Unresolved Trauma +Poor Communication = ?

What Problems Did you Bring into Your Marriage?
Ever wondered how past traumas can sneak into your current relationships and cause unexpected turmoil? On this episode of the Rich Relationship Podcast, Gil and Renee explore the depths of unresolved issues from the past, using poignant personal stories to illustrate their impact. Get ready to hear about Renee's childhood aversion to oranges and the family dynamics that shaped her views on submission. Plus, discover how past relationship experiences, like the infamous gas station incident, can come back to haunt you if not properly addressed.

Miscommunication and unmet expectations can be silent killers in any relationship. We dive into the necessity of articulating personal needs clearly to avoid misunderstandings and recurring conflicts. Learn practical tips for better communication and the importance of extending grace and empathy. Understand the difference between personal standards and inner vows, and how recognizing these can transform your relationship. Conflict is not just inevitable but can be an opportunity for growth if approached correctly.

Finally, we talk about the importance of God-honoring relationships, particularly in marriage, and the positive role social media can play in showcasing these values. Drawing from our 35 years of marriage and 19 years of working with couples, we emphasize the need for professional mental health support and encourage seeking therapy. Don't miss out on our wealth of content, including 900 videos, books, and live sessions. Thank you for being a part of our journey, and we look forward to connecting with you soon!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil and Renee, where amazing things happen.

Speaker 2: 0:10

Our goal is to help build, repair and restore healthy relationships. Marriage problems they're individual problems that we bring into our marriage and unfortunately, because we're married, we don't realize that those problems were there before, because we're married, we don't realize that those problems were there before, and it's all.

Speaker 1: 0:32

And even in this, it's we. You can always get better at anything as long as you practice it, especially when you get. You got to get the reps in, but when you get new skills, you have to apply it to your relationship, and so that's what we're going to be talking about. So we want to jump in, because we usually come on here for about a half hour and if you got something in the chat, put it in the chat and we'll see it there.

Speaker 1: 0:47

And if we don't respond online while we go on live, we'll definitely respond in the comments afterwards, and we'd like to share with the community all the things that we talk about, because we're all at different stages and at different areas in our relationship and we all can get better at our relationship as we share these things with you. So the first one we want to talk about is unresolved past traumas is number one. Unresolved past trauma. Hey, mr Mike, appreciate you joining us.

Speaker 1: 1:14

Hey, thanks for joining us so you can talk about the first one. You mentioned childhood. As we were getting ready, renee mentioned the childhood stuff and these are things that you bring into your relationship now or even in the future. If you're not in a relationship that you need to be conscious of, that can have an impact on your relationship. So you talk about that, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:31

And I think a lot of times we don't like. I was talking about the orange because growing up my mom gave me castor oil with an orange for a long time. I didn't like oranges because it made me think about taking castor oil with an orange for a long time. I didn't like oranges because it made me think about taking castor oil.

Speaker 1: 1:47

A bad experience.

Speaker 2: 1:48

Yeah, so my bad experience messed up my experience with orange. Well, now, recently, within the past, I'll say the past few months I actually like oranges again, but it took me a long time to overcome that. And so sometimes there's things that have happened to you when you were little, that in your from your past, that are still affecting you in your present. And one of the things that we noticed when we were talking with and working with couples over the years and just consistently, we realized that and we realized it in ourselves. Yeah, absolutely, because there are things that I did, that I did because I saw my parents do it, and there are things that Gil did because he started to, and there are things that we didn't like doing, like I'll use one example was submission.

Speaker 2: 2:30

Submission was a really big issue for me because the women in my family were very dominant and very strong, and so we have to be careful that we don't allow the way, the things that we experienced and the things that happened to us in our childhood to affect us in our present day relationship.

Speaker 1: 2:45

Because you always want to bring the best version of yourself. And if you're locked into or you're being held captive by some of the past things, that has happened to you and you bring it into. And that's what brings us to another point about some unresolved past trauma and I think a lot of people can relate to this is, if you look at it, from your previous relationships all people or I'll say all again, I hate those all-inclusive words, but most people who come into their relationships it's almost impossible not to bring some of the experiences that you've had in your previous relationships into your present one. You know and I'm not saying it from a comparison standpoint, but it's always important to be conscious that you bring them in.

Speaker 2: 3:29

You were getting ready to say something I think about, even though we got married at 21,. We started dating when we were 14, but we started dating seriously at 18. I had some bad experiences with previous relationships and I think, if we're honest, if the relationship that you were in before was so great, you would not be in it.

Speaker 1: 3:50

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 3:51

And there's a reason why relationships end, and so for me, one of the things I was used to. I was used to guys not keeping their word Right, so I brought that into our relationship with Gil and I automatically assumed that if there's any little variance in what he said that he wasn't, but he smiled, I got it Because every time this comes up, I always think about.

Speaker 1: 4:08

I call it the gas station event. Hey Carolyn, hey, Colin and Queen. Thank you, Coco, Thanks for joining us.

Speaker 2: 4:15

Thanks for joining us.

Speaker 1: 4:15

I always think about this one experience that Renee to her point that she talked about people holding their word when I was helping a friend while I was in high school who bought a gas station he was had hadn't hired employees and anything like that, and so I decided to go and help him. But I was supposed to meet up with Renee at a certain time yeah, and when I didn't make it there at that time, I think that was a previous relationship trauma yeah, it reminded me of that surfaced and and she came at me in an accusatory manner like I had done something wrong and I had an honest, legitimate reason why I was late. It's not like I didn't show up or did I. I didn't show up, but I did call after the fact and we talked about it. And at the time you know you can talk about something and it'll be just a conflict, but if you don't get to the root of the conflict, it's still going to just keep resurfacing. But we talked about it and I don't even know if it was years later about I.

Speaker 1: 5:20

You have to look at the person's track record. If you had a bad, had a previous bad experience with someone in their relationship and then all of a sudden they do something. A new person comes into your relationship, say you're in now and they do some of the old things. You got to look at the track record. Have they showed you a pattern of continuous bad things that they've done, or growth areas or however you want to describe it? Are things that remake it, that trauma kind of resurface?

Speaker 2: 5:46

yeah, and so a lot of times when we're in new relationships, we have to evaluate our own heart and say okay, so let me look at this now. He did this one thing, but he's done 25 good things, so should I let the one thing that reminded me of someone else cancel out all the 25 good things that this person has done? And so that's how we have to be careful that we don't allow our past experiences, our past pain, um to to make us not move forward in relationships.

Speaker 1: 6:14

If you guys have questions, or you got time in the community, yeah how has it been for you has?

Speaker 2: 6:19

do you believe that your unresolved past pain or trauma is affecting how you're moving in relationships today?

Speaker 1: 6:28

put that in, yeah, put it in the chat, and I see somebody got a birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, and so so we're actually going to move forward. So we're talking about marriage problems, or problems that you're not necessarily just going to have in a marriage, but even in a relationship well the problems that people bring into their relationships and marriage gets the blame. Yep, exactly. So let's talk about the big number two, and this is something unmet expectations. Yes, you want to start out with that one.

Speaker 2: 6:56

I think for women it may be unrealistic and uncommunicated expectations. Where men's may be unmet, I think for women, ours is more uncommunicated, because, where men's may be unmet, I think for women, ours is more uncommunicated because we have things that we want and that we need and that we desire and we don't know how to talk about it and share it. So I think that's a big part of what happens. You know there's things that you may like or not like, or things that you may need and you may not know how to, um, how to communicate it, and so I think that that's an important, an important part of dealing with your, your, your uncommunicated, or or you just say, well, he should just not, he should just know.

Speaker 1: 7:36

Yeah, and and and Colin, this is kind of answering your question when you talk about when you have a significant other and they just don't seem like they're getting anything from you or getting the information. It seemed like he keep going in circles over and over and over. This may be a root of unmet or uncommunicated expectations. You know, because everyone has them. You know, even, especially if you're new in your relationship, maybe you haven't vocalized it or said it because you may not even be aware that you have turned it into an expectation that you have for this person and over time those things are going to come up. But if you don't really identify what those can be, you can actually be going in a circle of not understanding.

Speaker 1: 8:18

Why do we keep coming back to this thing or this issue when I thought it was resolved and I love the way you said that about people can't read your mind? No, they can't, and sometimes we have problems with communicating what we need, and we're going to get to that when we talk about the third one, about what you need. When it comes to communication, you have to be able to clearly articulate what's going on in you first before you can put an expectation for somebody to help you either resolve it or help you flesh it out to understand what's kind of going on in me but also with us and our relationship. That's causing a problem overall, whether it's in your marriage or even in your long-term relationship.

Speaker 2: 8:58

And I think another big one is unrealistic expectations. I think it's unrealistic to expect that the other person isn't going to fail, you disappoint, you tell you they're going to do something. They're not going to do. Oh yeah, part of it is learning how to extend grace and empathy to one another, and I think that that's where we really learn to do that is in relationships, and so it's just a matter of is this one thing enough to make you dissolve the relationship?

Speaker 1: 9:28

Yeah, absolutely, and I appreciate that Coco saying that. As far as push the like button, if you like the kind of topics that we're talking about, because the like button will help us get this content out to other people who you know, give us some hearts, yeah, and all those. We appreciate that. And I even think, when it comes to those unmet expectations, we all have personal statements.

Speaker 1: 9:50

Sometimes they come in the mass intervals, or sometimes they come in the voice of a deal breaker that you haven't communicated, especially if you're in a relationship and you haven't clearly vocalized what it is that you need from this person in the relationship. And sometimes it takes conflict to come up in order for those expectations to come out. And if you don't let things come up, I love the way we teach it. As far as conflict is an opportunity, it is. Conflict is an opportunity for you to really get on one accord, one page. Whether it's your unmet communications I mean your past traumas, some childhood of origin issues or some kind of significant event that happened in your life, or even some bad experience you had in a previous relationship. Those are all things that we're going to carry over into our present relationship. That can have a big, big impact if we don't really get those personal standards. I call them like personal standards. We all have them.

Speaker 2: 10:49

Yeah, I think standards are different from intervals. I think that personal standards I call them like personal standards we all have- them.

Speaker 1: 10:52

Yeah, I think standards are different from inner vows.

Speaker 2: 10:53

I think that personal standards are the standards that you set for yourself, but I think the inner vows are a result of that's never going to happen to me. I'm never going to let anybody hurt me, I'm never going to fall in love again. I think that that's different from. You should have values, you should have standards, because those are setting boundaries, but I think that when you have inner vows, you close yourself off from someone doing and being a different kind of person, because one of the things about Gil that I have always loved about him is he's always been a person of his word, and just when you're not used to that, it's like oh he going, you're looking for someone to fail you, and so I think that it's important that we don't allow the past to like again with the orange. I don't want to make everything cash or I don't want to make everything that everyone does like what happened to me in the past.

Speaker 1: 11:44

And I love the way you said that because you're going to have disappointment. And I love the way you said that because you're going to have disappointment. And that's another one. When we talk about unmet expectations, disappointments and those things that get unmet and sometimes, unfortunately, it leads to disappointment in your relationship because you're going to have it, that's just another form or root of conflict you have to look at if this person didn't openly, consciously, maliciously make them do something that is totally against something that they're consciously aware of, that is a, as they say, deal breaker for you. If they don't do those things, you have to ask okay, did I clearly communicate what my needs were in that time? But then if I actually have a disappointment about something that has happened in our relationship, that is something that goes back to the conflict thing that we have to talk about. We have to get out in the open, because the enemy loves nothing more than to keep things in the dark, for you to keep things personally to yourself.

Speaker 1: 12:41

How many of you have had a conversation with your significant other and they don't even know you had this conversation. You say something, or like you're driving home well, he going to say this, then I'm going to say that, then he going to probably say this, and then I'm going to probably say that. Or she's going to say this as soon as I walk in the door she's going to say that, and then I'm going to say this. It's a point that you have to make and you have to get to to not just have those conversations with yourself, but have it with your significant other, so that they know. So there's a question. So Colleen has a question. Colleen, colleen, colleen, how can I help my loved one to say no to PPLs when I'm asking them for money, but she won't listen to me? Well, it kind of goes back to the same thing.

Speaker 2: 13:25

That's a good one though.

Speaker 1: 13:26

Expectations and standards. You want to go ahead.

Speaker 2: 13:27

That's a good one, because one of the things we talk about when we're working with couples we explain to them that they have to really establish new everything.

Speaker 2: 13:35

So let's just say, if for Christmas, I'm used to buying every single person in my family a gift and Gil is not okay with that, when you come together as a couple, that's something you both have to decide. It can't be that this is what I do and you just have to go along with it. Now it's not me, it's us. So I think it's important that you have to reestablish what is going to be the standard moving forward as a couple, and I think a big part of it is just understanding that, now that it's two of you, it's not just your decision, and it's not like going to your family and saying, well, I would buy you gifts, but Gil said no. It's always showing that united front that we have made a decision. So it's up to me to tell my family we've made a decision that we're not going to do what we used to do anymore as a family. We're going to do something different. So hopefully that helps you Right.

Speaker 1: 14:26

Because it kind of leads to that frustration. Again, that goes into what we're also already talking about those unmet expectations. It can lead to conflict and frustration when you have expectations and things that you have a requirement for, just like, how are we going to decide how we fund or help our family members or people that we know when it comes to money? Money is always one of those topics that is always a hot button issue with a lot of people, so you have to talk about it when nobody's asking for it.

Speaker 2: 14:55

Yeah, and part of it is that it's so important that and I think this is one of the things that we saw a lot this few weekends ago with our couples is that the more you are on one accord with your faith and your spiritual beliefs, the easier it is to get in line with all the other things that we're talking about, and I think it's important that you understand that that's. A very important part of any relationship is your relationship with God. That has to be the central focus, and when that's the common denominator, it makes all the other things that we're expecting or your task to do a whole lot easier.

Speaker 1: 15:30

Oh yeah, absolutely. So we kind of talking about some of the things when it comes to your relationship. We talked about unresolved traumas when it comes to your relationship that you bring into your marriage and into your-. That we all bring in, you know, unmet expectations and then we will probably always talk about with couples with this one is poor communication skills. Notice, I call it skills because communication skills can be learned.

Speaker 2: 15:58

They are, and communication is a skill. Talking is not a skill, communication is a skill, and there's a big difference.

Speaker 1: 16:06

And I would even say, take it a step further. Effective communication is what you really want to get after when it comes to your relationships, because a lot of times you can be talking and if somebody's talking but somebody's not listening or you're not listening, to understand Hummingbird. See, she had a hummingbird Squirrel.

Speaker 2: 16:27

Look, it's a hummingbird outside, y'all. I'm sorry, squirrel, see it forgives personality that drives me crazy, you forgive me?

Speaker 1: 16:39

Absolutely, I'm used to it, but you got guests. Anyway, effective communication Going back to it is when you are communicating.

Speaker 2: 16:52

Let's unpack that. Do you know that that could be a major major?

Speaker 1: 17:01

issue Even with that. That's one of those.

Speaker 2: 17:02

What are we talking about when you say that, as far as me and my squirrel moments, gil is a very organized thinker. He's very structured. I am like the wind and we have had to make accommodations for each other. That could have been an argument. He could have got mad and got upset and went off on me for doing something. That is and I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying a part of it in relationships you have to give room for the other person to be different from you and help them to grow.

Speaker 1: 17:33

I'm glad you think we cute, kenzie. It didn't feel that way just a second ago Because we got company y'all and we tried to share some of the things. After 35 years, this is one of those moments 35 years of marital bliss.

Speaker 2: 17:51

The hummingbird was so beautiful, y'all it was so beautiful. It was a hummingbird outside our window.

Speaker 1: 17:56

Yeah, okay, okay. So getting back to what we're talking about poor communication yes, we're talking about effective communication. See, I lost my train of thought. Yes, we are talking about listening.

Speaker 2: 18:13

A part of poor communication is even interacting Go ahead, go ahead. A part of poor communication is understanding that everything about your personality while you can just say I am, it doesn't mean that it's good and you always have to be willing. I'm under construction and I'm still growing and learning, and a part of communication is not just talking, it's listening to understand, and I think that one of the things about Gil he's helped me to learn to be a better listener, because for me I said I've said it before I have a million words, but learning when to use those words and learning how not to allow my words to drown him is something that is still a work.

Speaker 1: 18:50

Yeah, yeah, and even after 35 years of being together and being married, we're still constantly working on the communication process, because it is not something that you are going to master to the point where, if you don't continue to do it over and over and over again, to do it over and over and over again, that's where you're going to get to misunderstanding. The root of miscommunication is misunderstanding. If you don't have understanding, if that's your goal and that's what you're trying to get to, obviously you're going to get to the opposite, which is a misunderstanding about whatever the topic may be. If somebody is confused or somebody is not being heard, that is something that you have to really get down and think about.

Speaker 1: 19:33

Why am I not being understood? And nine times out of 10, it's not because Renee is talking over me over and over and over again. More than likely, I have to look at me and say okay, what is it that I want to say? How do I need to say it and am I communicating it to the point where she understands it, not how I said it, but how she understands it. Because, yeah, I can talk all day, but if she doesn't understand what I'm trying to communicate, then you have communication breakdown.

Speaker 2: 20:02

Yeah, and I think a part of it is understanding that, I think for women, because we are so good at using our words, I think and I constantly tell them, I'm constantly trying to get better at this I don't think I am finished, I don't think that I'm going to always be in a construction, and I think it's important that you guys see real moments of us being who we are. You know, because this is not scripted, this is just us being us and us sharing. Yeah, we have our outline so we can stay on task, have an outline so we can stay on task, but we want to be real people sharing real life with you, so that you guys have someone that you can walk alongside with, not just somebody that's going to just be showing you the perfect life, because we don't have a perfect life?

Speaker 1: 20:48

No, absolutely so. What we're talking about is problems that people bring into their marriages and their relationships and some of the root causes that you can actually think about. We already covered some of the unresolved past traumas that you have, whether it's from your childhood, excuse me, or from previous relationship or even events that have happened in your life. We're talking about some unmet expectations that happen. Everybody has them. Sometimes they can be your family of origin and the history that you're doing. Sometimes we make these intervals and these personal statements to ourselves that are significant to the other. Or, as you say here no, we're not brother and sister, we're husband and wife yeah you start looking alike with your person over the years.

Speaker 1: 21:26

That's what actually happened. We talked a little bit about a hummingbird. Yeah, we did. We talked about the hummingbird so beautiful. I wish I could have saw Some of the frustrations that happen even when it comes to unmet expectations. And now we're talking about communication as we kind of get close to wrapping up this live that we're talking about with Gil and Renee from the Rich Relationship Refuge.

Speaker 2: 21:45

And we want to give you chances if you have.

Speaker 1: 21:47

Yeah, and it was a question, go ahead. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2: 21:50

Oh, you have relationship questions or if there's a topic you want us to cover. Next week we're going to have our friends. Our rich friends are going to be on my episode. So we're not going to go live During the summer. We're probably going to go live together twice a month, but if you guys know, I go live a couple of times a week because for me I have more time than Gil does, but I still want you to know what's going on in our real life and how we navigate real life situations cooking, all the things that you do as a couple, and so we want to share some of that with you guys.

Speaker 1: 22:23

So, and then the last one we want to talk about is assumptions. That actually gets the root of those misunderstanding. How many of you have made assumptions in your relationship about something when it comes to communication, yeah, or something that you think was said really wasn't? Or you filled in the gap, or you filled in that blank of the topic that you thought was talking about, or you credit the person with the negative versus the positive. For when it comes down to whatever you're talking about, and I think about that when you talk about.

Speaker 2: 22:54

As far as the ability to listen, to understand, If I'm listening to you to understand, I'm not going to be coming to assumptions. So if you the things we're talking about, if you would practice them. One of my girlfriends we were talking. She was saying a lot of the stuff that you say. I really just thought I understood what you were saying, but it was just over my head and so a lot of things we're saying may seem unrealistic, it may seem difficult, it may seem challenging. It was that way for us and some of them are still for us.

Speaker 2: 23:23

But you got to practice, you got to get the reps in, you got to do it. You got to be willing to do the things you're talking about. Don't just listen to us. Physically, do it, Try it. You know one of the things we told our couples and I think it was really good when we had them when they're talking, we have them to sit and face each other and touch each other, Because there's something about touching each other. It's so hard to be mad at somebody and pray for them, and it's even harder to be mad at somebody and to touch them.

Speaker 1: 23:51

Because we dare you to try this the next time you have a not so good moment. It may not be a full blown lockdown conflict, but next time you're in a disagreement, hold hands and talk about subject, whatever it may be. I dare you to challenge because when you make contact with the person you care the most about and you're in a disagreement or you have a problem with, it's going to automatically disarmed you.

Speaker 2: 24:15

And I did that.

Speaker 1: 24:16

God made us that way yeah, absolutely there's something about physical so we had a question earlier about someone here that and that's the topic that we talked about. So hopefully you got something out of the subject that we talked about. When it came to the problems that people bring into their marriage, but also into their relationships and I'm gonna scroll back a little bit because, even though this is not on topic, wrote I think that's Joanne Joanne Sanchez says even though it's not on topic, I think that's Joanne Joanne Sanchez says, even though it's not on topic, that's why we're here to talk about things as it relates to your relationships. It says why is grieving hard for some people and some people others and get better sooner? Why do some people get better at it sooner? And this is something that Renee is really, really good at, so I'm going to let her take it and start it out. When it comes to the grieving.

Speaker 2: 25:04

There's a difference between grieving and mourning. I'll start by saying we have had all of our parents that die, grandparents we just lost one of our friends a few weeks ago, so grieving is something we have very familiar with. But what I realized was that most people just mourn, they just move on, whereas grieving is allowing yourself to sit in it and feel the pain, and feel the disappointment and to feel the depression and the anger and the all the stages of so sometimes the reason why people are getting their grief is faster because they're really not grieving, they're probably just mourning, and the only person that can tell you that is you, I think. Sometimes, as Christians, we feel like oh no, I just thank the Lord.

Speaker 1: 25:53

I just it's okay, God created you human.

Speaker 2: 25:57

Embrace your humanity, allow yourself to go through the process of grief, because grief is a process. Depression is one of the stages of grief, but I think we sometimes forget, we focus on the depression and not what caused it. It's normally a loss, and so we have to understand that, and so I hope that answers your question. But there is no seven days or 20 days. It's different for every person, and it also has a lot to do with the relationship you have with the person. The closer you are to someone, the harder it's going to be when you lose them. So two people won't have the same amount of time to grieve if you are both grieving Now, mourning. If you mourn, I mean, that's you're just walking away.

Speaker 1: 26:41

You know it's not the same as really grieving and that's something that I've experienced, even especially after my mom passed that it can take a long process. It can take a long time for you to, because I had to really sit back and think about the things that really affected me and the things that really I was missing and really go through those things and whether it's anger, frustration, all the things that, when it comes to grieving, that you're going to go through. But it's different for everyone. You can't compare what you're going through with someone else, whether it's a sibling or friend or family member, because you're different and you got to give yourself the grace and the mercy to be able to experience.

Speaker 2: 27:18

And sometimes you, it may not hit you at the same time. Sometimes it may hit you Like I know for me, because I was the kind of person I never really grieved and when I just mourned I just, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sad, I just moved on. I never allowed myself to be disappointed or sad or hurt, but when I did grieve was actually Mother Day died. That was the first time I ever really grieved and it was years later, but it took me down for like weeks.

Speaker 1: 27:42

Yeah, and just like you said, here, joanne, even if it's been four years. That's okay, it's normal for you to have. That means that the relationship was something you really value. If you have still moments where you're still sad because I still there could be a passing, fleeting moment. You may see something or hear something that reminds you of that person and you have that temporary moment of sadness. That's okay, that's normal. That's, I think, because I think I got pictures all around the house of my mom and when I see her I still automatically think about it. But over time I started thinking about the good things and the things that were make you smile a little bit.

Speaker 1: 28:22

So we appreciate you chiming in and that's what this is all about. It's just not talking about topics that we can put up here because, like you're going through a seminar. That's not what it's all about. We want to talk to real people when it comes to what you're really going through in any of your relationships, whether it's your marital, because that's what we primarily do, but also any relationship that you may be in. We just want to help wherever we can and we appreciate your comment there that someone says it's refreshing to see a godly couple on YouTube. Thanks there, jade Ruben thank you.

Speaker 2: 28:51

That is why we are here, because everyone talks about how social media is bad, and when the Lord told us to do this, it's like go to where they are.

Speaker 2: 29:00

I'm like where he said the internet Right there, the internet, and we've been putting more content out Because a part of it is that people need to see what God-honoring marriages look like. How can we expect for people to want to have a God honoring marriage if they never see what it looks like? And so you know, I appreciate you guys watching and sharing and being a part of our community. We realize it's about reaching people. I have totally give up. I tried to do it YouTube's way for a whole 12 months and now I said, lord, we just don't put it out.

Speaker 2: 29:33

The Lord told us that we just don't put it out there.

Speaker 1: 29:34

And I love that because I scroll through and I look at some of the topics that I love and I thank God for the single people who are actually having conversations, which are good, but the things you have to be mindful about. A single talking to a single only can talk about single. We've been single, we've been married 35 years and so we have gained experience over working with couples for over 19 years. Maybe those are the tidbits and the things that we're trying to share with you. So if you're trying to get from point A to point B, which is, from singleness to marriage and how you should be acting or going along in marriage and some of the traits, you probably want to talk to somebody who's already doing it, not to somebody who has had a string of broken relationships or, as they say, a high body count that really don't know what it takes to establish and maintain and sustain a relationship.

Speaker 2: 30:21

Yeah, and so we, we really love, you know, just spending time with you guys, sharing, because you realize there's so much going on in the world and there's so much negativity and there's so much uh, reality that's not reality that we have to do our part to make sure that people have people that they can go to and talk to and ask questions and, um, I think, even when it comes to the question about grief, I think that if you find that you are struggling to get over, that is when you need to see a therapist, because one of the things I realize is that, if I allow myself to only focus on, you know, oh my gosh, how am I going to move on? My life is over. It's the conversation you have with yourself too. Yes, you should be sad, yes, you should be, but it can't be the end of your life, and if that's what you're struggling with, that's different. We believe that it is important to get professional help. You need marriage coaches, you need counselors you need therapists psychiatrists.

Speaker 2: 31:18

you need all of that Jesus, the blood, the word. Sometimes you need medication. There's nothing wrong with allowing God's tools to be used to help you to get to a healthy place. So we don't ever want and it is, it's May and it's getting toward the end of the month. Mental health is a real thing. We need to stop acting like it's not real in church, because it is real. We need to stop acting like, oh, we just need Jesus. No, sometimes you need Jesus and a whole lot of other stuff too.

Speaker 1: 31:44

Yeah, so we appreciate you guys hanging out with us for this brief session. We love hanging out with you, so if you got any questions, comments or anything you want to put, you can put it in the comments for this as it repopulates on YouTube and talks in the comments for this as it repopulates on YouTube and talks.

Speaker 2: 31:57

Well, actually it really won't.

Speaker 1: 31:59

Play again. The comments won't. Oh well, sorry, she has all this.

Speaker 2: 32:03

But if you guys would please subscribe to our channel, hit the bell notification so that you know when we're live and when we're on. And the app is coming y'all. The books are coming y'all. We are really trying to make sure we get rid of all the excuses. You don't like videos we got a book. You don't like podcasts we got videos.

Speaker 1: 32:25

We're trying to give it to you all the way, all the ways as my girls say all the things, all the things.

Speaker 2: 32:31

So we love you and we're just excited about serving you guys, being here with you guys, answering your questions, being a part of your relationships.

Speaker 1: 32:41

And so you see y'all's. So if y'all want to see some of the other content, we got a bunch of videos out there.

Speaker 2: 32:45

Yeah, 900.

Speaker 1: 32:46

Just look for Gil and Renee. Yes On Rich Relationships.

Speaker 2: 32:50

Yep, look at our long content.

Speaker 1: 32:51

You'll see it all and we can hang out with you guys in two weeks.

Speaker 2: 32:53

We'll be here in two, not this Saturday, but the following Saturday we'll be live again, but I'll be live throughout the week, y'all.

Speaker 1: 32:59

So we'll see you guys later.

Speaker 2: 33:00

We love you guys and thank you so much for being the best part of our community. We love you so much.

Speaker 1: 33:05

Have a good night.

Speaker 2: 33:05

Thank you.