Recent studies have shown that increased generosity leads to increased happiness. This week, Lisa and Brad discuss how to go about being a bit more generous and explore things to watch out for, when doing so.
Discover the unexpected joy found in the simple act of giving, as we unravel the heartwarming connection between generosity and personal happiness. Have you ever felt a surge of warmth after offering a stranger your place in line, or experienced the profound fulfillment that comes from helping someone in need? This episode, brimming with touching anecdotes and insights, invites you into a world where small gestures lead to great rewards, and where the 'glow of giving' illuminates the path to a more contented life. From a fascinating Harvard study to our own life lessons, we're sharing how to find that sweet spot of generosity that doesn't just enrich the lives of recipients, but deeply enhances our own sense of well-being and community.
As we peel back the layers of what it really means to be generous, we examine not just the how, but the why, of giving. It's a delicate dance between fulfilling our own happiness and maintaining social sensitivity, ensuring that our gestures of kindness never leave others feeling uncomfortable or obligated. Delving into the evolutionary psychology that explains why we're wired to find joy in generosity, we also provide practical advice for integrating these acts into your daily routine. Whether it's through sharing your time, your expertise, or a simple smile, we guide you through understanding your unique ability to contribute and the profound impact it can have on both your life and the lives of others. Tune in for an inspiring discussion that might just shift your perspective on what it means to give, and the happiness that follows.
Recent studies have shown that increased generosity leads to increased happiness. This week, Lisa and Brad discuss how to go about being a bit more generous and explore things to watch out for, when doing so.
Discover the unexpected joy found in the simple act of giving, as we unravel the heartwarming connection between generosity and personal happiness. Have you ever felt a surge of warmth after offering a stranger your place in line, or experienced the profound fulfillment that comes from helping someone in need? This episode, brimming with touching anecdotes and insights, invites you into a world where small gestures lead to great rewards, and where the 'glow of giving' illuminates the path to a more contented life. From a fascinating Harvard study to our own life lessons, we're sharing how to find that sweet spot of generosity that doesn't just enrich the lives of recipients, but deeply enhances our own sense of well-being and community.
As we peel back the layers of what it really means to be generous, we examine not just the how, but the why, of giving. It's a delicate dance between fulfilling our own happiness and maintaining social sensitivity, ensuring that our gestures of kindness never leave others feeling uncomfortable or obligated. Delving into the evolutionary psychology that explains why we're wired to find joy in generosity, we also provide practical advice for integrating these acts into your daily routine. Whether it's through sharing your time, your expertise, or a simple smile, we guide you through understanding your unique ability to contribute and the profound impact it can have on both your life and the lives of others. Tune in for an inspiring discussion that might just shift your perspective on what it means to give, and the happiness that follows.
Hello and welcome to Just One Thing. I'm Brad Stearns, here with Lisa Stearns, and we're your hosts on this weekly exploration of simple ways to enhance your relationships, improve your health, manage your stress and just be happier. Now settle in while we discuss Just One Thing improve your health, manage your stress and just be happier.
Speaker 2:
Now settle in while we discuss, just One Thing Good day.
Speaker 1:
And welcome to the next episode of.
Speaker 2:
Just One Thing.
Speaker 1:
Just One Thing is the podcast of MindfulLivingtoday. You can find us on Facebook at the mindful couple and we have a great Facebook group, mindful living today, with Lisa and Brad. Today we are going to talk about I'm glad- you're always so happy to say our names just trying to be a little upbeat, don't be talking like Eeyore, which is my normal tone of voice.
Speaker 1:
Today our podcast is going to be entitled To Be Happier, be More Generous, and the reason I wanted to talk about that is an article about. A little study caught my attention today and basically we talked about exactly that. Right, I think part of it came out of a long longitudinal study with Harvard grads it's probably one of the longest studies about happiness and well-being ever done and it just talked about. You know, the happiest people tend to be those who are the most generous people and I wanted to sort of reflect that and sort of reinforce that with some of my own experiences.
Speaker 1:
I have really practiced to be more generous because, I don't know that I was naturally a generous person, you know, as I was growing up, but I know you know my experience and the example that you set has made me much more generous, and so I don't know if you want me to just sort of keep yakking here. Do you want to sort of reflect on generosity and happiness?
Speaker 2:
Well, I think that also came up in the happiness course that we took through, it did. Through? Who was that? Through Cornell no.
Speaker 1:
Yale, it was Yale, yale study.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and that came up. It was one of the key elements that we were assigned to be generous, to be giving, to find somewhere to offer help, assistance, whatever, yeah.
Speaker 1:
What really struck me in the article I read was they called it the glow of giving Okay.
Speaker 2:
I like that.
Speaker 1:
Because one of the things they were doing is they were looking at spending money to provide a gift to somebody. Okay, and what they found was compared to people who buy something for themselves Right, compared to people who buy something to give to somebody else and it's somebody that they love or care for.
Speaker 1:
The afterglow and the good feeling and the I'll almost call it euphoria that you get from giving to somebody, else is significantly higher and much longer lasting than if you buy something for yourself, and it's almost like I just call it enlightened self-interest the more you give, the happier you are so even though you're giving all of your stuff away. It's really making you happier, so it's really a win-win.
Speaker 2:
Well, and I think especially with COVID, I think it became very easy for even those who are natural givers to become very insulated and kind of hold back or become more isolated and less.
Speaker 1:
Absolutely. And then on top of that, I think of all the polarized politics we have now. Right, I think it makes people less kind, less generous.
Speaker 2:
It's harder.
Speaker 1:
You're sort of watching out for yourself more. I think you tend to forget generosity is going to make me happier in an enlightened, self-interest way, and when I talk about generosity, I'm not just talking about spending money or buying gifts for somebody. You know it's taking time to do something, it's giving of attention.
Speaker 2:
Yes.
Speaker 1:
Well, it can be small acts of kindness.
Speaker 2:
Oh, absolutely, you know we're not talking about you know thousands of dollars or you know big undertakings of time. It can be those little things that happen just during the regular. I love when there's a service person behind me in line because unless they're doing their weekly shopping which is you know $500, I love picking up the tab. I love you know if they're buying four things or five things. I know one time we did that to a group of service people that was sitting at lunch.
Speaker 2:
We treated, you know, we bought the lunch for them and I think those are little things that, like I say, it doesn't have to be.
Speaker 1:
Well, yeah, I know some people just don't have the financial wherewithal to do that kind of thing. But you can. You know the generosity of action, the generosity of time, just a small action to you know, let somebody else go through the door. Many times generosity is part and parcel to kindness. Yes, and we all know. We've talked a lot about how kindness makes you happy.
Speaker 2:
Right.
Speaker 1:
But the generosity and giving of your time, giving of an action, giving up a place in line or a space actually comes back to you. You know multifold.
Speaker 2:
Right.
Speaker 1:
You know it's, it's something that well I had an interesting experience.
Speaker 2:
So, um, I was at a stretch place and, um, somebody I was there at my appointment. Let's say it was 11 o'clock in the morning and somebody else showed up and she's like I'm here for my appointment and they said I'm sorry, you're scheduled for tomorrow, you're going to have to come back, and I had nothing to do that day. We lived three minutes away.
Speaker 2:
I'm like it makes no difference to me to come back today or tomorrow, Right, and I don't know where she was coming from, but she came in kind of like she was harried and had a busy day and I'm like, look, just give her my spot and I'll come back tomorrow. And here's where it becomes, and I didn't do it wanting anything back.
Speaker 1:
Well, I'm going to talk about that in just a second.
Speaker 2:
Right, I just did it, just because it didn't bother me at all and I knew she had driven For me. I could have walked there, but the place called me and were going to give me a free double session because I had done that. I didn't take the double session. The single session that I paid for was fine, but whether you're getting something back or not, I think it creates a good feeling atmosphere Right when you do something like that. It is a pay it forward kind of a thing as well.
Speaker 1:
Very definitely, and I think it was important that you said that, because you know this, when I talk about this generosity, it really can't be done. It can't be attached. With with any expectation of even a thanks Right or any kind of reciprocation.
Speaker 2:
You just do it to give Because you're doing it To give, to give, to give the end.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, like you don't like, even if I hold the door over somebody, even if somebody doesn't say thank you, I shouldn't like, I don't want to get missed, getting pissed off right. I just like hold it because it makes me feel good to do something nice for you, right, right, and to give, and that's, I think that's you know, if anything, I think a lot of people are not in the practice of doing that.
Speaker 1:
Or even aware that it can have an impact, and I think this generosity is something that you need to practice, and I think for a lot of people there is an expectation when they do something nice, whether it's giving monetarily. It's giving of time, it's giving of a place or an appointment or whatever Right. They're expecting reciprocity, and if that doesn't happen, then they're expecting reciprocity.
Speaker 1:
And if that doesn't happen, then they're miffed, then they lose that glow of giving that's part of what we're talking about, that happiness that's long-lasting, that's irrelevant to the reaction of the people that you're giving to Right.
Speaker 2:
Well, I think mentioning that makes me think you know it's also really important to look at if you think you're going to give. Look at your motivation first. If you think you're going to give. Look at your motivation first, you know, because I think a lot of people their identity is tied to I'm a kind person or they were taught to be kind all the time and I think that can be very wearing because it doesn't respect you and your time.
Speaker 2:
And no one's going to you know if you're doing something extra. All the time, I guarantee nobody's going to notice. Nobody's going to notice. So you have to step back and say, okay, you know why am I doing this kind thing? Am I doing this kind thing because I'm expecting to get acknowledgement, which fuels another part of my being, my ego, that I get known as a kind person? Or am I being kind just for the sake of being kind? Am I being generous just for the sake of being generous?
Speaker 1:
And I think you know if you are the latter type or the type of person who you know was raised that way and there's an expectation, you're kind of a prisoner. Oh man To being generous, you may not be sensitive to the natural reward that your brain is going to give you from being generous, and because you're not getting any appreciation and you're expecting it, and so that all that generosity is sort of reversed itself and it's punishing you instead of rewarding you.
Speaker 1:
And I think you know, if you're not used to just sort of being a naturally giving person, you have to pay attention to sort of that little spark that you might feel that glow of giving. I'll call it, you know, when it first happens, because it takes some practice.
Speaker 2:
It's that pause again. We talk about the pause all the time. You may not feel that right away, right?
Speaker 1:
But you know and I go back to sort of because I'm a big proponent of evolutionary psychology in terms of what societies exist and what societies have become extinct and it's people who were generous and giving created societies that were coherent and could cooperate and they actually out-competed societies that were not like that, and so most of our societies have evolved to favor people who are generous, kind, those kinds of things.
Speaker 1:
Granted, there are people who take advantage of that Right, but most of us have an evolutionary history that we do have a chemical brain generated reward for being cooperative, kind, generous, which is what we're talking about here and you should take advantage of that little brain reward that's going to be generated when you do something that is generous.
Speaker 2:
Yes, and you're going to have to pause Once the act is done. You may need to pause and do a body scan, you know, check in and say, okay, what am I feeling right now? You know, is there a little tingle? Yes, do I have a tingle?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and I just do want to pause that. You know, I think the glow of giving is something that's available to the vast majority of people.
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:
You know, there are a few people who have been so trained that they are in reality functioning sociopaths. Right, right and they may simply not be able to get that glow of giving that I'm talking about. That facilitates long-term sense of life satisfaction, a long-term sense of happiness.
Speaker 1:
Right a long-term sense of happiness and so you know, but I think even those people who aren't sort of like genetic sociopaths, they can relearn and to be able to get that kind of a reward that you get for being generous, and because the goal here is to just sort of increase the level of the consistency, of the depth of the happiness that you experience in life Right right.
Speaker 1:
Because if anybody, if you ask anybody, what do you want for your children? What do you want for the people you love? What do you want for yourself?
Speaker 2:
Everybody says I want to be happy, happiness, right. Well, that's a feeling, right that there?
Speaker 1:
are things that you can do to have more of it.
Speaker 2:
Right and generally to veer off topic just slightly, as we have discussed in past and probably something we ought to revisit, but most of the things that make us happy are not the tangible things.
Speaker 1:
Well, it's not more money, it's not more stuff, it's not a better job, it's not a bigger house, it's those little things, those actions that we do, that are… that are available to pretty much everybody at any time, unless you're, like in the midst of a war zone or you're literally starving to death or you're in your last legs at the hospital or something Right right. Always exceptions Right, but for most yes.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
And the only caveat I wanted to put on this is I think it requires a little. I'll just call it social awareness, okay, depending on what you want to give to somebody, because some people simply don't want to be given to in certain instances because it's insulting or something like I don't want your charity, so to speak, or don't do this for me.
Speaker 1:
I wanted to do it myself. So you need to be aware of what other people are all about in their life, what they're trying to accomplish, and make sure that you're not giving something to them in such a way that it detracts from what they're trying to achieve in their life, and I think that just requires some awareness. I know some people just continually throw gifts at their family, friends, relatives.
Speaker 2:
I don't want to. It's too much stuff.
Speaker 1:
Sometimes it's too much stuff. Too much stuff, too much giving. I feel guilty. Right, it's uncomfortable. Well, I know one of our sons is that way.
Speaker 2:
One of our sons. He's very, very independent and you know he doesn't want help of a traditional kind because it makes him feel less than he wants to figure it out on his own.
Speaker 1:
And there's a reward to him for that.
Speaker 2:
Right, so we have to be very mindful of okay. How do we?
Speaker 1:
navigate it, because you don't want to get your happiness at the expense of somebody else's. That's not good.
Speaker 2:
Right Damn it be happy.
Speaker 1:
I'm giving you something. Well.
Speaker 2:
I know somebody else, We've had that experience. That's really. That's a difficult one to navigate.
Speaker 1:
Well, yeah, because they're not necessarily giving you something because of the glow of giving Right, they do have a reciprocity.
Speaker 2:
They're very definitely.
Speaker 1:
And that creates just whole chain of obligation. Yes, that's like the opposite of making you happier.
Speaker 2:
Right, yep, yep, so All right.
Speaker 1:
So I don't know if we want to explore this anymore, any deeper I don't know if we want to explore this anymore, any deeper.
Speaker 2:
I don't know if there's much more. You know much more to say about it.
Speaker 1:
It's pretty much straightforward. I think it comes from evolutionary psychology. It's something that's built into your brain in terms of a reward system when you are generous with time, with money, with behavior, etc. Thoughts that does make you happier long term. I think it is something that requires a little practice to get good at.
Speaker 2:
That does make you happier long-term.
Speaker 1:
I think it is something that requires a little practice to get good at. Very definitely so, in the sort of the overall theme of just one thing if this isn't natural to somebody, how would you?
Speaker 2:
suggest they get started. Oh boy, that's a good question To me.
Speaker 1:
it's just like as simple as like I just read this article. It's just the awareness of wow, if I give and I pay attention to it, I'm going to get a big reward in terms of my own internal sense of happiness and life satisfaction.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I think the first thing is identifying possibly how you feel about giving what you define as giving and generous and then figuring out where is your sweet spot. So you know, there are people that giving money is very easy for them, Right? There's other people that giving so that's not your thing.
Speaker 1:
No, you know, your thing is not giving money, some people's time Right, and I know you know, in certain situations to me what I give is I give people it's requested, I don't just lifetime accumulating Right, and that it is a benefit and saves other people time and effort.
Speaker 2:
Right, yep, yeah. So I think it's just you know, start at where you are and understand where you're starting from.
Speaker 1:
And so the theme is to be happier, be more generous.
Speaker 2:
Be more generous.
Speaker 1:
And so until next time, this has been Just One Thing.
