Journey to Self Worth Through the Terrain of Dating

Embark on a profound exploration of love and life as we invite Camille Essek of the Speaker Podcast to unravel the twisted paths of modern dating. With a landscape filled with digital illusions and fleeting connections, Camille, a powerhouse of wit and wisdom, joins us to dissect the chaos of swiping left and right. Reflect with us on the beauty of solitude and the lessons learned while stepping back to breathe amidst the search for a kindred spirit. Our heartfelt discussion illuminates the essence of self-worth and the courage to seek out a love that complements one's journey of self-discovery.

As your hosts, we open up about our personal strides down the road less traveled, where self-care morphs into an art form. Hear tales of how a simple walk on the treadmill, a nutritious homemade meal, or the soothing cascade of a waterfall showerhead can become the foundation of a 'soft life' you craft for yourself. We share the intimate details of our day-to-day rituals, serving as a testament to the power of nurturing your body and soul with the same tenderness you would show to a cherished companion.

To cap off this enriching session, we turn to the time-honored traits that make up the fabric of a strong partnership. Drawing from the well of generational wisdom and our own experiences, we dissect the evolving definition of a provider—beyond the material—and offer insights into the delicate dance of patience and discernment in the world of dating. As we bid farewell, we extend our gratitude to you, our community, for walking with us through these conversations. Your engagement and love elevate our musings, and together, we forge connections that transcend the airwaves.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil and Renee, where amazing things happen.

Speaker 2: 0:10

Our goal is to help build, repair and restore healthy relationships.

Speaker 1: 0:15

Hey, rich, ma'am, it's Renee and Gil from the Rich Relationship Refuge and for a change.

Speaker 2: 0:21

We have a guest.

Speaker 1: 0:22

Because we know you guys are tired of seeing us and talking to y'all about just marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage and relationship, relationship, relationship. Well, we decided to bring on someone that is in that space, but not in that space, just to give a different perspective.

Speaker 2: 0:36

Yeah, so we have our amazing rich friend, and we talked about what our rich friends are. If you don't know, go back and look at another episode. But this is our rich friend. Her name is Camille Essek. She is the creator and owner of the Speaker Podcast and she's going to share from her perspective because most of the time she's interviewing people. So today we are going to interview Camille and it'll be a switch and it'll be an opportunity for her to be able to share all the amazing things that God is doing in her life. So, camille, thank you so much for being with us tonight.

Speaker 3: 1:12

Hi, gil and Renee, thank you for joining me. It's an honor and a blessing to be here, so thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:17

We appreciate it. Camille was probably one of the first people that I think you interviewed us, or we interviewed you as far as the connection, but regardless, it was five years ago. We were talking about that before we got started, and that goes to show you that this is a long journey and for people who are in it, who are in this space, that is something that is so important. So you were there with us at the beginning, when we didn't know what we was doing same same Same.

Speaker 3: 1:47

Both new to the podcasting space, so it's still be connected and reconnect after this year, so it's really great.

Speaker 1: 1:55

I know it's so good, especially the reason why I'm sorry Renee set this one up and I think about when we talk to couples a lot of times, especially if they're in that dating space they really don't know how to approach what they're doing from a relationship space. Not that they don't know how to be in a relationship, but we always kind of focused on it from a marriage perspective and even though we were single, it was a lot of years ago.

Speaker 3: 2:24

Yes, it was a lot of years ago and things may have changed.

Speaker 1: 2:27

you know, especially those who have children, they always say it wasn't like that when y'all were growing up. It's different now.

Speaker 2: 2:35

So we want you to share from your perspective, camille, how, if you would, if you would have had to describe the terrain, the dating terrain in this day and age, if you had to make it a movie, what would you name it? The dating terrain in this day and age.

Speaker 3: 2:54

Diabolical Wow.

Speaker 1: 2:58

Wow, that's an aggressive one. I got to hear some more about that one.

Speaker 2: 3:02

Tell us more. Tell us more. Why would you say diabolical? I got to hear some more about that one.

Speaker 3: 3:05

Tell us more, tell us more. Why would you say diabolical? Just because now that we have social media and the conversations and the fact that you have so many people that have access to a microphone and a platform and social media, and so now it's become like a landmine. I guess that would be the sequel Landmine, navig, navigating these spaces and conversations and then adding on people that are not healed and whole. So imagine people that are not healed or whole with the platform and everyone's putting in their tooth in.

Speaker 3: 3:42

So you have a traditional mindset when it comes to dating, courting.

Speaker 3: 3:55

Then you have what we call the red pill, blue pill community. You have the 50, 50 community and then when we bring in race, gender and then colorism so to be a black woman, brown skin, black woman and then you add an ageism, so brown skin, black women over 30. So see how this goes. And then add on core systems, like you add in christianity versus being a muslim, or what we call new age spiritualism, where people don't say God anymore, jesus Christ, they want to talk about the higher power in the universe and crystals and sages and manifestation. So you have all these ideas converging in a social media space and then having to weed through um out here on top of you, figuring out what you want and what you need and seeing if that aligns with someone else and their beliefs. Then you throw in if you want to be abstinent or do you feel like there's nothing wrong with something on the first date? There's a lot of different core values swirling around in this field of life, love and relationship.

Speaker 2: 5:12

What is it for, if you had to? For you, what has been your experience? I know all that stuff is out there, but for you, what has been your experience? Just personal? Your experience, like? I know all that stuff is out there, but for you, what has been your experience? Just personal?

Speaker 3: 5:27

your experience. It's been interesting for me personally. I've been single for four years. Four years, yes, four years.

Speaker 3: 5:39

I've been single by choice only because, um, I feel that I needed to really sit down and discover what do I really want, what really matters to me? And so when you're younger, you know most women in your younger years, you have a list right Of X, y, z. But as you get older, some of those things on the list they don't matter and you start to realize, okay, we still have some things here that we need and we want, but what really matters because you're looking at, you know, choosing, you know husband, father, leadership, relationship with God there are other things that are now priority and more important. There are other things that are now priority and more important. So for me it's been, um, in the last four years, non-existent, just because I've opted to focus on me and just really hone in on some things before I can say I want my dream guy making sure I'm that dream woman and making sure.

Speaker 3: 6:41

And I've turned the list back on myself because I feel like it's so unfair to demand all these things from my man, but it's like, but what about? What are you bringing to the table, and so to put those things to the side, but in turning that mirror back on myself and working and focusing more on me, and not just to be married, but just to make sure I'm a blessing to myself, the people I interact with on a daily basis in my community. Do I want to be married still? Yes, of course, but I want to make sure we can have things from our past that hurt us. But sometimes we can have residue from those past relationships and we need to make sure that we're staying in the presence of God If we're doing therapy, if we're reading, exercising, doing all the things necessary to burn that residue off, because you don't want to bring that not only to your next chapter of your relationship, but just in your next chapter of life when it comes to your purpose and your assignments.

Speaker 1: 7:39

Well, you gave a lot of wisdom right there. I mean, I'm still stuck back at the red pill and the blue pill from what you said at the very, very beginning, which is, I think, so important for people who may not be familiar with that fantasy type world. So, and you gave some other deeper spiritual aspects of it. But I wanted to ask, based on what you said about you're single by choice. Why is that important for you and what does that journey look like for someone who may be navigating that same space? What does that mean when? What are you kind of working on? Or the wisdom that you're gaining from where you were before you started dating to where you are now?

Speaker 3: 8:27

Being single by choice and, in this space, taking more time to evaluate the people I interact with, being more selective of individuals in my circle, people that what I call in my inner court, and realizing are you conducive to my future, my purpose and my assignment? And if you're not, I have to move you to the outer court, right. Taking more time, not dating, sitting back and revisiting some of those relationships and saying, you know, even though these people, you know, approach me but I allow them to say why is that? And going back and revisiting some red flags I missed. And being honest and okay, this person may have done that, but did I walk down the red flag to a green? You know, and there's accountability in those things too, because you know you want to be married, you want to have a family, and so we minimize some red flags and say, oh, maybe it's not a red, maybe it's a yellow. No, it was definitely red flag, you know. And we ignore things because we want to certain things and also in times, speaking in general terms, we can how can I word this? We can choose to be in a relationship not thinking about our full potential. We're just at this level, not realizing there's another level to you and evolution of your personality. There's another evolution or level in your spiritual life. There's another evolution in your personal life within yourself. And so is this person good Because right now this is great. And so is this person good, because right now this is great.

Speaker 3: 10:06

But can this person grow with you through the ebbs and flows of life in the next 10 to 20 years? Because who you are at 25 is not the same at 40. And we hear a lot of times in relationships oh, they change. They should. If you marry someone and they're the same person. Let's say, you get married at 25 and now you're 45 and they're the same person. If, let's say, you get married at 25 and now you're 45 and they're the same person, is that really a good thing? Because there should be a maturation in that process and most people evolve and change every five. I think the statistics say every three to five years.

Speaker 3: 10:37

So every three to five years you're meeting a new version of that person and so there needs to be grace and stretch within the relationship that you can grow into the relationship.

Speaker 3: 10:49

You can stretch with that person and grow with that person, because you hear the vows for better or for worse. But to be better means that right now you're good, so for better or worse means at some point, if you're good, you're going to get better. So you should be able to get better with that person. And so taking that time to sit with yourself and knowing your own voice and being able to really hear and discern the voice of God. So when someone does approach you and in a scenario where maybe they want to go to lunch and you sit down and have lunch, you can hear them speaking, but then you can also hear God because your discernment has heightened and in that conversation they can talk to you, they can be fine, the Holy Ghost can kick in and be like so those things are important and that's what that looks like If you're walking out a faith-based, god-based, christ-based dating and relationship scenario within yourself. Wow.

Speaker 2: 11:47

I think that's really important, that, like you said, sitting with yourself, I think that's an important part of the journey. We are in the process right now of finishing a book and it's called the Single Blueprint to Dating and Marriage, because I think, like from our conversation, conversations I've had with other of my friends who are single women, who are secure in their singleness Let me say that being single does not mean there's something wrong with you. It doesn't mean that you're broken. Sometimes being single a part of it is everyone is single, everyone starts off single, so singleness is a part of the journey, and so why look down on any part of the journey?

Speaker 2: 12:35

And so the reason why we did this book was because I realized a lot of people I wanted to talk about this grew up in church, like we didn't grow up in church, so for us, our dating was a long process of dating. So for you, you you grew up in church, correct? So what was? What were you taught about dating from the people around you? What does dating look like from what you were taught?

Speaker 3: 13:01

growing up oh, growing up in church you went to college and it was like you go to college to graduate, but also find a husband, by a certain age you should be married or dating according, and if you're not then there's something wrong with you. And then if you do get married, then there's pressure oh, when are you going to have your first child? You know, and that. And then being grown up in the South I mean honestly, growing up in the third generation I was solid, so in that arena there was a degree, you know, I think it's getting better now, but during that time there is a stigma as far as, by a certain age, not being married, not having a child, you know you're kind of looked at like, well, what's wrong with her, you know.

Speaker 3: 13:54

I've had one of my previous first ladies growing up in church. I was in the Navy and joined the Navy and during that time and in a conversation with her she was like you know, you're right on those men and you still can't find a man, and that hurt, like to be antagonized for not having a man, not being married, and so, um, yeah, that that's been my experience with that. Uh, of course I've. I've learned to separate. That's not all churches, that does not apply to all first ladies.

Speaker 2: 14:34

Right.

Speaker 3: 14:34

My experience with that person and I'm not one to say, well, all that's just like saying all black people are all white. Right, we're not a monolith, you know, let me put that out there. But that was just my experience with that particular individual.

Speaker 1: 14:52

So, knowing what you know now from, like you were saying, the experience you mentioned earlier about having those life experiences that you have and bringing those into your current relationships, or even as you're setting up let's just say setting up to start dating or if you haven't gotten to that point, why is it so important that, whether it's a young lady or young man, spend time getting to know themselves?

Speaker 3: 15:15

you know, based on what you knew then, versus what you know now, whether you're in the church or out of it To know that happiness comes from within and that a person does not complete you or make you happy, because if that person walks out and you put all your expectation for them to make you happy or complete you and, let's say, they walk out of the door, that can destroy your world and tear you apart in ways you cannot imagine, not to say it's not going to hurt but if you sit with yourself and you know who you are.

Speaker 3: 15:48

You know who you are in God. You know who you are as far as your purpose and your assignment. Being able to hear the sound of your own voice, being able to hear, recognize God's voice within you without external interference, it's another level of confidence you know, knowing who you are being sure of yourself.

Speaker 3: 16:06

Growing up, you know I was an are being sure of yourself. Growing up, you know I was an introvert. I'm still naturally introverted, but as a little girl I was introverted, unless I just really knew you. I did not speak up for myself, you know, I didn't know my own voice, I didn't know the strength of my own voice and so coming into my early twenties, it created issues and situations because I did not know how to speak up for myself. Because I want it to be like, I want it to be validated, I want it to be loved, you know.

Speaker 3: 16:37

And so when you don't use your voice, people can take advantage, they can manipulate, be deceptive, you excuse a lot of bad behavior and so when you're sitting with yourself, you need to know, even if it's simple, as I don't know, I don't like, I love orange juice, just for example, I don't like orange juice, I love apple juice. Or I turn my toilet paper this way or that way Just knowing your likes and your dislikes. And also to know your boundaries, because when someone comes in and let's say, let's say you've been dating for a year and and your tradition in your home is, I leave my shoes at the door, and that person comes over and they just walk all through your house because you like them, you like you, allow them to walk all through your place and inside you're just like, oh, you know you're gritting your teeth and you become upset with yourself. But it's like no, speak up, like, hey, you're great, but you know, here we take off our shoes at the door, just like that, on your day to day.

Speaker 3: 17:38

So when you bring other people into your circle, it's not to say that you're not flexible or that you don't compromise on things that are good and knowing how to interact with other people compromise on things that are good and knowing how to interact with other people, but certain things that are, if they're, if it's interrupting your value, your core, your spiritual life with God. But you need to be able to know and recognize that for yourself, without other people. So when other people come in to your life, you can say, okay, this is good for me, that's good for me, I don't, it's not bad, but it's just not good for me. That's good for me, I don't, it's not bad, but it's just not good for me.

Speaker 2: 18:10

And just knowing where lines can be drawn or boundaries, that so yeah I think that's so important because you and I've been talking about a lot this week.

Speaker 2: 18:21

Um, you know, people say the devil is in the details, but then the bible says it's the small foxes that destroy the vine. So to me he when I could put those two together the devil is into the details. So we need to be into the details and those little small things that we. Oh, it's okay if he puts his hand on my shirt and I'm okay, I'm not, because if you're okay with that leaving you're taking you're not sure taking your shoes off. Then you'll be okay with other things. And so I think it's important that you're sharing it, because so many times as women, we don't realize that our bodies belong to us and that people can only do to us what we let them. So we need to learn how to establish those kinds of boundaries, know what we like and don't like, and so I think it's beautiful that you kind of made it real clear left no room for misinterpretation about what does it mean to know yourself and really?

Speaker 3: 19:16

for me, it's a great time for self-development, like um recently.

Speaker 3: 19:17

Um, I've rediscovered my love for reading and saying, okay, like this week I want to read a certain book, in the next week I want to read another book. Um, incorporating more physical fitness back into my life. I had kind of let it go. And then today, about a couple hours ago, I did a mile and a half on my new walking pad from Amazon, just because I'm like you know what, you know I'm in decent shape, but you know, you know you are a lot better.

Speaker 3: 19:45

So it's like let's make this a goal to do at least a mile and a half every day, and so today I got in my first mile and a half. I made myself a Chipotle bowl. You know it's healthy greens, fresh veggies, like I did, the turkey meat and my tomato and corn and rice and fresh avocado, fresh tomato and drinking my water and drinking my mango lemonade and things like that, I feel good.

Speaker 2: 20:14

Doing it for myself.

Speaker 3: 20:15

it's so good Watching 9-1-1 with Angela Bassett while I was doing my mile and a half.

Speaker 1: 20:25

It's like that. It's so funny. You mean you weren't doing all that for the future guy, or whether you're dating, or whether you're getting ready to get married.

Speaker 3: 20:34

You weren't doing that for them no, that's the key, really, and the reason why I say this is because you know we want to achieve things, we want to do things, but our body is a temple and the Bible talks about stewardship, and stewardship goes beyond money stewardship, your body, stewardship over your health. Um, concentrating on the three b's your brain, your body and your brain. You know, and I feel good about me. I want you know. Summer is coming, my birthday is in june. I want to look cute in my sundress for me you know, in order to do that.

Speaker 3: 21:10

I'm getting starting to get a little older and I don't want to wake up and my knees and things are cracking and popping you know, they will anyway though right, but it's like, well, let's prolong it, and it elevates my feeling of self.

Speaker 3: 21:27

I feel refreshed. Refreshed, I feel vibrant, I feel alive and just how that feels for me. And I was getting close to my first mile and a half on the machine and I got to like 1.4 and I was by myself and I was like, yeah, camille, you're doing like. I was cheering myself on, like look at you, girl, you got your first moment, and just that moment with myself. It felt good.

Speaker 2: 21:52

Words of affirmation.

Speaker 3: 21:54

And it's not for a man, you know, okay, but what about you know? The joy within yourself. That's what matters.

Speaker 1: 22:04

Right.

Speaker 2: 22:05

The reason why I laugh is because Gil laughs.

Speaker 1: 22:08

That I like that show you mentioned. She'll binge watch it. I'm like. I would have never thought. And you kind of mentioned this before when you talked about change in relationships and in the person that you're with. Whether you're dating or married, that person is going to change.

Speaker 2: 22:27

Yes.

Speaker 1: 22:27

I would have never thought Renee would have been interested in a first responder type show about all these crazy episodes.

Speaker 2: 22:37

So be open to being with, and I think that's one of the things I say. I think it's important that you know who you are, because how can you really give yourself away if you've not done the work? And it is so good to see you doing the work, to hear you doing the work and that you're enjoying it, because I believe that when we find us, then the other people will be able to find us, because I think for me, because I had such low self-esteem for so many years and the Lord was like, hey, beautiful, and I had to learn how to respond to that, because I had to start saying that to myself. So so many times we respond to what we hear in our head and so we, like you're talking about encouraging yourself, cheering yourself on. We have to start doing that for ourselves so that when we hear it, it's not.

Speaker 2: 23:25

You read a book. She calls me daddy, and one of the things that talked about was don't let some guy on the street be the first person to tell your daughter that she's beautiful. You need to tell her that. And so we need to tell ourselves as women we're beautiful, we're smart, we're capable, because if we don't say it, we'll never respond to it when we hear it from somewhere else.

Speaker 1: 23:46

Now I got a question. Okay, so you've been working on this.

Speaker 3: 23:50

I was gonna add little things I do for myself and recently I bought myself some flowers and I was just it brightened up the space and it's like, and I love, you know, roses or orchids or lilies, so whatever you know. They have. Like, all these are pretty like where I have a thing on Sunday I make myself brunch, and that's like my love language to myself on Sundays I make myself brunch. Or, uh, treating my body better. You know, I'm single. I don't have a husband to carry all this water for me all the time. So what did I do? Um, I got an account with Walmart and once a week I have them to deliver my groceries for me, because that takes stress and pressure off of my mind. I don't have to worry about kids crying. I'm not frustrated trying to carry all these groceries by myself. There's just little things where I can be more gracious to myself as a woman.

Speaker 3: 24:45

And we're always looking for the term now, a soft life. You want some man to give you the soft life. Girl, give give yourself the soft life, girl, please my shower head and got the new. There's a new waterfall shower head out. I got it and installed it myself because, at the end of the day I want to be able to relax and it's like, camille, you can do this, you know, and some of the little things it may seem small to some people but that's major to me making myself brunch, ordering my groceries, reading my book, journaling, exercising and those little things support and replenish into my heart every day and I think we as a people, if we take the time, we're always looking for other people to do those things. But it's like you can do that and start with you.

Speaker 1: 25:32

You know, I have to applaud you because one description that came to my mind was he that finds a wife, finds a good thing, which means that tells me that you are already having those skills and those attributes of a wife while you're single.

Speaker 1: 25:51

It doesn't say he defines a rabbi or a quickie.

Speaker 1: 25:52

Yeah, you have already.

Speaker 1: 25:54

And because and this is not, I'm not speaking for all guys, I'm just speaking for my 35 years of experience from being married to one woman that when you are in, when you find a woman who is developing everything that you just described over the last few minutes, of those attributes of self-care, being conscious about what you're trying to achieve, whether it's professionally or even physically, mentally, spiritually, those are the things that he may be looking for.

Speaker 1: 26:26

That's what he should be looking for. So my question that I wanted to kind of pose to you you have achieved a level of consciousness, and where you're at professionally and those types of things, how do you, from a person, like you said, you're at a you're not a young, 20 plus year old just getting started in this world, how do you navigate? You've got it all together now, not saying that we're not complete, but how would it be to incorporate that guy when he does come along, if you've already done all the things that I really traditionally that guys have always looked to do when they for their, for their woman, when they get into the relationship, you know whether it's the carrying of the water or changing the shower head. Do you think it would be a challenge for him to move into those spaces?

Speaker 3: 27:18

No, I'm doing it because he's not here.

Speaker 1: 27:21

And I'm not tall.

Speaker 3: 27:23

I'm only five foot four so I have to climb up for things to get it done. But it's about being willing to allow someone in your space because there are people that can become so fixed into their routines that no one can come in the right heart and motive and discernment. You can see that. Okay, let me.

Speaker 3: 27:56

Let me see what mr man, the man of god, is talking about right, right, and that comes with trust and provision, and we hear the word. You know, a man is supposed to provide, but and I was thinking about this earlier actually I was thinking about my grandfather, and he's no longer living on my grandparents and he was a provider. But he provided more than just a physical house and money or a car right, he provided protection. He provided security. When we look at this security, that is also emotional security, psychological security, spiritual security and providing a space where we knew he would cover us, protect us.

Speaker 3: 28:38

Little things, and I was sitting on my couch earlier and I was thinking about him. He taught me how to ride my bike, even though he had business acumen. I don't remember the money he made or you know, even though he did leave a legacy, but for me his legacy were the memories he's right drive. When I was three, four or five years old and it was nap time. It wasn't my grandmother, he was the one that, rocking chair holding me, couldn't sing I remember him singing rock-A-Bye Baby, and he would rock me to sleep.

Speaker 3: 29:13

He was a very manly man, but he was so in tune because I was this little brown-skinned little girl with ponytails he would rock me to sleep. Or if my teeth started losing my teeth, he pulled my teeth when it came to tools, because I was a granddaddy's girl. You know, I fell in love with sports because of him our thing on sundays we would sit on the couch and watch football or basketball or whatever. You know those moments with him. So he provided those things for me.

Speaker 3: 29:50

And so whoever God has to come into my life it's not just about what you're bringing to the table with your portfolio and your wallet and your bank account. What are you offering that you can provide for me? Security, reliability, your integrity, your character, your intention and we people all have intentions that are bad, you know. And so all of those things together. And then also trust, because any woman I don't care what she's achieved If she doesn't trust him, she's not going to allow him into the space. So it's not so much about you trying to persuade me that you're a good man, but just showing up and just being good, being a good man, and me seeing that in you. And I don't think that any woman that really desires marriage. If she's doing all these things changing shower heads or whatever if he's in the space, she's naturally going to fall back and allow him to be that person. Honestly, I didn't want to do this anyway, sir.

Speaker 1: 30:58

That's so awesome that you said that, because you have a measuring or a standard, now that your granddad said that you can measure this person up against. Not that you're looking to replace him, but at least you have a, a marker or something to identify this guy. Whoever it may be, the things that you're looking for was it? Was it like that at the beginning, when you're younger days, when you were dating? Now versus now?

Speaker 3: 31:27

oh lord, no I. You know a teenager on the college campus, you know being in college, but now you know being older and wiser. A lot of times recently, a lot of conversations with my grandfather have come back to me when I was younger, at 17, 18, 19,. He would talk to me after breakfast at the table and it wasn't really clicking, but he was really. I think he was really pouring the best way he could because I really feel like he knew he would not live long enough to see me at the age and so he really gave me a lot of gems and nuggets as a little girl, as a teenager, up until, you know, he passed away when I was 20.

Speaker 1: 32:16

Planting seeds 29.

Speaker 3: 32:18

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 32:19

He was planting seeds, and so now there are so many times where I go back and I think about the conversations that he and I had, you know, as a child, and I hold on to those things, even the moments when I was a little girl. Or when I was a little girl he would take me with him because he had season tickets to the baseball games that he would take me, or he would be in his garage cleaning and messing with his fishing tools, and even though he was a very manly man, he still allowed those, what I call those daddy daughter moments, like he would like right hair or paint his nails and you know I'll put makeup on, put makeup on his face.

Speaker 3: 33:00

But if I had the lip gloss, oh, don't put that on me. You know, yeah, we had a boundary now, you know. But he was he like you're pulling too hard but he still allowed me to be a little girl and be feminine and even in his manly, alpha male personality he allowed my femininity as a child. So when you're looking at adult male future husband, whoever he is, he can be the most masculine alpha male, but he still allows Camille to be feminine and to be and be the fully feminine womanly woman. That I am right and it has nothing to do with him being insecure about his manhood, but he's so secure in who he is he allows me to flourish in who I am that's beautiful.

Speaker 2: 33:45

I think that's beautiful and it's important that you paint those kind of pictures because some people don't have those examples. So I really appreciate you paint those kind of pictures, because some people don't have those examples. So I really appreciate you really painting that out so that people have a picture in their mind of what it's supposed to look like to be in a relationship with someone that is not like them. So I have a question If you were to give advice to someone who is just starting out on this journey of dating, what would be some advice you would share with her so that she would know that how to avoid some of the pitfalls of dating in this day and age?

Speaker 2: 34:27

And this diabolical dating.

Speaker 3: 34:30

Pray and get your discernment on a thousand.

Speaker 2: 34:32

Wow. So if I were to say so, how do I do that, though? I mean, how do I know if my discernment is higher? I mean for someone who doesn't know, let's say somebody who doesn't go to church, the word of God, the word of God Getting in your word.

Speaker 3: 34:48

You know your word. Pray, talk to god, um, ask him to lead and guide you. Um, to show you the pitfalls in the beginning, um, that you don't judge. You don't judge a book by its character, but you also don't base your decisions based on what it looks like. I would say.

Speaker 3: 35:08

Over the last 10 years, one of my prayers has been Lord, if they're here to hurt me, to harm me, to keep me from my purpose, reveal them to me, show them to me and then move them out of the way. Simplest prayer I've ever prayed, and he's done it every time. Did I always listen? No, but he did that, and not just in my dating situation, but my personal situations, with friends or relatives or whomever just people I meet, just asking God to open up your eyes and to be able to hear him to guide you. You know, the word of God says you know all things work together for good. It also says that the steps of a good man or woman are ordered by the Lord. Right, but you have to be able to put yourself in a position for to be led by God, to hear, to see. Also, take more time for self-development, right, if you want to be married, you're going to meet different types of people and you need to be able to hold conversation right. Your conversation just can't be here and in a box. And if you're a church girl, travel, you know. Being in the military, I've been able to see and go places I thought I would never imagine, but it also helped me to be able to connect with people outside of my little zip code. Right, being more well-rounded, being able to connect with people from different walks of life. Find things that you like, study, you know, hobbies, habits, go on YouTube, explore, try different meals, learn how to cook something else other than your traditional Sunday dinner. You know, really take time to point to yourself.

Speaker 3: 36:43

But, more importantly, the first one one, he's not the only one. Maybe he's just meant to be a friend. Just because you meet and you go out for coffee doesn't mean he's your future husband. You know, women we get excited. Oh girl, I think I met the one girl. You don't even know his last name. He may be, but just give the chance and the opportunity to just be friends, because it's one thing to love somebody, but make sure you like them, you know that's a friendship's important Um, what else? Um, be patient, be gracious people. Uh, you meet people where they are.

Speaker 3: 37:22

You don't know what that man went through before he met you um and if he's doing things that's triggering triggering you from your last relationship maybe you need to pause dating and do some therapy and figure out why this man is triggering you, because maybe he doesn't even realize what he's doing, but it just reminds you of something and if you feel yourself clenching up and locking up, then maybe you need to revisit that and really explore why you're having that response. So I would definitely that would be some advice and just um, drink your water exercise. Um, everything's not meant for social media. Just because you went on your third coffee date at Starbucks with this person, you don't have to post. Just go enjoy the coffee. Keep your friends out of your business. Do not take advice from your girlfriends that are still bitter and broken from the last relationship. What else you gave so many?

Speaker 3: 38:24

nuggets girlfriends that are still bitter and broken from the last relationship. Wow, what else?

Speaker 1: 38:28

you gave so many nuggets right there and enjoy the moment.

Speaker 3: 38:32

Just because a man is being nice to you doesn't mean he wants you. Maybe he's just a nice guy. Um, I think sometimes we as women can be guilty of reading more into the situation of what it is. Maybe he was raised right and he has good manners, he's polite. That may be the case. But don't take every cue from a man as something more than what it is. Maybe it's just what it is and if he is interested in you, he'll let you know.

Speaker 2: 39:03

Yeah, he has to choose. I think we think we can choose, but we don't. We don't they choose. I think that was beautiful. How can people connect with you? How can they listen to your podcast and follow you on social media? Tell us all the things, okay.

Speaker 3: 39:19

Well, my name is Camille Essek. I'm on Instagram at Camille Essick. I'm on YouTube at CamilleEssickOfficial, or just type in my name. We're on Facebook at the Speaker Podcast. I'm on TikTok. I have a lot of fun over there. We do a lot of lifestyle things, a little comical things. I also do some product reviews there. I'm mainly working to build my YouTube channel, the Podcast, the Speaker Podcast. We're streaming across various platforms, such as iHeartRadio, spotify, pandora, afropod, all the places, stitcher, google, audible, all these streaming services. We are there, so yeah.

Speaker 1: 40:00

Wonderful. Well, we really appreciate you giving somebody man. You dropped so many nuggets. People are going to have to listen to this one, a multiple times and catch everything. I hope I said something good. No, you definitely did, and time just goes by so fast. Next thing you know it's like I said that. Them words of wisdom.

Speaker 2: 40:20

Yeah, you'll be able to listen to your own episode. He'd be like man that woman was wise. You'll be able to listen to your own episode and be like man.

Speaker 3: 40:26

That woman was wise, yes, and I would love to have you all come over to the speaker podcast, for I guess a reunion Just come over.

Speaker 2: 40:33

Yeah, absolutely, we'll do that, that'd be great, definitely. That'd be great. It is so good to speak with you. Oh no, thank you for being so open and sharing the behind the scenes, because sometimes we see what people look like on the screen and we don't know if there's work that goes into that.

Speaker 1: 40:50

So thank you for sharing that and all the technical stuff that happened yes, it's very different when you're on the other side of the microphone.

Speaker 2: 40:57

I was like, oh, these are hot yeah well, we love you, we appreciate you. So, guys, if you guys enjoyed this episode, please remember to download it. If you're listening, if you're watching, please like, subscribe, share and share this episode with your family and friends and we love you and you are more than enough and we will see you. Same time, same station. Share this video, leave us comments. Um watch more of our long content on YouTube. We create long content because we want to give you more than just 30 seconds or 15 seconds, so we try to make it at least 30 minutes. Now, remember, we're stronger together and we love you and you are more than enough so we'll see you guys next Saturday bye thank you for listening.

Speaker 1: 41:44

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Speaker 2: 41:54

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