I Beat the Living Sh*t Out of Him and Unleashed My Inner-Warrior

This episode is a battle cry—a testament to reclaiming power.

Picture it: recurring nightmares—the kind that cling like shadows. But then, a turning point: jiu-jitsu. The mats, the sweat, the primal roar—it became my sanctuary.

In this episode, I share the bruises—the ones on my skin and the ones on my psyche. We’ll talk mental blocks, vulnerability, and the seismic shift toward self-confidence. Because sometimes, our greatest armor is our own resilience.

And here’s the secret: self-defense isn’t just physical; it’s mental. It’s knowing that you’re a force—the kind that can break chains and shatter doubts.

So, fellow artists, let’s step onto the mat—the one where we grapple with impostor syndrome, where we pin down fear. And as we roll, we’ll discover our inner warriors.

Remember, even vulnerability has its own strength.

Creatives and entrepreneurs have so much in common - let's bridge the gap of acknowledgement and leverage our creativity!

Stay tuned for upcoming episodes (post episode #7) for interviews with exceptional creatives and entrepreneurs from around the world!

And stick around to follow the journey of an artist in business school (me!) - hope I am able to help you in your journey to career freedom!

Transcript

1:16

I used to be someone. That would have regular dreams about being, um, not necessarily abducted, not by, like, aliens. That was someone that would have dreams about, um, just being in real life. Really bad situations, uh, usually by a man that was trying to rape me or hurt me in some way, abduct me, all of that. Wonderful, wonderful thing. Things, I mean. And I remember the first time I was able to get over that. Well, sorry, I'm just putting a sweater on. Um, the first time I, uh, I beat the living shit out of someone in my dream, and not just for funsies, right? This was a man that was trying to kill me, um, and I think I had had basically the exact same dream, um, like a couple or a few months before or something like that, but this time I actually had physical strength in my dreams that I had not encountered ever. Ever. I was always the weakest motherfucker in my dreams. If I had to run, my legs would be like, so heavy. It was, it was like I was just paralyzed. I was incapable of using my body to defend myself and to do physically challenging things. Um, which I thought was, I could never really understand why that was. Until, until I had a dream where it was, you know, kind of same situation, there's a man, he's trying to get hold of me, to rape me, or kill me, or whatever the fuck it is that he was going to do. I was in a dream. imminent danger. And this time round, I was able to literally punch the shit out of him. I don't think I used a weapon. I think it was just my hands. I was shoving my fingers down his eyes, just trying to, you know, get him off of me. I was finally able to get on top of him, continue beating the living Like, I remember the blood gushing everywhere. It was insane. Phenomenal. And I say phenomenal, not because I'm some crazy psycho, but because I had never goddamn experienced that. When I woke up from that dream, I was like, I am invincible. Like, I fucking did it. That's me. Bruh, bruh, what? And I know why now. I started jiu jitsu, um, I did some jiu jitsu for just over a year. This was a few years back. In that class, I had a teacher or a mentor, whatever it's called, coach. We properly bonded. We were friends. We really like got each other and he really helped, um, he really helped me get to Well, f f first, just realize that I had a mental block in my brain that wouldn't allow me, or sorry, that felt like I, you know, couldn't defend myself when it came to, like, a man, let's say. I I've always been that person who's like, walking down the street, I'm very aware of my surroundings, very aware that men are like, checking me out or whatever the fuck, and it p it'd piss me off. But I, you know, I there was nothing, I was ever put in a position of like, well, total, you know, fear of like someone is going to, you know, take me and into an alley or whatever that, but I, I would regularly in my head as I'm walking down the street, like envision if that was to happen, what I'd be doing, right? Like how I would punch him, where my elbow could go, like all of these different things. Um, but I had a bit of a reality check when I started jiu jitsu because I realized that in fact, especially when it came to, you know, if I was pinned down by my professor, who was a big guy, um, it was so hard for me to get him off. I mean, of course he's, um, was he, no, I think he was purple belt. He wasn't black belt yet, but he, you know, he knew how to keep someone pinned down. Yeah. Which, for starters, if you know how to do that, bravo, like, it's, it's really empowering to figure out, to learn how to do that. It's, and a lot of people don't even know that that's possible. It's crazy. But I remember when we would be doing these drills, like trying to get, you know, he would with all his might try to keep me pinned down as a way to get me to crack through that limiting belief that, well, for one, I couldn't get him off, and two, that I wasn't worth enough to fight for. And through those drills, I remember there was When, there was one time when I finally kind of continued pushing living shit out of him, like I, he really got me to this primal state of like, I am going to goddamn survive if it takes me back Whatever, if I break my arm right now, you are not putting that fucking dick inside of me. Get the fuck off of me. Um, right. When that happened, oh my god, the emotional toll that it took on me, I started sobbing, like it was not I had never experienced that in my life. I was Literally on the floor, sobbing, like, terrified. There was so much adrenaline in my body. And he just like, you know, once he I don't remember if I was able to get him off, but I think he realized that, like, I had finally, like, done it because I just needed the technique to know how to get him off, but I had finally mentally broken free from that, um, self limiting belief, right? So much adrenaline in my body, and he just like, you know, once he, I don't remember if I was able to get him off, but I think he realized that, like, I had finally, like, done it because I just needed the technique to know how to get him off, but I had finally mentally broken free from that, um, self limiting belief, right? And he just came over and gave me a hug and was like, I am so proud of you. I am so proud of you. You're, you finally, you did it. You finally did it. You got to that state we've been working towards of you are worth it, you can, and you will not stop until you get this motherfucker off of you because you're worth it. And you need to protect yourself and no one else is going to. You need to know how to do it in case you are alone, like this is primal. This is necessary skills that women or people in general, but especially women need to know. Right? And it's not just about your physical ability, it's about the mental. Because if you check out, if you go into like, I'm fuck mode, I'm fucked mode, You're, you are fucked. That's it. Right? It's all mindset. And as soon, like, when that happened, you, oh my god. I think it was, it was a week or so from that day that I had this dream where I beat the living shit out of them. I did. It felt so fucking good to just Take control of my life, right? It's literally my life on the line and you know in retrospect once I once I actually Defeated this guy like I think I killed him I think I properly killed him in my dream when I did that and I woke up that's when I realized that the dreams I was having before was literally just a visualization of how I saw myself to be That I saw myself as weak and incapable and not worthy enough to be saved. Man, I remember going back into the gym after that dream. And telling my coach what I did, and he was like, Fuck! Yes! Yes, babe! That's what, that's it! Oh! I'm telling you, if you have dreams like this, where you are incapable of protecting yourself, Um, if you're regularly having dreams where there are people after that dream, And telling my coach what I did and he was like, fuck. Yes. Yes, babe. That's what that's it. Oh, I'm telling you if you have dreams like this where you are Incapable of protecting yourself. Um If you're regularly having dreams where there are people after you that are wanting to hurt you, that are actually hurting you, and you are physically incapable of moving, or like, any sort of movement you do, there's like, no weight to it, there's no strength behind it, that's because you have a limiting belief that you are weak and unworthy of being saved. And if that is you, Baby girl, you need to do something about it. To me, it was jiu jitsu. I haven't continued it, but the, the, the, the, what is it called? The core skills I gained, plus the mindset shift that I, that I got from that, was invaluable. I cannot tell you how much more confident I walk down the street now, because I know that I can and I have connected with that primal state of human being, of I will survive. I will fight until whatever. If I die, I die, but I will go down fucking fighting and I will leave my goddamn mark. And girl, you need to do that for yourself. You need to somehow. Get yourself into that mindset, into that space where you are no longer seeing yourself as an incapable, weak woman. Because there is power behind you, babe. There is so much power behind you. If you don't, not only will you be more afraid to just walk down the street, or be in a worse position, if Please let that not be the case, but if something of that nature was to actually happen in your life, you'll be in a worse position than if you just had the mindset, even if it's just the mindset of like, fuck you, I'm going to save myself because this is not happening. I refuse. No. But if you don't do this, think about all the little ways that your Missing out on, all the little things, because you have this, this belief that deep down you're not worth it, deep down you're weak, and incapable, people doubt you and your capabilities, man you're not gonna get anywhere, you're not gonna get anywhere, because you're always gonna go back to, well why the fuck would I do this? It's hard. It's not worth able. People doubt you and your capabilities. Man, you're not gonna get anywhere. You're not gonna get anywhere! Because you're always gonna go back to, Well, why the fuck would I do this? It's hard. It's not worth it. I'm not worth it. I'm gonna be judged. I look like a fool. Well, if you change that mindset, if you're able to beat the living shit out of that inner devil monologue, you will get so much farther. And so much faster than you thought you ever could. All because your mindset shifted into a more constructive, even though it's, you know, technically destructive, but a more constructive gear. You are worth it. You need to shift into badass mode. You can continue being a gorgeous female With all your feminine energy. Girl, I'm I'm with you. Like, I'm I I know that I'm talking like this right now and to be fair, this is how I usually talk. But I've honed in to my feminine side so much more because I've connected with my masculine. Like, because I have this like mindset of I'm a badass. And I can and will get through difficult things and difficult situations and stand up for myself because I'm fucking worth it. I am now so much more comfortable to wear a dress and heels, which is just insane to me. When I was younger, I did not like wearing dresses or heels. Because I felt vulnerable. Vulnerable as a 14, 15-year-old if I was wearing a dress. I felt like I couldn't sit how I wanted to sit. I felt like I was getting even more sexualized than I already was, and it just felt like I was inferior to mostly well men, right? Whereas now it's like, no bitch. No, I'm in control. I can do shit. Don't mind me. I got it. I got it, and I'll strut down that goddamn fucking street in my heels and a dress, all by my lonesome. And yes, I will still deal with the negative thoughts, the awkwardness, the awkwardness. Because it is still uncomfortable, but I'm gonna fucking do it because I look good! I look good and I deserve to feel and look good! And if men are gonna give me shit, or if they're gonna start whistling at me down the street, Well, so fucking be it. But don't you goddamn come near me! Into my life, and start talking to me, start, whatever the fuck, nah. And as soon as you shift into that gear, into that, that, protective state for yourself, you will be in a better position to say, no, leave me alone, as opposed to being like, hmm, you know, you, you know what I mean. We've all been there. It's really hard to be a woman sometimes. It's really hard. Especially if you already think that you are weaker than the other guy. Because. Let's be fair. You might very well be. You might very well be weaker than the guy that's Standing there looking at you kind of funky But if you shift into that mindset, put on your badass face Know that you're going to fight for your fucking life if it comes to it They are much less likely to come deal with you. So much less likely That was one of the best advice that I've ever gotten in my life was when my Aunt, I think I was like, 12? We were down the street and I just, I remember her saying, Put on an angry face. If you put on an angry face, people don't come up next to you. Men will just like, leave you alone. And that stuck with me. That proper stuck with me and I still do it to this day. And I don't give a shit. Like, if you think I look ugr Uh, not ugry. Ugry? If you think I look, um, angry, and you don't want to talk to me because of that, if I want you to come talk to me, then I'll smile. Point blank. Anyways, that was just a short little snippet, uh, for you ladies that feel weak, worthless, doubted, get your shit together. I highly suggest doing a year of jiu jitsu. Just learn the basics, because it will really help with your mindset shift. It will seriously, seriously help you. I've gotten so far in my life because of that shift. Because I am worth it. And it's still hard, but But I'm worth it. So, yeah, peace out,