Masculine and Feminine Polarity: Building Balanced Relationships with David Lea

David and Paige Lea are trauma-informed coaches, speakers, and teachers specializing in masculine and feminine polarity. Together, they run the coaching practice Daring Deeply, where they offer transformative programs that challenge individuals and couples to break free from unhealthy patterns and create passionate, balanced relationships. David and Paige are dedicated to helping others harness the power of their core energies to foster deep, meaningful connections.

Episode Summary: In this episode of "The Humanity of Fame," host Callie engages in a profound discussion with David Lea on the dynamics of gender roles, financial responsibility, and the importance of core energies in relationships. The conversation covers the ethics of dating wealthy men, the impact of unprocessed childhood trauma on relationships, and the critical role of maintaining individual sovereignty within a partnership. David's insights challenge conventional views on gender equality and shared responsibilities, advocating for a deeper understanding of masculine and feminine polarity.

Key Topics:

• Masculine and Feminine Polarity: Exploring how healthy masculine and feminine energies contribute to balanced, passionate relationships.
• Ethics of Financial Provision: Analyzing the ethics and expectations surrounding dating wealthy men and how financial provision plays into gender dynamics.
• Unprocessed Childhood Trauma: Understanding how unresolved trauma influences relationship dynamics and the manifestation of wounded energies.
• Individual Sovereignty in Relationships: The importance of maintaining autonomy and sovereignty within a relationship to foster mutual respect and growth.
• Challenging Gender Equality: A critical look at the concept of gender equality in relationships, advocating for roles that align with core masculine and feminine energies.

Potential Listener Questions:

1. How do masculine and feminine energies influence the dynamics of your relationship?
2. What are the ethical considerations when dating someone wealthy? How does financial provision impact your relationship?
3. How can unresolved childhood trauma affect your relationship dynamics and energy alignment?
4. Why is it important to maintain individual sovereignty within a partnership, and how does it contribute to a healthy relationship?

References and Links:

• Learn more about David and Paige Lea’s coaching practice: Daring Deeply
• Explore courses and coaching programs on masculine and feminine polarity: Daring Deeply Programs
• Follow Daring Deeply on social media for more insights: Daring Deeply Instagram

Find out more about Kali and the show HERE: https://humanityoffame.com/

Transcript

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So the irony of all ironies, the paradoxes of all paradoxes, is that when two enter into a relationship, they're making a decision to remain sovereign and autonomous in their own bodies, lives, desires, wants, hobbies, and choosing the other person to join them along the way. Hi, I'm Kali. Welcome to Humanity of Fame. Here at Humanity of Fame, I take the topics out of headlines where the news tries to divide us, and I shine a spotlight on how we are more alike than we are different. All right, so let's get into what we're talking about today. Have you guys ever heard of the song that's going around on TikTok with the catchphrase, I'm looking for a man in finance? Have you heard of that? For those who have not, let's be clear, the catchphrase, I'm looking for a man in finance is not related to someone who is in the banking industry, i.e., a bank teller, okay? It's more like, what does your digital wallet look like, sir? What does your coin look like? All right, so let's talk about that. Let's take a look at the article. This is according to The Guardian, all right, and you see it says here, young women are telling each other to date rich, how terrifyingly retro. All right, let's just jump down to this little portion of the article where it says, because that's a trend, apparently, influencers are encouraging young women to date rich, to let themselves be taken care of by a provider, and to embrace a soft life, for example, pursuing hobbies, travel, self-care, having a nice home without financial responsibilities. All right, so we're going to talk about that because the thing is, some people, they are embracing the whole thing about soft life, good and great, right? However, some people are starting to feel like the soft life era is pretty much feminism going backwards, all right? Over the years, women have been taught to achieve their own goals, provide for yourselves as a form of equal rights and independence, okay? We've heard the term used up, gold digger, for years, and it does have a negative connotation to it because it comes with a way of thinking that usually involves using other people. However, if you take away the negativity attached to the phrase, whereas the woman just simply desires financial security from the head of household, is it then wrong? Let's talk about it, all right? The ethics of dating wealthy men, all right? Let me go ahead and start by introducing my guest, okay? He is half co-owner with his wife, Paige Lee, David Lee himself, and Paige Lee. They run the website, Daring Deeply, and David and his wife, they serve as trauma-informed coaches, speakers, and teachers of masculine and feminine polarity. Trained through a trauma-informed lens, David and Paige provide courses and coaching programs to challenge you to break free from unhealthy patterns and ignite a deep and passionate connection within yourself and your marriage, all right? We have one half here with us. David, thank you so much for joining me today. Hi, Kali. It's good to see you. Good to see you. Good to see you too. Good to see you too. I can't wait to dive deep into this topic. I know you have a lot of information that you can share, and you being a man, this is going to be interesting perspective, all right? Let's just jump into it, okay? The ethics of dating a wealthy man. To say ethics is interesting. Why do you think some people view the preference for dating wealthy men as ethically questionable? Well, I'd like to step a few steps below that, or really to the heart, to the energy, as we deal every single day in working with men and women and couples across the planet, in really identifying the energy of why. What is the why behind wealthy? What does that mean? What does dating a wealthy person in general, what does wealthy mean? Why is it important? So from our perspective, from a polarity perspective, from a healthy masculine and a healthy feminine energetic perspective inside of a dating relationship, marriage relationship, money and having money can be a sign of security. Now, notice I said a sign can be a sign or an indication of security. Well, then we have to dive even a little deeper. What does security mean? What we know to be true over years and years and years working with thousands of people and empirical data coming from tens of thousands of people from across the planet says that the essence of the feminine energy, and that, dare I be so bold, Callie, to say that every woman on the planet, past, present, and future, part of her holy essence as a woman wants to feel safe, secure, and provided for. Absolutely. Now, why is that true? Callie's like, uh-huh. Yes. I'm going to raise my hand on that, preacher brother. Raising both hands. Now, exactly. And feet. Why is that true? Why is that true? I would love to be able to pinpoint to all the data, all the studies, all the, what I can point to is that I have never met a woman ever, Callie. I've never met a woman that when I propose what a true, healthy, grounded, powerful, devoted, decisive, masculine man can provide for her to provide her a life that is full of peace and passion and purpose. I have never heard a woman go, no, I don't want you that. I'm good. Yeah. If you meet her, let me introduce her to me. Exactly. I've never met a woman. Now what prevents that type of energy, that energetic connection to take place is what we believe to be true is unprocessed childhood trauma. It prevents us from realizing our true core energy for women. From our perspective, women want to be in their soft, surrendering, creative, ideative, sensual, flirtatious, buoyant, and radiant energy most of the time. A man in his powerful, devoted, decisive, protective, provisionary energy is a man in his healthy, masculine energy and wants to incessantly provide an environment for his woman, his wife to feel safe and secure and at peace. Ooh, David. So if that is, so if that, if we can get to the baseline of that is the formula and the recipe for a healthy, polarized, co-creative marriage dynamic, then it absolutely makes sense that a woman is looking for, pining for, desiring one of those key elements of masculine energy within her partner. That oftentimes is represented by financial security. Now to say all that means, oh, if I have a man who's rich, if I have a man who's wealthy, as far as what his bank account says, as far as, as you put it, his digital wallet, what's it say? Tell me, what's it say? If that was the only element that provided security, safety, and provision, well, we wouldn't see relationships crumble. We would not have a divorce rate that's over 50%. And rather, I will say this, most notably, the divorce rate actually should be about 80% because the vast majority of people who stay together are in unhealthy relationships. And yet they stay primarily for what? Financial provision. So if that was the only factor in contributing to a healthy, polarized relationship, well, goodness gracious, our relationships, relationships wouldn't be an issue. We wouldn't be consistently looking on how to improve relationships. It wouldn't be, it wouldn't be so high in how much time, energy, and money we spend on dating apps and cosmetics and clothes and the gym and all of these elements that can, quote, help us land a man, land a woman, and then remain in a healthy relationship. If that were true, we would be rid of so many problems and complications and challenges, but it's not true. So does a woman want and crave and desire provision by her masculine husband, masculine partner? Without question, but it's one element of what creates the full extent of a masculine man. Wow. Wow. We can end the show right here. Exactly. And scene. There we go, girl. Let's go. And scene, right? Exercise left. That's right. That's right. That's right. And we're done. Wow. Wow. Okay. So you said that's only one element. Okay. So how do you think advocating for shared financial responsibility in a relationship contributes to gender equality and mutual respect? That's a great question. Well, we're making some assumptions even within that question, right? We're saying, oh, gender equality is what we're searching for. Okay. Who says, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait, wait. Why are we trying to ascend to an element to where men and women are considered equal? So I'm going to challenge that for just a moment. Go ahead. The last time I checked men and aren't equal. Okay. Meaning men are vastly different than women. Why? Because men, when they're in their healthy energy, do not want to be provided for. So there is the evidence that says, oh, wait a minute. That denotes that men and women aren't equal. Let's pause right there. Let's pause right there. Absolutely. You said when they are in their healthy energy, what's an example of unhealthy energy then? Exactly. Exactly. So as we identify in our coaching practice, we help men and women begin to identify their inverted core energy, meaning men that are more in their wounded feminine energy that exhibit behaviors and symptoms such as passivity, the nice guy, easygoing, codependent, people pleasing, attached to love, wanting to ensure that everybody likes them. They crave praise and adoration and gifts and flattery. This is a man who is in his wounded feminine energy. And this man will always 100% unequivocally attract a woman in her wounded masculine energy. This is what we refer to as an inverted marriage dynamic. Wounded masculine energy is manifested and exemplified in her behavior, such as control, nagging, attached to achievement, phosphate, hyper-independence, hyper-vigilance, overgiving, overextending, overexplaining. She is in control of her world. This is a woman, as an example, in her wounded masculine energy, which at the deepest core of who she is as a woman, she does not want to be there. She really doesn't. Why is she there? Unprocessed, unreleased, unknown childhood trauma that has led her to make decisions to place masculine walling in front of her to protect herself because of what she experienced in her childhood. And the same is true for men in their wounded feminine energy. These are all protective mechanisms for him to be in his wounded feminine energy. It's actually a protective mechanism to keep him safe. If he doesn't make decisions, if he wants his wife to lead, if he wants his wife to make the money and to provide for him, for his wounded nervous system, that feels familiar and normal and desired. But in reality, when individuals begin to realize, oh, wow, I don't think I am in my core energy. How do I know this to be true, Callie? Because I spent the vast majority of my adult life, the vast majority of my life in my wounded feminine energy, where I sought women to help save, fix, and mend me. And so then I would attract, by the law of polarity, women or in their wounded masculine energy who were looking for someone to save. And so that relationship, quote, worked, except it wasn't aligned. It wasn't grounded. It wasn't in the core energies of what we were created to exhibit. And so when people say, oh, we're supposed to be equal, I understand the premise. I get it. And let me be very clear about this. Both of these social movements that I'm about to describe, they needed to happen for reasons, the feminist movement and the Me Too generation. Both were necessary to grab the attention of the social constructs that had prevented women from actually becoming women. But what has happened with both of those movements is they have swung the pendulum violently in the opposite way and actually have taken and stripped and robbed women of their femininity. I'll let that sit for a second. Interesting. Yeah. Let that simmer. Let that simmer. Wow. Okay. Okay. I cut you off, but when you said unhealthy energy, that caught my ear. Okay. All right. So while that's simmering, okay, I'll go back to the question of how does advocating for shared financial responsibility in relationships contribute to, we've answered the gender equality, how does it contribute to mutual respect? Absolutely. Absolutely. So there's also this narrative that says equality, as we have justified it, and we've admittedly poked some holes in it, that we assume that equality means that now we have mutual respect. Now mutual respect, absolutely. Who doesn't want to be honored, respected, known, seen, to know that they belong, heard, cherished, respected. However, what we have assumed is that this equality, this 50-50 mentality says, oh, if we're 50-50, if she's contributing, if he's contributing, then everybody is happy. But what we have seen through the research, through our own work, through the data, it says, wow, who then is in charge of ensuring that that equity stays in place? So if you're making 52% of the household income, and the wife is making 48% of the household income, who's in charge? Who's leading? And how do we manage that? Well, what often happens is, believe it or not, the result of this is there's always an unhealthy, underlying, resentful competition that exists between partners. Wow. Especially if finances are not shared, which we find that all the time. We always recommend in our coaching and teaching that when we are in a committed relationship in marriage, that finances are shared. They are together, just like you are together. So it always is a blaring red flag when couples share when they do not have their finances combined. Now, mutual respect, again, super, super important. However, respect is received and understood and transferred vastly different between men and women. So again, here we are back to the equity, back to the equality conversation. We make the assumption that men and women, as we identify in heterosexual relationships, is that men and women are equal. And what everything around us says is we're not. It's why women are pursuing men with money. It says, wow, I don't want to have to be the provider. I want the, quote, soft life. Well, of course you do, sweetie, because that's inherently who you are at the deepest core of your healthy, feminine energy. But it has been so riddled with misunderstandings, myths, and misconceptions that everybody now is confused. So at the heart of a woman wanting her husband to provide absolutely healthy, without question. And yet, as you were indicating in the introduction, boy, there have been a couple of generations of women now that have been told not to trust, not to rely, and not to need a man. There's this confusion. It says, oh, wait, I want to date wealthy men. I want to have a man who makes the money. And if you ask women why, they may not even know why. They may say, well, because then he can provide for me. Yes, and keep going. What else does that mean? So I'm going to turn a left turn real quick here. This is what I say to individuals who are in the dating space. The number one question, the only one that you will ever need to ask on a first date is this, how are you healing your inner wounds? Now, everybody that's watching this probably just shut this down. They're like, oh, I can't ask that, not on a first date. I totally get it. Exactly. It's like, why are we dancing around something that is, from our perspective, the most important question and topic you will ever have a conversation about in any type of marriage relationship. It's the only one that matters. In fact, on my wedding day to my wife, this is the only vow that I said, I commit to consistently engage in my own healing, growth, and transformation so that then I can support you, babe, who has committed to do the same. That's it. That's all a relationship is. So we can take the these and the thousand, the death to us part and sickness and health, and we can throw it all out the window because it doesn't mean anything. The reality is a healthy polarized relationship is composed of two individuals. Two shall become one is not part of a healthy relationship. That is a misquote, by the way. It is not two shall become one. It is two shall remain two in their autonomy, sovereignty, independence to ensure that they're taking care of themselves in their own growth, healing, and transformative journeys so that then they can remain in their healthy core energy. The man can be truly in his healthy masculine, and the woman can truly be in her healthy feminine. When you have that, look out. You are going to have the most powerful, beautiful, co-creative, sensual, passionate, playful, harmonious, adventurous relationship you could ever dream of. Why? Because I'm experiencing that right now. Now, am I wife and I perfect? Oh, heck no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. But I will tell you this. We just had this conversation a couple of weeks ago, Kelly. My wife and I were on the couch. We're having this conversation, and I was looking out the window, turning out into the abyss, and I turned to her and I said, babe, I cannot believe some days that I get to live in this existence with you. I thought that I was never going to be honored and blessed with the relationship that I have with you. The days that we work incredibly hard on ourselves to ensure that we can show up and support one another in our own growth, healing, and transformation. It is mesmerizing. It is mysterious. It is magical, and it is a miracle that this is happening. This, Kelly, is what we help other men, women, and couples begin to realize, so that there is no more shame for women to say, oh, I want to be provided for, and for that not to be looked upon as a weakness, but actually the truest essence of what a woman desires in her body, in her life, in her existence. Right. Right. Wow. Wow. Okay. We only have a few minutes left, and I wish we had more time. I feel like my viewers, we're getting therapy right now. Okay. We're getting a counseling session for free. Okay. Right now, this is not even digging deep. Okay. If somebody signed up for your counseling services, I'm sure they will not regret it. Coming together, you said as two, not really as one, but as two, because if it's as two, then you have that sense of independence to continue to work on yourself. Am I making sense? That is correct. That is absolutely correct. The irony of all ironies, the paradoxes of all paradoxes, is that when two enter into a relationship, they're making a decision to remain sovereign and autonomous in their own bodies, lives, desires, wants, hobbies, and choosing the other person to join them along the way. It's not, oh, until death do us part, and so now we're married, and so this is just the way it is. In fact, this is what I have to, the decision that I have to make each and every day, Kelly, this is the decision I have to make every day is this one. I choose Paige, my wife, today, just today. Doesn't mean I'll choose her tomorrow. Now, a lot of viewers and listeners may be watching this going, excuse me, what? That's not commitment. Actually, it is the strongest commitment, because what it's saying is I commit to today, which means I'm going to work tirelessly to ensure that I am improving me today so that I can remain in this energy to choose this woman. Now, Paige can absolutely roll over tomorrow morning to bed and tap me on the shoulder and say, babe, you know what? I'm out. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to grow. I don't want to heal. I'm going to go this way. I've found something else. Now, I would probably have some questions to ask, but ultimately, that's her prerogative. If she chooses to exit and complete the relationship, because she's going to go in a different direction that isn't of a growth, a healing, and a transformative process, why in the world would I remain in that connection? Why in the world? And this is the powerful question, is that most relationships stay together out of trauma bonds and not healthy dynamics. They stay together because of scarcity, because of money, because of kids, because of what people will think rather than taking their own independent want and desire for who they want to be in the future. Wow. Wow. This was so great. I would love to have you come back for a part two. I didn't even get through all of my questions, sir. We will do it. We will do it. And we talked about off camera as bringing my wife. Exactly. Yes. Bring Paige. Bring Paige. I would love to hear it. Definitely bring my wife along. Yes, I would love to hear her anytime. She is much prettier than me and brilliant. She is one of a kind and it's not just because I'm married to her. She is extraordinary and exceptional. And I look forward to having her alongside me on the next time that we come together, Kelly. This has been great. I will definitely call you back to come back and join me on the show. This has been really, really great. For those of you watching, please, you can log on to daring-deeply.com. From there, you can find all of the other ways that you can access and contact both David and Paige Lee for their services. Thank you again for joining me. All right. And I am Kelly with Humanity of Fame. You all have a great rest of your day. Thank you, David and peace and blessings.