Season 3, Episode 26, Part 2 : Kristen & James Zoul "Our Engagement, Wedding, and Making Marriage Work"

What happens when love transcends boundaries and societal expectations? Meet Kristen and James Zoll, a married couple with Down syndrome, whose remarkable relationship is nothing short of inspirational. In this heartwarming episode of the Born Fabulous Podcast, we explore their unique living arrangement, which balances independence with interdependence through a supportive network that includes rotating overnight aides and monthly team meetings. We’ll take you through James' touching proposal to Kristen and their dream wedding, sharing touching anecdotes and practical insights that offer a glimpse into their beautiful journey together.

But the story doesn't end there. Kristen and James open up about the intricacies of married life, highlighting the importance of teamwork and effective communication. Listen as they recount their experiences with therapy, managing household roles, and overcoming everyday challenges, such as grocery shopping and dealing with hard-to-reach tasks. Additionally, they discuss how they adapted to the changes brought on by COVID-19, finding comfort in each other’s company despite the disruptions. This episode also features the inspiring song "Love is a Potion" by Melissa Riggio and Rachel Fuller, celebrating the joy of love and friendship. Don’t miss this inspiring episode that showcases how Kristen and James live full, extraordinary lives, supported by a community that believes in their potential.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Living Full Lives
• 7:50 Navigating Marriage and Daily Life
• 16:31 Embracing Love and Friendship

Transcript

Greta Harrison: 0:00

Hello, my name is Greta Harrison. Welcome to Born Fabulous Podcast, season 3, episode 26. The theme of this season is young adults with intellectual disabilities living full lives of independence and interdependence. This episode features Kristen Rupple, James Zoul and Lynn Metzger. It is the second of three episodes with Kristen, James and Lynn, which is part of an in-depth series about marriage featuring parents, self-advocates with support staff and an employer. Lynn is an important member of their support team. Kristen and James both have jobs. They love and lead very full lives. They've been married over five years. James and Kristen have Down syndrome. Now please enjoy this clip. Of Love is a Potion. The lyrics are by Melissa Riggio, who was the focus of episodes one through four in season one. She had Down syndrome. The music and voice are by Rachel Fuller.

Rachel Fuller: 1:12

Love is everything. Love is all around. Love is a potion, love is passion. Love is devotion, love is fusion.

Greta Harrison: 1:40

So is there anything else, with the support, that you want to jump in on? As far as like, tell me, can you describe your apartment? How many bedrooms do you all have? Three, three.

Kristen Rupple: 1:53

We have three.

Greta Harrison: 1:54

Okay, so with the support, is somebody staying there overnight, since you have three bedrooms?

Kristen Rupple: 2:02

Yes, we do.

Greta Harrison: 2:03

Okay. Is somebody staying there overnight every night, or do you have three bedrooms? Yes, we do. Okay, is somebody staying there overnight every night, or do you have a free night? We do have free night on Sundays. You like that, I bet, don't you? I bet you do, okay, so the support staff rotates, staying overnight or it just depends on shifts. And how does that work when?

Lynne Metzger: 2:24

so the structure is such that we have a main point of contact for overnight and her name is Usha and she works Monday through Thursday on the overnight shift, which is generally 10 pm to 6 am. There is a rotating schedule. On Fridays for overnight One of the people slotted is Cecil. Cecil is James' buddy partner, friend slash aide. Cecil brings a unique position to the group in that he and James like to spend time watching wrestling or doing their buddy guy thing, which is important. And then the other days when Cecil is not here on Friday, it's covered by either Kayla or Usha.

Greta Harrison: 3:16

Okay, yeah, I'm sorry, go ahead. I interrupted you, go ahead.

Lynne Metzger: 3:20

No, that's okay. And then just to complete the cycle, um, I'm on the day shift and the weekend shift, weekends and day shift. I spend the night on saturday night um, I get the fun night that's usually when we go do fun things um and uh, stay with them sunday, monday and tuesday not overnight day shifts and then kayla comes in. Kayla's also James's job coach and she comes in the Wednesday, thursday, friday day shift. So that's pretty much how the organization is laid out.

Greta Harrison: 3:53

And, with their supported decision-making, their quote-unquote team. When they meet. I know it's obviously Kristen and James, but who else Like? When there's a team meeting, is it Kristen, james and then at least one or two point people from the support team.

Lynne Metzger: 4:14

So every month we have a team meeting and it consists of James and Kristen, all of the aides, regardless of position or schedule, that are attached to the James and Kristen team. The parents both come on both sides, and then Beth, who is our team leader and also manages LifeWorks, the organization that we work through for support.

Greta Harrison: 4:44

Okay.

Lynne Metzger: 4:45

So you have a lot.

Greta Harrison: 4:46

There's a lot of representation there. There is Okay, yeah, okay, well, that really helps, okay, thank you. Now let's get to something totally different, but very fun. How about when James proposed who wants to talk about the proposal?

Kristen Rupple: 5:08

well, I got a surprise and I was so happy.

Greta Harrison: 5:13

You really were surprised. Yes, so he didn't. He wasn't talking about doing it or anything, he totally shocked you. Ah, that's sweet. Okay, and James, I hear that you put a lot of effort into it, right? You had it all typed out and ready, didn't you? Yes, and you met with Kristen's dad before you proposed and asked his permission, right?

James Zoul: 5:39

Yeah.

Greta Harrison: 5:40

That was very good. That's very good. Since this is audio, I want people to know that James is wearing a shirt that says I love my crazy wife Very sweet, and I know he loves Kristen very much, and vice versa, right, kristen?

Kristen Rupple: 5:58

That's right.

Greta Harrison: 6:00

How about the wedding? Let's hear about the wedding. The wedding is so beautiful.

Kristen Rupple: 6:05

My Uncle, dan, married us and so beautiful, beautiful party.

Greta Harrison: 6:12

Your Uncle Dan married you. That's very nice and it was like a party. Huh yeah, and you got to wear your dream dress.

Kristen Rupple: 6:21

Yes, In my dream dress. It's a white dress with sparkly on top.

Greta Harrison: 6:27

Oh well, we're going to have pictures of that. Was there a special song? Do you all have a special song? We do. It's "erfect. And who sings that?

James Zoul: 6:40

Ed Sheeran.

Greta Harrison: 6:41

Oh, that is a beautiful song. Yes, that perfect Okay. Yeah, that is a wonderful song to have, and did you have that played at your wedding?

Kristen Rupple: 6:52

Yeah.

Greta Harrison: 6:53

Oh, so what was the best thing about getting married?

Kristen Rupple: 6:59

It was my dream getting married, so I sound happy in love.

Greta Harrison: 7:06

Oh and James, what was the best thing for you about getting married? It's sweet, sweet.

James Zoul: 7:14

Yeah.

Greta Harrison: 7:15

Aww, I love how you hold hands a lot. I just wanted to say that for people who can't see, it's very sweet how they hold hands to support each other. What was the hardest thing about getting married? Well without argue, you argue. Oh, you're human. Well, without argue, without about. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm confused. Okay, so you don't argue well, you'll do it so maybe I just so.

Lynne Metzger: 7:50

When I was, when I was talking to james and kristin a little bit and talking about some of the things that we might talk about today, and I asked them um, what's a good thing about being married? Oh, and then, and so that you go ahead with that if you want.

Kristen Rupple: 8:10

The good thing in getting married is it's my dream.

Lynne Metzger: 8:14

And remember how we were talking about. You guys are here together. You were right there for each other, sometimes alone by yourself here, and you guys have each other as a team as a team.

Greta Harrison: 8:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is great. It is great. Now, what would be the hardest? Was there anything hard about getting married?

Kristen Rupple: 8:35

without arguing so arguing?

Greta Harrison: 8:39

is that out without arguing? That's where I'm confused.

Lynne Metzger: 8:44

I think it correct me, Kristen, if I'm wrong, but I think what Kristen is trying to say is trying to not argue as a couple getting used to each other, living in the same place, and so it, from what I'm hearing, it was like all newlyweds we enter into a relationship, they're no different, her into a relationship, they're no different. And so when she says without argue, I think what she's saying is try not argue, just like all of us do in our relationships. Right? Did I say that? Right, kristen? Okay, okay.

Greta Harrison: 9:18

That's great, that's true. That's true because you don't want to nitpick and argue. Every single time something is different. So that's a great comment, kristen, thank you, thank you. Wouldn't life be better without you know, without arguing, and with less arguing for all of us? I like that, all right. So how we talked about the chores and we talked about the meal prep, was there anything that we missed there that you wanted to say? Not really, but I have friends, you have friends. Well, we're going to talk about those friends. I promise we're going to get to that. One thing with the meal prep. I wanted to ask, james, I know you guys share chores. Does that mean, james, sometimes you help cook too? Do you help cook sometimes? Okay, good, good, all right. Well, how about those arguments that you just mentioned without arguing? Everybody, sometime or another, has to argue. How do you handle the arguments?

Kristen Rupple: 10:24

well, I do my best and um we're both stubborn okay, but do uh.

Greta Harrison: 10:32

If I remember right, didn't a therapist one time have a good rule for you? Yes, we're going to have a therapy and it helps a lot. Okay, and didn't he have a? Didn't they have a rule about arguing?

Lynne Metzger: 10:46

I know that one of the things that that they've told me about with the therapist is the therapist encourages communication and times to step away from a heated argument and to talk, talk, talk to each other.

Greta Harrison: 11:04

And you all have been married five years, right, is that correct, right? Five years. Okay, so you've had enough time to get more used to how you each communicate, how you each get mad and all these things. Is it getting easier for you, since it's five years in? Do you think it's easier? Just do our best you do your best, okay, can't ask for any more than that. So are you. I know you've seen a therapist in the past. You mentioned that. Are you seeing a therapist now, or has that just been in the past?

Kristen Rupple: 11:39

um we got our new therapist, so we've been go over there Like once a month maybe, okay, you go and I'm sorry, I had a hard time.

Greta Harrison: 11:50

So you have a new therapist now. Yeah, and you said it definitely works. Okay, all right, you've been seeing a therapist since before you got married, right, to help you with the whole how to have a relationship, sex and all of those things. Right, that therapist helped you through all of that, right, yeah, okay, all right. So what do you and I'll start with Kristen what do you think is your strongest skill at home?

Kristen Rupple: 12:24

Oh I'm organized and I'm smart.

Greta Harrison: 12:32

And what do you need the most? Help with the help with like things you can't reach. Things you can't reach. I need help with that too. That is hard. All right, james, what is your strongest skill at home?

Kristen Rupple: 12:50

Smart.

Greta Harrison: 12:51

You're smart, okay, and what do you need the most? Help with Store.

Kristen Rupple: 12:55

The store, yeah, okay, and what do you?

Greta Harrison: 12:56

need the most help with Store the store yeah. Okay, all right, let's talk about COVID. It still hasn't gone away, but it's a lot better than it was back in 2020 when it started. So how did you all handle it when it just started and it was so much scarier back then? We went back to our parents' house. You went back to your parents' house. Was that hard for you after you were being on your own? Was it hard to go back? It's okay. It's okay, all right. And you rotated between parents' houses, right?

Kristen Rupple: 13:36

That's right.

Greta Harrison: 13:37

You went to one and then you would go to the other and then after a while you came back to your place. But as far as the rules about social distancing and wearing your mask and being careful and getting vaccinated, you guys didn't have any trouble with any of those things, right? No, everything was good with that, right, you got used to the new. That was like the new normal. You got used to that, right. Right, but it affected your jobs, right?

Kristen Rupple: 14:11

Right.

Greta Harrison: 14:13

Your jobs had to close for a while, right, right. So was that hard for you or because you had each other? Did that make it easier? It's okay, I've been working at home. You did some work at home, okay, all right. And what about you, james? I know that the brewery had to shut down for a bit, right.

James Zoul: 14:34

Yeah.

Greta Harrison: 14:35

So you were. Did you miss it when they had to shut down for a bit? Right, yeah, yeah, so you were. Did you miss it when they had to shut down? Yeah okay, but then you were happy to go back, right yes okay, all right. So, speaking of the brewery, james, why don't you tell us what my yard life means to you?

James Zoul: 14:53

to keep up and to keep pace.

Greta Harrison: 14:57

Can you repeat that?

James Zoul: 14:59

to keep up and fast work.

Greta Harrison: 15:04

You have to keep up and it's fast work yeah, okay all right it. It is fast work, isn't it? Uh, it's tell me if I'm you know, correct me if I'm wrong here, but it's my understanding that you know you started with the basics, like you know busing tables and things like that and then they kept showing you more and more duties. Right, they taught you more and more things, correct?

Kristen Rupple: 15:31

yes, yes.

Greta Harrison: 15:32

Okay, and it got. It's to the point now where you're, you and the four dudes. You're one of the four dudes. You guys get to brew your own beer every few months, right?

James Zoul: 15:46

Yes.

Greta Harrison: 15:47

How does that feel?

James Zoul: 15:49

It's good.

Greta Harrison: 15:50

It's good. Does my does? Does your boss and the people at my Yard Live? Do they feel like family to you?

James Zoul: 15:57

Yes.

Greta Harrison: 15:58

Okay, that's great, and is there anything else you want to add about your job, because I am going to be talking to your boss.

James Zoul: 16:06

Yeah.

Greta Harrison: 16:07

I'm going to be talking to Jamie, so is there anything else you want to add, maybe about Jamie or anything else?

James Zoul: 16:13

I got my different co-workers is Brendan, mark and Ryan.

Greta Harrison: 16:23

So you're talking about some of your co-workers, and you love your boss, don't you?

James Zoul: 16:29

Yes.

Greta Harrison: 16:31

Thank you for listening to episode 26 of Born Fabulous Podcast's third season. This was the second of three episodes featuring Kristen and James. I hope you enjoyed it and want to hear more. Short video clips from most episodes are available on our YouTube channel and on BornFabulousPodcastcom. You can also hear all released episodes of Born Fabulous Podcast on YouTube now. Episodes of Born Fabulous podcast on YouTube now. In episode 27, you will hear Kristen and James Soule talk about some of the fun things they do with their friends, their beautiful love and more. Kristen and James have Down syndrome. Please follow and like us on Facebook, instagram, twitter and threads. If you enjoyed this episode, I'd be honored if you would leave a review wherever you heard this podcast Now. Please enjoy this clip. Of Love is a Potion. The lyrics are by Melissa Riggio, who was the focus of Season 1, episodes 1 through 4, she had Down Syndrome. The music and voice are by Rachel Fuller.

Rachel Fuller: 17:36

Love holds deeply inside. Love does not tear apart. Love is a potion.

Greta Harrison: 17:51

Love is passion. Love never fails. Love's emotion is sure.