Self Confidence & Imposter Syndrome

EP #4: In this episode, Ellen talks about ways she has been working on self confidence and imposter syndrome. 

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Transcript

>> Ellen: 0:00

Hey, guys. Welcome back to reasonably certain. My name is Ellen, and today's episode, we're going to be covering imposter syndrome, specifically things like doing this podcast and just in general, kind of how I've dealt with imposter syndrome and tips I have for maybe dealing with it yourself. Uh, so, yeah, let's just jump right into what I've been up to this week, and then we can actually get into the main topic. So, yeah, this is my first real episode since launching the podcast, so I hope you have enjoyed the first three episodes so far. This week. I launched the podcast, and I did the launch party as well. I felt a little silly, I'm not gonna lie. Throwing a party for myself to launch a podcast. But I'm very thankful to my friends Yoli and Fernanda for kind of giving me the push to do it in the first place, because I had always kind of thought, like, maybe one day I would do a podcast, because I don't know, but if you know me, I can talk for hours. Like, I can just keep talking and talking, and I can fill up a room with words. Don't worry, I'll never be the one that is, like, sitting awkwardly in silence. Like, I'm happy to do the talking. So that was one reason I always thought that maybe I would start a podcast. And then also, I just am chronically online, so I have things that I need to talk about and people that I need to talk about them with. And also, I'm sorry if I sound a bit annoying. I'm still getting over a cold that I had, like, about a week ago, but I ended up having, like, I think a sinus infection. So apologies for that if I sound annoying today. Uh, but anyways, yeah, so I, uh, got a cold. I started to feel better. I decided to go to the beach, and I was like, I. Like I said in my last episodes, I am dedicated to getting a tan from the sun this summer. Uh, but I had put way too much trust in my own thought process of 30 minutes from 30 minutes back, no sunscreen. And then I put sunscreen on that, I don't know, at the beach. The uv must have been extra strong that day or something. I got so burnt. If I can find a picture that I took from those days, I'll put one up. If you're watching on YouTube, it was bad. I have not been that badly sunburnt in a very long time. And just as of yesterday, I think my face finished peeling. So, uh, that was terrible. But I think my only. My face peeled, like, my body didn't peel, and it wasn't, like, a really severe peel. It was, like, where just kind of, like, the top layer of your skin. It's almost like when you get a weird layer of your moisturizers mixed together, and it kind of, like, turns into, like, little pills on your skin. That's kind of what was happening. So, anyway, that is done. Um, I'm still a little bit, like, burnt looking on my nose, but you can't tell. Cause I have makeup on right now. Um, but anyway, so I got sunburnt, and then I was, like, praying that I didn't peel before my party because my party was, like, three days after that, and I didn't. Thankfully, I was able to make it work, and I just peeled yesterday pretty much. Anyway, so that has been my weekend. Uh, thank you all for coming to the party. If you were here and you were able to attend, it was really nice to have everybody there. And the venue was cactus botanical society, and it's beautiful. I would definitely recommend it if you need to host an event of any kind. I ended up getting balloons kind of last second, which was fun. I think it definitely helped create more of a vibe, like, for photos and things like that. And, yeah, it was just, like, a really nice way to kind of, like, get people together that I don't normally all have in the same place at once. And, I don't know. It's nice to celebrate things that you're doing in your life. And even though I say it feels kind of silly that I threw myself a party, okay, it still feels silly to say that, but it was fun, and this is a big thing that I'm doing in my life, and, yeah, why shouldn't you celebrate it? People celebrate themselves when they get engaged or have a baby, so why can't I celebrate myself for having a podcast? We can celebrate things, you know? So, yeah, why not? Like, that, uh, was also a suggestion from Yoli and Fernanda. They were the ones that were like, throw a party. And I'm like, really? And they're like, yes, like, just do it. Like, why not? It's gonna be fun. And I was like, okay, yeah, you're right, you're right. So I really have to give a lot of credit to them because I probably would have pushed off doing a podcast for much longer, but they kind of planted the seed in my head, and I was like, you know what? Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna do it. And so, yeah, I'm really thankful. And then I mentioned at the podcast party, but, um, I didn't mention it before yet that Yoli did the COVID work of the podcast. So, like, the main cover photo, um, I obviously, I took the picture at home by myself, but she is the genius who did, like, the graphic design. I told her kind of, like, what fonts I kind of like. And she was the one who came up with, like, the end design. And I was like, I had a mock up. I should actually show you the mock up that I did. The mock up that I did. Now that I look back on it, I'm like, oh, my God. Like, thank goodness for yoli, because she made it look so much nicer than whatever I had in mind. So, um, thank you, yoli. That was very, very nice. And, um, yeah, so that's kind of the recap of the podcast launch and me getting sunburned and me sounding annoying from this past week. Also, we went out to eat after the party, and, uh, we went to one of my favorite restaurants, which is monster sushi. And I am very picky about sushi. Like, I love sushi, but you're probably, for, you, real sushi lovers, you're probably gonna laugh at me because I'm so picky. I prefer either cooked fish in my sushi. Like, I don't really like raw sushi. Cause it just, uh, the texture and the flavor just kind of grosses me out. So, like, if I'm having fish, if it's like, shri, well, not even if it's like cooked salmon or cooked tuna, maybe I'll eat it, which that's not very common. Cause obviously sushi is usually raw. Otherwise, I love, like, seafood. Like, if it's like crab, lobster, shrimp, I'll eat that all day long. But, um, that's also not as common. And it's usually, like, tempura shrimp or like, tempura lobster. So I can't have that unless it's like, a specifically gluten free sushi place, which also isn't very common. Anyways, so when we were out to eat at monster sushi, I was like, let me go out of my comfort zone a little bit and get the California roll, which is one of the most basic rolls you can get. But I had never had it specifically from monster sushi. And I don't really love caviar, but, like, I will eat it on my sushi sometimes if there's not a lot of it on there. You know what I mean? Like, if it's just like, a little sprinkling on top, I'm like, okay, like, I can do that. But this California roll, I think, like, for me, California roll from monster sushi, just not really my jam. Uh, because, like, the entire roll is, like, coated in it. And so I took or I ate two pieces, and on the second piece, I was just like, I m can't do it. I can't do it. The text, it's not even the flavor, the texture, which I guess is why people like caviar or roe, whatever. Oh, my God, I can't. It was, like, getting stuck in between my molars and like, ooh. Mm mm mm mm mm m. And then all I could think about was, like, finding Nemo and him being like, dad, and I'm not even like that. Like, yes, okay, animal rights and everything, but I'm not even that, like, hardcore. Like, I don't. I'm not vegan. Like, I'm not usually, like, you know, I eat meat, but for whatever reason, the caviar, I was just like, that's a hard no for me. I just. I can't do it. So I gave it to my friends. Whatever the other roll I had, I do like, but it's very not typical. It's like a steak, uh, sushi. So it has, like, steak and then caramelized onions on top, which is really good. But it's very different than, like, what you would consider typical sushi. So, yes, I do love sushi. I'm just very picky about the rolls that I eat. And honestly, if you could give me a veggie roll, like, I'll eat that every day, all day. Like, it's basically like a spring roll, but in, like, a sushi format. The problem is that monster sushi, they only have one ingredient, vegetable roll. So it'll either be just, like, just cucumber or, like, just avocado. And they don't have a carrot one, but I'm like, can we combine cucumber, avocado, and carrot, like, into one roll? That would be, like, delicious. But, you know, you can't. Can't win them all. So that was where we went to eat, and I had just decided that night. I was like, hey, you know what? Caviar is disgusting. And I don't know why people like it, because I, like, have also been on caviar TikTok, and I've seen people do, like, caviar mukbangs where they're, like, eating different types of caviar. And I'm like, oh, like, what is the appeal? I don't understand it, but I'm also like, obviously, you can tell I'm not a big fish person. I don't know what it is. I love seafood, but fish specifically, like, any type of fish, raw or cooked. Like, I can eat it cooked if it's in sushi, but. Mm, mhm. Mm. On its own? Uh, no. Ooh. I don't know what it is. Ooh, I hate fish. Ew. My whole life I've hated fish. Like, I grew up on a lake, my dad would go fishing and, like, make fresh fish out of the lake for us, and I would be like, that's disgusting. I'm not eating that. Like, I just can't eat fish. My entire life, I've never once in my life liked fish. So future, uh, friends and boyfriends don't buy me fish. Okay, moving on. We also had a lot of changes in my friend group this week because lots of friends are moving and going, like, changing and everything. So, yeah, it's, like, kind of weird how things sync up like that. Like, completely unrelated. Like, three friends at the same time, moving four friends. Like, it was just a lot. Like, um, my friend Kristen just moved back to the US. So she literally just got there, like, this morning, probably. It just arrived. Uh, so that happened, and that was sad. And then, uh, her roommates, Val and Ben, are moving out as well, because they're just kind of, like, saying goodbye to that apartment and, like, moving things around, so they're gonna be gone for a bit. And then, uh, my friend Yoli had a move apartment, so I helped her with that yesterday. And then my friend Nancy is moving apartments, so I had to grab a key for her. And then she got back from a trip while the other person that gave me the key is, like, leaving. So while they were, like, one person was out, while Nancy was coming in, I was, like, the holder of the key for a day, and then she's moving, and it's just, it's just a lot, I think. I'm not used to it because obviously, when you're in the US, like, people aren't usually moving that much. But when you're living abroad and, like, a lot of people are expats, um, or, like, a lot of people are digital nomads. And, like, housing isn't always as, like, stable because you might be living with roommates or, like, waiting for your paperwork to be finished, and you need to just find a place that you can stay in until you can get a more permanent place. So, like, lots of things are changing here. Like, people are usually switching places, like, every three to six months instead of like a few years. Uh, so, yeah, it just kind of all synced up. Like, there was like three moves in one week this week, which was kind of interesting. Um, but yeah, that was my week. So overall, really good. Definitely not a typical week for me. It was a very busy week, but it was all overall very good. So, yeah, that was what I was up to. In case you were. Curious topic, uh, of the week, imposter syndrome. We can actually get into that. I've been working on this myself for the past few years in particular, uh, but especially this past year, moving to Spain and kind of really being out of my comfort zone. And I think, like, just in general, getting out of your comfort zone and imposter syndrome can kind of go hand in hand, uh, even though they're not exactly the same. But in general, it's like, what I've been working on is like, you can do more than you think and you can provide more to people than you think, um, and that you should use your skills that come naturally to you. So my friends always remind me that, like, just because I enjoy doing the podcast or just because I enjoy doing YouTube or social media doesn't mean that it's, like, not work. I keep telling myself that it's just like, silly, goofy fun time and that it's not productive and, like, it's just me having a break from real work, which I do have a real job still. So I keep telling myself that, like, I'm goofing off by doing things that I actually enjoy, and they remind me, thankfully, that doesn't mean that you're not being productive or not working just because you enjoy it. So I think that my mindset, I still need to work on that, thinking that if I'm enjoying something that I'm doing, that means I'm just goofing off. I don't know where. I mean, that's clearly a very us mindset and also probably was a family mindset that was drilled into me at some point. I don't know. But, uh, every time I'm doing something that feels fun, I'm like, oh, I feel like an immense sense of guilt, but I keep doing it, obviously because I want to. But I also, in the background, I'm like, oh, like, I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't be doing this. But then it's like, for why are you feeling like that? That's crazy. So I'm working on that personally. It's like, just because I'm working on something that I want to work on, doesn't mean it's like unproductive or like, um, wasting time, you know? So just because I'm working on things that are fun for me and benefit me is not like selfish or like lazy, you know what I mean? And then also like, working on self confidence and not minimizing yourself. So, like, self talk. Um, I've noticed that I've been doing it even this past week when people ask me like, oh, what is the podcast about? I'm like, you know, it's just something silly. Haha. Like, it's like, just say it. Like, you know, I've had a hard time summarizing it, to be honest, because I don't think it's really about one topic per se. It's not like such a niche down theme, but then I should just say that, you know what I mean? But I've. I, uh, like, minimize it every time somebody asks me because I feel, like, embarrassed about it or that, like, I don't really like, you know, even though I threw a party for myself, it still feels very awkward to have people be like, oh, that's so cool, like, I'm gonna go listen to all your thoughts and, like, your podcast episodes and, like, listen to everything that you put out, which is like, duh, I'm putting out the podcast so people listen to it. But for some reason, when I'm confronted with it, like, in person and people, like, genuinely asking me about it, I'm like, I don't want to talk about it. But it's like, okay, well, you made it so, like, stand up and, like, be proud of it, you know? So I'm trying to work on that still because it still feels, like, very awkward. It kind of feels like when people are singing you happy birthday and you're like, want to shrink into a ball and, like, hide in the corner. But also, I'm putting this out because I want to put it out, you know what I mean? Like, it's not like I'm being forced to do it, so it's like, I should just get really comfortable with the feeling that people, like, duh. Like, people are listening to what I'm putting out. So, like, I should to, uh, like, be like, duh, that's the goal. Hello. So even in work, too, like, when I, let's say I get an upgrade at work or like an upsell and I'm getting like, praise for it or something, I'm like, I always minimize it, like, oh, it was just, it was just, it was just what? Shut up. You did a good job, just take the credit, take the compliment, take the praise, and just, like, be happy for yourself. Like, we only take the happy things in life. I feel like, you know, sometimes they don't come so often. So, like, take the happy stuff, be grateful for it, reflect on it, see how you can do more of it. And. Yeah, so I feel like that reflects more or that, like, pertains more to self confidence rather than imposter syndrome, even though those are kind of hand in hand. But particularly with imposter syndrome, like, feeling like you've made it to a certain level in either, like, your career or just in life in general, and feeling like you don't belong there or, like, deserve the place in life where you're at that is more specifically, like, the definition of imposter syndrome is feeling like an imposter, like, where you're at in life. And I think a lot of us can deal with that. I mean, I know especially as, like, women in general deal with that. Like, women in business, women in whatever career you're in. We tend to not take the praise when we are given it. We tend to not take opportunities when we are given it. Um, we tend to in general, like, talk ourselves down or minimize ourselves when we should be taking more credit for things or, uh, m jumping at opportunities or, like, negotiating harder for things. Like, I'm actually watching this tv show right now called evil, which I feel like the name is a bit misleading, but it's a really good show. Like, I just. Before I started filming this finished season, ah, four, episode eight, which is the most recent episode, my mom reminded me that season four was out and I had never seen it before. And she was like, well, I'm watching the show evil. You should watch it. So I binged the entire four seasons in the last week. And now, of course, I have to wait because it's currently season four right now. And, like, the last two episodes are coming out, like, this week and then the following week. I just thought it was interesting, though, that in season four, um, I guess if you want to watch evil, um, spoiler alert. Don't listen to the next 30 seconds if you don't want it spoiled. But in season four, Cheryl is promoted to a better position in her job. And still she's put into. They don't actually promote her. They just say they're promoting her, and they put her into a, quote, unquote, they say, give her the coroner office. And so she gets to go to, like, the executive level, but they put her in an office that's literally a glass ceiling. So the office is only, like, 4ft tall and it's underneath the office of all the men execs. And so she is looking up, literally through the glass floor or the glass ceiling to the feet of the execs above her. And she's, like, squatting and, like, walking on her knees because the ceiling is so short. So she's like, oh, my God, like, these, you know, assholes and this company, like, I do everything I can do to try and get ahead and, like, they still, you know, squash me under their foot. So she rallies together all the women in the office and she's like, we need to start taking credit for things because, like, these mediocre men up there and she was, like, pointing them out, like, look at. That used to be your intern, that used to be your associate or whatever, and, like, now look at them. They're already ahead of you and you've been at the company for five years. I know it's just a silly example from a tv show, but it's, like, super relevant because that happens all the time, you know? So I think that's a good example of just, like, thinking, like, what would a, uh, mediocre white man do? And probably, like, maybe not following exactly what they would do because I don't think they set great examples always. But, uh, I think it's a good reminder that, like, they will take credit where they can. And, like, that's not always a bad thing. Like, you should definitely see, like, am I selling myself short? Am I being shy or nervous or, like, not going for something that, like, maybe my male counterpart would and he probably wouldn't even think twice about. So, like, those are opportunities where I think you can pause and be like, should I negotiate for myself harder? Should I be, like, taking more credit for something? I think that's very relevant and that's not just in, like, corporate America, that's, like, in general. Like, even in a conversation with your friend, it can be like a. Maybe a point in the conversation where you catch yourself minimizing something that you've done, where you, like, maybe are more proud of yourself, but, like, you are minimizing it because you feel embarrassed or ashamed or, like, I don't know, whatever. Whatever you feel. Um, it could even be as simple as that. It's just like a conversation between friends and I tried to catch myself when I'm doing that, uh, even in emails. I remember back in my first job, I was a business development rep and we were being taught mostly the girls on the team to remove certain words from our emails. Just the word just was the biggest one that they were like, remove it from your emails, stop putting it in there. And even to this day, like eight years later, I still catch myself proofreading my email and then being like, oh my gosh, I like, used way too many words, like, just cut the fat, you know what I mean? Like, cut it down, get to the point. Like, get to the meat of your what you're saying. You can still be polite while doing that, but you don't need to say, like, well, I just, oh, I hope, oh, just say what you need to say in a statement. Like, it doesn't need to be so, like, beating around the bush, you know what I mean? So I try to do that a lot because I'm like, if there was an Olympics for trying to say things politely and like, using a million words to get to the point, I would win the Olympics of that. So I always am, um, like, editing down what I'm saying in my emails and stuff like that because I'm constantly using more words than I need to use to try and sound more polite. And you can still sound just as polite by using less words. I think sometimes it's even more polite to just get to the point, um, because people don't have time to read lengthy emails. Uh, so if you can get to the point in as least little words as possible, I feel like that's almost more polite. And now we have tools like Grammarly chat, GPT, whatever, like a million tools that you can use to like, proofread your emails and edit them down. So use those to your advantage and, and you'll, you'll get better at it over time. But then I have a few other characteristics or, like, points that I wanted to talk about. So, like, self doubt that obviously I think that goes quite hand in hand with self confidence, questioning your abilities and fearing that other people will think that you're not as competent as you appear. I would argue that most people are not as competent as they appear. Um, at least in the workplace. I can say that I've gotten better at it. And I think a lot of people are pretty good at, um, appearing like they know more than what they know. And I think that can then in turn create self doubt in other people. Because you think, like, oh, my gosh, like, how do these people know all these things? Or like, how do they get so far in their career so fast? Or, you know, whatever self doubt questions you're asking yourself, uh, most people are genuinely faking it. Till they make it. And, like, there's an art to that. I think there really is an art to that, and I think it's worth it to learn that, not to, like, bullshit at work or, you know, whatever. Um, I'm using work as an example because that's probably the most common situation. But I think there's genuinely an art to that, because there is an art to giving people confidence that they can trust you to get something done. And even if you don't know exactly what needs to be done in the moment to then figuring out what needs to be done. And, like, it's not against the rules to still ask questions afterwards, but, like, there is an art to kind of, like, the conversation leading up to that. Like, giving people the confidence that you can do it even if you don't have all the answers. Um, that you will be the type of person that will, like, be committed to getting results done. Because most people don't know, like, literally exactly what's going every moment of every conversation, of everything they're doing. Most people are just good at looking like they know what they're doing. So, um, honestly, I think that's how a lot of executives get to the position that they're at is there is a certain art of, like, charm and confidence and talking to the right people at the right time. I, uh, think that is almost like, something that you can't really learn without, like, really either. Like, it comes innately to you and you kind of just, like, get it, or you have to, like, really learn and teach yourself how to do that. And, like, notice when the time and the place is to, like, have conversations with certain people. Like, it feels very kind of fake and strategic sometimes, but at the same time, like, if you don't, I think you could be, again, selling yourself short in a lot of opportunities. I feel like that's. I didn't explain that very well. I'm sorry if I didn't. I'm trying to get my point across that essentially, like, there is an art to strategic conversations, especially in the workplace, and that you don't have to sell yourself short if you feel like you don't know everything, because I guarantee all the people you're competing against for a promotion or whatever, like, they probably don't know any more than you do, but they might just be a lot better at, like, kind of, like, schmoozing up the right people, which is unfortunate, but that's just kind of how a lot of things work. So if you can get good at being charming and confident, I think that will take you a lot of places. And I'm not necessarily charming or confident, but I'm trying to work on that, and I do notice it, um, in other people and then attributing success to external factors. So, like, if you think that maybe the success that you've had is just due to luck or random timing or other external factors, then you should, like, reflect on that as well. I do this all the time with work. I hit my upsell goals for Q two, which was great, but I constantly diminish them because my manager will be like, oh, great job hitting your goals for Q two. And I'll be like, ah. Uh, well, they just already came to me and said they wanted an upsell, or, like, I got lucky because I inherited account that was already in the middle of an upsell. And it's like, does that really matter at the end of the day? Like, at the end of the day, you got the upsell and, like, they're giving you a high five for it. So, like, just take the high five, you know? So, yeah, sometimes maybe it is due to luck and timing, but also, like, you are getting praise because you. And you are getting the success that you're getting because you are the person that is able to continue that or able to facilitate that in the first place. So I think that's another reason to kind of look at yourself and say, like, okay, but not everything that you did was due to luck or just happen stance. You know what I mean? Like, if you had not done anything, you wouldn't be where you're at. So it did take some factor of what you have contributed to it. The fear of failure. So a strong fear of making mistakes or not meeting expectations, which can lead to overworking and perfectionism. Oh, my gosh. I do this all the time. I constantly fear that I'm going to be fired. I constantly fear that I'm making mistakes or that somebody is saying that they don't like me or that they don't like working with me. That is pretty much my number one thought all the time. Like, with work or with personal life, which is not productive, but I think it's inevitable for a lot of people. It's just kind of, like, especially in today's job market and the world, it's kind of hard not to have those thoughts because, like, you kind of need your job and, like, if you don't perform, then you're at a great risk, which is terrifying. So, I mean, kind of, like, how could you not be worried about that? But, um, I think there's, like, a healthy level of worry, and then, like, if you're constantly worried about it to the point where it's affecting your ability to even do your job at a normal level, then, like, that's different. As a generation, and especially in Gen Z, I'm glad that we're moving towards not overworking and not being perfectionists at everything. I hope we continue to move in that direction. So if you haven't started moving in that direction yet, I would encourage you to take little steps, whatever that might be. It can be literally anything. But to not be so hard on yourself and, like, to not overwork yourself, uh, which can look like a lot of things. One of those, I would say, is probably, like, not doing more than you're paid to do. I know, which sounds kind of bad, but I think a lot of people subconsciously do way more than they're asked. And I think typically that has been a good thing because, like, you might get rewarded for that, but I don't think people are getting rewarded for that anymore. So there's, in my opinion, not really any point to overworking yourself unless there's some guarantee of, like, a promotion or a paycheck or something. And then this goes kind of hand in hand with self doubt, but, like, downplaying, um, your achievements. So, praise or recognition, take it. You don't have to be, like, gloating about it, but just take it, appreciate it, be grateful for it, and don't minimize it. I think I've already touched on that. And then perfectionism again, setting high standards and feeling like a failure if you don't meet your standards. I struggle with this a lot. I'm a control freak and a perfectionist. Like, I'm very self aware, and I know that I am. I am m that. But I don't have to, like, fully identify myself as that. I just. I know that, like, I'm, um, self aware. I know that those are kind of, like, personality traits of mine. It's nice to just give yourself some grace if you don't meet whatever standards you set for yourself, because beating yourself up about not meeting an expectation that you set for yourself is not productive to actually meeting the goal that you set. So I've been working on, like, okay, like, where. Like, just very objectively and, like, uh. What am I trying to say? I worked on this in therapy. We were working on dissociating, or. I think dissociating is the wrong word. Oh, my gosh. What am I trying to think of? Like, it doesn't even have to do with work. Just separating yourself from the end result of something. What am I trying to say? Is that dissociating yourself from the expectations, something like that. I might be saying it wrong, but essentially, like, not getting so emotional over circumstances one way or the other. Like, looking at things very objectively, not getting emotional over them, and always just kind of assessing. Like, okay, where are we at? What can we do? What can be reasonable next steps? Like, where can we move forward? Because, like, getting super emotional and beating yourself up about something isn't, like, ultimately productive towards the end goal. So if you didn't meet something, it's like, okay, let's just pause, look at it objectively, zoom out a little bit, reassess, and then, like, jump back in. That's kind of what I've been trying to do. Not just in work, but, like, in every aspect of life. If something's not going my way, if I drop a dish and it breaks, if I am late to something and I feel embarrassed and ashamed because I'm running late and I hate running late because I'm a fraction, I'm a perfectionist, whatever. If anything, I just have to be like, pause. Let's zoom out for a second. Everything's probably fine. Just chill out. So that's how I've been kind of handling things, especially when it comes to, like, not even just work, but, like, anything in life. So I know that's a little bit separate from imposter syndrome, but speaking more to the self confidence thing, I've also been working on just kind of, like, the way that I operate through life, my default. And I'm kind of naturally just, like, a very frantic person. I have had to constantly, constantly remind myself that I'll probably feel better and do better and just be more successful at things if I slow down a little bit. And it's not that I need to slow down to be lazy or, like, tired and sluggish, it's to slow down to be more, like, accurate, um, more intentional, more confident. Uh, and I've noticed that it helps quite a bit. So, like, one thing I took away, I don't remember where I heard it from. It was probably a TikTok or a YouTube video or something. Like, it could have even been, like, shira seven or the wizard Liz or something. That's where I'm remembering it from. Probably one of those types of influencers. But I feel it's very, very helpful to remember that you shouldn't get embarrassed or frantic about mistakes. Um, so if you deal with shame and embarrassment, and you feel like that. You get very upset about things that happen in your life, and then that in turn, spins into a whole spiral of you, like, getting down on yourself and, like, getting upset, embarrassed, like, talking down. I mean, for me, that's a common theme, like doing something, getting embarrassed, preemptively embarrassed, even before people even, like, really give you a reason to feel embarrassed, and then already shaming myself before people get a chance to do that. And I tend to be very frantic and, like, um, your mind's going a million miles a minute and whatever. So from. I'm gonna just say TikTok. I really don't remember where I heard this from. And it's probably been said multiple times by multiple people. It's not, like, an original thought, but especially for people like me, where we tend to be, like, naturally a bit frantic and a bit nervous and embarrassed about anything, that it's, like, best to just slow down a little bit. Because I think one of the examples that I heard was, like, let's just say you drop a jug of milk in the supermarket, and it spills everywhere. Okay, yeah, objectively embarrassing, but, like, it would be more embarrassing if you were frantic about it and were like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And, like, think about if you just were like, ah, uh, dang, I dropped a jug of milk. Whoops. I guess I have to go get an employee and, like, tell them, like, that we need to clean up this jug of milk. You know, like, there's a big difference in reacting, like, panicked, frantic, nervous, shameful, embarrassed. And then just being like, ah, uh, rats. Like, dropped a jug of milk. Whoops. And then, like, calmly walking off to go get help, you know? Like, that's just one example, but I think of that all the time now, and I'm like, yeah, like, it's a lot less scary and embarrassing if you just, like, do things calmly freaking out and being frantic and apologizing a million times isn't gonna, like, fix the fact that it happened. So I think to kind of save yourself some panic and also to just not feel so embarrassed, it is better to just be, like, calm and be like, okay, I'm gonna slowly pick up whatever I dropped. I'm gonna more slowly. And I've tried to do that. Like, if I'm ever feeling like I'm in such a rush and I'm walking, like, speed walking a million miles an hour on the sidewalk, and then I, like, look at myself, like, objectively from a third person point of view, for a second, and I'm like, okay, you're looking, like, a little crazy. Like, just chill out a bit. Um, not that you need to self correct so much, but I think if you tend to be somebody who feels that you need to overcorrect so much whenever you do something that you deem, quote unquote, embarrassing, it will only feel more embarrassing if you are, like, acting frantic. I think that's the point I'm trying to make, is if you kind of, like, let yourself just be in the moment and kind of deal with it calmly, you'll actually come out of the situation feeling much less shameful and embarrassed, and it will actually kind of help build your self confidence. At least, uh, that's what I've found. So I try to stop myself when I feel something embarrassing happened or that I dropped something because I'm very clumsy, too. Um, and then instead of just being, like, I have to fix it immediately. Like, just being like, okay, chill out. Nothing's that bad. Like, whatever is happening, you can deal with. So that's something that I've worked on that I feel kind of goes hand in hand with imposter syndrome, but just in general, like, self confidence and being, like, self assured. I hate to make it such a gendered conversation, but, I mean, let's be real. Like, as women, we do tend to minimize and, like, try to not, you know, stick out or take up too much space in public and, like, try to make sure that everything's always, like, hunky dory and. You know what I mean? So I think it's okay to, like, really just sit in the moment in those kind of uncomfortable moments and just be like, yeah, and what? That's one of the main ways I've coped with a lot of things in therapy, too. I know, like, part of the reason behind the podcast name was, like, that. I say that I'm reasonably certain that's more of, like, an OCD type of thing, that I'm, like, reasonably certain that, like, everything will be fine. The other thing I've worked on is more, like, with anxiety and, like, feeling, like, the end of the world type feelings with, like, maybe more social anxiety situations. My solution for that has typically been, like, end what? End what? Like, and what's gonna happen after that? Whatever happens is, like, okay, and what? And. And so that's kind of my solution for that is, like, whenever you're feeling in, like, in a super intense or, like, uncomfortable situation, just being, like, okay, and what? You know, like, almost kind of laughing it off like, at this point, what else? Like, you know, so nothing's really that serious. Most things can be solved. Like, thankfully, my mom has done a pretty good job of, like, telling us that, too. Like, especially with, like, the broken plates and cups thing. I don't know if this is every family, but I feel like me and my siblings are just extra clumsy and we broke so many cups and plates on accident, probably because we were feeling a bit frantic and not, like, slowing down and so, like, just opening a cupboard fast and, like, putting the cup on the table fast, and it's like, just take a breath, chill out, like, nothing is gonna happen. Like, I don't know. That's kind of the theme behind why I tried to slow down is because I feel like my natural nature is to be a bit frantic. Count how many times I said frantic in this episode. But anyway, I hope that was helpful. That's kind of how I've been trying to deal with self confidence and sort of imposter syndrome. Like, take up some space, feel good about it. Pat yourself on the back, don't feel embarrassed. Feel proud, be grateful, and, like, see what else you can do. You know, like, try and push yourself out of your comfort zone a bit. Uh, but, yeah, so I think that's kind of really all I have to say on that topic for now. But moving on to pop culture and trends for this week. Let's see. Oh, yeah, this one's a bit of a hot topic. Um, the tourist protests that have been happening here in Barcelona, I don't know if you've seen it, but there was a video that went pretty viral, I think, from, like, BBC media or something, of, um, a compilation of videos of tourists getting sprayed with water guns. But, like, if I was one of those people just trying to eat my lunch and, like, I was getting sprayed with water, I would probably go home and cry because that's just, like, so annoying. So I think that's, like, really rude. I don't know. I think it's a very obviously a nuanced topic. I think the point behind the protest as well, it wasn't just to say that, like, there should never be tourists in Barcelona. I think it was mostly because of the housing crisis and, like, Airbnbs. I think that was kind of the point behind the protest. Not saying that, like, they don't want any tourists, but I will say Barcelona is pretty anti tourist. I have not been to many other cities where, like, there's graffiti all over the city that says tourists go home, like, pretty much once a block you can see graffiti somewhere that says, like, tourists go home. So it is a, um, bit of an unwelcoming feeling. And I understand, on the one hand, like, why the locals feel that way, but tourism is never gonna end, so we kind of need to figure out a way, like, a happy medium, you know? And I just don't think that squirting tourists with water is, like, a great way to go about that. I guess if the goal is to never get tourists to come to Barcelona, like, you probably accomplish that, but it's not really giving Barcelona a great reputation either. So all I have to say is, if that was me, I would definitely go home and cry. And I think that's really rude. Um, people are just. I mean, most people are pretty armless. Like, they're just trying to go enjoy some time off after their jobs when they probably have, like, zero days off their whole work year anyway. So it's like, let's just, like. Like, let people enjoy things to a point, but also, like, I understand, like, it is disrupting, like, local lives, so. But this is not just a Barcelona issue. Like, this is a global issue, so I don't know. I'm not obviously gonna have the answer for it, but all I'm saying is I think it's pretty petty. Um, I don't know. I think there's a lot better ways to go about it. But, hey, who am I to say? I'm also technically, I wouldn't call myself a tourist because I've been here for a year, but they probably don't like me either, so. I get it. I get it. But, you know, I think there's definitely better ways to go about it. Uh, the Love Island USA drama, I'm actually super behind. I need to watch it. But, like I said, I've been watching evil, and that has been consuming my tv time for the past, like, two weeks. So I really need to watch Love Island, USA, because I saw on TikTok all the drama about movie night, and that is, like, one of my favorite episodes of every season. And I just hear that this season, people are up in arms about how Casa, um, amour went and how they feel like the men are just absolutely disrespectful to the women this season, and I need to see that for myself. Like, am I surprised? No. Am I disappointed? Yes. Uh, but the movie night drama is. It's juicy. It's always the best, so I need to watch that. And then I also saw on TikTok drama, which I kind of hate calling it drama when it's like, people's personal lives like that. But, I mean, ultimately it is TikTok drama and. And whatever, but I'm not, like, a huge central sea fan. I've heard of him, but I'm not, like. I don't necessarily really know much of his music. But, um, I did see that mads, and she's also, like, a UK influencer, I guess. She was dating central c and they broke up. I don't know that they actually broke up, but she saw that he messaged her the day before her birthday, and he had done a collab or a yde, a music video and a performance with Ice spice. And essentially, like, that was like, how they broke up was basically him, like, cheating on her the day before her birthday. Kind of. I don't know. I'm still trying to get the tea because it's pretty, like, recent, but essentially it sounds like. Like last week we had Brooke Scofield doing the whole who the f did I date? Drama with Clinton Cain. This week it's mad's in central seas, so I'm sure more of that will be unfolding. There's some people saying that it's just pr. I don't know. I think in every case, when we come up on these, like, love triangle situations where, like, the guy cheated or someone cheated, why are we always comparing the two girls? Like, people are like, oh, Mads versus ice spice versus Mads versus ice spice. It's like central c, like, basically just gets off scot free. You know what I mean? Like, he's the one who's causing all this chaos in the first place. So I would just say, um, side eye, central sea. Uh, uh, weirdo. But, you know, am I surprised yet? Again, I'm not surprised. But anyway, that's kind of all that's really going on in TikTok land this week and then my goals for the upcoming week. I know I mentioned in my last episodes that I was working on a website that's not quite ready yet, so I'm working on that. When will it be ready? I don't know. I have thoughts, but I have a lot of work to do. So honestly, website TBD. I'll get back to you guys on that. Um, and then since this last week was so busy with the podcast, I would love to just get back into a normal routine. I, um, think I mentioned that I was taking wagovi, so I took my, um. I'm on my second shot of Wigovi tomorrow. I'll take my third shot and we'll see how that goes. But so far, I've been really lucky and, like, had no severe side effects. So I really just want to get back into, like, a good sleeping routine, which sounds funny, but that really is kind of like the crooks of. Of having a productive day. So it really does start with going to sleep on time, and then I want to go to the gym again because this past week, I didn't go to the gym. And that's really it. I just want to have, like, a very typical week since this week was fun, but it was very not typical for me. So I would just like to have a good typical routine this week, and, uh, that's it. And then, as always, just kind of reflecting on my goals, monthly goals, quarterly goals, kind of whatever I'm working on. So, uh, I'm sure I'll be doing plenty of that. But anyways. Oh, uh, this was a long one, but I hope you guys enjoyed. I hope you learned something. I hope my voice wasn't too annoying, and I will see you in the next episode. Bye.