One woman's path to overcome abuse and addiction

In this episode of Grieving Out Loud, Angela Kennecke talks with Elaine Mingus about her journey through severe challenges and eventual recovery. Elaine shares her story of surviving sexual abuse and battling depression, an eating disorder, and a substance use disorder. Her experiences highlight the power of resilience and the importance of finding hope even in the darkest times.

Elaine describes her upbringing in an upper-middle-class Christian family and how internal and external pressures worsened her struggles. She discusses the trauma of being sexually abused by a youth pastor and the blame she faced, which led to deep depression and bulimia. A pivotal spiritual experience helped her turn her life around and find a path to recovery, demonstrating the crucial role faith played in her healing process.

Angela and Elaine delve into Elaine's ongoing challenges and triumphs over addiction and trauma. They emphasize the importance of sharing stories of overcoming adversity to inspire others. This episode reminds us that no matter how difficult the journey, there is always hope and a way forward.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Angela Kennecke: Whether facing debt, a difficult divorce, or a battle with addiction, it can sometimes feel like everything is working against you and there's no way out. Who can't relate to that feeling? Well, our guest today is is courageously sharing her journey through sexual abuse and substance use disorder to remind us that even in the darkest of times, there was always hope and a path to healing.

[00:00:31] Elaine Mingus: It's essential that we continue to tell our story of overcoming so the next generation realizes that there is beauty in the darkness. And that they can continue going 

[00:00:42] Angela Kennecke: in this episode of Grieving Out Loud Hear Elaine Mingus story of battling depression and eating disorder and substance use disorder after being sexually abused at a young age.

[00:00:53] Elaine Mingus: I was groomed and taken advantage of by a adult. youth pastor. And when I was found, my father told the man to leave and then struck me and accused me of acting inappropriately. And so when I internalize that as I was to blame, you know, I'm the victim, but yet I'm to blame. I'm Angela

[00:01:24] Angela Kennecke: Kennecke and you're listening to grieving out loud. If you're struggling, we want to remind you that you are not alone. You can find a list of resources on our website, emilyshope. charity.

Elaine, it is just an honor to meet you. Thank you for joining me on Grieving Out Loud. 

[00:01:48] Elaine Mingus: Thank you so much for having me. I am thrilled to be here. 

[00:01:51] Angela Kennecke: I've been doing a little research on you. You have a fascinating life. I mean, just fascinating. You are doing a million and one things and you've done a million and one things.

I want to talk about all of those things. But of course on this podcast, we really do deal with addiction, substance use disorder, why people use substances. Oftentimes we talk about how people find recovery and why. So I'm excited to delve in to your story involving that. 

[00:02:19] Elaine Mingus: Yeah. 

[00:02:19] Angela Kennecke: I have a lot to say on that topic.

Well, great. So you live in Texas. You grew up in Texas. You're a Texas girl. I am. Born and bred. Okay, you don't have that Texas drawl, though I don't hear it. 

[00:02:30] Elaine Mingus: Yeah, I think that that's true. My dad did a lot of international business and did a lot of business, so maybe I just picked up on something else.

[00:02:41] Angela Kennecke: Elaine grew up in an upper middle class Christian family with her father working as an attorney. You may think this background could shield her from life's challenges, such as drug addiction, but Elaine says that's not the case. 

[00:02:55] Elaine Mingus: My dad had won a very sizable lawsuit when I was young and we were always very comfortable even before that, but definitely comfortable after that.

And I think that there maybe is a certain type of pressure that comes with people who are living in families that are, you know, really high D, overachieving type people. And you kind of internalize that pressure and think, Oh, I have to perform at the level of a 40 year old or a 50 year old, but I'm only, you know, 16, 17.

And that's, that's a lot of pressure. On the children of, you know, the nineties, I can't even imagine what it's like today seeing the pressure or the things that they see online and how much, Oh, I have to be a YouTube star. I have to be beautiful. I have to have, you know, a certain amount of followers. And that type of pressure is now affecting everybody in all different socioeconomic situations, 

[00:03:47] Angela Kennecke: right?

Because every person cannot have all those things. I mean, it's impossible, right? Oh, And just being a normal person, even mediocrity is okay, but it just seems like it's not acceptable 

[00:03:59] Elaine Mingus: anymore. Right, right. And you know, I love that when I read comments and social media, when it's a woman who's just like, I want to stay home and I want to have babies and I want to make dinner for my husband, that there's a lot of push of like, Oh, I can't believe you're doing that.

But then there's a lot of people that are like, why is this not celebrated? Why can't we celebrate us just sitting there in our messy homes? Making dinner, making Play Doh, getting dirty, and going to the park. That's beautiful too. And so I love a little bit of the pushback that I'm seeing in the comment section than a lot of social media posts.

[00:04:30] Angela Kennecke: Well, let's talk about your history. So you were pretty young when you had a very traumatic event happen to you. And I think it's not just always about the traumatic event. It's also about the way it's handled. Right? 

[00:04:46] Elaine Mingus: I was groomed and taken advantage of by an adult youth pastor. And when I was found. My father told the man to leave and then struck me and accused me of acting inappropriately.

And so when I internalized that as I was to blame, you know, I'm the victim, but yet I'm to blame. And then when my mother took me to the church to kind of tell the pastor, the main pastor, what had happened. Again, it was confirmed that I, the victim, was actually considered the perpetrator, that it was my fault, and that an 11 year old had seduced a grown man that had been put in position of authority over me and should have been protecting me.

And so, you know, kind of a double whammy in the middle of being, you know, it's really the worst part of your life when you're in middle school, that you're figuring out who you are. I mean, I have seven kids, and. I would do high school all day long. I do toddlers even all day long. Middle school is a horror show because they don't know who they are.

They're breaking away from who you are. And then in the middle of that, I was kind of reinforced this awful belief. I was responsible for something that I completely was not responsible for. 

[00:06:07] Angela Kennecke: Because you were a girl, right? A woman, young woman. Yep. Yeah. And it's horrible to think that somebody with authority over a child could get away with something like that.

But this person did. Yeah. 

[00:06:21] Elaine Mingus: And then not only was I, you know, my father acted poorly and, and I don't mean to defend him because he wasn't overly, you know, violent. I think he just was so shocked that his young daughter was in a situation and just, I mean, he really, he had problems and he's gone through lots of therapy and he's a wonderful person then, and he's even more of a wonderful person now, but you know, he just reacted really poorly.

And I'm not trying to make excuses for him, but what he should have done is beat the shit out of the guy. I mean, the guy was a grown man. He wouldn't have got Like, no court would have been upset that you would have punched out a guy that was in the same room with your 11 year old daughter naked. 

[00:07:02] Angela Kennecke: Gosh.

And you know, I think part of it is the time that this happened in, right? People knew a lot less and people didn't talk about these things the way they do now. We've had so much come out about, you know, Of course, the Catholic Church and many other churches have things happening like this. 

[00:07:17] Elaine Mingus: Yeah. Yeah. And I think that you're right that he was just so taken aback.

It's also like your worst fear of like, Oh my gosh, my baby is, you know, you're already upset that they're becoming a woman and it's awkward as you're seeing them grow and develop. But then now you're like, it's confirmed. And it's just, I can't imagine how that affected him, but I know he handled it wrong.

Yeah. Yeah. And it deeply affected me, and he was the adult in the situation. Right. Did he ever apologize to you, your dad? So we actually just had a huge breakthrough, and he never apologized until just recently, actually. And so it got very ugly really quickly, and I felt in my heart that God had told me, wait till Sunday.

And I was like, you know, whatever. And Sunday comes around and I had already blocked him because I was just so mad. I mean, we've usually had a pretty good relationship, but you know, it's kind of very, that cursory, like not very deep, very like emotionless, just facts and maybe some, you know, theological discussions.

And he called my sister and said, you have to contact Elaine and tell her to take my, I am, I am broken. He said, I went to church and he said, I was laid bare before the Lord. Just, I was naked before him. And I realized how awesome that was. It was for you, my actions at you growing up. And so he had a really sweet moment of, you know, coming to Jesus moment.

He was already a Christian, but coming to Jesus moment where he was like, God was like, no, you are completely in like, and I think he thought that because so much time had passed, everything was okay. And that he had like dealt with it. And I was like, you had dealt with it. Maybe you went to, cause he had gone to therapy.

You had dealt with it, but you never let me in on that. You know, one of the things I always say is like, make sure you're apologizing to your children for your own mistakes because I never got that. And so just recently I got an apology and it was a heartfelt one. And now I have to make the decision to move on.

So whenever I feel those pain and those feelings of anger towards him for what he did. I have to say he apologized, and there's really no more that he can do other than me just making the choice to move forward and be healed and realize that this is just part of my story and that he is sorry.

[00:09:40] Angela Kennecke: But it's been quite a journey for Elaine to get to that place. She says at 11 years old, she internalized all those feelings of blame and shame. 

[00:09:51] Elaine Mingus: So I probably went from the abuse. And then that turned into an eating disorder that was very destructive and self harm type of actions. No cutting, just the eating disorder, but the eating disorder itself is a form of self harm.

And I think part of it was this internal need to dispel the darkness that I had within me, the shame and the blame and the guilt. And I was trying to do it in a very physical manner when it was a really, it was more of a spiritual, emotional thing. You know, as a Christian, I believe that there's absolutes, there's sin in the world, all the things.

But I like to call sin coping mechanisms because really when we are completely aligned with who God has created us to be, we'll act right. But when we have such a root of bitterness and shame and guilt, we obviously won't act right. It's polluting the whole of the waters. And so me having an eating disorder was just an example of me not being in alignment with the truth.

Amen. And so it was just coping with the pain in a way that I knew how to cope with it, given my information at the time as an 11 year old, a 12 year old. And so that in itself, you know, of course, on top of Kate Moss being the highlight of the 90s and modeling, I wanted to model and I remember watching TV and I think a Calvin Klein commercial came on.

And I was eating like peanut butter and corn pops and, you know, just digging the spoon in and just sitting there like happy little, you know, as happy as I could be afterwards watching Saturday morning cartoons and just decided I want to be thin and I've already eaten this so I've got to get rid of it.

And that started down a really ugly path and when you start seeing the accolades that come along with weight loss, it perpetuates it. You're like, Oh, well now people are recognizing, Oh, I'm thin and the world already says that. But now actually in my real life, people are telling me, Oh, Elaine, what are you doing?

Oh my goodness, you're so thin. 

[00:11:53] Angela Kennecke: Elaine, people were saying that to me after my daughter died and I lost weight because of death, you know, feeling miserable and the public was like, you look so great. And I'm like, well, it's the death diet. It's not so great. So, you know, but you do, you're right. Women especially get affirmations if they lose weight, even if you're not heavy to begin with, doesn't matter.

Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:12:13] Elaine Mingus: Not commenting on somebody's weight loss because you don't know what they're doing to get that place and you don't want to reaffirm that. And it's hard. I mean, obviously I'm going to comment on somebody's weight loss if I know they've been actively, they've been posting on social media that they're working out, I'm going to, you know, say, Oh my gosh, you're looking great.

But it sets a fine line because you do want to tell people they look wonderful, but you also, you don't know what you're reconfirming. 

[00:12:37] Angela Kennecke: Are you passionate about keeping kids safe and informed? Emily's Hope is proud to introduce our K 5 Substance Use Prevention Curriculum. Designed to educate young minds about substance use.

about the dangers of substance use, this engaging program lays the foundation for a healthy future. Visit emilyshopedu. org to learn more and help bring this vital resource to your local schools. Encourage your school administrators and counselors to explore our curriculum today. It's part of our mission.

Together, we can make a difference.

Elaine struggled with bulimia all through her high school years, but that's not all. To cope with her depression, anxiety, and shame, she also turned to sex and drugs. 

[00:13:27] Elaine Mingus: My mom, I think, had suspicions. Maybe a couple other close friends had suspicions, but you know, you're a really good liar when you want to get things hidden.

And, you know, I started doing drugs. And I think it wasn't until I started doing heroin that my bulimia kind of tapered off because I was throwing so much up when you shoot up heroin, you have an 

[00:13:48] Angela Kennecke: immediate reaction. So what led you to heroin exactly? Because that's always been a question for me with my daughter, because I didn't even know upon her death that she was using heroin.

I mean, I was naive, I guess, enough to think she was using marijuana and Xanax. My mind wouldn't even go heroin. 

[00:14:03] Elaine Mingus: To that heart of a substance, 

[00:14:05] Angela Kennecke: for sure. 

[00:14:06] Elaine Mingus: So I started using heroin on a whim, really. I mean, we are already you know, snorting coke. I mean, it just kind of escalated, you know, it was cigarettes to alcohol to pot to LSD to the occasional coke usage.

And then, you know, I moved out of the house and it's like, well, I'm just going to try all the things. It's like you're creating a collection. You're just going to try all the things. Like, I'm going to try all the things. Which one's my favorite? And heroin, unfortunately, unlike even some of the other drugs, is like immediately.

I mean, I've got to get more of that. That was awesome. I mean, so awesome that you're like, I mean, you're violently throwing up while you're high and you're like, you don't even care. I mean, the hormones and the chemicals that go off in your brain during that time are so strong that nothing could really kind of parallel to that.

And so one person, he had already been addicted and gotten off. And he actually told me later on, it was one of his greatest regrets that he had introduced me to heroin because he knew the addictive power of it. As soon as we did it, I mean, we were doing it every time I came together with him specifically, I was like, wait, can we do some heroin?

And he would actually be like, okay, not today. Like let's wait till tomorrow. And luckily at that moment when it was really starting to ramp up is when, you know, I walked into a church and everything changed from there. What happened? So I have always wanted to be a writer. My dream was to I live in New York, write books.

I loved Connie Chung. I wanted to be a news anchor, you know, investigative reporter. 

[00:15:45] Angela Kennecke: I did all those things. Yeah. 

[00:15:47] Elaine Mingus: Yeah. And so, you know, I, I had this drive to write. And so I was writing a book that was kind of apocalyptic because part of my story is when I was in church, I went to a conference called Dawson McAllister's called Jesus is coming or something like that.

And they kind of introduced us to the concept that Jesus is coming back, the, you know, world is going to end and antichrist is coming. And so when I was not really walking in my faith, I was like still enamored with this idea. And so I started writing a book and it was kind of strange because like things that I would write then like would happen a couple days later.

And so I thought that's kind of weird, like, and so I wanted to do more research, but I had left my little pink Bible at home with the cartoon pictures in it. And so I was like, Oh, I've got to go get a Bible. Popped a hit of X, drove around, and found a church, walked in, and I had completely like dressed, I don't even know, I was, I guess I was kind of eccentric, I had my Doc Martens on, I had, you know, this big bouffant black ballerina skirt with this leather bodice and I'd cut part of the ballerina skirt out to make like a veil, blood red lipstick, so I walk into this church like looking like the Bride of Satan, just laying a Bible, and I guess cause part of me has always been kind of like weird fashion, and Which makes sense now that I'm doing pageantry and doing a lot of fashion stuff.

But I walked in and the two little old ladies that were standing there looked at me like, What has just walked in? And I kind of just demanded like, I need a Bible. And they walked back in to get a Bible, and I always joke that it was probably for their own protection that they walked together. They just kind of left me there in the foyer.

While they're in the back, I take the chapel doors and they're like, you know, it's like a Lutheran church. So that beautiful, ornate architecture shake the chapel doors, which are locked. And I'm thinking that's so not okay to lock the chapel. Like you're like locking Jesus out from the world. And so when they came back with my Bible, I was like, I just want to go in the chapel.

I'm thinking beautiful architecture. Like, I'm not thinking I'm fixing to open the door and walk straight into heaven. And they opened the doors, and one of the things that they said is, Why? And I said, Well, I just need to pray. And so I walked in, and it was this beautiful wooden, hand carved crucifix of Jesus hanging.

And at the moment that I saw that crucifix, I thought, I am a sinner, but it's okay. Because this man right here already has hung on a cross and died for my sins, and everything is forgiven. And it was just like, I didn't even know I needed, needed that. I needed that cleansing. For And because I wasn't looking for it, so I walk in and pray, you know, stay there for me.

I don't even know. I was tripping on X. So I don't, I mean, I wasn't really fully tripping on X, but you were under the influence of drugs. Yeah. I had taken some. I don't know if it wasn't a good hit because it never really felt like it took full effect, which may have been, you know, just God kind of shutting off that facet of my brain or it was just bad drugs.

I'm not really sure. But after that, once you realize what you've been missing, the counterfeits don't. Work anymore. So you stopped doing 

[00:18:58] Angela Kennecke: drugs because of this spiritual experience? 

[00:19:00] Elaine Mingus: Yeah. Stopped everything. I gave up all drugs. It was hard to give up cigarettes, so I did have to struggle through not smoking anymore.

[00:19:08] Angela Kennecke: But you didn't go through withdrawals from heroin? You didn't go through severe withdrawals? 

[00:19:13] Elaine Mingus: Nothing. Wow. 

[00:19:14] Angela Kennecke: Nothing. That's unusual. Now, most people do need, you know, some medically assisted treatment and counseling and all of these things, but you didn't, 

[00:19:23] Elaine Mingus: yeah, it was immediate. I was just like, I don't need any of that anymore because I've, you know, when you've walked in darkness for so long and then someone turns on the light, you're like,

[00:19:38] Angela Kennecke: Even though Elaine's faith wavered during her teenage years, she says she never directed her anger toward God for the sexual assault. 

[00:19:47] Elaine Mingus: I knew that humans made mistakes. And it was just such a distinction. That I didn't even realize was probably a real blessing because I never did blame God. 

[00:19:58] Angela Kennecke: What happened to the youth pastor who sexually abused you?

[00:20:02] Elaine Mingus: So he went on to get a job at a Christian high school as a volleyball coach and continued to do the same thing. And he was already doing it to a couple people when I was young. And that's how it started. Those relationships went a lot further than they went with me, but he continued to do it the same age and was later convicted from one of those things.

And it was considered his first offense. 

[00:20:26] Angela Kennecke: Because you never filed a police report. Yeah. While Elaine was able to give up, drugs at just 19 years old. She says overcoming her eating disorder was more difficult. 

[00:20:40] Elaine Mingus: Once I stopped the drugs, my bulimia came back full force because there were still things, emotional and mental things that I had to deal with.

And I spent about a year going to church, coming home, throwing up, praying, crying, I'm so sorry, you know, just all the things like I want to get past this, but I didn't know how to get past it on my own. And so eventually I reached out to my mom and I was just like, you've got to put me like in a inpatient clinic.

I just need to, you know, be away from the world. And she said, absolutely not. She says, you need to deal with the world. As it comes, I'm going to put you in an outpatient clinic. And the moment that we signed the papers for the clinic, I never threw up again. And I went through an insane amount of healing, learned how to, Re eat, learned how it's a cyclical thing.

The more that you starve yourself, the more you're hungry, then you overeat and then you feel bad, so you throw up. I did a ton, a ton of healing during that time. And I wish I could say that everything just always is peachy rosy when you find faith, but it's probably the start of when the problems all begin, because then you realize, oh my gosh, I'm a human and I'm full of so much problems that need fixing.

And so it wasn't that I was dealing with these physical outward, you know, manifestations of being unhealed. I was dealing more of like emotional. So I went into therapy and even after having seven kids, I've had to work on myself in my 40s, who I am as a grown woman versus who I was, you know, because I was 22 when I got married and 23 when I had my first kid.

So I didn't spend very much time just as an adult by myself. And so in my 40s, I've had to revisit. Things that maybe needed healing or that things that had grown back, you know, a little bit stronger than I wanted to. My pregnancies all healed me a little bit more from my residual thoughts of like thin, good, bad, you know, so I did healing, but I've had to deal with some even in my 40s.

Now I'm in a new era of my life and how do I deal with my aging, you know, I'm starting to get crow's feet and my beauty is leaving, not leaving, but you know, it's aging. It's changing, yeah, it changes. It's vintage. It's fine. Why? You know, it's getting better, but it's different and reprogramming my brain that that's beautiful too.

And accepting myself who I am as I am. 

[00:23:01] Angela Kennecke: Yeah, I think all women, all women, it's a universal struggle, right? But you mentioned a couple of times you have seven children. So what age to what age? 

[00:23:09] Elaine Mingus: Yeah. So my six year old is my youngest and my 20 year old is my oldest and she's out of the house, but we still have.

I have six children at home that we homeschool and my husband stays with me. We have a vintage furniture business called Curb Bulger that we run out of the house and so we're able to be with our children full time. Sometimes it's a blessing, sometimes not so much. They're a big handful. Actually, the six year old is currently coming back from the minor emergency because he stabbed himself with a pencil.

Oh no. 

[00:23:39] Angela Kennecke: Well, what's up for your experiences, you know, with sexual abuse, with drug use, with bulimia? Yeah. What messages do you try to convey to your own children, or what do you watch out for in them? 

[00:23:52] Elaine Mingus: Yeah, that's a great question. I have the oldest, which I always call the guinea pig child, so I probably overreacted in the way that I taught her about how to view men, how to view situations, to the point where at some point she was scared to walk to the mailbox because she was scared someone's going to just pick her up and take her away.

You know, I learned how to kind of scale that back as I continued to parent, and We don't do sleepovers. We may allow exceptions to certain people, but we do that not just for the protection of our children, but for the protection of our family and the reputation of our family, because, you know, you don't know what people, especially they've gone through children that have been abused themselves, you know, they could accuse my husband or they could accuse my sons.

I don't want that to happen. So we are very, very, almost no sleepovers. And, My daughter recently called me as she was at a sleepover, the 20 year old, and said, Mom, I am so glad you never let us have sleepovers. I am at a sleepover with 10 girls. And she said, I am the only one that doesn't have a horror story.

Wow. And I was like, proof goes in the pudding there that so many people were approached inappropriately or felt scared somehow by a brother, a brother's friend, a father, or just were open to seeing things that they shouldn't have seen. 

[00:25:12] Angela Kennecke: Yeah. Yeah. And so you're also on the pageant circuit that you mentioned.

What are you running for? 

[00:25:20] Elaine Mingus: So this weekend I am running for Mrs. Texas International, which I'm really excited because this is my fourth pageant. My last pageant, I placed third runner up. This is my fourth pageant, but it's the first pageant that I'll go into that's more platform based. And so my platform is Be The Light Overcoming Through Storytelling, where I encourage people by telling my own story, but also empowering people to realize that their story matters and that it's Essential that we continue to tell our stories of overcoming so the next generation realizes that there is beauty in the darkness and that they can continue going.

I also offer practical tools, online, downloadable. Workbooks and courses that teach you to show up well online visually because I'm a graphic designer and a marketing person and social media person. So I'm super excited because this is my power place where I'm able to encourage people to share their story and also be able to share my story.

I 

[00:26:17] Angela Kennecke: love your platform. Do you think that pageants perpetuate though that those you were talking about those standards for women, you know, having to cope with body image or aging or any of these things? Right. 

[00:26:29] Elaine Mingus: I think for some people it could, for sure. I have found a life healing, a lot of self discovery in pageantry.

There are pageant systems that are a lot more beauty focused, and in pageantry, there's its own set of politics, for sure. But from my own experience, especially in the Mrs. division, because you're talking about women that are CEOs, I mean, philanthropists, I mean, they are doing amazing things. And so that's more focused on the who you are part.

I can't speak for the Miss division because I'm not in that. I think that it will bring out whatever is inside of you. And so if there is that need for acceptance or that like, Oh my gosh, I've got to be the skinniest. It could potentially bring that out, but it doesn't have to, it's just a tool, just like anything else that we use, whether it be social media or TV, it could be used for good or for evil.

[00:27:20] Angela Kennecke: I think it's wonderful. Especially if you're talking about your. drug use because what's out there today, obviously is so frightening. You know, if my daughter had been experimenting or doing some of the things she was doing back in the nineties, I'd probably still have her here. And she could have had a moment like you had of healing.

That's not allowed in today's world with fentanyl everywhere. 

[00:27:41] Elaine Mingus: Yeah. I mean, we live in a small town and we have had our multiple police reports just in the last two weeks of fentanyl overdoses. And I have just, yeah. Continue to keep an open conversation with my kids and being like, look, I'm sorry, you don't know what drugs are inside those drugs, you think, and so please just stay away because it's just not worth it.

And they've obviously heard my story multiple times and, you know, we're trying to keep them as whole and healthy as possible, but. There are some kids that just love to touch that electric fence. So, you know, if I had had one kid, you would have thought, I would have been like, I am such the perfect parent.

I mean, she has turned out so well. And then even my second and my third ish, my fourth, I'm just like all the gas. I know nothing. 

[00:28:26] Angela Kennecke: They challenge you for sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely a thing. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and you also have a very successful vintage furniture business. You mentioned it allowed you to work from home and homeschool your kids.

How did that 

[00:28:38] Elaine Mingus: start? So we have always kind of struggled financially since the beginning. My dad sent me up, you know, with the trust fund and that allowed me to buy a house and pay, you know, the payments on the HOA fees. But eventually that ran out and so we're very blessed and I can't even imagine what it's like to be struggling in your adulthood and then, you know, not have some sort of setup because I mean, we definitely would not be living in a house at this point if we had gone through what we went through.

So I'm thankful for my father for that, but my husband grew up with a heroin addicted father. And so he was the first of his five brothers to go to college and he has done so well, but there's just a place. Where the financial acumen is lacking when you're a first generation, you know, trying to succeed.

And I think that's huge. Are you a first generation Christian? Are you a first generation financial wealth person? A first generation business person? Because second generation take things for granted. They grew up around things. That's a huge advantage. Just information that they have that you wouldn't even know you had until someone says, I don't, I don't know that.

And so I spent a long time getting in line at the WIC office and food stamps. And because, you know, my dad didn't come in and, you know, save the day, I'm married now. And so he had a job, we both have degrees, and he finally was making it up. We were like, Oh, well, we're going to take this vacation. Our one oldest was fixing to move out of the house.

And our, you know, we'd never gone on a plane. And so I was like, how about we go to Hawaii? And for the first time, my husband's like, Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. And he never says, Yeah. So I was like, Oh my gosh. So I planned the most frugal trip to Hawaii, two weeks, you know, nine people, and it cost 10, 000.

And so, I mean, if you start doing the math, you start realizing, Oh my goodness, like, how did that even happen? And the biggest expense, honestly, was the 15 passenger van that we had to rent because there were so many of us. And we came back, though, to 10, 000 of debt. And we are not a debt. We just try not to, you know, be in debt.

That's a struggle we don't want to be. And I was super depressed and I was like, Oh my gosh, what are we going to do? Crying. I'm listening to Warren Daigle on repeat. And I just had this idea when I was driving past a piece of furniture I saw on the side of the road. I don't need that, but I could sell that on Facebook Marketplace and make 80 bucks.

And so that's what I did. And I did it over and over and over again for six months until I paid 10, 000 off of, you know, worth of debt off. And within our first e commerce year, we cleared 100, 000 in sales. It was just the right place, the right time, because it was during COVID. People were trying to redo their houses.

Everything was closed. People were putting stuff on the street because Goodwill and all their donation sites were closed. And they still wanted to redo stuff, and I did contactless pickup, put stuff on porch pickup. Venmo was kind of becoming a thing, but people were putting cash under the mat. It just worked out all in our favor, and When everybody else was really financially unstable, we were like, Oh my gosh, we are swimming.

And this is the first time in, in, you know, 20 years that we had any money. So, you know, I 

[00:31:46] Angela Kennecke: was like, I can go to Starbucks every day. Also that's not easy work. I have redone furniture and it's not easy work. Let's point that out. 

[00:31:54] Elaine Mingus: No, I definitely did. I, I worked hard, but you know, when you love your job, it doesn't feel like work.

So 

[00:32:00] Angela Kennecke: that's true. That's true. Well, I'm so happy for your success and thank you so much for sharing your story and your journey with us. I, I know our audience will appreciate it. Thank you. 

[00:32:11] Elaine Mingus: Yeah, I really appreciate it. I've really enjoyed this. 

[00:32:16] Angela Kennecke: And thank you for listening to this episode of Grieving Out Loud.

If you found it helpful, please just take a moment to rate and review our podcast, Grieving It really helps us further our mission to raise awareness about the nation's deadly fentanyl crisis while reducing the stigma surrounding substance use disorder and getting people into treatment they desperately need.

Thank you for listening. Until next time, wishing you faith, hope, and courage.

This podcast is produced by Casey Wunderberg King and Ana Fy.