7. Work Ethic & the Habit of Happiness in Littles, Middles, and Teens. Plus, Success Habits for Teens from GAINING MOMENTUM: Preparing Your Student for Success with or without College

7. Giving Kids the Habit of Happiness. Work Ethic in Littles, Middles, and Teens; Success Habits for Teens from GAINING MOMENTUM: Preparing Your Student for Success with or without College
Quotes from Episode
"We want our kids to fully experience what God created them to be,  in the life He created them to live."
"We want them to become strong leaders who are leading people in the right direction, which builds stronger communities and a stronger nation. And leading them to Christ and a life in Christ."
John Maxwell says, "Leaders don't rise to the pinnacle of success without developing the right set of attitudes and habits. They make every day a masterpiece."
Top 4 Skills for Equipping My Kids for a Successful, Abundant Life:
1. People Skills - interacting effectively and positively with others
2. Adaptability -flexibility, overcoming obstacles
3. Integrity - doing what is right no matter what
4. Wok Ethic - having a high standard of excellence in all we do
-having good follow through, even when it's difficult,-able to work independently
-maintaining a good attitude
Negative Things that Happen when Moms Try to do Everything Themselves:
1. You don't accomplish what you're supposed to, because you're busy doing other things
2. Others don't accomplish what God intended for them to accomplish because you're doing their things.
3.You end up being at your worst because it's all too much for you
4.If you try to do everything for your family, it makes your family weak by missing opportunities for your children to develop good character qualities through hardwork
When your child hasn't done a good job at a task, evaluate if you taught the task thoroughly and clearly:
-Did you SHOW them how to do it, talking about all the details?
-Did you WATCH them do it while talking about all the details?
-Did you EVALUATE it with praise and correction with a high STANDARD of excellence?
-Did you continue to FOLLOW UP with praise and correction the next several times after teaching the task?
If you didn't do these steps, don't be upset with them on their performance. Reteach them better this time.
Teens Success Habits, Success Portfolio, and Parent/Teen Young Adult Relationship Help is i

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Hello my mom friends. This is Val Harrison, the practically speaking mom. I am looking forward to spending a few minutes with you today as we talk about the topic of work ethic in our kids, how to improve it. We're going to look at it from the angle of when you have littles and middles and the olders. So I love this topic a lot. In fact, my vision, Lord, for the topic of work ethic is way bigger than other topics because I'm very future minded mom. I like to think about how can I prepare my child for a successful abundant life as an adult. And by abundant I don't mean have all the wonderful things. I mean truly living in the middle of God's will for their life, for who he created them to be, just really maximizing their life. So if I had to take the top four skills in equipping my kids to be ready for successful life, I would narrow it down to, I'd have to say, aside from, living out a relationship with Christ. Beyond that, number one people skills. You can be the smartest person ever. And i f you don't have good people skills to interact with on the job, and in other settings to o, of course then you are so missing out. Ada ptability. Th at means being really moldable and flexible as situations come up, being able to handle a variety of different things. So adaptability, people, skills, int egrity, y ou all know what that is. Doing the right thing no matter who's watching it is being truthful even when it's hard. Well the fourth one, and I don't have it in any particular order, but work ethic. If we don't equip our kids to be strong workers who go the extra mile, who do things with excellence, have a standard of excellence in the work that they do. Not a kid who cuts corners as we are tempted to d o too. This is, you know,, l o o k ing at my own self on all of this, as I say it as well. We want to equip them for really an abundant life in Christ. One of the key things is teaching them work ethic. So I want to look at some of the benefits. Of course, the adaptability that I mentioned earlier. This is absolutely an opportunity to teach them to handle a variety of situations and be an overcomer. When they run into an obstacle,"well, I know I've got a job to do here and I'm going to get it done. So how am I g onna solve this problem?" So adaptability, flexibility, being moldable, it all works very hand in hand with work ethic.Another aspect about being flexible and things is with the word moldable, it means that you're willing to take criticism or take critique and not let it shut you down. So that's another aspect of this also that you teach your kids through work ethic. I'll tell you about how in a minute when we talk about how to effectively hand off a chore to a child, but first, adaptability, people skills, work ethic, integrity these are the top four things I believe that employers look for. So having good work ethic is going to be key to your ki d's f uture.

: 3:25

But I assure you all the days prior to their adulthood, work ethic will still be essential, to just a blessed life.. Let's say you have just littles and maybe they're preschool and younger. What can we do with these little guys? What difference does it make right now if we're teaching them work ethic or not? So here's a way that you can teach toddler, to begin the process of teaching them to value hard work and have a good attitude about it. And that is, you know, just get some wipes and say, Hey buddy, it is time for us to do c leanup.

Speaker 1: 4:07

So we get to clean up our toys and here's a wipe for you and mommy's got wipes or whatever you're going to use. And work alongside them and making it seem fun. Group effort is great. Then give, give him some toys and say,"okay, now here's three more for you to do all by yourself." So now set him loose with those. Go away for a minute, not necessarily in another room, depending on the age of child, and come back over then and follow up with how did he do. So even at a young age you want to teach them both that it can be a positive thing, but also teaching them to follow through and being able to do it independently. Being able to work independently as well. So that's just a little bit that you can incorporate into each of your days with a little.

: 5:00

Let's look at a little bit older when they're, when we're ready to teach them how to do chores.

Speaker 1: 5:06

So at our house, I call that the monkeys, all of these obligations that moms have are like all of these monkeys on our back and they are just stressing us and causing us anxiety or to feel chaos. But actually we're just manager of the monkeys. In fact, it's not good for us and it's not good for our kids if we do all of them. It could be that God actually wants them to accomplish those things in a day instead of you. The things that they're capable of doing. So if you have listened to me very much, then you are familiar with four things that I say bad things that happen. Four negative things that happen when mom tries to do everything. And I just want to share those with you really quick.

: 5:49

One, you don't accomplish what God intended for you to accomplish because you're busy doing other things.

Speaker 1: 5:55

Ep hesians 2:10,"You are G od's artwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works that he prepared in advance for you to do." T here a re good works that he does intend for you to accomplish today. You cannot accomplish all of the monkeys that are on your back today. Some are going to be left u ndone and that is okay. And some of them other people are supposed to be doing, not you. And some of them, we just need to learn some systems to be able to do it better. And another podcast we'll talk about those systems are on my website. In some of my blogs, I actually, I have a set of, if you are a homeschool family, and I know lots of my l isters o r listeners o r not, but some of you are, I have a set that's called simple systems for success and it is all about some homeschool systems to get set up, u m, to make things more simple and to reduce chaos in the homeschool. So there are different things that we can do about the monkeys that we are supposed to be handling moms, but there are things that some that our kids are capable of and God may have even designed for them to do. So number one of negative things that happen when moms try to do everything: You don't accomplish what you're supposed to accomplish because you're busy doing other things. Others don't accomplish what God intended for them to accomplish because you're doing their things. Moms, you know, there's a lot of false information about what is good for kids out there. And I know it's hard to decipher truth from not truth about parenting and about what is helpful to our kids, but our kids need to learn to work hard. It is good for them. So please fight the lie because I believe it's one of the lies of Satan to tell you that you need to do everything and that, that if you really love your child, you won't ask them to do that. That is not truth. They're going to need to know how to work hard in their life and also it provides some self worth. some purpose in life when they achieve some things that they didn't know if they were capable of or even if they were capable of it and they know it, it, it gives them a sense of self worth when they overcome things and when they get things done. So working hard is good for them. Okay. The third negative thing that happens when you try to do everything is you end up being at your worst. I'm sure you've all experienced this. I'm signing up for too much, agreeing to do too much and then you end up doing everything poorly. And so that's another reason why you don't want to try to do everything. And the fourth is trying to do everything for your family, makes your family and the individuals in your family weak. And so I've already covered this some, but you really want to help them to be strong and capable and prepared for adult life. And that means teaching them how to work hard. Okay. So let's talk about-how do you hand off a chore to your child effectively. So I'm going to go through these things, but I want you to know first that for a lot of years I did something wrong. I mean, I did lots of things wrong. I've learned a lot of lessons. But one of the lessons I've learned is that my attitude and how I, get my kids to do things really matters. Not to make it more fun for them, although that's great and important, but it is important for your relationship with them, for their value as an individual, that you speak to them in a loving way, with mutual respect, with kindness, with compassion. Not sarcasm, not drill Sergeant, but loving tones in your voice. And I'm not saying that I always have that going on, but I didn't use to value that.

: 9:43

I learned with my oldest, my oldest daughter and my oldest son with both of them, I learned some hard lessons at their expense, by not caring about my tone. A nd so I want you to know that even while I'm going to share with you that they need to have a good attitude and they need to be obedient. I want you to know that that's not me over here being a drill Sergeant saying,"like it or lump it. This is your job to do." Th ose kinds of attitudes are not healthy for a family and they need to be out of here. I talk about in Clash in Your Home: Getting a Game Plan for Cleaning Up the Conflict, in that book, I mentioned the importance of being a team and we need to treat each other with mutual respect and love.

Speaker 1: 10:31

All of those other things like sarcasm or harshness, it just builds up walls between you and your kids. And you may not notice that for some years, but you will start to notice it and it will start affecting that relationship. I have more adults as kids than I do kids and I g ot t o say, it is so glorious. I l ove my adult years with my kids. Well, that wouldn't have happened if I didn't start changing the way that I interacted with them and really c hanged my attitude. So I really want to encourage you that while I am going to talk to you about some firm boundaries and some high standards, I am not talking about throwing mutual respect out the window. You need both. Y our kids need, respect and love and kindness. And they need boundaries too.

: 11:29

Okay, so let's look at that for just a minute. So their attitude when they're working is just as important as what they accomplish in their work. In fact, every once in awhile I'll get all guilty feeling as a mom and be like, I shouldn't require a good attitude that is over the top. And then I'll back off that. And I have found when I don't expect a good attitude and, and I loosely use the word required, but I'm gonna say require right now when I don't require a good attitude, they just get grouchier and grouchier and unhappy, more unhappy and more unhappy. They live a happier life when I have a standard of a happy attitude. Now just backing up with that for just a minute in my book, Wearing All Your Hats without Wearing Out, I talk about a concept called being a barometer of your child.

Speaker 1: 12:22

And that means being really tuned in to different things that are going on, like noticing the small stuff and letting that be a red flag to you that something might be up. And so I'm not talking about literally never allowing them to have a bad attitude because, you want to recognize when the symptoms are there that something might be wrong and you need to be empathetic and loving and understanding. And digging deeper and all of these things when issues come up. But as a general practice, you want to t each them the habit of happiness, the habit of cheerfulness. And that will go a long way in their life of giving them favor with employers, with, with coworkers, with a spouse, u m, with developing friendships as kids you want, it is a blessing to them if you will give them the habit, help them establish the habit of positivity or cheerfulness. Okay. So the first thing that I will talk to them about when helping them learn to add chores is I'll let them know that I expect it to be cheerfully. And sometimes when that's not going on, if I see it as a habit and one of them not being cheerful and I'm going to be like,"I'm sorry, I'm going to need to have you do that same job again and on this other room also." So let's say they cleaned the toilet and they had a bad attitude about it and they got the job done with a high standard but not a good attitude. Then I would be like,"I'm sorry, I'm going to need you to clean another bathroom toilet until your attitude improves because it's not good for your day and for your life to be frustrated about just basic obligations in life." And I will tell you when I talk to them about something I have learned, I'm going to get on him about it once. The next time, it's just going to be a consequence and not talking it through with them because then it becomes nagging. So just a consequence can be very effective if you know they know why."I'm going to have to give you a second toilet to clean because of the attitude. I'm sure you'll get it right this next time. This is good for you. We got this." You know, and no, no nagging with it, but just the bottom line there. They are capable of getting a hold of themselves with that. In fact, I have one that she struggles with attitude more than others because she is a leader personality and she really likes to be in charge and she doesn't love being told what to do. And of course that is not great for character. So that is something that, that if I really love my child, I'm going to work on that in their character even though it's unpleasant for me and for them to work on a character issue anyway. So sometimes I'll have to tell her, let's say she's doing some schoolwork and she's got an attitude and I'll be like,"You know what? I think we need to take a five minute break from this cause I can tell you're getting frustrated. So take a five minute break and we'll be back to it." So then she'll come back and often in those five minutes she will have corrected her attitude simply because she recognizes mom expects the attitude to improve before I get there. And I didn't even have to nag or anything. I did something nice. I said,"You have five minutes off." So that's great. So attitude matters. Now, how do I hand off the monkey and I'll stop saying that now I'll say chores first. Let's say I'm going to teach them how to brush their teeth. Okay, well cause that's an example that I give in my book Wearing All Your Hats without Wearing Out. You know, it could be you have a six year old and you come to the bathroom and there's a big mess of toothpaste and you're feeling all frustrated and you're like, man, I told him how to brush his teeth. Well the first thing to do is to evaluate how well you did at training that task to your child- ask yourself, did I actually show him my standard of what clean looks like in this process? Or did I just say brush your teeth? Or did I just show him how to literally brush his teeth and I didn't actually deal with how to clean up after y ou're done or how to not make a mess with t he toothpaste and you know, this kind of thing. If I didn't, then I shouldn't be upset with him. I should be upset with me. So let's say I'm teaching him how to brush his teeth with a high standard. So first I'm going to show him, I'm gonna brush my teeth and as I'm putting on the toothpaste, I'm talking about this is how much I use. And then I put the cap on and I put it back away and now I'm ready for this step. And so I'm talking as I'm doing all these steps and now I'm gonna have him do it and he's going to be doing while I'm telling each thing to do. Okay. And then the next day I don't need to show him again. I may need to talk it through with him a second day cause he's six all the different steps. And now day three I might be like, okay, it's time to brush your teeth. I'm not going to say anything at all. I'm just going to watch. Then I just watch and I'm quiet and now I evaluate with a high standard. I'm not going to be like, Oh he's just six. So he did good enough. I actually have a pretty high standard. Of course you have to take into consideration their age, but try to keep a positive attitude with it because we want to praise what we want repeated. So we get a lot better results with praise than with upsetness. But I want to evaluate with a high standard. Okay. Usually whenever we pass off a chore to one of them, if we have a low standard about it, then the next time they're going to do a little worse, a little worse. Our follow through and our expectation and going and making sure and evaluating how it went. That is key to them. Keeping a high standard.

: 18:29

I spend time teaching them how and following up. And then here's the great thing when I have given it to them and then I see they're having a bad day, they're busy then I can come and do it for them. And they're actually thankful because they knew it was a monkey they were supposed to have on their back and not mine. So then they're like, wow mom, thank you for doing that. Where if I just was trying to do everything myself, they're not thankful. Okay. The steps again, s how it, watch it, evaluate it with a high standard, praise what you want repeated and then continue to follow up. So y ou got some teamwork going on, but then you are also teaching them that independent work and you want to teach them independent work ethic.

Speaker 1: 19:20

All of those steps are in my book, Wearing All Your Hats without Wearing Out: Finding Focus for Your Family to be the Masterpiece God Intended it to be. I'll have that in my show notes.

: 19:31

I would like to talk to you about older students and how to work with them on work ethic. I have a book, Gaining Momentum: Preparing Your Student for a Career with or without College.And in that book I talk about success habits that they need to have in place or career habits, career steps. So some of those are that they need to pursue experiences. Okay. The more experiences they get in different things, the more adaptability they will have in place, the more understanding that they will have of other people. Empathy, important people skills. Well, all of these things have to do with work ethic. Another one is networking and memberships and certifications, associations, that kind of thing.

Speaker 1: 20:16

Getting them familiar with things in their fields. So if I want my high school students gaining some interactions with people in a future field that they're considering, I need to have trained them how to have good work ethic. Otherwise they're going to spend time with this person that may be a potential employer at some point in their future and he will notice whether that student has a good work ethic or not and it will affect the favor he receives or doesn't receive in a potential internship or whatever. We're always teaching our high school students, you are always networking. You are always building bridges between you and other people and you don't know where those bridges are going to lead. So you need to care about your integrity and you need to care about your people skills. You need to care about your work ethic. You know, my kids have gotten some great jobs out of unexpected networks, just bridges that they have built with adults. So that can be really, really beneficial if they have the right habits in place. Another thing with high school students is putting together a success portfolio. It's got their transcript in it, their volunteer hours, a list of the ways different areas and places and time that they're spending in volunteering and other accomplishments, awards, extracurricular activities, references from people. You know, all of these things require a strong work ethic. So moms, this is worth it to take the time to set your child up for an abundant future.

: 21:58

J esus said he came that we might have life more abundantly and we want that for our kids. We want our kids to fully experience what God created them to be and, and in the life he created them to live in. And that means we want to really help them work hard.

Speaker 1: 22:13

So I'm going to leave you today with a quote from John Maxwell, one of my favorite business authors. And I would encourage you with your high school students, have them check out some audio books from the library or audible or whatever you use on these different leadership skills. Business skills. John Maxwell is awesome. You can trust him with strong values as he also shares business skills because we don't want our kids to develop business skills with selfish motives behind it, but caring about others and leading others.

: 22:50

W e want them to become strong leaders who are leading people in the right direction, which builds stronger communities and a stronger nation. Also leading them to Christ and life with Christ. So J ohn Maxwell says,"Leaders don't rise to the pinnacle of success without developing the right set of attitudes and habits. They make every day a masterpiece." I would encourage you to have them, listen to some books by him. Failing Forward is an awesome one. That's probably my number one that I would start with with them because it's a book all about the benefits of failures and how great t he stepping stones of a failure can be. So it's shifting their mindset and that's really what we're doing with work ethic as well. Moms, we're teaching them that work isn't bad. We need to shift their mindset and a lot of that will happen. That shift will happen as we change our own mindset about it and the attitude with which we encourage them to work. Okay. Last thing for you, Galatians 6:9,"let us not grow weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Speaker 1: 24:03

I wanted to give a quick additional note about the book, Gaining Momentum: Preparing Your Student for a Career with or without College.. This book, the first two thirds of it is great for either the student to read themselves or for the parent to read, but the last third of the book is really ideal for the parent to read. It is about that unique stage, the parent child relationship that's happening during the older teen years or the young adult years. Maybe they're adults still living with you. Maybe they're college students or maybe they're in their last couple of years of high school. This last third of the book is really about how to do relationship with them during that time and it looks at the six questions of your child's heart and how to answer the questions of their heart in this unique stage because you kind of have to answer the questions a little bit differently at this stage than you would other times. The questions which I'll go over the six questions, we'll do some blog posts, some, sorry, some podcasts about that subject at later time, but I wanted you to know that specifically for teenagers and young adults, I addressed that unique situation in that book and the six questions, am I worth treasuring? Am I worth knowing, am I worth protecting? Am I worth believing in? Am I worth including and am I worth restoring? And those six questions would be answered very uniquely when you have an older child or a young adult child that is still in your home. Thank you so much for spending a little time with me this week. I look forward to visiting with you again next week on this podcast, the practically speaking mom podcast, a place for an intentional mom to build a strong family. I would also love to connect with you on Facebook in our private Facebook group, intentional mom, strong family. You can also connect with me on Instagram or on the public Facebook page, practically speaking, mom and on my website, practically speaking mom.com.

: 26:06

Moms. If you have found this podcast to be benefiting you, I would be honored if you'd share it with other moms.'d also be honored if you would place a review, because the number of reviews affects whether a search that a parent would do, w ou ld re s ult in finding my podcast or not. So thanks again and have an intentional week.