Angela Melvin 0:00
Grieve, love, heal. You can't do them alone. We all lose people we love. So, let's talk about it. I'm Angela Melvin. My mother died when I was 10 years old. And that's why I started Valerie's House. It's a safe place in Southwest Florida. For children who have lost someone they love. Join us as we explore how to grieve, love, and heal together.
Nina Mendes 0:26
Hi, everyone, my name is Nina, and I'm the Communications Coordinator at Valerie's house. As students, teachers, and parents everywhere are gearing up for another school year, it can be challenging for kids who've lost a loved one. Grief can take on many different faces, and children cope with their grief in different ways. Today, I sat down with two Valerie's House teens, Mackenzie and Carter, to talk about their experience with going back to school with their grief. I also spoke to Valerie's House School Group and Family Support Specialist Molly Buck about how educators can best support students who are grieving. In this special episode of The Grieve Love Heal podcast, we're going to discuss what schools can do to make the transition back to school an easy one. Enjoy. Thank you so much, you two, for being brave enough to share your story today and open up about what it's like to be a teen who's grieving a loss of a parent. So, we can go ahead and get started by introducing ourselves. So, you can say what group you're a part of at Valerie's House and who is your special person that's died in your family.
Mackenzie 1:37
My name is Mackenzie. I'm in the teen group, and my mom died.
Carter 1:44
My name is Carter. I'm also in the teen group, and my dad died.
Nina Mendes 1:49
Starting off, what can teachers do to help you adjust to life at school? After you've just experienced a significant loss?
Carter 1:57
Well, at my school, I went to a small school, so the teachers kind of all knew. And so, they'd place me in different places, like different seating areas. So, that really helped. So, if I wanted to cry in the corner, I was allowed to do that.
Nina Mendes 2:11
McKenzie, what about you?
Mackenzie 2:12
I'd prefer my teachers not making a deal about it. So usually, if they were to speak to me, do it like outside of the classroom and not with all my peers around.
Nina Mendes 2:26
How can your friends or classmates help you with the transition of going back to school?
Carter 2:31
Well, again, going back to the small school thing, so I have some really close friends. And they were like, Yo, you want to just go chill at lunch and talk about it? And that really helped a lot. That was just like... It really helped.
Nina Mendes 2:46
What are some things that people say or do at school that they don't realize is actually harmful to your healing?
Mackenzie 2:53
For me, it was the comparing, like trying to relate. Like, oh, my cat died, so I know how you feel.
Carter 3:01
Asking how he passed... That was always a big question. And it got me emotional. I answered it to an extent.
Nina Mendes 3:12
And finally, the last question, how would you support a classmate who is grieving?
Carter 3:18
I would talk to them and see if they're comfortable talking about it. I have one classmate that was like that. Just kind of support their needs, so if they want me to be distant, I'll be distant. Just whatever they are comfortable with.
Mackenzie 3:32
Yeah, I agree with that.
Nina Mendes 3:34
Thank you so much. Again, you too. We are lucky to have kids at Valerie's House that are passionate about educating the community on grief awareness like you are. It's so important. And it's something that, unfortunately, a lot of people don't understand until it happens to them. We're now going to pass the mic over to Molly Buck, who serves as the Valerie's House school group and Family Support Specialist. Thank you for joining us today, Molly. Let's start off by introducing yourself to our listeners.
Molly Buck 4:02
Well, thank you for having me, Nina. My name is Molly buck. I'm the school group coordinator with Valerie's house. Getting to work with Valerie's House, I was hired in October of this past year. It's very special to me because I had my father died when I was young also. And being able to go into the schools and working with Valerie's house in the group setting. I just really enjoy it.
Nina Mendes 4:29
Would you be able to explain to us a little bit about the Valerie's House school groups?
Molly Buck 4:33
So our school groups are modeled after our groups that we do here at Valerie's House but instead of an hour and a half group where we are able to meet with the kids that long at the house in the evening. School is a little different. So it's 45 minutes to an hour with the school counselor present. And we again model it after Valerie's House groups; we do our check-in, we go over rules, and we do a fun activity with the kids.
Nina Mendes 5:02
And how many schools were we in during the 2021 to 2022. school year?
Molly Buck 5:08
We were in 10 schools just in Lee County alone, having about 15 groups amongst those 10 schools, all different age levels. But it was a really great experience. And we would love to grow the program for this coming 2022 to 2023 school year.
Nina Mendes 5:25
How can schools best support students who are grieving?
Molly Buck 5:29
To best support kids who are grieving, really allowing and inviting the children to talk and letting them know that it is okay to talk about their grief, their person who died. Inviting them to have those conversations because kids are in school a lot of the day that it's almost their employment. Whereas we work here at Valerie's House, they work at school. So, teachers and school staff, they see a lot of the children and being able to hold that space for the children. Having that ability to listen to the kids and just to be there.
Nina Mendes 6:16
What are some examples of things you could say to check in on a child who's experienced a loss?
Molly Buck 6:22
Do you need a minute? Do you need to take a break? We can go take a walk, you can sit here and color for 10 minutes, or we can just turn the lights off and deep breathe for a little bit together. Anything like that. That's an additional support besides just being there, being present, and being a listening ear.
Nina Mendes 6:43
How does Valerie's House help schools prepare and be able to provide this type of support for students?
Molly Buck 6:51
With our school groups, school officials, so counselors, a social worker, someone from her mental health team. They attend an online training over Zoom, and they have to attend this training in order to have a school group. It's about an hour. And we cover what we do. Our school groups and what we do at Valerie's House itself. And what just what a group would look like on a day-to-day basis and what we do in group. And we've also had the opportunity to go and speak and present to some schools, not even just the mental health team, but teachers, other staff members about grief and about what that could potentially look like with students who are grieving while in school.
Nina Mendes 7:39
Why are school grief groups so important?
Molly Buck 7:43
We know that grief doesn't end just because children are in school. It's an ongoing thing that we just can't turn off. And being able to allow that time and space for a child can be so important, especially if there's any sort of potential barrier that can prevent them from coming to Valerie's House itself for an evening group that then there they are receiving grief support in some form. It might not be attending Valerie's House itself, but they're receiving grief support in the form of a school group.
Nina Mendes 8:23
And is there anything else that you would like to add?
Molly Buck 8:29
If you were someone you know if you're in a school or out of the school and would like to have a school group started, please reach out. We'd love to have you guys join us. It's just another way that we can learn more and be more supportive.
Nina Mendes 8:44
Thanks again, Molly, for talking with us today. If you are interested in learning more about the Valerie's House school groups, you can visit our website under the program's tab. Thank you for joining us as we learn how to grieve, love, and heal together.
Angela Melvin 9:04
You're listening to the green love heal podcast produced by Valerie's house. Be sure to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram so you can be notified when we post a new podcast. If you know of a child who's grieving and in need of support, visit our referral page on our website www.ValeriesHouse.org
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
