Becoming a Spiritual BADDIEEEEE: Healing Through Spiritual Self-Acceptance and Inner Child Work

Have you ever felt like the person staring back at you in the mirror was a stranger? Join me as I open up about my journey from childhood trauma and self-hatred to finding spiritual self-acceptance. In this heartfelt episode, I share candid stories of battling disordered eating and navigating unhealthy relationships that left me feeling empty and unfulfilled. Discover how the isolation during COVID-19 became a catalyst for change, pushing me to confront my dissatisfaction and embrace body positivity and self-compassion. Listen as I recount the transformative power of reconnecting with my spirituality and intuition through tarot reading, which helped me carve out a unique and fulfilling path.

Moving beyond personal struggles, I dive into the importance of self-love and the profound impact of understanding my inner child’s wounds. Through tarot and an intense Reiki journey, my path to spiritual awakening unfolded, leading me to overcome limiting beliefs and embrace my spiritual identity. I'll also talk about the stigma surrounding spirituality and how finding a supportive sister circle transformed my healing practice. Wrapping things up, I introduce my 10-week group coaching program designed to heal inner child wounds and parental traumas, helping participants achieve true empowerment and liberation. Come along on this journey of growth, self-empowerment, and authentic living.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello and welcome to Find your Inner Glow, the podcast that focuses on mind, body and soul, and I am your host, kirsty Harris. I am a spiritual transformation coach and an intuitive healer. I have been helping women for years and years and I am here just to give you the knowledge that you need to really tap into your essence and find your inner glow. So get comfortable and let's get into today's episode. Hi everyone, I am back and I do have a bit of a stuffy nose and a sore throat, so if I sound very husky, then you're so welcome for this sexy voice today. But I just was thinking about things and the journey that I've been on and I thought I would share about my path to accepting myself as a spiritual person. I actually did a couple of Instagram stories on this not long ago, but I just thought, oh my god, I have so much I want to say. So this is where I fired up the mic and now I'm here to talk about it because I think it might help other people understand that what they're going through can be completely normal. So I'm going to start right back with little Kirsty, okay, obviously, when I went through my childhood, there was trauma. I didn't remember a lot of it, and that's okay because I've started to do the work on that now. But what's really, really important was the realising that I actually used to really fucking hate myself, like violently hate myself. So as I grew up, especially through my teenage years and early 20s, oh my god, I was so wounded. I was doing things that were not good for me whatsoever, so I would do things like be really horrible to myself. I would be horrible to my body. I went through a very disordered eating thing with my life because I couldn't cope with it. Like I just felt like I needed to punish my body and my body would never, ever be enough. I felt like I wasn't enough. I would attract just partners that were unhealthy for me. They were unhealthy relationships. They were definitely codependent relationships and I wanted to get everything that I needed from my partner, which is a really, really heavy burden to put on to somebody else. Okay, so as I got into my six-year relationship now disclaimer he was not a bad person, but he did not know how to love me in the way that I needed to be loved at that time and I think it was a big learning experience for both of us and I think that's why we were together and ultimately why I ended the relationship, because I knew deep down I wasn't going to be happy, even though I had people tell me this is the best you're ever going to get it. And don't get me wrong.

Speaker 1: 2:41

I lived on the edge of the Cotswolds in a detached three bedroom house with a dog, with my partner who earned a lot of money. I worked part time. We would go on holiday whenever I wanted to go on holiday, like it was a cushy life. It was a cushy life but I was so deeply fucking unhappy with myself that meant that this would show up in my relationship and we eventually moved into that state of friendship and companionship. But we didn't grow together, we grew apart. Which is absolutely key in any relationship is to grow together, not to grow apart, and I didn't do that. I grew apart from him and that's because I needed to go on a completely different journey that he probably would never go on in his life, because he's not like a super spiritual person and I needed to go down that spiritual. Because he's not like a super spiritual person and I needed to go down that spiritual path. I've always been super spiritual and I just kind of felt like I locked myself away from that because I didn't really want to accept it. So COVID happens I start to really dive in deep to my spiritual journey. But also I had to like meet myself with some compassion.

Speaker 1: 3:41

I moved to Newport in the middle of COVID, with nobody around me. My parent, like my mum, is in Swansea that my entire life was in Bristol. I was in COVID. We were locked down, like it was a really, really difficult time and I all I had was myself. It's not, you know, I did. I did have people I could call on. I did have friends I could call on. I did have friends I could call on, but all I had was myself. In the light of day, all I had was myself. When the door closed and the curtains closed, all I had was myself and all I had was this deep feeling of dissatisfaction and just hating myself for everything that I was, everything that I'd done, and I just had this epiphany, one day of like this is enough. Enough is enough. We, I don't have to go around hating myself anymore.

Speaker 1: 4:31

And this is when I started to practice more of the body positivity stuff. I did previously get into this, but this was when I started to just start to tell myself things that were nice, that I didn't necessarily need to believe in, but I absolutely needed to change things. I absolutely needed to change my entire fucking life, because I couldn't carry on living like I was. I was depressed, I was sad, I was anxious, I hated everything. I would constantly attract the most bizarre men and don't forget, dating is always a mirror. When we are dating, we are, we are showing up and we are being a fucking mirror to our experiences and to the values that we have, and I was attracting just crazy people. So I was like, right, okay, I need to probably sort my shit out. So I started off with body positivity and I'd always been spiritual before, and then this was when I started to dive deeper into tarot reading, and so I got my cards and I started to learn and I started to really connect with myself, my intuition and things started to really change for me.

Speaker 1: 5:34

And then I started to slowly realize I'm a completely unique person, because if you know, like you know, if you're on this spiritual path, your journey will not be exactly the same as somebody else's. You may have elements that coincide or overlap, or you know, somebody you meet might be able to see themselves in you in certain ways, but your journey is completely unique to you, just like your entire experience here on the earth plane is your unique experience, which you know. Some people believe that you have soul contracts which you signed up and said that, yeah, I'm going to learn all these lessons and do. I did not read the fine print on mine for sure but if you believe that, then you believe that you're here for a purpose and I don't know how I feel about that. I just kind of, I guess I it brings me some sort of comfort, so I don't dismiss it, but I'm not a hundred percent. Like I totally fucking believe this and that's how I think you should be in spirituality. Like not everything will be relevant for you, not everything will resonate with you. Not everything will be relevant for you. Not everything will resonate with you. Not everything is going to be something that you need to pursue and understand.

Speaker 1: 6:38

Now, for me, I kind of started to tap in more to like understanding myself and finding my voice, because I was a little drone, I was so desperate for external validation because my inner child was so incredibly wounded. I was so out there, like I really just want to be accepted by people, I want to be loved by people, but underneath it all, I just I really needed to just love me for me and know I was enough and I was perfect for just who I am today and who I was then, like there was nothing wrong with me then. I'm obviously a lot more healed and a lot more put together than what I was back then, and I'm also a lot happier as well, by the way. But I there was nothing wrong with me. There's, no, there's never ever been anything wrong with me.

Speaker 1: 7:24

These are just the beliefs that kind of came up in my mind and limited. You know, they were limitations. They stopped me from doing things. They stopped me from engaging fully in my relationships or being incredibly intimate on different levels. It stopped me from doing the healing work a lot sooner, because I thought this was just how I was going to be for the rest of my life. But that was it. I made the one percent change. I decided to say to myself I'm changing. I need to just even open my mind up to think that this could be different for me, and guess what it fucking was? It wasn't could. It was available to me and, as I like, I started to dive in deeper. So tarot was one of my things that I dived deep into.

Speaker 1: 8:05

Then I went through my Reiki journey, which opened up so much and brought up a lot of stuff that I needed to deal with, and it kind of happened really really quickly. Quickly it was like boom, boom, boom, like these things that obviously were wounds from childhood which, to be honest, now I look back, it was really incredibly obvious it was inner child work that I needed to prioritize. But I was just trying to stick a plaster over gaping wounds going oh, if I just love myself, this will go away. But actually sometimes we need to unpack the things and we need to unpack them, look at them, put them neatly in the box and then store that box away. And that's what inner child work is like. You will always have a connection to your inner child because you're gonna embrace fun and energy and you know nostalgia and do things that you love to do as a child, like that's really a natural thing to do. But when you look at your parental wounds and you love to do as a child, like that's really a natural thing to do, but when you look at your parental wounds and you start to look at that, you can then start to heal those parental wounds and then you don't have to look at that again. Why? Because you healed it, it's done.

Speaker 1: 9:04

I don't believe that we will, as beings, be 100% healed in this lifetime. I think that's an unattainable, an unattainable goal goal. But what we can do is become deeper connected to ourselves. We can really understand that, we can become comfortable with who we are, we can embrace who we are, we can love who the fuck we are, just as we are as spiritual beings.

Speaker 1: 9:26

So, yeah, going back to my Reiki journey, that was really intense, especially, um. So Reiki one was probably my biggest jump. And then I went through Reiki two and I was like, okay, cool, I can take. So Reiki one was probably my biggest jump. And then I went through Reiki two and I was like, okay, cool, I can take that Reiki three, where you're a master. I was very excited for that. That was really cool. And then, yeah, we moved into the master teacher and, oh my god, that wrecked me for months, like the attunements, everything I went through in that Reiki master, oh my god, it was just a profound change for me and that was really where I started to see who I was and realize what my life purpose was.

Speaker 1: 10:05

And I've always wanted to help people. I always have. And now I just know it's through healing. And ever since I that and I started to embrace that, my healing journey for the healing I deliver to other people has massively changed. And now, especially, how I have my connection with my spirit guides, they guide me through the healing which is so incredibly beautiful. It's not just your standard Reiki anymore, it is actually a healing session which is so beautiful to be able to give to people. And people come away from me going, oh my God, that was so intense. And I'm like, yes, I needed that, I wanted that, I wanted that for you.

Speaker 1: 10:40

So with all of this going on, I had to really accept that I was a spiritual person. And guess what? Those limiting beliefs came back in tenfold. They were like, oh, you're going to be weird. I used to have the thought you will never get a partner if you're this spiritual and I was like, okay. So I felt like I had to hide this side of me. I had to hide this deeply spiritual version of me because I wasn't going to be accepted in my community. I wasn't going to be accepted by other people. It was just a real big mind fuck, if I'm being completely honest. And I just, yeah, I slowly started to come out a little bit to my friends and I lost friends, but then I made friends and then I went through this experience at the real early part of my business where somebody had started a circle and then left the circle and I was asked to continue it and that is now what my sister circle is. And when I started to do that, I was surrounded by a load of people who just completely accepted me for who I was and I never had that before Like that.

Speaker 1: 11:41

Being open to receive that level of love and acceptance was unreal, especially as a spiritual person, because you do get stigmatized like, oh, you don't look spiritual or oh, you're crazy, and that's all from people who don't get it. But then when you do find the people who get it, oh my God, it's. It's just the excitement is unreal. And that added this other layer of validation which, yeah, I didn't feel like I needed validation from men anymore. I needed validation from other people. That being spiritual was okay and that did reinforce the foundational stuff I had already done, like by healing my inner child, by doing the healing work, by just accepting I am a spiritual person, regardless of how weird it might be, like I literally talk openly to most people.

Speaker 1: 12:26

Now you have to know when to wear your mask, for example, when I'm in my corporate job. I can't be like my spirit guide says that you're fucking full of shit. Do you know what I mean? Can't be out here being 100% authentic in every situation because I'm in a very corporate position at the moment and if I started to do that, I think I would get referred to for mental health support. But it's a really good, stark contrast of my life and then my work life. It's. I actually really enjoy it.

Speaker 1: 12:57

I think it's quite fun because I can see things showing up for different people and I'm like he and you kind of like um, seek out the spiritual people. Like I knew, like I was in a meeting once, I knew this woman was spiritual, I fucking knew it. And then I, um, went on like I think it was like, oh, I went to like a particular thing and I knew, and like I saw her name and I was like yeah, I fucking knew it was her and I checked her up on Instagram. I was like, yes, I knew you were spiritual and you start to find out and reach out to these people who are also spiritual. But in the corporate world they do exist and I've often had conversations with people about do spiritual men exist? And absolutely they do.

Speaker 1: 13:34

I've come across some deeply spiritual men in my time and they do exist, and guess what? Men who are like open to you. Even with my most toxic ex-partner. He was open to my spirituality. Yeah it, we did not work out at all, but he was still open to my spirituality and that kind of proved to me okay, even if I can have a shit relationship, he's still open to my, to my spiritual side. So I don't need to hide this.

Speaker 1: 14:00

I used to always call it being like in my spiritual closet and then I came out of my spiritual closet and started to embrace who I am. And guess what only good things have happened by by doing this. I've stopped resisting life so much by just accepting I am who I am. I can't change. Change it. Well, I can change it. I can do the healing work, but I can heal myself and I can only get better from now. It's a monumental change in my perspective and in my life and in my self-acceptance. So accepting myself as a spiritual person hasn't always been clear cut, but what I needed to do was work on the fundamentals first, so I needed to work on accepting my body. I needed to work on accepting who I was. I needed to work on the fundamentals first, so I needed to work on accepting my body. I needed to work on accepting who I was. I needed to work on understanding that love comes from within and you can only love other people to the level that you love yourself.

Speaker 1: 14:53

Now, when I meet people or I date something I dated a very nice person last year and I had deep feelings for him and they're like, oh, oh, my god. I remember this moment of like us laying in bed together and we were cuddled up and I just had this feeling of safety and this feeling of love and I'd never really felt that before to that extent, and now I kind of I reflect on that memory so, so positively. We were at different points of our life where it just never was going to work for us, but I think I needed to meet him to show that this could be possible, to be with somebody who's inherently safe and lovely, and I do often think about him. Now I don't message him or anything because I'm like go live your life. I don't want to be like dragging back to that memory, but I do think about that now. But guess what, through like embodying that experience to understanding and being able to feel that I now feel that for myself, I can raise that feeling of love and safety within myself and like that just makes you vibrate at a different level and I feel like when I've been doing my inner child work, I've been resetting so much about me and now I'm learning about relationships.

Speaker 1: 16:06

Now I'm doing a deep dive into relationships, what they are, what I need to look for, how they need to show up for me, and I feel like, yeah, I feel like I'm just learning about relationships for the first time because I'm I've let go of so many unhelpful patterns. I'm learning about relationships now and knowing that when I step forward into a relationship, it's not going to be a codependent relationship, it's going to be very much me as my individual self with my individual friends, and that relationships are hard work and that they need and it's a project that you have to work on and continue to communicate with your partner and everything. I've been very much enjoying learning about relationships and speaking to people who I would consider in successful marriages and, yeah, learning their advice. And I definitely think I want a life partner and I want to have that marriage, which is a constant. It's constant of learning about each other, growing with each other and having that life partner. And I have no doubt I will get it, because I am now in a state of I love myself enough to feel like I'm worthy of this.

Speaker 1: 17:12

When before I used to tell myself I'm not having children, I'm not getting married, because it was easier for me to take control of a situation and say to myself I'm not having those things, because then I wouldn't be disappointed when they didn't happen. Now I'm like fuck, yeah, that's happening, it's in my life path. You know I'll be like 34 or whenever. You know, whenever I'm going to meet this person, I'm going to meet them. But yeah, I'm very, very excited for the next sort of couple of years of my life. I am very excited and I never used to feel like that before.

Speaker 1: 17:42

I always used to think, oh my God, this is my life forever. I'm never going to have the things I want. I'm always going to work these jobs that make me feel rubbish and I'm always going to just burn myself out to a point where I'm sacrificing so much for other people that I don't leave anything left for myself. So now I feel like by doing the fundamental self-love work, by doing the stuff like, by looking deeply into your inner child, by doing that type of stuff, it has massively changed my entire fucking life. And now, on my bad days, I literally feel just okay and that's cool, and on my good days feel fucking great and I find moments of happiness in every single day.

Speaker 1: 18:23

So this is my invitation to you to really start to think about where you are in your life, how you can learn to start accepting yourself, because you are enough. You are perfect as you are. You are here as a unique being and your soul is here to live. Your soul picked your body for a reason because it's here to experience and to live life. And guess what you need to live? This thing called life is really fucking short, and if you spend the entire time hating yourself and loathing yourself, you're never going to reach your full potential of what's available to you in this lifetime. And if you're thinking, okay, cool, I don't know where to start with this inner child stuff, well, good for you.

Speaker 1: 19:01

I have my brand new group coaching program coming up. It's very, very exclusive, there are very limited places for it and we literally go through inner child connection, mother wounds, father wounds, forgiveness, attachment styles so many different things that you need to know about yourself before we dive in and we do the work. And the best thing about inner child work, like I said earlier, is that once you heal the parental wounds, you can start to really empower your relationships. But you never have to look back at it again and you get this like newfound freedom and liberation that you wouldn't normally get from just doing counseling or things like that. Like we are talking mind, body, soul experience going through this 10 week intensive course. It is basically a bit of self-learning and then every week we will have a call to go through everything and to talk about things in a very safe and therapeutic space.

Speaker 1: 19:56

So if you feel like this is this is for you, head over to my website or send me a message on Instagram, whatever you want to do, because you do not want to miss out this. If you're thinking right, I am ready for this year to be my fucking year and I want to grow and I want to be this person, I want to accept myself, I want to do the work and I want it to just be done in a place where I have a community around me who are supporting me and going through the same thing. Then you absolutely do not want to miss this. So, yeah, don't miss it. Come and talk to me, let's get you into the program.

Speaker 1: 20:26

And, with all that being said, guys, I'm going to cut the episode here. I feel like I've talked a lot today. I haven't. I came on here with no, no, no, like structure whatsoever, but I just feel like I really wanted to talk about what it was like for me to accept myself and then to accept myself as a spiritual person, because I know that people are out there juggling that they're in the, the spiritual closet. They're not sure how to express themselves, but, honestly, the best thing I ever did was to express myself for who I am, as a spiritual being. And there's still stuff now where I'm like okay, I can't say that in my corporate environment, but that's okay, you don't need to be yourself all of the time, you just need to be yourself enough of the time that makes you feel like you're living authentically to your life. So, with all that being said, let me know what you think of the episode. As always, sending you loads and loads of love, and I will see you soon.