Living Forward
Living Forward
The Road Warrior and the Jet Setter
We've got a new episode and a new microphone setup. We're loving the upgraded sound quality.
We start with more "owies", telling you about Barbara's recent car accident, caused by a loose dog. Shout out to airbags and seatbelts!
Next, Teja takes us to Tokyo for his pandemic-delayed high school reunion. Reconnecting with classmates from around the world revived the unique dynamics of their close-knit international group. Teja also reflects on how Tokyo has evolved into a cosmopolitan hub while maintaining its distinct Japanese charm, blending global influences seamlessly into everyday life.
In our final chapter, we challenge listeners to create a Living Forward dance for Instagram. Will anyone take us up on it? @wearelivingforward
See you in the episode!
We're using a new microphone today.
Teja:Does it sound better.
Barbara:Yeah, we're playing around.
Teja:Are you sounding better?
Barbara:Am I sounding better?
Teja:Are you sounding better? I? Specifically am sounding better. I mean, I'm not listening to it in the headphones. Oh okay, I'm just guessing.
Barbara:Yes, We'll see, though I guess we'll find out if we sound better Listeners. Why don't you tell us if we sound?
Teja:better or not? Do we sound better like this? If I soften my voice, would I sound better?
Barbara:How about if I talk like this?
Teja:Do we sound better? Experimenting with the technology. Oh, the technology, yes.
Barbara:Oh hey.
Teja:What.
Barbara:You went somewhere with that?
Teja:No, no, I didn't.
Barbara:I said experimenting with the technology.
Teja:Of course you did.
Barbara:Yes, that's what I said? Yes, you did it sounded good absolutely it still sounds good yes, and then you went away, and now you're back, and then we had stuff, and so we've got our frequent flyer miles from my going away. I know, I know. But then we got sort of stuck in our things again. We had stuff going on like car accidents.
Teja:Oh boy.
Barbara:Yeah.
Teja:You know I was and we can talk about more of this part, but it was the second to last day of my going home to tokyo for reunion when at 5 40 in the morning, I felt so bad, I get a, I get a call from you yeah and I'm thinking. First I thought oh, she forgot that we're 14 hours ahead and then and then it kept ringing. I'm like I think I better answer this. Yeah, and she had just been in a car accident.
Barbara:Yes, yes, which was really scary. I've never been in a major accident before, and this was a major, major accident.
Teja:Head-on collision.
Barbara:Yeah.
Teja:Some idiot went over the yellow line.
Barbara:Because his dog. He had a loose dog in the car, and so I'm just. I was coming back from picking up our daughter's things from college and my she was not in the car with us, though and then my sister and brother-in-law were in a car behind me, and we're just driving down the road, got stuff in the car a big rented SUV and suddenly I just see this guy coming at me. And basically I had only a moment to think, What the heck is this guy doing? Before I was just surrounded by airbags, which is just. It's the weirdest thing, because it happens so fast.
Teja:Well, I'm glad that the airbag s deployed.
Barbara:Well, yea h, me too, and the seatbelt was no joke.
Teja:And this was not long after recovery,
Barbara:Right From my, from my surgery, right. So. So there I am and, and you know, now my sternum, the bone in the front of my chest, is hurting and I've got this big welt on the the left shoulder where the seatbelt got me. But I guess you know the the thing that I think of, because, you know, working in a hospital and at the beginning of my career I worked at a rehab hospital and I saw all kinds of people you know who'd been in major car accidents and had not in fact been wearing a seatbelt and were ejected from the car.
Barbara:So I was like well, here, I am still in the seat and, yeah, chest hurts, seat belt injury, but I did not get ejected from the car, so I took that as a win.
Barbara:Teja (host) so this guy with the the dog, so the dogs in the car just loose in the car
Barbara:Barbara (host) ju st loose in the car. there
Barbara:Folks out there. If
Teja:If you have a loose animal in your car, don't drive just don't, just don't drive, don't dogs don't know how to drive, neither do cats or fish and they don't realize that you're driving so they'll do things like try and jump in your lap and do things and because they don't get it luckily the dog survived yeah, the dog would.
Barbara:The dog was good, but this guy caused a four car accident destroyed your sister's car yeah, because he he hit me, bounced off of me, went across the road.
Barbara:apparently again, I was surrounded in airbags. After like 0.5 seconds I couldn't see anything, but I heard all this stuff and so he like crashed into another car across the street and then he swerved back across over to the other side, took the front off my sister and brother-in-law's car and landed in the bushes. And so by the time I struggle out of the car, there's a dog running around. There's some guy with like blood on his face holding his arm running after the dog. My sister, who works for a vet, is also running after the dog and I'm in pain. There did just happen to be in traffic about three cars behind my sister, a fire truck randomly, so there were firefighters on the scene immediately while they waited for the ones in the town we were actually in have you checked on station 19 for any b-roll footage I know, yeah, that's our current.
Teja:It's our one of our current watches yeah, you know, because if you happen to see what probably was your accident, yeah, well, yeah, they were just getting footage right.
Barbara:Right, you know, I mean, just might as well, let the cameras roll as long as they're on the road. Yeah, I didn't check to see, like Herrera or someone.
Teja:But why did your sister go check out the dog and not you?
Barbara:Well, no, she did come over to me.
Teja:Okay, I'm just kidding.
Barbara:Yeah, no, it was chaos because people are in shock.
Teja:I know they don't know to do and this guy was chasing esther, he didn't care about you yeah, I anyway so that's, but I'm okay, it's upsetting it took a good couple weeks so I tried to get a ticket to come home earlier and I couldn't do that I wasn't able to.
Barbara:There was nothing available right, because there you are, literally halfway across the planet literally yes, halfway across the planet, literally. Yes, halfway across the planet. And, yeah, there was nothing we could do.
Teja:And we stayed in contact and you were okay. I was okay, yeah, and your sister's okay, brother-in-law's okay, mm-hmm, and the people behind you were, I presume okay.
Barbara:Yeah, well, they were behind me. They were behind you Right, okay, right.
Teja:And then a month after that our daughter gets into an accident.
Barbara:Someone rear-ends her.
Teja:Rear-ends her so badly that a month after the accident we finally learned that the car had been completely totaled.
Barbara:Even though it was only a one-year-old car.
Teja:Yep.
Barbara:So we are done with car accidents. Thank you very much.
Teja:So please, anybody out there if you're planning on getting into an accident letting your dog?
Barbara:loose in the car or tailgating, or at least with us. Just leave us out of it. Just leave us out of it, leave us out of it. We're done with that, thank you very much.
Teja:Thank you, and scene.
Barbara:Yes, but we're really here, though, to talk about that trip you were on. You went back to Japan.
Teja:I went home for a reunion, for my high school reunion, and to see my father and my brother and a bunch of friends and just kind of reacquaint myself with my neighborhoods, those stomping grounds where I grew up, where I was a little kid.
Barbara:Yeah.
Teja:It was great. It was absolutely fantastic. I graduated with about 38 guys. It was an all-boys school.
Barbara:Super, super small class, but we should mention here.
Teja:And very tight.
Barbara:You had been planning to go back.
Teja:Oh yeah.
Barbara:In 2020.
Teja:2021. Because that would have been our reunion. Oh, okay, I thought it was 2020.
Barbara:Okay, you'd been planning it in 2020.
Teja:Right, because I graduated high school in 81.
Barbara:Yeah, so that didn't happen.
Teja:Right, it was COVID. Japan had closed its borders. And you're like no, I don't think so. Yeah, and then, of course, just the timing of everything. So we finally had a reunion several years later. It was excellent. We had a lot of major events, dinners, we had, I think, 13 or 14 different countries, people coming from.
Barbara:It was excellent.
Teja:It was absolutely wonderful and, of course, the food was great and very nostalgic and very nostalgic. I spent many days just walking around and getting a feel for what Tokyo is now. Ever since I came to the States, people have always said things like even people who know that it's my home say things like oh, you're so lucky you get to go to japan, or that's so amazing, or wow, that's the one place I've always wanted to go. Did you know that in japan?
Barbara:blah, blah blah, you know like, have you heard anything.
Teja:I've said um, but there. But there's so much truth to how much a place means to you. It doesn't matter where it is in the world, but if you grow up somewhere and you're attached to it, no matter how long it is between visits. When you go back, there's just a great sense of belonging. And when I was younger, you look for different ways in which to engage and belong. But I'm older now so there are things that I don't need. I don't need confirmation. So when I was younger, I used, when I would go back, I would just kind of like yeah, I'm still here, I'm still part of this, and the reason for that is because japanese culture tends to be very closed.
Teja:So when, once you leave, yeah you're no longer really part of the community, but my friends are all from all over the world and my friends and I are really really close. I think probably a lot closer than from what I've heard a lot of the years before and years after at our school, so yours was just a particularly close year, absolutely close. We all really support each other and we organized this thing and we talked, shared photographs and yearbooks and stories and it was almost as if it was yesterday.
Teja:And it had been seven years. Our reunions in the past have been in the US or in Hawaii or other places. This is the first time since we graduated in 1981 where we had our full reunion.
Barbara:Oh, I didn't realize that, okay, full reunion. Oh, I didn't realize that. Okay. So is it like all reunions where you know there's the drunk one and then there's the silly one and then there's the philosophical one, and you know, like, because you have roles to play in you know the high school reunion experience?
Teja:yes and no. Yes in that yes ah, okay well, because you kind of have to cycle through.
Barbara:Everyone takes turns oh, no see, but that's not supposed to be the way it is that's all that japanese sharing and stuff is taking turns no here in the states. You, you double down double down on your high school personality when you go to reunions. So if you were, the one who needed someone to hold your hair back over the toilet. That is what you became.
Teja:Was that who you were, so?
Barbara:40 years later. No, no, no, I was the philosophical one.
Teja:You had the hair, though.
Barbara:Not, really, not, really. No, I was the psychologist or something I don't have the hair anymore, I don't know so, but you could have worn a wig, but I don't think you were that person, you know.
Teja:No, I was not. I didn't drink much. Yes, ah, yes, I was always the class clown.
Barbara:Okay.
Teja:I remember I used to stand up in the middle of the cafeteria.
Barbara:Oh dear.
Teja:While everyone's eating.
Barbara:Uh-huh.
Teja:I don't remember why, uh-huh. Okay, from what I understand, what I've been told, Pathological need for attention. More like I was trying to get my jokes delivered.
Barbara:UPS or FedEx.
Teja:In this case hand-delivered.
Barbara:Okay, all right.
Teja:Yep, uh-huh, often not with great applause. No, no More like sit the hell down yeah, yeah.
Barbara:Well, I mean, in japan they have that saying right about that's not.
Teja:You're not the obvious one, or you're not the one who is trying to get attention I?
Barbara:I think you were a little obvious I think I was very obvious.
Teja:But even in japan there's always the class clown.
Barbara:But also this is a very international group of people.
Teja:True.
Barbara:So when you've got that situation, then like, which version of party life do you choose? You got you know European party life, american party life, south American party life, like all these people are coming from all over the place. Like, how do you choose One big mixed party life? Like all these?
Teja:people are coming from all over the place, like how do you choose? It's just one big mixed party life. Mm-hmm, okay With a wrapped in Japanese interface.
Barbara:Oh, oh, uh-huh Okay.
Teja:Meaning that? Eh, wait a minute. Okay, meaning that Wait?
Barbara:a minute. Do I have that right yet? Okay, oh, I can't do it.
Teja:How did I do?
Barbara:Pretty good, okay, pretty good. I tried. Pretty good, okay, pretty good I try, I try.
Teja:The understanding is that in this moment, in this place, for example, you interact as you would in Japan, whereas if we all got together in New York City, which we did many years ago you interact as if you're in New York City.
Barbara:I see.
Teja:And so the what we call the TCK, the third culture kid people who've grown up in different countries, or mixed culture people. We code switch very, very quickly, so we might be speaking Japanese, but interacting as Americans or Europeans or non-Japanese, as Americans or Europeans or or not non-Japanese. Or we may also be communicating in non-Japanese another language, but interacting as Japanese. Okay, and we do that fluidly, mm. And so people who don't understand this interface.
Barbara:Yes.
Teja:Are feel left out.
Barbara:And you know what's I mean? It's not, it's like an inch. I think I picture one of those um old telephone operators panels where they're like plugging and unplugging.
Teja:Hello is this, mr johnson good to see you hear you again. Very good, would you like me to get you in touch with the president? Okay, hold on one second please. Okay, hold on. Yeah, mr president. Is mr johnson speaking here? Yeah, okay, hold on, barbara yeah it's the president, oh it's.
Barbara:It's like that, only in your brain well, where else would it be? I.
Teja:I spent a lot of time testing the food, not testing the testing. The sounds like a tasting restaurant critic over here tasting different foods okay. I don't know why I said well, probably because I'm thinking Japanese now. Um, so I was tasting different foods that were not really available growing up. They didn't have as many different cultural restaurants, so Tokyo now has.
Barbara:Oh, interesting Okay.
Teja:I went to an exceptional Indian restaurant, that was just so. I walked in and I think the guy thought I was probably part Indian or Indian or something like that. I mean, I can look like anything.
Barbara:Yeah.
Teja:So at first he was going to interact with me almost like he was glad to see someone who understood him.
Barbara:How disappointing for him. But of course I didn't know.
Teja:He could have been Japanese, he could have been here forever, that's true, yeah. So of course I walked in and did the whole Japanese walk-in feature Feature. Well, I mean like the quick bow, and then the whole communication, interaction, body movement stuff that is typical of you know, when you enter a place. Oh, and of course, then he switched to Japanese mode. Okay so for the rest of the time I was there.
Barbara:Okay.
Teja:Here is someone who's assuming the other person isn't going to respond as a Japanese and the other person is assuming I'm not when in fact it would have been easily. You know I could have easily converted to whatever he needed or he could have converted to what I needed. So this is a moment. In the meantime, I'm eating this Indian food, which is incredibly good oh yeah so in my mind I'm thinking wow, I had the distinct feeling that the owners designed the place to make them feel comfortable in a place that's not india okay so just the design of it and even the, uh, even the.
Teja:The television that was playing was streaming Indian music videos Indian music videos I actually got some footage and photographs of Indian music videos.
Barbara:Okay.
Teja:And they were really funny.
Teja:Oh okay, really really funny and very well done and that, and then the food, and so when I walked in, this whole interchange was going on and then, well, so when I first sat down, there was a woman to my left, uh, with three kids. They I think were from ireland or I think scotland actually, and so there was. She was speaking with a scottish accent. Her kids were speaking english. They I think were from Ireland or I think Scotland actually, and so they were. She was speaking with a Scottish accent. Her kids were speaking English with a somewhat slightly Japanese accent. Oh wow, and so I was thinking, okay, so she's been here a long time, the kids were born here, probably something like that, but they were also switching back and forth between English and Japanese. And then they got up to go.
Barbara:Yeah.
Teja:And then they had left some mess on the table. So the smallest one bowed and apologized to the Indian manager.
Barbara:Okay.
Teja:Because that's what you would do.
Barbara:Yes.
Teja:I'm sorry for leaving such a mess at the table, because the mom said to him you need to go apologize because he has to clean it up. Then, as soon as they left, a Korean mother and son sat down next to me speaking in Korean. So it's just like this, very interesting.
Barbara:You know what would be easier.
Teja:Yeah.
Barbara:Flash cards.
Teja:Everybody just carries around a deck of flash cards Keep talking, keep talking, keep talking and then whichever one you're gonna be.
Barbara:You just like hold the flashcard up at that moment and if you want to switch, you just flip it to a different flashcard. Soooo oh is that so. That's right?
Teja:Ah, that's no good. You're a little too loud. What should I do? So then? What else did you do while you were playing? That's not good. You're so noisy, what. Do it again In places where I first learned photography and filmmaking. My father had given me a Super 8 film camera back when, I think, when I was 13, 12. He didn't give it to me, he lent it to me it eventually became mine.
Teja:He said in that summer. He said just you know film and see what you can learn. Right, I walked to the. The first footage I ever took was a train crossing.
Barbara:Okay.
Teja:Near Jugaoka, which is this, the train station near our where we grew up. So I walked to the same crossing and I got footage on my iPhone of the train passing by.
Barbara:Oh, that's pretty cool yeah.
Teja:So I was meant to put those two together, but just things like that, just trying to kind of remembering what it was like, just things like that, just trying to kind of remembering what it was like. But Tokyo has transformed so dramatically. It has become very cosmopolitan.
Barbara:I mean, it always seemed cosmopolitan to me.
Teja:It is so, it's international.
Barbara:Uh-huh.
Teja:You can hear many, many languages. Well, that's a big change from the last time I was there, in the mid 90s all over and uh, I, I just I just thought it was magnificent the way japan has been able to transform but also remain in many respects, very japanese what's an example of that?
Teja:Well, when you walk down a typical street where there are many stores, many stores uh, when we were kids, the owners of the stores would do things like before they open the store in the morning, they're out there on the street sweeping the street. You're not going to find that. You know, here in the united states right you're not.
Teja:You might sweep in front of your store, but you're not going to sweep the street, you know. So this is kind of like take care of your neighbor, kind of thing, and make sure everything's clean, and then the bowing and the hello and all that kind of thing and um, uh, the thank yous, that that uh, you know, whenever you hear I I find the united states, if I have to thank the person I'm buying something from, then there's something.
Barbara:There's something weird like why am I?
Teja:thanking you, but in japan a lot of that's just so systemic, it's so much part of.
Teja:So the, the communication and the interactions and the look of places still have that essence, even with the influences of all the non-Japanese being about. It still maintains the semblance of what I remember Tokyo to be, and so, even if you smell Indian food or you smell Mexican food or Chinese food or whatever, generally speaking you still get a sense that it's Japanese, because otherwise it becomes something that is just mixed in a very interesting way like New York City.
Teja:New York City people say New York City New York City where my mother lived for 30 years, so I know New York City very well, very different from Tokyo. But New York City is a conglomeration of all kinds of languages, cultures and smells and sounds and all that kind of thing, and that's what New York City is famous for and popular for and why people love it. That is what Tokyo would become if they were not able to maintain the essence of Japan. So that's what I was looking for when I was there and I found it.
Teja:I found a lot of it, a lot of evidence that it's still there.
Barbara:Okay, yeah, I appreciate that. Yeah, and then you got to see your brother and your father while you were there too.
Teja:Yep, my father, who is turning 90 very soon. He makes violins.
Barbara:He's very happy. Yeah, from scratch.
Teja:Yes, he makes violins from scratch like just I mean from wood. But yes, yeah, yeah, because he probably doesn't actually use his nails and no no, his tools his tools yes are not always wood I hope not.
Barbara:If they're shaping wood, they can't also be wood. One would think yes he's also.
Teja:He goes to the gym three days a week, walks a lot, eats very well, well, eats healthy, healthily and, uh, generally doing okay. So I'm very proud of him, he's, he's. He still works, so to speak know not where he used to work, but you know he gets up every day and he does stuff to keep his mind.
Barbara:Well, yeah, I mean most people. I mean when you talk to people who like retire and try to do nothing it's usually awful. They hate it. Oh, yeah, yeah, but he's doing more than that, but he's doing, yeah, he looks like he's 70, you know he yeah, but he's doing more than that.
Teja:But he's doing yeah, he looks like he's 70, you know he walks fast, he's nimble and my brother is also doing very well. He's getting married, I think next month. So I got to meet his fiance and he's doing well. He's busy also and they picked me up at the airport.
Barbara:Narita Airport.
Teja:And um then, um, yeah, uh just spent a lot of time with family and friends.
Barbara:Good.
Teja:I needed to.
Barbara:Yeah.
Teja:Yeah, you know.
Barbara:So where to next?
Teja:Uh, I'm thinking New York City.
Barbara:Oh, oh, got it, Got it. How about? How about Boston? Oh you ever been there? I'm thinking New York City, oh got it got it? How about Boston? You ever been there? No, tell me about Boston. I mean, it's in a lot of movies.
Teja:Is it really?
Barbara:Boston yeah, Boston's always the threat in movies.
Teja:Oh. So, for example, I suddenly have a new job opportunity. I might have to move to Boston Like tomorrow. Yeah right, In the snowstorm.
Barbara:Yeah, well, yeah, I mean that's very specifically. The Hallmark thing is, you know, I have to move to Boston, I have to move tomorrow.
Teja:Hallmark should move its headquarters to.
Barbara:Boston To Boston, why not?
Teja:Yeah, then they could just say, instead of I have to move to Boston, I have to move down the street.
Barbara:It's like we're already here in Boston. Yeah, exactly See.
Teja:Yeah, yeah. Or we could change the name of the city from boston to hallmark. And everyone drives a red truck.
Barbara:Yeah, red pickup truck but I think we've taken a detour that's true, yeah, yeah, uh, okay, very different, okay, very very different, but uh, yeah, I'm glad you had a good trip never long enough well, especially, I mean like there's jet lag and you lose a day each direction because of the travel time when you come back, you arrive at the same time you've left, so my plane took off at 4 15 weird yeah and it arrived at 4 15. So you want to pick a really good day.
Teja:To travel.
Barbara:Yeah, like it's got to be, like you've got to look at the alignment of the stars and stuff, Because you're going to have to live that day twice. So you really want to plan oh.
Teja:I see what you're saying.
Barbara:Yeah.
Teja:So essentially time travel. Yes, if you're going to time, because it essentially is time travel yes so actually, if you kept going the other way, you'd just get younger and younger and younger no, actually you'd get older because you would remain getting old, but you'd be moving back in time oh, now you're hurting my brain everyone would look at you like oh, you haven't aged a bit, that's because I've been traveling on japan airlines just around going west for the past three years, refueled in the air.
Teja:30 years, right, exactly right 30 years worth of peanuts well on my protein is like especially allergic to peanuts.
Barbara:Well, yeah, that would be a problem can I please have something else?
Teja:no longer allergic to peanuts because exposure therapy that's right, although it's exposure therapy was the great food that I got on Japan Airlines.
Barbara:I wouldn't mind it. Yeah, there we go.
Teja:I don't know why my voice went so high.
Barbara:I don't know. Well, it's been wonderful hanging around with you people today, and we will be on to a new conversational adventure next time.
Teja:Yes, we will.
Barbara:Please do remember to, to you know, say how wonderful this was.
Teja:Give us some some five stars if you may, a little review for us dance it click a follow dance it. Tick tock, dance it oh interesting. Talk all about living forward.
Barbara:I see, yeah, so they can make little custom TikTok dances about living forward Right. Oof Okay.
Teja:Doesn't sound right, okay.
Barbara:That's a whole thing. Yeah, so you can do that. We'll love you for it and the rest of the world will think you're tiktok dance for living forward oh, you have to forward both of us will replicate it oh and we'll do it back for you oh, I see, except we're not on tiktok. It's a great we're on instagram. So if you do an instagram, yeah, you do an instagram dance for living forward then then we'll have to do it back.
Teja:You just have to make sure that you make it clear that it's for living forward. Either use it, you use, you know.
Barbara:Yeah.
Teja:You use the phrase living forward.
Barbara:Paper mask with Taya's face on it.
Teja:Does it have to be paper?
Barbara:Could be cardboard.
Teja:What about gold?
Barbara:That would be a little extra, but sure, okay, sure Just want to make sure. Mixed media. That would be a little extra.
Teja:But sure, okay, sure, just want to make sure. Mixed media, little cubist, little uh potato paintings, yeah, oh, I remember those little potato stamps, those in like kindergarten.
Barbara:We'd better stop now all right have a wonderful week or so until we hear from you, until you hear from us next, that's right.