The Miracles of Adoption

There are hundreds of thousands of children awaiting adoption around the world. In the United States alone, according to the Adopt America Network, there are 130,000 children in the U.S. foster care system waiting to be adopted. Children are awaiting adoption for many reasons.Children with medical issues can be more difficult to place with adoptive families. While adopting a child with special medical needs can be frightening, it can also be the answer to prayer. Adoptive parents have a chance to make a miracle happen, but one of the most amazing things to witness is how much joy the adopted child can bring to a special family.Today's show will feature an adoptive mother who, along with her supportive husband, decided to adopt a child with a congenital heart defect. Tune in to hear about the miracles that have happened since Becky and Joe adopted little Tess. You'll also learn about what adoptive parents need to be aware of once they've made the decision to adopt a child with special medical needs.

Thanks to our newest HUG Patron, Ayrton Beatty and long-standing Patrons: Laura Redfern, Pam Davis, Michael Liben, Nancy Jensen, Alicia Lynch, Deena Barber, Carlee McGuire, Carter & Faye Mayberry, and Frank Jaworski. We appreciate you!

Transcript

spk_0:   0:03
Welcome

spk_1:   0:06
to Heart to Heart with Anna, featuring your host Anna Dworsky. Our program is a program designed to empower the CH to York and genital heart defect community. Our program may also help families who have Children who are chronically ill by bringing information and encouragement to you in order to become an advocate for your community. Now here is an edge or ski

spk_2:   0:34
welcome to the fifties. It apart. Heart with Xander are famous than his miracles do happen. We have a great story today. There are hundreds of thousands of Children awaiting adoption around the world

spk_3:   0:44
in the United States alone. According to the Adopt American Network, there are 130,000 Children in the United States Foster care system waiting to be adopted. Children are awaiting adoption for many reasons. Children with medical issues can be more difficult to place with adoptive families. While adopting a child with special medical needs can be frightening, it can also be the answer to prayer. Adoptive parents have a chance to make a miracle happen, but one of the most amazing things to witnesses so much joy the adopted child can bring to a special family. Today's show will feature an adoptive mother who, along with your supportive husband, decided to adopt a child with a congenital heart defect. Miracles have been witnessed more than once since Becky and Joe adopted little Test Our show today. The miracles of adopting a child with a heart defect will feature Heart Mom Becky, Qatar CAS Biggie Qatar kisses the mom of 10 Children, all through adoption ranging in age from 13 years to two years. She is a pediatric masters, prepared nurse and small business owner. Becky never set out to be a mom of a size X l family. She and her high school sweetheart husband, Joe, both feel so incredibly lucky to have the privilege of raising their Children. Both volunteer within the adoption community. Helping perspective adoptive parents understand the beautiful Brokenness of adoption. Their hope is to better prepare parents for what they didn't know. If they travel this long and winding road over the last decade, it is also their hope to shine a spotlight on the amazing Children who still wait to find their family. Welcome to heart to heart with Anna Becky.

spk_4:   2:15
Thank you so much for inviting me. Well, I've

spk_3:   2:18
had to show where we talk to its women born with a heart defect who became mothers through adoption. But we haven't talked about the opportunity. People have to adopt a child with a congenital heart defect well made. You decide to adopt a child with special needs.

spk_4:   2:33
I don't think that we ever set out specifically when we were waiting to adopt Thio, saying, Oh, we're going to go into this looking for, ah particular child a particular need, a particular any particular gender. We just always looked at the child first, which is different than some of the roads people travel, but specifically with past. She was on that was great on, and she happened to have a congenital heart defect. And at the time we didn't know anything about specific heart defect or how it would change our lives or what it meant for her. We just knew we saw her and we wanted her to be part of our family. And so her heart defect didn't define her in any way. We just felt so privileged to be allowed the opportunity to be her mom and dad, that we would tackle that as it came. It didn't make a difference

spk_3:   3:29
that is special. I love that, and I love it when people say they don't let the heart defect to find the child that the child defines the child. So tell us How you found

spk_4:   3:40
was considered because of her congenital heart defect, what is referred to in the adoption community as awaiting child, meaning that he wasn't map specifically with the family when her file became available for adoption when it was prepared and test specifically is from China. So China maintains a wait list of Children, mostly with special needs. Some of them have the special need of just being older at the time of referral. On that, their need and some families pre match with Children, meaning they say, Well, this is the need that I specifically feel. I have the resources to parents, and when that file becomes available, an adoption agency then matches the child and family in test case as awaiting child, she didn't have a match right away. Her needs were considered more severe because her congenital heart defect was so significant. So it was just a little two by two inch picture in a file on awaiting child list on the adoption agencies password protected site. And I was researching China adoption because she's our first child from China. And I found this trainee little picture of tests with the tiny little description of what? Her heart defect, Woz. And it was over for us from there. We just we left her at the second we saw that picture. That tiny little picture We just a girl.

spk_3:   5:07
Do you have a copy of that picture? Oh,

spk_4:   5:09
my gosh, always. In fact, it's still hangs near my dresser. That tiny little referral picture has a reminder of how far we've come and how far we went to bring her

spk_3:   5:20
home. Oh, so what disappearance? Considering adopting a special needs child need to take into consideration, especially if they have a child that's awaiting child. I'm sure they have special considerations.

spk_4:   5:32
Yeah, yes, the so many things to think about, and I think I could go on and on forever about what you should consider before you take this leap with any child with a medical need. I always tell families you'll want to look at the resource, is in your community first and reach out and talk to the medical providers in your community. One thing we learned was we're gonna have to travel a little bit of a distance to get the heart care that she needs. We just didn't have that heart center in our homes city. So we have to go about 90 minutes to get to the heart center. Not terrible. Some people travel much, much further than that for care. But it's something that kind of surprised us when we adopted her only goodness we hadn't really done the legwork to say What are medical resource is in this community, where we going to get her care. So I always tell families, Make sure you reach out to the physicians who are going to be caring for your child with their special need with their medical needs with their developmental need. And you know where you're gonna go. Who's gonna help you out those kind of things. Then there's always the emotional need that comes just with being adopted. Dio, you've likely lived for a while with cyber family without your birth family. The transition for these kids just is so much so just like you've looked at the medical side of things, I was tell families. Make sure you've got that really good village of support in in terms of emotional needs to those therapist social workers. Both 23 The school district helping you with therapies. You'll need all that. You'll need that support system.

spk_3:   7:08
Yeah, that's excellent. That's such excellent advice, and not necessarily something that you would think about, especially if you're adopting a baby. And yet we know that baby to have congenital heart defects who have other special needs may qualify for an early childhood programs. Who is important to know what resources you do have available? Absolutely. What other kind of emotional resource is do Children need? Deimos. Children like this needs some kind of counseling.

spk_4:   7:36
It depends on the individual child. Every kid is going to respond to their beginnings in a different way. So we always look at our child as an individual and try to take it kind of one day, one step at a time, and we never preclude. Okay, because they're doing great right now. They'll never need that in the future. Every child who is adopted grappled with it differently at different points in their life. But while it might not be an issue during the beginnings, even if you were adopted as a baby. Maybe when the teen years come, it is something that you have to draw on. Some of those emotional resource is that we mentioned toe help with for a little while, and then there's no shame in it. No family has to feel like Oh my gosh, I failed because they need this. Every kid is different, so I'm pretty open about how much we reach out and how many resources we utilized for our kids at different points in their girlfriend development.

spk_3:   8:35
When I was doing some research about adoption, I was interested to see how many of the different adoption agencies that are listed on the Internet talk about open adoption, adoption, where the adoptive family can still keep in touch with the birth family and send photos or updates and how there are some that are closed with contracts without contracts. I have no idea how complicated it could be, although I've had a couple of friends who were adopted and just like you said, they told me that in their early formative years, their mom was their adoptive mom because they were adopted early and that it wasn't until they became a teenager and beyond, especially when I started to have their own Children that they really wanted to know more about their birth mother. And that was when they felt the need to reach out. So I think your idea to assess him pretty much on that ongoing basis into Steve, and I guess probably, when they start asking questions when they start wanting that information, those are the signals to you into Joe. That maybe we need to reach out to some of those resource is is

spk_4:   9:38
that way. Yeah, it's just something they're being adopted that again does not define them. That's not all of who they are, but it's something that has always been discussed with them. Nothing is ever a surprise in our house when it comes to adoption, because it's always been part of their story. So there's no great reveal about, Oh wow, we're gonna sit down and talk to you about how you're adopted. It's always just part of who they are. So even when we're reading storybooks, Obama's kids adopted Children are in the storybook. We make sure that they have connections with other kids who came from their birth country are adopted like they are living adoptive families. It's just such a normal thing for them that there isn't really a whole lot of hesitation and discussing it. And we do have. We're firm believers in maintaining as much of a family can and wants to have contact with our Children. Their relationship, as long as it's great for both our kids and the family, is totally open. We maintain ongoing communication. We're all a part of each other's lives, and I think that's really important and different from how it was when kids my age in their thirties even were were growing up.

spk_3:   10:58
Oh yeah, it seemed like it used to be a big secret until all of us headed at a certain age, the parents would tell the Children. But you know, the funny thing is, I think most teenagers go through a point where they wonder if they're adopted. Even if they looked like one of the purest way that period where I wondered if I was adopted. I think it's funny. I think the teenagers go through this identity crisis where they're trying to figure out who they are, where they belong in the world and your kids know right off the bat they were chosen and in a way that makes him special.

spk_4:   11:29
Yeah, and that they had someone who loved them in the very beginning and said, You know, I can't do this right now but I want to find the best spot for you. We talk about that all the time. Your birth parent made this amazing, heroic, selfless decision to help you find the place when they thought you would be that cared for and loved. And that there a ton of respect, my Children's birth mom's are such an important ongoing part of my kid's life, and any of them who we have information for who want to be involved in my Children's lives absolutely are welcome. Because of that. I

spk_3:   12:11
love that That is special, because what that does is that makes everything inclusive, and that takes away any shame that a birth mother would have in giving up her child. Instead, you're honoring them, and it's a perfect place for us to take a quick commercial break. I love ended on a positive note, but don't leave yet because when we come back we're going to talk about how you doing now and what challenges she is based. Considering her heart defect and some of the miracles that she witnessed along the way,

spk_1:   12:38
Dworsky has written several books to empower the congenital Heart Defect or C H D community. These books can be found at amazon dot com or at our website, www dot baby hearts press dot com. Her best seller is The Heart of a Mother, an anthology of stories written by women for women in the CHD community and as other books, My Brother Needs an Operation, The Heart of a Father and Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. A Handbook for Parents will help you understand that you are not alone. Visit baby hearts press dot com to find out more.

spk_2:   13:13
Come back to our

spk_3:   13:14
show heart to heart with Anna that chauffeur, the congenital heart defect community. Today our topic is the miracles of adopting a child with a heart defect, and today's guest is Becky Qatargas. We just finished talking with Becky about the miracle finding test from a two by two inch photo. But I just love that story and why Beck and Joe have chosen to adopt a special needs child. But let's learn a little bit more about Bucky. Let's talk a little bit more about Tess's heart defects. And can you tell us what surgery she's had and what she's going through as far as her heart defects? Yeah, yeah,

spk_4:   13:49
test is pretty amazing. So her technical diagnoses are a single ventricle defect. The T G, a transposition of the greater arteries and then subsequently because test was living in an orphanage in China for the 1st 22 months of her life. She has a diagnosis of pulmonary hypertension from not having ah correction surgery as early as most kid do who have these specific defects. So she had to open heart surgeries since she's been with us and she's been with us for almost three years now. She had the first surgery on her second birthday. She had the arterial switch, and then she had pulmonary bands place. And just last month, she had a bi ventricular repair to address her single ventricle.

spk_3:   14:39
Oh, wow! She's surviving Curricular repair.

spk_4:   14:42
She did, She did? Yes.

spk_3:   14:44
Now she has four chambers instead of just two.

spk_4:   14:48
She does. She does. It was amazing. Miracle. Wow, That is the miracle that

spk_3:   14:55
does not happen with everybody, folks. A lot of Children who start out single ventricle, end up like my son and have a tube chamber heart instead of a four chamber heart, and that puts a lot more stress on the heart. So if you can convert that heart to a four chamber heart, theoretically, it's much better for the child support. So wow, congratulations to test. That's definitely a miracle. You finding her from a two inch by two inch photo? That's a miracle. Wow, you have experienced the number of miracles with test, didn't you?

spk_4:   15:24
Yes, her surviving the 1st 22 months of life with no intervention at all. None. She had no real access to medical care. Her making it home all that way on the plane ride, making it here. Her lungs needed to heal and remodel with the pulmonary hypertension. Diagnosis is not a given that you're gonna be able to do any sort of repair, and you're not transplant eligible until the lungs are addressed. So we had to cross our fingers Hope, pray that we'd be able to remodel her lungs. It was amazing miracle that that occurred and then find out we traveled Boston and then back to Milwaukee, where she was finally received her surgery to find out she is a candidate for a bi ventricular repair. Also a miracle.

spk_3:   16:13
How? Yes. Oh, my gosh. What a whirlwind experience for you. A job to find this little girl. Fall in love with her, discovered that she has really a major heart effect. This is not something minor. It is a miracle that she survived 22 months. I'm thinking she probably had Did she not have a VSD or an ASD or some kind of holds in her heart, allowing the blood to circulate without her being too blue?

spk_4:   16:40
Yeah. Did she also had that kind of backwards anatomy? It was allowing a certain amount of mixing. Yeah. All

spk_3:   16:48
right, all right. So, just like with my son, some of her heart defects actually compensated for each other and allowed her to live long enough for you and Joe to find her and bring her to the States where she could have the surgery that she so desperately needed in order to survive. And now she has a fortune. The heart. Oh, my gosh of your tears. This is This is so amazing.

spk_4:   17:11
It's amazing what can be done if these Children who are waiting can get to medical care. It's amazing.

spk_3:   17:18
So she had two major operations with the material switch and by ventricular repair. And then you said the pulmonary surgery that she had. I'm sorry that an additional surgery or was banned. And while she had one of the other surgeries,

spk_4:   17:33
Yes. So when we did the arterial switch procedure on her second birthday, just eight weeks after joining our family, they put bands around her pulmonary arteries, help restrict the blood flow. And then we have medications here in the United States. Now that can help remodel some of the lung tissue. So for a year, year and 1/2 we waited, watched, prayed that her lungs would heal enough to allow us to move to the next stage of surgery. And they did, which was amazing.

spk_3:   18:05
Wow. Yes, I think the medication is a real miracle. I know so many friends who have had Children who have pulmonary problems, and 20 years ago, when Alex was born, there wasn't much that could be done even back then, and they did do the pulmonary banding, and they did as much as they could surgically. But to know now that drugs are non invasive, that's a much simpler way to try and solve a problem. And you confined to nets as the child get older and as a child needs change where you don't wanna have to keep opening up that chest and have the potential for infection and all the other kind of complications that you can have with an open heart surgery. So, wow, this is just it becomes more and more amazing. So, tell me, are there any other miracles that you feel You and Joe have witnesses and you have had tests become part of your family?

spk_4:   18:57
When she first joined our family because she had been uncorrected for so long, her development was so delayed she couldn't swallow very well. She couldn't sit up steadily. She couldn't walk. She said One word we thought to ourselves, Oh my gosh, we have this child that is so delayed we may in this instance, be parenting this child for the rest of our lives. We were ready for that. And today, at the age of almost 4.5 tested walking, talking, running, playing totally developmentally on Target. 4.5 year old to me that the miracle of all of this miracle, yes, is that she, with the proper medical care, has been able to grow thrive. And this is the story for so many kids who are waiting, waiting, waiting and then get access to care to give them the medical. Yeah,

spk_3:   19:53
but to be fair, it's not just a medical care. The medical care helped her heart a lot, but you have clearly put her in a loving, supportive environment. I imagine she has books and sibling to read to her and challenge her and our good role models for her and play with her Children learned so much through play. And she has known siblings all day long way

spk_4:   20:20
always laugh and say that her best physical, occupational and speech therapist live right in our house, right? With absolutely, absolutely. Actually, they're not talking, hearing

spk_3:   20:35
right, right? One of the problems that you worry about is the siblings talking for the child or they being the child too much. But with nine of them, there's too much competition. She has to learn to speak up for herself into do things all. She's gonna miss out.

spk_4:   20:51
Absolutely, absolutely. She's one of many in She sees them and wants to make sure she can keep up with the plate to I want to be able to go down the stairs. I want to be able to reach you this. I want to be able to peddle my bicycle like they are when they're out in the yard. So they're huge motivator for her for sure,

spk_3:   21:10
all right. But the fact that in 2.5 years she has gone from being extremely delayed partly due to her heart defect, I'm sure with the severity of her heart defect, she wasn't able to move and to do the things that babies need to do in order to develop normally and for her to completely catch up in 2.5 years. I agree with you. That is definitely a miracle. And what a beautiful story. But we have to take another quick commercial break. But don't leave yet because when we come back in our last segment, Becky will tell us what she feels all adoptive parents should know and where they can get more information about adoption.

spk_1:   21:48
Hannah Dworsky has spoken around the world at congenital heart defect events, and she is available as a key note or guest speaker for your event. Go to heart to heart with anna dot com to learn more about booking Anna for your event. You can also find out more about the radio program. Keep up to date with CHD Resource is that information about advocacy groups as well as read Ana's Weakly plug. Anna wants you to stay well connected and participate in the CHD community. Visit Heart to Heart with anna dot com today.

spk_3:   22:21
Welcome back to our show Heart to Heart with Anna Chauffeur, the congenital heart defect community. Today our topic is the miracles of adopting a child with a heart defect. And today's guest is Becky Could Target. And we just finished talking with Becky about heart defects and the miracles that she has been witness to and she has been partly responsible for. It really does leave me flabbergasted. We I only have a couple minutes left,

spk_4:   22:45
but I would

spk_3:   22:45
love for Becky to tell us a little bit more about the adoption process. Becky, I loved how in your bio you mentioned that you and Joe volunteer within the adoption community, helping perspective adoptive parents understand the beautiful Brokenness of adoption. So can you tell us a little bit more about that?

spk_4:   23:03
Yeah, yeah, when we talked to adoptive parent perspective adoptive parents, because where this large, conspicuous family. So it comes up pretty often. That's the way we describe it as a beautiful broken. While amazing for Joe and I, my husband, this gift is amazing. Every day with our kids is just a miracle in and of itself. There is a certain amount of Brokenness for them. There was trauma in their beginnings, and then they lost a lot for my kids who are adopted internationally. They lost their language and culture that they began with and for all my kids. They lost some connection to their biological family. So I think we as adoptive parents talk about that a lot about the law that comes with adoption.

spk_3:   23:50
You don't really think about that, but it is a loss, and I'm sure there is a certain amount of grief, even if the Children don't really have the mental faculty Thio articulated. I'm sure there is that loss and as they get older. Maybe they feel or experience that lost a little bit more when they see Children. So she for these international Children that you're talking about when they see Children who look like them, who maybe have something that they don't have because they aren't part of that culture?

spk_4:   24:17
Absolutely, absolutely. And so we talked a lot about what our kids have lived through. An experience

spk_3:   24:25
tell me you have a big family. The picture that is on a slide show and that I send in the E card shows a beautiful, blended family, all different colors, all different sizes. So how do you account for so many different cultural backgrounds? We

spk_4:   24:42
maintain as many connections with our Children birth culture for our Children who were born out of the United States as we can. So that means trips back to their homeland occasionally. But it also means maintaining cultural connections within the United States with people who are from their similar background for my kids, who are from Ghana, we make sure maintain connections with other Guinean Americans. The Chinese American community in the city we live in is large, and we make sure we are a part of that community as well. And then we make sure we are a part of the general adoption community, too, so that our kids always have someone from a similar background from a similar culture who came from a similar place enjoying their family in a similar way as our kids have. That's so important for them to have that.

spk_3:   25:29
Wow, I love that. I mean, it's just like a lot of us heart. Parents are also part of the heart defect community, and we do heart walks together, and

spk_4:   25:38
there are

spk_3:   25:38
different ways that we enable them to see other Children who have cars like they do. What you're doing is you're making sure they see other people from the same culture and who have experienced adoption, which makes them not seem so unusual. I love that it's fabulous. So can you tell us? A couple of helpful websites for people who want to know more about adoption can go and learn more?

spk_4:   26:00
Absolutely so for general adoption information, I always refer people to the adoption agency that we use love trust most. It's called the World Association for Children and Parents, and they have many, many different adoption programs. So what? Our last three adoptions have occurred through China? There are a ton of different programs, even domestic adoption. Call research Ask. They can help you with all that there. W w w dot w a c ap dot org's so. Www dot way cap dot org's for China Specific adoption Information. We volunteer with a group called The Red Thread Advocate. We have a website this group does where we have a ton of information about China Pacific adoption. China has thousands of kids on the wait list currently waiting for their families. Find them many, many of them with congenital heart defects. So for more information, they're they're red thread advocates. All one word that wordpress dot com And then so many people are interested in Joe's in my story and how we found our kids tested journey. So if people are interested, we're full plate mom dot com.

spk_3:   27:17
Okay, so spell that. Is it f u l l p l a t e. Is that Yep. Okay dot com. Okay. And I will also have these available on the web site Full plate. Mom, you do have a full plate. I don't know you do it, but it looks like you have a very happy, healthy, vibrant family. And I think that the fact that you're able to experience so many miracles probably not just through tests but probably through your other adopted Children as well just makes your life even more amazing.

spk_4:   27:54
It does. It does. We're so incredibly blessed. It

spk_3:   27:59
definitely looks like you have a blessed family. And I want to thank you again. So much for coming on the show. Becky, Thank

spk_4:   28:05
you so much, Anna, for having me. This was wonderful.

spk_3:   28:09
I know. This was so much fun. I learned so much about adoption. Well, that concludes this episode of Hart to Hart. Madonna, Thank you for listening today. Please come back next week on Tuesday at noon, Eastern time. Until band, please find it like a Facebook. Check out our website heart to heart with anna dot com and our cafe press boutique. Follow our radio show on speaker and block talk radio. And remember, my friends, you are not alone.

spk_0:   28:33
Thank

spk_1:   28:38
you again for joining us this week. We hope you've been inspired and empowered to become an advocate for the congenital heart defect community Heart to heart with Anna, with your host, Anna Gorsky, can be heard every Tuesday at 12 noon Eastern time. We'll talk again next week.