Jordan: 4:32

It almost makes it like real transactional, exactly Like you are hiring an escort and you are telling the escort exactly what needs to happen.

Sherman: 4:42

And look, if that's what you want, go for gold. But that was not what I was wanting at the time.

Jordan: 4:47

And yeah, nah, because I think it's like casual relationships you've got to equally weigh up your desires and somebody else's desires, yeah, whereas with an escort it's like you're paying the money. It is literally a transaction. It's a transaction and so long as they're cool with it, then they're there, ready willing I'm not gonna lie.

Sherman: 5:08

Sometimes I'm like that okay I'm, I can be transactional, but again, I'm all for being open. Yeah, so that the person knows what they're getting into before you get here. Yeah, so don't get here, or let me get there and it's something that you didn't expect. Yeah, I want to make sure you're saying yes because you know exactly what's going to happen.

Jordan: 5:29

Yeah.

Sherman: 5:30

And if I'm in a transactional mood, I'm going to say I'm in a transactional mood.

Jordan: 5:35

I'm in a transactional mood right now.

Sherman: 5:37

So I was going to say something that's way too dirty.

Jordan: 5:40

Was it something along the lines of swiping debit card here?

Sherman: 5:43

no, it was more like just put your deposit in. Oh, I love it.

Jordan: 5:50

I hope no family's listening to this yeah, this is an over 18s podcast, guys. Um, all right. So I think, from my super nerdy perspective and talking in terms of like more relationships, like more established relationships, because that's where sexual communication seems to be a bit more of an issue- I think it's way more important.

Sherman: 6:17

Yeah, I think so.

Jordan: 6:19

If you don't have that communication down pat, shit just goes south real quick.

Sherman: 6:26

I'm not. I'm not the person to be able to speak on it, like I said, having that many relationships. But I feel like sex is. It's not everything in a relationship, but if it's bad or there's no communication, it can be a very big problem in a relationship. It it can be huge.

Jordan: 6:44

Yeah, it can be huge, and I think it's not necessarily so much the amount of sex that somebody wants. Yes, it's the gulf between it, if that makes sense. So let's say you want sex a hell of a lot, but your partner doesn't want it at all. Yeah, that's a problem, whereas if both of you want it a lot, so there's no fucking problem.

Sherman: 7:08

So this is a question I've wanted to ask. I want to ask quite a lot of friends that are in relationships because obviously, like I say, I haven't had much of many relationships. But my thing is, what do you do in that situation when you're like you know what, I'm just really not in the mood and what?

Sherman: 7:27

if you're not in the mood for a while. Like, how do you navigate that? Obviously it goes into communication. Yeah, I don't know how I would do it. Like I don't know how I would feel if my partner was like oh hey, come on, let's go for it. I'm like ugh.

Jordan: 7:48

Okay. So there's two ways that traditionally it would go I'm tired, I'm tired, leave me alone. I've got a headache. But basically there's two ways. It normally goes in hetero couples, right, and they will either try to push a person towards sex, so they'll try and give them all the things that are a turn on right there and then so the guy might go out and buy lingerie for his wife, or he'll go and buy chocolates or take her out for a really nice dinner and all of this sort of stuff.

Jordan: 8:20

Yes, problem is is that the dual control model which I think I've hinted at before and which we definitely need to do a full episode on. But dual control model basically says that there's an accelerator and a set of brakes. Correct, women are far more sensitive to the brakes than guys. Are, right? Yes, like I can go out, have a real messed up day at work, come home and be like cool, let's roll. Yep, my wife goes to work, has a real horrible day at work. It lasts for fucking three weeks. Yep, right, because she's far more sensitive to the brakes the brakes, but they're also less sensitive to the accelerators. But they're also less sensitive to the accelerators. And if guys are just pounding stuff on the accelerator chocolates, going out for dinners, sexy lingerie, all that sort of stuff, that's pounding stuff on the accelerator but it's not taking anything off the brakes, right. And then if they're not taking anything off the brakes, that car ain't going anywhere where you want it to. So, basically, it comes down to how are you going to take those stresses off your partner so that they can come back to a level of normal, right? And then you can then start putting on the accelerator stuff.

Jordan: 9:42

Because, for instance, like imagine, I don't know, imagine you get, you go out one day and you get absolutely abused by some racist, homophobic, asshole, right, that would cause a whole fucking heap of stress for you, right, absolutely. You come home to a partner and the partner is just like let's go, I want I want this to happen right now. And you're like, no, I've just had this whole massive stress, I'm still in my body, like I just can't get out of my head on this thing, right. And your partner's like, well, I want to say I want sex on sex. That's going to start causing issues between you and your partner, right, but if you go out and let's say you've had no stress throughout the day, you had a pretty good day at work. Finish it off with a workout at the gym, maybe going for a massage. Everything's free and easy, no stress, come straight back into it. Perfect, hey, let's fucking go right. So it's that.

Jordan: 10:41

Brakes and accelerator model Balancing, balancing it out. Brakes and accelerator model Balancing, Balancing it out All about the balance. Yeah, and like hetero couples as well, like we sometimes do have a bit more shit going on, like we were just downstairs with my three-year-old kid who, incidentally, has slept a total of about five hours in about five weeks. It's a fucking nightmare at the moment. I don't know how you do it. A fucking nightmare at the moment, I don't know how you do it.

Jordan: 11:06

It's been really hard, but, um, that has basically just stopped sex dead in its tracks, because if you don't sleep you ain't doing shit. Yes, you know it's hard enough to wash the damn dishes, let alone even think about getting into a six-cylinder right. So um, but yeah, to answer the question, that's the way it's give and take. It's a give and take, yeah, and it's finding out what is putting the pressure on the brakes and taking that away before you start trying to put things on the accelerator.

Sherman: 11:43

Yeah, because for me I think I would be very like, I would feel bad if I would feel really bad because especially I think, like in a get in a the sense of a gay relationship, if you have one top and one bottom and one is strictly top and one is strictly bottom, for example, it'll be similar to having a straight relationship, in the sense that if I'm the bottom and my partner wants sex tonight and, like you say, you're just not in the mood for whatever reason, I would feel a little bit bad to say no. So then would I do it just because it's something that I know that he wants, but at the same time that just opens up other can of worms because you're not into it. And for me I need to know that if I'm having sex with somebody I'm going to get off by knowing that they're into it. Yep.

Jordan: 12:36

And it's what happens later on down the line yeah Right, you can go out and have sex that night and it might turn out to be great. Yeah, likely, it's not, because you've already got one foot out the door anyway and you're just like, oh, I'm just going through the motions here. Then your partner's sitting there looking at you going. You don't seem that into this. Exactly what is wrong? Exactly that causes friction. And then there's a resentment afterwards it's like well, I did that because I was, I did it for you, I did it for you.

Sherman: 13:10

But then it's like oh, but you, I only did it because you want, and you want it all the time, or yeah, yeah, so it gets really tricky and troublesome this is why communication is so important.

Sherman: 13:21

Yeah, to say look, hey, I don't feel like it today. Rather than doing it because I'm feeling guilty, I really don't feel like it today. Rather than doing it because I'm feeling guilty, I really don't feel like it today. I've had a hard day. This is what's happening. Do you mind if we? Maybe we can just have a conversation about my day or your day, or see how things are going and see how we feel, and you know what, doing that and looping back around, quite often so much better.

Jordan: 13:46

Yes, you know, if you walk in and you see your partner's just clearly not in the mood and you're just like, okay, and you've got to be like emotionally intelligent enough as well.

Sherman: 13:58

I feel like that's a big problem though.

Jordan: 14:00

Yeah, especially in the hetero things, like there's a lot of people.

Sherman: 14:05

Look, I'm not going to, I'm not trying to dog anybody here, but I feel like you hit that one there. I feel like straight boys sometimes just don't have that. They don't have that in them sometimes just be able to understand.

Jordan: 14:17

Read the room, bro, oh and it's it's not just the reading the room, I think it's it's not just the reading the room. I think there's this cultural and societal thing that still lingers, like the patriarchy is Like I went to work, you do what I want you to do. You're my wife. You do what I want you to do.

Sherman: 14:40

Yeah, I've had a hard day at work?

Jordan: 14:41

Yeah, I've had a hard day at work. I've been using my muscles. Yeah, let's get dinner on the table and let's get into that bedroom, because that's what.

Sherman: 14:48

I want and you need to give it up, because that's what-. Yeah, and then you know you've got so many different outlooks, but it's like 2024.

Jordan: 14:56

Exactly, and now the guy's been at work, but so is the wife and the wife's also dealing with the kids and also dealing with, a lot of times, the finances and running the household and everything else, and has way more stress than the dude does.

Sherman: 15:11

So much stress. Yeah, he might have gone out there and been bricklaying and it's a bit harsh in the sun and you're tired. Yeah, you're physically tired, bro Speak to the wife and see about her day.

Jordan: 15:23

So I did three months of paternity leave and I was so ready to go back to work and when I went back to work it felt like a day off. Yeah, because dealing with kids is so much more stressful and if the person's in that sort of relationship where it's like patriarchy is a number one, that's fucked up.

Sherman: 15:49

Yeah, I've got a few females that staff that work where I work and a few of them have had kids come back into the workforce and I get the sense that it's the same kind of thing, that it's like they come to work and they're happy to come to work just to be able to, you know, breathe like. You know. It's the adult time. It's a time that you get, you know you're away from your kids, kid or kids. It's adult time. You can talk about adult things. You don't have to be sitting and watching, um, what the kids? Well, I almost said gumby like, as that's from like the 1990s. What do kids watch these days?

Jordan: 16:24

Telly zombies. I don't know, I still get my kid watching Postman Pat and Thomas the Tank Engine. Well, there you go.

Sherman: 16:32

You know it takes you away from Thomas the Tank Engine and Postman.

Jordan: 16:37

Pat, oh fuck. So yeah, it's. Yeah, I don't know, I think, with those whole sort of societal norms that are still lingering, yeah, it fucks it up.

Sherman: 16:52

At the end of the day that's going to take. We have to remember something that we're not. I think I've said this a million times we're not where we wait. We're not where we want to be, but thank God we're not where we wait. We're not where we. We're not where we want to be, but thank god we're not where we used to be. Yes, so, yes, we've moved forward, we have progressed. It's 2024, but there's always going to be that, just residual. But you know, there's that little bit that's going to be left over for the next 50 years, 100 years it's not going to disappear.

Sherman: 17:23

It's never going to go away. So we all need to be realistic and understanding that, yes, we can move forward, but also that's always going to be there. There are going to be people that live those kind of lives, whether it be because of religious reasons, whether it be what they've just been taught from previous generations. What's out in social media. It's not going to disappear anytime soon.

Jordan: 17:47

Yeah, and it comes a lot down to education as well. Absolutely, I see it a lot, obviously, being an educator and sex educator, education is especially relating to sex and relationships. You can see who gets it because they've got it from home and who doesn't, and like I've had to really struggle with my school because they're like we want to separate boys and girls in sex ed and I'm like why?

Sherman: 18:23

well, what's the point of it makes them?

Jordan: 18:25

more comfortable talking about it. Yes, but they're going to have fucking sex with each other, exactly so you want them to be able to talk about it as a as a group of girls, talk about it as a group of boys, but then go and have sex together and then not fucking talk about it, but also at the end of the day, it's.

Sherman: 18:42

You have at the end that we two guys. But you're a straight guy, I'm a gay guy, I'm gonna have a different opinion to a lot of those things that you say, and vice versa. But if it was two straight guys sitting here, you think the same way. Generally, you have the same ideas and you're not getting anything else in. You're not learning as much as you could. Yeah, because there's gonna be things that you don't know that I know, and vice versa, in the same way that, gender wise, there's going to be many things about sex that girls either think that guys don't think, and vice versa. It's a conversation starter having someone there when a guy goes oh, I think something about, um, I don't know, menstruating, whatever. Yeah, there's a girl right there that can tell you that that is a myth or not, versus a room full of men or boys not knowing anything.

Jordan: 19:32

Yeah, it's peer moderation, exactly peer moderation, and that's exactly what we sort of need to gravitate to towards with education. But I think it's. There's so many more important things on an individual couple level, and I'll read out a few things that I've got from various different studies. But couples who regularly engage in sexual communication have stronger emotional intimacy and relationship stability. Right, it makes sense, it makes total sense, it makes so much sense. Have stronger emotional intimacy and relationship stability Right, it makes sense, it makes total sense, it makes so much sense. If you're talking about it, the other person knows what's happening.

Sherman: 20:17

There's no guesswork, there's no guesswork. Zero guesswork.

Jordan: 20:21

No guesswork. So imagine, I don't know. Imagine you and I are about to shag. We've never shagged before, never got any intimacy at all before, but I have my preconceived notions of what you might like.

Sherman: 20:35

Yes, or your preconceived notions of what, not even what I think, what you think I like, what that just because, oh, okay, for example, you're a man, you're gay man, this is what you should like. Yes, not even what. Not even what you think I like. It's like well, this is what I like. You're a man, you're a gay man, this is what you should like. Not even what you think I like. It's like well, this is what I like. You're a man, I'm a man, you're going to like this.

Jordan: 20:55

So let's just do it. And then I hate it, yeah, and that's it right. Like I think we talked about last episode how you hate fingers. Yes, my as a guy is fingers, fingers, it's a good way to go, exactly right. I we don't talk at all. I go in, get the loop, always need the loop, start with the fingers, and you're sitting there, immediately turned off, and I'm like what the fuck's wrong with this guy exactly? You know it's, it's not working out this. I'm not feeling that positive vibe flowing back to me. There's something going on, yep, and then all of a sudden, like next thing goes on. You're like no, I really don't like that. And then you try something. I'm like fuck, I hate that. Exactly what are you doing?

Sherman: 21:32

all of that can be avoided by communication, communication up front, and it could be worse where you're not saying anything. I'm not saying anything. It's the worst experience ever. You leave and it's like, oh my gosh, that was the worst sex of my life and it could have been the best if you just communicated.

Jordan: 21:50

Absolutely, Absolutely. It's, I think that communication it comes down to how you're raised and your education as well. Very, very true. How easy is it to talk about sex.

Sherman: 22:09

Very true's not for me, it's not for you, it is not for me because I didn't grow up like that. Yeah, I would like we spoke about in one of the episodes about our upbringing and sex. Sex was not a conversation that my family ever had and, coming from a very conservative family, religion and country, all those things added up to me not ever talking about sex. So, fortunately for me, I went the opposite end of the spectrum because I was like well, because we don't talk about this, I'm gonna make sure I will let everybody I'm about to have sex with know exactly what I want. But that also took me a long time to get to and I did the whole crappy thing of doing it just because I think that's what the person likes and I'm just going to guess and you know, it's just legs and arms everywhere.

Jordan: 23:03

It's like a game of Twister, exactly.

Sherman: 23:05

And no one's enjoying it.

Jordan: 23:09

But yeah, yeah, it really does. It comes back to how you're raised and how you're educated, yeah, and talking about these little things from such a young age is huge. Like I run a little game with my students, I call it the ice cream game, okay. Run a little game with my students, I call it the ice cream game, okay, and basically I get them to tell another person about their favorite ice cream, but what it is that they like about it.

Jordan: 23:38

How do they like it? Do they like it in a cup or a cone? Do they like it to be soft serve? Do they like it to be, you know, gelato? Do they want nuts it? Do they want sauce on top of it? Do they want to have their ice cream sitting down at the beach or do they want to have it walking through the city? Do they want to have it with their friend or multiple friends, and do they want it smashed all over their face or, you know, sat out in the sun until it melts and turns into a milkshake? But getting kids used to talking like that helps.

Sherman: 24:11

It bleeds into other things.

Jordan: 24:12

Yes, Because you're using more sort of descriptive language, right, yes? And as soon as you get that descriptive language and you go okay, well, we're talking about ice cream here, we could just as easily be talking about sex, exactly.

Sherman: 24:25

Fucking bang. My dirty mind had that whole conversation. Everything was everything was sex for me just then, just like I just want to lick the ice cream. Do you like nuts in your ice cream? Oh my god, I like that no, but it's true because, like I think, if I had an upbringing where, let's just say, not in the family, but in a space of sexual education, through school or whatever, if I was taught to be more open, my life could have been so much more different.

Jordan: 24:59

Yeah, yeah, it's because you initially from the get-go, you're talking about the things that you want.

Sherman: 25:07

Yes, and you're not just going. Do you like ice cream? Yes, I do, and that's the end of the conversation. What's what?

Jordan: 25:13

sort of fucking ice cream. Do you want? What's your favorite flavor? I'm going down to the shops. What am I buying?

Sherman: 25:19

for you. Exactly. What flavor do you like? Why do you like that flavor? Yeah, tell me what's your flavor. Isn't that a song? What's your flavor?

Jordan: 25:27

yes, david bro I haven't heard anything since 1997. So, yeah, it's a good song actually. I like it all right. So the other thing is, I think with that, your flavor of ice cream or your sexual flavors changes over time Absolutely. And there have been studies that have been done, longitudinal studies with couples and the couples who self-report having the best sexual communication. So, and when we're talking about sexual communication we're actually talking about, like, the disclosure, how easy they find to disclose, okay, how well they communicate that disclosure and the amount of times that they talk about it. So the frequency, okay. So the couples that have those three things and are really good at those three things, over the course of a relationship they found that their um, their ability to adapt and change and develop their sexual right life together was far superior to people who had a mediocre or a low ability to do that. So it's.

Sherman: 26:46

I'm learning so much it's Do you know this is great Future partner this is all good for you.

Jordan: 26:54

We're getting talking Like my wife and I we've been talking a lot lately about this and how we communicate really, really well. And there's some things that we've done around that. We didn't always communicate very well about sex, but there's some things that we've put in place to get around that.

Sherman: 27:16

But it's, the ability to communicate has made the sex life better and better and better and better, because we're continually sort of approaching things, engaging in things, regressing things the more open you are, the more you talk about it, the more open you are, the more you want to share, the more you might be, like you're saying, changing open to new things, yes, that you might not have thought that you're into. Or if the other partner is like, hey, I want to try this. Maybe if you didn't speak so much about it, you wouldn't be open to trying it Exactly.

Jordan: 27:51

And it's exposure to the language as well. Yes, have you heard about how people turn around and go oh, you know, porn can help you to find out new kinks and whatnot? Yes, because just because you're seeing something, it might not necessarily turn you on right, but the language does it in the exact same way. Yeah, right, so you might be watching porn and go oh, that's a new thing I could try. You can talk about something and go oh, I'm so curious about that. Yes, let's go and explore that shit.

Sherman: 28:20

I found out I like something that I never thought I liked before.

Jordan: 28:24

Through porn or through talking.

Sherman: 28:29

It was more through through. It was kind of through porn. Ish, yeah, um armpits. Don't look at me like that. What don't look?

Jordan: 28:36

at me like that armpits I look so you won't go near somebody's foot, but give me that armpit, I'm gonna nuzzle right into it.

Sherman: 28:46

Look, I don't know how it happened, I don't know when it happened, but I just saw an armpit one day in a certain situation and I was like, damn, okay, I think I might like armpits. And then after that I tried it, there was a guy there. His arm was up. I was like that looks like a nice outfit, let me get in there.

Jordan: 29:10

And I loved it, wow yeah but again I'm filled with so many questions.

Sherman: 29:16

Yeah, so this is my thing. Is that I? It would be the last thing I thought I would like, but for some reason I tried it. Yeah, I liked it, and hopefully one day, when the next partner comes along, I'll communicate and be like look, give me your pits. Look, do you think this is weird? Give me your pits. And if you think it's weird, too bad, let's just keep going. You got to try something once before you figure out, whether you like it or not oh wow, I love it.

Jordan: 29:48

My question when you first seen this, I'm assuming it was on porn actually I don't even know if it was on porn let's just go, let's just go with.

Sherman: 30:00

Yes, it probably, was it probably?

Jordan: 30:01

was. Can you remember that time when you initially looked at it and went oh yes, were you aroused? I was Okay, so we're way off topic here.

Sherman: 30:14

We're totally off topic. No, it's not because we're communicating about this. We are communicating about it.

Jordan: 30:19

So with it, though arousal like when we get aroused, our disgust mechanism drops right through the floor, right? So, and that's why, you see, people who love p play in the bedroom won't go anywhere near it when they're not aroused. Yeah right, because as soon as you are not aroused anymore, your disgust mechanism goes right up Yep, yep, yep, yep. But when that disgust mechanism goes down, we can allow ourselves to be more informed by other stimulus, and that arousal can sort of embed itself at that point and it becomes like a pivotal sexual moment.

Sherman: 31:02

Okay.

Jordan: 31:03

And that's, they think, how some new kinks and fetishes sort of get built up Built up. So Wow, there you are. That's interesting. Now you just got to get aroused and maybe go around to every place and just see what comes out.

Sherman: 31:22

This is the problem is that I saw an armpit the other day, yesterday I don't know, and I looked and I was like damn, it wasn't look what constitutes a good armpit, but that's the thing I someone actually asked me that because when I was having this conversation with him and I said look, I think I like armpits, and they asked me what's a good armpit? And I'm like I don't know. I just so I literally went looking Googling armpits. I was like this kind I still don't know which kind it is.

Sherman: 31:55

So you haven't figured out like there's no specific criteria, there's no specific criteria just yet, but I don't think I like like no hair armpits, that's for sure, like they look. I'm not looking for no baby underarms, I want some manly armpits with some hair.

Jordan: 32:19

Look, I know this is You're learning things about me today, Jordan. I am never wearing a tank top around you again because I don't want inappropriate erections, because I do have hairy feet.

Sherman: 32:27

All I'm saying is you can wear the tank top, just don't want inappropriate erections, because I don't have hairy. All I'm saying is you can wear the tank top, just don't lift your arms up oh my god, how the fuck did we even get here?

Sherman: 32:37

I have no idea. From communication to armpits, I don't know, but at the end of the day, we this is exactly what we're saying. You're going to talk about what you like. Yeah, oh, totally. It goes right back to the fact that with your partner, sometimes with your best friend you're going to talk about, maybe you might have a kink, a new kink that you didn't know you had I actually think that our dog doesn't like the fact that you have this new kink he's going nuts.

Sherman: 33:06

Look um, I don't care if he doesn't like it, I love it. Don't yuck someone else's yum dog, but look, let's get.

Jordan: 33:15

Let's get back, because I sidetracked us so clearly, though, you and I have fuck all barriers to talking in zeros, sexy stuff, zeros um. What are some barriers that you think that people might have, though, when it comes to talking about, I think, the main?

Sherman: 33:32

thing would probably be, I think, being maybe a bit embarrassed about what they like or discussing it. Yep, I think, for example, if you had a okay, mine is an armpit, look, I feel like an armpit fetish is not that crazy. I did once watch you bastard. I did once watch a video where this guy was just talking about different kinds of kinks and I didn't even know like people licking eyeballs and farting on cakes. Oh yeah, farting is a thing.

Sherman: 34:04

All these different things like falling down the stairs, what Don't? All these different things like falling down the stairs, what don't? Ask me, I don't know. It's a thing, but this is the thing is that there's so many things that a person might be too embarrassed to talk about, solely because they think you know this person's gonna think I'm a little bit weird, yeah, and to be honest, look, fair enough, they might think you're weird, but you don't want to go into that, into a sexual relationship, and then just kind of, maybe just try going for it, and the person's like, wait, hold on, what are you doing? I've had that situation before. Very awkward story.

Sherman: 34:41

But I once had a dude that I don't want to keep too much away here because just in case there's a fan member one day listening to this. But basically, in a nutshell, I'm going to guess that he was intervisting. Okay, you're going to guess, I'm going to guess, I'm going to guess, quote, unquote guess that he possibly might have been intervisting, and I'm all the way not. That was not a discussion that was had at all ever until said moment when I realized that he might be into it.

Jordan: 35:14

Motherfuckers, going for it yep, it's just like mama and ali down there punching away.

Sherman: 35:19

Let me tell you that stopped quick, fast and in a hurry? Yeah, of course it would, and it was for me. I was like what? I was? So perplexed at the fact that that's a, in my opinion, a full-on kink. That's not something that you can just slip. Pardon the pun, slip in, does not just slip in exactly and if it does, questionable what is going on.

Sherman: 35:45

That's not something you just slip in by the way. Yeah, you know what I mean and for me I was like hold on, what the hell? It was an instant turn off, first and foremost, and secondly, I didn't want to go back there, even though generally it was always a good time so do you think this guy might have had a bit of embarrassment about this, or maybe even like a fear of being rejected on it?

Sherman: 36:12

To be honest, I don't know, because the funny thing is we had been together many times, okay, many times before, yeah, but it was a little bit of a transactional kind of situation. Yeah, wasn't much communication, however, a little bit of communication of like, oh, when you get here, this is what I like, yeah, brilliant, cool. And then we went from there and was kind of always I knew it was kind of the same thing all the time, so I could always expect, okay, that dude, if I'm going to his house, this is what's going to happen, and I'm going to his house, this is what's going to happen, and I'm going to have a good time, because ABC is going to happen in exactly that order. And this one time it went A, b, c, z, just jumped a few letters. It jumped quite a few letters and I was like, how did we get here? How did this happen? And I feel like communication would have been a very big. Is it the key thing that?

Jordan: 37:13

you might need to do my friend, and it's like it's such a simple thing, hey, fisting thoughts on it yes, no, oh, like, okay, cool again, like I said to you, don't like fingers two.

Sherman: 37:26

This might be a little bit too graphic, but hey, let's go with it. It was one, it was two, yeah, cool, I'll just go with it. At the time I was like, whatever, maybe add it into your. You know your sexy talk, yeah, do you know? I mean, yeah, do you like that? Do you want another one? That could quite easily have immediately gone. I might have gone. Well, I don't know, do I? And okay, cool, maybe I can now be into it because you are gently, gently easing me pardon the pun, gently easing me into it. Yeah, without just going. Bam, and then there were four and I'm like, wait, hold on. What are you doing? What is happening? But you know what I mean. Like, if there was a little bit of communication where you just go like different ways of having communication, that's another thing. Yes, you can talk about before, but how about bringing that in while it's happening in a nice sexy way?

Jordan: 38:25

see, now, that's. That's a great point, and I think it's. There's pros and cons to it, right? Mm-hmm? Because, as we've just established, when you're horny, new things can become arousing straight away. Yes, don't know how armpits, so you can sort of get there, you know. Hey, I would like to try this. Are you up for that?

Sherman: 38:53

Within reason, within reason.

Jordan: 38:55

Absolutely within reason, and then the person's like oh, yeah.

Jordan: 38:58

I would like to go there. But then there's the other thing of you could go too far with it, yes, and you could go too far with it and be like just shut everything down and that person suddenly has no more trust for you because that thing has just been put on them right in the middle of a sexual thing, like I don't know. Imagine you're there one finger, two fingers, you want to try one more? Yes, how about two hands, exactly. Suddenly it's like whoa, what the fuck like? That is exactly full-blown thing. I'm not okay with that. Who the fuck are you and why?

Sherman: 39:35

we only talking about this. That's exactly what I felt like yes, because it was like okay, already I'm I'm not really into the whole finger thing, but I'm gonna. I'm gonna do this for you, basically because you're obviously enjoying it, yeah, so okay, cool, it's not that bad. I'm in the whole moment. Inhibitions are completely to the floor with the clothes. So, yeah, let's go for it. But then taking it too far and thinking I know I'm just bam, five fingers deep.

Jordan: 40:10

Never try that it's. I think there are levels to certain things and you can go. You can progress little by little. I didn't tell you the best part of the story.

Sherman: 40:20

Oh, tell me the best part, go. The best part of the story was four fingers and I was like grabbed hands was like a clear indication. Yeah, body language like I'm not saying I don't like this. Yeah, I'm saying with my, by me holding your hand and saying you know, you're like basically putting away from me, don't push it any further, don't do that. Then it was okay, try again. And then try again and I'm like grab a hand, pull it away. Oh, no, gets, I think gets the point. I'm like okay, good, he gets the point, disappears for about a minute, comes back without too much description. Here it dark, I'm facing a different direction to where he was and I feel a lot of pressure, like I mean probably the same amount of pressure as a fist.

Sherman: 41:25

It was a toy oh fuck. So like there was no conversation at all around this Zero conversation and again in his mind he might be thinking, oh, this is something that he'd be into Not straight man, for example. Well, he's a bottom. Yeah, all the bottoms I've been with are into this. Let me, he's going to like it, let me. Oh, you don't want to hand? How about a fire hydrant?

Sherman: 41:56

it was yeah, look at, it was a moment. Without going into too much detail, I really have, but yeah, um, it was a whole thing. Needless to say, there was a very, very, very big gap in time that I did not see that person I can, because the lack of communication eroded to trust 100.

Sherman: 42:15

You did not trust that person with your safety and your pleasure, I suppose I mean, if you can take it that far without any kind of communication verbal, otherwise what else will you do? Yeah, well, what else will you do that I'm not into?

Jordan: 42:33

yeah, and it's like getting outside of the relation, outside of the bedroom as well, into the relationship is a broader thing. You know, if you did develop a more sort of intimate relationship with this person, what other liberties would they take? Exactly, you know, exactly Just a sexual level. It's like, oh okay, that's physical, that hurt. I didn't like that.

Sherman: 42:56

But you start messing around with like emotional shit like fuck man. Exactly.

Jordan: 43:01

And they're linked for people. Of course they are. You know like physical safety and emotional safety is For me, very course they are. You know like physical safety and emotional safety is For me Very much linked Big time. Yeah, very, very much linked. Oh man, it's hectic. All right, I want to talk about how do people bring up conversations around their sexual desires, their fantasies, their fetishes, their desire to fuck somebody's armpits.

Sherman: 43:29

Something like that. Well, look, one thing I can say is within reason. I think a really good way, good suggestion would be to be, you know, no-transcript, like if you do sexy talk in the bedroom. I think that is a really good way of bringing it in. For example, kiss the person's neck, move down their body Do you like this? Is this something you want me to do, obviously in a little bit of a sexy way. You don't know, if the person's into feet Start moving down the leg, kiss the knee, do you like this?

Sherman: 44:07

Get to the ankle. Is this for you like this? Get to the ankle, is this for you? They might say to you stop there. And they might be like oh, how about you come back up here? You've had a conversation. It might be in a sexy talk kind of way, but you've communicated. I've asked you questions do you like this? Do you like this? You said yes, yes, yes. Oh, wait, come back. Yeah, you're giving me an indication. I don't like that. Yeah, come back here wicked afterwards, then you can have a conversation at the end of it. Hey, so I noticed you, didn't you? When I was going down to your feet? You didn't. Do you have a thing like are you? Are you cool with me kissing your feet?

Jordan: 44:45

no, I don't really like that cool and I think there's communication in the bedroom as well that goes beyond what's said exactly. So you just said before, like you grabbed the hand and that was a form of you communicating exactly. There's other things as well where it's like watch what is happening with the eyes. If the eyes are like following you, that's a pretty sure indicator that they're nervous about something that's going on right, yes.

Jordan: 45:13

Because I've never been in a situation where a person's been super relaxed, having a lot of fun, feeling a lot of pleasure, and their eyes are locked onto whatever your hand is about to do Exactly, you know, exactly, they trust you can even feel it in is about to do Exactly, you know Exactly, they trust you can even feel it in like the muscle tone. Yeah, you know the legs might be closing around you a little bit harder. Their body might be stiffening up. Yes, that could also be orgasm.

Sherman: 45:42

I'm just saying.

Jordan: 45:43

Could be, I wouldn't know you idiot.

Sherman: 45:49

I don't know, you idiot. I don't give myself enough credit.

Jordan: 45:51

It happened once.

Sherman: 45:52

And you know what Good for you. I'm sure it was a good day for you. I tried my best.

Jordan: 45:57

You upset the dogs again the dogs are like yeah, you are an idiot, oh shit, All right.

Sherman: 46:05

So what other things do you think would be?

Jordan: 46:10

see, I love the idea of communicating outside of the bedroom. Yeah, and.

Sherman: 46:16

But how do you bring that up like, how do you? Just outside of the bedroom you're making tea in the morning for breakfast, and all right so making tea?

Jordan: 46:24

All right, so making tea first thing in the morning? Hey, I had this fucking wild dream. Oh, I like that I had this dream, that this was going on and you were right in the middle of it, and I don't really know how to feel about that.

Sherman: 46:42

I like that. I've used that quite a few times. Your dogs are not loving this conversation.

Jordan: 46:47

They are not hey, I apologize for these dogs. It's people love dogs, it's fine. They're like.

Sherman: 46:53

I had a dream too feed me, but look, to be honest, I've okay, maybe not in this, in in a sexual kind of way, but there are many times where I think I've done that without realizing I was doing that and going oh, I dreamt about abc starts a conversation straight away and that's all you need you need a hook.

Sherman: 47:14

You need a hook into a conversation like that. So from now on I'll be like hey, so I had this dream about you. You don't hate about that. Just complete sidebar is that the minute I always say to, especially a straight male oh my god, you were in my dream last night. Why does every male automatically go to straight away?

Sherman: 47:33

oh, we'll be fucking I'm like, first of all, we weren't fucking it's our armpits look, this thing is like they'd straight away go there and I'm like, no, it's just actually was a. It was a very boring dream. You came to my house. I don't know we couldn't, but immediately it's always. I don't know what's wrong with you. Straight boys.

Jordan: 47:55

See, we just think you say dream and then think straightaway sex, yeah, see, but straight boys don't think that gay men have preferences outside of being a man.

Sherman: 48:09

Can I just say that that is going to be an entire episode that I'm going to rant for a full hour on, because that gets me all kinds of fever yeah.

Jordan: 48:20

It's, yeah, hetero guys.

Sherman: 48:22

They don't realize that, just the same as we have preferences, I have preferences, I have preferences you have preferences Just because and you know what Sometimes it's not even just hetero guys, sometimes it's hetero girls too. Oh my God, I've got a best mate. He's gay, you're gay, you can be gay together and it's like but hold on, you did not ask me one single thing about what I like, or you haven't told me about him. Yeah, absolutely nothing, is he? Not that I care that much about physical, but is he tall? Is he short? Is he what is he? Is he a twink? Is he a twink? Is he a daddy? Is he an otter? Is he a bear?

Jordan: 49:02

bruh, I don't know what's her, what are his armpits? And does he have the nice manly?

Sherman: 49:10

armpits that I like. Do they have hair or no hair?

Jordan: 49:13

that is deal breaker, oh I sorry, I digress, I completely digress.

Sherman: 49:19

Let's go back to how the best ways of communicating to your partner about sex.

Jordan: 49:24

So you would say so I think that dreams are a really good one. Yes, I think that if there's an episode of something or a movie that you know, there's a particular scene in there that you're wanting to explore yes, you can play it.

Sherman: 49:41

So essentially what you're saying is like communicate, bring it outside the bedroom, communicate and just find your way in whatever that might be that hook, but also like a nice gentle way of getting in the gentle way the other thing that you can do is I was talking to a mate and they were saying that, oh, their missus was yeah uh, you know, oh, my mate told me something crazy he got pegged, yeah, and but like that initial reaction from your partner, right, yep, it might be a look of horror on their face and you're like, oh okay, I'm just gonna drop that one right there and not continue that conversation straight away.

Sherman: 50:17

I'm not gonna come back to that anytime, but I mean that's really good because you can see the partner go oh, eyes wide, sub eyes wide, or oh, and there's a big difference.

Jordan: 50:27

And if you and if you've got an ooh, that's when you go, okay.

Sherman: 50:30

so I'm going to press this a little bit further. I'm like I'm going to. I'm not going to just bring out the, you know, the strap on and be like there you go, babe, it's going to be like so. Do you think that's a bit strange?

Jordan: 50:41

Yeah, that's a good way of bringing stuff up and really paying attention to the ooh or the ugh, yes, and seeing what that is. So I think there's that. I think there's a whole heap of apps these days that are out there and I'm not going to go into them because they change like every fucking day, yep but basically you set it up with your partner and it sends you like a daily sex question, or you know, are you into this or are you into that, and you can see where your partner is at.

Sherman: 51:11

I think that's a really good way of doing it.

Sherman: 51:13

I think Because I mean it's more so I don't know where. I actually also just read up Someone told me about it the other day as well where each person answers questions. If you're into it and they're into it, then it shows up for both. Yeah, how awesome. And answers questions. If you're into it and they're into it, then it shows up for both. Yeah, how awesome is that? Because I can be as open as I want to be. Really yeah, without really letting you know because, like, if you aren't into that, it's not going to come up so that's it.

Sherman: 51:41

Thank goodness, I'm saved you and no one's gonna know that I like outfits, except for everybody who's going to know that I like armpits, except for everybody who's listening to this show.

Jordan: 51:48

now. You're out. In fact, I'm just going to call you Rexona from now on, because you love to be in the pits.

Sherman: 51:55

Oh my God, Thanks a lot New nickname, you think? You're so smart.

Jordan: 52:01

Going forward. This show is going to be with Jordan and Rexona.

Sherman: 52:04

Just call me Rex. Sorry, right back at it. I keep on pulling you away from your point Go back All right.

Jordan: 52:14

So we've done dreams, we've done conversations with friends, movies.

Jordan: 52:20

The other one. I think, yeah, the apps. I think the other thing that is really really good do is um games and challenges. So when my wife and I was starting to talk a lot about um sex and starting to communicate a bit bit more, I actually designed this little game called truth day, yeah, okay, and basically tell us more. All right, truth day, yeah, is this. I wrote hundreds of things down and at the top of like a little card would say truth and it would be like what is your thoughts on, I don't know, fisting, yep, and you pick one card out per day.

Sherman: 53:05

Okay, all right.

Jordan: 53:06

So today's topic you know, kid's gone to bed. Oh, what's your thoughts on fisting? Oh, okay, this, this, this, let's a conversation happen. Right, you might get a dare, but I'd mix it up between not all being sexy, but you know some would be. You know, what are your thoughts on the queen?

Sherman: 53:25

Right.

Jordan: 53:28

You know she's gone now or whatever, but hey, what are your thoughts on the queen, or what's your favorite ice cream flavor, or something like that? So they're not all in your face. So the person's not just going okay, truth day is coming out and it's just, it's always going to be sexy, sexy, sexy All out sexy shit now, which is good, because it leads back to what you're saying before.

Sherman: 53:46

Sometimes you might not always be in the mood. You've had a bad day, that's right. You want to talk about the queen? Oh, actually, you know what? Yeah, that can distract me. Let's talk about the queen.

Jordan: 53:54

Yeah, all right. And then there was like stupid dares in there as well. So dress your partner as a mummy using toilet roll. I don't know, that's pretty cool. Paint your partner's toenails stuff like that.

Sherman: 54:07

Please tell me that your toenails got painted in that situation.

Jordan: 54:10

I don't think my toenails should ever be touched. I've ran a few ultra marathons at this point and let's just say these toes aren't for human consumption.

Sherman: 54:21

Look, that just gave me all kinds of images that I don't want to think about. Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot, but no, I think that's a really cool way of but that that's great, because it's communication inside and outside the bedroom.

Jordan: 54:35

yes, both kind of lead into each other right and they link in right, and it was the amount of stuff that I found out about my wife from that and she found out about me and wasn't like. The conversations led us to places that we didn't ordinarily think that we would go. Yes, and that was really fun. We then ramped it up with a 30 day of porn challenge. Now, this was fucking wicked. Okay, so every day for 30 days, you watch a different category of porn that you would never normally go for. Oh, and just one video.

Jordan: 55:12

Just one video, okay.

Sherman: 55:13

Just one video.

Jordan: 55:13

Right, and basically you would just watch it together, okay, and then it would be either that, yes, no, or maybe that was interesting, okay, and the amount of things that you got from that. But, like, if you're designing that with your partner, drop a few of the things in that you want to explore, I see.

Sherman: 55:35

Drop a few things in that they might want to explore.

Jordan: 55:38

Okay, and then banger, you know. So out of a 30-day challenge, you might get to talk about five things that you want to explore and five things that your partner wants to explore, and then you've got another 20 days of oh, that was a bit weird I like that.

Sherman: 55:54

We need to do a episode on porn.

Jordan: 55:57

Oh, definitely gonna do an episode on porn, but yeah. So I think, gamifying it, yep, making it a challenge, and that's what the apps are really good for yes, I feel like like bringing some kind of.

Sherman: 56:10

I think the a really good point about communication is communicating doesn't have to be sit down conversations, hard topics, boring. It can, it can. Communication is just what we're doing right now. Yeah, we're having a good time talking about stuff, talking about issues, and it can be fun. Yeah, you can like you're saying, you created your game. It's still communication, but it should be fun, though. It should be something that you want to do, yeah, versus, not something you're not looking forward to doing.

Jordan: 56:46

Yes, you've got to be interested in it.

Sherman: 56:49

Yes, you need to want to have that desire, but we also need to remember that not everybody has the same background and not everyone has the same experiences. So their ideas of what communication might be, they might not understand that communication can be a good thing, a fun thing. It doesn't need to be something that is negative and ends up having a negative result.

Jordan: 57:11

Yeah, so I think with that is choose your time and place. Yes, and one tip I've found really, really works is in the kitchen, mm-hmm, the reason why Making that?

Jordan: 57:23

tea for breakfast, making tea for breakfast, cooking dinner, whatever it is. But I think the beauty about a kitchen is if you're both in there. Let's say there's a glass of wine going down. You know you're talking about your day. Hey, such and such was talking about pegging last night. Yes, you know, if your partner really doesn't want to go there. It's like what I didn't quite hear. Hear you, I've got this pan on the boil. Can you just grab me that pasta out?

Sherman: 57:52

or something like that it's informal, it's very informal and it's relaxed enough.

Jordan: 57:59

You're spending a bit of time and you can always just circle back to other things and there are options and ways out of that conversation.

Sherman: 58:06

Because you're focusing, you have something else to focus on that could get you out of something, or it's not too focused that you can't have the conversation and be engaging.

Jordan: 58:17

That's right, and it's almost like a specific end point as well. You're making a meal together. When you finish making that meal, it's like, hey, we're going to go and sit at the dinner table. Now we need to transfer through a space. We can either continue that or we can talk about it, whatever you want to talk about or something else, you know.

Jordan: 58:35

So there's that sort of ability to be able to move space, cancel it, job done. You know, if you don't want to go there, but if you do, you can transfer it straight over. Nice don't want to go there, but if you do, you can transfer it straight over.

Sherman: 58:50

So that's why I always like the idea of kitchens to have those conversations, rather than sitting down and saying, hey, we need to talk exactly, or you're having dinner and it's just awkward because that person has no out if they feel uncomfortable enough that they can't say it, but they want to end the conversation or not talk about it.

Jordan: 59:05

Yeah, yeah exactly, and I think as well, hetero couples, guys, really need to read the room in terms of what's been going on that day. If the kids have been screaming sick, if there's a million problems with the business or work or something like that, she's not feeling good.

Sherman: 59:22

She's not feeling good I hate to say, because someone will probably bash me for it if it's that time of the month. Oh, man.

Jordan: 59:28

Yes, definitely Maybe don't bring it up that day, definitely don't do that. Wait a week, you know, definitely don't it's. Yeah, you need to find those times. Find that time when the person is feeling good.

Sherman: 59:46

When you believe they're a bit more open to having a conversation.

Jordan: 59:49

I suppose and get them laughing. Yes, get them laughing before you bring it up. Good idea, because I don't know about you. If I've had a bit of a laugh, I'm a lot more agreeable to talk about.

Sherman: 1:00:07

Look, I'm a lot more malleable if I'm laughing than if I'm not. True, You're going to be yeah, it's Be open to listening a little bit more.

Jordan: 1:00:13

You are, you are and you see your partner as a fun person. You see this thing as a fun thing. Yes, they're talking about it because you've just been laughing. That's fun, okay, well, that's why we're going there. It's not. This is a whole heap of serious topic right now exactly, and especially like if you're starting to come in with like the more heavier topics yes, bdsm, you know, dom, sub stuff like fisting armpits, like whatever that heavy conversation is that she had a conversation last night about being tied up.

Sherman: 1:00:49

Oh, yeah, yeah, that was something that was brought up with a friend of mine and yeah just mentioned that here. That's something I could never do, but it was a good conversation. Okay, fine, it's not a partner, but it was a friend that we had a conversation about and I was like this is a really good way of bringing something up, because I brought it up or they brought it up and it segued into that and I was like I could never. That's not something I would ever be okay with. Yeah, he's being tied up and feeling very vulnerable. Great way, guess where we were in the kitchen all right, there you go, so it works.

Sherman: 1:01:26

Look, it might not have been the exact situation with the partner, but it was a good test run for when it's with the partner.

Jordan: 1:01:33

Probably the wrong time to bring that topic up would be in the rope aisle of the hardware store, exactly while holding the rope, I want to tie you up. Fuck, no, alright. So there are different ways to approach it um yeah, different ways, different times, but at the end of the day.

Sherman: 1:01:54

I think that the biggest takeaway is communicate, communicate, communicate, yes. At the end of the day, don't ever assume you think you know what somebody likes and wants, because that might be a bit of a distorted opinion.

Jordan: 1:02:10

It's your own opinion, yeah, and if you're not sure, again communicate, yeah yeah, absolutely, and I think, if you don't believe this, for the guys I'm to call back to, there was a massive study done in the UK and like, if the only thing you get from this and the reason why you should talk to your partner about sex or your female partner about sex, there's a massive UK study done and it was like well over 10,000 people and from all over the country, so it was nationally representative, over the country, so it's nationally representative, and basically what they came from that was that the more that a person talks about sex, the more they desire sex, and with women, that is especially true over males. So you heard, you heard that man, you heard that. And here's the next part for the women that are listening if you're talking about sex, you're far more likely to experience an orgasm than if you're not talking about sex. You hear that ladies See, and we've just made you all cum.

Sherman: 1:03:21

It's that voice of yours, Jordan.

Jordan: 1:03:25

It's like the real budget level, barry White.

Sherman: 1:03:30

It's the white, barry White.

Jordan: 1:03:33

Fuck.

Sherman: 1:03:33

Race play. That's the next thing that we're going to talk about. Ooh, fetishize. I can never say that word, fetishization.

Jordan: 1:03:42

Of people yeah, based on their skin color. Based on their skin color, yeah, bbc's and stuff. That's an episode right there skin color.

Sherman: 1:03:47

Yeah, I've got bbc, bbc's and stuff. That is that.

Jordan: 1:03:49

That's an episode right there yeah, I've got all sorts of problems with that, but yeah, I don't think that's a perfect time to uh hang this one up. Yep, I think it's a perfect time to hang it up.

Sherman: 1:04:00

All right, enjoy, go and talk about sex with somebody and prefer to be a partner and uh, yeah, our dogs say oh my gosh, the dogs are saying goodbye enjoy this as well.

Jordan: 1:04:13

All right, over and out see ya ciao. Thanks for tuning in to today's episode of super sex. We hope you found our discussion both enlightening and entertaining it's been a pleasure sharing insights with you all.

Sherman: 1:04:27

Remember knowledge is power and talking about these topics openly is the first step to understanding and acceptance.

Jordan: 1:04:33

Absolutely. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform. You can find us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts Just search for Super Sex and hey, let's keep the conversation going.

Sherman: 1:04:45

Follow us on Instagram at super sex underscore podcast for behind the scenes content updates and more got questions or suggestions for future episodes.

Jordan: 1:04:55

We'd love to hear from you. Drop us an email at super sex podcast at outlookcom.

Sherman: 1:04:59

Your feedback helps us make each episode better than the last so until next time, stay curious, stay open and keep the dialogue alive thanks.

Jordan: 1:05:07

Thanks for listening to Super Sex, where we explore the many facets of sex and relationships. One conversation at a time. Catch you next week. Bye, bye, I'm out.