Social Hour
#4 - City Life and Love Languages
Sarah and Megan talk about the Olympics, adjusting to city life, confidence from overcoming anxiety, and the importance of mutual respect in relationships. They ask each other some questions about marriage, changing last names, and love languages!
Sarah and Megan talk about the Olympics, adjusting to city life, confidence from overcoming anxiety, and the importance of mutual respect in relationships. They ask each other some questions about marriage, changing last names, and love languages!
Hello, and welcome back to Social Hour. I'm Megan.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:And I'm Sarah.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:And this is episode four. So let's do a little weekly recap. What have you been up to? How's your week going?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:My week's been a hot mess. when we were filming last week's episode, I just was not feeling well. Like, I didn't know, like, why or what. Just, I just felt, like, so crappy. And then, lo and behold, the next day, I started my period. Went through that whole cycle. And so, thought that I was gonna be, like, good. Cause I'm pretty sure this was my first period on my medicine. No, it wasn't a mental thing. It's clearly something that's going on in my body because had me doing the works again, so that led me to call off on Monday, unfortunately. And then like. I thought I'd feel better, but like I never really did. So then it was Tuesday and I was FaceTiming you and you're like, just door dash a COVID test, just door dash a COVID test. So then finally, reluctantly I did I tested positive for COVID. In like three minutes of doing the test. So
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:you were very obviously sick. It wasn't just like, you know, period or whatever you were like sick. You had a stuffy nose. You were kind of, you know,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:yeah, and I get sick a lot from like the daycare. Granted COVID was going around, but normally it's just like a slight little cold GI thing and then like, I'm good. But yeah, so that had me down and out for the first half of the week, which was honestly a blessing in disguise because it brings me into my next thing, which is my financial stuff that I've. Said last week that I wanted to start working on. And so on one of the days when I was sick, I started going through my finances, getting all my bills in order and all of that and I just went through and knocked them all off. I paid them all. Talked to the insurance company, talked to the medical company, it was just, it was so much, but
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. You were calling all around everywhere, like all day.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah. Like I just, I think I took my medicine that day, but I'm like, I need to call and just get this all figured out. So this is not in the back of my mind and then not that I want to get into many details, but I thought I had taken out a loan when I was younger, my mother. Put me on a wild goose chase to find out that this was just a random letter that I had gotten in the mail of what could have been. Alone. So I, I was calling the, the U. S. Department of Education. I was calling the financial aid, like the government and just like all of that. All for them to tell me that I have no, federal loan out in my name right now.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah, it was basically just a company trying to get you to get a loan through them, but the way that they worded it was really weird. It almost felt like they were telling you that you had a loan with them instead of they were kind of trying to get you to get a loan with them. So it was very confusing, the wording. So we wanted to call around everywhere just to make sure there was no loan from five years ago, somewhere out there that you haven't paid or whatever.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Right. That like, this is something that I will not forget. This has been, yeah, that was wild.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Dude, financial stuff is really stressful and it's, and it can be kind of confusing and it can be very convoluted. And sometimes you never know who's doing what, who's paying what, like who you have to pay, who you have to call it can be, it's, yeah, it's very stressful.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, because I just have like this underlying feeling that 30 years from now I'm going to get a letter in the mail and it's going to be like, you owe thousands of dollars. So I'm just like trying to cover all my bases. So I'm good in the
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:And you had COVID while doing all of that.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, so I got like double punched for my period and COVID and then knocked out a bunch of adulting stuff, which felt pretty good. So Okay, and then for my last thing this week, which has been also like, so bad is my mosquito bites. Those, the mosquitoes this year are so bad and like I feel like I can't even walk outside for two minutes without getting three or four like all over my leg and they're itchy for days.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Wait, I have a question. Is it just as bad as when we were in Texas? Do you remember how bad that was the mosquitoes? It was like full body. You went outside for 30 seconds. You had 10 bites.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:no, I like, I feel like I don't even see the mosquitoes at all. Like, I don't, if I saw them outside, I would go and put on bug spray or I would just go inside. But when I'm out there for like five minutes just to water my plants and go pick my vegetables, I come back in and I'm like, Oh, what's that? And it's just, I don't realize like I have them like until I come inside.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. And if you're only going out there for five minutes, bug, I hate the feeling of bug spray. Then you stink and you have like, you, like the smell is so strong and you feel sticky and you feel gross. And then it's like, okay, I have to go outside for five minutes, water my flowers, and then I have to take a shower when I get back in, just because I had to put bug spray on.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Honestly, while you bring that up, When I come inside from out in like my garden, I have one, two, three, three raised beds, a tomato barrel thingy, and sunflowers. And whatever's out there, like, gets my skin very irritated. Like I come in and I'm breaking out and like rashes and they're just like, they're honestly like a little bit itchy. So I pretty much do have to like come inside when I'm done, like actually working out in the garden and like full body shower because it's, I don't know what it is that like irritates my skin, but it gets. It very red and irritated. Yeah. But on another note, how was your week?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Well, on the opposite note as your week, sorry, but my week was really good.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:I love that for you.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:So I did my move to Boston. I drove from upstate New York to Boston and while it was very stressful, like very anxiety inducing because I've never lived in a big city before. Um, I have been really loving it here. It's. It's a really nice, as soon as I was pulling into the city, just seeing all the buildings and the people and the lights. It just, it just has such an energy that put me in such a good mood right away. And even though it's kind of scary cause it's unfamiliar, it's been really cool. I'm really enjoying it.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Now, do you find yourself wanting to go outside and like venture around more or like, what's that been like versus, um, upstate New York?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Oh my God. When I was in New York, I was there for two and a half weeks and I, I did leave the house a few times just to go to the post office or the grocery store or something like that. But I really only left the house maybe once or twice a week when I was in New York. It was really bad. I was just in the house almost every day. Some days I didn't even walk outside. On the deck or anything like that. And here I've been in Boston for four days and I've gone outside every day. I've gone for a walk every day because you have to walk to do everything. And even when I don't feel like leaving the apartment, it's just so easy to just walk outside and go for a walk, because it's safe and everybody's walking around and there's so much to look at and so much to do. And so one thing I wanted to talk about with Boston that I think is really interesting is. Because it's a city, everything is kind of done more frequently and smaller. So everything is smaller, like the dishwasher is mini. So you just do your little dishes and you run it probably every day. Cause you just, you don't have that many dishes in there. The trash cans are many because you have this tiny little bag of trash. And when it's full, you bring it to the thing and then they take the trash because they don't want to deal with huge trash bags full of trash because they have to do it so often in the city. And then groceries. That's many, too, because you just You go get a few things or like one bag of groceries from the grocery store because you have to walk and carry it back. So people just go more frequently and they just get less stuff. So you go to the grocery store and you just pick up one bag full of groceries or whatever you need for that day and the next day or something like that. When I feel like, I don't know if it was just me personally, or if it was where we live, but we always. Do things in bulk. It's like if you're going grocery shopping, if you're going to Costco or Meijer, you stock up on as much as you can so that you don't have to go grocery shopping very often. And obviously you have a car. And so it was like, I was only grocery shopping once or even maybe once every two weeks or something like that.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah. I, it's funny that you say that because I've seen definitely on Tik TOK, Other people on like how they grocery shop when they like walk you through it, like step by step and how frequently they go. And it's funny because I personally would rather just buy my groceries, like, in bulk and like, not have to go to the store as much. But then with that comes so much food waste and I feel so bad and then it's just like, I'm stressed out because I'm not eating the food and then it's going bad and then just all of this stuff that goes with that. But dad. If he, if he had it his way, he'd go to the store almost every day for like, what, yes, for whatever meals from, for a long time, we would just get in the habit of like, after school, we'd like text about what we wanted for dinner. He would go pick up the stuff and then come home and make it. And then it would be just like that. And then we'd have like consistent meals, but also we were wasting as much. And I really strayed him away from that. But honestly, That might be a really good idea.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:I think it's actually a healthier way to live in general because when you go so often, you're not stressed about things going bad and you're not stressed about, Oh, well, I can only get this many berries because berries go bad in a few days and I can only get this much fresh fruit or fresh vegetables or lettuce or whatever. Cause it goes bad in a few days, but when you're getting. Tiny little servings of it and you go more often you're eating all of that and it's not going bad and it's very healthy because you're getting fresh fruits and vegetables and you're only getting what you need to make that day so you don't have a fridge full of junk or a cabinet full of junk and you're cooking more and you're kind of meal prepping more because you just have one thing to focus on. You get what you need for that one meal and then you make it.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah. No, I, I think that's a good idea, and we might start to try to implement that here as well.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. And so I think Yeah. Yeah. That's going to take some getting used to for me, but I think it's going to be good for me because one thing that I struggle with is kind of like all or nothing thinking. So it's like, if I'm going to clean the house, I have to clean the whole house and it's going to take me all day. If I'm going grocery shopping, I have to stock up for the next two weeks. Or what's the point of going? It's like, it's almost like to me when I start doing something, I need to make it worth it or something. I think it's also an ADHD thing. It's hard to start a task, but when you start that task, you just, you have a hard time stopping the task or you want to do everything all at once. So even just like doing the dishes more often. It's kind of getting me used to this mindset of like, Oh, it doesn't have to be this huge deal that, Oh, the dishes are done. I have to do the dishes. And it's like, I'm dreading doing it because I know there's a whole thing full of it and it's going to take forever, but no, it's literally just a tiny little dishwasher. It's going to take me two minutes. To unload it or like to take the trash out or to do the laundry. It's like I'm doing laundry more often'cause there's only two washers in there and so, and I have to carry it all the way. So I don't want it to be too heavy. And same for groceries, you have to carry them so you don't want them to be too heavy. And so that's even healthier for people too.'cause they don't end up getting things like soda or. Like bad drinks cause they're so heavy and stuff like that.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, all the junk foods and whatnot, that would just weigh down additional to your produce and whatnot that you have.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. So I really am leaving the house a lot more often cause I just, I just have to walk around to do everything. And I have to go grocery shopping more often, which sucks, but I think it's good because like we talked about last time, the more you have to do something, the repetition, it just makes it easier. So I think for me, that's. This is going to be really good because the more I have to clean, the more I have to, the more often I do the dishes and take out the trash and do all these things that I kind of build up in my head. Like it's really hard or it's really a big deal. You get so used to doing them so often that it's not going to be a, it's not going to have to be a big deal anymore. I think it's really going to help my mindset is what I'm trying to say. Living in a city because there's just like an energy and I feel so productive and energetic here.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, I almost feel like, um, there's like a flow, and you have to like hop on board or. Yeah,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah, there is. Yeah,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:the city, or else, I don't know. Cuz, didn't you tell me that just even walking around is so fast paced and you're in the line of moving or you need to get out of the line to, like, stop and, like, admire whatever you're looking at?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. Even when you're walking around, you kind of keep the pace of everyone around you and people walk pretty fast. So even last night, Oh, I need to talk about the concert too. But last night I was walking back from the concert and I, I was really smart about it too. I was kind of nervous to be walking in a, in a city at 10 30 at night because I'm just not a city person. And it's, it can be kind of scary. You don't know what to expect, especially if you're not used to it. And so what I was, what I would do is I would. plan my route. I would see what the map was telling me to do, which way I needed to go. And I would look around me and I was like, okay, which groups of people are, are, where are they going? Are they going this way or that way? And then I would literally fall in with these big groups and I would use their route to get like to where I needed to go. And then if there was another group, I would happen with them. And so basically I just ended up being like, Between all these groups of people walking. And so I was never walking alone at night because I was always with people. And there was like one way it wanted me to go. And I looked and it was very dark. Like there wasn't a lot of lights on that road. And I didn't see a lot of people. And I was like, not going that way. I'm just going to go this way and go around and walk with these people. And so that helped me feel really safe. But, and then we're walking up this steep Hill. There's so many Hills here. And. If I was walking by myself up a very steep hill, I would have been walking pretty slow because it's very hot. And these people were walking so fast
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:And you were trying to keep up with them.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:I was literally, I felt like I was on a hike. I was just trudging up this hill like so fast. I was like, Oh my God. So yeah, everything is just kind of like quick here. It's so funny.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:That is really funny.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah, but I was telling you the other day that I think it's so funny to be talking about this like I've lived here forever when I've been here for four days, but I think living in a city is almost gives me more confidence because everything gives me anxiety. Like I get nervous to leave at all. I was. Like the, the first time I have to do something, I'm not good at doing something new when I don't know what to expect. So the first time I had to go grocery shopping here or the first time I had to figure out a parking garage or unload my stuff into the apartment or even go, the first time I went to the park to go for a walk, I was just nervous. I was scared to do it and I try to talk myself out of it kind of, but living here I feel like has given me more confidence because I've overcome. Every single one of these things. I was scared to do it, but I did it anyways and doing that over and over and over again. It's like, wow, I can do the hard things that I was scared to do. And I think it's actually helping my anxiety.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:I was gonna ask you, now what do you feel like your level of anxiety is from the first time that you did, like, these outings to, like, now? Granted, it's been four days, but What can you tell that has changed?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:So I still need to work myself up to leave the house, which I don't think that has to do with a city. I think that's just me in general, because I had the same issue living at home in Michigan. And so I was trying to actually figure it out yesterday and I was trying to figure out. If it's social anxiety or if it's ADHD because, um, people with ADHD can really struggle with transitions. And so transitioning from a place that's like your safe place to something else or transitioning from activity to activity or transitioning from being in the house to leaving the house, those things are kind of hard to just make yourself do. But then once I'm outside, I'm totally fine. I'm walking around like I own the place. I'm, I'm totally fine. But it's like, yeah. The transition of doing it. So I do still kind of need to work myself up to do that, but I don't think that part is social anxiety. I think that's just part of the ADHD difficulty with transitions and like executive function. You know?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, and it's funny that you say that about transitioning and being able to pinpoint that because working in like a child development center, there are many children who struggle with transitions and we I'm, like, all about focusing on how to make the transitions easier and, like, more flowing in the classroom and whatnot, and I didn't even think about it for, like, transitions, like, with myself, personally, because you and I have both talked about just, like, the struggle of getting into the shower
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:I w yes. Getting into the shower is one of the biggest things that made me realize I struggled with transitions. Cause I'm fine. Once I'm in the shower, it's, it's hard to make yourself do that transition.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:It is very difficult, and just like, I called you this morning, I'm like, we have an hour till we film, like, I'm just calling you so that you can be my accountability for me to get out of bed, because I need to do it, like, now, and then, like, I got up, yeah.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:You know what the best, the best thing that I've been able to do, I think, is, you have to catch yourself before you let yourself even think about it. When you think the thought to do something, you literally have to get up right then and there and start thinking. Start to go to do it. You can't let yourself think about it because you're going to talk yourself out of it So it's like if you have this thought like, oh i'm looking at the dishwasher and it's full I should probably do that and then you're like, uh, but I wanted to do this first and I wanted to do that first And oh, maybe I should make a to do list and write dishes on the to do list and then well Maybe I should do this first and like, oh, I don't want to get off the couch And then you're so overwhelmed that you just scroll on your phone and you never do the dishes But if you get into the habit of like, you have this thought, Oh, I should probably do the dishes, stand up and start walking in that direction. That's literally all you have to do. Stand up and start walking towards the thing. And then you'll realize that you can just do that thing and it will take you literally two minutes. And by the time you made your to do list, you could have finished the dishes. You know what I mean? At least for me, that's what my thing is. So. When I'm struggling to leave the house, I try not to think about it too hard. I just start putting my shoes on and I just start doing my checks of like, do I have my wallet? Do I have my phone? What do I need? Like, and then another thing for me is doing research and planning. I actually, before I went to the store, I was so scared. I, I didn't know what to expect. I was like, well, this is a big city. Do they have shopping carts? Do people bring carts? Do they, what do they do? So I went on Google and I looked at the photos and I was scrolling through all the photos of the store, like trying to get familiar with like the layout of the store and what people are doing and if they're having carts or if they're holding baskets and like, it sounds so stupid, but like,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:but that's, so smart. That's so smart.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:So like the more information I have about something, the more comfortable I feel going to do it. And then I feel better next time about doing it. Cause I know what to expect.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Oh, yeah, and I definitely feel the same way too of like if there's if I'm in like an unknown place or whatever I like to do my research online of like see where I'm going where I'm at like what's near me and what
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:situation like?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, exactly. And just so that I have like a better idea. And one thing that like helps so much is just TikTok too. Of just like looking on TikTok of, um, around just to see like what other people are saying about it and if there are big topics on what you're looking up and whatnot. Cause other people probably have that anxiety too.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Oh, I know. I've definitely seen people on tech tech making jokes about how they look up the parking situation. And I was like, that's so relatable. I
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Mm hmm.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:I usually use Google photos. It's really helpful. I do that for almost every new place I go, not in like a crazy way, but just really quick just to see what to expect. And I want to see what the outside of it looks like so that I know what I'm looking for and stuff like that. Um,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Cause you are only a girl in the city and you also need to make sure you're being safe.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:yeah,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:about
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:One thing that I haven't conquered yet here is public transportation. And so they have this little subway thing that's called the T. And so I was watching tick tock videos of people riding it so that I could see. What they do because I'm like, what do you do? Like, do you pay, do you have a card? And so you get this card and then you, you put money on it or something. I still don't know how the card works, but then you scan it to get in and like all this stuff and I'm like, I need to figure out this whole process before I go or else I'm never going to go use it because I'm so scared. Like, I, I don't want to, I don't really know what the fear is. Like, I'm going to get there and I'm not going to know what to do. It's like, okay, so what? Then you ask, You ask a worker or like you just ask for help. But for me, I'm like, no, I don't want to ask for help. I want to know how to do everything. I want to not look like an idiot. You know?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah. And I agree with you. I feel that way. But what if you even just like made that as your, like, not event for the day, but like your outing for the day, just going to the station and getting down there and venturing it out. And then trying to see if you can eat, like, try to get on the train to go somewhere. And then wherever you go, like, maybe, like, try to find something, do and make, like, Fun event out of it, but, um, just to, like, get more comfortable and so you're not, like, riding it for the first time, like, on your way to something that you have a, like, an appointment
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:yeah, well, what I was going to do is there's a really nice big farmer's market, but it's like a solid 25 minute walk, I think, which is like kind of far, if you're going to be carrying like vegetables and stuff back with you. And there's a, a subway stop right across the street from me, I think, and then also right across the street from that place. And so you could, you only have to walk like two minutes each time. And so I think that's going to be my first try that I use it. And that thing's on Tuesdays and Fridays, I think. So I think on Tuesday, that might be my goal because today is Sunday and we're going to put this out on Monday. But, um, I think Tuesday, that might be my goal of what I try to do is like use the little subway.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Ooh, that's exciting. I can't wait for an update on that.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. I'm excited.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Okay. So now transitioning onto, more recent topics that's going on in the world right now. Have you been watching the Olympics at all or anything?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:I've seen some clips on Tik Tok, but not really.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah. Okay. So I don't like, I'm not like a diehard. I love to watch sports type of like a thing, but like, I love the Olympics. They're like, so like interesting to me and just like seeing the best of the best from like everybody in the world, like competing and whatnot, it's just, it's wild to me, but.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:didn't know you liked the Olympics.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, I really do, and, okay, I'm, I can be a bad explainer, but the Olympics always felt like, ahhh, to me, and just like so high up and so far away, and like, you, Like, I don't know, like I couldn't go like to the Olympics or whatever, but now through like high school rowing and college rowing and like knowing people who have like been able to train with like the national team and stuff like that. It's just, it's just like a next step up. And so to see all of these athletes at this one large event where. Every sport is all like playing at the same time and it's just, I can't even imagine the excitement that's going on there and it's just, I don't know. I think it's so cool. But so the three sports that I wanted to just like briefly talk about or mention, the first one's obviously rowing. Have you heard anything about the men's rowing?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Literally nothing about rowing.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Okay, so the men's four, it is like a normal like rowing boat and it doesn't have a coxswain in it. They won first place for the first time since, I think, for the first time in 64 years, they
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Who? The US
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, the men's us, um, four. And so that was really exciting. Just like watching them like on the water and all of that. And then another sport that I think is so cool, but I'm, I wouldn't get all like into it because it's very dangerous and that just was also very scary, but surfing. I think that is so cool to watch as well.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Wait, wait, stop. They had a surfing thing in Paris.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Oh, just wait. Okay.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:do you mean?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:so in Paris, you know, all the other Olympic games were held and whatnot, and 10, 000 miles away in Tahiti and, um, cause that's one of like the best waves and like the entire world. It's called Teopo and what creates this Teopo, if I'm saying it right, wave is the fact that, so there's like a reef up like closer towards the shore. And I think the reef is about 12 feet, 12 feet from like deep or whatever in the water. And so like when all of the water is rushing in from like the deeper depths of the ocean, it's like 150 feet up to 12 feet. So it's like, there's so much water rushing in to hit, like that's hitting the reef. And then it all. Like barrels over. And so they are getting the most picture perfect, just like photos for this Olympic like games for surfing and whatnot. And there was one guy who he was like in the barrel and like when they're, do you know what the barrel is? It's like when the water curls over or whatever. And so he was like going in the barrel and I didn't know this until just recently, but. They're like, there's just compressed air in there. And so like all the air has to shoot out in like the way that the wave curves and it's called like spit. So like the barrel spits it out. And so like this guy came out, he couldn't see anything. He had his hand, both of his hands
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Oh,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:like this. And then
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:saw a guy's butt. Is that what you're talking about?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:no, I did see that one too. That one is funny, but he was like, he couldn't see anything. And then he made it out of the barrel. He knew he just. Rocked that wave. And so he did one of like the most picture perfect poses. He like launched off his board. He like shot his finger up in the air. His board was next to him. We have to put in the photo. It's so
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Oh my God. Yeah. You'll have to show me that.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:So I don't know. It,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Wait. So they have, they have the surfing part all the way in Tahiti. Is that the only one that's in a different place? That's crazy. I mean, I guess it makes sense, but
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:think so, but I don't know exactly where like the men's rowing was. I just do not know at all. But the reason that they chose Tahiti is, and I'm
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:the waves and stuff.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:well, no, but don't fact check me on this, but it's like something French, Polynesia or something like that. So it's a part of like the French, yeah. So that's how they were like. Able to do it or whatever is what I've learned, but yeah, so that stuff is wild. And I've seen all of that on just Tik TOK and watching like the games and whatnot. And then my most favorite sport to watch is gymnastics. Gymnastics is so cool. Have you heard any of the U S women's gymnastics team?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:I saw the interview that Simone Biles did afterwards where she talked about what happened with her thing and like why she messed up.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Gotcha. So I'm not exactly talking about that, but this is more so like tea with like the team. So there was, um, a girl named Michaela Skinner and I think she was on the U S women's gymnastics team last time, the Olympics. Um, Came around. And so this time, she had recorded a YouTube video and posted it. And some of the comments that she had said was that the talent and the depth just isn't what it used to be. their work ethic isn't what it used to be and they don't work as hard. They don't
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:was talking about her own team like that.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:She was talking about the current women's, um, Olympic team.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Oh, so she was on it last year, but not this year
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah. The
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:or last Olympics, but not this one. Oh,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:basically said all of that stuff about all the girls on the team except for Simone Biles and she like totally like said except for Simone, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Oh.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:And so then Michaela Skinner has won a silver medal. For whatever she did, um, last time. And so she released that video and then took it down. And then when the women's U. S. gymnastics team placed gold, Simone Biles posted on her Instagram, her caption was lack of talent, lazy Olympic champions with like a gold medal
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:No
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:whatever other emoji. Yeah. So then they did. Yeah. So I'm like, Oh, like, I don't know. She just shut her
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Clap back.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah. She definitely clapped back, and then, um, apparently there was one video of Mikaela Skinner that's like pinned on her Tik Tok. And you know, the song where it's like, it just come and go. you know I say,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:mean.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:yeah, and so she had her like a silver medal, like in front of her face or whatever. And then Simone and the girls in the Olympic team this year duetted that and then they played like the, like sound as they're like biting their gold medals. And they do
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Like the sound where you're eating. Yeah, I saw that TikTok, but I didn't know that was in response. The one I saw wasn't a duet. It was just the, them eating the medals, but.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah. I was like, wow, I'm so here for it.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:I mean, that just kind of sucks. Like talk shit on people going to the Olympics and your own sport that you were on the team last time. It's like, okay, let's be like, I don't know, encouraging or something.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Exactly. And, um, I don't know how much you know about this, but there's been so much stuff like going on in the gymnastics world and just like the past decade with like the Larry Nassar's, um, stuff. Uh, have you, do you know about that?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:About how he like mistreated, he was a doctor for gymnasts and he was even a doctor at Michigan state and yeah, so like that has longterm effects like on all of those gymnasts and stuff like that. And since then, um, from what I know to be true is there's been more rules and stuff implemented to not work the girls as hard and just like mentally drain them and beat them in the way that they talk to them and all of this stuff. And so now it's like, it's. Um, what am I trying to say?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Like there's more rules about how much they're allowed to train.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yes, there's more rules and regulations about how the girls can train and whatnot to ultimately protect them. And so, like, now that these girls are using these, um, things to help them to their advantage and whatnot, now they're being made fun of by other people from not working as hard and whatnot. But I don't know. It just, it just goes to show that if you do take the time to focus on your mental health and have a team that's not necessarily all pitted against each other, but it's a loving and supportive team that just goes to show that that can do better than what the old.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. Well, you should really watch the clip that I saw of Simone Biles interview. I think it was with Alex Cooper from Call Her Daddy. Um, but I only saw a clip of it, but it was really good because Simone Biles was talking about how, I guess, on her vault, I think it was, she lost herself in the air. Like, she didn't, she, like, She lost track of her spins and she landed weirdly and everybody was like shocked, including her team and everything. And she talks about how she had to kind of not let, let, not let her team show how shook she was about it too. She, she held herself together until afterwards because like she was very shook about it too, but she had, she's like the, um, you know, the, Senior person or whatever on the team. So she had to keep them together and encourage them. And she basically tagged in the next person. I think it was like Jordan or something, but she was basically like, you're up. Like I'm done. I can't, I can't do it anymore. Cause she's literally so lucky that she even just landed on her feet and not hurt herself really bad, you know?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:okay, so I'm pretty sure this just got released. It's called Simone Biles rising. And so the situation that you're talking about happened in the last Olympics. And so this Olympics was her comeback. And so she like totally. Like cracked like mentally back at the, I think it was the Tokyo. The Tokyo Olympics so like this whole past, like four years from then till now was her like building her confidence, getting it back and like all of this stuff. And so she talks about it a lot and Simone Biles rising. And I just watched that. So that's another like reason why I'm so like amped up on gymnastics and stuff right now. It's really good.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:I didn't know they were talking about the Tokyo Olympics. I thought that was from the most recent one. Cause they didn't give any context. That was the only clip I saw that she was interviewing her about like what happened. So obviously I figured it was from this previous one, but I just looked it up and it says they were, she was asked, the interview was in 2024, but she was asking her about what happened last time.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:and I just got goosebumps because I'm pretty sure Simone like nailed her like vault this year and like totally it just like met like just re I don't know.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Wait, so what's this Simone, Simone rising? Is it a documentary? Oh,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:it talks about, um, what ultimately allowed her to, to break in Tokyo and, um, just everything that was going on in her mind. And it also does talk about a little bit of the Larry Nassar stuff and how that affected and honestly, most of the stuff that I was telling you about just in like the past 15 minutes is,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:have to watch that.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:learned, um, from that, but
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:all she was talking about in the little clip that I saw was like the twisties. Did she explain that at all in the
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:yeah, mm
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. Like how she got the twisties. And I was like, people in the comments weren't really getting it. And I, I get it because when I. It's like, when you, when you start to think too hard about something, you almost forget how to do it, even if you know how to do it, it's like, for me, it was like, When I would try to teach people how to crochet, I, I don't know how I do it. I just start moving my hands And it happens. And then when you think too hard about it, I'm like, wait, how do I even move the hook? Which way do I do the string? And. You can't, you, you don't know. And then you, you stop thinking so hard about it and you start doing it again, naturally. And like, obviously that's a really silly example, but I can understand how someone with that much pressure, when they start thinking too hard about something, you almost forget how to do it because you're thinking about it and you have to just stop thinking about it to let your body take over. And it's like your body and your mind aren't. together. And so she was explaining that was what happened. And I was like, Oh my God, that's crazy.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, I have so much respect for her.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. She's really cool. Yeah. But not her husband. Have you seen the clips of him?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, I, I've seen like the clips of like about him and stuff and how he talks about her and whatnot, but then, you know, You see him portrayed a certain way in like the Simone Biles Rising, and I just hope she has a happy life.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Well,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:I just hope he
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:rising? Was that, is that new?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, I don't know exactly when it came out.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Well, I don't
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Oh, more episodes,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:they want.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:more episodes coming this fall. So I wonder if they were doing past Olympics and now maybe post Olympics and how she did. I'm excited. Um, okay. So now changing the subject just a little bit. Um, I have a question for you. Actually changing the subject a lot. So you were previously married and you had changed your name.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yup.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:What's your viewpoint on getting married now?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Ooh, that's a good question. So up until the last few years, I actually did want kids still, um, which I definitely don't anymore. So that actually changes things a lot for me because I was thinking I would want to get married if I had kids, you know, I want them to get to, Have married parents with the same last name and I would, I would have wanted to have the same last name as my husband and my kids. You know what I mean? But now that I don't want kids anymore, I don't really know how I feel about marriage. I think eventually I might get married again. I don't think it would be a big deal. I might just do some sort of small private ceremony somewhere special or somewhere destination or something like that. But, um, yeah, I, that's a hard one because,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Because from what I understood about it is You, like, don't even have an interest in dating right now. So, like, you're so content living by yourself. And if something did, somebody did come into the picture, then just, it's an extra bonus for you, right?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah, but actually when you put it that way and I think about the, that situation actually happening, I would want to eventually get married. Yeah.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Okay,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:That's because I feel like that's a good commitment and I wouldn't, this sounds stupid, but I wouldn't want to be like, Oh yeah, I've had a boyfriend for the past 15 years. Like this is my boyfriend. We've been together for 15 years. That's crazy to me. I would rather say my husband just to show, just to prove like we're serious or something, you know?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, just, and maybe it's the way society's, like, made it out to be, but yeah, I've had a boyfriend for 15 years. I don't know.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. And,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:it's all personal personal preference,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. And it would take a lot for me to get married again. Like I would, I would have to be, you know, and now I know, now I kind of know what to look for and what not to look for, but I would really, really have to be surely set on marriage and I'd be totally fine dating for like, I don't know, four or five years or something before I did get married, you know?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Mm hmm. Okay, so Let's say you met somebody and there is a wedding on the books Are you changing your last name
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:No.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Would would you have your own last name and your husband have his or would you? Have a conversation about him changing his last name to yours
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:If he wanted to take my last name, I would be totally fine with that, but I don't really care either way. I don't care if we have the same last name, but I definitely don't want to change my last name again.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Gotcha. I think for me, I love, I feel so strongly about our last name. We have such a good last name. Miles. Like,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Miles. It's a really good name. Megan Miles. Everybody always says I have like a superhero name. They're like Megan Miles and
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:yeah, like, so you have,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:We have a really good last name. I really like it.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:yeah. And my nicknames all throughout my life have just been like, Smiles. Cause like you take the first letter of my first name and then Miles. And so all of like, just smiles.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Wait. I have something funny. Did you, do you ever realize that? I have three siblings, and all of them are S's, and I'm the only M. And so you guys get to both be S miles smiles, and I'm not. I'm the only M. I have three siblings, and they're all S's. Isn't that
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:even realize that. Yeah. That is strange.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah, because even my mom is like a different dad or, and whatever, and that's not even your brother, but my brother's name starts with an S too. I'm like, that's crazy.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:That is really weird.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:I definitely would have a conversation with trying to have my husband change his last name.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Would you hyphenate your name?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:I don't like the hyphenated name look.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:either. It's so confusing and it's so long.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Okay, so, okay, here we go. So, I don't like the hyphenated name look. But I also, there's pro I feel like there's 1 percent chance of me where it's gonna work out where I meet somebody and like, I'm just gonna be so I guess to where like I would just like want his last name or like, or just, I don't know. I feel like there's very defining circumstances of when I would like take somebody's last name, but I would definitely push to take my last name. But I did see this tick tock recently of this. Girl, actually, haha, it's not TikTok. It's from All American. I was watching this one episode and they went to like a quince and this girl who was being honored for her quince had a hyphenated last name. And the mom went to explain as to why she had the hyphenated last name because she She's part her mom, but she's also part her dad. So instead of her, I think her mom had her maiden name, her dad had his name. And so the daughter hyphenated her name because she's like half of each and just, I don't know. Like, does that make sense or no?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah, but I don't really like that either. Would you do that to your kids? Because if you don't want a hyphenated last name, I wouldn't make them have one right from the get
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:No, I wouldn't do that unless Yeah, I don't know.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Okay, so if you did get married and you wanted to keep your last name and your husband didn't want to change his last name to yours, would you be fine having you guys, you and your husband having different last names and then your your kids taking your husband's last name and not having the same last name as you? Cause that was what was really tripping me up. If I had kids, I didn't want to have a different last name as my kids. I wanted it to be very clear that they were my kids. You know what I
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, and that's another thing. So I don't I don't know
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah, that's hard. But when you said you could see yourself, maybe if you're into it enough, changing your name, there is, there is like a scenario. I could see myself changing my name again. I'm picturing myself. You know, being so sure, being so in love and so into that person that if they had a cool last name, if they had a shitty last name, I don't think I'd do it. But if they had a cool last name, then I can see myself maybe changing it again. I
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Right, and I have two things to say about that one Since i've always felt so strongly about my last name Is it a good scenario to where i'm like so head over heels for somebody where I would change my last name? Is that like would that be a bad thing if I did? like
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:don't think so. I think some people might say that's a bad thing. Like. I don't know. It's like anti feminist or something, but I I could see myself doing the same thing. Like you just love that person so much and you just want to be part of their, part of them and feel like you guys are the same family and just have that connection. You know what I mean?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Right. Or, I could see a scenario if like, okay, so your ex, he was a, what, like a, was he like a second or third or something like that?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:the third, he was the
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:He was a third. So like, one of my coworkers, her son, I think is the second or the third. And so like that, that family importance family means so much to me. And if like, I, if my husband's coming from a side of the family that like, they're all family oriented and they're just, the name means so much. It's so prideful to them. Like that's something that I could see myself like, okay, then I would change my last name. And like, if I had like, when I have kids or whatever, they would take, take I would be okay with, like, my kid taking, like, a second or third or whatever.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. But I think this is actually also just about respect because. If your husband is absolutely appalled that you would even ask him to maybe change to your last name, if he's like, I would never take a woman's last name. Why would I do that? Blah, blah, blah. If there's no respect there and he wouldn't even consider it, then hell no, I'm not taking your last name. And I'm probably not even going to marry you because you just had the respect to say, if it's very important to him and his family, then I would change my last name if he had that same respect for you, because if he understands how important your last name is to you. And you guys could have an honest conversation and he really considered taking your last name because of the importance to you. And it was a respectful conversation that goes both ways, not just you're expected that you have to change your name because you're a woman, then I think that's a totally different scenario.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:And I'm so glad we just recorded that on a podcast right now because you took the words exactly out of my brain. Because, like, I've been thinking that but I just, like, have never been able to put it into words. But it is just, it comes down to a sign of respect.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. And we talked about this the other day when you asked me, if you got married again, would you do your husband's laundry? And we were talking about how that's also just a thing of respect, because if we split the chores and I decided that I don't mind doing laundry, then yeah, I would do his laundry. Only if it wasn't expected of me that I would have to do the laundry because I'm a woman. You know what I mean? It would have to be a thing of respect. Like, if he didn't mind doing the laundry, he'd be the one doing the laundry. Or if I'm doing the laundry, then he does the dishes. Or maybe if I'm having a really bad day or a really bad week, he surprises me and does the laundry or something like that. Where it's like, A thing of respect, mutual respect, not just expectations of you that you need to be in a certain role because he expects it of you because you're a woman. That's crazy and that's not something either of us would deal with.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yes, that is crazy, extremely crazy, and I'm so happy that I think there's probably, I don't know, I wouldn't say probably a time where we both maybe would have gone with the flow in relationships, but there have definitely been times where we are so much mentally stronger now and know what we want versus five years ago in
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. I think there was a time when we would have listened more about what we thought we were supposed to do rather than thinking for ourselves what we want to do and things like that because When I was married, I did do the laundry, but it was, it was a respect thing. He would have done the laundry if I didn't want to do it. It
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Your guys's relationship was very respectful. There was no ill feelings or anything till the end.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:no. And we were, we were both very respectful and we would have just talked about it. Like, Oh, I hate laundry. And then he would have done the laundry or whatever. You know, we split, we split a lot of stuff.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Okay, so kind of shifting our conversation here, um, still focusing on relationships, but this can be, I want you to think of this, like, of all the relationships in your life but love languages if you had to Think about what your love language is What's your love language for other people?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Oh, like how I show
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:How yes, how do you show love to other
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Oh, actually that's interesting because when you asked me to think about this, I was thinking about it as like, what, as if they were both the same. So like, if my love language is blah, blah, blah, then that's the way I show love and receive love. But that's not, it's not because I just realized that when I was thinking about it, one of the ways that I like to receive love, I think is words of affirmation. I'm very bad at giving words of affirmation. I don't tell people usually I really need to start doing this more, but I usually, I don't tell people like, I don't know. I'm not good at words of affirmation. You know what I mean?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:and it's funny that you say that because You I've never been good at that either, and I don't know what, like, what would you say what my words of affirmation, like, to you now? Like, how have I been to you? I feel like I'm pretty good with saying, like, I'm so proud of you and just, like, things like that.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah, or when you, like, thank me for things, like, I can tell you're really sincere about it, or
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:And I, I never used to be that way, and it wasn't, honestly, until I met Alexis, like my one best friend who passed away, but I met her in high school and just like watching the relationships and the interaction between like her and her mom or like when they would talk on the phone, like, hi, how are you? Instead of, hi, can you do blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Or like just have a conversation. Or I just remember so many times Alexis saying like, I'm so proud of you, Sarah, or like things like that. And like that meant so much to me that like, I've. Use that whole scenario to try to, like, outwardly, like, do it to other people, too.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:yeah, but now I'm kind of struggling because outside of a romantic relationship, I can't really think of examples on when I need to feel loved by other people. So I can't really think of how I would want that to look like with me and you. I can't think of a specific love language that I think you would need to show me.'cause I already know you love me. You know what I mean? It's like. What do I need? I don't need any proof of that. Like, if we didn't spend time together, I would still know. If we, if you didn't tell me you loved me, I would still know. You know what I mean?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Right? And I don't think, yes, I know the love language is, like, how you show your love and, like, we know that we love each other, but it's just, like, one thing that I did for you that I know you bring up so many times is my act of service for you of turning on your shower.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:I was just, I knew you were gonna say that.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Okay, so maybe mine is kind of acts of service then? Okay, it's like, it's what helps you feel loved when someone does something and then you're like, wow, I feel loved. Not necessarily like you have to do that for me to know you love me. It's like when you do something, what makes me feel loved? And so maybe mine is acts of service with other people. I don't know.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:So for me, I honestly feel like I'm like a combination of like a bunch, but like specifically me with a relationship. If I was with a guy, it would probably be like physical touch
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah, that's mine too. That's so easy.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:with friends, just friends in general, not like best friends, is gift giving, I would say. Um, my close friends are probably like acts of service or like quality time. Um, mom to me, like my mom to me is gift giving and hers Is words of affirmation. And so like, she's always just giving me stuff. And then like, if I give her anything or you give her anything, you know, she's talking It for days. Oh my God, thank you so much for this. It just means the most and blah, blah, blah. And that annoys me, but I actively have to Take it because I know by mom saying it and me it in that's like her thing You know what? I mean? It's it's confusing if you try to think about it too deep
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:You know what? I just realized what mine is though and I don't know if it falls into a category. My love language to know, to, to receive love and know and feel loved is when I feel like people really know me. When I have this feeling like someone shows that they really know me and they understand me, that's when I feel most loved. So I think you, you turning on the shower for me so that I could do that was more of like helping, you knew that was what I needed to do my self care. It wasn't necessarily an act of service. It was that you knew me. And like, I was,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:I knew what you needed at the time. So I I like helped you
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah, and one of the best, um, examples I can think of in my friendships is when my friend, so I'm not a surprise party person, I would never ever want a surprise party, and I also don't really care about my birthday, so I don't really care to do anything for my birthday, so I never plan anything for my birthday, I don't really care. Do anything. I don't really care, but one of my friends invited me out to dinner for my birthday and she did it to Applebee's, which is so funny. Cause like literally everybody hates Applebee's, but it was one of my favorite places. And she knew that. So she invited me out to dinner to Applebee's. I was like, Oh, this is nice. Like I get to go out to dinner with my, with my best friend. Um, and this was in Georgia and I get there. I'm literally going to cry. I got there and like, I think four, her, and then four of my really good friends in Georgia were all there. And they surprised me just going out to Applebee's for dinner. And that's not really like a surprise party. And she knew, she knew exactly who to invite that I actually cared about because I don't have a huge group of friends and I don't want people that I am not very close with there. She literally only invited the four people that I was closest with and they came and showed up and, and I had that little birthday dinner. And that was like. One of the coolest things anyone's ever done for me. Cause I was like, wow. I was like, when I think about, I felt so loved. I felt so known and so cared about. And, and I think it was just the fact that she knew me and that's not really an act of service to, to do that. That's not really words of affirmation. And it's not really quality time. Cause it could have been without people. It could have been somebody doing something just for me. Like. I think it's just the feeling of being known and the feeling that someone really knows me because I don't let a lot of people in very deeply and I don't, I don't let myself be known to a lot of people. I don't like to open up and be vulnerable. So I think when someone does really know me, that's what gets me.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, and that just that just I don't know I feel like that opens up a whole nother can of worms to of like the different like levels of like friendships and like relationships and stuff. Cause how many, how many people do you, would you say like actually know you?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Um, three.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:You don't have to list them like on the podcast, but
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:it's you. It's my best friend that you know who's my best friend and it's my other very good friend.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Guy or girl.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Guy
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Okay. Yeah. That
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:those three people, you and them too, are probably the only people that actually truly know me on a deep level, you
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah. That's true.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:cause I don't even let, yeah, I just don't, I don't talk about my emotions. I don't let myself open up. You, you three are like pretty much the only people I've ever done that with, you know?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:And it's so funny you say that because I feel like I'm the opposite, but not. Because you maybe, like, don't talk about your feelings all the time and all of this stuff, but, like, when I'm at work and, like, I'm talking, like, with my co workers, there's not really much of, like, a, oh, I can't let them know that because, like, it's whatever. I'm pretty much just like an open book. But, with me being an open book and people knowing, like, a lot about me, they don't know, like, deep down, like, a lot about me. Like, I would probably say you And then had like two best friends and I would say probably like you and my one like really close friend. Now, I like the only people who know me and and it makes me feel really good about that because like you were saying, which is like the surprise party and your friend knew exactly what you needed. Like my one friend she will like come to me with things or she'll be like. I'm talking to you about this because, like, I know you'll understand this and then, like, she'll say something and I'm like, yup, we just, like, we are on the same level, like, I understand and we're there to fully, like, support each other, like, through those things and
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. And I just thought about another thing. It's because those people that you actually let get close to you. It's a two way street. They also have to want to care about you, and they also have to want to learn about that because you could let someone in that doesn't give a shit, and they will never know you like that, even if you did try to let them in. The other person actually has to put effort in to get to want to know you, too, because I can think of some people that maybe, like, You know or whatever that maybe you kind of tried to let in but like they don't know you as well because they don't Care to put in that time to get to that level, you know what I mean? And I'm sure I've had people like that too that I can't think of right now But
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:does that bother You
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:know, what does what bother me?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:You trying to put an offer and it just not being reciprocated.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Like, if I tried to let someone get to know me and they didn't care to,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:I'm so closed off that I don't know if I've ever done that.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:cuz I'm like Actively like going through that right now with like somebody and it's just like it hurts
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah, that's what I was thinking of, and that's very painful. Yeah. I mean, if that did happen to me, I can't think of a scenario right now. I'm sure I've done it at some point in my life, but like, Even on a friendship level, even on a romantic level, if you're trying to be open with someone and you're trying to have that level with them and they, they don't care, then it's never going to get that way. So I think the other part of like feeling loved is because you know, that person wanted to get to know you on that level. And they, they were interested enough in you as a human to love you on that level. That's crazy to me. And like, I'm okay that I only have a few people that do that, you know?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:and I think that's what's gonna make things Not easier because I don't think dating is gonna be easy But just like it's gonna be easier to know when you know And it's really going to make, you know, when, you know, I think,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:yeah, You've experienced something before that you can compare it to that you know what you're looking for.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:And also to just like growing up and surrounding myself with the friends who I had and them being in like relationship after relationship of a relationship. And yeah, I was jealous because like, I never. Like I could have dated people if I wanted to, but that's not who I wanted to date. So I just didn't, but like, also that shows strong, like. Self respect and like standards from back earlier back then and I was able to see the different types of relationships that my friends would go through and I guess what I'm trying to say is it makes me sad that other people can't see. How we can see with like relationships, and I don't want to say that we like no relationships or anything, but like, we know what we're not going to put up with. And it's sad to see other people.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Well, yeah, but I think, I think the thing is some people can do that by observation and some people need to experience it themselves to learn. So those people that, some people need to, date a lot of people and have a lot of shitty relationships in order to understand and learn what they want in a relationship. Some people like you have never been in a serious relationship, but you observe and you're able to see what you want based on what other people have experienced. And so you know what you're looking for, but some people need to experience those themselves and, and that's fine to date around. But I mean, it's probably more painful too, you know?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:It's funny that you say that because growing up, I was always told by like, mom, you're going to learn the hard way. You're going to learn the hard way. That's me. I learned the hard way. I get myself into certain situations and yeah, I have to figure out how to creatively get myself out of them or whatnot. Nothing like legally or anything, but just like as a child, testing the boundaries and whatnot. And that was definitely me. But I can see that whole scenario of some people have to just experience it themselves instead of taking advice that they're getting from other people or what they're just feeling around them and applying that to their, um, relationship. Does that make sense?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. And cause you were, I thought you were getting into like, Oh, with dating you, you were also going to learn the hard way. And I was like, no, but you did the opposite.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:But I did the yeah. And, and like, I don't want to, cause who knows with like, if I do get married and how that's going to turn out and whatnot, but I hope with such high standards and everything that I'm looking for in somebody that they're going to want to change their last name for me, or they're going to, we're going to have that level of respect to where I would change my for them. And if I did that, that would be. Wild.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:But you know what I just saw on Tik Tok that I really liked, it was someone saying It was basically like how you just said your husband would want to change his name for you. It's the kind of thing where these girls are hyping themselves up because they're like, if, if a guy is not texting back or he's making her anxious or whatever, she's just like, she's fine. And she just doesn't talk to him anymore because she's like, my husband wouldn't do that to me. Because some people hold on too long because they're like, What if, what if it's going to work out? What if this is my husband, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But if someone's making you feel that way, you can literally just tell yourself, my husband wouldn't do that to me. Think about who you're, who you want your, or, you know, my partner, my partner wouldn't do that to me. Whoever I want to be with my significant other for life, they would not treat me like that. So why am I dealing with that? And it makes it so easy to see what you're looking for because would you want your future significant other to do that to you? You know, you shouldn't have to beg someone to love you. You shouldn't have to like, and it was, we talk a lot about whenever we do get, you know, into a relationship or something. Yeah. You want someone that's going to know you well enough to, if you are looking at something in a store, but then you walk away from it because you didn't want to buy it, he surprises you with it the next week, or he knows what your favorite coffee is and he brings it to you in a morning when you can't get out of bed, or he knows that they just know that's,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:he knows my period takes it all out of me and he's
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:And they know exactly what to do during that because they learn and they pay attention and they want to know you. I think there's so many relationships where people are content in their relationships and they don't have that level of knowing each other where the person would even know what to do to cheer them up or what kind of coffee they like or what's their favorite meal or anything like that. And I think that's one of the biggest things that you need to look for is just someone that wants to know you. To know you on a deep level and that will do those things for you because it's like when you talk about love languages, okay. It's like someone could buy me something that I was looking at at the store. It's not the act that they bought me a gift. It's the fact that they knew I wanted that and they cared enough to go surprise me with it. You know what I mean? It's not the gift itself, or like maybe they can see. They can see my ADHD overwhelm or my anxiety that the kitchen countertop is full of stuff. And they kind of noticed me looking at it when I'm walking by and then just like sitting on the couch and being too overwhelmed by it. They're not going to be like, Hey, when are you going to clean that counter? They're going to clean the counter off. And when I walk by it next time, I'm literally going to smile because I'm going to be like, Oh my God, like the counters clean. That feels so good. And that's an act of service, but it's not necessarily the act of service. That's the nice part.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:It's a thought behind it.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:It's the thought. It's, it's someone caring enough to think about you and to, you know, that's that's I think my love language.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, and I'm perfectly content taking care of myself until somebody working
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Oh yeah, same. Like I said, I have no desire to date or anything like that. So I'm fine, you know, I'm fine without that too. But when I do have that eventually, it's going to be really nice.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:it will be and that's why like, I don't know I just have this mentality of like work hard now and then like It'll, like, pay off, like, in the future. Not necessarily, like, I won't have to do jack shit, but it'll, mentally, it'll pay off, I think, to have somebody, like, that's, oh, that just knows you and, like, lives in the house with you and, I don't know, co live together and whatnot.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:cool. That's definitely a big thing. Um, and then also with a significant other, it's definitely physical affection too is like big for me,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:but I'm not like that with anybody else. I'm not, physical affection is not my love language with literally anybody except my significant other. You know,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, same.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:like I don't care about, I, I'm not really a big hugger. I don't care about anything like that.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Now, like, I'm a hugger, like, the, All of like our family. I feel like you walk into a room and you have to hug everybody. But I was babysitting, um, a couple of months ago and I never really thought about me of like being a touchy feely person
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Well, yeah, we've talked about this on an episode before.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Oh, have we?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:kid was just cl like clinging to you all over, yeah. But I don't think that's, that's not, that's not the same thing. That's like, that's not physical affection, you know what I mean? That's like, overwhelm of
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:yeah.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:a, a child clinging to you I think is different.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah. But even like, I, okay. So I've seen a few tech talks of just like. Moms miss their kids so much when they go to college, so they just want to like be by them and just sit by them and look at them and just touch them and touch their hair and this and that. And mom has those tendencies sometimes. Like mom will just like want to just sit by me or have her hand on like my thigh or just like, I don't know. And I'm just like, just like get away from me. That is not it. Please.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. It's, it's weird too because I have like sensory issues with things touching me and people touching me, but not with my significant other. Like I feel so bad a lot of the times my mom's very talky with her arms. So she'll grab my arm and she'll say something or she'll grab my shoulder and I'm just like, stop it. And I like, I'm flinching away and she's like, Oh, sorry. Cause I told her like, I don't like the touch, but I think it's more of a sensory thing. It's like, I don't just don't like stuff touching me, you know?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:And that makes sense.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. Yeah.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:I had, like, something to say, but I feel like this could probably be, like, a different episode, like, thing.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah. What was it?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:It was about, like, relationships and I wouldn't say how you would structure them, but like, I feel like there's two types of like relationships. There's one where like, like they co live in a house together and they live two separate lives and then they like have like planned family things like together and whatnot to like keep their house going around. But then there's other families who like, I feel like the couples are like glued together and like everything is like. done together. Do you know what I mean?
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:No. Cause how are you a couple if you just live your own life and then only are like roommates?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Well, I don't know. Like, I feel like at home moms, for example, when their husbands are like, working from like dawn till dusk, and then they like get home after the babies are put together, put to like bed and stuff like that. And there's just so many families out there where the husbands go away and work and the wives are at home and they're, they're like, I don't know, they like
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Yeah, but everything I've seen from relationships like that, when the husband gets home and he's just too tired and wants to do his own thing and blah, blah, blah, then when do they ever get to spend time together? The woman's usually not very happy because she never gets to see her husband.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Right,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:That's not healthy to me. If you never spend time together, that's crazy. I mean, I get that some people have to work like that, but I think Working that much puts a huge strain on relationships. You know what I mean?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Oh yeah. A hundred percent. And I know a few people who have relationships like that right now. Um, and I did see this, like one couple and they have like two kids or something and they just have like these like date nights, like every week and they have like a little charcuterie date night. And this girl was so excited to have this like canned fish sitting out on her porch on a charcuterie board with her husband. And like, yeah, it's Like
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:Like sardines?
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:No, it's like, not like sardines. It's like salmon with like basil and oil. And it's like high class,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:more sense.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:canned fish. But yeah, before when she was saying canned fish, I was like, but like, she was like,
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:They made it fancy with the charcuterie.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:And she's like, we never get to sit on our front porch. So if we got to do that for 30 minutes and just talk, I'm like that, like, I really think, yeah, to set aside time like that. And, um, I wouldn't want to. Be with I would want to be with my significant other like as much as I can, but like, I wouldn't want to be with them all day, every day. And I think a lot of families, now, not a lot of families, but some family nowadays, like, especially on tick tock, they're all doing things on social media now. So they're all at home together. And so they're always filming together. And I guess maybe that's what I'm seeing of like, Them just consistently, like, being together, that doesn't give you the same thing as, like, going out on a date. Yeah.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:You have to have a balance. You have to have your own things. Whether it's going to the gym without them, or having your own hobbies, or going for a walk with your friends, or going out with your friends, or you have to have time apart, too. I think it's all about a balance.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah. Hmm. I don't know. I just, I feel like with my ADHD, I'm so zero or a hundred that just finding a happy medium for like everything is so difficult. Like, I feel like when I become a mom, I'm just going to want to like do everything, do the contact naps, do everything for my kids up until they turn 18. But that's not setting them up for success. So, I need to hold back on some of the things that I want to do just to like, spoil my kids to let them like, do it for themselves because I want them to be, I don't want them to grow up the same way I grew up, but I want them to be like, coped with skills to be able to like, go out.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:comes in, too, with The other parent hopefully is in the picture of the kid's lives and they can be a good balance for you. You know, like if one parent struggles with good discipline, hopefully the other parent can help a little bit with that. Or if one parent struggles with, I don't know, like teaching, cause you have to educate kids on a lot of stuff. And some people just know everything, like kids will ask questions and they can actually explain everything. I hope I find someone like that. Well, I'm not that I want kids, but like, you know, I think there's just always a balance and hopefully you can find someone that balances you out enough to where your kids get the best of both worlds, you know,
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, that's true. Scary being a parent. You're
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:and you'll have to practice balance too, because if you're trying to do like 24, seven, everything for your kids all the time, that's how people get burnt out and that's how people get depressed and that's
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:That's true. Yeah.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:So maybe you can practice now, practice having a balance and not getting burnt out and recognizing your body signs to where you're overwhelmed and what you can do to regulate that and. You know, you practice now and you don't have kids or anything.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:right. Because like, so for example, me with all this curriculum stuff, there's still so much work to be done with it of just like planning and meticulous stuff and all that. So like yesterday, I took my medicine at like 10 and Megan, I kid you not, I was working from 10 to 10. On
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:my
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:all of my curriculum stuff, writing out papers, doing this, just like taking a few mental breaks and then coming back to it. And it's like, I knew like, after 3 or 4 times of coming back to it that I should not have been doing it, but I'm just like, Nope, I'm going to power through. I'm going to power through and I need to change that power through mentality. It's good to power through sometimes, but not all the time.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:maybe you need to make a set of rules for yourself, you know, like. If you're having a very productive day, make rules about how many breaks you have to take, how many hours of breaks you have to take, what hours you're allowed to do this hyper focus work until because 10 p. m. is crazy. And then, you know, you have to set aside an hour to go outside and you have to set aside, you know, maybe make some rules for yourself to help avoid burnout.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Yeah, I like that idea. Just like a few baselines of I like the time outside and whatnot. That'll probably have to be bug sprayed and then shower after that.
squadcaster-de9j_1_08-04-2024_094217:I think that's all we have for you guys today. So thanks for joining us for another episode and we'll see you next week.
sarah_1_08-04-2024_094216:Bye!