My Parrot Bit Me While I Stuffed a Ziploc Bag Filled With Vaseline in the Mattress

The latest episode of "Not Well" features a lively and diverse array of topics including biting parrots, unconventional mattress activities, the phenomenon of whiskey dick, and humorous pool party antics. Bobby and Jim also share their thoughts on circuit gays, their experiences in high school, and amusing stories from their past.

The episode kicks off with Bobby and Jim reflecting on their recent conversations, touching on amusing incidents like biting parrots, whiskey dick, and even cucumber cutouts. They discuss the idea of becoming circuit gays, a subculture within the gay community known for their party-centric lifestyle, and question if they're inadvertently becoming part of that scene.

They also delve into their high school years, with Bobby admitting to cheating his way through school and even creating fake progress reports. Jim shares his experiences in Mexico, emphasizing the ease of getting through customs and his various adventures, including balcony sex and mingling with fellow tourists.

The episode wraps up with discussions on their upcoming trips, social events, and the realization that they might indeed be circuit gays, but with their own unique twist. Overall, it's a humorous and candid episode that showcases Bobby and Jim's dynamic and entertaining friendship.

Transcript

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235 upload

[00:00:00] I don't even know what we talked about. This week, we talked about This week on Not Well, we talked about Remember when we did that? No, we need to do something else. Biting parrots! Fucking your mattress! Whiskey dick! Cucumber cutouts! Pool party shenanigans! Mexican tacos!

[00:00:25] I'm trying to think what else we talked about. Cheating your way through high school. That is true. Becoming circuit gays. Circuit gay shoes. Are we circuit gays? Are we gays? Penises, vaginas, New York City. We talk about it all. Hot, steamy balcony sex. Or, hot backyard sex. Not so steamy. But quick and appropriate.

[00:00:48] Quick and appropriate. She hates me.

[00:00:54] Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode. Which I have something to say about that, by the way. [00:01:00] I know I just did a weird thing. Can you translate what I say into Spanish in real time? Absolutely. Go ahead and say something and I'll translate it for you. Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of not.

[00:01:13] Well, I'm Bobby and I'm a whore. Hola a todos y bienvenidos a otro episodio de Not Well, soy Bobby y soy una puta. That is accurate too, that's freaking me out. Honey, so if you're into, what is that? It's chatGBT latest updated yesterday, and now you can We can use this in Mexico You can , have it playing in the background with your earbuds in and you can hear what the fuck they're talking about and they're talking about you, so don't be speaking no fucking languages No, because there were people that were, and I was like listening about Don't do it honey, we know what punta is Like, a little bit about the nails, a little bit about you know, other things like laughing And I'm just like, so we can also translate our probably podcast into Spanish.

[00:01:46] So maybe we'll have Spanish speakers. We should have a Spanish language. Okay. I got to tell you, hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of not well, I'm almost 40. I'm in a full midlife crisis and I'm going to New York on this weekend. I'm Bobby. I'm [00:02:00] Jem. I'm insane. You're having a crisis. And it's fine.

[00:02:05] It's fine. The months are ticking down. So we're getting closer and closer. I'm getting more and more reckless. You are. You're reckless. Well, what I decided was, I started manifesting something. Well, I have Friday off. , I took Friday off, , the beginning of the year. the beginning of the year. , because I was going to go Oh, this coming Friday.

[00:02:20] This Friday, baby. Oh, okay. , in two days. So I was like, what? I'm gonna manifest like at first I thought I was gonna go camping. I thought I was gonna go camping And then I was like, well, I'm already jealous. Maybe I'm not gonna go camping and I was like, well Okay, well I want to do a solo trip I want to do something solo and do my thing and then I was like, maybe I'll go to New York So then I started looking and basically I got my flights for 5 each.

[00:02:43] Now. Here's the caveat So flying there I leave at 615 in the morning, which is fine I like that we had a 630 flight, but I have to connect in Chicago, which is stupid But that's that's Southwest at 5 there, right 5 5. That's good. Bye. Bye dollar plus 24 early bird But okay 20 gives a fuck [00:03:00] Then, I fly Delta Home Direct, 5, I had enough points on both airlines for one ways, so I was like, Okay, I'm going.

[00:03:10] Oh my god. Still haven't gotten a hotel. I think it's better to wait. I'm kind of winging it. No, it's cause like that Priceline thing you're doing is like I want to literally keep everything in my backpack. Here it is, it's helpful. Yeah. Like, that backpack is going to be everything I bring because I'm You only, for, yeah, that's all you need.

[00:03:24] I'm going out. Safety shoes everywhere you go. I'm going out. Slut outfits are tiny. Like, right. One bathing suit in case I don't need a fucking bathing suit. I'm going to You don't even need that, you'll be in the bathhouse. I'll be at the Eagle and I'll be at Goldilocks cause it's now the Goldilocks and Three Bears.

[00:03:37] I am fully in a midlife crisis and, and we're going back to New York, me and you are going then in June. So I can't wait that I can't wait. That whole week and a half is going to be, first of all, I realized I'm accidentally off 11 days in a row. Into that week. Yeah, cause I like cause of pride. Yeah, cause I had already requested off pride and then we're going early.

[00:03:56] We're doing earlier. Well, no, I have [00:04:00] nails on Tuesday. I go before Tuesday. I think Wednesday, Wednesday, I have all Wednesday before you get there. So I have a whole day to do random shit. Right? And then we have all day Thursday, all day Friday, all day Saturday, all day Sunday. Honestly, honestly. Yeah. So we're in a lot of trouble.

[00:04:14] Oh my God. God, it's gonna be so fun. I can't. I'm kind of using this as a scope out to like, that's kind of like what you just didn't wear us. Where do you go? And , if you go Friday, you'll find a watch party area for all stars when I could use that Friday. There's one in Brooklyn that I want to go to.

[00:04:29] But I'm like, I'm so scared. Why? Good. I don't know. I wouldn't a big city, but it's also America. It's also You know what's crazy about Manhattan? And so that is scary, but but actually Manhattan is actually one of the safest counties in the country or something. Yeah, I think it's mostly fine because there's a lot of people everywhere.

[00:04:46] Because when you divide it out, when you really look at what's going on here, folks, it's all up in Queens. You get you get a few news stories about this violent crime that happened. And it's like, Do you know how big this fucking city is? Divided by 4 million people? And it's like, the subway [00:05:00] is dangerous.

[00:05:00] It's like, well, how many daily riders are there? How many millions are riding this every day? And now they have the cops there, so I'm like, I'll take the subway. So anyway, I'm doing that. I'm a crazy person. And that's what I wanted to say at first. I kind of like that. But did you introduce yourself? I don't remember.

[00:05:15] You're really winging it. Well, I'm Jim, and I'm back from Mexico. Oh, from Mexico? Mexico, Puerto Rico. Oh, yeah. And from what I've heard so far, it seems like it's been a trip of a lifetime. Yeah, I think maybe. No, you really did enjoy it more than I thought. You're like, Well, this is shit. And this was you actually really have not said anything too bad.

[00:05:40] Yeah, I would say no. There are gonna be some negatives here, of course. But overall, all the good outweighs the little negatives so easily. Okay, so it's like, You as a whole look back at it and you're like, that was great. Overall, I had a really great time. Oh, sure. It was so relaxing because so and so or whatever was that one bar we went to like [00:06:00] unnecessary.

[00:06:00] Yeah. It's really easy to get to. , can we talk about the airport first? Sorry. There is an airport. Like it was custom scary. I didn't even remember customs happening. I hate custom. We got, no, no, it's the most simple thing in the world. You get off the plane. We had no line. We walk through. And got stamps.

[00:06:19] That's it. They didn't check. Then they had us run our bags through a little security thing. It was so pretend. You , wheel it onto this thing. It goes through, I don't think anyone was watching. It came out the other end. I'm sure they're not. It probably just alerts for , metal or something. You know, gun chase.

[00:06:30] Or guns, but also It was so fun. You can bring anything you want into the country. So I'm gonna have to. Is weed legal there just in case it's a technicality illegal? I think the Supreme Court there made it legal, but it's not. I don't think they passed laws yet about it, but technically it's legal, but it's still probably illegal to import anything.

[00:06:49] Sure, sure, but also some other friends who wanted to bring weed vapes and they said that . They just get told if they get caught with a vape, they're like, you can't have this. [00:07:00] If you want to keep it, it's 30. Okay. Here's 50. Literally alone. So it's pretend you just, it customs was so easy to get through.

[00:07:09] You get through, then you just go to a taxi. Matt had his first experience of a Mexican scam. Yeah, and that's where we're walking through to the taxi area But this guy was like, oh you need a taxi. You're right here. You're right here to that counter We went to this counter. I'm like so far. This guy has talked for five minutes about everything but a taxi I find out he's from a hotel.

[00:07:27] He's trying to sell me a day tour. I looked at Matt I was like Matt we got to go Matt was like that was weird. I was like Matt. That's just Mexico That's every other country though. They just try to do this. Well, it's sad. Hey, it's sad because they're they're starving, right? So it's like I would rather them not listen to him.

[00:07:44] I was like, all right I hate when they do that shit. I just give you money. I just don't want to go on this tour Honestly, I would rather just give 50 at the airport and everybody gave 50 at the airport So these people would just leave like go away every every country I go to that's foreign which is only been a few They're all hanging [00:08:00] out the airport and you're like, where do I go?

[00:08:01] Where's my car? Where'd I go? And they're right here, right here. Oh, cocaine, cocaine, marijuana. I'm like, Oh my God, can I just get to the goddamn bus? Yeah. That has really bad air conditioning. Probably the most no offense. Air conditioning is a thing there where it's a struggle. Oh, fuck. Really? But not everywhere.

[00:08:17] Well, not the bars, the gay bars, you know, and Oh, the resort. Right now, bitch, everything's going to be air conditioned. Honey, I need my pussy air conditioned. Ugh. So, it was really pleasant, walking around is pleasant you can get everywhere by foot if you stay in the romantic zone. So it's not scary.

[00:08:33] It's not scary at all, it's totally safe. The cartel is keeping everyone in check. This trans person I met said the first offense, if you rob a tourist, especially the first offense is handoff. They will cut your hand off because we're feeding the country, the money and the money is going to cartel then.

[00:08:51] A lot of it. Yeah. Yep. So, boom. Can't wait to experience, uh, Cartel. And my, I think my like, I think that our [00:09:00] snorkeling guide may also have been dealing drugs because we rode a, I rode a public bus with our snorkeling guide. Oh, nope. Which was hilarious. See, I'd be so scared. So funny. Let me just show you.

[00:09:10] do. You're very confident and stuff like that. And I'm like. I am kind of like. I'm scared to walk around America. Probably not smartly, but I am. Some people are just, that's Michael too. He's like. We walked to Taco Bell at 4 a. m. through New York City, and it's like, this might not be a good idea. This is the thing that they use.

[00:09:27] Is that a fucking vacuum hose? This is on the bus. Door was open. I'm sitting right by the open door. I'm screaming. That thing is a money station. So he's literally, here's how he's doing this. He's picking people up, driving like this. He takes a 10 peso, puts it here, hands him a piece of paper. , who's going to keep track of this paper?

[00:09:43] No one. I don't even know why they're fucking doing that. You should just pay as you get on. And then, he , takes off, and is like, has coins in his hand as he moves this, puts the coins in there, and , is arranging them. As he's driving, he's arranging coins. He's , looking at coins. No, I need you to focus.

[00:09:57] And the door is still open. And he's like, [00:10:00] Vroooom. I'm just sitting there like, Well, I need to hold on tight for my life. I guess, if these people trust it, it's fine for me. I mean, if you die, you die. Oh, yeah, that's how I was like, well, it's really pretty. I know every picture you posted. I was like, damn, I'm shocked kind of actually.

[00:10:14] Now, here's some things that I was writing. I tried to write down the bad things because the food, the views are amazing. The water feels great. The ocean felt great. Now and it's a very gay area for those that don't know so gay now, can we talk about the gays? Yes, and that's why I was saying PV really nice people everyone's friendly of locals locals too.

[00:10:34] Yeah, everyone's friendly So everyone's friendly including visitors or oh and that's where I said Good food bar crowd is basically Columbus with mostly disasters. Okay, cuz when you go in You know a bunch of fives and sixes busted faces, but about a day you look around and you're like, oh We have plenty of those trolls and reptiles around here.

[00:10:55] Lots of that. Wow. Here's your muscles. I wouldn't even say eight bodies, but like, well, it's [00:11:00] five to six is all around five to six across the board and that's not good. And, um, I said bath house felt like, why? , I did, I felt unmotivated to go to the bathhouse because of the crowd, like, at most of the bars.

[00:11:13] Oh, that's, are they like a bunch of GHB, , P2P kind of gays, or like, let's go do GHB, or what is it, G? I don't even know the fucking terms. While I was at the Montamar, which is a fun, uh, I have a story to tell. I realized it's a beach club and it's all gay except for some reason there were three or four women which I was like, what the fuck are they doing there?

[00:11:31] Yeah. All the staff, all the staff is men because they know that it's a gay resort. But I'm like, why are these girls? No, they were straight. They were making out with guys. Three guys, three straight couples were there. Okay, see now, if you're, I don't mind, I don't mind hags coming along, I don't mind the girlies.

[00:11:48] No, straight couples. Get out. But if you're a straight couple, go. That's creepy. We have to watch you at every other fucking bar. We have one bar. What if they want to watch you? I don't give a fuck. Watch me online. What if he's hot? Go to my OnlyFans, [00:12:00] which we're boycotting. Go to our OnlyFans. We are, because of Palestine.

[00:12:02] Yeah. Yeah. It's always that. Always back to Palestine. So while, I'll tell this story about Montemar, but while I was there, I looked around and typed this. I said, the physically hot people, bodies, are West Coast clicky cunts. The nice people are secret circuit party slash Atlantis gays. Because, and here's what happened.

[00:12:22] I was having fun with a group from Atlanta and this guy that I met from Atlanta separately, but all these Atlanta people. I'm rubbing my, you know, rubbing my hard parts on soft parts and they're rubbing areas and making out with me. I turn around, I realized Matt's making out with a couple that I met from Raleigh that we both Southern boys, a lot of, Oh, you're going to love it.

[00:12:44] I'm telling you if they're not from Canada, it's Atlanta. But then it's also a lot of what West Coast because they have direct flights, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, all of these have directs, directs, San Diego, I'm not okay. I'm okay. Denver has direct. I'm not okay with the [00:13:00] California gaze. Uh huh.

[00:13:00] Exactly. And there's a reason for that. It's the Hollywood gaze. So , I turn around and Matt's making out with this Raleigh couple on his own. I had left him for 10 minutes to go get a drink. I got a drink refill. Next thing I know, he's puffing up his pussy and making out with boys. Wow. So then we followed those boys later because they were really nice.

[00:13:20] So you're like, hey, we want to like kind of. And in their pictures on Instagram. They were on the Atlantis cruise two months ago, so I hope we make friends when we go. I'm not we will but I want to I'm gonna be I'm already friends with this Drake guy from Atlanta Drake. I'm coming to New York.

[00:13:32] I'm gonna come to New York when we're there. He might be able to. I mean, not really, but I'm just saying let's get hotter guys, but I'm just saying I'm going to try to make we don't want to be distracted. Yeah, no, because we're going to New York like yeah, I'm ready to be I'm ready to make shit shows I want to be so random.

[00:13:48] We will let's get a pretzel and it's like four o'clock I'm in a full black. Yeah, you're in a full blackout. I'm just like pretzel. I just want to be a fucking shit show We're gonna be shitshows. I can't wait to be a shitshow. I [00:14:00] know. Cause I wasn't a full shitshow in PV this time. And I don't think you have to be.

[00:14:03] This time around. Well, at a beach Here's my thing though. At a beach place, you, you can't the whole time. You gotta enjoy some of the beauty. Now, I did get really Ripped. At Casa Cupola. Casa Cupola is a That's the man. It's only nude semi if you want clothing optional And resort and it's on a mountain.

[00:14:22] So it's beautiful. It has a secret garden where you can go do naughty things and the secrecy I was way too drunk there like they were gay drinks because most of the places measure So most of the bars do not give you gay drinks even gay bars, but they're not a hotel But that's ran by a black American.

[00:14:38] Yeah, exactly guys. I own it. There is well, and that's a That's probably the reason those drinks were strong. Now we don't know where the liquor is from, but they are strong. Well it's the home of, it's actually good liquor because Jalisco, the state that it's in is the birthplace of tequila. So the liquor is cheap and it's like, okay, they make it there.[00:15:00]

[00:15:00] So when you get a margarita, it's like, Oh yeah, here's tequila, blue agave. Yeah. You're right. See, honey, I'm learning. And there's a drink there. They only have their, . Racist or something like that. I forgot how to say it. Racist. I think it's racist. Racist. They have that there. Racist. Racist. But it's made with a different type of agave and it's only there in, in Jalisco and Puerto Vallarta.

[00:15:21] So, huh, we are gonna, we're gonna have lit. Listen, I'm telling you our summer's about to be fucking lit. My last few stories from PB before people log off because they're bored of hearing about this trip. Another complaint. You have to tip everyone. You know, when you go on a trip, you feel like you have to tip everyone.

[00:15:37] You have to have fucking cash with you all the time, like, I'm like, Oh, you did that for me. And then I'm like, Oh, you kind of stand there. Oh, it's so awkward. But even when you book like I booked all these events through Airbnb and they still are like and tips are appreciated I'm, like I already paid 40.

[00:15:53] I literally just sat here for five minutes with you Signed me up and now you want 10. You carried my bag for five minutes I'm sick of that [00:16:00] shit too. He wheeled us from the baggage area to the taxi and i'm like I guess I should fucking tip in. No, that pisses me off. I did that. That I don't want you to wheel my bag.

[00:16:07] I can wheel it. I had to go to the fucking ATM and I was like, I don't know how much I'm getting out. Like I just got out. I went to the ATM three times in one day, 45 million pace or whatever the fuck they do. It's a weird amount. I'm over it. You have to take out 5, 000 pesos at a time, right? And it's like 5.

[00:16:22] How much is that? And it's not even a hundred dollars. What's the exchange rate? Is it? I don't remember how much money this is. I mean, 5, 000 pesos is a lot. No, okay. That's 294. Okay. But that's still God. I took it to 300 bucks at a time. So I wasn't taking 5, 000 paces at a time. I took 2000 at a time.

[00:16:41] Okay. I felt better about that. Yeah. A hundred dollars. That's like a hundred thousand dollars is a hundred dollars. About, about 1, 700 and you go through it. I mean, sure. Is it expensive? The food places can be expensive. We went to nice restaurants. So I've heard that. And I also heard, but then there's places that are not in the [00:17:00] tacos.

[00:17:00] They make guacamole in front of you and it's cheap as fuck. And you're like. And it's still good. The lady, the very first place I took Matt, keep in mind, he'd never been to Mexico. We would go near the beach just to see everything. We stop at this place called Margaritaville grill, Margaritaville grill, which is Margaritaville grill.

[00:17:14] It sounds like it's catering to Americans. You sit down, she wheels a cart out, makes guacamole in front of us. Then she takes two charred tomatoes, jalapenos, chopped onion, garlic, and lemon juice, and puts them in a mortar and pestle. Mmm. Does this. Salsa. And makes salsa in front of us. It was so good. You know what's crazy, and that's just vegetables.

[00:17:35] It's vegetables. Low calorie. But we're so But here, we have ultra processed everything. We have guacamole, but they add Taco Bell nachos. It's like, instead of that, what if we just ate real, , tortillas and fresh salsa. Right, fresh salsas, there's nothing that's better. If you know how to make a fresh salsa, babe That could be a meal.

[00:17:54] It can be a meal. Oh yeah. So I love it. Now there's just a couple other things. Now the [00:18:00] cash based, I don't like. So it's not just tips, honey. It's like people are like, no, they're not, they're not. So a lot of places only want cash. A lot of restaurants and bars are cash only. And you're like, well, I'm just trying to have breakfast.

[00:18:12] And I know I'm going to spend at least 40. . So that's a lot of pesos that I don't have right now. So I don't want, I had to go run and get cash twice at different places for breakfast. I don't like that because then they make you do the money there. I'd rather slide my car like Montreal and be like, you guys work it out.

[00:18:26] Work it out on behind the scenes to chase pro tip for people when they're abroad. I learned just decline the conversion because these ATM bank machines are going to give you a conversion. That's not as good as your bank in the States. Huh? So it, and they hide it. They make it look like you have to accept their conversion or you're not going to get cash out.

[00:18:42] But I can I found a button you're just decline conversion and then it keeps going through And then you get cash out and you're weird because your bank will always give you a better exchange rate because they pay me back when I go , Okay, now the last thing, [00:19:00] okay, it's very friendly. What's another little story?

[00:19:04] One night we were out and we were out of beautiful rooftop bar and You know, you feel a little f feeling a little, feeling a little fill in your oats. But we didn't wanna stay up late. 'cause you know me and you, you're not Well. No. It's like you're not gonna stay up. It's, but when you're going all fucking day, it's tiring.

[00:19:17] It's, we were up at 9:00 AM You're up at nine, you're going pool, you're going pool sun. You're going sun. No nap. Really Just straight nap to dinner. No nap. You're doing zip lining, you're doing snorkeling, you're doing all the stuff we did. We made churros one night. Oh, you guys did a cooking class.

[00:19:31] I did a cooking class with her. I love it. I think that's really sweet. And you know what? I want to say this really quick to Matt. Matt, you're kind of lucky because you're being cultured by your husband and he knows how to do it, right? This is correct. He's, but he's appreciative now. He's realized he's, he's told people down.

[00:19:48] You know how to set it up. When, when there's somebody nervous about something or like, Oh, this is new. You're like, okay, well first we're going to do this. And then you , you ease us into it. So I would like to say if you need a tour guide down to Mexico or anywhere, I would Jim is available.

[00:19:59] Well, thank you. Jim is [00:20:00] available. Yeah. And I will process your fees. And as a reward, he gave me balcony sex out in the open on the balcony. To talk about. Balcony sex. One would say I might have had some balcony sex. What? This weekend. What the fuck? What happened this weekend? On the balcony outside, outside of the hot tub.

[00:20:22] In the middle of the day. Wait, where? Right outside the door, honey. Out back? El casa de Bobby and Michael. What? Yeah. What happened? It was just a random moment. I know and I are we suddenly fucking our partners more not us. No, and I was not bottoming

[00:20:45] So anyway, yeah, but not just bottoming I mean but in general I feel like yeah, it's like it's easier Just shut up. And what do you think I was doing? Oh, it's like shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Just shut up Shut up, but she was you know, oh I like at the pool all day on tomorrow. And I was [00:21:00] like, you were making out with another couple.

[00:21:01] Why do you want me to fuck? You know, go make out with them. I was like, I make it. And I was making out with two different guys at once over there that were way hotter than the Raleigh guys. So I was with these Atlanta guys, the Atlantic, they're all white, by the way, and I'm sorry, but it was one of their midtown guys.

[00:21:16] Yeah, they were cute. So I was like, I was like, well, then we need to go to Atlanta to come to Atlanta. So we'll go to Atlanta like an October. It's cool. They said, well, that's when pride is and that's when they said to come. Okay. Well but yeah, we've been fucking our partners. I know we've been doing a lot of social things, four times this week, which is a lot for me.

[00:21:32] I mean, most of the times I didn't come cause I was like, well, I wanted to jerk off later. Okay, so I was like, you came though. I was like, you go out there. I said, you go out there and he's like, it's just, I can't. I don't know. I just can't. I know. It's just that they like it. No, they like it. And I just don't want to come with them all the time.

[00:21:49] I'm like, what'd he say? Right? Like, Oh, you're so big. Also. I'm like, Don't say things. I know same with Matt. He's like, give me that fucking. No, no, no, no, no, no. And I'm sitting on [00:22:00] the couch on the balcony. Like, do you want me to lose my erection? , what do you want me to do here? So I was like, lay down and I just sat on his face.

[00:22:05] I was like, lay down, shut up. No, because then I can just do that. Right. And then you're good. Eat my whole, I'm jerking you off. 30 30 seconds or less. Let's go eat. 30 seconds or less. I was like, I love it. Now, how many times did we come on the trip? I. At least four times. Okay. That's good. I think that's a healthy amount.

[00:22:22] That's plenty for six nights. That's plenty. I don't every night, sometimes I'm going to be blacked out. I'm sorry. Sometimes I was like, and you might've wanted to try. I could have, I did try once and was like, this isn't happening. And I, you know, those are the nights. Whiskey dick! These are the moments. I mean, I saw fun without coming.

[00:22:40] So it's like, to me, , it's not the goal anymore. Yeah, it's not the goal for me. I'm into week long edging. Yeah, it's really bizarre. I just once I come I'm kind of like it feels done Maybe I'm just still guilty about being a homosexual, but I just get like really maybe because of our age We know we have to build back up to that feeling.

[00:22:58] Yeah Yeah, I wanted [00:23:00] to actually These two days where I'm like, I'm fine if I'm going to the bar that night I'm not going to the bar to stand there. This is just I'm gonna have to make it. Okay, so I'm gonna know It's a sundry hold your sundries okay. Well, I'm glad you're back. Welcome back. Thanks. Yeah, I just, I'm excited.

[00:23:17] I was very pleasantly surprised because that's where we're going for my birthday. I kept thinking how much fun you'd have. You're like, the whole time I was there, I was like, this would be a free testing it for us. And that would be a place that usually are very strict with your guidelines and your rules for places.

[00:23:29] And when you were starting to say like, Oh, this place is awesome. I'm like, I am. Yeah, I do have very strict. You're very strict. I go. And I judge quickly. I'm like, it credit for what credits do, but you'll also be like, but also, that was fuck. Or whatever it is. Right. And not in those terms. We don't use those terms in America anymore.

[00:23:46] The quality of men, it could have been better in a lot of places. I will say that. But , it was fine enough. Again. You find your crew. I feel like I, well, this is going to go into mine a little bit. Girl. Girl, fuck. [00:24:00] Cuz I feel like we're on a different echelon no offense to anybody I mean, no, I'm not a 10 not a 9 I fucking maybe maybe barely an 8.

[00:24:08] It's not no it's a mine. It's an 8. It's a solid. We're solid. We're solid It's an 8 now. I brought something high that kind of gives this same vibe high thought Get ready high thought I'm actually kind of a cool person and personable with everyone and can make anyone feel like one of my good Friends the people at puppy camp talked to me like we are friends and that means I did what I wanted and made them feel Comfortable around me.

[00:24:32] I don't want respect. I want to be acknowledged as equal. Yeah. Oh, this was high. That was pretty I know intense. I was very high. I think it was during the Morales or whatever that happened here. Oh yeah, the Northern Lights, by the way. So by the way, earth, earthquake, Northern Lights, and an eclipse all in a span of two months here.

[00:24:50] So I'm almost like, should I be traveling with you in August? I know, or should I be going to where I'm going this weekend? May it be a flood now or a nuke ? Maybe it's [00:25:00] time. 9 11 2 0.0. Well. It's not going to go to the eagle or to the red eye. That's really what I'm doing. Bin Laden is like, I'm literally going.

[00:25:07] I supposed to rain too, which is fine. No, that's fine. You'll be indoors. Well, I want to take pictures. Like I do. That's one thing that I want to do for myself is go get some cool. New York is a good picture time. The buildings, the lights off the water. Yeah. Yep. So that's kind of my goal is , get some art done, but basically you're going to be in the hotel jerking off and going to these parties and jerking off.

[00:25:25] So basically I'm going to be jerking off all weekend. I'm so excited. I'm so jealous. So I also wrote in here. Well, we have something to discuss together that we've discussed, I think, briefly. And then we were like, write it down, write down. But what I want to say is I wrote something called comment Cox comment Cox.

[00:25:44] Talk about the phenomenon that is when people on X or Twitter. Oh, yeah, and they post something about themselves my dick's small or whatever then comes Comments of other people with small dicks that nobody asked for what's going on. So basically what I was [00:26:00] happening I'm noticing is like so I'm gonna be like my dick's small and they'll put a picture Well, then you have a comment cock that comes next and is like same bro, and then it becomes this whole Wave of just ugly cocks or all these things.

[00:26:11] And I'm like, once you start scrolling through the comments, don't be a comment. Cock yikes. I like being a leader, be a leader post first. Don't be a comment cock because it just gets kind of annoying. You're not even coming to them. It's basically saying, Oh, I don't care what you just said. Look at me.

[00:26:26] Yeah, so that's the point of comments is make your car like oh, no, bro. You look good or oh, it's fine I'm small too, but you don't have to post your god. These are the pick me gays they're like I have a tiny cock pick me gays the pick me gay. Yeah, it's like someone's posting of their cock and being like Yeah, I got a small cock, but I like it.

[00:26:42] It's like, okay, that's great and other people like I have one to look at mine. It's like, why are you in the comments posting? You should never be posting a nude in the comment section. Don't do it. Although randomly there are other people are like, let's start a dick thread. Unless there's a thread. If there's a thread, it's okay.

[00:26:59] But when somebody [00:27:00] is dating something like, I hate the stretch marks on my butt, but I'm learning to embrace it. And then. I honestly don't want to show their stretch marks and I'm like, but nobody asked you for your stretch marks. This is a public and this is what's wrong with social media. We all have to bitch about what we want, what we aren't, what we have and nobody gives a fuck.

[00:27:16] And they just care about themselves. This is just like doing speeches in front of people. I'm so scared to speak in front of people and it's like, they don't care. They don't, they're not even fucking listening. Think of the last time you went to a group meeting or something where someone talked to a bunch of you.

[00:27:28] I'm on my phone the whole time. I'm thinking about other things later. I'm thinking about where I'm like. That's interesting What was this paper? They oh, I can see that's the way is that a dick print? Yep. Yep Is he on his phone too? Let me see if he's yep. Oh, he's on there. No, it's true. Okay Oh, is this so you're doing that?

[00:27:45] Yeah, then what why do I think when I'm up on stage? Give me a rich everybody's like, oh my god. He is so interesting there Please, there's probably four full people listening. So just anyway, keep that in mind. Yeah don't be a comment cock. Don't be a comment cock. Now. We talked [00:28:00] about something. I think you might remember we were out and I wrote this fucking a mattress with Vaseline in our teen years.

[00:28:09] Yes, we did. Right. We know this did come up. This came up and it's time to discuss it. I think I did say to some guy , We were all fucking mattresses and I was like you fucked the match and I was like Vaseline I think we said a zip on a bag. Oh Okay, so everyone's done that girls girls have done. This is gonna be a no.

[00:28:26] They took the cucumber. We everyone with Has fucked a piece of furniture actually girls used to rub the pillows. I've heard girls mastering with pills like they Yep, somebody I think it was Amy Schumer or somebody, but somebody we don't like, and they didn't know that they didn't think anybody could see they're rubbing their the stuff and the parent finally had to be like, honey, that's something you do in private, like, because they were doing it everywhere, probably sitting on the couch at church, and we'll be doing that if you repped on doing this, this would get you off.

[00:28:56] And like, they don't know that it's not appropriate in public. So then you have to kind [00:29:00] of like, be like, You can't rub. We do. We rub pussies. We don't rub clitorises on the pew armrest. You can't straddle the pew armrest to rub your clit. So girls know. It's like. So the boys were taking ziplock bags putting.

[00:29:15] Now did you do a microwave trick? Uh, oh, honey, I, what? What's that? So apparently you take, so what I remember, I don't know. You're supposed to heat it up a little bit. Yes. You're supposed to take a cantaloupe, cut a hole in it, cut a hole in it, and fucking I Have you done that? I really feel like I have, actually, I've, I had, but I don't remember what, what fruit it was.

[00:29:35] My mom used to get, I don't remember what fruit. The fattest cucumbers. Oh, and all I did was hollow out a fucking cucumber and then was jerking off with it. So wait, were they like, where's the cucumber? Right? I don't know why my mom didn't say I made cucumber sandwiches. Oh, I just ate the whole thing. Oh, I'm like, Meanwhile, it's like low calories.

[00:29:57] Meanwhile, I had to put it at the bottom of the trash can. [00:30:00] Yeah, hide it under a bunch of shit. Pulling that out. Oh my God. Can you still use part of this? Can you fucking chop, chop, chop, chop? I just rinsed it off. Fucking imagine this poppy seed dressing. If my father or mother were like, What's this? You, I would be, you would have been kicked out earlier.

[00:30:16] So we used to fuck mattresses. We'd, we'd take the lube, we'd take the fruit, we'd take the bag, we'd take whatever at all involved Vaseline though. And I don't know where the fuck, why everyone had petroleum jelly and Vaseline around the house. But why did my, I don't know. My mom did too. Oh, well it was good for their eyes and sunburns for makeup.

[00:30:34] Does it take makeup? Oh yeah. And it does help the face . If you get windburn, it is really good. , I remember after skiing, I put that. Well, I know people do that now to, to , get the wrinkles. , cause it kind of softens your skin. Fill them in. It's shamanama. Shamanama. So, how would that app translate shamanama in Spanish?

[00:30:51] Should I? I did a lot of McGillicuddy down. Joe McGillicuddy? I did that a [00:31:00] lot when I was in Puerto Vallarta. Yeah.

[00:31:06] Uh, I'm not.

[00:31:15] She got actually hired at Morgan Stanley. How did that happen? Does that really, you don't want me to give you, I fired you, baby girl. I fired you, baby girl. Yeah. That's also, why would they want me now and not before they hired you? So if you were hired, then you're good. You don't need a reference. I don't feel like I wouldn't, no offense.

[00:31:33] This might be one where the text message gets forgotten about accidentally. Oh, I read it and forgot to respond, which that does happen. Girl, I know girl and people get so mad. I'm like, I'm sorry. No, it's normal if you text me and it's 330 on a Friday I'm finishing my workday because I'm trying to get to the weekend So if I look at it and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna forget I'm gonna forget cuz it's Friday.

[00:31:53] Not a good time It's not a good idea to roll Friday ready to roll Friday Friday. What's that little thing there? [00:32:00] What little thing? I can't see No can oh, it's air freshener. It's okay. I also wanted to discuss You What's our time here? We got a lot. Oh, shit. We're good. So going back to childhood, I feel we're gonna do a little childhood moment.

[00:32:14] Yeah, we have to go back here. I want to speak about something that I used to do, and maybe if you read it, it'll just be better. I feel like when you read what I write, it's really kind of funny. This is a good idea. Whoa, girl, fuck! That part. All of this. Yes. This question is, I was literally the worst student ever and still had a 3.

[00:32:37] 0. I believe you were. But I don't believe 3. 0. Okay. Bobby never did homework and would do it the period before. And if it was math, I would write a bunch of numbers and scratch things out and then look at the answer in the back of the book. Oh my God, that's genius. So make it look like you did the work.

[00:32:53] Holy. Some of the teachers caught on, but most of them were just looking. 7th and 8th grade, you played alto sax and [00:33:00] never took it home to practice. Never took it on the bus, so I was like, I'm not taking it on the bus. I never took that bitch home once and practiced. I think I'm natural. That's what I'm getting with this.

[00:33:12] I would sell my sob story to a new teacher every semester. It's been really rough. How can I get extra credit? You did not. Oh, I swear to God. You would just be like, it's been a rough semester. A lot of stuff at home. Oh my God. Okay. Never studied outside of school for a test. Only studied at school during other classes.

[00:33:35] What were you doing at home? Nothing. I'm jerking off on Craigslist. I just was like, no, I don't have homework. I mean, I literally didn't even bring my books to the classes. I would just, I never, I'd have my books just stuffed in my locker. I'd forget my locker combination. And I would, at the end of the year, I'd be like, Oh, I'm telling you I had this moment.

[00:33:54] I was high. Obviously you never, okay. There's more. You would write answers to the test in lead. [00:34:00] on the desk and cover with my hand on my leg answers and usually was better at hustling and finding answers from someone who already took the class. Is that it? I don't even know. Would make fake progress reports using Microsoft Word.

[00:34:17] And since it was new, my parents did not know the difference. What are progress reports like that the teachers wrote? Every semester at six weeks you would, or whatever week it is, you get your progress report. So it's halfway through the semester or halfway through the period or whatever the fuck and usually I was at about a 20 Or 25 at that point because I was not studying.

[00:34:35] Oh, yeah, I'm telling you I this is what I thought whether I was like, I'm actually like kind of I don't know. I don't know how you're here. Well, I think it has to do with the first thing. Okay. My first thing I just talked about how I get people to like, yeah, I just know how to manipulate. So I'm good at sales, but I literally at school, I never did anything.

[00:34:55] I never practiced. I never like, I don't even think I, I think I [00:35:00] Christmas treed my SAT. What's that? I never even studied for the SAT. No, don't care. Still graduated. Mm. But I would go to these teachers and be like, so you would write a fake progress report. Okay. Yeah. So my parents didn't know the difference.

[00:35:17] Cause it was like computers just came out. We had a printer in the office, like a first ever printer in the room. And I was in all these technology classes. So I was, I wanted to be a web designer. But I'm glad I didn't go into that because Crickets. I'm glad I didn't go into that though because it is a Diamond Dog sign.

[00:35:30] And it's like, okay, now people AI can generate. So it's like, that's my whole career. I'm done. It would have been you, I know. So I was like, okay, so I would fucking type out an entire fake. , what's it called? Progress report. Yeah, but , what's it like a template? Oh yeah, where you say at the top is bold.

[00:35:45] I mean, I would even, I'd cut it out and I'd be like, well, here's, here's my progress report for this class and this class and this class. And literally my parents would sign that piece of paper, and then I would sign the paper back to the teacher. It's [00:36:00] terrible. Holy fuck. But what I'm thinking to myself, I think what, why I was thinking about this is that, I did more to get around studying and actually doing it, than it would have taken just to actually study and do it.

[00:36:10] Oh yeah, for sure. Because I'm smart. Oh yeah, you would have flown through math if you, once you learn the patterns, math is easy. It's not hard. Well, I'm looking at it now. It's like, Oh, okay. And then move this over here. Do that. I mean, I don't like doing stuff that doesn't make sense to me though. So , when they're trigonometry, I'm like, I get it, , but I'm not gonna be an engineer.

[00:36:24] There was so much of that where I was like, sine over cosine. Hi, but I don't know how to balance my checkbook. I don't know what taxes are. I don't know what taxes are. How do I get my credit score up? , what is life? They didn't teach us. None of it. I learned math. Nothing. No, I didn't either. I was like, Oh, never open a credit card.

[00:36:39] Cause it's bad to open credit cards. Nothing in high school. I literally did nothing. I did nothing. And I still got a three. Oh yeah. That's what I'm getting from this cheated on online tests that had a Proctor, but having a second laptop next to me typing in Google to get help. That was in college.

[00:36:54] How did you do this? So I would have one of Oh, cause it's an online test. And your [00:37:00] camera had to be on you. And so you're looking over here where your eyes are glancing over here, but I'm really like, yeah, typing on and then you do this and look down there and you're like, and then I would actually have my what?

[00:37:12] I'm so shady that I have my calculator and I kind of lift it up and do this. They thought I was doing that looking at it on the calculator. Oh, you're smart. I'm very smart. So anyway, I'm just letting everyone know that if I just would put effort into things, I'd probably real. I mean, no, no. Is that crazy?

[00:37:29] It would probably be a genius. Probably. I mean, if we're being, I mean, no, I think I am kind of a genius in a way. And I also think this goes back to the first thing, though, where I can make people think, I can make people think that I'm their best friend. And this is going to sound terrible. Here I am. No, not you.

[00:37:48] People who like, Also like, Hey, oh my, oh my God, how are you like, I know I have a lot of three times a year and but they want to go reminisce and if I didn't invite him to my goddamn [00:38:00] wedding or something, it's like over like and it's weird because I'm like, Oh no, I don't really, I have people that at work and people are like, Yep, yep, that really like, you remember yeah, dark, darkly people like because I went to that wedding.

[00:38:12] So then I guess they thought what that meant. I was like, it was small guys. It was my family, literally. And 10 friends, they're like, Oh, I was like, Yeah, it's not that you weren't invited but also we're not close friends. Also, when's awesome also, I haven't talked to yeah I haven't also I haven't talked to you since I played darts a year and two years ago But yet I seem to always have and I feel like you are similar and this is why when we're together in other cities We end up talking to half the town we do and we went in PV.

[00:38:39] I was doing that I was like, wow, I've made friends and for some reason with me and you it's a Larry and Moe or what's yeah I love it. Larry and Pumbaa and Timon. It's like we're those we are those You Opposites in a way. I like Pumbaa and Timon. Beavis and Butthead. Yeah. Wren and Stimpy. I'm Wren. Which one's he?

[00:38:56] No wait, I'm Stimpy. Is Stimpy the big boy? Yeah, I'm the big [00:39:00] boy, obviously. But he's like the nicer one, I think. Yeah, he is. He's dopey. And the other ones are kind of bossy. And bald. . She said, ball and I, and she said Ball. But anyway, yeah. So when we go together though to these places, we're like, oh, oh, duh.

[00:39:12] And then I have my act that I do. You're well, yeah. Yeah. You go, I go into an act, I go into like a, you always act I guess I'll get pulled into this, and then you're loving it. Great. Yeah. I'm like, Oh, are you talking again? Oh, here he goes. He'll talk to anyone. And then you're like, it is psychotic.

[00:39:26] You're like, we are psychotic. And then I'm like, and then we turn it on and then we're like, yeah, Oh, we're not from here. Oh yeah. We're Midwest. We're from the Midwest. Ohio. Ohio. And then usually they're from Ohio. That's also the weird part. And now I'm wondering if we're not really personal. We just get attracted to other Ohio people.

[00:39:44] Oh no. I, yeah, we met Ohio people down there. Yeah. Oh no. This guy Drake from Atlanta was originally from Mount Vernon, which is right outside Colo. I'm like, oh. And that, that's, that gives, I'm like, there it is. Okay. And that's, that's the, that's the south, that was the face I saw. Yeah. Uhhuh. . But [00:40:00] he's dressing like a southerner now, right?

[00:40:02] Yeah. So life is good. I'm gonna get fucked this weekend. And you are? I don't, I want to. I think it's time like sling time like a different. I know. Oh my God. If that guy's I gotta get that fucking sling time I'm what I'm really truly hoping is that I can somehow sweet talk the bear producer of this to have it when we're there He needs to I'm like, oh we're coming back on the 18th.

[00:40:23] I would love to be a part of it Corona. Okay. This is a good idea. And you don't want to do on the same week as pride. No, you don't. You want to do it before. You don't want to compete. But he was like, go on the next week. And I'm like, so anyway, I don't know. Well, but there's all, so when you look in New York city though, to like, we think we have events here.

[00:40:40] We do. Oh yeah. Hookups, sex clubs, legit. It's called a workman's lunch or the lunch pail or something like that. So you can go at lunchtime. And they have bear hookups every Wednesdays and Fridays you go to a place you have to sign for consent You have to be like and you fuck and you pay 30.

[00:40:57] That's it Yeah, so they [00:41:00] have Wilton me and they have the places that we love to go to I love random 24 7 they go to the Eagle. They just go to the back room and jerk off. I mean, it's just insane Yeah, literally we could just go to the like I'm going to the Eagle like I'm her to edge. Yeah a whore this weekend and just oh and they open this other place now where you dance.

[00:41:18] I don't know It's really weird. I think I'm gonna like I almost want to do ecstasy this weekend You really should in the basement with those guys and just dance and you just love it And I really want to hook and I'm putting this out there I really want to hook it with that one hot member the hot couple I showed you and he was like, yeah Well, yeah, but which PS there's something hotter than them I'm sorry, but like, well, no, it's true.

[00:41:42] You're like, hi, going back. And they probably live down the street one subway ride away. There's a lot of them that live in Brooklyn. Yep. So they'll be there. Oh, they're going to be there. Yep. I know I'm scared. God damn it. I gotta go to this. We gotta get it moved. I think, but honestly, what I will say though is that there will be something.

[00:41:59] Yeah. Even if we don't [00:42:00] get that, we will go to a sex party or a lunch pail or cause it's all of it's club music upstairs where you kind of meet people and they have another DJ downstairs and that's what I mean, I'm telling you, it's where the fun happens. It's like being AWOL and it's all people jerking off and fucking and sucking.

[00:42:16] But no girls. Oh, and no girls. Cause AWOL it's like. A walls gun a walls. I'm like it's my dick out. I feel like we need a rebrand, but that's just me Yeah, no, we really do. I feel like we could really do we could do a revram sundries sundries You said you had one and my sundry is kind of like you know Semi annoyance, but the process of and the phrase cleaning the pipes out things like this So, you know growing up when I would go out especially with straight friends Their whole thing is to jerk off right before they go out because they're worried They're gonna come to fair gonna come too fast with a girl, which I don't know is a them problem.

[00:42:55] Let's put it that way because I don't these guys who come too fast. I'm like, what's wrong [00:43:00] with you? Are you not an antidepressant? Did you? Um, it's , like, have you ever? I'm like, are you really that excited about this generic pussy you found? Like, is it that good? That's what I understand. This is most of these guys do, but these straight guys, is.

[00:43:14] They're not finding things that are that good. They talk a big game, honey, but they've only been with three people. It's embarrassing. If that. When you really dig down into it, it's like, oh, you've So you guys don't know what the fuck they're doing off. So you had one naughty period where you had sex with two women in a year long period.

[00:43:30] And that's it. And then, but you act like you know everything about sex. Straight women if you want to know what sex is like, fuck a gay guy, cause trust me, he's been in it. Worst night of your life. Worst night of your life. According to the one he fucked. Well, and I was also drunk, in a full blown blackout, drinking a whole bottle of wine during playing the game Kings.

[00:43:48] Oh, that's not good. No, I mean. I love that game. We should play that. I think we're, well maybe, we'll, we too old. Yeah. What if we had a big group? It'd be easier, the probe. Maybe we'll invite people. We will invite people back to [00:44:00] our pool and your Oh, you'd totally be Will. And we'll have we totally bewitched.

[00:44:04] We totally be fucking will. So anyways, let me get to my summary before you hijack me through total What's in that thing? Oh, no, I took a pill. Did you take a pill? Yeah, honey, I took a pill. The minute I got home, I took a pill. Okay, good, that's where I was like No, this is not me on No, this is me like Totally be well.

[00:44:24] I'm just tired. Well, yeah, you got home at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Anyways, so that concept of clearing the pipes came from Straight Guys, and I always thought that's what you had to do. No, now? I feel like I have a very specific time frame where I can have come to before, but still getting enough energy and sexual fun energy to go out and try to have fun.

[00:44:48] But also, I can't come like, it's difficult. You know, , I can't like first round. I realized this. I had to yell at Matt [00:45:00] because we're going out and like two nights in a row. He was trying to be. Frisky right before we're going out. No, I'm gonna get horny at the bar where I would like get outta the shower and he would come into the bathroom like, oh, oh, oh.

[00:45:10] So annoying. I'm like, okay, that's good. Like what are you trying? Go sit down. Like I'm not, I can't come right now, Matt. Why you want me to come? Like, I'm like, Matt, why are we gonna go out then? Like we're eating dinner and then we're going out. I'm trying to go out and be like, yeah, be a whore. I fuck.

[00:45:23] You wanna have that penis a little bit. I really wanted to try to be a whore when I was out. So like you can't come right before you go out? It is. No, because then I'm ready for bed. P. S. Sorry, especially if then I'm gonna have a meal. I'll be like, Oh, it's one. I get ice cream. Go watch a movie. That's a couple nights.

[00:45:38] I was like, let's just go back. It's all you're learning from me. And you're learning from me though, too. I know I'm you're becoming adventurous. Matt's pointed out. He's like, seems like Bobby will do things when he's with you. I'm like, Yeah, he does. Well, yeah, he tolerates it. I like it because I'm not scared.

[00:45:56] You're adventurous. I'm an adventurer. So that's my [00:46:00] sundry is just, you know, Basically, I, I, I don't like it though, because like I did used to be able to come in the afternoon at 4 PM twice a day. And then I'm like, I'm ready to go out and party. And then I would have fun with someone at midnight.

[00:46:13] Yep. If I come at 4 PM, we're not even talking, we don't even need to go to dinner. I mean, I could do a, I could do a 10 AM. Yeah, I could do it. Exactly. Morning. Morning. Great. Then I have to have the whole afternoon and evening. I can rebuild. We're going to be at least 12 hours. 12 hours is good. Oh yeah. A 12 hour break in a 12 hour and it's still not going to be the first time, but I'll be able to get it, but it won't be that.

[00:46:35] Oh my God, you won't even be able to see it, but it'll be a good feeling. There's nothing like edging for weeks and then coming. Sorry. Okay, so is this now? I did hear this. This is a sundry Side story. Oh, side sundry. Apparently if you take zinc, it makes bigger loads. Drake told me that. , you think you're talking about Drake the rapper.

[00:46:52] I'm like, what you champagne Poppy? I'm like, okay. He's been eviscerated in the rap wars, by the way. I also heard that, which when I read into it, he's fucking animals or something. Yeah. When I read into it, [00:47:00] it's not good. Drake is, why are these people free? I, I blocked. I was like, he's not good. Oh yeah. We gotta start blocking people.

[00:47:05] Anyway. I love it. Take away their ad revenue, fuck em. I've blocked literally 20 different people right now. In the past two days I'm like, block them, block them. Do I need to post something so you don't block me? Yes! I have my new shirt. Oh I know, I can't wait to see it. This actually could be it. This could be the Al Aqsa Mosque.

[00:47:24] Now, this is our newest merch. Thank you, AI. I love it. Thank you. These are our two mics. We're gonna be out there. We're gonna be filming. Aw! Oh my god, that's what we need to do is get a shirt off somebody jerking off a, a, a microphone. Okay, that's a good idea. And in the sploot flash, it'd be not well.

[00:47:43] Like, meet, give me your meat pack or whatever. Yeah, we need that meat stuff. We're average dick vouchers or whatever. Average dick energy. I love it. I like average 40 40 year old saw in Puerto Vallarta, almost all of them are average. Hi, I like average. I don't like when they're too big. I don't like when they're too long and [00:48:00] skinny.

[00:48:00] I don't like when they're I saw some big ones. I was like, gross. No, sometimes it's gross. No offense. No offense. We all don't want big large cocks. We kind of just like average. Yeah, I don't know. Average Joes. Sundry for you. Sundry! I do have a Sundry. I wrote here, I wanted to say, oh this, I mean, this is answer, kind of was answered during this episode.

[00:48:18] Naughty boy. Am I becoming a 40 year old circuit gay? Because the other day Wow, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm wondering if this is happening to me, I'm going to be a Wilton Manor gay. I'm going to be the Dart League gays. The PV gay. Right. It's just a more expensive circuit. But this is what I'm saying.

[00:48:35] So like, I'm going to New York this weekend for what? A party. Goldilocks. Which is probably becoming what? And why are you going to that party? To jerk off. To jerk off. Why do you think people go to market days? Why do people go to these Atlantis cruises? So they just want to jerk off with randoms. I think we all are circuit gays.

[00:48:52] I think we're all circuit gays. It's just when. I started to feel like that's why I typed. Right. Right. The cute ones and the nice ones are actually secret [00:49:00] circuit gays and it didn't mean in a bad way. No, I just realized like oh, that's why they're friendly to other people because they respect other people's bodies They respect other people's sexualities.

[00:49:07] They're not going to judge you the guys that matt the couple that matt was making out with Let me just show you Yeah, it'll make sense to you. Yeah, it'll totally make sense. Mmm, yeah! Let me just show you. What does your shirt say? We don't, we can't afford health care. It's bombs, planes. I love that shit.

[00:49:23] We can't afford health care. We spent a trillion dollar on the defense budget and we don't know where the money goes. We're not even in a major war right now. I Our country is not at war, apparently really stupid. So, yeah, it's just not making sense to me. No sense. And let's see if we can get a size difference, because that's where you really need to see.

[00:49:41] Like, this is their because he's in film. So they dress up. That's kind of hard. That's Taylor, the tall guy. And then Ryan. Oh, I don't want to see Taylor's day. That's right. He's cute. No, he's really cute. So Matt was making out with him and that's Taylor. And Taylor's nice. He picked me up. But then I realized, I was like, Oh God, they just, they were Atlantis gays, [00:50:00] but they were so nice and friendly.

[00:50:02] I was like, yeah, I want to hang out with them. I wonder if we can find their friend, Gary, whose birthday it was, who was really cute. Oh, Taylor's kind of cute. Yeah. Those guys are pretty cute and they're nice cause they're not, they're not fatphobic. They don't fat shame. They're hot enough. They're great.

[00:50:17] So I think circuit gays really are our type, maybe. Maybe we are just circuit gays, period. And a lot of them are confident. That's the thing where it's like, they're confident. Okay, let me tell you though, the telltale sign that you're a circuit gay is if you have those goddamn neon shoes with a neon If I ever start doing that I wouldn't let you.

[00:50:32] We, we gotta talk. We gotta get real back at them. We still need, we need nice shoes, like I'm not Oh, I'm wearing, I'm on a Nike kick right now, honey. For me, the part where it would tip too far of us being, becoming circuit gays is if you become tacky. And that's what you're talking about. Right, You're talking about the rainbow bandana.

[00:50:45] Yeah, I'm not gonna be On top of the rainbow wristband. I wanna be an innocent circuit gay, I wanna still And then the little backpack that has a rainbow sticker and the rainbow shoe, it's like Yeah, no, I'm not doing that. Girl, we fucking get it. Girl, you literally didn't even have a gay item in your backpack last year.

[00:50:58] We have a stingy [00:51:00] jockstrap, there's just certain jockstraps I'm like, That's the circuit gay, crisscross the lace, the all of the crisscross applesauce. That's right. I'm not trying to circuit. I'm not trying to circuit shame. I'm not going to circuit. No circuit shaming. But we have in the past. Well, anyway, so they answer the question.

[00:51:17] Yes, we are becoming we are circuit gays. And that's just the bottom line, period. Uh, so if you're in New York this weekend, I don't really know if I want you to find me. But also if you do. Go ahead and find him, fill him up, fill him up, fill me and I want to warn our listeners. Uh, Juanita the parrot is a badass bitch.

[00:51:37] She bites. She bites. Who the fuck is Juanita the parrot? I, when I went zip lining, there was a cute parrot. I tried to pet Juanita a bit, but she didn't really bite. She was just trying to hold on to me because I was singing to her. I was singing to the parrots and I realized they would go like this. How much tequila had you had?

[00:51:53] They stopped talking. This was a 10 a. m. in the morning. You're Adam Mosa. There's a dialysis man. Sounds like a [00:52:00] dialysis bus. Yeah. That was loud. Dallas is totally digging a basement right now across the street. It's like they're building another house. Let's go ahead and put up another one of these motherfuckers.

[00:52:08] Anyway, if you've liked this episode, please share with your friends. Also, if you want to buy merch, just. Do it, fucking do it for, I mean, I just keep making mer for fun. And if you wanna leave as a voicemail, do it. 6 1 4 7 2 1 5 3 3 6. And if you want to go meet us at any of the places that we're going to, just fucking do it.

[00:52:24] But don't expect us to be, uh, necessarily depending on what you look like. Uh, we'll decide if we're gonna be nice or not. And I do have to put a shout out. Shout out at the end. Shout out to Brandon. Shout out Brandon. Brandon P because I've texted him a lot this trip. Oh, so you've been flirting? Maybe.

[00:52:41] So you're gonna be fucking Brandon now. Maybe sending nudes. I mean, maybe, maybe a lot, maybe he was showed up to Mexico and I didn't even know. Oh, well, we're going to know, honestly, honestly, I feel like I can't wait to meet him. We fuck our fans like we fuck our fans. We don't care. [00:53:00] Well, see if I look forward to if you're a fan.

[00:53:02] So if you see me at Goldilocks, just come up and give me a little tug. Or we gained 10,000. But are they the ones, honey? Look at this. Honestly, look at this body. I'm at 50 pounds too. Yeah, I gotta send you out. Do some reconnaissance in New York City. Go out there and collect. Yeah. Wait till we go. Is this gonna collect?

[00:53:17] I'll be 56 pounds down. Oh my God. By the time honey, I'm gonna be half of this is bad. No it's not. And hopefully so good. I re lose the weight I regained. We're gonna be the same size soon and that's kind of what I'm going for at this point. That's not good. That's not good. I thought it was your, I know I'm a thick boy.

[00:53:37] You're just thick. She's just like Michael. That's how you are. You're thick people Thick and fucking juicy. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time Goodbye

[00:53:53] There was something I wanted to show you, I think. Swimming with turtles. This is so creepy. Oh, Matt wants you to use this picture [00:54:00] this week. Jacuzzi. I'm back in the jacuzzi. Why? I don't know where this person came from. It popped up on my thing. I'm , he's , I'm in the fucking jacuzzi. I can't see.

[00:54:19] Hey there, it's Brutus Maximus. Brutus Maximus. I'm back in the jacuzzi. We got The jacuzzi! I need to isolate that. We've gotta get this guy The jacuzzi. On the show. On the show. He's probably gonna He's a circuit guy. Yeah, he is. He'll be at Goldilocks. You can find him. I hate when those type come up. I'm like, thanks.

[00:54:39] You won't know you'll be in the swing Thanks, you're in the swing like upside down. Like you've no idea what whose dick is entering you. I Wish I feel like you'd love it. But everyone's why'd you get you'd glance up and be like, oh that guy's hot Well, or I'd be like, oh god, I don't know And you wouldn't come unless you touched yourself probably probably wouldn't come because when I get fucked I'm not hard.

[00:54:59] It's weird Oh, [00:55:00] wow, I don't that is different. Yeah, I was always rock when I got I fully am concentrating on what's happening in the hole I know I'm so nervous You're nervous about poop. I'm nervous about a tear tear in my