The Esoteric Entrepreneur

FEBRUARY RECAP: Pre-Pregnancy Challenges, Ancestral Encounters & My Wild Sober Bachelorette

• Jaz Borri

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Speaker 1:

I'd like to begin today by acknowledging the traditional owners of this land on which this podcast is being recorded today, the dark and young people. I pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. It's a necessary contraffinion of things. Hey, buddies, welcome back to the podcast. We've got our February recap and I know it's March already and usually I put these up right towards the end of the month, but February was a short month and your bitch is getting married in a week and a half, so I almost didn't record this because shit has just been not necessarily crazy and chaotic like I mentioned in last month's recap. But, Jesus, things are really happening, and it's not even just that. Like other life, stuff has been popping up and I'm just like bitch really right now. Universe, I don't need this. I think I've decided that I'm gonna just go dark after I upload this episode. I just want to come off socials and just be fully present in this final week before I go and get hitched and maybe just re-emerge afterwards. Don't hold me to it. I might get excited and want to post, but I'm really thinking that this is going to be the last year of me before I get married. However, we're not here to talk about what's coming up. We're here to talk about what happened in the month of February, and I'm pumped. There's a lot that I want to share with you.

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I feel like February was a month that I just really got into my groove. I felt really present during the month of February and really grateful for all the decisions that I'd made about pulling back. I mentioned this on Instagram that I am starting to feel this little itch again to create something big and step back into my masculine and do, obviously in a different way, in a much more sustainable way than I had in the past, because we're healing or healed. We're not moving in that toxic workaholic way anymore, but I haven't created anything new. I haven't been selling, I haven't been, I guess, just really expressing myself through service, like I used to, obviously about that decision, because I was getting married and I really wanted to be present during that time and just not overwhelm myself and obviously everything with my mental health as well, which, if you've been following along the last couple of months, you know all about that. This month, just from an overarching perspective, felt like I was reaping the benefits of that decision. I've had so many people tell me that I sound like really cool, calm and collected and I've had this sort of positive external validation and that feels really good, because I have been really in this bubble of just doing me and just being me and sharing what's going on in my life, rather than how I can help you, how I can serve you and teach you and all of this stuff. It's been really interesting because the feedback that I've gotten from my audience, from you guys, is that you're really loving it and that you're proud of me and that you are resonating with me now more than ever and feel more connected to me, and I feel exactly the same to you guys. So it's just been such a beautiful month.

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So, with that said, let's jump into the recap. We're going to go into the full spilling of the tea of my hands, my wild, sober hands, and how I brought together women from all different stages of life Women who are single, women who have been with their partners for ages and never want to get married, women who drink heavily, women who don't, women who were pregnant, women who were 60, women who were 20,. They were all there at my hands and we all had such an amazing time. So I'm going to share what I did and I think anybody who is maybe a sober Sally like me or you're just not in that sort of phase of life. Alexandra Cooper did a really great episode about her bachelorette party and I agree with everything that she said, but I do think that, coming from someone who is 10 years sober and throwing a bachelorette party, there's definitely some things I had to work through and I'm really proud of what I did and I think I have some great tips for anybody who is maybe nervous about holding a bachelorette party because it's like not your jam and you're not like wild it's going to be. I have some tips for you, but I'm also just going to spill the tea on exactly what went down and what we did. I've got some productivity hacks for you that were one in particular, something that has helped me do what needs to be done in the most efficient way possible, like I have never been more efficient in my career and my work in my life than I have over the month of February, because I've had to because of all the wedding planning stuff, and I want to share this with you because it's like a positive hack. There is no way, shape or form that it can negatively affect you. It's just such a sustainable productivity hack. We're also going to talk about pre-pregnancy. You heard me A whole bunch of other things. Let's jump in. Let's recap the month. That was February 2024.

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R is for reading. I am a reading girlie. I mentioned this in last month's recap, how I wanted to start reading and I've been reading and that was like one of our honorable mentions, that I was reading a lot of books about creativity and that was amazing and I loved it and it was great. Now, at the beginning of February, I decided I was like I want to be a reading girlie because I had been advised by my therapist to stop watching like psychological thrillers and true crime because it was really affecting my nervous system and it wasn't helping my recovery. So I was like, okay, let me read then and I'm not going to lie, I still only read thrillers and psychological dramas and like fictional crime. But I find that reading that doesn't affect me at all, let alone even just the slightest bit. So I was like you know what I'm going to read. I want to become a reader.

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So I asked on threads. I was like, hey, anyone who reads more than five books a month. What the fuck are you doing? Give me the fucking tips, give me the hot goss the 411 if you will on how I can become a reader. Because I was like how the fuck are these people reading that much? Like, how do you have that much time in your day? What the fuck is going on? And all of them said I don't watch TV. So instead of watching TV or scrolling, I will read instead.

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And I have a Kindle, and so whenever I'm in a waiting room or I have spare time, I bring my Kindle or my book along with me and I'm reading. I'm never scrolling, I'm always reading. Of course, we have our little scrolls and whatnot, but these people have low screen time and I was like, okay, that's something that I need to do, so surely I can switch out the habit. And I actually got like a really big response to go on my threads and have a look if you're wanting to do this as well. But that was like the main tip. Everyone was like you got to switch out your screen time for reading time, and I honestly believe that the Kindle is the secret weapon for this, because Kindles tell you how many minutes you have left in your chapter, and most of the time it's seven minutes, four minutes, 15 minutes, and you're like I've got 15 minutes, I don't have to be here. Seven minutes, only seven more minutes. I can do that. And so you end up reading way more because there is this little prompt that says it's only going to take you this amount of time, rather than just looking at how many pages you have. It's been an absolute game changer. Are you ready for this stat that I'm about to give you?

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In January, I read in whole, like completely right, I read one book and it was a short book. I started many other books, I was dipping my toe in all the creativity books and blah, blah, blah. That was amazing, but I didn't actually finish any more than one book in January and then I started doing these tips and methods that everyone on threads had told me. God bless the reading girly book community on the internet, because I was so forthcoming and I read six books in February reminding you now, february is a short month and I didn't start reading until, I want to say, maybe, like the 9th of February, like I didn't actually start, like putting in any of these tips into practice. So in three weeks a little under three weeks I read six books.

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I also believe that the hack for this, for me, was that they were all but one of them were thrillers, or every single one. Now, if you are somebody who is wanting to read more, you need to find a genre that you fuck with. If it is spiritual books, if it's fantasy, if it's thrillers, if it's whatever, you just need to find the genre that you could just completely never get sick of and then throw in one other second favorite. So for me, thrillers. I could read thrillers all day, fucking every day. Their stories, all the things.

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But I also love to consume information. I love to learn, so I also have a learning book as well, and so for me last month, that was the success myth which I had started the month before. I finally finished it last month, and it was amazing, like I still learnt something. I still was reading books that were helping me become a better person, more enlightened soul, a better business person. This month, the book that I'm reading is Company of One and I'm loving it. It's really great. But all the rest of my books are gonna be thrillers, and then I figure that way. How much more fucking knowledge am I gonna have if I read 12 self-help, business, spiritual, like knowledge base books? I'm gonna be a fucking powerhouse are you kidding me? And if I get really good at reading, I might be even able to get two in there some months. We'll see. Now, how is this a productivity hack? This is my productivity hack, by the way.

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I have found that because the books that I'm reading are so enjoyable to read. All I wanna do is get back to the book, so I will read for one hour in the morning, and that has meant that sometimes I've had to get up an hour earlier than what I normally would. There were a couple of days where I didn't read in the morning. Full panic attack that day, like just didn't feel settled. It's very meditative. Obviously, reading is. I'm not meditating at the moment, but I feel like reading is really helping me calm my nervous system.

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I sit there, I have my cup of tea, I read my book and by the time I've finished my cup of tea, usually it's about 45 minutes. I'm a slow drinker. I just sip on that baby and then I either if I need to get up and go along with my day and get stuck into work, then so be it, or I'll keep reading if I've got time, but I find the longer that I can allow myself to read in the morning it means that I'm excited or motivated to go and do the work that I need to do the needle moving tasks. I'm not gonna fuck around with shit that day. I'm gonna do the things that need to get done for me to move needles in my business, in my work, with my wedding, whatever it may be in my life. I'm gonna do them as quickly as I possibly can, as efficiently as I possibly can, so that I can get back to that book.

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I have been in bed reading every single night 8.30, latest 8.30, I'm in there. I'm getting two hours of reading in. It's amazing. I have gotten so much more done and I'm getting quality work done. I'm not overthinking the work that I'm doing as much. Even right now I'm reading this book called the Perfect Marriage. I love it. It is literally one of the best reads that I've ever read because of the themes. It's Law Order S4U, aka my favorite show. I've seen every single episode of Law Order S4U and like suits the show suits. It's giving a little bit of that with like level one smut, like it's fucking incredible. It is such a good fucking book. Go fucking read it, especially if you love thrillers and all I wanna do is record this. Get it done, get it edited, get it uploaded so I can get back to that fucking book.

Speaker 1:

If you are struggling with procrastination, if you are struggling with perfectionism, if you are struggling with just simply overthinking and then just getting in your head a lot and you're feeling anxious and just a little bit like chaotic when it comes to your business and your work and what you are producing in your life, pick up a fucking book that you really love, find a genre that you are obsessed with, download a couple of books on your Kindle or purchase them in hard copy and simply read in the morning. That's the most important part. You gotta read in the morning because then you're like thinking about it and you wanna get back to it and it's gonna make you work so much smarter during your day because all you wanna do is get back into bed with that sexy book, try it out and let me know how you go. E is for expecting. I am on my pre-pregnancy journey and I wanna share a little bit about this because I think it's important.

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I think a lot of women worry about what will happen to their business, what will happen to their job, what will happen to their work and, for a lot of us, what will happen to our identities when we walk into motherhood. How do we truly balance the kind of founder that we wanna be, the kind of entrepreneur we wanna be, business owner, creative person, woman that we want to be, while still being a mother? Because there's a lot of rhetoric out there that tells us that your whole life changes and the person you are right now dies and you'll never know her again. And I am not on that train. If you believe that, that's totally fine for you. If that was your experience, amazing. But for me, I wanna do everything in my power for that not to be my experience, because that's not what I want for my life. And although, like everything else, we don't have control over the future, we do have free will and we do have choice.

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I think that this is an important topic to talk about and something that I have been very intentionally thinking about for the better half of two years, really thinking about what my business would look like if I was pregnant, what it's going to look like if and when I have a child, what it's gonna look like when I married. All these things I have been very intentional with and I've spoken here and there about these kinds of things, and whenever I do, I tend to get some DMs being like oh, thank you so much for talking about this, or if I've talked about it at an event, people really resonate with it and I think it's something that a lot of women feel, but we don't feel like we should speak up about that feeling that we don't wanna die. This version of us doesn't. We don't want her to die, and if she's gonna die, maybe we don't wanna have kids. There's a lot that comes up with this conversation and so, before I open up this can of worms, I do just wanna preface that this is my story, this is my opinion. I invite you to listen to it, integrate it into your system, see if it resonates with you, and if it doesn't, that's totally fine. If it does, I love that, let's chat. But it's not up for discussion, it's not up for debate whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong. I just wanna share my experience and the people that resonate with it. That's who it's for, and if it doesn't resonate with you, it's not for you all good. I'd love for you to stay open-minded so that you can learn more about yourself through your disagreements, of how I see things and what I'm doing. I've even found listening to people with my own journey, listening to people that sharing how they are parenting, how they are moving through pregnancy, how they are moving through trying for a baby, how they're moving through marriage, and all of that just sharing and listening to people's stories. A lot of the time I don't agree with what they are doing for me. It's not something that I would wanna do for me, it doesn't inspire me to be like them, but at the same time, I'm so grateful for that because by them sharing that, it's showing me exactly what I don't want and again, no judgment for them. But that's actually what's helped me carve out and understand what it is that I do want. There is this concept of via negativa, which I feel like I've talked about on the podcast before, which is like understanding what something is by identifying what something isn't, and I think that's just so underrated and the only way that, or a big way that we can do this with how we wanna live our lives, is by listening to people's stories without judgment for them, you can judge it within yourself and see how it feels in your body. We can do that without judging other people. So I pray that, as I talk about this, that you can bring on that stance and that it serves you either way Now.

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Pre-pregnancy prep. I decided to take some actions this month and I wanted to share what I'm doing and what I've done. A big one for me was I went and got all of my screening done, for I don't even know what it's called, but it's like you get a blood test and they check to see if you are a carrier for certain birth defects and diseases and all the things. So I went and got that done. I had to get a top-up of a vaccine as well, and this all happened in the one day and I was literally at the doctors for five hours. I was going here to get this shot and pick this up, and then go here and get this blood test and go see this doctor and da-da-da-da, and I just thought to myself holy fucking shit, god bless Dan, but he is doing none of this. This is all on me, and I started to feel a little bit overwhelmed because in my doctor's appointment I was asking her about all the possibilities.

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My mom had quite a traumatic birth with me, and that same traumatic birth happened with her with my grandmother, and so birth and pregnancy is something that I've had a lot of anxiety around and it scares me, to be quite frank, and so I really wanted to speak to professionals and as many people as I possibly can to just help me understand. It's probably very different now than what it was in the 90s and the 70s and whatever. So I'm having all these conversations and it just seems so unfair that Dan doesn't have to do anything. He gets to like just show up when he's ready and like vibe and have a good time, and then he doesn't think about anything like at all for another 10 months. That's not completely true, because obviously we're doing this together, we're very much a team, but I'm housing this baby literally you know what I mean Like I am the womb, I'm having to give up the certain things and change the way that I move through my life and have to deal with the morning sickness, if that comes along, or whatever. I have to get the shots, I have to get my blood done. I have to look at all these things first before he does.

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I've noticed that a lot of the stuff that you have to do pre-pregnancy is obviously because, as the woman we're carrying is all like on us, and I wasn't expecting to feel any kind of way about that. I wasn't expecting to feel the tinge of like resentment. It's not resentment, but it's more like envy and jealousy towards Dan. I had to check myself and be like this is the way that it is and it's not his fault that this is the way that nature works. But I did notice that I was kind of like this is fucking shit and it just reminded me that there's somebody who is a feminist, is all about equality and equality is a linear like. I totally get that that.

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I guess this whole birth pregnancy thing is just unfair and is something that I just have to come to terms with. And I think that's been like the hardest thing for me during this pre-pregnancy stuff is having to understand that it just isn't gonna be fair, that there's a part of me, as the hardcore, staunch feminist that I am, who wants everything to be equal and Dan is the same. We want everything to be equal between us but that this thing is just not gonna be fair. It's gonna take more energy out of me than it will out of him and yet that kid is going to be just as much mine as it is his. And it's not to say that I'm like my baby, that's not what I mean. But to think that I'm doing 90% of well, 99% of the work of growing the baby and I'm not going to get 99% of the glory for the manifestation of this child, knowing how people treat mothers and how people treat women and how society treats us, there's a part of me that is fucking mad about that and I'm lucky that I have Dan that understands that.

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He's been really open to, I guess, any kind of option that I feel is right for me. He is always saying to me what is gonna make you the most happiest? And for a while I was like can you self fucking say that I need you to be just as involved? It feels like you don't care. When you're like what's gonna make you happy, it just it feels like you don't have an opinion. It feels like you don't care. It was like it's not that, it's just that what you want comes above what I want, because you're going to grow the baby and I was like cool, I know that you mean that, but I'm gonna need you to repeat that over and over again because I'm pissed that this is the way nature works, because it's not fair, it's not equal, it's not fair. And, yeah, these are conversations that we're having all the time, like these are conversations I'm reminding myself, and it's interesting, like even something as simple as like the prenatals.

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The prenatals that they tell you to take, right, is elevate. Elevate's like the main one, and it's basically like a multivitamin I've found through doing research is it's basically a multivitamin that has like a really high dose of ifolic or whatever in it which helps with the. Actually, you know what? I don't even fucking know what it helps with, but I just know that you're supposed to have it. Anyway, I go into the pharmacy and I'm like to the woman. I'm like, hey, I need elevate. And she's like here's three months, you're getting it on discount. I can't go for it. Okay, yep, sounds fucking great, I'm gonna go grab this. So I grab the elevate, I get into my car.

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I look at the fucking tablets horse tablets, huge. I'm like how the fuck am I going to take these one One? How the fuck am I gonna take these Two if I have morning sickness? How the fuck am I gonna not gag on this when I do get pregnant? Like how the hell am I gonna stomach this bad boy, not vomit it up? And I just got pissed off again. I was like why the fuck am I taking these fucking vitamins and he doesn't have to do anything and I have to swallow these horse pills every day? And so I did a little bit more research and I was like do I actually have to take these? Do I need everything in these? And I looked as well as I'm happy to take three separate pills.

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Surely someone has made prenatal for people who aren't great at taking tablets. And look, I'm not the worst, but I'm also not the best. It's just a little bit anxiety inducing thing. I just think I'm gonna choke, right. So I'm like researching and I make sure that people have put it into two tablets. So it's like you take two of them a day Because you can't split this tablet, by the way, like it is big and it is round and it is unsplittable. So I look online guess how many prenatals aren't horse tablets or offer the two part tablet One brand that's American, so you can only get it in America. There is no other option on the market. So if anyone's thinking about starting a vitamins company that is surrounded by women's health and you're thinking about creating a prenatal, can you fucking make it in two please? Okay, that's a business idea. Someone go and do that. Thank you.

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So if this is you, or if there's something you're worried about when you're going into pregnancy, I did the work for you. I went to my doctor and I said, hey, what's the alternative to Elevix? That's not gonna work. I didn't say, hey, is there any alternative? What else could I do? No, I was like this is not happening. This is not going to work for me. I want to take the things that I need to take to be healthy, to produce a healthy pregnancy. I'm gonna need you to give me a solution. And my doctor said, okay, you actually don't need everything within this tablet because you've already had a really recent blood test and we can see everything.

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I had the pre-pregnancy bloods taken to see where all my levels were at. She goes you only actually need to have ifolic iron and vitamin D. And I was like, really, cause I'm already taking iron and vitamin D. She was like, yeah, everything else in your system is fabulous. She was like prenatals really are for people who haven't done this test or don't want to do the blood test to see where their vitals are at, or for people who have a lot of deficiencies and they're going to be taking up to 12 vitamins and they don't want to do that, so they'd much rather just take the one. So I was like cool, and that sounds like it's not me. She was like that's not you, because we can see here what it is that you actually need. So moral of the story here is, if you ask somebody who's going through pre-pregnancy or you're thinking about all this sort of stuff, go get the fucking blood test so that you know where your levels are at, and then, instead of going and taking L of it or the big horse tablet vitamins, ask them what are you deficient in and what do you need to create a healthy pregnancy specifically for you?

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The bad thing about GPs, especially if you have a shitty GP I'm really lucky you have an incredible GP, I actually have two really great GPs is that they more than willing to give me something that is catered to me. But I also understand that GPs are under so much fucking stress. You only get what you ask for, and I can see how this is going to be so true across the board. Moving forward, if and when I do get pregnant, you are going to need to ask the questions, and it's not even about necessarily like advocating for what you want. It's more, if you don't ask the question, they're not gonna tell you. And, as somebody who likes to have all the information, as somebody who is not a go with the flow kind of gal, as somebody who wants to know all of her fucking options, this is what I would recommend to anybody who feels the same.

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Pregnancy, pre-pregnancy, birth, motherhood there's so much fucking unknown To me. As an anxiety girlie, I need to know what's up and I just wanna remind you, if you are somebody, even if you're not thinking about getting pregnant maybe you're just going through some health stuff and it's really overwhelming you have to find the courage and the confidence to ask the questions. To be annoying quote unquote to take that little bit of extra time, even though your appointment is only an hour long and you can see that it's five minutes past the hour and you've still got more questions. Who gives a fuck? Ask the questions If they need to move on, they'll tell you and if you still need more answers, you can say hey, can we set up a phone consult because I still have a lot of questions.

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Good doctors will support you in that and I just think it's so important as somebody who's gone through so much chronic pain like I'm fucking seasoned at this but I just feel pregnancy and birth is so fucking scary, like I'm scared shitless, scared, fucking shitless. But I know what's gonna help me is by asking questions and making sure that every stone has been turned over. I even double ask questions sometimes, like just so I can make sure I've got this straight. This is what you mean? X, y, z. And they're like yes, I'm okay, cool, can you write that down? Can you please print that out? Can you please do that? And usually they're like yes, I find female doctors better than male doctors. But again, one of my doctors is a male and he's a legend, but I feel like he is a unicorn.

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I don't know how much I'm gonna share more about pre-pregnancy. I wanna see how this lands. I don't see if anyone has anything to say, if I get any feedback, what the go is. Part of me wants to share, like all of the stuff around pre-pregnancy and going through getting pregnant. I feel like nobody shares this part.

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I think, especially as a business owner, I feel like it could be so powerful to share like how I'm feeling with being in the first trimester and trying to run a business and trying to launch this product. I think it could be really helpful and powerful. But I also know that this kind of content people either love or they fucking hate. And I'm just here to make content for this community. If you're listening to this and you feel passionately either way, if you're like, look, I love you, babe, but if you keep going on about this pregnancy stuff, I'm gonna have to turn off because that's just not me Unrelatable. Don't care whatever you do you, but just wanna let you know that ain't me. I want that kind of feedback because you're part of my community and I care about what you want and I just don't know how many people in my community are in this same phase of life.

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I feel like we're all around the same age, but that doesn't really mean anything because being child free or choosing to go child free is something that I am like fucking all for with people. I just wanna know my particular audience, my particular people, you guys, is this something that you would like me to take you along the journey on? I'm not saying I 100% will. A part of me does wanna be really private about this, but then there's another part of me that is like why I don't like being private. I like sharing. So I think for me, I just wanna know if it's going to be helpful. I know it would be helpful for me to share, but I don't wanna do if it's like actually valuable and you're going through the same thing and there's like a decent amount of people who really want this. So please let me know if you're staunchly one way or the other. If you're a no, just be polite and be like hey, just letting you know cause you asked, and both ways, even if you're not thinking about having children and maybe you just are really nosy. I was always like that too. I'm like tell me everything. I wanna know everything. Let me know if you would just really like to hear about it or not.

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And the other really cool thing as well that happened this month on the whole expecting thing is I have two friends that are pregnant. They are two weeks apart, which is just like insane. And then she hasn't told anyone, so I don't wanna give too much information about who this is. But another one of my friends told me that she is starting IVF, very unexpectedly, and it just feels so good to be surrounded by other women who are going through the same things and the people that these people are. To me it just feels really special. And again, I'm not pregnant yet but just to know that like I'm in the same season and I have community and friends around me that are going through the same thing as me is really exciting. Because for me I don't have a lot of like really close girlfriends. I'm realizing I've actually gathered way more than what I had realized.

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Talk about more of that when we talk about the hens, but for me I always just wished that I would have, I guess, people in my life that I would be able to create families alongside. I always had dreams of having kids the same time as my best friend. I don't have a sister. My brother is four and a half years younger than me. Like he's definitely not anywhere near wanting to start a family or anything like that. I didn't have a lot of cousins growing up that were close in age and I had friends that did, and I always wished that I had that, and so it makes me emotional. But like to find myself now in this space wow, why am I getting so emotional about this? To find myself in a place where I'm surrounded by that when I really didn't think that I would be.

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My best friend in the entire world is gay, like her. Having children is not something that is like cut and dry and that is not like simple and easy. It's not like we can be, like let's like try and do this at the same time. That's just not like we can't do that. And for a while she didn't even know if she wanted to have kids and they actually foster and like it's a whole different thing. And all my other friends are just they're in different phases, like I have a lot of my like Sydney friends are in different stages of life and that's so fucking cool and that's why I love having them as friends, like I don't need them to be in the same stages of life as me, but it is something that I always wanted and to be like oh my God, like it's happening and I have that chance. It doesn't even matter if it doesn't work out, but the fact that I'm like I have that chance, that it's not hopeless, isn't? It's just so beautiful to me. I'm really, I'm just really grateful and it's really helped me see just how lucky I am. Okay, let's keep it moving.

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C is for constellations. This is a little therapy update for everybody. Things have been getting fucking woo-woo in my therapy appointments, which I'm really fucking loving. I started doing this therapy called family constellations. If you don't know what family constellation therapy is, essentially, it is a method that helps clients draw out relationships between generations, so it can be utilized to help with unpicking and uncovering generational trauma. It's definitely like in the pseudo scientific realm, like it's definitely a little like woo-woo. However, I started doing it in therapy and it was actually fucking crazy, I think. As someone who is Claire Cognizant and already has worked with my like intuitive gifts in the past, I found this kind of therapy to be really telling. Specifically, what came through for me was connecting with and doing a little bit of research around my great great grandmother. It came through during the session that there's something that went down that wants to be uncovered and looked at between my great great grandmother and my great grandmother, and there was really just like this massive shift in happiness and trauma and anger and rage and just a whole bunch of stuff. So, without getting into the dirty details because I don't even really know what the dirty details are I'm just like sitting with this feeling and this truth and seeing what comes up.

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When I finished my session with my therapist and I went home, I did a little bit of journaling and so when I opened my journal I went to go and look at the previous journal entry. Now, normally I don't do this. I couldn't tell you the last time that I looked at a previous journal entry. It's just not something that I do. When I journal, it's brain dump energy. It's just there for me to get all this shit out. So, for whatever reason, I felt the course. I was like fine, I'm just going to have a look.

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And in my previous entry, which was like two or three weeks prior I hadn't journaled in ages I was talking about how I wanted to connect with my guides and my ancestors, that I just had felt this sort of like peak in curiosity and interest, intuitively, and I had totally forgot that I'd even written that. It's not something that I acted on, I just noted it down and then that was it. And to think that I went and had this session with my therapist about family constellations, which is very much connected to literally your ancestors, was just like really fucking wild to me and it just made me remember like, oh, there it is, that's the work. So what I've been doing a lot of lately is working with my ancestors, and when I say working with them I do this very chill JB witch vibes, right, like I'm not doing like fucking saging and chanting and all that sort of stuff, not to say that if you do that it's shitty, it's great if that works for you, that works for you. But I like to be a little bit more direct and just like uncomplicated with my communicating. I've done a lot of work with the universe and guides, but I've never really worked more specifically with ancestors. So I basically just use my journal now as a way to write to them.

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I obviously found that previous journal entry and then I went to write in my journal. I was like cool, hey, babe, I feel you guys. Hey, ancestors, we connected today. I want to know like how I know when it is that you're speaking to me. Let's have a relationship and let's start off with getting a really clear sign that you do want me to connect with you. I'm feeling a little bit like maybe I'm making this up when I'm getting into my head about it and I don't want to, because I think you do want to chat. But could you actually really let me know and just wrote to them and was like just give me a sign, tell me what's up, make it clear. So anyway, I finished journaling and I pick up my phone and I just scroll on Reels and I scroll three times. Now three is my lucky number. There was this post about this guy talking about generational trauma and specifically about, like grandma Now I know what you're thinking.

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Your phone was in your therapy session. That is the microphone sending us the things that it picks up. We know that's what our phones do. But here's the thing I was scrolling on my work phone, which was at home upstairs in my room, because on Mondays when I go to therapy, I don't look at my work phone until after I've gone to therapy. I'd leave my work phone at home. I plug it in because it's usually died over the weekend when I don't look at it and I don't look at it until I get home. So I was scrolling on my work phone, so that wasn't with me in my sessions. I don't talk about it at home, I hadn't talked about it with anyone, so I knew that was a sign.

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And ever since then and all through the month of February, I have felt this maternal, ancestral energy and I think that is why people have been saying to me you just you feel so calm, cool and collected coming up into your wedding. I truly don't believe that I would feel this cool, calm and collected, as I said, without that support that I'm getting from my ancestors. It's not this visceral, magical, mystical thing. It's very gentle and it's very soft and it's almost like I've just have this new sense of lightness and peace and self assurance and this knowing of my own capability. Ever since I opened up this door. It's just felt so beautiful. I feel so supported and I'm excited to see how they show up on the wedding day and over the wedding weekend and how they continue to support me as I move through the rest of this matriarchal journey that I'm going on. If you're interested in family constellations, definitely have a look into it. Come on, we'll shit over here, but have a look into it Highly recommend. It was very revealing for me and I'm just excited to see what my baddie ancestors have in store for me.

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A is for a hence to remember. I want to talk about what we actually did. I want to recap the whole day for you guys, and I think through recapping the day, it'll give you some ideas if you are sober, sally, like me as to how to have a fucking wild fun. Sober hands that doesn't make anybody else feel awkward. Everyone else gets to have a really good time, whether they're sober or not. I really truly feel like I hit the nail on the head. Everybody came back from the hands saying that it was the best hands that they've ever been to. Okay, and I'm sober.

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So the first thing that I did when I told my gals that I wanted to have a hands was tell them that I wanted it to be a three part day, that not everybody had to come to every single part, and I think this would be my number one tip, for anyone who is sober has a lot of maybe sober friends or lots of different friend groups. I knew I wanted to invite everybody that I feel really connected to, and some of those women are in their 60s and some of those women are in their 20s. I knew I needed to have a hands party that was going to be able to cater to the joy and the fun of all different kinds of people and specifically the women in my life that I love and I wanted to share this day with. So I did a three part day and made it very clear that not everybody had to come to every single one of those events. The other thing as well is I have friends that are in Sydney. I have friends that are on the central coast. I'm like it's all over the shop, right, like how was I going to bring all these different people together? And that's how I did it.

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I made the day not compulsory for everyone because guess what and Alexander Cooper said this so fucking perfectly If you're a bride, it's not all about you, like it is, but it's not babe. Like people don't actually fucking care that much. If you're hosting anything, as much as it's a day to celebrate you, you're hosting something, so you have to think about your guests. I feel the same way about my wedding, and maybe Dan and I will talk about this after we get married. You can't have a wedding where it's all about fucking you. Yeah, it's your day, cool, but like you can't make everyone do shots or be angry at people if people don't wanna do shots, because we're all fucking grown adults, stop telling people what to fucking do. I just didn't wanna do that. I was like I wanna do my favorite things. These are the things that are hard, yes, or hard, no. If you wanna come to one event, come to two, come to three, come to none Walls fair in love and war, love you so much. If you can make it, you can make it. If you can't, cool.

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I, though, knowing that's the way that I was gonna roll, also had to accept that if it ended up being like me, my two bridesmaids and my mom, then so be it. Like I was happy for it to be literally three people. Fortunately, my people showed up. We had throughout the whole day. I think the most amount of people we had at one event was like 19 or 18, which was insane to me. I was like, oh my God, this is amazing. I truly didn't think that I would have that many people show up for me.

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Two of my friends newly pregnant, and they had originally said that, yes, they would come to everything. And then one of the message me was like hey, is it okay if I just come to the first two things, because I'm getting really exhausted. I was like babes, the fact that you even come in a one and you're in the first trimester, you're fine, like literally it's all fine. It was just the best way to do things, especially someone who is the sober Sally friend. Like I don't wanna get on the fucking boat in the middle of the harbor all fucking day. I don't wanna be stuck.

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Give people an extra strategy. Give people a moment where they can go the fuck home. Don't do that to people. It's just not the vibe. Stop making it like so overtly about you that it's like annoying. Don't expect people to like be able to pay for all the things. That was the other thing too. Our wedding is a whole weekend that people are paying to come to. I felt bad to be like let's all go away for a weekend. No, that's insane, that's crazy. Like we have to be aware of everybody's financial situations and it just feels really out of touch for you to expect people to like care so fucking much and put themselves into debt for you and then, if they don't, then they're like a shit friend, like anyone who didn't show up to my hands, messaged me which I did not even expect, a message. I was very chill about that. I'm so realistic about how people perceive the situation. Don't have your expectations way too high. It's weird and you gotta stop. Okay, you gotta stop. All right, those are my tips. Let me tell you what happened.

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So we started off at Yumcha. Yumcha is my favorite food and of course, there's no Yumcha on the Central Coast where I live, because there's basically no Asian people here. So I was like we're going to Sydney bitches, and if people can't come to Sydney, love you. Sorry about that, but I wanna be in Sydney. So we go to Yumcha and it is fucking incredible. My maid of honor, hannah, shout out. She literally put on the best fucking day for me ever. So I rock up to Yumcha. We have two tables. Everything is pre-ordered with all of my favorite dumplings, all of my favorite Yumcha food. Like when you go to Yumcha, there's so many different things that you can get. This bitch got all my favorite things. We had Hargout, we had Shumai, we had duck, we had Chasiu and it was my favorite Yumcha place in Sydney as well. So we're all there.

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We had a table of, like my mom and all of her friends who like I'm close with anyway and they've watched me grow up. We had Dan's mom come, his auntie come, we had all of my coast friends. We also had my two best friends who are in my bridal party, another two of my really good friends that I grew up with Dan's sister. It was fucking amazing and everyone's like connecting and like we went around the table and everyone like introduced themselves and told each other like how they know me and what the connection is. It was so cute. And then I sit down and I see on the table that they've put all those sugary, sherbet-y they're kind of like vintage now like heart-shaped lollies and it's hug me, kiss me, fuck me, whatever. They had them all like on the table. It was so fucking cute.

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And then my bridesmaid which I don't like to call them bridesmaids, by the way, I call them brides babes, okay, so my brides babe, kate. I look down and I'm like what the fuck is this? And it's a piece of paper and it's like a little quiz, little quiz about me. But then she's edited it with these couples at the top and she's put Dan and I's head on them, like I can't, like I'm literally obsessed. I was not expecting any of this, like these little extra bits and pieces. I was like what the fuck? So then everybody has to like do the quiz. And I was like, and the questions were so great. It was like what school did I go to? What was my first job? What's the name of my podcast, what's my zodiac sign? It was just really fun. We're sitting, we're eating, we're chatting, we're connecting, we do the quiz, and then we all get in the cars and we go to a burlesque show.

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This burlesque show is called Blank to Blank in this beautiful little theater in Surrey Hills and it was honestly like the perfect thing from my hands. Cause I said to the girls I was like look, I'm not interested in having a stripper. I don't wanna be doing the stripper thing, absolutely not. But this was perfect cause it was like dancers, singers, actors. It was comedy. There was nudity in the show, but it was a lot of male nudity, which was quite nice, but it was like comedic. It was just perfect.

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It was the most incredible show. Like it's very interactive, it feels like you're a part of the whole thing. There's like a pillow fight. That happens like throughout the whole audience. So there's pillows going everywhere, glasses were fucking smashing everywhere. There was like a fucking tent thing that came up and over us. There was champagne being poured from a guy upside down, going around the whole fucking venue. Like it was insane. It was incredible and the talent was amazing. It was hot, it was sexy and, as somebody who is a queer girl, it was perfect. It wasn't just like magic mic, we weren't at showgirls, which is like a strip club. It was like a little bit of male nudity, a little bit of female nudity. It was just perfect for me.

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But it was also something that like wasn't too rude and too crass and like too much that it was awkward for like Dan's mom to be sitting three seats down from me. You know what I mean. Look, dan's mom's probably not the best example. She actually sent me the link to Blanc de Blanc and she was like, hey, this would be a really cool idea for the hands. Like months ago, like she actually saw it was like we should do this, so she was already into it and she's like the coolest lady. She's like literally spent her whole 20 years as like a nomad traipsing through Europe and she was like married to a Dutch guy for 10 years and lived in Amsterdam and like all of her friends were gay and you know what I mean. Even all the other older women, like all the moms and stuff of my friends that I'm really close with, that came like none of them are too pretty. You can't be friends with me or my mother if you're a prude. It was just the most perfect thing. And Hannah God bless her.

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Must it a bar table? Something I actually still don't know? I need to ask her about this but all the girls got free cocktails. I was like, okay, slay. And then after that we went to my favorite pub in Newtown, the Newtown hotel. The Newtown hotel little bit of trivia for you is where Dan and I went on our first date. So we went. Hannah had booked a table. There was also a drag show happening because it's Mardi Gras Pride season here in Sydney, so there was a drag show on and of course it's like elite drag queens. It was fucking mini Cooper. If you've watched Drag Race Australia down under, or whatever it's called, mini Cooper was like the host of the drag show at the pub. So it was amazing. So then we have this whole table to ourselves.

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Oh, the other thing I forgot to mention as well is my beautiful student to be sister-in-law. She got all of the like paraphernalia for me and after talking to Dan apparently, she called Dan and showed everything that she'd got me and she was like do you think that you'll like this? Is this too much? Is this, too, that so sweet? But she got me this whole bag full of the really cool hat that I posted that picture on my Instagram. She got me the penis straws. She got me oh my God, what else was in there? Oh my God, there was so much in there. I still have all the stuff that was in the bag. She got like the handcuffs if I wanted to put them on. She got sunglasses for me. That was the other thing that I really loved. I just told the girls no, sash, I'm not wearing a sash. So she got me this like really cool hat. I'm probably gonna wear it at the wedding. Like it was amazing. And then my actual favorite part of it all is she put it in a bag with an M on it. M is going to be my new last name initial because, yes, I'm changing my last name and I literally almost cried. I was like what the fuck? So now I'm like obsessed with this bag. It's so great.

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So we get to the pub, I bring out the penis straws. I'm like, okay, everyone have their penis straws, maybe like lesbian best friend has a penis straw and her fucking beer and she's like sipping her beer out of this penis straw. I was just like everybody just showed the fuck up and had such a good time and we ended up just like dancing and having a really good night. And then, the cherry on top, dan actually had his final suit fitting with all of his groomsmen in Sydney. He's got his suits from Oscar Hunt and they were there on the same day. And so they went and got a couple beers after the fitting and whatever. And they were still around. So I messaged him.

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I think one of the girls came up to me and they were like, hey, is it alright if we invite the boys, cause all lot of the coast girls, their partners, are in Dan's bridal party. I was like, yeah, 100%, tell them to come like on their way, cause they were all getting in the train back. So I was like that's perfect, they'll be with the boys, like on the train back to the coast like late at night. So anyway, they were messaging the boys and they were like no, that's fucked, like we can't interrupt the hands. I messaged them and I was like seriously, come, like it'll actually be so nice. Towards the end of the night, dan and all the boys came and they were literally half an hour. They stayed for one beer and it was just so nice to see Dan on my hands.

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I can't explain to you how much of a good day I had. Like I was saying to my mom on the way home I was like I cannot even comprehend how good I'm gonna feel on my wedding day. It's insane to me how loved and appreciated and seen that I feel today just by these 10 to 20 women that showed up throughout the day. Like how am I gonna feel when everyone comes for a whole weekend to celebrate us? And there's a hundred of them? I can totally see how people would be like your wedding day is the best day of your life. It's just because you just feel so much love and it's gotten me so fucking excited about the wedding.

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But to know that I was surrounded by all the women that I've gathered through my 30 years of living. Hannah has been my best friend since I was two years old. One of my friends, lily she couldn't make it, but like we only got close, like in August last year, and I was like, oh fuck, I wish Lily was here To someone I met just eight months ago, to think that I've actually gathered this many women in my life and I love that they're all from different generations and I would go out for lunch or for dinner or for coffee or have them over at my house individually, every single one of them, and as somebody who's struggled with friendships, if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you'll know like I struggled so hard with friendships. Dude like I'm not gonna get emotional again and I wrote about it in my post on Instagram so you can go and read that. But, dude, I was like fuck, yeah, it just fucking takes time and to think these friendships are only gonna get stronger. There's no one that I'm like I don't know if I'll talk to you in three years. Like every single person there, I'm like you're a lifer. I'm so fucking grateful. It was the best fucking day. Shout out to my people, to my babes, they fucking killed it.

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Okay, and last but not least, is personal brand. So this is something I've been thinking a lot about and something I really wanna put a lot more energy into. I said on Instagram like definitely between now and the wedding, I just don't wanna talk about anything else other than like me For a while. I have so many ideas of what I wanna do when it comes to personal branding. I'm a Leo mid-heaven guys like as much as I love, like helping and serving and like all these things.

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Part of me truly believes that I'm meant to be an influencer. There's just something about the idea of just sharing my life and sharing what I'm interested in and talking about those things and shitposting and being funny and having a space for my personal brand that has all of a sudden become incredibly vital and important for me. In order to be online and help and serve, there needs to be this balance for me between the products that I create that solve a problem for you guys and the desire to share myself and my story. I wanna vlog and I wanna write personal essays and I wanna share the books that I'm reading that have nothing to do with business, and I want to show you all the funny TikToks and memes. I wanna create funny TikToks and memes. I've had a lot of fun doing that and if you're following me on Instagram, you would have definitely seen that even before.

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I mentioned that the other day about just wanting to talk about me and not selling or anything at all. But knowing that I'll be really jumping back into that groove with the esoteric entrepreneurial brands and our products and our services after the wedding and really starting to curate them and morph them and shape them and perfect them into incredible services and products to really truly help and serve you, there's this personal brand piece that feels really important and I just love talking about me and it's not because I wanna talk about myself and I think I'm hot shit though I do think I'm hot shit, but it's. I know that there's a level of comfort that people can receive when they can see themselves in other people, when they can find like entertainment through witnessing other people's lives and their trials and their tribulations and their wins and their mistakes, and I know I've learned so much from the people that I've watched over the years and I love feeling like I'm a part of their life and we could say that's good or bad or weird or whatever, but I think that entertainer in me is what wants to come out and wants to be heard and wants to be seen in this more intentional way, not as a way just to have you connect with me so that you like no one trust me and you buy from me like that's just it's surface and it's bullshit. I really wanna be somebody that you can follow, where we feel like friends, and I also want more friends. I want that. I want that community. I want that place where I can chat with other esoteric entrepreneurs because the esoteric entrepreneur label is an umbrella term for someone who is creative and artistic and different and woo-woo and wants to fucking make their cool shit a reality. And I think through a personal brand I could really do that, along with creating like a healthy parasocial relationship. So it's something I'm thinking about, something I've been thinking about a lot. I've been talking about a lot with people in my industry, my peers and things like that and I wonder how you feel, how you're feeling. I feel like personal brain has become a little bit of a buzzword lately. I don't know if it's just cause I'm thinking about and I'm seeing it a bit more online, but I definitely feel like it's this like new niche that's emerging, which I'm not mad about. But yeah, I'm not like hopping on that train. It's something I truly feeling inside and intuitively. Yeah, follow my personal at Jasbori if you want all that.

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Okay, before we finish up, let's do some honorable mentions. The only honorable mention I have, guys, is my wedding, because the next time I talk to you I'm gonna be a fucking wife. Oh my God, I cannot. The next recap I'm gonna be fucking married. What the actual fuck. That is insane. So honorable mention to my wedding and my wedding planning skills. We have been going full fucking throttle. I've been just in the shop scarring around like a little fucking mouse, just eating away at all the little bits and pieces that I need to get from my wedding and I'm having the fucking blast doing it and I'm so fucking excited to be married. Get married and have this weekend and just be in it with that set. I love you. Have an incredible next couple of weeks. I'll see you on the other side when your gal is a wife to the fuck up or husband to the fuck up, when Dan is wife to the fuck up, and until then, this is the Esoteric Entrepreneur podcast. I'm your host. Jazz Borey refuse.