...lets talk about it

...welcome to my first podcast- 
im very new at this, so please be patient on its growth- 
thank you...

 on this podcast:
i will introduce myself-

the poems recited on this episode are: 
-buddhas under bridges
-the messenger

you matter, and i am grateful you are here-
thank you for the time you extended-
i appreciate you.

kb

..all poetry on my podcast can be found at www.twomillionthoughts.com
instagram: 2millionthoughtz

Transcript

Hey, let's talk about it. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. This is kb and this is Buddhas Under Bridges. This podcast will cover depression, anxiety, OCD, ADHD, autism, suicidal ideation, love, heartbreak, and so much more. in the form of poetry. The reason for this podcast is to document not only the lows of depression, not only the pain hell, not even the collapse, but the survival of it.

How often do we congratulate one another on the survival? I mean, honestly, because in all reality, how many of us have ever had someone say, Oh, You didn't take your life today. Congratulations. I mean, seriously, almost no one says that, but this podcast will. This podcast says, I am proud of you for still being with us because your tomorrows belong to you and you deserve them.

Your tomorrows belong to you, and you deserve them. I'm a very spiritual person, and I don't want to be depressed. Who wants to be depressed? And prayerfully, one day I'll figure it all out. But so far, I don't think I've taken the right steps. But I want to. And I don't want to be depressed. I don't. I do know that I find so much peace in the sun and I want to surround myself more with the outdoors.

I do believe that, I really do. The sun, the trees, the grass, the wind, the earth. I do believe that there is so much peace that is embodied and found when you do place yourself more into the earth and I really want to work on doing more of that. I'm a severe introvert, I am. I don't have any friends whatsoever that I hang out with or do anything with, or I'm that much of an introvert.

But, I do want to change, you know, even a tad bit. Step outside of my comfortability and try new things and maybe meet a few new people. Um, but I definitely do believe that there is peace outdoors. So if you are an introvert, maybe you should work on getting a little bit of God's sun and God's earth with me.

We can work on it together. I will update my podcast when I do go out, when I feel what I'm sensing. So maybe you can try it too. This podcast is all about the growth outside of depression, how to be relieved of it, how to come out of it. I am deeply, deeply embedded in it, but I do believe that I can come out, and if that's you, I believe that you can come out too.

Also, my vulnerability is my highest weight was 480. I am down to 400 pounds. I've developed a much healthier relationship with food, but there's still room to grow. I'm such a picky eater. Trying new things can be very difficult for me. But again, I do believe that there's a healing in the simplicity of what we intake as our food choices.

And when it comes to depression, I really would like to learn that avenue. Also, I'm a mom of four. I am diagnosed as high functioning. I have two kids in college and two kids on the spectrum at home, a 20 year old daughter and a 12 year old son. Hey, we got doors missing, holes in walls. Trust me. If your home endures the journey of autism, I get it.

Sometimes I even say I feel so alone that it feels like the entire home is made of brick. Brick windows, brick everything. So I get it, and I extend to you the biggest embrace. I really do. Today I will be sharing two poems with you. I will be sharing a poem entitled Buddha's Under Bridges, which is what my podcast stems from.

And I will also be sharing a poem with you called The Messenger. Here is Buddha's Under Bridges. Sometimes I wonder, how many Shakespeare's live and die, unfounded and unknown. Minds of undocumented gifts and writings, homeless souls under bridges with minds of Buddha. Internal riches that never made cash value.

But what if the actual Shakespeare had never been found? What if such words had never been shared? If no one paid attention? Sometimes I wonder, how many Shakespeare's live and die unfounded and unknown- minds of undocumented gifts and writings- homeless under bridges with minds of buddha -sometimes i wonder if i will die one too- So Buddhas and the Bridges stems from the pain of unopened doors, or as we may say, failed dreams.

For me, it was songwriting. Songwriting was everything to me. And I was mad good at it. For real, I was really good at it. But severe anxiety took over and doors just didn't align right. So I always feared dying unrecognized. and unknown, gifts and all. And it's not that I'm giving up, because I'm not, but I'm stepping back to let God lead.

Because obviously, my route just wasn't working. And more than songwriting, I crave peace of mind. So that is the first grab. Then all else will follow, you know? So find your peace first. Find that first. Because mental health is no joke. It's not. That is why we lose so many people when we look back and say, But, I didn't know they was that bad.

I didn't know they was that depressed. Yeah. Yeah they were. Yeah we are. We just mask it exceptionally well. As do I, and that masking is draining, and it's alright. So, find your peace. The rest shall follow. The next poem I'm going to recite to you is called, The Messenger. There's this poem that begged to be written tonight

at 128 a.m., when silence conversates with you as the entire house sleeps. And racing thoughts become the chaos that makes sense when the sun hides and the moon is found. That poem of scattered words that somehow form into one that you can't make logic of, yet in the strangest of ways is still understood.

So the pen writes. And you follow. That poem that feels the suffering of the world as it becomes a creation of relevance. The one that cries with us all, yet somehow embraces us ever so gently, begging us to find even one grace of beauty to cling to. The poem that asks us to still the wars within and wonders if we've paused to feel the breeze today or if we've ever tried closing our eyes as it greets the soul simply to feel the presence of you and say hello,

our Father, our God- our Alpha and the Omega that knows the diseases we battle, the immaculate hides we create, as we are covered in the grace of your love and forgiveness, reminded in the beauty of a poem as it celebrates our continuance and bleeds black ink for our lives to remain and bleeds black ink for us to release the rage that wrongfully calls that was never built for us to become.

Yet the poem that bled black ink to say you are loved in the form of uncounted letters if your soul needs reminding. The poem that led me and not I it, that called upon me until I sat down to write and the one I respectfully abided to. The one that understands that life shifts east when it should not, and travels to the chill of north when you've packed for the warmth of south, delivering the unfairest and least understood of circumstance and outcomes, leaving unanswered questions and unhealed wounds.

But the poem that also begs us to know that God is,  when fear and doubt says he is not and lies the lie of all lies. It is the poem that suffices as a lullaby written to the sound of anchor by Novo Amor. Of cradling arms with no restriction of age and an embrace wide enough for the entire world soon to be translated to every known language for every known soul.

To heal the ones who have forgotten the peace that forgiveness holds and to assure the ones who feel lost that they were never forgotten. There's this poem that begged to be written tonight at 128 a.m. when silence conversated with me as the entire house slept. Thus has been done, thus has been done.

Amen. So the messenger is about the peace that I spoke of before. It's about the lies that your pain and your fears and doubt tells you when it says there is no God. Because even in life's chaos, he still is. My soul kept instructing and just telling me to write, to write. So when I did, And this became the product.

It's almost like something higher was cradling me, was reminding me to keep going. So I too extend it to you, so that you also may be enwrapped with God's love. Thank you, thank you, and thank you for joining me today. I have so many stories to share with you in the art of poetry. Thank you. Now, some gon be a little ratchet, some gon be a little raw, some gon be a little intimate.

But, in life, every emotion is encountered. So in poetry, every emotion should be detailed. So thank you for joining me today. First podcast. I truly hope to see you soon, even if my podcast affects one soul. I got you. And I look forward to speaking to you next time. My far away friends, my beautiful and new far away friends, find your tomorrow and I shall find mine.

Until next time, it's your girl, kb.