Ep 184. Praying Mantises - Faith Testimony

Mary Stone reviews the disadvantages and benefits of praying mantises in gardens, stressing the importance of native versus invasive non-native species. She focuses on the harmful invasive Chinese Mantis that prey on the native Carolina Mantis and hummingbirds.
 
Mary also shares a faith testimony given 14 years ago, sharing her spiritual journey, struggles, and the healing unconditional love she received from her dogs. She emphasizes self-care, forgiveness, and the interconnection of relationships. Mary closes, encouraging listeners to accept challenges as part of life's plan, leading to remarkable growth.

Thank you for tuning in!
 
Links to related Episodes and Blog Posts:

An Honorable Harvest – Blog Post

Ep 183. Honorable Harvest - Downsize and Do Over

Ep 48. Gardens Inspire Love - Lessons from Louise Hay

Love Gardening – Love Yourself – Blog Post

I'd love to hear your garden and nature stories and your thoughts about topics for future podcast episodes. You can email me at AskMaryStone@gmail.com.

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Thank you for sharing the Garden of Life,
Mary Stone, Columnist & Garden Designer
                                        AskMaryStone.com 

More about the Podcast and Column:

Welcome to Garden Dilemmas, Delights, and Discoveries.

It's not only about gardens; it's about nature's inspirations, about grasping the glories of the world around us, gathering what we learned from mother nature, and carrying these lessons into our garden of life. So, let's jump in in the spirit of learning from each other. We have lots to talk about.

Thanks for tuning in, Mary Stone
Garden Dilemmas? AskMaryStone.com
Direct Link to Podcast Page

Transcript

Ep 184 Praying Mantises - Faith Testimony
Sun, Dec 01, 2024 11:28AM • 25:46
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
praying mantis, beneficial insects, invasive species, Chinese Mantis, native species, garden pests, faith testimony, spiritual journey, addiction recovery, family dynamics, unconditional love, God incidents, emotional healing, personal growth, nature inspiration
SPEAKERS
Mary Stone

Mary Stone  00:00
Mary, Hello, fellow lovers of all things green. I'm Mary Stone, and welcome to garden dilemmas, delights and discoveries. It's not only about gardens. It's about nature's inspirations, about grasping the glories of the world around us, gathering what we learn from mother nature, and carrying these lessons into our garden of life. So let's jump in, the spirit of learning from each other, we have lots to talk about. 

Mary Stone  00:23
Hello there. It's Mary Stone and greetings from Virginia Beach. Can you hear the sounds of the waves? I am here for a few days before heading to my sister's home in Chesterfield, Virginia for Thanksgiving. I hope you had a joyous celebration of giving thanks. Let us give thanks every day. We rose to the glorious sunrise and Jolee lit up in happiness, chasing the birds and rolling in the sand. Her enthusiasm is contagious. I smile as I write, as we share a curious spirit. Two days before our travel, plentiful rains returned, then snow fell the following day, coating the grass and branches. I feel the relief of the plants, wildlife and folks whose wells went dry after more than two months without anything appreciable. Let us never take for granted the gifts of our dear Mother Earth. Today's topic is about praying mantis. Are they beneficial or bad? I look forward to sharing this story followed by another bit from my forthcoming book, the lesson of the leaf that relates to praying, you could say.

Mary Stone  01:35
So, I thought I'd take the conversation into the truck, because I think the sound of the ocean, and then the winds kicked in, may be a little tough for you to tune into for a long period of time. So anyway, I want to thank those who reached back after our last episode about the Honorable Harvest and the story of Downsizing and Do over.  So many words of encouragement. I laughed at how many of you have critters that didn't get the memo. Debbie of Costa Mesa, California, wrote: I love the idea of an honorable harvest, but how do you get rats and squirrels on board? They have eaten all my persimmons, tomatoes and now even the kale. And never thought once of sharing it with the people who planted it. I'll have to leave them a copy of the book. And of course, she's referring to Robin wall Kimmerer's Braiding Sweet Grass. It just made me laugh. But maybe the squirrels and rats are getting their portion from your garden and leaving everybody else's alone, Debbie. What do you think? 

Mary Stone  02:31
Regarding the downsize and do over part of the episode. My dearest Ken and fellow hospice volunteer encouraged me not to feel ashamed about the past. I never thought I felt shame, but it's there. A discovery that came as the words flowed onto the paper. Perhaps it's part of the healing and learning to let go of limiting beliefs. I hope my sharing helps you heal and grow in your life too. 

Mary Stone  02:58
Speaking of that, I'm reminded of Episode 48 Gardens Inspire Love and Lessons from Louise Hay, who's the founder of Hay House Publishing at the age of 60, by the way, she found the publishing house. I encourage you to tune into the episode if you haven't done so already. But it talks about essential steps of loving yourself. She shared steps like stopping self-criticism, forgiving yourself, letting the past go, being kind, and supporting yourself by asking for help. But the one that stood out to me was the analogy of gardening. Think of your mind as if it were a garden. The sun shines down on it, and you water it and give it nutrients and loving attention. At first, not much is happening, but don’t stop. Keep taking care of the garden. If you are patient, the garden will grow and blossom, the same with your mind. I just love that. So again, I invite you to tune into the whole episode. And I recently stumbled onto another Hay House talk she gave in 1997 where she said that partners and relationships in our lives mirror what we think of each other. Once we improve our relationships with ourselves, we attract those who treat us with the love and respect we all deserve, and in return, we do the same with others. So on to praying mantises, beneficial or bad? 

Mary Stone  04:23
Hello, fellow lovers of all things green. Lora asked how to determine if the praying mantis egg sacs in her yard are native or non-native. She's concerned as she raises monarch and Painted Lady Butterflies plus a few toads she wishes to protect. The comment came after I shared the story of a neighbor purchasing mail ordered praying mantises. Indeed, some mantises are beneficial and some are bad. 

Mary Stone  04:48
Upon returning the ladybug house to my kind neighbor who offered her ladybugs to tend to my aphid dilemma, Monica showed me the nests of praying mantises she ordered in a small aquarium type container sitting in her vegetable garden and look like toasted marshmallows. When you put them to your ear, you hear a crackling sound, I suspect, the sound of baby mantises growing inside babies. Monica texted a few weeks later with a photo of a cute, tiny praying mantis poised on her basil. Soon after the post Michael Martinez, an entomologist who studies insects, spiders, scorpions and other arthropods, wrote, you should destroy all Chinese Mantis egg cases. It's an invasive species that eats beneficial insects and pests like all mantids, but the Chinese Mantis is much larger than our native mantids, and prey on hummingbirds eating them alive. The Chinese Mantis is also causing the decline of our native ones, such as the much smaller Carolina Mantis, by preying on them. 

Mary Stone  05:49
I had no idea that Monica unknowingly purchased egg cases of the Chinese Mantis - an example of the importance of identifying species using scientific or botanical names, because common names are misleading. The Chinese Mantis egg sacs are cube shaped like marshmallows and straw colored. The native Carolina Mantis has a stretched out smoother surface with light and dark stripes. And as you would guess, you can see the images of those nests on the garden dilemmas post, and I will put a link in the show notes. Now that the leaves are down, it's easier to spot the non-native toasted marshmallow like sacks, so look for them, and you can use my dear old mom's technique of destroying pests by drowning them in a bucket of water, which sounds cruel, but at least they haven't hatched yet. It's remarkable how a newborn praying mantis looks like a miniature grown up, unlike most critters, but as I learn more about the fascinating creature, the queasiness over their behavior seems to overshadow the benefits they serve in the garden. Maybe you've heard how females often eat the heads of the males after mating, then they lay their egg sacs on twigs, fences, siding, or other structures before they die. In the fall, after the first froth, females lay about 300 eggs in the frothy liquid excrement that then solidifies. Only a fifth of the eggs will survive into adulthood. 

Mary Stone  07:13
If you purchase native mantas nests to hatch at home, it's best to buy them when it's warm enough to release them. Otherwise, they emerge famished and are known to eat one another if they can't find food quickly. While the native Carolina praying mantis is considered beneficial in controlling pests such as mosquitoes, flies, crickets, they also eat beneficial bugs. So, it's best to identify your target pests before considering them as a biological control populations of the native praying mantises are lessening due to the introduced species, such as the invasive Chinese Mantis native to Asia, which are sold as pets. They say, a nursery person near Philadelphia mistakenly introduced them here in 1896. They're over four inches long, versus the native species, which only grows two to two and a half inches.

Mary Stone  08:03
 It's hard to imagine that sources still sell non-native praying mantis as biological controls. So be sure to shop for praying mantis native to your area using the scientific name, or perhaps better yet, let Mother Nature decide if they should be in your garden. Garden Dilemmas?  AskMaryStone.com.

Mary Stone  08:24
As you expect, the common name is praying mantis because they hold their front legs in a praying position when they are still, and they hold a sense of reverence in some cultures. The Greek word Mantis means prophet or sear. Others call them preying mantis spelled with an E because of their stealth predatory habits. It's a rumor, by the way, that killing a praying mantis is illegal. They are not endangered at all, so let's keep it that way by not adopting non-native species, taking down the native population. So, things are getting a little loud in the truck here, with the aircraft flying above, doing their mission work, protecting our peace. So I'm going to take a little bit of a break, but I'll be right back with a hot cup of tea. I invite you to do the same.

Mary Stone  09:15
So, I'm back in the truck, and I look forward to sharing a faith testimony that I shared at Walnut Valley Methodist Church in Blairstown, New Jersey, soon after helping Miss Sara go home, which rolled right into the separation that ended in divorce, despite the hope that a trial separation would result in a recovery and reconciliation, but that wasn't to be. I gave this talk soon after a friendship with Curt, a dog person whose dog had similar knee surgeries that Sara endured turned into a budding relationship about when Miss Ellie Mae unexpectedly stumbled into my life. And so if I may share bits of the faith testimony here. 

Mary Stone  09:54
Good morning, church family, when Marcia asked me to share my faith testimony, I said I was not ready. Not healed enough from the isolation and neglect of addiction. But since the day that she asked, which happened to be Father's Day, which was significant to me, my anxiousness about sharing turned out to be another jump forward in the journey of healing and recovery. I pray for the strength to deliver my testimony purposefully and gracefully, and that it make a small difference to someone who hears.

Mary Stone  10:25
 How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed. I recall my hour, which was while watching a Good Friday outdoor service, a reenactment of the crucifixion. I was about 11 or so and attended the event as a tag along with my piano teacher and mother of my friend Dot. It moved me in a way that is hard to describe. I had never heard the crucifixion story before, other than peripherally and superficially. The main message was love and how Jesus loved unconditionally, even those who betrayed him. After that day, I felt a strong spiritual connection, and prayer before sleep became a regular part of my private life. I am so grateful for Mrs. Jackson's invitation. Mom J, I fondly call her. She referred to me as her third daughter. But I was lost in my understanding of religion or where I belonged in it, but I have a few memories of attending church. 

Mary Stone  11:24
Memory one, I can see myself still sitting in a green dress on the Sunday school classroom floor of a Methodist Church in Baldwinsville, New York. I was about four, and I was very uncomfortable. I didn't know the other kids and what I was supposed to do, but mostly I was uncomfortable because I had to go to the bathroom but was too afraid to ask. I held it until I couldn't anymore, and I wet myself. Talk about letting go and letting God.

Mary Stone  11:52
 Memory two, Easter Sunday, having to wear my sister's hand-me-down white dress with pink tulip trim. It was too short to hide my cut-up knees from doing something the night before that I wasn't supposed to be doing. I greeted mom, hunched over to hide my boo boos. I got in trouble more for not telling of my injuries, as the scabs were full of rubble from the fall. I remember heading off to church feeling pretty bad about not coming clean and hating the dress. 

Mary Stone  12:20
Memory three, I recall my dad's mother's funeral. I was seven, the first time I saw my dad cry. There are many memories of a thank you prayer for the food before a holiday meal, followed by a video shoot until the food was cold, which ritualistically went on year after year. Dear old dad, I love that memory of you, which annoyed the heck out of me. Then this brings me to dad's family. He was from West Virginia, an only child of an irritable mother, a kinder way of saying not so nice, and was a Southern Baptist. Southern was always stressed when mom described dad's religious background. Not sure what she meant by Southern Baptist, but the connotation was that it wasn't a good thing. Dad never talked about his youth. He never knew his dad, who left before he was two. Grandma Stone went through life as a widow, when, in fact, she was a divorce' a fact hidden from my mother until not so nice, intruded on the family's dynamics. My grandmother's ex-husband was murdered by a jealous husband who accused his wife of having an affair. 

Mary Stone  13:27
Mom was child number three. Her mother died giving birth to her. In farmer tradition, Aunt Bessie moved in to help with the cows and raise the kids. Mom tells the tale told to her how her brother, Frank, about 12 at the time, ran down the street yelling, they killed my mother. They killed my mother. Her younger brother died of meningitis at seven, just a few years before my mother was born, Uncle Frank ended up taking his own life at 60, so many losses he endured. I have such fond memories of Uncle Frank, including coaching me behind the trigger on how to remove a groundhog in the vegetable garden in one shot. The scene of the critter jumping up and falling to his demise remains. Uncle Frank was proud. I felt awful. A have-a-heart method is far more humane.  Then grandpa Schafer, my mom's dad, who lived with Uncle Frank moved in with us. I have happy memories of his hand digging a garden and sitting vigil watching the vegetables grow. My sunflowers embraced him from above. I'd rather feed you than cloth you, he used to say, as I was an easy keeper compared to the others, a farmer, a term for not eating much. Once, I could no longer eat red meat due to lacking an amino acid to digest it, I was no longer an easy keeper. Turns out, fish cost way more than beef, especially from a dairy farmer's point of view.

Mary Stone  14:51
I am number four of five children, three intended and two mistakes, Mom used to joke. Thank God for mistakes. Growing up, we moved a few times. Once we moved twice during a school year, which was hard, but there were many siblings to play with, yet one of my most significant childhood memories is painful loneliness. It's easy to understand why parents who did not have role models of a mother or father weren't the best at attending to the emotional needs of five kids, all within a year or two of each other. They both worked to make ends meet. And dad, an engineer, would retire to the ham shack, ham radio that is, every evening after dinner. And mom would fall asleep, exhausted from her day of physical work at the garden center. As a pre-teen, I stepped up and took over the cleaning and cooking to help out. I felt so bad for my mom. So, you see, my loneliness did not have to do with the lack of company, but the empty love tank or lost childhood, a therapist, years later, described.  Mary's pain body. Do any of you have one of those? I think it's a human condition by and large. The goal is not to identify with your pain body. Know it's there, be a witness or watcher, but not a participant. That way can no longer replenish itself through you. Easier said than done. 

Mary Stone  16:10
I began my adult life choosing relationships with men that fed my pain body attaching myself to those who, for varying reasons, were unavailable to me. I figured that out, I hate to admit, in my early 30s. So, you could say I was an easy keeper and a slow study. I thought when I got involved with my now ex-husband that I had broken the cycle. After all, he treated me as a priority and went out of his way. The biggest time when he found the church we were married in the Rockaway Valley, United Methodist Church in Boonton Township, New Jersey. Pastor Walter Clark had a significant role in my spiritual life and our married life beyond her wedding day. Walter retired a bit over a year after we married. At about the same time my being a priority to my husband's life ended. Sadly, Walter passed away a few years after that. We moved to Blairstown due to a falling out with a business partner, which caused a financial do over. How I dealt with the loneliness while married, was to live a separate life, finding joy and happiness in my work and friends who were available to me, I'm so blessed for that. I was the most single, married friend that anyone knew at social events, because I came solo, without my spouse. Then came that fated January 1 hike at Blue Mountain Lake where we met our pastor, Marcia and Ed. Marcia photographed Sara in her hunting vest opening the engaging talk that inspired us to attend here. A god incidence. The rest is history. The relationships and influences of this church gave me hope that God may help turn things around in our marriage, I prayed for that. I felt hope, a place of belonging, and love.

Mary Stone  17:54
More God incidences  - a term I first heard from the pastor who led the hospice clergy in Florida. I met her when we were preparing for my dad's memorial service. It was the first Christmas trip to Florida after dad passed that I stumbled into a church where she happened to be preaching as a last-minute fill in for a resident pastor who came down with the flu. Her message was about God incidents-  events, challenges and people in our lives are not coincidences, but God working in our lives. It was just what I needed to hear. A month and a half after my separation, the anniversary of my dad's passing, and five months after my beloved Sara passed away. I was married to my dog, as some of you know. I think her unconditional love, a reflection of God's unconditional love, kept me together.

Mary Stone  18:46
 Why did I stay in the marriage for so long? I took my commitment seriously and had to ensure I did all I could. I am resolved knowing that I did. Addiction is evolutionary, and people with addiction are masterful at keeping their partners in by making changes when there is a breaking point. Plus living in isolation and loneliness was familiar to me, my comfort zone. It fed my pain body. Yep, I did it again.

Mary Stone  19:14
My quest is to learn what I needed to learn and take ownership of my part in the merry go round in the marriage - the title of my favorite Al Anon brochure, Merry go round. And to heal and grow. Losing my in-law family was especially sad. Having no other family nearby, but God has provided me and has given me Curt and his wonderful family. Amazing Grace. 

Mary Stone  19:39
As I prepared my talk. I didn't know how to come to a close. Then I came across a letter I wrote last year to my dog Sara. August 12, 2010 dear Missy, Sara, I hesitate to sit down and write what has been on my mind all day. This note to you two years after your passing, I fear it will churn up tears that I still cry for you, but here goes. My heart was very heavy on Monday, remembering the Monday I learned of your terminal condition and how you comforted me when I sobbed in grief. You comforted me all the time through the sadness and loneliness with your dad, who also loved you. I remember how we were on the porch for the final night, and how you were suffering, panting from the pain and not from the heat. It was cool for an August night. It made me feel so helpless. Your dad was out in the barn as always. Maybe I should have given you the pills the veterinarian prescribed, I think now, I didn't think of it then, but it might have been better for you. You were such a brave girl, and I'm so proud of how you handled your surgeries and illness, my dear companion who kept me feeling loved all those years.

Mary Stone  20:52
As I'm writing, Miss Ellie is very needy- coming to me for pets all afternoon. I wonder sometimes if you sent her to me this yellow dog I didn't invite into my life, but neither were you and Sadie, when I think about it. You are a spur of the moment let's check out the pups on the general store flyer, and we left with the two of you. What a gift you both have been and will be forever. My mind drifts to remembering when we were settling in together, your dad and I argued about your care. He thought we should get rid of you. And I recall feeling it's not the pups I think we should get rid of, thinking inside it was him that should go. That was so long ago. He is finally gone for my life. I miss the man I loved, but I don't miss the man he became or how badly he treated me - neglect, condescension and disregard. How could I have tolerated that for so long? Because I had you and others that loved me and because I had hope for recovery.  Well, I have new loves in my life. I call Curt the Papa. Ellie's Papa, what a gift to have a new family. 

Mary Stone  22:00
When Ellie arrived, I felt detached and was frustrated by her dogginess. You were a person after all. Ellie had big anxiety from her neglect. Our common thread, as I learned from your vet who checked Ellie out, neglect is abuse, my wake-up call to what I had lived through. It didn't take long for me to love Ellie and Curt helped me train her to be quite a wonderful dog, except for her fear aggression, which drives me crazy. Can you speak to her about that?  You had a fear of other dogs too, remember? I used to think it was because of Niko stepping on you the day we picked you up. A few months later, when you saw him again, you ran in fear with a shit literally scared out of you. The impressions those early days leave. You used to embarrass me by growling at oncoming dogs, but when they came closer, you rolled over. Ellie stalks them, then attacks. So, by comparison, you are far less embarrassing and less dangerous. 

Mary Stone  22:58
Well, I didn't cry writing you. It was joyful in a peaceful way. I love you. I love your little mate, Sadie, too, though our time with her was short lived. My couple of pups. Thank you for being in my life. You are always in my heart, and I look forward to being with you again someday, but not too soon. If you don't mind, I want to enjoy my new family. Maybe I got it right with my human partner this time. I had it right with you from the start. Not bad for a girl once afraid of dogs. I love you dearly, the mama. 

Mary Stone  23:34
So thank you kind listeners for allowing me to share and sitting in my truck with all the noises that I hope weren't too intrusive. As I revisited the testimony, I found peace, how life makes sense when you look back at your journey. There are hard times and things we worry about and struggle with. Sometimes things fall apart. Then you think about the wisdom that comes from it, you see where you are today, and it's evident. It's all part of the plan. I hope my sharing leaves you reflecting on your life, and you find comfort in knowing that through the challenging times, after every storm, the sun will shine again. 

Mary Stone  24:12
So fast forward, I am no longer a member of the church. Discord occurred there, although I visit from time to time. A new pastor helped turn things around, but my church became a weekly visit to the Karen and Quinlan Home for Hospice. And how that came about is part of a remarkable gain after a heartbreaking loss we'll share another day.  Aside note - Sometimes I dictate notes to share with you while walking Jolee and when I do The Lesson of the Leaf often types as the lesson of belief. I'm beginning to realize it's the same thing. So thank you again for visiting with me and listening to the story. And again, I hope it inspires you to visit your life and realize it's all part of the plan, the ups and downs, the journey, the bumps and bruises. Stretch marks, I like to call them, are part of our growth. Thank you again. kind listeners. Your weekly visits with me mean so much. Meanwhile, have a great day. See you next time on the screen porch back in New Jersey.

Mary Stone  25:15
 You can follow Garden Dilemmas on Facebook or online at GardenDilemmas.com and on Instagram at hashtag.Mary Elaine Stone.  Garden Dilemmas, Delights and Discoveries is produced by Alex Bartling. Thanks for coming by. I look forward to chatting again from my screen porch, and always remember to embrace the unexpected in this garden of life. Have a great day.