Have you ever felt like your harshest critic is yourself? Join me, Alyssa B., as I share my personal journey through the trials of self-criticism and the profound process of healing on this episode of Life Be Lifin'. Hear the emotional story of losing my mother at a young age and the subsequent challenges of adjusting to life with my father. This pivotal experience shaped my inner voice and my approach to dealing with trauma. Let’s explore together the importance of addressing wounds fully and the necessity of true healing, using powerful quotes that remind us to extend grace to ourselves.
In another heartfelt segment, we’ll discuss the revelation that my need for constant validation might be influencing my daughter’s insecurities. Through a candid conversation with my best friends, I came to a startling realization about my own quest for external approval. This sparked a commitment to work on self-acceptance and silencing the inner critic. I encourage you to join our community of genuine connection and support, sharing your own stories as we strive to be true to who we are. Let’s embark on this journey of holistic healing and self-discovery together.
Have you ever felt like your harshest critic is yourself? Join me, Alyssa B., as I share my personal journey through the trials of self-criticism and the profound process of healing on this episode of Life Be Lifin'. Hear the emotional story of losing my mother at a young age and the subsequent challenges of adjusting to life with my father. This pivotal experience shaped my inner voice and my approach to dealing with trauma. Let’s explore together the importance of addressing wounds fully and the necessity of true healing, using powerful quotes that remind us to extend grace to ourselves.
In another heartfelt segment, we’ll discuss the revelation that my need for constant validation might be influencing my daughter’s insecurities. Through a candid conversation with my best friends, I came to a startling realization about my own quest for external approval. This sparked a commitment to work on self-acceptance and silencing the inner critic. I encourage you to join our community of genuine connection and support, sharing your own stories as we strive to be true to who we are. Let’s embark on this journey of holistic healing and self-discovery together.
Speaker 1:
Hello everyone and welcome back to Life. Be Lifin' with your host, me, alyssa B. As-salamu alaykum everyone, and good morning. So how many of you are like myself and are your like biggest critic, biggest worst enemy? That's me for sure Every time.
Speaker 1:
I Remember I mentioned in a previous podcast that when someone gives me a compliment, I find a way to deflect it and kind of tear it down. That's me, that's my inner critic. And so today, when I was going through my morning motivations and my positive affirmations and things like that, I seen a quote and it says give yourself some grace, love yourself through the triggers and remind yourself that it's okay. That one to me spoke to my inner critic. Well, it spoke to me and me to speak to my inner critic. Like girl, you really need to chill out. You really is mean and degrading sometimes To myself, y'all. I always talk about how people shouldn't do that to people, but I do it to myself. Isn't that crazy? My therapist says it's really hard to be objective with yourself and we tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on other people. But man, why does she have to be so hard on me? I can't take it sometimes Like for real. So that one spoke to me and my inner critic, so I wanted to just continue to share a couple of quotes that also helped me as well. So another one is sometimes you have to take off that cape and wrap it around yourself. You're triggered because you put a bandaid where real shadow work needs to be done. So, guys, I haven't shared a whole lot about myself with you, guys, and today is going to be that day where I am going to do that, and this might be the reason why my inner critic is so hard.
Speaker 1:
So my mother was a great mother, and around the age of 11 and 12, my mother got really, really, really, really sick and she was diagnosed with cancer and multiple sclerosis, and the treatments from that eventually just killed her. She basically passed of an enlarged heart at the age of 15. She was the age of 45. I was 15. And so I had just started my period. I just really like my puberty had really kicked into overdrive, and then she passes away and then, on top of that, I had to move to a new state with a new person. Now he is my father, but at the time, whatever happened between my parents? I had not seen my father for over eight years at that time, and so the last time I remember seeing my father prior to the passing of my mother, I think I was maybe eight, I think maybe seven, seven or eight, and so I didn't really truly remember or know who that, who he was essentially, and I had to relearn who my father was, and so, because of losing my mom, I feel like I didn't have what's the word I'm looking for. I didn't have that mother's love. Through the puberty and the life changes and processes of high school and moving into early adulthood and things like that.
Speaker 1:
A woman that a young girl needs is her mother. I strongly believe in that. No matter what, we still need our mothers or a woman that could be our mother, and I did have that, but it was a long distance relationship between her and my father, and so it was mainly over the phone, and so I still wanted my mom Okay, I still wanted my mom, and so because of that, I feel like that is trauma, a trauma trigger for me, where my inner critic kind of took over as my guiding light. Literally, I feel like my inner critic took over as my guiding light to cope with the healing and the loss of my mother, and so that's why I think she's so hard on me, because that is who I let guide myself. I was hard on myself because I wanted to make sure that I made my mother proud. I wanted her to be able to look down and see me and see that I'm doing the right things. And sometimes I didn't do the right things because I just felt like I didn't have the guidance. I'm guiding myself, guys.
Speaker 1:
Now, my father definitely guided us and you know he got us on the path of life. Now, my father definitely guided us and you know he got us on the path of life. But, as a girl, there's certain things we still go through and deal with that a father can't truly understand, just because he's a man, just solely because he's done. He was a great father and he did a great job and he has instilled in a lot of morals and characteristics in myself that probably wouldn't have been instilled if he had not come into my life. So I do greatly appreciate my father and what he's done, but that's trauma for me, guys, and so I'm hoping that I'm going to be able to heal and work this and I'm going to stop saying I'm hoping I am going to heal from this that's another mindset I'm trying to work on is speaking into existence what I want to happen in my life and I do for certain things. But I have to learn how to do that for every single thing in my life, every single thing. Because if I don't speak it into existence, then maybe I'm not believing it the way I should and I'm not putting the drive and the passion and the motivation into whatever I want to do if I don't speak it into existence. So, speaking into existence, right now, I am going to heal truly heal from the trauma of losing my mother at a young age and having to grow up so quickly. I'm also going to heal from all of the trauma of past relationships, with issues that I've had in my life and relationships, and I'm going to also heal from those traumas.
Speaker 1:
I usually just put a band-aid over everything, like that quote said. When I have a trauma or get hurt or I don't know something I don't want to deal with, instead of dealing with it, I just put a band-aid over it, like she mentioned, just put a band-aid over it, shove it way, way down in there, like, like it doesn't exist, like it's never been there, and move on, move forward, keep pushing. My therapist says I got to stop doing that too, so we're working on that. I actually have a therapy session on Thursday, so this is definitely something I'm going to discuss with her and with this shadow work journal. But there was another quote in there that also said to write it down, burn it and release it, hack, not to be triggered anymore. Also, write a letter to your younger self and tell her that you forgive her and tell her everything you would have wanted to hear at her age.
Speaker 1:
So I recently you guys know I do the TikTok affiliate program and so I recently was sent this journal called the Shadow Work Journal by Zenful Notes and y'all. It has an exercise in there that says write a letter to your younger self. And that quote just triggered that for me in this or that memory of that exercise in this journal. Now I have not done it yet and I am going to. But that just that right there also spoke to it and that also is where I was feeling like I have trauma from the passing of my mother that I have yet to get over, and so when I and that's so crazy it's been 16 years. It has been 16 years since my mother passed and I'm still not over it. Is there a timeframe on grief, guys? So I'm just curious if anyone knows if there's a time frame on grief, drop it in the comments or send me a text, because in the description link there's a link in there that says send me a text. Send me a text and let me know if there's a time frame on grief, because baby 16 years seems like a long time to still be not healed from the passing of my mother. Note to self Bring that up in therapy. Now y'all heard my page turning because I have my journal open and I write down notes as I'm thinking about things. But another one I also looked up is never stop loving yourself. I have that problem. I do love myself, guys.
Speaker 1:
I don't like to consider myself an insecure person, because there are other women who really are insecure and have insecurities and I don't like that to be. I don't think I'm that. However, I had a conversation recently with my best friends really my sisters. They're like my chosen family, so they're really my sisters. They're like my chosen family, so they're really my sisters. But we were having a conversation and we were talking about different characteristics we've seen in our children and how some of those characteristics are our own characteristics of ourselves, and so we just see miniature versions of ourselves. And so I was talking about that, about my daughter and the things I see in her.
Speaker 1:
But there were a few things that I see in her that I didn't think I had, such as my friend says she's insecure and my daughter is insecure, but not, I just don't think she understands herself and understands her brain and understands who she is as a person just yet, which I think is why that makes her insecure. So she's still trying to figure that out, but she's only 11 guys and so, but anyways, she's insecure. And so my friend was like she gets that from you. I said no, she does not, I'm not insecure. She said you may not be insecure about your physical appearance, because when most people think about insecurities, that's the first thing that comes to mind. So no, you may not be insecure about your physical appearance, because that's kind of what my daughter is, but you're insecure. She's like you have insecurities and I can't pinpoint what exactly those insecurities are. That would be for you to figure out. She says but you do have insecurities. She said because when in our friendship.
Speaker 1:
Over the years, I noticed that you need constant validation. You need to be validated by someone else to know that what you think and what you're doing, or how you look or how you feel is right. And that's an insecurity. And I said, dang, not just put me out on blast like that. But you know what, if your friends or your chosen family can't put you out on blast and help you realize something about yourself that you probably honestly didn't know or maybe knew and just ignored, are they really your friends? Are they really your chosen family? I'm just saying so. I'm grateful for them for pointing that out, because I did not notice that about myself until they said that.
Speaker 1:
And then, once they said that, now my brain is triggered like, hmm, do I really do that? Do I really be looking for validation? And so I kept thinking back and thinking back and not during this conversation, though, after, at a different time, when I was alone and journaling and things like that I just kept thinking like, man, they're right, I do look for validation. I look for validation in a lot of things that I say, a lot of things that I do, and even sometimes for my own feelings, and that's a form of insecurity. So now note to self oh, I smacked my mic, sorry guys discuss that with my therapist so that I can try and figure out where the insecurities are and fix that, because I don't want to have to need validation from other people.
Speaker 1:
I don't, and when I think about the fact that I need validation from other people it kind of bothers me because I don't. I I feel like I am my own person and I feel like I'm learning who I am as I get older and mature more and go through life experiences and do the work to heal from the trauma of my childhood and my past. You know what I'm saying, and so I essentially feel like these insecurities might be holding me back because I need that constant validation and I feel like I don't need that. I shouldn't need that. Let me rephrase that the right way I shouldn't need constant validation from other people because I am my own person and other people can't live my life but me. So why do I need their validation on what I do or what I say, or who I am, or how I dress or et cetera in my life?
Speaker 1:
You know what I'm saying, and so that was just a mind opener for me, and so I just basically wanted to come on here and let you guys know that it's okay to be insecure and stop letting your inner critic your worst enemy tear you down for anything. For anything, whether it be your insecurities, whether it be a decision you made, whether it be a path you're on, whatever your inner critic might beat you up for. Stop letting her beat you up, or him for the gentleman out there, but stop letting that inner critic beat you up. Do the work to heal from the trauma, to help fix and calm that inner critic a little bit, because I think that's why my inner critic is so hard on me and so mean to me is because I do have some trauma and things that I need to work on and heal from that I haven't, and so she's beating me up in the process because I haven't done that.
Speaker 1:
So I'm doing that now and you guys are experiencing this journey with me as I'm doing that. So if you guys want to share your journey with me or you have any thoughts you want to share, I invite you guys to click the send us a text link in my description so that you can do that. Remember, if you're going to be anything, be authentically real Until next time. This has been Life. Be Lifin' with your host, me Alyssa B.
