Journey to Self: Embracing Love, Empowerment, and the Promise of Progress

Have you ever found yourself nodding along, saying 'yes' when every fiber of your being screamed 'no'? I've been there, wearing the mask of a people-pleaser, a perfectionist who forgot the sound of her own voice. Join me as I share my personal voyage deep into the heart of what it means to truly embrace self-love and empowerment. I'll tackle the tricky terrain of self-discovery, revealing the transformative power that comes when you start keeping promises to yourself. It's a tale of moving past toxic relationships and the lessons they leave behind, a reminder that honoring every part of oneself is the true essence of self-care.

This candid conversation unfolds as I explore the subtle, yet life-altering, practice of self-affirmation and the small commitments that can forge a path of self-respect and authenticity. It's about being your own best friend and recognizing the profound love that blooms from a foundation of self-esteem. So tune in, get inspired and let's journey together towards a life vibrating with positivity and aligned with our highest truths.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hi, I'm Sabrina Soto. I believe the best conversations are with friends who are really able to open themselves up and share their lives, both the good parts and the bad. You're going to be listening to some of those candid conversations and hopefully gaining some insight to help you redesign your life from the inside out. Hi everyone, today is a solo Soto episode based on a conversation I was having with a friend the other day and I thought I would just jump on here and do a little micro podcast, but, speaking of which I have so many guests lined up in the next couple of weeks that I am so excited about. So if you don't have notifications on or subscribe to the podcast, please do so, because I think you're going to love the guests and some are going to be a little surprising. Some may look very familiar to you. But anyway, back to this episode.

Speaker 1: 0:58

I was having a conversation with my friend the other day who's going through a breakup and we were talking about self-esteem and self-abandonment and I have been through such a transformation last few years of building my self-esteem and it came from recognizing all of the times that I've abandoned myself and to take a few steps back. I never even realized that I was doing it. To be honest, I didn't realize the times that I was people pleasing, or my perfectionism, or every time I told myself I was not going to do something. And I did it when no one was looking. Little by little, I was chipping away at my self-worth, and when you do it over and over again, like I did, you really start to change who you are and also start accepting things that you wouldn't normally. So I realized that during the self-discovery that I've done in the last well, I guess 30 years. It's been such a journey and it hasn't been linear. It really has been a roller coaster. I have been through a lot of change, a lot of wonderful highs and a lot of lows. There's some things that I've never really shared before of accepting really toxic relationships.

Speaker 1: 2:27

In my 20s I was in a relationship. I was dating someone who physically assaulted me and just sort of accepting things and allowing things that I look back now and I would just never. I think who was I at that time, what happened, what was going on with me that I thought any of this was okay and it really. It is such a journey to love yourself and that word self-love comes, it pops up all the time self-care, self-love. But what I've realized in my life is self-love is, of course, yes, taking care of yourself, but it really is accepting every single piece of yourself, every flaw, every part of your body.

Speaker 1: 3:21

Maybe you don't love just accepting yourself for who you are and really loving the person you are. And I'm telling you, it's taken a long time for me to do this, but once I finally did and I embraced it, every piece of me is when my life started to turn around and every category in my life became better the relationships I have attracted, both romantically and platonically, my friends, my career opportunities it all stems and it all boils down to what you think you are worth. And if you would ask me when you're dating, people always say, well, make a list of what you really want in someone and look at that list and say, are you even that person? And I would look at that list and say yeah, yeah, damn it, I am that person. I am a hundred percent that person and more. Maybe I was all those bullet points, but I really don't think that I truly loved myself because of the things that I was doing, mostly behind closed doors, and it seems small. It could be something small, like I'm not going to eat junk food anymore, and then I'm tired and I've had a long day and I'm on my way home and I don't feel like cooking or there was nothing at the house. You know what, let me just stop and get something quickly. Seems so innocent, right, and I used to think that something like that was innocent.

Speaker 1: 4:57

But it's those tiny little microaggressions that you do to yourself that really add up that when you finally stop doing it because you told yourself you're not going to do it, when you are impeccable with your word to yourself, which is one of the four agreements we talk a lot about being a person of our word with everyone else in our life, so that we can begin to create that trust with the people in our lives. Because when you say you're going to be somewhere, when you say you're going to be somewhere, when you say you're going to do something and you follow up, always people trust you. But what happens when you don't do that to yourself? I started to not even trust myself and I didn't realize that until a few years ago. I Just want to explore that the ripple effect of honoring or really dishonoring your word, and the profound impact that it really has on your journey of self-esteem, of fulfillment of your own self, lies trust trust in our abilities, our intentions, our worthiness. And when we make that commitment to ourselves and we follow through with it, no matter what, no matter how tired you are, no matter what kind of day you had, when you keep that commitment to yourself, no matter what, and you follow through with it, you affirm your belief in your own capabilities and you strengthen that foundation of self-esteem.

Speaker 1: 6:33

I remember just a lot of times that I've struggled to keep promises to myself, whether maybe again, like I said, could be something silly, like fast food or an exercise or carving out time to read or whatever. I just would constantly find excuses to justify my shortcomings, but then I would get into this sort of spiral, right? So let's just say I said I wasn't going to do something and then a friend calls and it's like oh, you know, let's go. Maybe I said I was going to stay home because I was tired and friend calls and says let's go out and because of people pleasing you make the exception, even though you already told yourself you weren't going to do it. You or I'll just speak for myself.

Speaker 1: 7:19

I started to erode the trust that I had in myself. And each promise, really, when you keep it, when you say to that friend no, like no and it's, by the way, okay to say no there's a surge of empowerment that comes with that and you reaffirm your inner strength and your resilience, even if it's small. So when you honor your commitment to yourself, you signal to yourself and to the universe and the people in your life that you're worthy of your own love and you're worthy of your own respect. And it wasn't until I really started holding myself accountable and following through with my promises to myself that I began to shift my self-esteem in such a profound way. And when that happened, my whole life changed. The more I showed up for myself, the more confident I got and the more empowered that I became when no one was looking.

Speaker 1: 8:19

So when you arrive at this, maybe you're in this part of your journey that you're not really because you are a people pleaser or you are a perfectionist I'm all of those things, by the way, so it's not like I'm perfect. I still find myself saying yes when I really want to say no, but it's not shaming yourself for taking a step back. That was another thing I was talking earlier, like I was saying about that spiral, I would say yes when I really promised myself I was going to say no. So then, when I would say yes, I'd follow through with whatever the hell I said I wasn't going to do. Then I would shame myself. Oh, the stories I would tell myself of what a piece of garbage and this and that and oh why this and you're you know, fill in the blank and then the shame just made me feel even worse about myself.

Speaker 1: 9:11

So when I started to really just keep my commitment, now I do this thing. It's maybe silly, but I promise you it really works and I don't know why it works. It's kind of like an affirmation. But when I'm brushing my teeth at night and I've gone through the day and I've maybe made those tiny little strides of keeping my promise to myself, after I brush my teeth, I'll look at myself in the mirror and I'll say I'm so proud of you. I'll look at myself in the eyes and I'll say I am so proud of you and that's it. I'm so proud of you. What's it? Three seconds, and just saying that to myself it was. It keeps me going. It gives me like strength to keep going and to continue to flex that muscle of doing the things. That are hard sometimes. But it's not about perfection, it really isn't. It's about progress and it's okay to F up. It's okay to not be absolutely perfect, but the more you really do keep your promise to yourself, the easier it gets. And each promise is really a step forward and a testament to your commitment to living a life that's aligned to your highest truth and what you want to create.

Speaker 1: 10:33

I used to have a friend of mine that would say what decisions are you going to make today that will make yourself tomorrow proud, your tomorrow self proud, or whatever? I really butchered that. And it is those tiny little changes in your day. And whatever it is you want to change in your life, your relationships, your body, your health, your eating habits, the things you consume, whether it's in your mouth, what you're drinking, what you're watching, what you're scrolling, who you're following, who you're dating I mean we can go on for hours Just whatever it is you want to change. You don't have to overhaul your entire life overnight, because that's just too much to bear, but it's those small little changes.

Speaker 1: 11:21

I mentioned that book, atomic Habits such a great book, by the way, it is all about small changes. So just remember, your word is your bond, it's a reflection of your self-worth. So just try to keep those tiny promises that you make to yourself and you can pave the way to a life that's filled with love and abundance and unwavering self-esteem. And I promise you, when you do that, saying no it gets easier. And saying, and when you are brought like, if an opportunity is brought up to you and your intuition is telling you no, it's going to be easier to just follow it.

Speaker 1: 12:11

That, oh, before I finish this one more thing that I used to do to to chip away at my own self-esteem is I would ask everyone else's opinion about my life instead of listening to myself. I could not. It got to a point that I was like debilitated making any big decision because I needed to talk to 15 friends and maybe my parents and my sister and whomever to see, and like almost like I was taking a poll on my own life. And now I still. Sometimes of course I'm human, I get people's opinion. I always call my sister first because she's so damn level-headed. She is really and I'll be like all right, natasha, this is a what would Natasha do question, because sometimes I really do have some pretty crazy ideas. Okay, and she she'll give me a big like absolutely not, you're not doing that, and we'll laugh and it's a really quick conversation. But I used to have to make 20 phone calls before I made a decision.

Speaker 1: 13:14

That is again just abandoning yourself.

Speaker 1: 13:16

So flex the muscle. It's okay not to be perfect. Little by little, once you start keeping your promises to yourself, your self-esteem will build and your life will completely change. Mine has so much and I'm so grateful for all of the crappy mistakes that I've made and Lord knows I've made a lot of them. Remind me to tell you that the time that I paid a guy $121 to slap me over the back of my head with some basil and spit vodka or I think it was rum in my hair to cleanse me in a garage in San Bernardino, but that was a long time ago. But anyway, with that said, I have made so many mistakes and I'm not. I wouldn't take them back because I am who I am now, but now I just know better that, at the end of the day, the only person you have really truly as your best friend is yourself. So be a good friend to yourself.

Speaker 1: 14:19

Again. Thank you for listening. This was a short one I can't wait to show Again. Thank you for listening. This was a short one. I can't wait to show you who's coming on the podcast. So if you haven't subscribed yet to the podcast, do that. Follow the show wherever you listen and, if you have a chance, I would love for you to rate and review this. It really helps me so much with the algorithm. However, the hell that works. And until next time, love yourself and I love you guys. Thank you.