In the Lobby Podcast
Join us “In the Lobby” as we interview your favorite Austin-based entrepreneurs, influencers, and innovators.
Your hosts Cassandra & Roger display a style that is effortlessly playful and equally probing.
Filled with candid conversations that usually happen off the mic. Our show touches on everything from relationships to dating experiences, as well as other topics including business, wellness, and personal growth.
What is the biggest misconception about you?
Our podcast is a platform where guests share their story, challenging misconceptions about themselves.
Every whisper, every story, unfolds within the lobby.
It’s going down!
In the Lobby Podcast
Julie Theis on 'The Trust' Gameplay, Post-Show Romance with Jake, and Navigating Online Hate
On today's episode, we're delighted to welcome Julie Theis. Julie is a psychologist and entrepreneur, who gained substantial attention online following her Kylie Jenner Balenciaga debacle. Her notable presence on Netflix's reality show, "The Trust," further cemented her status in the public eye. She breaks down her friendships/alliances on the show as well as her showmance with Jake. She provides an in-depth look into her relationship with Jake, from their time together on the show to the events that unfolded afterwards, and discusses how she manages online hate.
You can follow Julie Theis:
Insta: @julietheisofficial
TikTok: @ julietheis
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
You can follow In the Lobby Podcast: @inthelobbypod
You can follow Cassandra Jean:
@paininmycass_
You can follow Roger Braxton:
@arrogee
I'm so excited. I feel like we've been running around like maniacs today, but we're so excited to have Julie Tice in the lobby with us.
Speaker 2:The H is silent. Yes, yes, rhymes is nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I was telling you I'm blonde so it might take me a few tries to get it correct, but we're so excited to have you here. Thank you so much for coming on the show. We're so excited to have you here. Thank you so much for coming on the show. We're trying to keep our podcast like Austin based, like you know, kind of interview like influencers, innovators, entrepreneurs, and I can't think of anyone better to have.
Speaker 2:I feel like you fit in so many boxes, which is good.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't fit in.
Speaker 2:Exactly. I'm like well, I don't know which way to say it, but you are making your own way and you're doing it in such a very different, authentic way. So it's valuable, but I think the audience definitely needs to hear a little bit more about you, thanks, guys.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm worried about this mic. Is that the right?
Speaker 1:thing You're good. Yeah, like a little bit Fist away.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah and I'm like.
Speaker 2:This is the authentic stuff. I know Every time we're in here too.
Speaker 1:We start like sweating. It's like the lights and the heat and everything it gets hot here it's good, right now yeah.
Speaker 2:So I mean, we talked a little bit about heat, right Like where's home originally, because I want to make sure I understand this.
Speaker 3:I'm from Montana originally and I moved to Austin three years ago.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:Didn't know a single person here.
Speaker 1:I was in Very impulsively, yeah, yeah, what was Montana like?
Speaker 3:So small, so I grew up in a 5,000 population town.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:Montana has a million people for the whole state, so there's more cows than there are people, that's true. So I grew up super small town but I was always like I'm going um. So I grew up super small town but I was always like I'm gonna get out one day. I hate it here. It's so cranky, and all my teachers would be like, oh, you're gonna just love it. When you grow up you're gonna feel different. I'm like no, I'm not. And I grew up, I still don't feel different so like you still won't go back to, maybe like once a year, okay I'll go
Speaker 2:back, yeah do you think you would have like your vacation home there?
Speaker 3:um no, why would you have a vacation?
Speaker 2:home. So I I only asked cause I used to work out there. I used to work in Montana, um. So I've been to Billings and I used to also work in. Billings. Okay, there we go. And I used to work in Boise, okay, so I think they're picturesque, like they're beautiful, but I can imagine.
Speaker 3:I've just done it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like it's so pretty in the snow and I'm like I've done. I did my time.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm from New York. I feel the same way, and I'm not from maybe like certain parts of New York that everybody's mind may go to, yeah, but I feel the same way, like I'm, like I did it, I'm good, I don't want to live there.
Speaker 1:Done, I'm going to the next.
Speaker 3:Yeah words, and I was very similar like not completely, but how I am now like imagine this in Montana, yeah, that's a lot.
Speaker 2:You were right.
Speaker 3:I wasn't very like, understood, yeah which is to your benefit yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And then Austin, you've been here three years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's crazy so I've been here six and I did that same move like my style move was I moved here kind of like on a whim. I had the opportunity to live in Dallas or Houston and I chose Austin because I'd never visited. And then when I first visited here, like maybe like 30 minutes in, I'm like, I'm in, let's sign the lease.
Speaker 3:I actually typed in when I was like thinking about it, because I just went through a breakup. I'm like best place for like hot, single rich people to live it was San Francisco was first, I think for like entrepreneurs too, I think San Francisco is number one, and then Austin was like number two or number three and I was like, okay, I guess.
Speaker 2:But a good thing, too is like you're making your own way, like you don't need anybody. Like this is it's amazing to witness. It's amazing to see the same thing that you search for, of like why you came here you're breaking barriers and doing it the way in which you want to yeah, which is cool.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I feel like I found my way here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like Austin because like I was going to, because like didn't you grow up in like foster care or what was that like, because do you have family still in Montana or what is your kind of home life?
Speaker 3:look like there um, I don't speak to anyone like I have a grandma that's still there and like her and I speak, but that's not often um. So growing up I was, like you know, single mom, so we were homeless on and off. I was in foster care a few of those times, um, without like, when I was really younger, like a baby and like two um, but those are very important developmental years.
Speaker 2:So sure definitely so.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I wasn't good growing up, which is probably another reason why I very much disliked it. And then, like the second I turned 18, I put I kind of I've done this often. I put everything like in my truck and I was like I drove up to the nearest college town and I was like I want to go to school. And they're like you can't you literally have to have like your parents sign off on all this stuff. They're like well, are you emancipated from the state? I'm like no, I don't, I just left, you know.
Speaker 3:And they're like well, you can't go to school, like you need your parents to sign this. And I was like I don't like know where they're at um, like I, I don't talk to them. And the like lady in the um registration office, she's like okay, and she like bypassed the paperwork and her name is Julie. I still remember her and she enrolled me and four years later I graduated with highest honors and then I went on to get my master's degree and then, when I was done with my master's, I once again like sold everything, put everything like in my vehicle and just drove down Austin.
Speaker 2:So that's scary. Again like sold everything, put everything like in my vehicle and just drove down austin. So that's scary, that's your move, that's like when you're ready to go.
Speaker 3:You like pack, I just leave. I'm a runner.
Speaker 1:Yeah, price is something on my style, I don't know I mean, I think that's what's so fascinating too, because, like you studied psychology right, yeah, in college. Do you think that was like affected by the way that you kind of were brought up like in foster care and trying to understand maybe yourself or your family dynamic better?
Speaker 3:yeah, completely. I think I always had like a fascination for also like what separated people um, which I know we'll get into, but even like the show the Trust really fascinated me about how like there's different like class, classes, genders, all of that. So I was a very like observant child and I'd be like, why are we living like this? Why do other people live like that? Why also, like, are my parents like this to me? Um, so I was just very curious about humans and human nature, but then also like, how do I break out of this? How do I become something different than like what I grew up in?
Speaker 2:yeah, and it's so funny too, the way in which your brand attaches to a lot of that development like education, wise, right, like your personal brand. I think it almost rings a different bell for me now Understanding that background and hearing a little bit more about it. Yeah, I'm now familiarized in a way where I'm like holy, like it just makes a little bit more sense when you're offering those impact statements or those versions of ways in which you can handle and deal with psychological kind of like indifferences that we all have.
Speaker 3:Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's crazy because, like, you would never know, like what your upbringing was like. Because you're such a well put together woman, I think it's so fascinating for you to like share your story and like where you kind of came from. Yeah, because we were talking about you know, a big thing we're going to talk about is this Netflix show that you were on the trust, but you also have a master's degree in psychology. So I was asking you, I was like, what were you doing before you were talking to the casting directors of the show? Like, were you taking on clients? Were you doing therapy for clients? What was your career like before this big Netflix reality show?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I went to school to at first be a therapist. So I have my bachelor's in applied psychology. My master's is also in psychology, but halfway through grad school I also switched into specialization in industrial organizational psychology. So I specialized in sales, social media, buying, behavior. So I actually had like uh, private clients that I took on to help them like build and scale their business or like the psychology of sales, which actually has a lot to do with like human nature and there is like uh, it probably plays it big into the show.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause there is like, uh, it probably plays it big into the show, yeah because there is like human nature of like it's how do people make decisions?
Speaker 3:yeah, so there's some controversy around that because it's like oh, are you manipulating people in a buying? Well, people just they're not as unbiased with their decisions as they think they are. They're always being influenced, so it's either going to be you or another company. Um, so that's what I focused on, but I was actually working in cryptocurrency and helping, so I had a corporate job in crypto, but crypto dudes like suck at marketing and there's stuff that they have to market, so I was doing that. But I also take on private clients and do more of that. It's not therapy, mentoring, but I coach a lot around psychological addictions.
Speaker 1:Wow, yeah, I mean, that's's like, I think, how I first found you because, like being in austin, we kind of have some like mutual girlfriends. But I remember at the time I was like scrolling on tiktok and it was during the balenciaga scandal and I think you know there's a pretty big family called the kardashians that, uh, I don't know if they hated you for a second, but they weren't your biggest.
Speaker 3:I don't think they like me.
Speaker 1:I don't know if they're your biggest fan, Julie, because you do put a lot of content around, kind of the psychology of the family, things that are occurring. What was it like when you know I guess it was, was it? Kylie kind of came for you in your comments with a video you posted? Yeah, I did a video.
Speaker 3:It was a joke and I'm kind of like calling out just the Kardashians because she released photos of like her kids during like the Balenciaga scandal and I was like oh, kris Jenner telling the kids to release the good photos and Kylie commented on it and she was all like this is why I don't post post this stuff and I'm like I I commented back and I did a response video and I was like I get that, that shit's frustrating. But at the same time, and then that video blew up, like my video was on like the news, I mean like buzzfeed, e-entertainment, dutch news, spanish news, yahoo, everywhere and I'm like do you see the impact of like you kind of throwing a fit and being the victim right now, which I get it? It probably sucks, like you're always under like constant scrutiny. However, the attention this got like this is not what deserves.
Speaker 3:My videos don't deserve attention Like the what Balenciaga was doing with like blatant child pedophilia and their ads, and I'm like you could have said one sentence in statement and stood up for something that's far more important than this video, but you only speak out against things that impact you, and I was like kind of like you did with Astroworld, and so people there were a lot, because I doubled down, there was a lot of like hey, of people who love them, and I'm like they don't care if you live or die newsflash, um, but there was.
Speaker 2:I got a lot of praise for it too, because I'm like, well, I said what I said, yeah something that you doubled down on right here, like you just speaking about that moment, saying, well, look, you make your comment people are gonna hear and allow that comment to ring a bell in so many different ways, and then you even speak to where you double down on it right and like look what's happening.
Speaker 3:I'm like this, this isn't important. Related it to another moment.
Speaker 2:It's like she could have even just commented on Balenciaga while still replying to you, right?
Speaker 1:I mean, why did she have to say anything at all? Because I feel like she knows the power and influence she has, right, and so I'm sure it struck a chord. Yeah, it must have struck a chord, yeah it must have struck a chord.
Speaker 2:See, it's hard too because, like I think about, if I'm ever in those moments, I would probably fuck it up and do something wrong, Like I don't know if I have that same psychological backing.
Speaker 3:They're not perfect and they're not required to be, but it's like the fans. It's like don't be real careful about putting your idols on a pedestal.
Speaker 2:Awesome, awesome.
Speaker 1:That's very well said, yeah, yeah, yeah, did your like following go up from that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was like, yeah, yeah it was on like news channels. Yeah, I know, entertainment tonight or something, my ex at the or well, boyfriend at the time, but he was like, yeah, my mom was like I saw julie on like entertainment tonight, like yeah like mom.
Speaker 2:Would you see her on there?
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, we always talk about that too. It's like, is all publicity good publicity?
Speaker 2:I'll take anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3:I struggle with that because it's like I kind of agree with the sentiment that, you know, controversy sells.
Speaker 2:It does.
Speaker 3:Chaos sells, being bold sells, but it's like I'm also someone who I'm, I can, I see both sides. So I think that might hinder me because I'm like, no, I can see this, I can see this side. But I think content does much better when you're like no, like very black and white, because it really inflames people, so sometimes I will take a stand.
Speaker 2:I'm like I can see the other side too well, I think that's a tough part where you have this version of the psychological understanding.
Speaker 3:Yeah, a lot of people turn that off.
Speaker 2:Right Like how. How do you turn that off?
Speaker 3:I have to like. It's in the same way when I like consulted on marketing. It's like there are what's going to like, I would say, in marketing and I would tell my clients.
Speaker 3:It's like sell them on what they want but give them what they need, so it's like to get them in the door. You can have something way more bold that is going to like trigger what your client would want or kind of like make the content blow up and then so that's kind of how I look at it. It's like I might do something way more bold. Or on the, especially on the trust, I was like very like sassy and bold and I was also my other self, but there's a lot that like got cut out.
Speaker 3:But then I can do things like this and it's like we can have a more long form conversation and it's like, well, I'm not that crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think you're crazy at all.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:I think context is important and you got to be fair, yeah, and you got to remember it's like an entire season is only minutes of anything that actually went on.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think people can't even understand that until you like, go on a reality TV show. I know.
Speaker 3:I used to say too I'm like, oh, you got a bad edit. I'm like they can't like make you say something that you didn't say, and so I like that's what I've been asked. A lot is like how real is it? And I won't say like anything really got manipulated, that was filmed, but it's like there's way more context to it. So sometimes, like emotions are a lot more. It's like you cut someone else's story out and then so you kind of look stupid or just the thing you say and you're like wait.
Speaker 2:I just talk no wall, like somebody else provoked me yeah.
Speaker 3:Sometimes even like the producers are like so like I remember one time they were like so Jake was there gaslighting you and I was like he was there gaslighting me and it's like you can't fool me. Oh, yeah, he was. I'm like, yeah, it's like when you have your like best girlfriend and they're like hyping you up.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's the same when you're Well. For me I would be like really sassy or say something.
Speaker 2:I don't know. Bitchy maybe is a better adjective, Don't you worry, so do I.
Speaker 3:But then it's like they're like hyping you up and they're laughing and I'm like, ah, this, like I'm killing it with this comedy bit, I'm going to keep going. And then they like cut all the other stuff out and you just have a line where you sound like the worst person alive.
Speaker 2:I'm like and it's it's wild to know that that's someone's job, like somebody I know has perfected that I love that for them.
Speaker 3:I think it's same I can't even be mad because I'm like. You got me okay that's a superpower we were talking about this.
Speaker 1:We were talking about this yesterday. Actually like reality tv. He was like cass, are you like amping yourself up with the podcast to like be on? To go on a show tv and I'm like no, that's not where my mind was going at all. So I think about someone like that's not where my mind was going either.
Speaker 3:I know, I didn't think so.
Speaker 1:But I'm like you know you're putting out this content that's, like you know, provoking people in certain ways around psychology. So I'm like, how did you get cast on the show, or was that it was?
Speaker 3:separate, okay, completely separate. So it was like, right when I started, started my TikTok, which isn't how I was found, so I wasn't doing the like psychology dives of like the celebrities or anything but when, like I said, when I left Montana, I had gone through a breakup, so I still had, I think, like a photo of me, my ex on there and a casting director reached out and he was like hey, well, you and your boyfriend interview for Temptation Island.
Speaker 3:And I was like oh, oh, we broke up so that won't be happening and he's like oh well, like you could actually interview still to be like one of the hot singles. Do you want to do that?
Speaker 2:don't you worry, I have another option and I was like I've never thought about it.
Speaker 3:I'm like shit, I'm not doing anything, like I just moved and might as well. And so I interviewed and I got really far in the casting process, um, like up to the point where they're like, okay, everything's done, this is where you're, when your flights would be be on standby. And then they called me and they're like, yeah, you're actually the alternate. And I was really like sad about it and I was like, well, that was stupid. Why was that put into my life? Like I was even looking for that. Yeah, what a waste of my time.
Speaker 3:And then so a whole year goes by and I'm just like living my life, doing my thing. And the same casting director called me and he's like, hey, there's this new show. He's like I can't tell you anything about it, but I remember you from your interview. He's like I loved you. I can't believe they didn't take you. And he's like, um, will you interview for this? And I'm like I like I had still has kind of a sour taste in my mouth from it. But I'm like, yeah, I guess. And then, but I really kept my expectations low because I saw how fast it can like get taken from you, even on the day you're supposed to fly out. So I really didn't take it seriously and I was like I probably won't get it.
Speaker 3:I didn't tell my work that I was leaving like I had gotten a new apartment with the salary I was making out like the other job yeah and, um, like I have a dog, all this stuff, so I wasn't making any plans to leave and then they told me that I got the show and it was like, oh my god, like what do I wear? What do I bring? They're like don't worry about it.
Speaker 3:People will call you. It'll all be like done and they're like but you leave in five days. Wow, it was like okay, told my. I was like can I have the time off? They're like no, you cannot. I was like a week away from I was supposed to get like a $15,000 signing bonus and I was a week away from that and so and they're like well, if you leave, you can't come back. You have the signing bonus. So that also influenced some of my decisions on the trust where it's like you guys are fine, my decisions on the trust where it's like you guys are fine, and I would say that I'm like some of you guys are going back to a life like you have parents, you have jobs, you have this. I'm like.
Speaker 3:First of all, I got that it was crazy because I got the $15,000 offer in the trust and I was like, haha, there's my signing bonus and I was like I have to take it so that's like a sign that it was like the same amount of money, kind of pretty much more money right yeah, it's crazy
Speaker 2:and yeah, I mean that divine timing with a bit of like fear behind, like hey, is this decision gonna like ruin?
Speaker 3:but also like I was. I was competitive when I went in. I didn't know that the show was going to be competing for money. None of us knew that. But I had a feeling because they did ask me a lot about my past and my views on money, and so I was like maybe money will be involved. And I remember in my hotel room and I was like, because they like quarantine us kind of, and I was like, if this is about money, like I'm gonna get that back.
Speaker 3:I'm not like nice. I'm going back to like trailer park Julie and survival mode.
Speaker 2:I'm, I'll do whatever is it okay to ask how much you won or?
Speaker 3:yeah, it was like, uh, like 67 000 that's awesome 7 800 yeah that's awesome.
Speaker 2:I mean because you, you also think about that. That amount of money can change anybody's tomorrow, but for sure, the way in which you're planning for the next year to five to ten yeah like that's awesome, good for you yeah, that's so cool.
Speaker 1:But I mean I feel like people like did your friends know that you were like going on the show? Like what happened? You're not supposed to tell?
Speaker 3:anyone, okay, um. So it was like I had to tell, like you know, get my dog like watched and stuff. So there is like some people I'm like they will literally think I died did you get your dog back? Yes, I did, but like I didn't. Well, I'm not close to my family so I like didn't tell them at all.
Speaker 2:And I love my dog, oh, my.
Speaker 3:God, what so cute, that's crazy. That's a beautiful dog, but yeah, so I didn't tell my family. I turned on my phone after a month, didn't care. I'm like okay if I die, like no one no one I guess.
Speaker 3:Um, there are some friends too who it was like they didn't ask me really if I was like okay, but they kept sending me like party invites because like South by Southwest, and I was like I guess that's sweet like they didn't care that I was like not replying, they just kept like faithfully being like, if you want to come so there was that.
Speaker 3:And then I did have some of my like followers. They're like hey, julie, I haven't seen you. I hope you're doing okay. Yeah, but yeah, you couldn't say anything. I had a bit after that. I would be at a party. People like where were you? And I was like rehab, but it would be funny, you could be drinking. You're like, really, I'm like, yeah, that's because it went great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm cured the.
Speaker 1:You went on the show. You already had like a lot of like a big following, right yeah, she just disappeared, you know yeah.
Speaker 2:Which is almost, like I want to say, probably opposite of some of those other folks on the show, because they maybe didn't have a following, but they, as you said, you can go back home to mommy, daddy, aunt, uncle, and they could take care of you financially. And you're like, I have a following, but I I have to get this bad.
Speaker 3:I'm like I don't have a safety net yeah all and even like leaving my job, like I sobbed on like the phone with them, like I it's like maybe I shouldn't do this I just had a gut feeling, but I'm like, yeah, there's no safety net that's awesome did you have like that intuition, like telling you like go, yeah, yeah I think it's awesome because you bet on yourself.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think, when you bet I didn't know it was netflix. I didn't know. I'm like this could be one episode. I didn't know how long I'd be gone for, um, no clue what I was going to be doing that's so scary, yeah, but I will say like once we took our blinds full fold off and I like looked around, I was like I got this yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:So how does that work? So you get cast on the show they I know they quarantine you right.
Speaker 3:Well, when we get there, we still don't know what the show is. So I show up to Dominican Republic. There's this guy who has my name on the sign. It says Julie Lynn, so now you're my last name, and it doesn't speak English and I like, point to me, I land and I was like maybe this is part of the show, like maybe there's social. They're gonna kidnap me or they're trafficking me, I don't know like you don't, you really don't know.
Speaker 3:I really don't know. So I'm like, okay, and I just get in the car that says something. I think about all of us too. I'm like, damn, everyone else must be y'all, y'all, y'all are a little trusting. I know, yeah, low trust. Trust issues outside of the house, high trust issues inside of the house. But yeah, I was like if they're trafficking me, they're doing such a good job that.
Speaker 2:I mean.
Speaker 3:I appreciate it, hard workers, so they, yeah, anyways, I get there, we get into our hotel, but then it's kind of like you have production come in and they're like hi, not being trafficked, but you have to stay in your hotel room. They tape the like the door, look thing out, so you can't like see, you can't leave your room. They have to walk you down to like dinner. You get like 30 minutes. It kind of was like rehab Maybe. I've never been to rehab actually. Sure, but 30 minutes of like free, like outside time, oh, sunlight time You're in jail.
Speaker 3:In jail. Yeah, so yeah. And then that was that for like two days, and then we would go and film kind of like our very first interview, to be like hi, I'm Julie, I'm from Austin, and then when we were ready to actually film, still had no clue what the show was. They blindfolded all of us, which also fake, fake eyelashes, and it's like messed up, it's hot, I'm like. I feel like I look so ugly that first day especially.
Speaker 2:Did they give you all like pool time? I'm like, how did you Like I would have been so mad?
Speaker 3:Well, this was the first day Like. So this is before we like get in the house, so, anyways, we're blindfolded. And then they were finally like you can unblindfold yourself, so it's they start having people walk down, but we're spaced out so we're not allowed to talk to each other. But I can see like who's in front of me and I'm not supposed to turn around, and there's like Mama J was right in front of me and she's like 70. So what Like? And then I see Tolu, who's in front and she's like wearing her like nigerian print dress that I thought I was like they cast like a nigerian princess. And then I see a cowboy and I'm like what the fuck kind of show is this like? There's we all look so different like what is this going to be?
Speaker 3:and then so the opening scene, where you really do see us all like get down there and we're kind of like looking around. And then brooke baldwin. She explains the concept of what we're going to be doing. So if you guys don't know, 11 strangers. She's like you all just want a quarter of a million dollars free and you can go through the whole house and just share it. Or you can vote someone, or you guys can have the choice to vote some people out of the trust and take more money for yourself. So like we're all, like that was very genuine, like we. That was the first time we were told what the show was and what we're going to be doing did you have any motivation to do that like?
Speaker 3:um well, I did end up voting a lot of people out yeah so, um, yeah, but I know if you would have done it the very first, when everyone was standing there, because that was the only time it was public. She's like you guys can start now. Like anyone who's going to do that, you're going to have a target on your back so right, no one's going to do that, but the very first one. Yeah, like we voted. Yeah, I'm out, glenn I don't trust you well, like, even like, so, just like.
Speaker 1:I guess, being a female, I'm like I'm thinking like hair wardrobe when you're like, I know, on this show, because if you're gonna go on reality tv, you want to look good, right, yeah so, yeah, no, I was like I had enough time to get my nails done, like couldn't get my hair done, like you're you literally are just bringing the clothes that you have. Ok, so you bring.
Speaker 3:you brought the clothes, having no idea like exactly what outfits you need they told us they're like bring like like 10 outfits that would be like nice evening, 10 casual, 10 like swim and 10 like workout ones and take pictures and we'll like make sure we approve it. So that's literally just whatever was in your closet. So I was also working full-time, like yeah, the day I left do you feel like you arrive with some more clothes? Uh, no, no okay I'm like, I'm like. What kind of question is that I?
Speaker 2:don't know guys, guys, because the other thing that I hardly even wear work clothes to work.
Speaker 3:okay, the other thing is that they said don't hit women's tattoos, because.
Speaker 2:the other thing that I hardly even wear work clothes to work. Okay, the other thing is that they said don't worry, the clothes will be taken care of.
Speaker 3:Well, they're like, wardrobe will call you Like.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so no, we all the clothes are our clothes. But I was just like what do I wear?
Speaker 2:And they're like don't worry about it was just like wardrobe will be like pack this yeah but yeah but I think honestly that too, with some of the reality tv shows, you get a little bit more of an authentic version of people that's what they want.
Speaker 3:They're wearing it, they're all you.
Speaker 1:They want you to be off base yeah a lot of women talk about that that go on like some of the dating shows, because you can't tell people that you're going on the shows. So then you can't go to like a boutique or a brand or be like hey, like can you give me some stuff because I'm going to go on a show, you know? So it's like you're either like fronting your own money to like buy all these outfits and hope it works out, and it's good, it's reality TV, so it's supposed to be more like it would be like very.
Speaker 3:You kind of see it in shows where it's reality tv but people have, uh, it's like, look at the selling sunset like we're seizing here to like now. They're totally different.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, but then it now brings me to another point where it's like I hear you just make jokes, right, yeah, you make jokes, while we're just like just going through questions, having our conversations.
Speaker 3:Here I can see where that may be hard to digest on a show I know, imagine all the other stuff getting cut out and just like for my sentences and I'm like losers like yeah well, everything was.
Speaker 1:I thought I thought we were kiki, so literally right, because, like, even I remember the one episode I was watching and, like they're talking about, you went to parties where they weigh women and that was up. Yeah, let's talk about it.
Speaker 3:That was everywhere. And what is even more sad about this and getting your humor.
Speaker 2:I'm like I love it.
Speaker 3:It wasn't even humor. I talked about this in such an intelligent way. And so this goes back to Austin. Is I was there like like, oh, what's it like being in Austin? I'm like, well, you know, like it's crazy.
Speaker 3:I'm in these like social circles and it's these like multi-millionaires and there's all this alcohol or drugs like it's a very insane lifestyle and I'm like, but it's very. There are these like unspoken rules, and I'm sure anytime you kind of get in those like upper circles and like it's very well known that the value of a man is on his net worth and the value of a woman is on the way she looks. And I'm like I went to a party one time and there was a scale outside of the door. No one was being weighed. They were like the people are being assholes and it was like a joke and they're like, oh no, fat chicks, and that's like crude and there's so many things wrong with that.
Speaker 3:But it was like just an observation that I had. I'm like, but a scale doesn't need to exist for women to know that there are these unspoken rules and we have to make those choices then. So for me it's like, do I lean into this? Like pretty privilege. I think a lot of women have to go through that. Do we lean into this like pretty privilege in this small patriarchal system where it's designed to hold us back and we mostly do not benefit? Or do we take advantage of the small piece that we have, knowing it's demeaning of ourselves, but I can still benefit? That is exactly how I said it, all that all that got cut out.
Speaker 3:So when we so they, but they took secrets like from, like they were interviewing me and that, so that was. That was during casting interviews and they all took, like you know, just the most unhinged things we said. So we also didn't know. So I think some people think we chose our own secrets. That wasn't true. The production chose that and I get it. It's very like I've I told that story to my therapist and she's like what? Like that's crazy and like, but no one is being weighed and it is wrong. And I know some people like well then you shouldn't have gone to that party, and I'm like it's, we are all faced with that, though that we have to like it's not my advocacy arena. Um, I'm like, I get your point and I also. It wasn't my scale, it wasn't my party, it wasn't my like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it wasn't like you were going back to that party every Saturday at 12.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I get it Like. There is a part where it's like oh, you know what you, you know, let pass you permit Fair. However, it's like that's not the only example where we look the other way and it's like both parties, both men and women, we don't benefit in those systems and I'm like but I also didn't create the, this patriarchal system, yeah, but I do. I have to make a choice of do I benefit? And then even on the show, I get faced with that and I've, like you know, with the relationship that I had with jake and I've gotten a lot of hate with that.
Speaker 3:It's like, oh, you're not a girl's girl. Like just blatant slut shaming for it. Like, yeah, I'm going to like flirt and I'm going to manipulate and I'm going to use this to my advantage. You could see it like oh, that's the worst thing that you could do. Maybe, yeah, I'm gonna win. Like there's. Yeah, sometimes I'm gonna look the other way and I'm like I'm going to win and yeah, I took. I knew the. These things exist, though, whether I take benefit in them or not, for sure. So I'm gonna take benefit. Have you ever?
Speaker 1:seen mad men. It's like it's just even going back to, like you know, like the 1950s or whatever, when women first started their corporate careers, like they had a lot of them had to take advantage of like pretty privilege, you know, being around men for the first time, having careers, being secretaries, and so you're just hitting the nail on the head of like this has always been an issue and you can either look at pretty privilege to your advantage. I mean, I feel like it's usually seen as like a negative thing, but it could just be like you're magnetic and you're taking advantage of that.
Speaker 3:There are so many systems we don't benefit in. So, I'm like, yeah, if this is a small one, but I'm like I get it kind of like lets the monster live. But I'm like it's exactly what I was talking about in marketing how some people are like, oh, that's manipulative, that you're teaching that, but if I'm not doing it, another corporation is going to.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:And you want to get your point across.
Speaker 3:I would rather have myself at the top, knowing that at the end of the day, after all this strategy for me to get to the top, I am a loving and caring person and I have plans to do good in this world, versus someone who is not that way. Truly so, I'm like. I actually think there's a benefit to me. I think that's like commendable, because I feel, like.
Speaker 1:That's you having your own back and showing up for yourself.
Speaker 2:You know and knowing, at the end of the day, all we have is like ourselves, truly, you know but you bring up a point too that I think should be discussed a little bit more of how do you like your male kind of fans versus female fans approach you online?
Speaker 3:um, it's interesting. So, like before the show I definitely had like my tiktok audience was like 98 female sure and it actually still is pretty like heavily female.
Speaker 3:My audience on instagram is pretty heavily female. My snapchat audience is like very male. Everyone's so nice to me on snapchat I like never had a snap until I was like now I'm a creator on there so I can like make money, so I'm on Snapchat. But it's strange with like hate comments Publicly, I get more hate comments from women, which is disappointing, and a lot of them are like you're not a girl's girl, like you're not. I'm like well, I've never been such a not girls girl that I'd go to a stranger's strange woman's page and just leave hate comments. But so, but yeah, I've had some, but I've had a very aggressive like men in my like.
Speaker 3:DMs to like I had this one guy. He's like just so you know my girlfriend wouldn't approve of this, but, and just like I'm, but it was so hateful Like, oh, it hit like any point like my looks, my character, like just in, really like crude and disgusting like way.
Speaker 2:And I'm like did you know this person? No, yeah. That's fucking weird.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I don't know. It's like it's weird on both sides.
Speaker 1:Well, we're not like going down in the DMs, cause like the worst shit happens there too, but I was like, after being on the show I feel like you know, did you have any like celebrities kind of like hit your DMs, Like you get that visibility and like you're a beautiful woman, you know, I'm just like I feel like maybe that opens the doors for dating a little bit.
Speaker 3:Um, I so when I was like in, we were all in Los Angeles um after the show and it was like that's when my social media was popping off, so it was really easy to like go to parties. So like I took like Tolo and we went with like FaZe Banks, and that was cool, but it wasn't anything like weird or yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I feel like the access to like parties was a lot easier, especially like being in LA and then like, if you're in Netflix, a lot of like the Netflix like universe is very niche and that's its own ecosystem. Yeah, so we all have that in common. So it's like they're like we follow each other and stuff.
Speaker 2:And then I guess, now I want to know on the brand side, like have you gotten like a very weird brand offering since being on the show? Not really, I honestly thought.
Speaker 3:I would, no, I've and I probably wouldn't. So hit me up, make it rain my soul is for sale um, but yeah, oh, that's not true.
Speaker 3:I've gotten like a couple, but nothing like major, you know, and I I kind of thought that I would, so it really I really realized after and again I'm like I'm glad I played that game then because I there was a part of me that's like, oh, maybe I should be more angelic on the show and that will help me like with America, the audience of America, and like brand deals and stuff. And I'm really glad I wasn't because, just like my fear on the show, I was like on the outside of this I only have myself to rely on, no one is coming to save me. And but I was like, oh, you know, I'll be on Netflix. Maybe everything will just like fall into my lap. And it didn't. So I still have that same like responsibility we all do to make it happen for myself myself. But it I'm sure it opened up doors, but it's like I have to be the one to you gotta knock on the knob yeah and like keep going.
Speaker 3:So nothing's been like a lot easier. So I'm like god, I'm glad I have that money and like I'm glad so I took that money. I'm glad I voted people out. I mean no regrets, I should have voted more people out, yeah I should have.
Speaker 1:Would you do another reality tv show now, seeing like the money that you've made from doing this show? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I definitely would. Do you have any shows that you would like want to be on?
Speaker 3:I would. So I've been interviewed like, but I don't think I can like say already, but I'm not going as of right now. So but it's like in, like I feel like another one's coming see, yeah, I want the juicy yeah, I would. I think I would do well on a dating show. Actually, um, because everyone already like they're like you made that into a dating show. I'm like you guys are so welcome.
Speaker 2:You got the best of both worlds. Yeah, like anything's a dating show if you're hot enough right do you still keep in like contact with any of the people from?
Speaker 1:the show. Yeah, what about Jake?
Speaker 3:No, jake, and I don't talk anymore. It's tough, it's tough. Whatever. So we talked for a little bit after the show, um, but well, I think on both sides pretty much, I saw social media and I'm like what the fuck this is? We're, we're just very different and our approach to things.
Speaker 3:But it was hard because, like, what people don't see, they're like, ah, how could you like he's so like this, what other people say like misogynistic, racist, all this shit, and I'm like, yeah, I did not approve of the content, but but I was like I had a different relationship with him. I'm like he was very and this is another part that didn't really get on the show. This is the part that I'm mad about with editing, is it looks like I'm way more like I'm in pursuit, but it really doesn't. If you line some things up and I'm like, yeah, yeah, like him trying to kiss me, me kind of like putting it on the back burner, um, and I was asked so much, like while we were filming the show, it's like why won't you move things forward with Jake? Why won't you move things forward? I'm like I don't know. I'm like I think that we're, uh, we have chemistry, but we don't have compatibility and I'm focused on the competition. So I'm like I will sure, but I'm like it's nice to have someone to flirt with, you know, but we also we did have a relationship. We lived with each other for like a whole month and in that like, jake was very like protective of me.
Speaker 3:He, I, I saw him as like a very like standup guy.
Speaker 3:He talked about like being in the military and like standing up for like women and how they would like psychologically mess with the soldiers that way when they were like in camp and they would hit women in front of them because they knew they're not supposed to break. And they're like if you ever get, if you're ever a prisoner of war. So when I was hearing all that, I'm like wow, like I love the way like you speak about this and it was like so that was the other thing is people really say, like you ruined the Women's Alliance and I'm like well, the hard part is that I'm like I kind of had the gut feeling and I ended up being sure that they were like talking shit about me, that they would vote me out. Um, I think as women we all have those experiences like you're very like a very best friend that one day like betrayed you and you're like how, how could you? Um, so it's like I went in with those biases, but also it's like it wasn't just biases.
Speaker 3:I'm like y'all weren't, y'all didn't fully like me yeah and so I'm like you could feel it yeah, and I like said at one point it's on the show, but they're like you're not a girl's girl.
Speaker 3:I'm like I am a girl's girl, but I'm not your girl that's a good one like because you're not being like, and I'm like Jake is not mad at me, like we could fight so much and I still knew like he was never gonna vote me out. And I think again, it's kind of like using that advantage as a woman of knowing, you know, like a man that you like has the idea of you but hasn't like locked it down, like there's no better like pursuit or loyalty to like the kind of fantasy of you, and that's, I'm sorry, that's basic human psychology and I know I feel like I get in trouble a lot for having that level of awareness because it's like, oh, because she's acting on it, she's manipulative, I'm like I can't turn it off. I have all this information in my brain so it's like I'm going to benefit in it in the sectors where I know.
Speaker 2:The sad part is is like there's other people that have that same experience in other lines of work Right, and they manipulate that, that information.
Speaker 3:So, like girl, you know I'm like it's a, it's a show, so I'm like enjoy that, enjoy the entertainment of it.
Speaker 2:You're smart for education. No one can use that against you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so, anyways, that all wrapped up, jake and I, we I think you know we try to talk afterwards and we're like can this work in the real world? I think we just realized that we're not compatible on both sides. And then, when the show so then, and then I really like distanced myself, I unfollowed him. And then the show is coming out and we see the trailer and like our kiss is in it and I don't know if it was like him, him or me, but or well, we were all in a group chat.
Speaker 3:Some of us, not everyone, some of us were in a group chat and we're like, haha, the trailer, no one's like, oh, julie, jake, and I'm like and I think he was like, hey, we should talk before the show drops, like I feel like he's like what's up? Like you're kind of in, distant, and I was like, oh, yeah, um, and then we kind of like patch things up and we're just like I feel like friends. But it was really hard because Tolu and I have a really strong friendship and they, they are at so at odds for so many different reasons and some of those reasons are valid, of course, and uh, which put me in the middle the same way I felt in the middle on the show because I'm like, okay, well, I have this guy who's like protecting me, but then I have like my best friend being like.
Speaker 3:he is like saying like racist things like now you're in real life progression things so it's like I was kind of in the same predicament where I'm like, even if we're just friends, it's like I have loyalty to my girl, like who is actually my girl now, and and like, but so anyways, um, once him and tolu had like a public fallout. Like we were all interviewed. No one liked the interviews about each other, um, and the articles were were spicy on.
Speaker 1:Both sides.
Speaker 3:So jake really didn't like what tolu said. He made three videos about her and I was like I have to like take my girl's side and I was like I'm on, I'm unfollowing you like I can't see.
Speaker 1:It does sound to you yeah, you're such a girl's girl for the girls that have your back as well. Yeah, and I have to think that, like going on the show, did you notice that, like any of your girlfriends like maybe here in Austin or friends that you had kind of distance themselves from like jealousy, like cause you know you're doing well, you've got a Netflix show?
Speaker 1:You got the bag, girl, yeah, you got the bag, even like coming off the show, like walking away with that money. Did you feel like people were trying to take advantage of that? Like have you pay for dinners, pay for drinks, anything like that?
Speaker 3:Well, we didn't get the money until after the show aired, so I had that whole like year and, by the way, it's all in crypto. So, yeah, it's me for shit. You want some?
Speaker 2:bitcoin yeah I do give me some, I would love some yeah yes, I would if anyone offers you bitcoin.
Speaker 1:I love how this ties into like you being in crypto before even going on the show. Nice tie up. Don't ask me for shit.
Speaker 3:And I'm up. My portfolio's up there's so many ways.
Speaker 2:Your humor keeps coming out and I'm just like. I know it's so good. It's messed up if you used it incorrectly.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, well, that's good self-awareness for me to have, I think, even worse than them distancing themselves. They didn't distance themselves, but would be like that secret hater friend of like undermining you, saying those like like where you can't exactly like full out say it, but you can feel it and it's like those small sentences and I'm like I wish people would, I distance myself. I don't put up with that shit, like so I will distance myself. Um, but yeah, I didn't feel that like no one distanced, but I'm like they made themselves. I was able to like take notes, take information, and then I made subsequent decisions after that.
Speaker 2:And they make it's almost like that effort tries to make you look crazy, but then it's like wait, no, I'm. I'm way more emotionally intelligent than any of this game you want to play.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm very I'm non-reactive. And I think in that regard, like if you're already feeling like jealousy and envious or envy, that is an emotional reaction. So in any of the like kind of I did have some fallouts, but I would say like I was just I'm not doing this and they like flipped out. So I'm like you look stupid.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, did that like also affect your dating. Like once you got back here in Austin, like dating in Austin. Like are you on the dating apps? Like are people recognizing you? Do you feel like they're trying to date you?
Speaker 3:Because you've been on the Netflix show, you've got the bag, you're beautiful, like oh, everyone knows Austin, dating in Austin is crazy, and so obviously it's like I came back and then there was a whole like year before like anything came out. So I was also pretty like emotionally unavailable because I thought I was, I was supposed to film another show in August, or I thought so, didn't. I ended up it fell through. I didn't get it, um. So when I first came back, I was like I'm not trying to like date at all. Then I like kind of was like hmm, this person, like there's no way I'll like fall in love with you, like that's fine, um, and like he didn't care that like I was on a show, like also didn't didn't care about anything, including me, um, so that that probably went on for like too long. Um, I know we talked about like toxic relationships before this yeah so.
Speaker 3:But after that was done and the show came out, I don't know, I'm like, I don't know. I'm not on the apps, I don't. I don't date a lot and I I won't say yes to like a first date. Often I ignore my dms. I'm still emotionally unavailable, so good for you yeah, I just I don't.
Speaker 2:It's not exciting to me yeah, it sounds like there's so many ways you protect your peace yeah honestly. It's like you protect your peace financially. You protect your peace emotionally.
Speaker 3:You protect your peace like just sharing yourself with somebody and I think that has to do with both of those other different segments as well yeah, I mean, I think it's crazy for being an influencer, because in some ways, I think like I seem very like open and I'm sharing a lot, but in like real life, I'm like go sit over there, yeah, I don't, don't touch me, don't like talk to me yeah.
Speaker 1:I think you can share a lot of things but still be like a very guarded person, like people really not know, like a lot of things about you for sure and I think it's funny because I was talking to you about narcissists, because I had been recently dating a guy and I was asking you because I know, you know you have your master's degree in psychology, and I was like I think he's trying to become a client yeah, I'm trying to learn. I'm like um Julie.
Speaker 3:Hey, we could have dated the same guy.
Speaker 1:I know, I know that's what that's what you're saying is like, because I was telling you I'm drawn to narcissists and you were like that's happened to me too. But I was like there was a guy I was dating where I think he was like a true narcissist, where his eyes would like go black, and I'm like I've never experienced that in my life.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, I started getting on TikTok.
Speaker 2:I was like is this a psychopath?
Speaker 3:like I don't. The I thing is so weird, like what drugs you on? I think that is.
Speaker 1:It's like their pupils are so like yeah, open, but yeah, we were saying it's almost like they're not human, like it felt, like I was looking at a demon? I don't know, yeah, yeah, people snapping that anger yeah but do you, do you feel like you've been drawn to like narcissists at all, or yeah?
Speaker 3:I think I'd say it's like my favorite flavor of human. Okay, well, let's get this out. There are some good things, there's some positive qualities about narcissists. They're very charming, they're charismatic, they're they're like kind of sparkly they. They, the ones I've dated are very intelligent, like truly not just pretending. Intelligent, intelligent, successful. They've been entrepreneurial. I love a good chess game. I think no matter who I date, hopefully I'll end up in a healthy relationship and I have belief for myself that I will. But it's like I still need that mental chess and narcissist play. I'm like you're a great chess player. I value that, I think, because they ray on some of that extreme side they're, they're exciting. You can mistake that.
Speaker 2:But also I love how you have this like all listed. Yeah well, I think about it.
Speaker 3:I think about it with myself I think about it quite often, um, and if you grow up in an environment where love was restricted and you had to earn love, a narcissist becomes very addicting. And that's where, like I've gotten judgment before, um, with some of my relationships and like, yeah, but you know psychology and you know all this, I'm like I can cognitively know it, but it would have been impossible for me to come from like I grew up in extreme like abuse and so I'm like to come out of that and not have a messed up attachment style, like people have messed up attachment styles and you know they were, have had divorced parents or maybe, like some experience small emotional neglect. I'm like I, if you're being like physically abused, like you're not going to come out of that. So I'm like there's a part of me that you know with a narcissist you are always going to pick someone who will never choose you. But you can always be in that cycle of like can I prove myself to be chosen and then you also don't feel like fully worthy of being chosen. But it's a very familiar environment.
Speaker 3:I actually had my ex um, the narcissist asked me. He was like, like you know, at this point he was being kind of self-deprecating. But he's like you know, why are you even with me? And I think you want me to like hype him up. He's like why are you even with me? And I'm like because you reaffirm all of my childhood wounds that I'm not good enough it's so self-aware, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I feel like we can be. We can be self-aware and then still be like delusional and like kind of going for the narcissistic people.
Speaker 3:I think. Don't forget, though, that, like I was thinking about this kind of on the drive of yeah, saying you were going to talk about dating, and I do. I will say, though, I think that one of the problems with dating is the level of self-responsibility that we don't have in Austin, I think, is running a little bit rampant. There's a lot of victim behavior of like oh, like my, it was my ex's fault, and and narcissistic abuse is terrible. Like abuse shouldn't happen. However, I'm like where is the line where we do take responsibility from it? And I'm like I see the memes. I make some of the memes. I think they're funny. Um, I get it. I get that. Yeah, there is such humor in honesty and it being like, oh god, like I feel seen.
Speaker 1:However, don't forget that, like you can also choose different, because it's funny to like make fun of our past selves, but to use that to validate your current behavior, it's like cool, then stay stuck yeah right, yeah, I love that, and I think it's interesting too, because I feel like you talk a lot about the way that men and women bond, which is so different.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I was gonna. I wanted to bring this up because roger is here. It's what I love about having amel co-host, because I know you did a video talking about vasopressin. Yes, right, and that's like is that what's released when a man's bonding? Is that what it is, vasopressin?
Speaker 3:yeah, so um, I don't remember. Let me go in the archives of my brain, okay, okay. So yeah, women uh bond mainly through oxytocin and that's released uh, you know it's the cuddle hormone, but also it's like released when you have sex, when you orgasm. So that's why I like really caution women. I'm like this isn't even from like me being approved, but it's like do not sleep with these men, because you will end up attracted. Men do release a level of oxytocin, but they also um release uh, what's, uh, what's the main meal, one that you take steroids for Testosterone?
Speaker 2:Testosterone yes.
Speaker 3:Thank you, I'm not stupid, I knew it no. Testosterone.
Speaker 2:I'm getting my lesson right now.
Speaker 3:So they also release testosterone which blocks a lot of the oxytocin and so, especially when they first have sex with you, in whatever orgasm, they actually like you less because not enough oxytocin is released. However, oxytocin in the body will get released if they have already built up vasopressin. Vasopressin can get released when we solve a challenge, when we in some like in stress that you can solve, but it also is released in like mate guarding behavior. But pretty much they have to like, actually like you, and that has to be and it's the pursuit. Vasopressin is a big like pursuit one. So also I knew this going in again with the trust I'm like even with kissing I'm like the more I like kind of hold off number one because I'm like if we kiss now, this is so much stuff. I I haven't said this in an interview, but I'm like like there was strategy. I'm like if we kiss now, we're gonna have to like keep progressing our relationship.
Speaker 3:Yeah, to like who you know it just has to keep moving forward or else he's gonna like feel rejected. So I'm like I have to like really hold off on this, to like make sure everyone is like playing into my chess game. My, so I can keep being the puppet master sure um.
Speaker 3:So again, I'm like, the longer you wait and the more that there's the pursuit there and that pursuit really has to be there. So there is a huge downside to women sleeping with men way quicker and we're we're not benefiting and like I think there's this, this wave of feminism of like you know, do what you want with your body and do it, but it's like you, we are losing out, like so yeah, it's not trying to do that.
Speaker 1:Isn't vasopressin also released, like when you stress?
Speaker 3:a man out, I think I think, yeah, yeah, so it is, but it's like, um, you know like it should be stressed. Vasopressin is uh best release. It's like stress you can solve. If you're like a chronic pain in the ass and you have like your relationship is just unhealthy, that ends up being a stress you can't solve. And when men have stress they can't solve, then they're releasing cortisol and that the chemicals that are released then will lead to uh like erectile dysfunction, being overweight, depression, anxiety. So that's the kind of difference.
Speaker 3:So if you're like, okay, how can I like stress him out a little bit? It's like, instead of stressing him out, give him a problem that he can like solve. Like have him decide where you go to dinner, even with um like if a man's like parking and I've I've had to do this, it's not good to be like, oh, go park over there, like I really shut up, and it's like you can let him solve the problem of parking, even like they don't like when you step in and like reduces their like masculinity, like let your man park. Don't be like the passenger seat.
Speaker 2:I'm over here getting like tall.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So there's like stuff and I'm like, yeah, I have things to say, but there are kind of like a pick your battles so he can like solve some of those problems. And it's not unhealthy, of course, you can create a trauma bond with someone for sure. But a trauma bond will only work with people who are unhealthy.
Speaker 3:You'll never be able to like. You might be able to keep that person, you to keep that person. You keep them for a long time, but what kind of quality relationship do you want? Um, so if I was trying to get someone to bond with me, I could do that.
Speaker 2:Maybe I would short term well, I look at some bonds that I've had as a man and it's like there's some bonds that I've had where a lot of that, what kept me going back, was that solving of a problem, or like feeling as if I had that answer. And it's, and it might like I'm not one where I'm like, oh, I know all the answers or this or that, but it is addicting, like it really is addicting, where you almost want to help, you almost really want to be a part of somebody that shows like you're activating your masculinity for sure man doesn't do that either.
Speaker 3:Like do not be with him, he is a bad partner. If you kind of give him a problem, he kind of crumbles or like what do you think like?
Speaker 2:bad yeah but then it's like I bulldoze those men.
Speaker 1:That's the same dude in Austin, though I don't know if that's healthy, but I'm like my feminine is not activated, yeah.
Speaker 3:No, yeah, I'm like well, now I have to problem solve because you're a shit problem solver.
Speaker 2:Now I'm mad be that it's the same dude in austin, though that can potentially fall under that like heavy painted coat of like oh, you're just that narcissist. But then there's also versions of like.
Speaker 3:Well, if that is true, this is how it is so this plays into some of that as well okay, so get that.
Speaker 3:This is the polarity. So in traditional masculine, feminine polarity, you would want, if you want to be the masculine, to have your thoughts respected. In the feminine energy, the highest value is to have your feelings cherished. With a narcissist, they want both their thoughts respected and their feelings cherished, while doing neither of it for you. So they're the polarity doesn't exist in there.
Speaker 3:Like to have a truly health I, I believe healthy relationship. The usually it's the man, but can be gender, but one of them has to decide which one do you want to be? So I think, as a woman, when we kind of are those bold dozers or I naturally lean into like masculine, I have to be really careful. In my relationship with a man it's like, well, do I want my thoughts respected or do I want my feelings cherished? And that's hard for me. Like I'm an intelligent, like woman, like I go to and I used to really go to battle and I don't do it anymore because I'm like you can have your thoughts respected, just like I would want, even if I think I'm smarter, and I want my feelings cherished, even if you think I'm fucking crazy and being irrational. So that's what I have chosen, but you'll know if you're with a narcissist when they don't respect your thinking. They won't cherish your feelings and they require both and that's where you kind of get like, like, why, like you are actually the emotional one, why am I?
Speaker 3:like carrying you kind of feeling like I'm doing the masculine work but also like I'm getting nothing out of this shit rock my world.
Speaker 2:I know I'm like, oh, it's a great way to tell not only is it a great way to tell it's like, it's also a great way to lead into our last question which is what's the biggest misconception about you? But now I'm like I'm kind of I'm, I'm tuned into your dating life. Do you have like a really bad dating story you want to share before misconceptions?
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh, I don't know. I was stabbed by an ex one time. What, wait, what, what, wait, what, what? Yeah, that was a while ago. Wait by what? By a butcher knife in my leg. I have like the scar on my leg, but I don't mean to, I'm not laughing at you.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm not laughing at you.
Speaker 1:That's like crazy. I just can't even believe that actually happened. Why?
Speaker 3:He's mad at me. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, is it? We'll just leave it at that for now. Um, but the same part. I jumped out of a moving car to like get away from him too.
Speaker 3:so, okay, I'll take it there. Yeah, I have him. But and well, that story is a little bit more funny, because I remember being like pull over, let me out, and we were like kind of on a dirt road and he's like absolutely not, and I was like kind of like open the door and i's like absolutely not. And I was like kind of like open the door and I'm like he's not going to like call it, like he's not going to call my bluff, and I opened the door and he like keeps driving. And I remember like looking down at the ground and I'm like that doesn't look so bad and I jumped out. But that's literally what inertia is. It's like an object of motion will stay in motion. And then I got up and I like started like running and he was like an athlete, so I got caught in like two seconds. That's kind of funny.
Speaker 1:We all have some of those stories in our closet, you know?
Speaker 3:Yeah maybe I think there's a lot of misconceptions, but I think that will always happen with. I think I have a dynamic personality and like kind of how we started the podcast is because I don't have one box. There will be a lot of things um, I'm sure I've heard a lot of it like the most vile woman on earth. Yeah, I don't even know what people say anymore.
Speaker 2:I think, after just having exposure here to you on this episode, like you are more dynamic than you present yourself to be. You are like so many other things that I think the world really should know.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I mean.
Speaker 3:It's not so good for marketing, though. Like kind of going back to that. Like people don't love always a dynamic character. It's harder to like read across, and I actually think that the producers on the trust wanted to go there with um and this is actually a new thing that they've started to do in movies is presenting this um morally ambiguous character, sure.
Speaker 3:So you have like walter white from breaking bad, denarius targaryen, so this ends up kind of they have like an anti-hero or antagonist, um, characteristics about them, like they have that dark side, but because they have a backstory, you empathize with them and you understand them. So this is newer in media because before, when they try, it's like people are very comfortable with like good versus evil. That's how it should be. People aren't very comfortable with the gray area. So prior to where we're at now, those characters didn't ever perform very well. And now we're like kind of getting to a place where people, I think, are craving more characters that are dynamic and interesting and we like see some of ourselves and now we realize the world isn't like so black and white. I also think it's an intelligence thing of if you really like those characters, you you know that it's like we all make those decisions and it's in the gray. And I do feel, feel, and that's how I feel about myself in general that I was put on the trust because I'm not black or white.
Speaker 3:There's parts where it's like, oh my gosh, she did a bad thing, she manipulated, she lied, but it's like, but I can, I can see why, Like she had to provide for herself and all that. So I think they actually attempted to do that, but it takes. It's actually really hard to do in storytelling when you're writing even a book of how do I like make this character just right, so people like them and they don't, and that it requires time and requires, like a depth of their backstory to be developed. I really like, um, this is like the psychology of storytelling, which I really love yeah obviously um and yeah, so they uh.
Speaker 3:it's kind of a new thing. But yeah, you need a lot of time to develop that story and I don't think it came across so well on a reality show because we don't have enough time. There's not a second season about me, there's only like certain parts. I actually think I got amazing screen time. Very happy with that.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 3:But yeah, so I actually think they were attempting to portray me as ambiguous and kind of this, this gray character, because they had like kind of all good and I don't know, maybe some villains, but some people are just like nah, I'm villain, yeah, yeah, I mean, I see, where they're going with the vision you have a lot to offer and even you just explaining that I think of a movie that I just watched.
Speaker 2:Um, I don't, I'm gonna get the name wrong. I'm actually. I want to get the name wrong because I want to be able to make sure we can use the clip. It's salt, something, I think it's like salt burn yeah when you like them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they do this. Build up, yeah, build up.
Speaker 2:It took it was the entire movie. Yeah and then you get to the end and you're like you're sick, mm-hmm, but like it's like Anakin star or Anakin Skywalker.
Speaker 3:It's kind of like when I'm like I like this guy, but then it's like you know and I don't like the salt burn but it's like he's sick.
Speaker 2:But they give.
Speaker 3:They give you background some of the things that went on yeah, and you're like I don't, I would never now we have full movies about the villain like the joker, like yeah it's like, yeah, you're doing all this bad thing, but it's like that's the main character. Yeah, there's part of you that gets it.
Speaker 2:Yeah you the joker. You hear people making fun of the guy he's. He deals with a, a disease, and like abuse of mom yeah, I think that's what's hard too, though, because you have, like main character, energy.
Speaker 1:Oh, you just do yeah, you, you like come in a room and you like light it up, so yeah, well, thank you so much for coming on our pod. Before I let roger close it out, where can people find you on like social media?
Speaker 3:Yes, I'm on all the social medias you can find me on. You pretty much type my name in Julie Tice T-H-E-I-S, but I'm Julie Tice official on Instagram, Julie Tice on TikTok, Julie Lynn Tice on Snapchat. I might combine them, but I was.
Speaker 1:I was. I was going to give you a hard time when you said you were on Snapchat. No but you know what?
Speaker 3:Snapchat is the highest paying creator fund right now I made. I did a podcast before this one that came out before I was on it and I was like we're making, we're roasting Snapchat, we're like this is for like people who can't grow up and but Snapchat is like the nicest one to me. Everyone's so nice on Snapchat. I'm like I hate you guys on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 2:And they pay. As you said, the people are nice and it's almost like a younger generation.
Speaker 1:They give you crystals. Yeah, what?
Speaker 2:I need to get back on.
Speaker 3:Snapchat. You have to be a creator, though. Oh, I'll create something. I know, whenever I put something out there that doesn't give me crystals, I'm like where am?
Speaker 2:I, why did I do this does?
Speaker 1:that convert to bitcoin exactly yeah we'll see.
Speaker 3:Yeah, can I have bitcoin instead of crystals?
Speaker 2:well, we want everybody to come back next week.
Speaker 3:This episode has been awesome it's a pleasure to meet you guys uh, julie, the h is silent, very similar to nice.
Speaker 2:so, julie, tice t Uh, very, it was a pleasure to have you. Thanks, I want everybody to come back next week because we know it's going down.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thanks, guys, this is good, this was so good.
