Reactivity vs. Grounding

Dr. Jennifer Konzen joins us in this fascinating episode as we explore the sacred space between life's stimuli and our reactions. Jennifer teaches us how to honor our initial feelings and thoughts while ultimately responding based on our values and who we want to be before God.

About the Speaker:
Dr. Konzen is the director for the Center for Sexuality in San Diego, CA. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist, a certified sex therapist, and a certified chemical dependency counselor. She is also a two-time nationally award-winning researcher, an international speaker, and an adjunct professor in San Diego at Bethel Seminary and Alliant International University, and online at Rocky Mountain School of Ministry and Theology.  Dr. Konzen is the author of The Art of Intimate Marriage and Redeemed Sexuality and the newly released The Ransomed Journey: Couples Recovery from Addiction. Jennifer lives with her family in beautiful San Diego, California where she has been involved with shepherding and leading in the married and youth and family ministries.

Episode Notes:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom” - Viktor Frankl

"People want to be able to genuinely express what they think or feel from a place that does not feel out of control."

Scriptures: 

• 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NIV - When we have distressed emotions we can remember that we have a compassionate God. 
• Isaiah 63:9- "In all their distress, he too was distressed" - God sits beside us in our distress, He doesn't wag His finger in our distress. 

2 Corinthians 10:5- "Take every thought captive"- this scripture is used out of context very often; this isn't about your emotions and thoughts. 

We can respond based on our values instead of our initial, emotional reactions

Stewarding the Sacred Space: 

• Before we can respond based on our values, we have to soothe psychologically if we are highly triggered. 
• Adrenaline floods the body when we are activated in .05 seconds; it takes about 20 minutes for adrenaline to calm back down.

Let the feelings talk:

• God is kind enough to give us the space to sit with our emotions and let them talk for a minute before we try to either squash them or give them full vent. 
• Give yourself time to honor your feelings and reactions but ultimately responding to life's stimuli based on your values and who you want to be.
• "I can feel myself getting reactive to this, I want to be able to share this with you in the best way possible- can I come back and try again later?"

Blame Game: Isaiah 58:9-10: “do away...with the pointing finger..."

Ephesians 4:15 - Speak the truth in love.

Psalm 16:8

Jen's Recommended Resources:

• Book: Emotionally Healthy Spirituality  
• Book: The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry
• ACT: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Resources – Hayes, Harris
• Russ Harris Videos on YouTube
• Podcast: theartofintimatemarriage.com
• Retreats: 
  • Alaska Retreats
  • Sabbath Rest