The Dark Side of Beauty Standards: My Unfiltered Take on Insecurity and Capitalism... and how this effects our body image.

What happens when beauty brands try to profit from our deepest insecurities? I’m Kirsty Harris, and this episode will blow the lid off the complex and often exploitative world of beauty standards. You'll hear my raw and unfiltered take on Dove’s latest advertisement featuring young women recovering from eating disorders. While we can acknowledge a company's attempt to evolve, it's hard to overlook the ethical dilemmas these campaigns bring to light. Journey with me as I unpack how societal conditioning and capitalism create a relentless pursuit of an unattainable beauty ideal, affecting our mental health and self-worth. 

Ever wondered why we often feel pressured to conform to certain beauty standards from a young age? This episode breaks down those societal influences that mold our perceptions of beauty, self-worth, and body image. Sharing my personal experiences, I highlight the impact of capitalism and how our continuous chase for an ideal appearance leaves us feeling inadequate. We also critique beauty brands like Dove for their seemingly inauthentic portrayals of inclusivity and explore how companies like Lush are doing things differently by promoting diversity and inclusivity. 

Shifting gears, I share my own journey from body dysmorphia to self-acceptance, emphasizing the importance of embracing our unique qualities. I discuss the concept of self-care versus societal pressure and how practices like affirmations and self-reflection can help you transform your mindset. Wrapping up, we celebrate the significant progress from self-hatred to self-tolerance, urging listeners to reject harmful societal standards and prioritize their mental well-being. Stay connected and share your thoughts on social media; let's continue this journey toward finding our inner glow together.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello and welcome to the Find your Inner Glow podcast hosted by me, kirsty Harris. I am a holistic coach and I am super passionate about helping others improve their lives by focusing on the mind, body and soul. Each week, I will be sharing my insights, experiences and advice on how to tap into your inner glow and live a more fulfilling and balanced life. So join us and let's discover how to find your inner glow together. Welcome back. Let me bring my mic a little bit closer. Hey everyone, how we doing? Let's have a little warm up for the pod today. How are we, tell me, darling, I need to know how we are. We are anyway. Today we're going to be talking a bit about like, basically, fuck beauty standards. Um, so if you're looking for a sense of like, empowerment, breaking the shackles of beauty standards, then this podcast is for you, because I got really irritated the other day. So a couple of weeks back, I saw an advert by Dove. So yeah, I'm actually making a podcast about it, because I'm just still livid about it. I'm still livid. You know, your girl is a Capricorn, she's a stubborn little girl and she just hangs on to shit sometimes. Okay, but I'm working through. I'm working through because obviously it's triggered me. So I will be talking a lot about body image, eating disorders, things like that through um this episode. So, if you know, please take care of yourself if you're listening to this episode. If you do feel triggered, like, do let me know, like do reach out or do talk to somebody who you feel comfortable talking to. I will be talking about subject matter very like, painfully honest and very authentically. Um, and sometimes that doesn't always come out in the most sensitive way, because you know she's a goat. I'm a Capricorn, I'm a goat, um, but also sometimes and I'm just like just vibing and channeling and just getting out there what I really want to say, I I'm just I don't even think it just comes through, like it doesn't pass through a filter, um. So, yeah, let me know if you're in the no filter filter gang, because sometimes I'm not anyway.

Speaker 1: 2:14

So I wanted to talk about this Dove advert. So Dove has been in existence since like the 1950s and is one of the like most well-known beauty brands, like or cosmetic brand like, worldwide, and they have massively contributed to beauty standards, to upholding them and to reinforcing them. And then they released this advert about a girl and it was a very emotional advert about how there was, like, this young girl and she was very happy and full of life and then she started to become obsessed with her weight and then she developed an eating disorder, but then she recovered from it and then, you know, the advert was like you're beautiful just as you are, and that sent me spiraling guys, I'm not gonna lie, because one it is absolutely fine to be who I am, as I am, who I stand here and now, without a big beauty brand telling me that it's okay. Now, in Dove's defense, it can change its narrative and I do think that it's healthier that it's changing its narrative. But you know, the damage has already been done for the, you know the, the society that we live in now, and it will change for our children. Hopefully it'll change our children and grandchildren going forward. And so I understand that a company can change its narrative, but now I can't help but feel it was just very inauthentic. So there were multiple girls on this advert with multiple different eating disorders and about how they're in recovery and how they're beautiful as they are now that they've gained weight, and I just felt like the messaging was so off, like it was so off. So we have this huge beauty brand that has profited millions and billions of pounds worldwide to basically make people feel less than they are, to feel less than worthy and that this product that they are selling would make you worthy or make you beautiful or make you whatever. They profited off that and now they have basically straight up exploited vulnerable people with mental health illnesses for profit and gain. That is the society that we live in.

Speaker 1: 4:17

So, if you are buying dove products, like all the best to you, honey, because, like you, you know that's something that you're supporting, and usually I don't really speak this frank or this horrible, I guess, about a brand, about anything. I never do this about organisations or brands. I hate those people actually. So, yeah, I'm being one of those overpowering people who's, like you know, it's all or nothing. It's absolutely not all or nothing. Like do I buy beauty products? Yes, I do. Will I buy from Dove again? Absolutely not, because you cannot flip the script and then profit off vulnerable people's mental health.

Speaker 1: 4:52

That's ultimately what they've done as a brand, and I'm not saying that those women didn't consent or whatever, but the way it was portrayed was very underhanded and just. I guess, like you know for me that those women obviously made a choice and they and they consented to the advert and they went along with it and probably got paid a really good sum of money, which you know good on them. I totally get that. But actually imagine being that person who is recruiting people for with eating disorders to tell their story and to share childhood footage of them in hopes of becoming a brand that is seen to be woke and to be forward-facing and to be all embracing of self-love and self-empowerment. It just feels a bit icky. Even though on the Dove website it says they've been doing it for the last 14 years, I've never seen any adverts in the last 14 years to represent that. There's nothing that really stands out about them being a very equal or equality focused brand. Okay, because if it was, it would stand out from the rest, which is literally whitewashed, skinny women, which has the you know the token ethnic person or plus size person or disabled person, to show that they're diverse and this is the beauty standards that we are dealing with.

Speaker 1: 6:09

So these are big money hungry corporations that are designed to make you feel less than you are, and that's how we are conditioned through society. That's how we are conditioned through our childhood, through our adolescence into adulthood, and we are conditioned on a on a range of things our body size, our body type, our body shape, our body color. How many times are we shamed if, like our skin tone is not even you know, we are shamed, you know, in other cultures, for example, body, like you know, the shade of your skin is is shamed, you know. And then obviously that feeds into like racism and all that other stuff as well. We get constantly conditioned of, like able-bodied people are like the only people in the world that actually know. What about the disabled people? What about people who are not, who haven't got limbs? What about people with invisible disabilities as well, that doesn't always show on the outside?

Speaker 1: 7:03

So you could be this like beautiful person on the outside but really struggle on the inside and that's never captured either. Um, and even if you know, I really genuinely think that everyone is beautiful, I kind of feel like you know, everyone is just like a fingerprint, so everyone is so unique. And if we were to put this in the material and capitalist world, like I know, know, I sound like one of these like woke people who's raging about capitalism I'm not because I engage in it's not maybe the healthiest thing. Yes, I do, because you know it kind of always it's designed to make us feel like we never have enough and we will never be good enough. And that is how the capitalist society works. It's constantly getting us to chase the next dream, or to buy this cream, or to buy this lotion, or to buy this thing, because that is that's what's going to make you look beautiful. And then also in the media, you have conflicting views of what an ideal body type is. So that means that nobody ever has an ideal body type. And then we are constantly folk, you know, reinforced with positive, negative messages about how we look as women, how asian is a really bad thing, when actually asian is such a privilege.

Speaker 1: 8:24

There are so many people in this lifetime that never, never reach 30, 40, 50, 60. You know, I was talking to somebody the other day and they were saying that their nan is 87 years old and that their grandfather is 93 and they still are able-bodied and able to walk around and get things done. I was like, do you realize how like amazing that is to live to that age? And you know what? That woman at 87 is not giving a shit about her wrinkles. She is living her life and just trying to stay happy in, you know, the body that she has. Like we will not care about aging as we get older. We will just kind of care about our experiences and our life experiences and imagine going through your entire life hating yourself because society conditioned you that way. It's just.

Speaker 1: 9:10

I just kind of came to this realization a few years ago when I was an adult and I'd never worn a bikini before like it's. It really damaged my body image and I was bullied as a child. Like I got bullied so bad at school for being fat. I had to change schools. Like that was ultimately it, and I always had a complex about how I looked at my body and how I'm fluffy and enjoy. You know, I enjoy it now like I love being, I love being soft and I love like the fact that my, my squishy arms hug my friends and give them comfort when they're sad. My squishy belly, it's just comfort for me when I just want to have a nice sleep, or do you know what I mean? Like I've learned to embrace these things about me which I used to really, really hate, and it took a long time. It took a real, real long time and a lot of effort and a lot of reframing my mind and a lot of reframing how I view society and how I view brands and how I do things like, for example, like I only buy my skincare from Lush because they use mostly natural products and it's handmade in the UK and when you flip a Lush product over, you can see all the green in it and it's owned by a family stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 10:24

I can't be ethical at every single turn that I make in my life and it's impossible to do that in modern society. And, to be quite frank, I'm very busy and if I had time to be making sure that everything I had in my life was ethically sourced, I would do it, but sometimes I just don't have the time. But I like to go to Lush. I like their natural products and I like to to use that, and also their advertising is very diverse.

Speaker 1: 10:48

I always feel like it's never one body type, like when I think of a particular brand, like if I say to you Estee Lauder or if I say to you Clinique, do you automatically think of a specific stereotype of woman that is associated with that brand, because they have very clear and consistent marketing messages about these upper level brands, which is fine, but that doesn't fit me and that doesn't, you know, replicate me. It doesn't represent me. I very rarely see people in the media that look like me. So I see beautiful plus size women who have a fantastic shape. Um, I see lovely, slim women who have a fantastic shape. I see women with slim women who have a fantastic shape. I see women with hourglass shape, but I never see anybody who's got like a tummy and just like hip dips and all of that type of stuff. I had to actively go search that out on social media and that was a huge point for me of like turning my life around and turning my body image around and turning my mental health around. Now, like when I was younger, I definitely struggled, so I was like I wasn't very big.

Speaker 1: 11:51

I was quite voluptuous as a young, as a young person, and then between um leaving college and going to university, I started over exercising and under eating. I felt like this was healthy because I had limited knowledge around nutrition and exercise and how it affects the body. All I knew is I was losing three, four, five pound a week and it was great and I went all the way from like a size 18, 20 to a size eight and all I got told was oh, you look amazing, you look incredible, you look like this. And when I was unable to maintain that weight, when I got to university I stopped eating. I just went, I'm not eating anymore and I stopped eating. And then I would eat four 500 calories a day. Day. I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. I would drink 12 cans of coke zero a day, really really harming my body, and everything in pursuit of maintaining my body shape, which when I look back at pictures now, I look at how ill I looked, I look at how depressed I was, because food fuels your brain. You know, like what we eat is so important in terms of our brain function. So with all of that I was just a bit like, oh, wow. When you look back in hindsight you're like oh my god, you look terrible. I'm glad you've put on some weight because you know you could tell I wasn't healthy. My eyes were sunken, like I could. You could see bones. I was a size 8.

Speaker 1: 13:08

My body and my stature is not meant to be a size A, like I always feel like. I'm supposed to be a size 12 to 14, you know, where your body just has a comfortable weight and it just kind of sits there. At the moment, I'm more of a 14 16, so you know I don't feel as comfortable, but I feel like this is the weight I'm supposed to be. Do you know what I mean? I'm not supposed to be bigger. I'm not really supposed to be smaller, it's just who I am. So when I stopped eating, um, I could only maintain that for so long, um, and when I, literally when I told my mum about it, she tried to force feed me and I said no, and then, uh, she took me to the doctors who said, basically, basically, if I don't eat, I'll be sectioned. So I had very poor support from that.

Speaker 1: 13:54

Meanwhile, I'm still on social media. I'm still on, like you know, I'm following very detrimental things that are encouraging these behaviors and, you know, fueling my mental health. And obviously, when you're food we are not eating food when you're not drinking water, when you're not really really caring about yourself, your mind goes to some really dark places. And obviously, because I was not and I was not, I was, it's 12% under my body weight I was not classed as anorexic, and and then, when I started to eat again. That's when I kind of stepped into bulimia and I was there for a very long time. Then I eventually like switched that like obsession around food into exercise. So I was exercising all the time and that wasn't healthy either, but it took me a step into being able to become more healthy and more regular because I would eat more to exercise more. I was still over exercising and not resting my body and it took a really, really long time for me to get into a healthy rhythm with that and not to feel guilty after eating and like.

Speaker 1: 14:53

This is the impact that this is what society has as an impact on me. And I do learn stuff from like your parents as well. Like my mum was always on a diet. My mum still goes to Slimmer World now. Like she's always been on a diet and I'm not blaming her, but obviously that's the way that she's been conditioned. Like, oh, you always need to be on a diet as a woman, you need to be in a in a particular shape.

Speaker 1: 15:14

So for me, like it was just such a detrimental thing for my mindset, for my mental health and to worry about food constantly and it consumes you and it's so, so, so, exhausting. I can't even explain it. So when I started to exercise regular, when I started to eat regular, when I started to kind of change the way that I feel, I still had this very like deep hatred for myself from years of like beating myself down and letting comments from people that didn't really matter like ringing my ears and just yeah, it was just one of those things which I would constantly beat myself up, maybe negative to myself, to force myself to lose weight. I never lost weight with love and affection. I always lost weight from a place of negativity. And that's when it became really hard to sustain it, because beating yourself up every day is not very nice and you eventually get fed up and worried about you know not very nice and you eventually get fed up and worried about you know not worried about you get fed up and just pissed off with it really. So you kind of give up. So I just decided one day I wanted to have a more healthier mindset. I just remember just thinking like, right, this is going to be hard. I really need to learn to love myself and I would also like vision myself as somebody a lot bigger than what I was like.

Speaker 1: 16:33

I had body dysmorphia. I have body dysmorphia. I have body dysmorphia to the point that I don't even see myself properly in photographs. It is dysmorphed in the way that I look in mirrors and the way that I look at myself in photographs. Like I will take a photograph and then I'll look back and look totally different and I know that's quite a normal thing, but like I see things that are literally not there or I see, yeah, it's just a really horrible, horrible existence, um, to have when you have body dysmorphia because you kind of just feel like you're so disconnected from your who you are. Like how do you know who you are if you can't even visualize what you actually look like on the outside? It's uh, yeah, it's kind of a mind-boggling thing.

Speaker 1: 17:15

I've really worked to like overcome it or just come to terms with it and just accept it. That it's okay, that I don't understand that and that's just something I don't get, but I do make an effort. So in my appearance I always have, and that's just so that I look good, I feel good and I and I do what I do. Like I love my hair being done, I love wearing a little bit of makeup. I wear a lot less now because I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin and I do like wearing fake tan because it just makes me feel a bit more glowy. So I do engage in beauty standards, in beauty regimes. I'm not sitting here saying that I don't. What I'm saying is I'm doing it from a place of love and nourishment, not hating myself because the beauty standard told me I'll never be enough unless I tan or I do this or I look a particular way.

Speaker 1: 18:00

There's been a big mindset shift from my subconscious and my conscious mind and it was hard. I had to sit with myself naked in the mirror. I used to kind of say affirmations to myself in the mirror and I would cry and I would cry. I would look at like versions of myself when I was, when I was thinner, when I was bigger, and just be like you're worthy then and you're worthy now. I listened to other podcasts about how people overcome and live with the body that they're in like.

Speaker 1: 18:30

It took a long time to undo everything I'd been taught and everything I'd also reinforced myself and when I started to do my life from a really healthy and lovable state of me, like wanting to nourish myself and live a happier, healthier lifestyle. It was so much more easier to maintain and I was a lot happier. Lifestyle it was so much more easier to maintain and I was a lot happier. The pressure wasn't on. I would really get the benefit of the happy hormones from exercising. I wouldn't feel completely crippled with guilt if I ate something and also like I would ask myself what value does this bring to me? So I started to eat more nourishing food. It doesn't mean that I didn't, like you know, eat the old dominoes or whatever. Of course I did like and at the moment I bloody live off Greg's because I haven't got time to go anywhere else sometimes. But that isn't a forever thing and I'm learning to cook more now and getting into that swing of things.

Speaker 1: 19:20

But what I'm trying to say is that there was a shift for me and when you start having these shifts into this space of love and care and appreciation for yourself, healthier lifestyles become normal. They become something that you just do and weight loss is a natural side effect of that. And imagine being able then to lose weight and be like I love who I am now and like whatever happens for me, nourishing myself and looking after myself is a bonus. So really flipping your mindset and flipping the script and going you know what? I'm not going to listen to a beauty standard. Say I'm never going to win, so I'm just not going to play the game. That is ultimately it. I just stopped playing the game. I just decided enough is enough. I'm not going to allow other things to dictate, dictate to me what I should feel like about my body.

Speaker 1: 20:11

Like I was saying earlier, our bodies are so unique, they're like fingerprints. If we put this into the material world, we would actually be such a high value item. Think about what it would be like to be a once in a lifetime, once like the only product in the entire world, like if we put into a material setting, we would be priceless, we would be so valued, we would be so like incredible. Like that, yeah, it just wouldn't. It just yeah, like. It just kind of baffles me really, and you know, every wrinkle, every cellulite, every stretch mark tells a story about your life and like and you, and that's what makes you you and you know.

Speaker 1: 20:52

Going back to the advert by Dove earlier, we shouldn't have to wait for big beauty brands to go oh, it's all right to be yourself now. No, no, no, it's always been OK to be me. It's always been fine to be me. What's not been OK is to be told that I'm not and I just feel like now I've found like this love for myself and this security for myself and about my body and the way that I look. It does. You know, it's not always 100%. Like you know, we all have bad body days, but in those bad body days I don't hate myself. I still tolerate myself and even if you can't get to the point where you love yourself but you can just tolerate yourself, you're still winning my love.

Speaker 1: 21:31

Honestly, being able to do something where you can just tolerate yourself and you're okay with being you, that is a huge step away from hating yourself, which we are totally conditioned to do through society, through parenting, through our peers, through education, through everything. We are just conditioned that we always need to be doing more. We always need to be pushing more, especially as women. We need to be doing everything and more in order to be the best version of ourselves. And guess what? The end goal? That, with beauty standards and with financial and material wealth, there's never. There's never an end. It's a bottomless black hole and a void that you will continue to fill and fill and fill and fill and you're never going to get to the top. So just dig yourself a different hole. What makes you happy? What makes you feel authentic? What are you proud of about yourself? Just stop playing the game and just embrace yourself for who you are. Like embracing yourself is one of the most liberating feelings that you could ever have in this lifetime.

Speaker 1: 22:33

And imagine not having to worry about how you look. Imagine waking up in the morning and not dreading looking in the mirror like I. This was my existence, but it's not anymore, because I made the choice to change. I made the choice to say no, and it wasn't easy and it was hard and I needed consistency to do it, but it's just opened my world up to something that I never would have had otherwise my quality of life, my fulfillment in life. It's all just so much more now.

Speaker 1: 23:03

And you know, I guess I have a privilege of being mid-size, because I'm not like plus size but I'm not slim, like I'm kind of mid-size. But yeah, I don't really feel like I'm represented in the media and I don't, and I don't see other people body shapes like me often, but that should reinforce to me like that's really cool and that's actually making me even more unique. And my body shape, my body shape is completely unique to me and I'm just really proud of that, you know. And my body shape will be for some people and my body shape won't be for some people, and you know what. That's none of my business. What other people think of me is none of my business.

Speaker 1: 23:45

Um, as long as I'm happy and I'm having fun, and if anyone were to make a comment, comment at me, I'm like you are just so low vibrational that if you have to go and be negative about other people, you are not my type of people, so I don't care about them. I choose to not give a single hoot about what other people are going to say about me on the beach or whatever. I'm going to rock up in a bikini. In Brazil, I walked down the beach with my ass out because I was in the thong bikini, like I did not care. I probably wouldn't do that, you know, in Bowery Island because gross, but in Brazil I just felt so free and so liberated to just be me and I would constantly get compliments just because I was confident.

Speaker 1: 24:25

Yeah, confidence is key. Confidence is the key to life. Confidence is the vibration, it's the energy. And guess what your energy can be as sexy or as attractive as you like, just as you are now. As you're sat here now listening to this podcast or walking, whatever you're doing, you can be magnetic, you can be sexy, you can be beautiful, you can be a fucking goddess right now in the body you're already in, so you don't have to strive for the next thing, you don't have to strive for anything. You can just be present now and appreciate yourself for who you are. And that's my pep talk.

Speaker 1: 25:01

I kind of want to do some affirmations to finish off this podcast. I don't often do this, but I just feel like I've kind of ranted on about body, I image and mental health and how it's impacted me, and the biggest thing for me was using affirmations to rewire my brain and just to give me a different sense of what, what's going on and how I can look after myself and how I can change my mindset and how I can embrace myself for who I am. So we're going to do some affirmations. You can just listen to them, but what I will do is I will say an affirmation and then give time for you to repeat it afterwards.

Speaker 1: 25:39

So the first one I am beautiful just as I am. I am worthy of love in any form of my physical appearance. I am a baddie. I am unique and no one looks like me and that is special. And the last one I'm just gonna say I love me and give yourself a hug. Like you're an amazing person. Like you're amazing, beautiful person. You know, everyone is amazing. Everyone is. Everyone brings something to the table. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and you're more than just how you look on the outside, like your energy, your vibration, your vibe is way, way more attractive than any outfit you have on. Your confidence that shines through is way more attractive than any sort of diet could make you like. Honestly, I promise you, the minute you start to become secure in yourself, you will radiate confidence. Your life will change.

Speaker 1: 27:03

So that's been my podcast today, guys. I know it's kind of a bit of a ranty, longy one and I have been a bit pushy about some things and yeah, I don't really like to be like that, to be honest. But I just felt very strongly about this one today because it's quite close to home for me and I hope that this has shed some light on some stuff for you. I hope it's encouraged you to embrace yourself as you are, because you are fucking beautiful and I'm sending so much love and so much care and so much appreciation for you for showing up and listening to my podcast and listening to me ramble on.

Speaker 1: 27:38

So, with all that being said, guys, I'm gonna wrap it up here. Thank you so much for listening. You know the deal by now like subscribe, leave a review. You know, if you want to catch me on social media, I'm on social media instagram me, email me, visit my website, buy some stuff from my store, do whatever you want to do, babe. Do whatever you want to do and I will catch you next week. Have a great week, thank you.