6.4 - Nobody's Perfect

While the Proverbs often speak about our speech, James writes in 3:2, "If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle his whole body." Indeed, controlling our speech is an act of self-discipline. Join us as we discuss the power of our speech, the importance of our discipline, and the practical advice the Proverbs offer on this topic.

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Paul and Noah both preach and teach with the Cedar Park church of Christ in Cedar Park, TX. You can visit our site at: https://www.cedarparkchurchofchrist.org/

Transcript

 6.4 - Nobody's Perfect

6.4 - Nobody's Perfect

Noah: [00:00:00] Well, welcome back to the Stan Strong podcast. We're already on episode four of season six. It's hard to believe that we've already gotten that far into this season, but I'm enjoying the Proverbs project that we're doing right now, emphasizing practical applications for our daily lives from the wisdom literature.

And we just finished last week the Green Giant of Envy. That was a pretty big subject to try to tackle. 

Paul: And it wasn't the Jolly Green Giant? It 

Noah: was not the Jolly Green Giant. No, it was not. But as we mentioned last Week today, we're going to be tackling the subject of nobody's perfect. And you know, Paul, you, you laid down a couple of hints last week people that were listening and, and wanted to figure it out, probably figured out that when you said we might We might be in James a little bit regarding who is the perfect man of James.

So for those who, who did the digging, you probably already know that today, what we're going to be [00:01:00] talking about when we say nobody's perfect is controlling our tongue. 

Paul: Yes. Yes. That's just a fanciful title, Noah, for us to, since we're calling it the Proverbs Project, we get to dig into Proverbs and find some things, some nuggets of wisdom and truth there that are designed, God's good intention for our life to help us to live life better and connect better with people.

We want to look at some of the toxic uses of the tongue, the good, bad, the ugly, the positives, the negatives. But yeah, you mentioned the James, the wisdom in the New Testament, you know, that's James three. Mm hmm. James three in verse two. We all stumble in many ways if anyone is never at fault in what he says.

Like that translation, he is a perfect man able to keep his whole body in check. Well, nobody's perfect because none of us can tame the tongue. And you're like, wait, wait, wait, that's not fair. Well, James tells us that in verse 8. 

Noah: Yes, in verse 8. He specifically says that. 

Paul: So, you know, we all have trouble with the tongue.

And, and don't, [00:02:00] don't ever get to a point, I should never get to a point in my life where I think, Hey. I've mastered this, it won't rise up and be that, as James describes, that, that restless evil full of deadly poison. It gets us in trouble. Yeah. It gets me in trouble. 

Noah: Similarly, we also should not find ourselves in the position where we just give up.

Cause I'm, if I know different personalities react different ways, but when I hear only essentially only a perfect man can bridle his tongue and then in verse eight, that means no man can bridle his tongue. There's a part of me that goes. Well, then why even try, but even just a few verses later in verse 10, he says, my brothers, these things ought not be.

So when he's talking about the same mouth bringing forth blessing and cursing the, the admonition, the overall thrust of what James is saying is not, ah, you know, Oh, well it's, we have to put in the self control. We have to submit our tongue along with the rest of our [00:03:00] mind and our body. Okay. to the Lord to be trained and to be given direction.

And yes, there will be, there will be failures and failings in that, but we can't just give up. We can't just say, okay, whatever. 

Paul: Right. Right. So here's a key text, I think in, in Proverbs, why we're discussing the tongue. I mean, why does this need to get some attention in, in our Season in this podcast on the Proverbs project.

Well, you and I talked about it, but just listen to what, what Solomon says, what this wisdom is here in Proverbs 18 and verse 21, death and life are in the power of the tongue. That's why this is such an important subject. It has the power for either death or life. 

Noah: Yes. 

Paul: And so that's, that's why I thought.

So together we, we wanted to deal with this, with this issue on the tongue. 

Noah: Yeah, I mean, you, you see two sides of a coin in Proverbs. You can walk through the Proverbs and you see the tongue described as the common denominator is it's powerful, 

Paul: right? 

Noah: It's got [00:04:00] great power, but like you said there in Proverbs 18, death is in the power of the tongue.

James chapter three is the one that talks about it, it being. It creates a whole forest fire from a small blaze. Essentially a world of unrighteousness is in it. Proverbs 12 verse 18 describes rash words like sword thrusts. So, I mean, we're talking about something that's powerfully destructive, but in the same context.

We see that they can be powerfully productive as well, not just destructive. That's why he says death and life are in the power of the tongue. Or the contrast in Proverbs 12, 18 is the tongue of the wise brings healing. And so what we have to recognize is there's two sides of the coin here. The tongue is powerful.

The question is not what it's capable of. The question is how are we going to use it. 

Paul: Exactly. So let's just dive in here. Here's a text that I jotted down. I've [00:05:00] been through, I've called it the Proverbs Project, where you do a chapter a day, you make notes, then the next day you go to chapter two, the next day you go to chapter three, and so forth.

And it's a fairly good monthly calendar and study to work through that book. And then the second time, month two, you go through it. Then you go back to chapter one and you read it again, but now you're looking at your notes and you're adding to your notes. And as you walk through that, you begin to realize how many situations in everyday life are being confronted there in the, in the book of Proverbs.

But here's one I've missed. I've done this journey several times. Proverbs 10 and verse 18. Proverbs 10 verse 18. He who conceals his hatred Has lying lips and whoever speaks slander is a fool. And as you read that text, you're saying, okay, he's, he's saying a couple of different things. I mean, he, as it relates to the tongue, so you got lying lips and then you got the, the spreading of slander or gossip, but what connection is there [00:06:00] between the concealing of hatred and the lying lips and then this spreading the slander being such a foolish and harmful thing?

Well, I think the way he's making a connection. In the using of the tongue is someone who conceals their real feelings. I mean, they actually don't like this person that they're face to face with and talking to, but they leave one impression when they're talking to you as a, Hey man, I love you. You just, you and I are close and I so appreciate and value you.

And then they turn right around when they're not in their presence and slander them or you know. Spread these morsels of gossip, and I think the Proverbs writer there in that one text is trying to show us a picture of a two faced person. 

Yeah. 

And, and what's the common denominator, as you said?

There's something going on in their heart that's affecting their tongue. They're concealing something, they're toxic on the inside, and because the heart is not where it ought to be, the tongue is saying things that they don't [00:07:00] really mean. Mm hmm. And then they turn right around and use the tongue to sin in a different way.

And what's the end result? Foolishness, harmful things result from that, the destroying of relationships. 

Noah: Yes, absolutely. All of that rings true to what's in Proverbs 12, 19, when he says, truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue. Is, but for a moment, mm. The, the, the dishonesty and, and the, the poor choice of words and the rash words and the two facetedness of the dishonest tongue, that, that won't last, it will get us into trouble.

On the other hand, when we speak truth with our mouths. We can speak things that endure forever. And they, and they probably won't come back to bite us again. That one of the things that we're talking about with the proverbs project is not that these things are not difficult to implement in our lives, but they.

Bless our lives when we follow the wisdom of the Lord. It's not saying there won't be difficulty, but [00:08:00] just I mean, there's so many everyday reasons why we where we can see this play out when we look that the the foolishness of lies and the way that that destroys relationships and destroys different parts of our lives versus The wisdom of, of speaking truth.

It's, it's night and day difference. There's plenty of ways to get in trouble with the tongue. 

Paul: Absolutely. Here's the one, the first time I went through this and, and most, I think most listeners who are listening to this, who have heard sermons on the tongue, who've taught about the tongue you've read in Proverbs and other places about the misuse of the tongue, a common theme that comes up is in the area of gossip or slander.

I mean, A perverse man sows strife. A gossip separates the best of friends. Chapter 28. Fire goes out without wood. Quarrels disappear when gossip stops. Yeah. Proverbs 26 in verse 20. I want to plug it right here. All right, here you [00:09:00] go. And I could read two or three or four or five others. People get the point.

There's a lot there on gossip, but that text in Proverbs 26 in verse 20. Gossip stops. When does gossip stop? One of the ways that stops gossip or one thing that will stop gossip is people saying, I don't want to hear it. 

And 

he tells us what gossip will produce, what gossip will produce, but how do you stop gossip?

Say, I don't want to hear it. 

Noah: I don't want to hear it. And it's, it's also when it, that's such a clear way of signaling. I don't want to be involved. Right. Because it's easy to slip into. The mindset and then therefore the lifestyle that embraces gossip. And there's all different sorts of ways that we can try to justify that.

But even when we remain silent in the context of gossip, we may be uncomfortable, but [00:10:00] unless we communicate, I don't want to hear this. I don't want to participate in this. That is a clear signal. And one practical thing that. We should keep in mind is okay. So our words, our mouths, our tongues are to be for God's glory and gossip may feel harmless until we actually look at, you know, the destructive nature, like it said, gossip separates the best of friends, that kind of a thing.

But even that aside, how are we to be taken seriously when we give God glory and when we speak about God and His ways? If we're also known for our gossip, when we gossip, when we engage in that, we undercut our own credibility when it comes to speaking about the true things regarding God and His glory and His will.

If we're, if we're known as a gossip. I mean, we, we got no leg to stand on [00:11:00] when we talk about that. 

Paul: Yeah. And it's more pervasive than we want to admit. It just, it's just like that green eyed monster, just like the envy thing. Nothing jolly about that. Well, there's nothing jolly about this, this gossip thing.

And it's more pervasive than we want to admit. And maybe that's why I get so much attention in scripture. You want to talk about a very common or easy way for me to sin with my tongue. It's for me to gossip and that's notice how it's described. There's different places in Proverbs where it's described as, as juicy morsels.

When Noah, when we were earlier this, the summer we had taken a family trip. And we were sitting down in a restaurant and, you know, we're all trying to decide how we're going to share appetizers and you, you got six, eight people 

at 

a table who likes what you're going to get six or eight different ideas, but we agreed on something and I had not heard of it.

It was some kind of new deal. It got to the table and they said, well, dad, [00:12:00] you need to try it. I tried it. Oh my. Wow. Delicious morsels. I couldn't get enough of it. Well, Solomon is telling us some people, the reason gossip can spread so quickly is because people enjoy hearing that. But here, here's the thing, and we know this, I'm not enlightening anybody by saying this, we know this, but here's the fact.

It's always juicy when it's about somebody else. 

Mm hmm. 

See, if you're, if you're, if you're slandering or you're spreading information, here's the Even if it's true, it can still be gossip. So even if you're, you're talking about, as long as you're talking about somebody else, it's juicy. It's juicy, but let it be about me.

I ain't going back for seconds. 

Noah: Yeah. That's, that's a bitter taste, bitter medicine there. You know, So one of the, one of the things that would keep us out of so much trouble in gossip and in other areas, if we would, is if we would listen to the Proverbs when they say things like in Proverbs 21, 23, whoever [00:13:00] keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

I wondered how long before we'd get into here. Or Proverbs 10 verse 19, when words are many, transgression is not lacking. But whoever restrains his lips is prudent. I mean, you can't get much more plain than that when the, the Proverbs writer saying, Hey, maybe you should shut your mouth. And the fact is I am foremost among those who needs to learn the lesson.

Of oftentimes it's better to just not say anything. Just, just not say it. Oftentimes we would find ourselves gossiping less. And encouraging more by just not saying anything. 

Paul: Yeah. And he says, the more you talk, the more possibility for you to sin. And that's, look, People are, we're hearing that, that's what the Lord tells us.

He created us. He [00:14:00] knows our propensity, my propensity, that when I, the longer I talk, the more likely I'm going to say something I shouldn't, even though it's true, I'm going to, the longer I tell my story about the good that I did, 

the more 

likely I am to become proud or disappointed. No, it's not a lie.

It's just, I exaggerate. No, it's a lie. 

Noah: Right. 

Paul: So there's, there's a whole host of ways that we sin. So you're right. Speak less. 

Noah: Well, and when we speak less, what that gives us the opportunity to do. is to choose our words when we do speak to choose our words more thoughtfully and more carefully. And when we do that, we'll find ourselves being better able to follow the advice of the surrounding Proverbs.

Because those ones that I quoted, those aren't, those aren't in a vacuum. So for instance, in Proverbs 10, where it says, Where words are many, transgression is not lacking. Just one verse later, [00:15:00] in chapter 10 verse 20, it says, The tongue of the righteous is choice silver. The heart of the wicked is of little worth.

The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of sense. So, the, the idea is, when you do speak, if you are, if you are speaking with thoughtfulness and with wisdom, and you're choosing how to use your tongue, you talk less, but when you do talk, You do so in a way that provides encouragement and wisdom.

It's like choice silver. It's something that is valuable to be heard. The person that talks all the time, their comments are a dime a dozen. The person who withholds judgment and withholds speaking, they're Long enough to, to think and deliberate that is worth that's choice. Silver is what the problems writer says.

Paul: Yeah. And you talk about the, the thinking before you speak, being deliberate, you know, if, if we just, if I [00:16:00] just give my time, myself time to process. So, I mean, you go back to James, James says we need to be. quicker, ready to hear, slow to speak. And there is a side of this equation when you connect James and you connect so much of what's in Proverbs.

It's, it's God telling me, Hey Paul, listen, get all the facts here, everything in this situation, before you speak, even though just because someone has invited me to speak into a situation, doesn't mean I have to. Some, it's wise sometimes for you, for me to say, You I need to think about that. I need to take that in and process it and get back with you.

Proverbs 18 and verse 13, Proverbs 18 verse 13, The one who gives an answer, Before he listens, this is foolishness and a disgrace for him. It's a disgraceful thing. I would not intentionally want to give somebody bad advice. I would not intentionally want [00:17:00] to give my, my judgment on a matter. And it'd be flawed because I didn't get all the facts, 

Noah: right?

Paul: And if that happens or when it happens, it's a disgraceful thing. Not only is it folly, if I've given bad advice, but it's disgraceful because they're going to come back to me or they may never come back to me, but I'm going to have told them something. They're going to try it. And it's like, that was, that even made it worse, right?

Cause I, I didn't think before I spoke. 

Noah: Yeah, absolutely. And if we don't, if we don't think before we speak, if we don't take that time to deliberate. We're going to find ourselves, like you said, giving bad advice, and even even when we try to give good advice, it may not it may not come across the way that we're intending it to.

In Proverbs 27 verse 6, the Proverbs writer makes it clear that, It's not that we're never to, to offer criticism or, or pushback. And he says, faithful are the wounds of a friend, 

Paul: right? 

Noah: Right. But profuse are the kisses of the [00:18:00] enemy. So the idea is, yeah, a true friend is going to give you pushback, is going to help you grow, is going to challenge you.

But if we want to be that type of person, we've got to push back. Be quick to hear slow to speak. We need to make sure that we're not just opening our mouth at the first, you know, first phrase, Oh, they're asking for advice. Oh, goody. Okay. All, all this stuff that I've had on my mind, I did. Now I get to unload it.

That's, that's not going to produce the faithful wounds of a friend. 

Paul: Yeah, you know, one side of this, we talk about pleasant words and a soft answer that turns away wrath and, and the, the helpful healing kinds of words and speech. All of that's important and positive and we should be using the tongue to do.

It's interesting you brought into this discussion sometimes the words of rebuke or reproof. Those are not, I can tell you at 56, those are not easy. Both to give or to hear. Amen. And there's a [00:19:00] proverb that speaks to both of those. For the one who is to use the tongue to do that. That's a wise use of the tongue to rebuke, rebuke or correct someone.

And it also demonstrates wisdom on the other side for the person who's willing to listen honestly and take it in. Proverbs 25 and verse 12, like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man's rebuke to a listening ear. So the one that's giving the rebuke is wise. How do I know he's wise?

That's a wise man's rebuke. He's thought about it, he's prayed about it, he, he has, he's been, he's been slow. And ready to hear, and he's looking for the best way to communicate what needs to be communicated. That's wisdom. And then it's received by an ear that's willing to listen and take it in. 

Noah: Yeah. Yeah.

Paul: There's just a lot there. 

Noah: There is. There's a lot in Proverbs when it comes to the tongue and more than we could [00:20:00] possibly cover in 20 minutes, every area of our lives could be improved. If we had better self control over our words, whether those are spoken words or written words. Yes. Looking at you, social media, every area, 

Paul: 20 minutes into that.

Good for you, Noah. All of this can also apply to what we text or 

Noah: type. Absolutely. And we, I don't think anybody listening is, is foolish and foolish enough to think that. These proverbs only relate to literally what we utter with our mouth. If anything, we ought to take advantage of the extra time that we get in a, in a text format, whether it be social media or email or whatever, we should be using that extra time to.

Be better with our words not worse and yet so often it makes us feel less personal And so we [00:21:00] feel more okay with saying whatever we want to say and the the irony is we actually should be in a better position to Craft our words in a way that's edifying and and positive and helpful As opposed to being quick to speak but We are who we are and we have a tendency to, to lash out or to clap back at people.

And unfortunately that's just not in line with the wisdom of Proverbs. 

Paul: Yeah. A man finds joy in giving an apt reply, Proverbs 15 And how good is a timely word now? Here, here's a translation. I'm just making this up. 

Noah: Paul's, Paul's edition. 

Paul: Paul's edition, Proverbs 15 in verse 23. Okay. Don't turn me off.

Listen to this. A man finds joy in giving an apt text and how good is a timely text. Where's the real issue [00:22:00] from one man's perspective. Most people that when they respond in the text to what they read, They're absolutely convinced that what they're going to say is going to fix everybody, it's going to fix the situation, it's going to build a bridge, it's, and they're giving themselves, I, let me do this, I'm giving myself way too much credit.

Noah: Yeah. 

Paul: And that allows me to give myself way too much license so that I'm going to justify just about any response as being an apt, timely response because look, I've got an, I've got an approach to this. I've got a way of saying this is going to be better than what everybody else has texted up to this point.

Noah: Right. 

Paul: That's arrogance. 

Noah: Yeah. And, 

Paul: and oftentimes foolishness on my part. 

Noah: Absolutely. I am going to be the one that brings the, the wisdom and the balance. Well, perhaps you're in that special position, but oftentimes if that's the thought that's predominant in our minds, we've [00:23:00] already missed the boat on that.

There's a lot more that we could talk about today. I want to, I want to offer one more thing as we close, as far as when it comes to the tongue. The tongue also offers an opportunity for self evaluation regarding our heart. From the heart, the mouth speaks. From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

So what we talk about, what we spend our time, you know, chewing the cud with other people about, whether it be online or in person, It's going to reveal something about what's going on in our hearts. And so if we're talking about me, me, me, me, me all the time, that reveals something about our hearts. If we're talking about politics and the latest, you know, theory about this, that, or the other thing.

Well, then that's probably if we find ourselves talking about that all the time, that's what's in our hearts. If, if we're talking about pop culture icons and celebrities all [00:24:00] the time, that's what's in our hearts. If we're talking about other people all the time, that's what's in our heart. So we, we can also see the tongue.

I guess what I'm trying to say here as we close is we can also use the tongue as a very powerful tool for evaluating ourselves, diagnosing our own hearts because we cannot, we cannot fool ourselves. What we talk about most is what's in our hearts. 

Paul: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. So, you know, getting beneath the service and this has been all about the tongue, but really it's about the heart, 

Noah: right?

Paul: So if I find myself with the same tongue troubles, it's time to go beneath the service and say, Hey, what's, what's the poison? What's the deception? What is the anger? What is the envy? What is the fear? That's in my heart that is producing this kind [00:25:00] of pattern or patterns in my speech. 

Noah: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Well, I've really enjoyed this discussion. I would love to go, you know, another 20 minutes, but not me. I got work to do. Oh, right, right, right. Well, in that case, we should go ahead and wrap up for today, but I know that we already have plans for next week, Paul, where are we going next week? 

Paul: Don't be that guy.

Don't be that guy. Now that's, this is not a podcast. So for all the ladies out there, all the gals, look, there's going to be stuff there especially if you're married you're going to plan to get married. Probably that's covering everybody. But the don't be that guy. There's, there's something, or there's some things in Proverbs wisdom there that can be unpacked where God is trying to equip us.

and protect us from certain sins or from certain situations 

that 

makes us as men [00:26:00] extremely vulnerable. Don't be that guy. 

Noah: Yeah. All right. Well, I'm looking forward to next week for all those listening. Thanks for tuning back in for episode four. And we hope that you'll join us again next week as we talk about, don't be that guy.

Until then, we pray that your hearts continue to serve Christ in all you do, and we pray that together we can stand strong.