There are times when your mind just won't stop racing. This week, Lisa and Brad explore this unpleasant experience and describe techniques you can use to alleviate your distress.
Ever wake up at the bewitching hour of 4 or 5 in the morning with your mind spiraling out of control? Fear not, we've been there too, and it's not as scary as it seems. This episode is all about our personal struggle with these racing thoughts, a phenomenon possibly tied to biarrhythms, and how we've learned to manage it. We go in-depth about how our brains are wired to seek out fear and how, armed with this knowledge, we can step in and prevent our mind from spiraling into panic.
By sharing our personal experiences, we take you through the mindfulness techniques that have been a game changer for us. Focusing on positive words, employing affirmations, and putting a halt to negative thoughts are some of the strategies we talk about. We also delve into the importance of consistency in practice for successfully managing racing thoughts. We guide you on how to choose the right mindfulness tool and commit to a regular practice, reminding you that it doesn't have to be perfect right away. Stick with us as we tackle these seemingly insurmountable spirals and teach you how to wrestle back control from your racing thoughts.
There are times when your mind just won't stop racing. This week, Lisa and Brad explore this unpleasant experience and describe techniques you can use to alleviate your distress.
Ever wake up at the bewitching hour of 4 or 5 in the morning with your mind spiraling out of control? Fear not, we've been there too, and it's not as scary as it seems. This episode is all about our personal struggle with these racing thoughts, a phenomenon possibly tied to biarrhythms, and how we've learned to manage it. We go in-depth about how our brains are wired to seek out fear and how, armed with this knowledge, we can step in and prevent our mind from spiraling into panic.
By sharing our personal experiences, we take you through the mindfulness techniques that have been a game changer for us. Focusing on positive words, employing affirmations, and putting a halt to negative thoughts are some of the strategies we talk about. We also delve into the importance of consistency in practice for successfully managing racing thoughts. We guide you on how to choose the right mindfulness tool and commit to a regular practice, reminding you that it doesn't have to be perfect right away. Stick with us as we tackle these seemingly insurmountable spirals and teach you how to wrestle back control from your racing thoughts.
Hello and welcome to Just One Thing. I'm Brad Stearns, here with Lisa Stearns, and we're your hosts on this weekly exploration of simple ways to enhance your relationships, improve your health, manage your stress and just be happier. Now settle in while we discuss Just One Thing. Good day and welcome to the next episode of.
Speaker 2:
Just One Thing.
Speaker 1:
Just One Thing is the podcast of MindfulLivingtoday. You can find us on Facebook at the Mindful Couple. We have a great Facebook group, mindful Living Today, with Lisa and Brad. We're on Instagram and we're happy that you can join us this afternoon, morning, evening, whenever you happen to be listening to us. This morning I'm going to talk about something that's been bothering me and I've been working on trying to get better at it over the last few weeks, and the title is my Mind Won't Stop Racing, and sometimes it's like racing and going over thoughts that have like no relevance to what I'm even doing or what I'm experiencing in my life, but I just can't stop it from going, going, going and making me emotionally uncomfortable. So today I just wanted to talk a little bit about your experiences with that, my recent experiences with that, if there's anything that you can do to make it better.
Speaker 1:
So with that, let me just talk a little bit about what I've experienced over the last, I guess, week or so, and I don't know if it was precipitated by traveling to Ohio, because I don't typically like to travel, or maybe it's just the change of season, or it could be nothing, just whatever you know you go through a sort of we used to call it biarrhythms in the 70s, where your body just goes through rhythms that last, you know, 10 weeks, 6 weeks, 4 weeks, and when your body happens to hit a certain low point, high point, whatever you want to call it, you know you just have, you know, more emotions. You are more alert, you're more anxious or, contrary, you're more depressed, you're more down, whatever, and you just go through these rhythms over the course of the year and it could be something like that. But I know, for me, when my mind starts racing and I can't stop it, typically it's at 4, 5 in the morning.
Speaker 1:
I typically wake up and my brain is just looking for something to be scared about and whenever I seize upon a thought that's what it worries about, that's what it does crazy, and then it's then. Then my mind starts racing and making things worse and worse and worse. It tends to catastrophize, makes any little thing that I think about get worse and worse in my head, and then I can't stop my mind from going down this or spiraling down this drain of just doom and it's a doom loop. I can't, I can't get it stopped and I can't bring it back Right. Do you experience that kind?
Speaker 2:
of thing, oh gosh, yes. And for me, I think I tend to focus on either relationships, you know, things that I did in the past or places where I feel like I failed, and once I pick one, then my mind can find other ones.
Speaker 2:
Yes, my, mind goes on a scavenger hunt of all the other episodes where I did not live up to my expectations or let somebody down or was not as kind as I would like to be. So, yeah, and that's like you say, it's so arbitrary, it's so it's not connected frequently to anything, it just happens to come up.
Speaker 1:
And, I know, particularly at night for me. I know this is something and we've talked about this in the past, but it's something that I think the human brain has evolved right to keep us safe.
Speaker 2:
Right, and so it's.
Speaker 1:
and so all of this, all of your sensory information is coming to your brain and says oh, is that something to be afraid of, is that something to fight? Is that something to run away with?
Speaker 1:
I know, particularly at night, when you're waking up, you know, imagine you're like you know primitive, you know laying in the woods and any little crack of a stick or any little change in the in the flow of the animal noises is going to be like, oh, something is out there. So your brain is just looking for something to be afraid of, and if it can't find something, it will create something Right. And in your case, I think what's interesting is you know we've also evolved to want strong social connections, because that was a matter of survival, you know, for most of our history. And so if there's any little thing that's wrong in your relationships or anything that you think you might have done, your brain is looking for those things to correct them, because you want strong connections with your family, the people around you. So that's a really your brain perceives that as a real threat to your survival.
Speaker 2:
Very definitely.
Speaker 1:
So that's pretty awful, and it's not something I know that we can get away from, because it's something that we have evolved and our brain keeps us safe. Our brain does that automatically, but you know, can I interject? Absolutely.
Speaker 2:
To me. That's the thing, just as I said, that is, this is something that our brain automatically does. It is a safety mechanism. What we need to understand is we don't have to allow our brain to go down that and just live in that place of fear or catastrophizing or, you know, negativity. So when we get in that place where we feel that our thoughts are going somewhere, we actually do have the ability and the option to chime in.
Speaker 1:
So let's talk about that option a little bit. If I could just paraphrase or sort of reiterate what I thought you said is basically you can't really stop it Right, because your brain is just built like that your brain is doing that, it's going to find things, it's going to look for things.
Speaker 1:
But then you said you can sort of you have the choice of how deep you want to go down that spiral. So talk to me a little bit about what you do or what you have done or what other people, what the listeners can do to sort of stop that from just going on and on and just being more and more uncomfortable with what's going on in your mind.
Speaker 2:
Right? Well, like I said, I think we believe most people believe that once our brain starts thinking something, that's it Like we have to think, we have to think that we have to think that we're on that boat.
Speaker 2:
We have to think it, we have to believe it, whatever. And the important thing to me is, as soon as you recognize that oh, wait a minute, I'm for you, I'm catastrophizing something that is how dirty are the pom-poms? Right, it's nothing to do with anything, right, and for me it's a relationship thing or whatever as soon as you recognize oh, wait a minute, that's my thing, that's my thing that my brain goes down this place, the first thing is to recognize it and, like any mindfulness activity, it's to stop and say oh wait a minute, I have a choice. I don't have to allow this thing to just run wild.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I think the first thing is, like you said, is a lot of times I don't even know I'm doing it Right the first thing to say is to have the ability to step back and say oh, wait a minute. My brain's doing that five in the morning thing again.
Speaker 2:
Right.
Speaker 1:
Okay, no-transcript, let me think about it. No, those aren't real fears, right? But how can I stop this from just sort of capturing my whole being at the moment?
Speaker 2:
And so I think you know when that happens. I know what I do. I don't know what you do, but I rely on my mindfulness activity. So I rely on affirmations and one of the reasons things I wanted to comment about affirmations is the important thing about doing an affirmation, which affirmations are only in the positive, so they should not have a not Like a don't. They don't have a don't Right. So telling yourself not to think about something, it doesn't work.
Speaker 1:
I'm sure you're familiar. There's a famous psychology experiment where you say I can control my mind. Then the psychologist says well, don't think about a white bear Right. Well, now they say don't think about something you can't help but think about it Exactly. Because even when you're drifting away like you think oh. I stopped thinking about the white bear Exactly.
Speaker 2:
So the first thing is to employ positive words in the form of either an affirmation or just a positive phrase that says you know what? I'm safe right now. I have loving relationships right now.
Speaker 1:
Okay, and it's nothing more than just saying what you said.
Speaker 2:
Right. It's nothing more than a simple sentence that just reminds you over and over and over again Life is good. Like I've got this covered. Whatever I'm prepared, whatever your fear trigger is, and then you can use any of the mindfulness practices that we have talked about. So it can be for people that are just starting out. I recommend put your hand on your deep belly and just direct your breath down to your belly.
Speaker 1:
Just feel your belly go up and down, feel your belly expand and contract. And if it doesn't sort of concentrate on maybe changing the way you're breathing so that the belly does go out, Right. Can you more naturally and?
Speaker 2:
softly. These are not really contrived breaths. It should be a somewhat natural breath. But just thinking about where is my breath going, and just the act of thinking about your breath is enough to stop that.
Speaker 1:
Takes your mind to another place To another place, so it's not going with the others, and then we'll go back to your race and you go, okay.
Speaker 2:
Back to the breath, back to the breath Right.
Speaker 1:
Well, and that has been what I have found most valuable for me at the five o'clock in the morning kind of thing, for whatever reason, I can't stop it, even trying to meditate or use other mindfulness tools. When I'm laying down, I have to get myself out of bed, change the environment. I go sit in a chair, the couch, and now I use mindfulness technique, whether it's focusing on my breath, it's repeating a mantra or affirmation, and I have to do that for a good 10 to 15 minutes because my mind is going to continue to do the racing thing Right.
Speaker 1:
I have to keep saying, okay, no, back to the breath. Well, good, right now Back to the breath. And then all of a sudden I'll have like, right, I'll call it a deeper, more relaxing breath, right? Unless we're like, oh, and to me that's the signal my body has learned Okay, that's fine, I'm over the curve, now I can sort of relax a little more. And then by the time I've finished, I can usually go back to bed, and usually it doesn't take more than 10 to 15 minutes. But I have to get out of bed, I have to do it, right. It's going to be a little bit of a struggle at first, but then I find I get to that place and like, okay, my brain has relaxed, I can get back to bed, I can think about something pleasant, as I'm sort of drifting back into sleep and I can get back to sleep. But if I try to fight it, if I try to outthink it, it's not going to work.
Speaker 2:
Another thing you can do if you are let's just say you're in the middle of a meeting so you can't get, you can't close your eyes and think about your breath. You can still think about your breath and you can do that with your eyes open and look like you're still paying attention. But something else you can do is a tactile awareness, so you know you can use your fingers on your pants, on the chair, on anything that has any kind of texture, and just focus on what exactly am I feeling and where am I feeling it. Which finger is coming in contact?
Speaker 1:
with it and that's sort of an anchor. It's a tactile anchor Right. Come back to it. Oh, my brain is going crazy.
Speaker 2:
Are you going crazy? And back to my fingers. What are my fingers feeling?
Speaker 1:
And I know you've recommended to folks to even carry a little piece of Velcro.
Speaker 2:
Rough fabric, velcro, something like that.
Speaker 1:
If you find this is a common pattern for you, definitely put a piece of Velcro in your pocket, or something like that Likewise, I know during the day it's not as common for me to have a racing mind, but when I do, one of the things that I found most valuable is to have I'll put it in the broad terms of a moving meditation. Okay, where my body says do something. You know move. And so if I take a walk, I don't put music on anything, I just feel myself walking.
Speaker 1:
I'll use the breeze on my face, I'll focus on the sound of the birds and the wind. It's anything to take me into the moment. Focus on those sensations. It takes me away from what's going on in my head Exactly. It takes me a good mile for those things to cause those racing brain feelings to sort of go away, but usually I would say usually 90% of the time that's sufficient for me to get back into like, okay, I'm good now.
Speaker 2:
And then when? I get back, I'm like what was my brain doing? Why was I even worried about that? What's your brain does at it?
Speaker 1:
Hijacks you, it wants to protect you. It's like, oh look out.
Speaker 2:
Something horrible is happening, right, exactly, yeah, and I think it's. I appreciate that you keep mentioning. You know I have to welcome a mile. I have to do this for 15 minutes. This is not something that you do for a second.
Speaker 1:
You can't just flick it off, right?
Speaker 2:
This is not something. Well, I'm going to take two breaths and my head's not going to stop and my head's going to think it's not. You're going to have to take the time to actually do this, and what I would like to talk about is what is the difference in? Why would someone, for example, say, well, I'm just going to watch TV, versus engaging in one of these mindfulness activities? Why would you choose a mindfulness activity?
Speaker 1:
What's with me and what I've learned is the watching TV is passive and you're really. You know it's taken attention but it's not really. You're not really focused, you're not using your mind power to really do anything. And then those thoughts while you're watching the TV show. They can come up, they're hanging back there and something on the TV show can actually trigger you back to those thoughts. And so that you immediately go back to those things. And likewise, you know, I am a strong believer in the value of practice.
Speaker 1:
Right, that's what I was going to say and the walking and the focusing on the walking and the sounds you hear while you're walking or sitting on the couch in the middle of the night and the breathing and the focusing on the breath. That's not something that comes easily or automatically. So you know you have to have practice and practice and practice, so that does have the desired effect.
Speaker 2:
Right.
Speaker 1:
Passively watching TV is not going to be a consistent way to stop that racing mind, and that's never going to give you, then, the tools that you need to be able to do this in different situations.
Speaker 2:
Right, Well, and what I was going to say was you know, the more you do this, your brain then becomes habituated, so that when you need to rely on that to change your thinking, your brain goes oh, I know what you're doing. Now You're taking me to this calm place where I can think of my breathing and I don't have to be engaged in what my mind is thinking.
Speaker 2:
And so your brain actually learns oh, this is what she wants me to do or he wants me to do. Okay, I'll do this now instead. Sure, where I think, if you just watch TV, then your brain, your brain, you're not teaching your brain an alternate path in those moments when you're feeling that repetitive thought, and while we just have a few minutes left, I wanted to talk about something.
Speaker 1:
I'll just call it a trap. Okay that some people fall into when their mind races, because the techniques that we have talked about. They're somewhat difficult, they can require practice, but eventually they're going to be very, very positive.
Speaker 2:
They're going to be good for your health. They have long-term benefits.
Speaker 1:
They have long-term benefits going to really help you. So many people, because they don't know these tools, they're unwilling to practice, they'll fall into the trap of alcohol use or drug use, because alcohol and drugs do take away that racing mind but it's not really doing something in a positive way to help you deal with what's going on in your head.
Speaker 2:
I would even say like putting headphones like headphones with music or video games is the same fault into the categories as alcohol. It's really a distraction.
Speaker 1:
It's temporarily turning things off. It doesn't allow you the control that I think you're striving for, to say oh, my brain's going crazy, oh, what do I do about?
Speaker 2:
that I'd rather not have these thoughts right now.
Speaker 1:
Let's do it in a healthy way, in a way that I can use, you know, basically for the rest of my life, right, right, so with that, do you have anything more to add, if you?
Speaker 2:
What's the one thing let's see?
Speaker 1:
I would. To me, it's always first recognized.
Speaker 2:
Recognize. Yeah, you know this is happening.
Speaker 1:
Oh, my mind is racing, I can't stop it. Right. And now you can pick a mindfulness tool to say that's best for you in the given circumstances, time and day to see. Okay, let me try this, let's work at it. It might not work great right now, but the more you do it, the better it's going to be.
Speaker 2:
Okay, so since that's your one thing, my one thing is going to be practice. Just you know, decide that you're going to do this every time your mind races for, let's say, two months or three weeks or two days or something you know. Give yourself a thing, a time period that you're going to repeatedly practice this as your option when you notice you have these thoughts.
Speaker 1:
Great, great, great. All right, so my mind is racing and it won't stop, but until next time, this has been Just One Thing.
