A Journey of METH ADDICTION and Recovery in Vietnam with Tue-Si Nguyen

"When you're at rock bottom as a drug addict, you'll know. Cause, as I explained it, there is that choice that you have to make. And when you're ready to look up, then I have plenty of advice."
- Tue-Si on reaching the turning point in addiction.

In this powerful episode, Niall revisits the story of Tue-Si, a recovering crystal meth addict who shares his journey from addiction to recovery. Tue-Si candidly discusses his relapse experiences, health scares, and the importance of taking responsibility for one's actions. He also explores the role of trauma in addiction and the need for a supportive system during recovery. The episode offers raw insight into the challenges of overcoming substance abuse and the ongoing process of healing.

"It wouldn't have taken much to prevent and it didn't take much to fix it. It just took a lot of courage and a lot of yeah, just a few medicine, a few pills." - Tue-Si on his health scare and recovery.

Key Takeaways

1. The importance of seeking support and surrounding oneself with non-judgmental individuals during recovery.
2. The need for self-forgiveness and taking responsibility for one's actions in the healing process.
3. The role of trauma in addiction and the courage required to confront and define one's traumas.
4. The value of implementing healthy routines and finding alternative coping mechanisms.
5. The ongoing nature of recovery and the acceptance of potential setbacks or relapses along the journey.

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Transcript

Tue-Si: 0:31

I don't want to beauty whoever was Tue-Si back in 2017, 2018, there is I've hurt people, I've, deeply hurt people have deeply used people and have deeply used myself. And I deeply unloved myself.

Niall: 0:59

Welcome to Season 10 of A Vietnam Podcast. I'm your host, Niall Mackay. I came to Vietnam for a holiday all the way back in 2015 and absolutely fell in love with the place. Couldn't wait to come back. Came back in 2016. For about two months, just to learn how to teach English, then I was going to go on my merry way with my wife. And we decided to stay for a year. A year became two, two became four, and four became eight.

Tue-Si: 1:26

here, it was a decade

Niall: 1:28

And it'll be a decade before I know it. During that time, I started a Vietnam podcast, and I got to meet some amazing and interesting people. And one of those people I met back in 2022, which doesn't seem that long ago, but actually is a lifetime ago. It was mid pandemic. And as we were just talking before we started recording, he's now known as the crystal meth

Tue-Si: 1:49

guy, Which I don't know

Niall: 1:51

which I don't know if that's from our podcast or not, but I was very privileged. I believe that was the first time you'd shared your story that, Tuisi Nguyen. Thank you very much for joining me again.

Tue-Si: 2:03

very long story short, someone offered me crystal meth at a party and I was like, fuck this. I'm going to be that drug addict and so when I got offered crystal meth again back in Canada, that's when I, did it. I think it was in April, 2017 and I was hooked it was just bad. It was, that's the only thing that I can say at this point. It was just bad. But the drug in itself allowed me to, express my truth because it gives you, no fear, like it removes the fear. It's a little bit like cocaine and then I could be as, I could be as myself as I want it to be, but then the problem is. I could be as bad as I wanted to be. And then there was this whole side of Tue-Si that was hidden for so many years because I was, living through my insecurities and my fears.

Niall: 2:47

on that last episode, you shared, that you'd had a crystal meth addiction.

Tue-Si: 2:52

again. You shared that you had a crystal meth addiction. Daily usage until, August 2019 and in, and in the slow path of recovery after that, and we met in, I think we met a little bit before that. And then we, you interviewed me in 2022. And, and then since then it's still the same, path of recovery. I think I, got the, after your podcast, Mika interviewed me too, I think in 2023 actually. And that's where I got, I got the nickname officially, The Iceman. That's what she gave me, The Iceman. And everybody made fun of me. and then, yeah, so the crystal, cause ice is crystal meth too. And so I was The Iceman cause I was doing ice baths. At that time yeah. I, had a, whole month of like everyday ice bath and I was just, so when I got to her interview I was like, yeah, ice Bath the Ice man. And yeah. So it was, yeah, it's good. quick updates. I, I am on my fifth relapse,

Niall: 4:02

I think when I invited you back on, you were like, are we going to talk about how I relapsed? I was like, Oh, really? You're like, no, it's good. It's good.

Tue-Si: 4:09

no. So everything has been good. I've been, there was that big path of recovery, obviously like the, initial work is the hard work. Obviously when you follow the 12 steps and, then it becomes this, once you install the right systems and of healing and, I, I feel like I'm on a, I'm pretty stable actually last year, if we want to talk about, a little bit of what happened is like I had a, related to the recovery, there was lingering fears, of, of the damages that I've done to my body and when I came to Vietnam in 2019, I was so focused on mental health and getting out of the, trouble that I put myself in that I've never really got a health check done. never. And that was like the lingering fear of every drug addict that I know, especially crystal meth and things like this, that, oh, I like, I'm going to, you do stupid shit. And then you're like, no, it's not gonna happen to me. It's fine. And then the drug talks to you and whatever, and you're like, I'm not gonna get checked and things like this. And so what happened last year is actually, I. finally got around to do all my health check and literally every single fear that I had as a drug addict was in my body.

Niall: 5:24

I thought you were gonna say the opposite,

Tue-Si: 5:26

And it was like, it was it like, Oh yeah, you remember that stupid thing that you did? Here is the result. This is in your blood. This is in your body. This isn't. And I'm like, holy shit. Like, it's a, it was like a little bit, I'm a little bit spiritual at this point where it was like, Oh, I think I'm mentally, I've, the universe tested my resilience or gave me all those occasion in the past five years to, to test my mental resilience. And this is, here's the last challenge. Here is the, ah, you think you're okay. How about those things that you never said to anyone about those deep inner fears that are like fed by your own childhood traumas. Here it is. You're sick. And then, and then, so I had this, I had to go through a medication and things like this, and I got an allergic reaction. I don't know if I told you this, no, get an allergic reaction to one of the medicine that was just a cautionary one, just in case you get another thing. And that got me, into big, trouble. And, I hope this tale of a drug addict is gonna reach people. But because I was a drug addict in 2019 and I came to Vietnam with the will to die, I never got an insurance. I never got anything. I was just like, I'm going to go to Vietnam and I'm going to disappear in a big ball of fire. And here I am five years down the road doing much better. And Now the universe is testing me with those challenges and, and so I'm here and I, got this allergy reaction that's, that transform into this blood and skin, infection, septicemia, which is like really bad. And I'm at the American International Hospital the night in the emergency just don't know what's happening and the guy comes to me and goes Oh, we're going to have to put you at the hospital, for five days because this is like very critical. It's very bad. And, the only thing that I've, I looked at him and I was like, wait, the one night was 10 million. So how much? And he comes back after this and was like, Oh, with a nice invoice, I'm international hospitals have not really a nice invoice. And he goes, that's going to be 5, 000. And I was like, yeah. like I just started working and yeah, so I, I started working again, September 2022 where I, I started working as the CEO for a COO for a digital marketing agency. And I was like, I can't man, I, I just got out of my trouble. I'm starting to, build funds again. I just cannot. And I'm looking at my girlfriend and I'm looking at him and I'm like. I think I'm, that's it. I'm going to die for 5, 000 or I'm going to have to reach out to family, but I was like so knocked out from the meds and all those things. And I'm like, here it is, The moment where the universe is telling me how you thought you were out of your trouble, then fuck you. And then, so I, I, and I looked at the doctors, like what other solutions do I have? It's what you can always go to the public hospital here. It's going to be much cheaper, but. It's not going to be as comfortable and literally, so I went to the public hospital for 12 days and literally everything that you think of a, prison jail is what public hospital here is in Vietnam. It's and I was in the topical section, topical disease section of Chare Hospital because nobody could treat the, infection and they locked the gate. No, they closed the gate and then they lock it with a bike lock because so many people runs away, and then you're here in a room. with 14 beds, a fan that just keeps on spinning in front of a light 24 seven, one toilet for 12 people. And I was like, okay, I think there is a lesson there.

Niall: 8:59

How much did that cost?

Tue-Si: 9:01

it was like 500 K per, per, day.

Niall: 9:05

So like 20 US

Tue-Si: 9:07

20, 20 US dollars. I think the whole shebang was like with medication, nurse, and all of things. And we had to tip some of the nurse to take care of me a little bit more. My girlfriend was amazing. She stayed with me the whole time. She's appreciate, she has a debt of gratitude from, to, with my family that is like gigantic at this point. but it was like maybe 1, 500, 40 million, I think we've calculated after all that. And we actually tried to go to a private hospital at some point, but they didn't accept me because nobody could treat my infection. So they sent me back to a public hospital, It was bad. there was My resilience last year was very tested, especially here in Vietnam. But it was, humbling where it was like, it was also a reminder that I'm, no better than anyone. Like at this point, if at any point my ego was coming back and I was, unfurling the path of the addict, this was a great reminder to go Hey, humble yourself, man. Like you, you're no better than anyone. Every single mistake that you were like, it's not going to happen to me while you're like smoking that crystal meth. No, it's going to happen to you. You should have been careful or you should have been like mature, but which, no, you can't. Anyway, like those are the consequences of your choices and that's it. Now deal with it. And I'm very happy that the, since 2019, I've learned what to do. Taking responsibly for your actions is, and so I was like, I took it, pretty well, as well as I could while dying on a hospital bed. Yeah,

Niall: 10:39

been able to learn from it because what else can you do?

Tue-Si: 10:42

not much.

Niall: 10:42

You just have to be like, yeah, I need to learn from this. I need to take something from it.

Tue-Si: 10:46

Yeah. There's a few things like, when I learned about whatever was happening with my body, last year, I was like, I think if I, got those news in 2019, where I was mentally with my mental health, I would have given up. And it's funny too, because it's like I like if you watch me.

Niall: 11:02

what would that mean, giving up? Because you didn't have an option, right? You're like giving up just, I'm going to lie here and die of

Tue-Si: 11:08

yeah, because that's how I explained rock bottom to like in 2019 when I came to Vietnam, that was my rock bottom. And the way I explained rock bottom is the choice to. survive and so look up and swim up or just die and just give up. And, and there was essential things that were happening in my head or the, expressions of all my traumas that were like, Oh, you're not worth it. You're not enough. And you're, just better death and things like this. And that's why I came to Vietnam in a way. It's if it's not going to work in Vietnam, then I'm just going to fucking die. But if I learned that Oh, actually there was, actual consequences to those choices. Cause then I would have been like, yeah, so I'm, this is it. I'm worth nothing, but because I've built up this equity of me taking responsibility and doing the right actions for myself and working on my mental health. When I heard the news, last year, I knew to reach out to, to, to my support system, be like, fuck, I'm fucked up, this is bad, this is really bad. It was like, I don't know what to do. And people were like, oh, you've been through this before. you're going to be okay and things like this. And then I realized, I don't want to go too much into details about what's happening within my body, but I realized that it didn't take much actually to fix. Oh, it wouldn't have take much to prevent and it didn't take much to fix it. It just took a lot of courage and a lot of yeah, just a few medicine, a few pills.

Niall: 14:27

it's interesting. So you mentioned you didn't have insurance. and so I've just recorded an episode. It's already out. Go check it out on the Vietnam is Awesome podcast, which is another podcast I make about Vietnam. And I interviewed Shane Dillon from Tenzing Pacific, which you may have heard of now is an insurance broker here in Vietnam. And The theme of that episode was don't not get insurance. Don't not get

Tue-Si: 14:52

Ah, don't not,

Niall: 14:53

It's so vital. It's so crucial. And that's an example

Tue-Si: 14:56

it's a wild example. it's a very true example, but then I, think, part of it, and it's so full circle, because, If I had gotten an insurance, I would have had to go through a health check, but I wasn't ready to go through a health check because I knew that I've done so many bad mistake. When you do, when you're a crystal meth drug addict, you do a lot of stupid shit. Even when you're a drug addict, you do a lot of stupid shit and even alcoholic or whatever. And so I was like, I wasn't ready to have one. And then. Literally when I came, I was so outside of the society, I didn't have a bank account. hashtag secret. I still don't have a bank account. I, just have a French bank account, but I didn't have a bank account'cause I, I was a res permanent residence of Canada. And then I lost that, through co covid. and then, so I was the man of, of no country really. I'm, still not a resident of any type of country.'cause I, spent exactly six months here and then I have to leave and then I'm never, I don't have a, so I'm, floating. like a true drug addict in the, in this ether of I, don't know how to explain that, but so yeah, the insurance was like, last year I was like, Oh shit, I should have taken an insurance, but I didn't see any other move for me to do before that, that didn't require for me to do a health check. And the reason why I did a health check is because I wanted to get back into society. I have a job now. I was like, I was six months into the job. Everything is going good. I have a salary and whatever. I should go, and get a bank account and all those things and really stabilize myself and being, Happy and proud for the work that I've done and, get back into society like fully, and I go get my health check.

Niall: 16:42

up.

Tue-Si: 16:43

My answer is no, you're still fucked

Niall: 16:44

Oh, but it's all going well now.

Tue-Si: 16:47

It's all going well. yeah, like a lot of the fears, like a lot of the problems that health problems that I had was very much based on fear, social fear and social judgment. And, but then it's once you're known as the iceman or the crystal meth guy, it's, it's fine. It's, I'm always going to be, and it's, it was a humbling moment of Hey, remember, you're no better than anyone. Like in your, just, stay like that. Yeah.

Niall: 17:13

thank you so much for sharing your story in 2022. I think I did tell you this for a long time. That was the number one episode ever on a Vietnam podcast that has been overtaken now, but

Tue-Si: 17:25

Oh yeah. at the

Niall: 17:27

it was the number one episode. Obviously, people connected with it. As I said at the beginning, it You hadn't shared that story before. we'd only met briefly. You had a podcast at the time, which is on a long break as

Tue-Si: 17:39

it's a, it's pretty much, it's finished now, let's say it's finished. Yeah. It's a, I'm on a different season of my life and yeah. It's, I'm still processing the news that I'm not the number one, so I have a special story for you guys.

Niall: 17:55

I'm back on the map.

Tue-Si: 17:58

going to do something right

Niall: 18:00

We're gonna do some right now. No, I was gonna add as well. We're talking about the local hospitals, right? And it's something when I talk to people, I talk about health care, not a lot, but it's something that is really important. And when you live overseas, you appreciate health care more. And people say, what's the health care like in Vietnam? And I'll say it's excellent, but because I have insurance and I feel very privileged that when I go for healthcare checks or when I go to the doctors, I tell people back in the UK, which I just heard on the news today, the average wait for a doctor's appointment in the UK is two to four weeks.

Tue-Si: 18:35

Oh wow. Yeah.

Niall: 18:36

When I need a doctor's appointment here, it's two to four hours, literally. And, but so I do explain to people, I do feel very privileged. I'm aware of that. And I'm aware that there's many. Vietnamese people and VHQ people who don't have insurance and do have to use the government hospitals, which are unfortunately not at the same standard.

Tue-Si: 18:53

It's not, yeah.

Niall: 18:54

My only story, though, of using a government hospital was I was in Hoi An last year, and I, I wasn't drunk. I promise I wasn't drunk. I slipped and fell and, cut my elbow open and had to go get stitches, and we showed up at the Hoi An hospital. There were me and a friend who thankfully was a doctor. But she didn't have the equipment to do stitches, even though she could do them. Doctor, nurse, staff member. It was a Sunday morning in

Tue-Si: 19:21

the Oh, okay.

Niall: 19:22

hospital and we're just walking about trying to find anyone and we find patients who are like lying out on couches and on benches and they're looking at us like why are these two foreigners walking about here and we're about to give up and then somebody shouts us and we go over and through limited language we managed I get ushered into a room and I don't know if it's a doctor or whoever he is somebody comes to do the stitches because I need like I think it was two three or four

Tue-Si: 19:47

Oh wow.

Niall: 19:48

but I needed them.

Tue-Si: 19:49

were you? I wasn't running

Niall: 19:50

all, I said. I

Tue-Si: 19:51

and thankfully though,

Niall: 19:54

and thankfully though, so my doctor friend was there, and she, what a weirdo you are, Anya, she wanted to watch, because she doesn't get grossed out by things like that. I couldn't even look at the blood on my elbow, because I get, I would vomit at things like that. But she's no, I'll watch. Thankfully she watched it, and she was like, he was really good. Yeah, she's I know what it's like to give stitches. I've watched people do stitches. He was amazing and everything was clean. So even though we were in this room It looked like something from a Saw

Tue-Si: 20:24

Yeah. Yeah.

Niall: 20:25

Like I got videos of it. It literally was me on this metal bed. It looked like I was about to be killed basically. but she was like, no, everything he did, he unwrapped it. It was clean. The stitches were great. And so that's my, I'm saying, even though this setting might not be ideal, you got the treatment you

Tue-Si: 20:40

treatment you

Niall: 20:41

It wasn't comfortable

Tue-Si: 20:43

yeah, I'm, forever going to make fun of how it looks, but the, the treatment and, the fact that I'm alive today

Niall: 20:51

Yeah. Yeah.

Tue-Si: 20:52

is probably what I needed to, it's like, a little bit more, more comfort would have been nice. A little bit more air conditioning would have been nice, but The, I remember the Tray's, hospital doctor was excellent in the way that he was seeing things and he was explaining things to me and the way that I, the basic care that I received, which is like what you need, the comfort level of the hospital is not on their, it's not their responsibility. And I've heard some Vietnamese people told me that they keep it to that level of standard and comfort. Rich people don't come too often, or they get insurance, or things like this, it was like, and I, it didn't make any sense for me, but I was, there was a funny story, there was an old man, lying across the, the hospital from, the, room from me, and at some point, because nobody can sleep, you have lights 24 7, and you know when a fan goes like this, and he just keeps on

Niall: 21:45

that would kill me personally. Cause I'm a really light sleeper. Like I need a face mask. I need silence or

Tue-Si: 21:50

Oh yeah. And I, so I couldn't sleep. I had fever and then I had shivers and it was just like, this old man comes, the doctor comes, he's Oh, how are you feeling tonight or today, sir? He's Oh, I can't sleep. And he was like, you don't come to the hospital to sleep. You come to heal. And I'm like,

Niall: 22:05

That's part of healing is sleep. That's when you heal is when you sleep,

Tue-Si: 22:09

Let me call Andrew Huberman.

Niall: 22:11

So I was going

Tue-Si: 22:12

So I said, you made me laugh, but then, and then, yeah. And then, so I know I'm very happy that, that, being outside of the system in itself, not having insurance, being in Vietnam was still, Excellent choice for me because it allowed me to have access to two things that I couldn't have had if I got this infection, if I got checked in Canada and I had this infection or this allergic reaction without insurance, I would have been dead today. Because one day at the hospital in Canada, it's just So what is I know that whatever I received in Vietnam and whatever I'm still receiving here in Vietnam has been life saving in a way, and in terms of so I'm, very happy.

Niall: 22:54

but get insurance.

Tue-Si: 22:55

But get insurance. I did get insurance right after

Niall: 22:58

right

Tue-Si: 22:58

I canceled last month.

Niall: 23:02

Now, you mentioned just briefly about the Iceman and the Icebath. Yeah, yeah. just briefly tell me What was that? Because I saw that on social media. Why did you do that? What did you do? And I saw at the end of it, you spent something like$200 on bags of

Tue-Si: 23:17

200 on a bag of ice. No, it was much cheaper. Let me redo the calculation. First, the whys. so the, in in the whole recovery thing, I, I, realized, down the road that I'm a pretty extreme person in a way that I seek pleasure and I, that what got me into crystal meth addiction and how I, the experience that I need to receive needs to have a little bit of like intensity within it, even though I'm trying to escape through pleasure and things like this. If I have a micro dose of something intense per day, I feel like that's what stabilized me in terms of whatever is happening in my brain. And that, that went into, and for example, at the very beginning I would sit and try to meditate like an hour in the morning, an hour at night. I did that for a year. That was pretty intense. Like the stillness was pretty intense. and

Niall: 24:09

I can't do it for one minute. Yeah. Meditation. I know it's a skill and you can learn how to do it. I've tried it in the past and my brain is just this one day I'll do it

Tue-Si: 24:17

one day, yeah, you try but like I needed those. And so also the, core thing that I was like work that I'm still working on is my fear of abandonment. I have this big trauma of like abandonment and the, the constant, curiosity about how to improve myself or how to do something good for myself is a way to remind myself that I'm showing up for myself. And if I'm showing up for myself daily, then nobody else can abandon me, if not me. So that was the practice. And so I'm always like, oh, seeking out new experiences, healthy ones at this point, and, and new practices that I can give that I can, put in my daily routine that will help me, with that and, ice bath last year was like something that was just enough intensity and pain, for five minutes that would give me like a kick for the whole day. And, for the past years, and I still do it every, almost every morning is I do 10 minutes of breath work, which is like intense breathing that gives you a mini high and you spend a little bit and that feeling of Oh, like the tingling in your body. When I have this a little bit every day, that's my, that's the mini high that, that cancels the big high that I'm chasing after a while. So I think that's, what, that's what it was. And then, So I've done it for a month, then I did it like every two days, then I went to the

Niall: 25:47

dealer. Would you have the ice delivered every day?

Tue-Si: 25:50

Yeah, so I had a, so at the beginning I went to Family Mart and things like this and it would have eight bag of ice and then the water gets, colder and colder as you do it every day. So it then it's six bags and stuff like that. And then I found an ice dealer and that's the whole joke that we made. Yeah, that's the whole joke we made for the. For that interview was like, I hadn't, I haven't had an ice dealer and I would just call him and be like, Hey, bring me 50 kilograms of ice. And he's yeah, dealing. And he would bring those two big ice bag and I would put one in the, in a ice box. And then I would use one the next morning and 25 kilos of ice in a little tub is just it's just nice. And then like to be able to sit there for five minutes. First, again, I think it was just that one month of ice bath happened like maybe one month after the bad news, one month before the really bad news, two months before the hospital. And so it was just like, I think that's, That was preparing my resilience for this shit like this shit that is happening because I'm now sitting in like laying in this hospital Bed and I'm like, it's nothing against five minutes in a nice bath is really bad. You should

Niall: 27:01

daily updates of you in your ice bath. Where were the daily updates from you on your hospital bed?

Tue-Si: 27:06

It's I don't think my girlfriend would have appreciated it. And then I know, yeah, it was like, it was really bad. I didn't know if I was going to live. So I didn't want to publicize that.

Niall: 27:16

to watch. No, I'm no. I listened to, obviously I used to live in New Zealand. I still listen to New Zealand radio. And one of the DJs I listened to, he was doing, like cold showers every morning, which would in New Zealand was almost the equivalent of an ice bath because it was similar concept. He'd blast himself with cold water, wake up. And it was quite funny as they got into winter.

Tue-Si: 27:36

He's

Niall: 27:37

he's I can't do it

Tue-Si: 27:37

do it

Niall: 27:38

cold.'cause they're wa And I was like, I couldn't even do a cold shower in Vietnam if I wanted to because even at its coldest, the water comes

Tue-Si: 27:46

warm.

Niall: 27:46

lukewarm yeah, No such thing as blasting as

Tue-Si: 27:49

you dealer. Yeah. an ice dealer. yeah. Which is, perfect. And the ice dealer was Just for people that are wondering, not the Bohevian one, but, like I, and I stopped because I, my ice dealer doesn't deliver to my new building and I've been too busy finding another one and it's cause it's a whole logistic cause 25 kilos of ice from point of departure becomes 20 kilo when he gets to your apartment so they have to, math the thing and so they only delivers at 10 a. m. for restaurants, for example, and if you're not within that window, Impossible, but that was like, I

Niall: 28:26

Who knew about ice logistics? Yeah. probably. They're like, yeah,

Tue-Si: 28:30

it was a 50, 50, 50 K per kilo, man. No, 50 K per 25. So there's 100 K. So 50 K for one bath, like a 2. It's like cheaper than a coffee. It's like literally two coffees in Vietnam because coffee is really cheap here. But, like literally, and that, that gives you a, that, that wakes you up, that gives you a kick, that teaches you resilience. And that allows you to, cause, cause it's hard. It never gets easy. And then, so the fact that you sit yourself for five minutes and you go, Up the mountain and then you get there and then you just come out. You're like, yeah, I showed up for myself and I told my body don't like, and so that's, that was really nice. And I'm, it's been, it's still there on my new little, life system where there's a check for ice bath and it hasn't been checked in the past, like six months and I'm so mad at myself and my girlfriend has been like, let's go buy her some ice. Let's go buy some ice. I was like, what's up with ice?

Niall: 29:21

And I was like, what the fuck?

Tue-Si: 29:22

Are you in down for it?

Niall: 29:24

ha. No, I, have a controversial question for you, right?

Tue-Si: 29:27

Go ahead.

Niall: 29:28

You've mentioned this word a few times and I find that this word lately, especially in the last 6 to 12 months, is so overused and I can't turn on the TV, I can't listen to a podcast, I can't hear anything without this word being mentioned and it's trauma.

Tue-Si: 29:44

Trauma, yeah,

Niall: 29:46

What do you think, is it become a buzzword or too many people using it? Like I'm not denigrating

Tue-Si: 29:52

yeah, Are you?

Niall: 29:53

yeah, I'm not, not accusing you of not having trauma, but I sometimes hear people talk about oh, there's trauma I went through and I'm like, I, could probably say I had a traumatic childhood. My parents went through a divorce, right? Everybody did. So you're we've all lived through trauma. I don't know anybody who didn't live through some sort of traumatic event. So again, maybe I'm, we're the same age, I don't know if maybe I'm just getting older and I'm looking at the younger people and I'm like, stop saying you live through trauma because we've all lived through trauma. You fucking Gen Zers. that you're Gen

Tue-Si: 30:26

Don't be yeah, no, I, I. So within what you explain, yeah, so definitely the word trauma has been overused. is being overused. just like the word addiction, really, people use the word, I'm an addict.

Niall: 30:40

Because they need to have a trauma. That's what I feel like

Tue-Si: 30:45

I think it's like It's one of those words and then very honestly you can use the same technique for any big words like people's talk about love Like it's something because love and then you ask them, but what is love and you're like And then the same thing is like if you someone use the word trauma is oh, so what is trauma for you And then you'll, probably know if they're using it as a cover or as a blank statement, or they're actually connecting the word trauma to something that actually happened. and I do not denigrate anyone that has actually trauma, defined trauma, because it takes a lot of, courage to define your traumas. And if you just use, I have traumas and you don't take the courage to go and define them and look at them in the face and be like, this is the problem, then you're just like playing the victim card, I feel, and, I don't want to bash on anyone that has taken that step of bravery and courage to go like, Oh, I'm going to go and fucking go in there and be like, Oh, it's because it's, yeah, it's yeah, I definitely think that there is, an overuse of it. I've used. That's

Niall: 31:55

That's my old man rant for the episode. Sometimes I know I'm getting older when I'm like

Tue-Si: 31:58

Get that get over it. Young kid.

Niall: 32:01

basically I'm like,

Tue-Si: 32:03

Yeah.

Niall: 32:04

so tell us more about where are, you've mentioned in the beginning, you're the CEO of a company. You're obviously still recovering or recovered. I guess you're as, I understand from addiction, you're always an addict.

Tue-Si: 32:15

You're always an addict. That's, that, that's the phrasing. So I'm, also. I've been taught this and it made sense at some point in my life because everything just makes sense at a certain seasons of your life and, and I, so in some settings where I'm talking about addiction, I will say I'm always an addict because this is me paying respect to the system. of addiction. but in, in the current life that I'm having right now, I do not want my identity, that my main identity, the main hat that I'm wearing now to be the addict, hat. I think I've used it. I've overused it. And I've made a name for myself on that. And I'm always ready to, and open, to be vulnerable about it, talk about it. But my two years of addiction doesn't weigh on, fucking, Johnny Depp's addiction or people that are actually still after 10 years, still in the thick of it. and so I'm, I don't want to be known as the crystal meth guy. Like it's a badge of honor or anything like this. Like I would be here to help. I'm here compassionately to talk about my experience, but two years of addiction is two years of addiction. there is more to that. So right now in 2024, my main identity is more, the, taking responsibility and, getting back into society in that sense where so I've, I'm business partner in, in a digital marketing agency called TechOne. If you need any type of SEO marketing, we're more than welcome SEO marketing for e commerce. We're, here for you. And, since I'm the COO, what happened is, I've, Specialized myself in, in, in life system to get out of addiction. And I realized that life systems, business systems and all systems, operations and stuff like that, everything is related. It's all, a rhythm. It's all, ask yourself the right questions at the right time, and you'll get the right answer. And you'll, and then you create the right execution and tasks for those things and things should just flow. So far after two years, things have been working out very, well.

Niall: 34:25

battling with addiction, what would be your piece of advice to them?

Tue-Si: 34:32

piece of advice to I It's been a while. of advice It depends on each drug addict is on its own journey. I think it's really starting with the proper support system. I think that's It's a hard question. I don't think it's easy. I do not know, actually, what I can give as a piece of advice. Is, when you're at rock bottom as a drug addict, you'll know. Cause, as I explained it, there is that choice that you have to make. And when you're ready to look up, then I have plenty of advices at that point. But, but I was unhelpable, unadvisable, until I was willing to receive help. And that's part of the 12 steps. And when you, when the, I have plenty of advices that for the people that already humbled themselves saw that their ego was the main problem and decided to not die but to give death to their ego in that sense and then look up and be like, I need help. I need the help and then at that point then surround yourself with the right environment and the right people. Not the people that give you the advice. That advice always made me laugh in retrospect now. It's just You should just stop there and just say no,

Niall: 36:05

a nice bath

Tue-Si: 36:07

just, say no. It's so easy. Fully ridden of their own set of bad habits and things. Just say no. And just anyway, and it was just like, but it's most people that are, you don't need advisor around you when we talk about support system is people that are willing to listen and not shame you for how childish, immature, trauma ridden, and broken and unlogical. You might sound the people that are, that would be able to sit through the pain with you. And, and cause there is, there's, always something that you're trying to say. And then when you're done saying it, they just go, Oh, fuck it. that's pretty deep, man. And that's it. And it just move on with it. And then when they get to that side, when you get that person in your life, they, you will give them usually the. the power to also call you bullshit. And that's because you need to be listened before you need to be taught, some things. Just Oh, you've listened to me. I've give you that trust. Now, if I act like a kid and you can tell me, and I think it's important to have that. And then also like you will relapse and it's okay. You will, have your weak moments and you will fall again. But the more you learn that cycle and the more you build the right habits for you That's what I would advise.

Niall: 37:33

credit to you for where you are now on your journey. Thank you so much for sharing the story the first time. Sharing it again as well. It takes a lot of bravery and I do really appreciate that. I remember when you came on the first time, it was, it took a lot for you to share that, and it was the first time that you'd, shared

Tue-Si: 37:49

that. Yeah. I shared it a little bit in my own podcast, but like with you, it was like the perfect time in 2022 where I was, Yeah, that's it. It was like two years that I was out of this and I, I could finally put words like, spoken words to the experience that I was having. And even that now it's a little bit different because you, it only matures in that sense. But yeah, at that time it was the first time that someone was interviewing me and I put it on the internet and that's why that a lot of people wanted to know that side of the story. and again, drug addict to AC is not someone that, we should. there is so many things that I'm still asking for forgiveness. I'm saying like, I don't want to beauty whoever was Tue-Si back in 2017, 2018, there is I've hurt people, I've deeply hurt people have deeply used people and have deeply used myself. And I deeply unloved myself. And so there was a lot of work that I needed to do and I'm still doing of, forgiveness and self forgiveness. And I think that's where, that's where the more serious 2AC comes out. It's just I don't want to forget about that time. and I still have a lot of apologies to do. there is some people that have

Niall: 39:04

well done and it's good that you are still working on it and you, absolutely credit to you. So Thank you. very much for coming on season 10 of a Vietnam podcast, which is incredible. We'd stopped for a long time and I decided to come back. I wrote down a list of previous guests and obviously your name was there. up the top of that list. So thank you very much for listening to this episode. thank you to Too Easy for coming on. Remember, subscribe, follow, do all that good stuff. The best thing you can do is share this episode with somebody else so we can help grow the podcast as well. And thank you very much. Thank you. Cheers.