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Quiet No More
My truth about family, life and history. No longer quiet about the truth of feeling alone at school, work and home. A place for women (and men) to hear what being open about what shaped their life and purpose is all about.
About Carmen Cauthen:
Carmen Wimberley Cauthen is an author, speaker, and lover of history, Black history in particular. As a truth teller, she delights in finding the hidden truths about the lives of people who made a difference - whether they were unknown icons or regular everyday people.
Quiet No More
You have to show up FOR YOU First!!!
Have you ever felt like the only one standing up for yourself?
Carmen Coffin shares her compelling journey of overcoming workplace challenges and managing health issues by prioritizing her own needs. Through personal stories, Carmen illustrates how acts of self-care and self-advocacy can transform your life when you find yourself facing obstacles alone.
Learn how she navigated difficult moments and discover the importance of small acts, like treating yourself to a gift or a massage, that significantly boost your well-being.
Join us as we uncover practical self-care practices that you can easily incorporate into your daily routine. From taking a long hot bath to dancing alone at home, Carmen emphasizes the rejuvenating power of simple, joyful activities. Whether you're escaping to the beach or enjoying a solo movie outing, it's all about finding those small pleasures that make you feel special.
This episode is a heartfelt reminder that you deserve to show up for yourself in meaningful ways, and that self-care is not a luxury but a necessity for a balanced and fulfilled life.
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Carmen Wimberley Cauthen is an author, speaker, and lover of history, Black history in particular. As a truth teller, she delights in finding the hidden truths about the lives of people who made a difference - whether they were unknown icons or regular everyday people.
To Learn more of Carmen:
www.carmencauthen.com
www.researchandresource.com
Unseen, unheard. We've lived like that far too long. I'm Carmen Coffin and this is Quiet, no More. Are you showing up for you, or are you just showing up for everybody else? If you don't show up for you, nobody else will. I mean they might, but sometimes there isn't anybody else to show up for you. Sometimes people, well-meaning people, will allow you to deal with stuff on your own Because they think it's something that they can't and shouldn't get involved in. So who's going to show up for you in that case? You.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's a hard thing to show up for ourselves. We just figure it'll get better, it'll stay the same, surely it won't get worse. And then, when it gets worse, we think well, I wonder if I should say something. Who else is going to say something if you don't say it, especially when it's about you? I can remember being at work and having issues, having concerns, having people come to me because they had concerns and if I didn't say anything, nobody else would. Morale would be bad and we'd hide it. You know, people would just hide it because they didn't want to go against the person who they presumed to have the power. But eventually I had to say you know, I can't, we can't keep doing this and I had to say it because I'm affected by it. So do you show up for you? Do you show up to exhort yourself? Do you show up to say, girl, you got this, you can do it? I've had to do that part.
Speaker 1:I've had to do a lot of showing up for myself. You know, I remember also during holidays. This is crazy, but during holidays I would always make sure we had stockings hanging. You know, we didn't have a chimney but we had stockings hanging and I made sure everybody had stuff in their stockings. When my children were little, I made sure my husband had stuff in his stocking. You know, my stocking was always flat, always flat. Nobody was showing up for me. My assumption had been that my husband would teach the children to put something in the stocking, or he would put something in my stocking. They all loved getting stuff in their stockings and it wasn't nothing but something from the dollar store. You know, a box of candy here, a box of candy there. But it never crossed your mind to put something in the stocking for me. So then I had to learn okay, if I'm going shopping for other folks for stuff, get yourself a little something, just a little, something, something. Show up for yourself Is the way that you show up for yourself, the same way that you show up for other people. For a long time it wasn't for me. Me, I would show up for other people with everything and then some, and I didn't show up for me at all. But I learned if I don't show up for me, nobody else will.
Speaker 1:I was flying home home one day and I was waiting. This was when I was on oxygen, but I didn't have an oxygen concentrator. I had not ordered it early enough to get it before I got on the plane. So I figured I'd be okay. And I'm crazy, I'm flying from North Carolina to Seattle without the oxygen. But I was just going to be on a plane, I wasn't going to be walking, I wasn't going to be doing any of that stuff and I was going to have the oxygen tanks at the hotel. So I'm waiting for someone to come and get me with the wheelchair and one flight attendant looks at the other one and says what does she need a wheelchair for? I never thought about the fact that I don't look like I have a disability, but I certainly don't like to be assumed that I'm using what somebody else needs and I don't need it. So when I heard her say that, I got up and went to her because I'm the last person on the plane and I said I have a rare disease, it's called pulmonary hypertension, and when I walk my oxygen sats drop and so I'm not supposed to walk very far without my oxygen. And I didn't bring any on the plane and so, even though I look perfectly healthy in fact I look a little overweight I don't need a wheelchair because of that. I need a wheelchair so that I'm not huffing and puffing as I'm going out of the airport. And she's like oh I'm, I didn't mean anything, but you did. You said it. You had a question about what you didn't know anything about and you spoke and I heard it and it was wrong, and so the only person to stand up for me right that minute was me. Stand up for yourself. Don't sit back and let people talk about you when they don't know the truth, and it might not be any of their damn business, but you know what. You can fix it. You can fix it.
Speaker 1:I used to see my parents show up for other people. I used to see my parents show up for other people, and so I learned to do it. And I learned to do it well. It wasn't until I saw my mom, probably in her 70s, show up for herself, like going and get a manicure, that I realized, oh, that's part of showing up for yourself. And I still didn't do it.
Speaker 1:I go to the hairdresser. I've learned to get a massage. I went for about six years with massage gift certificates that expired because I never took the time for myself and somebody else had paid for them. Those things are not cheap and I finally started to go and get them myself. That's a luxury, even if I just go to the chair massage place and get one for 15 minutes. But that's showing up for me. It helps lower my blood pressure. It helps lower my blood glucose. It helps lower my blood glucose. It is a healthy thing to do.
Speaker 1:The other thing my mom used to do, and I used to tease her about it, was if she found a pair of shoes that fit and she liked them and they had more than one color, she would get multiples. I never thought about it, because she had narrow feet and it was hard for her to find shoes. That was a way to stand up for herself, especially because she was a teacher. So she was on her feet and she needed to take care of them. What kinds of ways do you take care of yourself? What kinds of ways do you show up for yourself?
Speaker 1:I'm learning to show up for myself in the fact that I like colors in my clothes. I used to wear black all the time. I don't have to do that because I like what I like and I can buy what I want. I don't have to answer to anybody else If it's budget related. I just have to put buying stuff that I want in the budget. I don't have to go to the thrift store to get clothes unless I want to, but that's something in order to make sure that I have time for me. I have had a habit of staying up late at night. I don't get started doing things until about 10 o'clock for me because I've been taking care of everybody else the rest of the day. I'm learning to change that.
Speaker 1:What do you do to show up for you? How do you show up for you? Think about some ways. Is it taking a long hot bath? Heck, is it taking a shower first and then a long hot bath? Is it running away once every four or five months, going to the beach by yourself. Shoot, is it going to the beach with a couple of girlfriends and y'all live the kids and the husbands and the dogs and all that other stuff at home. It doesn't always have to be expensive. Sometimes showing up for you means you're going to the movies.
Speaker 1:I'm still working on going by myself, but for me, just going is an adventure. It's something that I used to just not do because I didn't have time, I didn't have anybody to go with, but now it's an adventure for me. What about things that you like to do that you put on the back shelf? I love to dance. I love to dance. I grew up dancing. I didn't dance any for about 30 years while I was married, unless some music came on and I was in the house by myself and I danced. Nobody was dancing with me.
Speaker 1:Show up for you. What does that look like in your life? It might look like going to the hairdresser or getting your hair color or getting your nails painted. It might look like going to the gym and doing some exercise. It might look like going for a walk around the block. It might like look like going to the arboretum or the gardens and just looking at the flowers because you want to shoot.
Speaker 1:For that point I show up for myself by going to Trader Joe's and get myself a bunch of flowers and bringing them home and arranging them, because I like flowers. And sometimes it means I am showing up for myself because I want something special to eat. I don't want to cook it and I will go and get it. And even if I don't stay at the restaurant, I will come home and put it on a pretty plate and sit down and eat, even if I'm eating by myself, because that's what I want to do for me, that is showing up for me and that's what I want to do for me. That is showing up for me and that's an important thing to do. We were put here, it was a purpose, but that purpose never said deny yourself of everything. Show up for you. Be quiet no more. You've been listening to Quiet no More where I share my journey, so you can be quiet no more. Let's connect at wwwcarmencawthoncom.