Carrying Grief & Loss

“Grief is not a problem to solve, it’s an experience to be carried.” In this episode, LaShanda Milner joins the podcast to discuss helpful tools & perspective for navigating our individual grief journeys. God desires to walk with us through our grief and He creates space to bear compassionate witness to our pain. We’re invited to create space to do so as well.  

About the Speaker  

LaShanda Milner serves as a Bereavement Coordinator for Crossroads Hospice and Palliative Care providing grief education and support to individuals and families. LaShanda is passionate about walking alongside bereaved as they navigate the unknowns of many different types of losses. LaShanda also serves as the MO/KS Director of Crossroads Kids; an annual grief camp for children ages 6-12 that offers a therapeutic environment for kids to grieve and grow! LaShanda is a dedicated wife of 23 years to Rob Milner and has two amazing children, Jaydin and Marcel.  LaShanda has a MA in Counseling and is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. She is a woman of deep faith with a mission to help others.

Episode Notes 

“You’ve kept track of all my wandering and my weeping. You’ve stored my many tears in your bottle—not one will be lost. For they are all recorded in your book of remembrance.” (Psalm 56:8)

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” -Vicki Harrison

*Loving Kindness Mediation*

Grief Defined

• The normal and natural reaction to a loss of any kind
• Conflicting feelings caused by the change in a familiar pattern of behaviors (can be non-death losses- lay-off, divorce, loss of safety, etc) 
• Grief is very unique to the individual 

Reactions

• We can normalize the symptoms of grief -physical, emotional, mental
• Fatigue
• Can be a range- Helpless, hopeless, lonely,  even relief. None are bad. 

Coping 

• Practice self-care & creative expression
• You feel how you feel- don’t try to get yourself over anything 
• HALT- hungry, angry, lonely, tired
• Take a moment to get in tune with your body. Journal, exercise, run- ask a friend to check in with you. 

Support 

• If you’re supporting someone in grief, the HUSH acronym is helpful when choosing your words… 
  • Is what I’m about to say… Helpful, Useful, Sincere, Honoring 
• Do’s & Don’ts- 
  • Do- share your sentiments, your desire to be there for them
  • Don’t- use phrases that could incite shame or guilt cycles 

Meaning 

• “Some things cannot be fixed; they can only be carried. Grief like yours, love like yours, can only be carried.…” (Megan Devine- It's OK That You're Not OK)
• Making meaning VERSUS Creating Meaning 
• Not trying to make sense or comprehend an existential lesson from the loss, but rather cultivating something positive to honor the loss as your move forward. 

Psalm 23:4-  “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me...”

“Those who walk the fields to sow, casting their seed in tears, will one day tread those same long rows, amazed by what’s appeared.” Psalm 126:5 The Voice