Aging with Purpose and Passion

Surviving Military Sexual Assault: Kim Langling's Journey to Healing

• Beverley Glazer • Episode 126

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What happens when trauma gets buried for fifteen years? Kim Langling's powerful journey from military sexual assault survivor to advocate and author shows us both the cost of silence and the liberation that comes with breaking it.

Kim never planned to join the military when she was growing up in small-town America, but with limited options and no interest in college, she enlisted and quickly found herself thriving in military intelligence. Her life changed forever when she was sexually assaulted during her service. The aftermath brought not just personal trauma, but institutional betrayal as she faced what she describes as punishment for reporting her assault. 

The next fifteen years saw Kim burying her experience, determined to be "strong" by never showing what she perceived as weakness. It wasn't until a perfect storm of personal losses—divorce, death, and a friend's suicide—brought her literally to her knees in what she now recognizes as a severe panic attack. This breakdown became her breakthrough, beginning a spiritual awakening that ultimately led to healing.

With the reluctant help of Vietnam veterans who recognized her symptoms and "dragged her kicking and screaming" to the VA, Kim began confronting her past. Though the VA had no programs for female veterans who'd experienced sexual assault at that time, this first step eventually led to writing books, hosting her "Let Fear Bounce" podcast, and becoming an advocate for others.

The most powerful moment in Kim's story comes when she describes an 81-year-old woman who approached her after a talk, revealing she had carried similar trauma silently for 70 years. This heartbreaking revelation underscores why Kim now shares her story: "When you share, you find peace and help others do the same."

Are you carrying unspoken burdens? Kim's advice resonates with beautiful simplicity: "Look in the mirror and remind yourself that you're standing there. That means you have a 100% success rate of getting through the tough stuff."

For similar episodes on trauma and abuse, check out episodes 104 and 114 of Aging with Purpose and Passion. And Catherine Marienau and Gail Zelitzky co-host their weekly podcast, Women Over 70-Aging Reimagined, where vital women ages 70-110 change the narrative about aging . Listen here: www.womenover70.com


Resources:

Kim Lengling:

lenglingauthor@gmail.com

Website: www.kimlenglingauthor.com

https://www.facebook.com/letfearbouncepodcast

https://www.instagram.com/lenglingauthor/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberlylengling/

https://www.youtube.com/@LetFearBounce

 Beverley Glazer MA. ICCAC: 

https://reinventimpossible.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/beverleyglazer/

https://www.facebook.com/beverley.glazer

FaceBook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenover50rock

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host. Psychotherapist coach and empowerment expert Beverley Glazer. Psychotherapist coach and empowerment expert,B everley Glazer.

Beverley Glazer:

Are you ready to be inspired by raw honesty and real-life conversations? Well, welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. I'm Beverley Glazer, a transformational coach and catalyst dedicated to empowering women to step into their confidence, take bold leaps and create the life they truly deserve. Are you ready to reach your fullest potential? You can find more about me on reinventimpossiblecom. Today, I'm absolutely thrilled to introduce you to Kim Lengling. Thrilled to introduce you to Kim Lengling. Kim is a multi-published author and a 2024 Global Book Awards finalist. She's a podcast host, a military assault survivor and an advocate for female veterans who've been abused. This episode will teach you about finding your purpose and empower you to face your fears head on. Keep listening, hey, Kim. Welcome.

Kim Lengling:

Oh, thanks so much for having me. I've been looking forward to this conversation.

Beverley Glazer:

Great. Tell us all about this, because you're going to give us a bird's eye view into what really goes on and what went on during your time, you know, in the military and also growing up in a small town where everybody kind of believes that that's how to get out right.

Kim Lengling:

That was the case with me, at least from my personal perspective. I did grow up in a very small town, you know, small town USA. From my personal perspective, I did grow up in a very small town, small town USA. One stoplight and one block and it's a beautiful little town. I still live very close to that town and I look back now in hindsight, from an adult perspective, I'm glad that I grew up in the small town that I did, surrounded by country and farms and things like that.

Kim Lengling:

But when you're grown up at least for me you just want to get out. You know it's like well, I want to see the world. I want to do this in colleges for some, but not for all. Military is for some but not for all. I had zero interest in going to college. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up and their finances just weren't there. It just it wasn't going to happen for me and that was fine. That didn't bother me because I knew that college was not really the path for me at that time. So I went into the military and I think half of my graduating class which my graduating class had a total of like 72 people, so half of us went into the military and the other half went to college and I think a few, a handful, went directly into a trade. So that's just how it was back then I sit there and say back then cause, oh my gosh, it was almost 40 years ago. Oh, wow, okay, yeah, but you didn't realize that until just this moment. Wow, that was a long time ago. So back then that's just how it was. It's what we did, you know.

Kim Lengling:

So I went into the military and I loved it. I liked the discipline of it, I liked the regiment of it, I liked knowing that I was a part of something much, much bigger than myself. And when you go into basic training, you're and it's on purpose and it has to be done that way they smash you down to nothing so they can build you up into something else. And I understood that going in. So I had prepared myself physically and mentally for it.

Kim Lengling:

Prior to going in, I was like at peak physical condition. I'm like I'm going to take this, you know, by the horns. I'm going to do great. And I, and I did, I liked it, I, I, I excelled and really enjoyed, um, what I was doing. And I you know the people that I got to meet that I considered brothers and sisters. It was um later on in my time of service, that you know in my time of service, that you know there's still no reason for it. I can't come up with one, but you know, life can become very hard and can change on a dime. But before you even got there.

Beverley Glazer:

You gave your heart and soul to the military. You loved it. It taught you, you were in military intelligence. You loved Morse code. Tell us about that, because you were thriving there, I did enjoy it.

Kim Lengling:

Yeah, and my after basic training you go through all kinds of testing, at least then I don't know what they do now, cause it was quite a while ago. But back then you go through all kinds of testing and you're not really sure what it is you're testing for. But you have to in basic, you're doing all these. So I'm just doing them all and giving it my all, because that's that's my personality too, and it turns out that I was really good at Morse code and so that's what they assigned me to as my job. So, you know, went through all of the top secret security clearance and all of that, and went to training for it, and it was very hard. I mean, it's not an easy thing. It was very hard and the more you got into it the harder it became. But I was still doing. I was doing well, you know, and I I enjoy again. I enjoyed the military. I liked being in it. It I enjoy again. I enjoyed the military, I liked being in it. I wasn't intimidated by it.

Kim Lengling:

And it was during that time, training for the next step, when I was just, you know, out with a couple of my girlfriends from the same barracks. We went to a movie and then we went to they called it the club, but I mean, we were all underage, so it was just, you know, someplace to go and listen to live music, you know, but it was called the club. So we went there and, leaving that evening, you know, we're maybe, I wouldn't even say, a block from our barracks, it was so close. So we always felt safe, you know, walking home, but we always walked home, at least in pairs, and that's what we did that night. And as, crossing, crossing a parking lot, uh, life changed. Yeah, and I'm not going to go into detail, no, but, um, let's just say I didn't make it back to my barracks until later on, hours, hours later, when I was able to escape from where I had been taken and got back to my barracks and tried to bury it.

Kim Lengling:

Your brain is an amazing thing. When you're like, okay, that happened, but nope, never talking about it, not going to acknowledge it, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, you're okay. You're like, okay, that happened, but nope, never talking about it, not going to, not going to acknowledge it, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, you're okay, you're okay, all this stuff, just you know, swirling in your head, um it, it won't stay there. It has to come out. Eventually it will come out.

Kim Lengling:

I buried that for a very long time, but people there where I was stationed began to notice a change in me and I kept being pulled and asked questions what's going on? You're not the same. What's going on? I mean, I was a big change in me, personality wise, all kinds of ways, and then I just I kind of I broke down a bit and it came out. And then and I'm just going to use the words that it was it was a shit storm. Yeah, because who was I?

Kim Lengling:

This young female rock in the boat, didn't matter what happened. I was rocking the boat. Are you kidding me? Happened? I was rocking the boat. Are you kidding me? Who is she? We're going to bury her? Whoa, that's how it felt. So I had to have people with me all the time for my protection. It was horrible. I can honestly say that going through a military trial was, in ways, worse than the actual event. How am I? Because I was put on trial and I didn't do anything wrong, but I was put on trial and they two there was two, two men received slaps on the wrist and I was told we're going to send you to another country to serve the rest of your service or you can be honorably discharged.

Beverley Glazer:

You were punished.

Kim Lengling:

Yes, I was punished in numerous ways for having done nothing wrong and back in the day, being a female in the military was very, very, very new. It wasn't. I mean, women have always served in some part, you know, in all the wars, we know that but it wasn't like the norm. So I was a minority and I rocked the boat. But during that time I was told there were five other young ladies because, remember, we're 18 and 19 years old at this time Just kids I was. But I was just thinking the stubbornness of an 18 year old. I'm like no way I'm going to see this through. And it was really, really hard. It was so hard. And then I did. I eventually was honorably discharged and, you know, came home and buried it, never talked to anybody about it. And again, that doesn't work. That doesn't work. No, no.

Kim Lengling:

It was like 15 years. 15 years later is when. How did it resurface?

Beverley Glazer:

though, oh golly golly. You know you're carrying this PTSD. You're keeping it inside, you're fighting it. It's like you're two different people. You're not free, you're trapped inside. How are you able to pretend that nothing ever happened and I'm just fine?

Kim Lengling:

I have been told my whole life you're one of the strongest people we know, kim, even from a very young age. You're the one people turn to. You're the one who helps people. You're very strong, very strong, and I felt there's no way I could show weakness. That was just my mindset, is it right? No, but at that time that's that's how my brain was. I'm like I will not show weakness. No, people will not about this. I'm not going to have people looking at me different. I'm not going to have people whispering and pointing oh she, oh her. You know I looked at it as a big weakness and which is, of course, completely wrong. Um, hindsight, you know.

Kim Lengling:

So it was 15 years later. I was married, had a daughter and then all kinds of other big, life-altering things happened, like three right at the same time. My grandmother passed away, my husband and I had decided that we were going to get divorced for various reasons, and a dear, dear friend of mine had just committed suicide, and it was all just boom, boom, boom and it literally brought me to my knees on my living room floor and I had a full blown. Now looking back, I know what it was a panic attack. I didn't know what it was. I thought I was losing my mind. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stand and I was ugly crying and I just kept saying please, over and over and over again, please, over and over and over again. And that's what I remember. And it was at that moment that I got this little whisper that said but those that hope in the Lord. I didn't believe in God. And if I did believe in him, I didn't like him at all. I could even say I hated him. You can't hate something that you don't believe in. But you know, that was my brain at the time. And but those who open the Lord? So I was like that's pretty Bible-ish. I'd never been to church and it wasn't raised in church, didn't have a Bible, I didn't read the Bible, but I knew we had a Bible in the house when we got married. Someone had given us one. So I thought, okay, I got to go find that.

Kim Lengling:

So I became frantic trying to find and I'm like that sounds so Bible-ish. I'm looking through the Bible. I'm like I don't know how to find anything in here. There's no table of contents, there's no index. I didn't know what I was doing with the Bible and so I got frustrated and threw it on the ground and it hit my hardwood floor and slid a couple feet away from me and I'm just still crying and frantic, and just a swirl. And then that I felt that whisper again.

Kim Lengling:

But those who hope in the Lord? And I'm like, oh, and I started getting really angry, I'm like I don't understand what this means and I literally thought I was losing it. I completely thought I was losing it and so I reached forward and grabbed the Bible again. I'm like, oh my gosh I mean it's hard to describe my mindset at that time, how awful it was to be in that swirl. And I picked up the Bible and I looked down at it and it felt as if certain words were lit up. And this is just my experience and how it happened. And the words were. But those who hope in the Lord will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint Isaiah. I had never read the Bible so I didn't know that, but there it was, boom in my face. And then I'm like, okay, maybe I'm not losing my mind. And then I was able to breathe a little bit and then I'm like, okay, maybe I'm not losing my mind, and then I was able to breathe a little bit. Did everything magically change that day? No, not at all, but that I can look back now and know that was that pivotal moment where all of a sudden, my completely unsettled soul started to settle just a little bit, and that was the beginning of my new journey.

Kim Lengling:

You know, and then meeting other veterans and them saying hey, what's going on? Cause I still wasn't awesome, it still didn't feel good. And they're like what's going on? I'm like nothing, I'm fine, leave me alone. And these were Vietnam vets, combat Vietnam vets. And they said we don't know what's going on with you, but we recognize the symptoms and if you don't get yourself to the VA, we're going to take you, kicking and screaming. And I said no, and I used much different words than just no, very colorful words. And then they said, no, you know, we're going to take a, kicking and screaming.

Kim Lengling:

And the one time there was a day that came that they arranged for me to meet them under the pretenses of something else, and they indeed did drag me to see a counselor at the VA, kicking and screaming. And I was very, very angry and bitter. And looking back now I'm so very, very thankful and I love each and every one of them very dearly and they're still a very close part of my life. But they did, they took me, but back then again, there was nothing in place for female veterans that had went through sexual assault. Literally nothing in place no female counselors, no programs, nothing. So they took me to a man counselor Cause that's. They took me to who they go to talk to, you know.

Kim Lengling:

And and he, the guy, said right away he goes. Uh, I'm going to have to be honest with you. I know you don't want to be here and I personally we have nothing. We don't know what to do with you. We've never dealt with this situation right here. And he goes, so we can sit here and stare at each other, we can talk it out. And I said we can sit here and stare at each other. And we did that first time 45 minutes just stared, my arms crossed, you know. But I did end up. But I still went back because the guys took me. They kept taking me back.

Kim Lengling:

So I'm very thankful for that and that was like that was the next turning point. That was the next step in my journey to wow Kim, you are worthy. This was not your fault, you know. And you're not weak. In fact, you're really flipping strong, you know. But it took me a long time and I know a lot of people, we all get that, you know. Every once in a while it's like I can't do that and I said I catch myself if I say I can't. I'll be like, oh wait a minute, kim. Oh yes, you can. You know, because look what you've been through and that's all preparing you for whatever might be coming. The way I see it, you know you're going to go through. Life is hard Gosh. Life can be so hard at times, but I try and make myself look at it as it's preparing me to be even that much stronger for what may come down the road later. Because we don't know, we're not promised anything.

Beverley Glazer:

No, but once you opened up to your story and it was excruciating hard to be able to do that, but then you started writing and you were writing a book and now you have a podcast podcast and you have many books. How liberating was that very it.

Kim Lengling:

Each time that I would share something in a book and written form it's much easier for me to write it than it is to speak it. When I would do that, or I give others the space to do that, it was like another little piece of that weight came off, another little piece of that darkness was chipped away. You know, and I still carry stuff. Of course I do because that's part of my history. It's not going to go away. Just because I feel better about it doesn't mean it didn't happen. So it's still, you know. Know, I still carry it. I still get triggered at certain times, you know, emotional memory might kick in and I've got. You know, you're in Walmart and you hear a song and you're like stopped in your tracks, you know. But now at least I can recognize things for what it is that you know I'll be like, I can feel it coming. That's how I describe it like oh no, no, not today, not today, you know, and I just dig into my little toolbox but I would write a lot of that stuff out and giving others the space to do that now, like on my podcast called Let Fear Bounce. So many people share. It's just. I mean, people are amazing. They are amazingly resilient and so strong and courageous, and I want to. I want to give others that opportunity to share their story, because I know mine has helped others. Just like me listening, and I'm sure the same with you. You hear other stories and you're like you leave that conversation going, wow, and it's helped you a little bit too. Of course, you know one, uh one instance that I knew sharing my story was helpful, cause I wasn't sure, cause it was kind of scary to do that, cause the first time I was a coauthor in a book with 15 other women and we all did a chapter. It was called in a book called inspire and I was going around to churches sharing my story to um, like women's reading groups and churches.

Kim Lengling:

And I was at this church this one evening and finished my talk and this uh older woman I later found out, I think she was 80 or 81 years old came up to me and just she said do you mind if I give you a hug? And I said no, of course not. And she gave me a hug so tight. And I said no, of course not. And she gave me a hug so tight, and as she did, she was whispering in my ear. She said 70 years, 70 years, I've been carrying it. The same thing happened to me. God bless you. 70 years and I've never shared it with a soul. And then she backed up and looked at me and tears rolling down her cheeks, I start crying. And I said I hope I was a help to you. And she says oh, you were. You have no idea. And I went do you think you'll share your story? And she said no. But now you know that was so profound, so profound to me.

Kim Lengling:

She carried her trauma and never said anything to anyone for 70 years. I often think of her and I'm positive she's passed on now, because this was quite a while ago that I don't. I don't. I'm glad I'm not that person. I'm going to start crying that I didn't care. 15 years is a long time. I couldn't imagine carrying it for 70, because you're missing out. You miss out on so much. You're missing out on the colors.

Beverley Glazer:

Well said, you're missing out on the colors. That's beautiful. Please tell me what advice can you give to other women who are struggling with trauma and loss right now, as they're listening to you.

Kim Lengling:

I've been sharing this a lot lately. Look in the mirror, sweet pea. Look in the mirror and remind yourself that you're standing there. You're still here. That means you have a 100% success rate of getting through the tough stuff. 100% success rate Doesn't get much better than that. Is life still hard for you? Probably Might be for a while yet, because I don't know your circumstance. But you're still standing, You're still there. 100% success rate. You got to flip that switch in how you think of things because life is hard and I'm not going to sit here and pretend I know how hard everybody's lives are. I can only go by my own experience and how I still have hard days. And I have to remind myself to Kim 100% success rate, Don't forget it. You're still standing and then you just take a deep breath in with the good and out with the bad. That's the best advice I can give you know.

Beverley Glazer:

No, and it's a good tip. Yeah, just breathe and then move on with this. You're here, there's possibility for you.

Kim Lengling:

Thank you, absolutely. Yeah, you're here for a reason.

Beverley Glazer:

Perfect, yeah. Kim Lengley is a multi-published author and 2024 Global Book Awards finalist. She's a podcast host, a military assault survivor and an advocate for female veterans who've been abused. Abused. Kim has turned her fuel into fire and she spreads nuggets of hope to those who need it the most.

Beverley Glazer:

And here are some takeaways from this week's episode. When you push through adversity, you'll emerge that much stronger. You're not alone in your struggles and others are there to help you. And when you share your story, you find peace and help other people to do the same. If you've been relating to this episode, please think of something that you can do to take power over your life. Perhaps it's by journaling or talking to a trusted friend, or by setting up an appointment to speak to a counselor who understands. For similar episodes on trauma and abuse, please check out episode 104 and 114 of Aging with Purpose and Passion. And, if you've enjoyed this story, catherine Mariano and Gail Zielinski co-host Women Over 70 Aging Reimagined, where women 70 to 110 rewrite the narrative on aging, and that's womenover70.com. Where can people learn more about you, kim, and where can they find your books?

Kim Lengling:

Easiest place to learn more about me is just at my website, which is kimlenglingauthor. com. My podcast episodes are on there, my books are on there. All my books are available on Amazon, so the website is the easiest spot. You also meet my dog, dexter, on there, because he is my official office manager, so he likes he's the one who gets all the emails and then lets me know what's happening and what's coming. So kimlenglingauthor. com.

Beverley Glazer:

Very cool, and Kim's links are going to be in the show notes and they're going to be on my site too, that's reinventimpossiblecom. And now, my friends, what's next for you? Are you just going through the motions or are you really passionate about your own life? Download my free checklist from stuck to unstoppable to unlock your full potential, and that link is in the show notes as well. You can connect with me, Beverly Glazer, on all social media platforms and in my positive group of women on Facebook. That's Women Over 50 Rock, and if you're looking for guidance in your own life, I invite you to explore reinventimpossiblecom. Thank you for listening. Have you enjoyed this conversation? Please drop a review, send it to a friend and always remember that you have only one life, so keep living and aging with purpose and passion.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website, reinventimpossible. com and, while you're there, join our newsletter Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion and celebrate life.