Getting a Firm Understanding of Your Identity as a New Convert

This podcast covering identity changes as a new muslim 

• We go through my journey of how I handled this change myself
• the top common mistakes we make as new Muslims
• inspiring stories to help us on our journey 
• the two states of being a Muslim: Sabr and Shukr 
• How we can continue to connect 

Connect: http://www.instagram.com/becomingmuslimpodcast

Transcript

All right. Well, welcome back to the BecomingMuslim podcast. We are going to be talking about identity as a convert and pretty much my journey.and My advice on how I can help in any possible way. And I'm excited to speak with you all. its been a minute. Welcome to the Becoming Muslim podcast. This is a podcast for shining a light on a beautiful religion that the media doesn't quite do. My name is Marilyn Rose White girl convert girl from Wisconsin living in London, and let's get started. OK, so let's unpack this. Hi, salaam alaikum, may ALlah the peaceful one be upon you. Welcome to the podcast. It has been a solid minute because. Really? I haven't found like the flow that I want to go for this podcast, I felt so much like responsibility and pressure of I want to help people, but I don't want to say anything wrong. I know this is like such a conversation in that I want to make sure that my words are good and I went through so much. And so I want to kind of go over that with y'all and thank you so much for everyone who who listens to this. Thank you so much for all of you who are following the Becoming Muslim podcast Instagram. I want to startcreating more content, and I think I'm going to put together a team of other people that I know. And pretty much this is what I've been up to essentially has started a Islamic class that I have been going to in London and it's a two year sanatayn which means two year course, and I'm pretty much going over the basics of what I shouldn' know as a Muslim or I think I should know, and it's been so beneficial, so much joy and I want to share as much as I can with you. OK, so today's topic is pretty much about identity in Islam as a convert identity in this new society. Identity is what does it mean being a Muslim? And so I'm just going to talk a little about my story. I pretty much converted to Islam about almost five years ago of Hamdallah and I all of a sudden move to London. So again, I'm American from Wisconsin, and I have traveled the world, but I had never lived in a new place since I moved to London. Just beautiful. It's a great city, but I'm a Wisconsin girl always used to say I'm like, I very much like suburb vibes. And so I move to Big City. New York always carried me like London was always like a least. Like top five least places that I would not like to go to or like to live in. Well, hello,Allah had other plans for me, so I moved to London and. Had adopted a new family, essentially which had Bengali culture, which is a whole other culture in itself, like I didn't even know Bangladesh was a country, and again, I'm so sorry for anyone who's listening to this. Like, I had no idea I was very un aware of any other place in the world that. Like any other diversity at all, like so very much like I'm I'm really Mexican, but like I had my own other identity things going on, especially like a young girl being Mexican, going to a new neighborhood, new area, a new suburb, new like financial status, like all these different things growing up that way. So I already had so many identity things that I was going through. And then when I became Muslim, I now had a new religion, a new country, a new culture that I had to really like, figure out like, OK, who am I in all of this? And when I became with them, like, I went through so many things and I'm going to go over like these common mistakes that we make as new Muslims when it comes to our identity. All of a sudden it's like we want to go from the bottom of the mountain all the way, jump jumping it to the top and taking it on like right away. I know straight on I was like, day one. I'm like, I'm going to wear a niqab. I'm so like ready. But meanwhile, never even like most modest clothes that I had at the time, then when I did, my shahada was like a maxi dress and then a scarf over my head like my arms. Throw in all these things. It was very different. Like, I didn't have any understanding of what modesty was. And so straight away, it's like, OK, from zero to niqab is very zero to everything all at once. And so one of the common mistakes is like going all or nothing mentality. And what happens is we go too hard that it's like we break ourselves. And it's one of the things that in Islam is like women are these like apart from like a rib of a man, and it's we're meant to be bent but never broken, like never been to the point that we snap or break. And so I think that applies very similarly as a convert. Like you don't want to break all of a sudden because you're implying like everything all at once. And one of the beautiful things is that the Quran wasn't released overnight. It wasn't revealed overnight. It was something that was been given over a twenty three year time period. It's a lot like it's had so many days, so many times that the Koran was revealed. It wasn't all at once. And there's a point to that, like as Muslims, as new Muslims, as converts, and you have to take one step at a time and take on as much as you can and be easy on yourself. And so one of the common mistakes again, is like being too hard on yourself. So I remember when I first became Muslim, I was like all of a sudden like, Well, there are so many like harampolice. I don't even know like what harammeant. And it was like all of a sudden I was facing these things that as like somebody who was on social media and I had switched to. Now being Muslim like obviously is a big identity shift of just wearing the hijab, which a lot of Muslims, like born Muslims, are still going through that process of wearing a hijab, especially in a western country, western area and America in the UK. But I had gone and I had, you know, like, eased into the hijab a little bit like started wearing it as like turban style and then from turban to like half down, half up. And then kind of like now the full basic hijab. And then of course, like there's more like the the burqa vibe and the niqab as well. And so like one of the things is just like, take it easy on yourself and not be so hard on yourself. And one of the things when it came to social media was that, like so many people would comment of like, Oh my gosh, like non-Muslims like, you don't look pretty now. We're like Muslims being like, OK, mate, like way to do this one like one hair strand is showing, you know, I was like, OK, I've got these two opposite spectrums, and I'm like, Where do I stand? And the one thing when it comes to being Muslim is like, you have to figure that out is where it is that you stand-in. So. That common mistake of being hard on yourself, like the best thing that I can say is like, just go easier, I had this advice given to me as a go easier on yourself. Enjoy life. Always ask for forgiveness and like, keep taking things one step at a time, one day at a time, and not all at once. And the second thing a common mistake is what we do is we expect other people to do everything normal as well. And so I remember having a Muslim in my life and I was like. Oh, I'm supposed to do this, but you're not doing that or like I'm supposed to, like, show up this way, but you're not doing that way, and it was like, Whoa, again, just like bro, stay in your lane. Like just focus on yourself in the thing when it comes to, like comparing yourself to other people, it's just like humans. We naturally compare anyways. Like, that's one of the issues when it comes to like social media, is that we're constantly comparing ourselves to other things. But we're meant to compare in a way that we compare ourselves to what others have less than ourselves. And that way we can show a lot more gratitude. And if you have become of some like the fact that you have imagined fact that you have faith, that's something that you must always appreciate. Because at the end of the day, like Allah is theonly one who guides like, we cannot change that at all. And so a lot is the one who guides. And it's so many stories in the Koran, like even the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. his uncle didn't come to Islam. He died not being a Muslim. And so we have to know, like the prophets of Islam, is the most loved by a lot like we know that. And his most beloved person, who was really supportive of him didn't become Muslim. He wasn't given iman Then we know, like again, the hands, that's all in his hands. And so for the fact that Allah has chosen you, Allah has picked you. Allah has said, like, OK, you are Muslim is such a beautiful thing that we could always show gratitude for. And so it's again less comparing for like what others have more than X. Except I know one thing when it comes to when it comes to like jealousy and things like you can't be jealous of people for so many things. But when it comes to like being jealous that somebody is more like pious, which I really like the people that you're seeing on social media, myself included. Is it something that you can aspire to have? And so that's always something so beautiful. But that's the second common mistake is like, we're way too hard on yourselves, and then we're comparing to others. And then and the third common mistake that we make as new Muslims when it comes to our identity is like wanting to know all the technicalities of all of the rules in terms of what we're allowed to do, what we're not allowed to do. So it's like, Oh my gosh, like, am I allowed to now travel by myself? Or am I allowed to like, eat this specific thing? Or am I allowed to like, wear this? Or how do I interact with these things? And again, one step at a time, just take one step at a time. And when I say this, I mean, like the very first thing that we must learn as being Muslim is how do we pray? Like, what's the proper way to pray in them? Sounding so London? I think proper think in America, we think, correct. So what is the correct way to pray? And so when it comes to actually understanding like the first things of our Fard are required rules is like learning. Learn how to pray, learn how to read on because the Quran is our answer for everything. And it took me, guys, I'm just saying it's like it took me so long. And that's one of the reasons why I hadn't put so much focus into this podcast because I was still going through all of these things myself. And now I want to live like so many people. It depends like everybody's on their journey for how quick they learn things or how much they don't. And like for me, it took me like four years to really actually learn Arabic like I'm Mexican, but I barely speak Spanish like or like, almost done. So basically solves all basic. And so for me now I'm like, Oh my gosh, I have to learn Arabic. I don't even learn my mother tongue like, what am I supposed to do? And learning Arabic of reading is like one thing I haven't learned how to like, understand the conversation. just as it like as that prayer like becomes a you become to memorize it like a will allow you to read. And I used to cry so much like I can't read and what am I supposed to do? And I'm Hamdallah like, there are so many beautiful teachers who are teaching and for free and it's grades and you want. Make sure that you get a good, solid, teacher to teach you how to read Quran with child read. But first, just learning how to read each letter like there's so much reward in it. The law will give you rewards for not wasting like Alif lam meem as one letter, but rather a list is one letter. Meme is one letter And so it's so beautiful. Like for each letter that you get to read this like 10 rewards, so many rewards. And so just being able to like, learn that it took me four years, guys, four years like I'm still learning, like I'm still going through the process, I'm still taking classes. And so when it comes to like focusing on technicalities, focusing on rules is like learning these things first. Like, learn the basic. Of making sure that you get to understand, like how to pray so that your prayers are on point in how to read Koran so that you're getting those rewards and that connection to Allah and really focusing on how do you like, how do you don't focus on like, Oh my gosh, is this person wearing the shoe on the right foot? Like, there's so many things I know when it comes to common mistakes, like focusing on these little technicalities before is is a big one. And the fourth common mistake that we make as new Muslims like in our identity is focusing on hot topics before anything. And so when it comes to like hot topics I'm talking about, like how do we interact with the LGBT community? How do we know and understand, like what is modest? How do we understand like these issues that are going on in the world? And those hot topics are something like you? If it's not 100 percent impacting you right now, like let it let it, if it doesn't concern you right now, just let it be, let alone take care of everything and you focus on you and focus on really thinking about. Getting that connection to a law in focus on like praying to a law for everything like our conversations with a lot can literally be conversation with the law, like in our head for anything in. We don't have to always ask, are just the big things? But of course, there are ways that we can ask for the big things and ask for the little things like a lovely like, let my car be warm in this winter day or a lovely is like, let me be able to fall asleep. Like, always, let me remember you a lot. Always let me love you a lot. Always let me get closer to you. I love this podcast. Be something that helps people is beneficial for people. Let people have community and support like a lot. Always like I put my hands in my life for you. Love you. Take care of everything. I'm just going to ride the wave and go with flow. The nonsense, like, there's so many things that you can make for where it's beautiful. So those are the common mistakes like that I see when it comes to like Muslims with their identity. And I went through it too. So a little bit again, just more of my story is like that. I went to London and said, Now, like, I wanted to find an American friend so much in London, I was like, Oh my gosh, what I'm looking for, like all the Americans, I'm trying these groups of like Americans in London, but I'm like, There is nobody here who in a job like, how am I supposed to relate to them? And then all of a sudden, like, now I'm an American. Like with this Bengali family and I'm like, Oh my gosh. Like, there's like, y'all are British and Bengali. Like I I don't know what language. So like, there was just so much like overwhelm of like, who am I into this place? And I had I did a TED talk that was not like it was related based off of identity, because when I became essentially, I grew into my life and did my own journey of things like Mexican moving into a white suburb of Wisconsin and then having to figure out that, like when I used to pronounce Mongo like a Mongol and I use them in front of them like, Oh my gosh, you have an accent, it's mango and it's like an exotic fruit. And then all of a sudden, when I became Muslim, it was like, Oh, your name is not Mary, it's medium. And I was like, No, my name is Marilyn. Like what? And there's so many different aspects to this. And when it comes to your identity, it's really important that you always ground yourself as being a Muslim, like being somebody who loves a lot and then taking one thing at a time when Muslims aren't perfect. Like, we're not meant to be perfect, but we're meant to always seek help from Allah. Always come back to Allah. And there's one story. That I had learned, and it was like she'd gone in, and Adam al-Islam Adam from the story of the first man had come down, essentially what happened was Adam really, some was created and all the angels were told to bow down to Adam, and Adam released them in peace, be upon him. And she gone like the shotgun he was. He's a jinn, by the way. That's the story for another time, but he was with the angels. Like praying, doing this thing, like trying to be holy. And all of a sudden, like Ellison's like bow down to Adam and all the angels. Because the angels are obedient Allah, they don't have free will, whereas genes and humans have free will. So the angels all bogged down at once. And and she thought it was like why I made a fire. He is made of clay. Like, You made me better than him. Like why? Why do I have to bow down? But all of a sudden, like, what is he doing? He is disobeying a law. He's disobeying the command of a law. And so the difference is that what happens like further on is like animals. Then he makes a mistake and he's thrown out of him. Adam and Shaytaanare both thrown out ofjannahand the difference is that he comes back to Allah, and he's like, No, a lot like, This is your fault. This is not me, this is you. Whereas Adam, he is saying, Allah I have wronged myself. Please forgive me. And so both of them had disobeyed a law. But the difference is that obviously that's a sin, and there's so much going on. But the difference is that one had left and had come back a blessing.Like, please, the knowing Allah is the most merciful love. Please let me stay alive until the day of judgment so that he can bring so many people with him into the hellfire. Whereas Adam says please, like I have wronged myself, forgive me and all those most merciful Allah forgave him. And so what? We are newMuslims like, we're of course, going to make so many mistakes. And I know for me, I came in this and like, There's this weird thing when you become Muslim, it's like this such a beautiful like, hi, you're like, so euphoric. And everyone's like, Oh my god, you're not Muslim. You're like a shiny baby. But then everybody disappears. Like, everybody goes away and you're like, OK, what's next? And of course, like, there's just so many things that we go through that's different. And that time and space like that gap that we have of of this isolation, I think is so beautiful because now looking back, it's so beautiful because you get to grow that relationship with Allah and that dependency on Allah, and you realize that everybody in your life will disappoint you like your mom and dad, your brother or sister, your friends, your family, your spouse, like every single human, will disappoint you some time in your life. Because we're humans, we're not perfect, but Allah will never disappoint. You will always have a plan for you. And so alhamdulillah, like when it comes to like that time, that gap period is like you go from euphoric to a gap and then all of a sudden like that gap is that time that you get to grow closer to love. But it's a it's a lonely, isolating process. And so you really have to focus on like, OK, who am I now? And as a Muslim, it's like, we're not perfect. We're taking one step at a time and we can always go to a love of forgiveness every single day. And so when it comes to like seeking repentance and seeking forgiveness like just due to her gods, like praying and just asking like, please forgive me so much. And that's some conversation that it's on its own, like repentance and such a beautiful topic. But when it comes to identity as a convert and it's important to identify first as being a Muslim is being somebody that has created a love has chosen you. Allah has given you such a great gift and to just show like sugar. And so there's always two states of a Muslim like only two states that we're ever in, and one is sugar, which is great gratefulness, gratitude and the other is sober, which most people will say like, Oh, that's patients like, just be patient, but it's patience and perseverance together. It means we're not just being patient and letting like letting everyone else figure this out, but we're being patient that we're we're just we're understanding like this is sober and we're being persevering of saying, OK, what do I have to do to get closer to like, what do I have to do to get through this test? How do I pass this test? What lessons do I learn during this test? And that's it, that's the two states that we have is sober and sugar. And then when we really identify with that is like, OK, I can be grateful today or I can take a lesson from this today in life become so much easier, so much easier. And it's really easy to get caught up in this like new tribe of again, like seeking people on social media like, Oh my gosh. And again, I'm telling, I'm telling you now, like social media is its own journey. And so I had gone again from being my my own identity story is like being this like traveling yogi influencer to like a new Muslim. And I'm going through all these things, and I had started this podcast. I wanted to start a company for Muslims, and I had made a YouTube channel that I like stopped it because I was like, OK, like, what am I supposed to do and try to be like this modest, fashionable like influencer? And guys, y'all, like, I am not a fashionable person at all, like I do not have, you know, wear the same clothes every day. Or just like, OK, is this not as good? But it was like, Just find my own place to like, OK, the only people that I had seen online at the time as Muslims were like, these fashion influencers and I was like, OK, this must be my next step, but I'm not. That's not me at all for my core of my essence and shout out to all those people who are great because like you give me tips that I'm like, Oh, cool, I didn't. I could do that. But like, it's really nice to just understand, like, you have to figure out what you are doing for you. And again, social media, it's like its own world of of things. So just like put that aside for a while, while you're freaking this out, figuring yourself out, figuring out like, where do you want to go with life and just give yourself that time, that space a grace period to say like, OK, nothing else matters besides, like my relationship with me, my relationship with the. That's it. First and foremost, that's it. And then and you can ask yourself this question like, am I doing something like if I'm in a situation like, what would I do that would be pleasing to lot in the best way? Like, the best place to do this is like learning more about the Sierra, which is the biography of the Prophet Muhammad. Peace be upon him. And there's so many lessons because Allah has tested the Prophet Mohammed so well. Islam, peace be upon it. Like the most of everyone, like we can always master any human being. He has been tested, and so one of the things is like again, when it comes to being easier on yourself and just ask for forgiveness, there's a story of the Prophet Muhammad, and it's his year of sorrow. And this is a few years into Islam already, and his wife, his first wife, Khadija, She had passed away and she was his biggest fan. She was the first person to come into Islam after the Prophet Muhammad. And as you heard his uncle the same year, who was giving him support in in terms of the community and the tribes, Arab tribes at this time were very differently than you see Western world. I'm just doing this briefly of a story, but it hurt. His uncle died as well. And so the two people that he loved so much just passed away in Conejo in Illinois and passed away and his uncle, Abu Talib, passed away as a non-Muslim. OK, so that's like its own, its own thing of like, Oh my gosh, like, what do you do now? Like what's happening to him? And these two passed away. Now he's in the tribe that he's in. The tribe in Mogadishu essentially are attacking him, attacking the Muslims like, no, no mercy on them at all. And he's going to the next town over to look to see for help, for protection and and when he's there, like in this time Arab culture, even they were so gracious for travelers and so they so like known for their hospitality. And so even in the basic sense of like, OK, we're Arabs like, let's like you would give a nice hospital, my hospitality, just because we're here, I'm coming over to your town to visit. Essentially, he goes over and he's asking for protection, calling them to Islam, and the leaders pretty much laugh in his face and they tell the whole townspeople to like. Not show any mercy, and the professionalism is leaving the town, and he's going to the people and the people started stoning him throwing rocks, so much to the point that he's bleeding through his shoes and he's still walking away from this town and he's coming out and he finally makes it out to a tree. And he's at this tree and the angel Gabriel. Excellent Angel Gabriel. He comes down and he says, you know, like, Allah has seen what's going on like, I'm bringing you the angel of the mountains and he is here to speak to you, the angel. The mountains sing like, you know, I can crush this town for you. I've seen what happened in LA has said, I can crush this town for you. You just say the word. And so he is now just gone through it like he has lost his two most loved people in his life. He's gone over to seek some asylum, seek safe space and pretty much kicked out with pain and torture. And his response is this he makes the most beautiful law, which you have to look it up because I can't see it all here. He makes the most beautiful door for the people, and he says, You know what? Essentially, he's saying he's praying to love forgiveness for him, which is like, what did he like? How do you do anything wrong? No, he's praying for a lot, for forgiveness for himself. And he's saying, like Allah, I'm so sorry that first forgive me and he's saying, like, don't do anything to this town because maybe one day from their progeny, people will become Muslim. And this town now, like, has the most Muslims like so like less grand blah that these people become Muslims that, you know, like most of the time, we're living this life that we're thinking like, Oh my gosh, something bad happened to me. Like, I'm coming back with, like all this, all this heat and storm. But look at the way that the prophets of Islam like Prophet Muhammad had handled. This was with so much like Grace, like he's against in his lane. Like, asked a love Forgive me, forgive me first for my own actions, and please allow them to become Muslims to guide them to being Muslim to and. Like that just shows so much in life, so when it comes to figuring out like, how do we act and Muslims, like, what is this things like, don't look at other Muslims, don't look at me like, don't look at the people that you seen on YouTube. Like, don't look at the social media influencers like look to the zero look to the best solution, like look to the Koran, like look to what has given us some examples. And so like Allah has given us, the Quran is like our handbook and has given us Prophet Muhammad as our tour guide. Essentially, like how do we use this handbook? Like, how do we go through and navigate our lives? And so Allah has given us the tools. We just have to go through them. And I promise you like the more effort that you put into it, like lot is going to come back with so much more. Like we rent a lot lower Lawrence back to us. Like we take one step to Lolo runs to us and so now is just so beautiful. And so like again, I was going through all of these things with my own identity of like, OK, who am I in this new city? And this new relationship, like in this new religion, like what am I supposed to do? And I went through again all these things on social media. I went through all these things with just figuring out who I am like as myself, and the best thing that I can say is like, go through yourself with like knowing one that just identify being a Muslim that you are a believer of love. Like you believe in this religion and you taking one thing at a time. And there's so much out there. And I want to say, like, you know, we as converts, as we go through so much loss as our with ourselves as well, like we lose one identity is huge. I pray a lot always just keeps you firm in your religion and firm in your identity as a Muslim and. And the other thing is like, of course, we lose like our relationships and like these connections with our family or friends, like there are certain things that we don't relate anymore. And and it's like, OK, how do I process this? How to cope with this? Like what is going on? And so just take things one step at a time and so focus on you as your relationship with a love focus on learning Koran. Focus on learning how to pray. Focus on like learning the seerah. That's the best thing they can say when it comes to this topic, and our identity as being Muslim is pure. Islam is so pure Muslims. We make mistakes and Islam is so pure. Allah has given us something true and beautiful, like something so much so like in the in our guidebook, how to go to the bathroom. Like it's very detailed, very focused and everything, every. There's a solution for every single thing on how we live this life. We have new purpose and our new purpose is like, what do we want? And we're not just focusing on like our investment in this world, we're focusing on the best investment. Like how we prepare for the afterlife. How do we prepare for the bigger things for our next hour hereafter? And so inshallah, I hope this God willing, I hope this was something that was beneficial and useful for you. I had started the Instagram page, becoming a Muslim podcast because my personal page is private. It's pretty much like dead. So now I just want to keep that one like by itself. And so if you've been following me there, please go to that. Coming with some podcasts, it's open again. It's not focused on me at all. I want it to be focused on giving you the best resources that I can. And a lot of you know, like my my, I have my own business life of like wealthy women, which is its own conversation. This this podcast is for us as Muslims like me or my brothers and sisters in Islam. And so there's any way that I can help you, any way that you. I mean, I'm I'm always in need of support of friends as well. I'm like, Let me just meet other Muslims like I just want to connect like, honestly reach out to me. I just want to have a conversation with you. Fifteen minute coffee, zoom like tea, tea, chat, coffee talk. And yeah, I'm also looking for like that connection and that companionship and just people and humans like that. I can speak to a lot about and learn about that. So I'm here with you. I'm learning with you. I don't want this ever to be about me. I want this to be about Islam becoming Muslim like things I'm going through. And so, yeah, please go to the Becoming Muslim podcast Instagram page to connect. And if you are enjoying this podcast, like make sure you give it a go or whatever it is that you want to do a comment of how you'd like this to be improved. And thank you so much for listening. JazakAllah Khar, Asalam Alaikum