You're Not Enough - Something or somebody will never make you feel like you are enough. Ep 285

The endless search for finding a content and complete life can be exhausting. Looking for people and things to make us feel like we finally have it all together is the great quest.  But, is this really the quest you want to take?  

The great philosophers have repeated over and over that we can not find life happiness in people and things.  We must go elsewhere.  That's what this show is about.  Where is the elsewhere?  To put it simply, it is starting by grounding ourselves in the knowledge that we are created by God and for God's purpose.  His purpose is to glorify him.  We are in service and adoration of all that He desires, not what we desire.  

This is the seed of the great fall by Adam and Eve.  The chasing of something greater within us rather than in God.  Satan tells us that if we have  the money, power, prestige, and people in our lives, we will be complete.  Satan is also the author of all lies.  

Take the time to reflect on how you have chased after things that are more about you than God.  How can you use your time and talents to serve him?  When we find this, we begin to recognize a contentment in knowing we are on purpose.  His purpose and not ours. 

If you find yourself struggling to find contentment in your life and need help. Please reach out to Rock Solid Families.  We desire that you do learn to align yourself with God's way and experience a contentment that goes beyond human understanding. 

https://rocksolidfamilies.org

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:18

rock solid families wants to thank maxwell construction for sponsoring the rock solid families podcast. For over 30 years, max Maxwell Construction has been a leader in turning dreams into realities Building schools, banks, restaurants and many other commercial and public facilities. Maxwell Construction has made it their priority to not just build buildings but to build into their community, so if you have any construction needs, call them at 812-537-2200. Rock solid families wants to thank casey's outdoor solutions for sponsoring the rock solid families podcast. Casey's has grown to be one of the largest and most unique garden centers and gift shops in the cincinnati tri-state area. Whether you are looking to take on that next landscape project or simply add a little home decor to your house, casey's has you covered. Located at 21481 State Line Road, lawrenceburg, indiana, call them today at 812-537-3800. Let Casey's help you add beauty to your home. Welcome to the Rock Solid Family Podcast. This is Merle Hutchinson, alongside of the woman that completes me, linda.

Speaker 1: 2:04

How are you doing today Completes you. Where's that coming from?

Speaker 2: 2:08

Remember that movie? Jerry Maguire Got that, doesn't she or he says that to her, tom.

Speaker 1: 2:16

Cruise, you mean yeah. Tom Cruise, Like you complete me, since when are you into chick flicks?

Speaker 2: 2:22

I'm not, but I see you throw that around. Well, but never mind, throw that around now and then.

Speaker 1: 2:25

Well, but never mind, because you're wrong, because that wasn't the line that got her, it was actually after he goes through this whole scenario and he ends with you complete me. She said shut up, you had me at hello, so you didn't even really have to say anything but hello.

Speaker 2: 2:40

Wow, welcome to Rock Solid Family's podcast. This is Merle.

Speaker 1: 2:45

Hutchinson. What does that have to do with anything?

Speaker 2: 2:47

Hello Linda, that has nothing.

Speaker 1: 2:49

Does that have anything to do with what we're talking about today?

Speaker 2: 2:51

It has everything to do with what we're talking about. Like, what do you mean? The idea that you complete somebody? The idea? That I have to have somebody to complete me, the idea that I'm not sufficient by myself and so I have to rely on somebody else to make me a whole person. Sometimes in our counseling world we think about that as enabling, or codependency, I'm sorry. Codependency where you know without you I'm nothing, and so that's a dangerous place to be.

Speaker 1: 3:21

But it also kind of perpetuates the lie as well, that the enemy has convinced us that we have to be enough, that we should have it all together. We should be able to complete you, and whether it be our partner, our kids, our boss, we are not enough, and that's the good news that we're here to talk about today. So you were never meant to complete me or me complete you, that's disappointing.

Speaker 1: 3:52

No one really is designed to do that except God, and so that's a huge, huge topic that especially women struggle with, so feeling like they're not enough.

Speaker 2: 4:02

Yeah, and let's hover on this for a second, all right, because the idea here is, um people like to feel um whole and complete and solid, like I've got it all together, so you'll hear that phrase, like I've got my stuff together Right, and so that is a, a phrase of I feel complete, okay, and so it is a natural desire for people to want to do that, and they'll do different things and have people in their life to seek that completion. I finally got the job I want.

Speaker 1: 4:34

Now I'm complete, I finally have the kids.

Speaker 2: 4:36

I finally, and once they get that they realize I'm not quite there yet Like what happened, and so um, yeah, and so ultimately, you, you can only become complete when we talk about what we're going to talk about.

Speaker 1: 4:52

Yeah, exactly, but before we want to tackle that, we want to thank our sponsors. We want to thank Casey's Outdoor Solutions, maxwell Construction and the Hoosier Ice House for coming alongside us here at the Rock Solid Families podcast, but also our organization, rock Solid Families, and if you're not familiar with Rock Solid Families, we would love for you to check us out at rocksolidfamiliesorg. We are a faith-based coaching organization located in the greater Cincinnati area that works with individuals and couples and families, really trying to help them get unstuck right To find their wholeness and their health and hope in Christ and His Word.

Speaker 2: 5:30

So, yeah, yeah, we won't complete families, but we will hopefully direct them to a place where they can find greater completeness in this Completeness.

Speaker 1: 5:39

Yeah, Before we get into our topic, I don't want to forget we are in a rhythm now of every fourth Saturday we offer a Families Rock parenting class for the greater Cincinnati community. It's located, actually, in Lawrenceburg, indiana, at the firehouse the Lawrenceburg firehouse at Tate Street. It's from 8.30 to 12 pm in the morning, and our next class is going to be on May 25th, and so this class is for any adult. We don't have childcare, but it could be a co-parenting situation. Maybe you and your spouse aren't on the same page when it comes to parenting.

Speaker 1: 6:19

We would love for you to join us. We have had some great, great response. And, hun, man, it's a small number so it really makes you feel like a small group. You can ask your questions but you're not feeling like you're all alone in this parenting thing. And, man, you had some great feedback. You covered for me last weekend and, man, the response was pretty crazy what the folks were coming back saying after they were done.

Speaker 2: 6:41

Well, you know, we asked some people to go there because, well one, it's a great bang for the buck, right, they're getting like three hours of counseling or coaching all at one sitting and they only have to pay the $175 fee.

Speaker 1: 6:57

So that's one reason why Not $175, but $75. Yeah $75.

Speaker 2: 7:02

And so it's a great value. But also we are involved with the courts and sometimes our court system says hey we think you could benefit.

Speaker 2: 7:10

So they recognize that people can benefit and they send them there. But sometimes people don't want to be there, like when they're court sent and part of our job is to say hey, you know what? We're in here with you, we're still raising kids and I told the class before anything that you hear me say is not going to come out of a textbook. It's going to come because I get it. I feel the frustrations.

Speaker 2: 7:37

Here are different things that we do and we try and I think that right away people connect to that. I can see these guys are in the trenches just like I am.

Speaker 1: 7:46

We are. We are in the trenches. One respondent said and these were anonymous evaluations. One said I wish I would have taken this class 15 years ago and another one said. A different one said I believe every parent should go through this class, so that was quite a compliment. So thank you for taking care of that. But why this topic?

Speaker 2: 8:13

I don't know you selected it. No, actually it kind of runs on the heels, Our last show that we did was the whole idea of bringing out the best in your spouse, and we do want the best out of our spouses.

Speaker 2: 8:21

We want to be the best for our partner as well, as we'd like to have them to be the best for us, but no matter how good they are, and so, even though your partner's doing everything they can, you're just going to find yourself at times frustrated or being feeling empty or not complete, and so this is kind of the other side of that. Okay, this is kind of almost part two of let's move you one step farther to finding that completeness.

Speaker 1: 8:50

Yeah, and I had the privilege of speaking a few weeks ago to a group of women and the feedback I got and I talked about this topic was so encouraging and confirming that this is a much-needed topic. There were hundreds of women there and the feedback that I got was man, I needed to hear that, or I should have heard that a long time ago. And so what we're gonna talk about this week is the limits of what God calls us to do in relationships. And, for the record, it isn't your spouse or your boyfriend who are called to complete us, right, that's not their job. And when we expect any relationship to fulfill that role, we set that relationship up for disappointment and failure and even failure. So we just want to make sure we are on the same page of okay, what is relationship's job? What is our job? What is God's job? So, yeah, we're really here to help you because, especially women hun, I hear it all the time- Right.

Speaker 1: 9:46

I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm not enough. I feel like I'm not doing enough. Um, I'm not strong enough. I should be able to handle it all, and man, it is just Pretty scary yeah.

Speaker 2: 9:57

And hun. I'll go one step farther with this. Definitely, men and women can struggle in these areas, but I'll see something slightly different coming out of the men and the men I think by their nature is I don't need anyone else.

Speaker 1: 10:12

Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2: 10:14

And so they become a bit of an island. But something that I'll get as a strand of commonality in many men is they will become arrogant, prideful. I can do this, I don't need anyone else, I'm good at everything I do. I didn't make that mistake right. That's their fault, and so they get a false sense of completing themselves, and they do that by basically deferring or pushing off any of the things that might indicate that they're not complete.

Speaker 1: 10:50

Yeah, that are hard yeah.

Speaker 2: 10:52

And so it can kind of work both ways. One person could be totally codependent and need everybody else in the world to hold them up totally codependent and need everybody else in the world to hold them up, and another person could look like they've got it all together and be totally covered with lies and arrogance so that they don't seem like they're going to fall apart.

Speaker 1: 11:09

Yeah, that's a great point. Great point, hon. Those insecurities. Sometimes the men will double down and get hardened or kind of like close people off when really they're just hurting. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:19

It's where I developed the phrase early on are you coachable or not? Are you coachable or not? Because really so often the people who are hurting and the women, they'll come in and say I need something and many times the men will come in. I don't even know why I'm here.

Speaker 2: 11:33

I'm not, you know, she made me come here, yeah, and so so, again, it's like it's two different sides of the same coin in terms of just how it shows itself, but both of them show that all right. We have a misunderstanding on how completeness actually takes place.

Speaker 1: 11:49

Yeah, and there's a disclaimer in here, because we're not advocating in this show victimhood. We're not advocating. We believe God gives us what we need, to put our faith into action. So he's not calling us to sit paralyzed in fear or blame everybody else. Right, and so 2 Timothy 1.7 says what.

Speaker 2: 12:09

Let me find it here God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a power and of love and of sound mind. God has given us this right, and the idea that I have all these things and I created them of myself really misses the mark, because you are going to find that you don't have everything that you need, even that arrogant guy. I've said so many times before no such thing as a cocky old man, because at some point in time he comes to the end of his rope and realizes man.

Speaker 2: 12:44

I don't know everything I thought.

Speaker 1: 12:46

I did, yeah. Philippians 4.13 says I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. It does not say I can do all things myself. So recently, hun, there was a sweatshirt that kept popping up on my feed and it's because I clicked on it, I guess, and it was supposedly for Suicide Prevention Month, which is-.

Speaker 2: 13:04

You don't want to know what keeps popping up on my feeds.

Speaker 1: 13:07

Stop it. What does that mean?

Speaker 2: 13:09

Replacement parts for campers. Okay, I mean, it's like I'm getting all kinds of things, Replacement parts for campers Like where did you think I was going with that?

Speaker 1: 13:21

Well, when you said replacement parts, I thought you meant for your knee.

Speaker 2: 13:24

Well, that's for my body parts too. Your body parts are falling apart, but anyway, let me get back on track.

Speaker 1: 13:30

So Suicide Prevention Month is not even around now it's in September. But the sweatshirt said on the front you are enough. And then on the back it says, dear person behind me, the world is a better place with you in it. Love the person in front of you. And so I was thinking like, okay, that's great if the person in front of you is kind, but what if the person in front of you cuts you off at the grocery or flips you off in the parking lot, like does that void.

Speaker 1: 13:55

What they said, you know, is that going to put somebody in a downward spiral because the sweatshirt wasn't speaking the truth. And, yes, the world is a better place with you in it. I'm not going to lie, but it's because of God who God made you to be, not what someone wearing a really funky sweatshirt says.

Speaker 2: 14:15

Yeah, can I tag onto that too, that it's even better when you and I are equally yoked and knowing why God put us here, so that it's not about me just in service to you, it's about me serving you because I'm trying to honor God.

Speaker 1: 14:34

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 14:35

Right, and so my motivation is slightly different. If it's just to honor you so that you'll be good to me, right, it's kind of twisted.

Speaker 1: 14:42

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours, right, right.

Speaker 2: 14:44

But the idea is like no, I'm here to honor my family and God and all of these different things.

Speaker 1: 14:51

When we realize, when we start to internalize that God has made us on purpose, for a purpose man, that is powerful. Hannah, I have a client she's actually an international client and in her culture she really did not grow up with God being the center of their family, and so she really doesn't even acknowledge that God created her. I mean she'll say her mom and dad did. And again, I get it.

Speaker 1: 15:17

That's her mom and dad's DNA. But she doesn't see herself as fearfully and wonderfully made, and I shared this scripture with her in Psalm 139. And I want to share it with you guys, because there may be someone listening that doesn't believe that either, that doesn't believe that they were made on purpose for a purpose. And so Psalm 139, verse 13, says and so Psalm 139, verse 13, says made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be, and so I just can't imagine. You know this should be good news. God doesn't make junk.

Speaker 2: 16:15

This is so good news, but I think sometimes it is stuck in a church reading and is not actually applied. So what does it actually mean? Right, what does it actually mean? And so, just as you're reading that, I'm thinking first off God's fingerprint is on you. And when I sit there and think about all my years back in the schools and I think about how often many kids did not really think they were very wonderfully made.

Speaker 2: 16:45

Because, many kids had learning disabilities or had problems making friends or keeping friends or got in trouble, and so they were reminded and bombarded with I messed up right, so God did make junk in their mind oh, man made a mistake.

Speaker 2: 17:00

Yeah, and so that messaging of the world, and again, like I came from the school world, but I can tell you that in the social setting we can let the, the masses speak to and identify who we are and name us and label us and instead, like this verse here in Psalm, is just the whole idea of back off. I made you perfectly. Now you have to connect with God to start to understand what that perfection looks like. Right, your purpose, right and your service.

Speaker 1: 17:33

And all those things. Yeah, I mean, we were not created to do life on our own. He did not design us to be enough, otherwise we wouldn't need God right To be omniscient, which is all-knowing, and be omnipotent, which is all-powerful, and to be omnipresent, which is all-present. That power is reserved for God, the Father, god the Son and God the Holy Spirit. Why is it that we think that we should be all-knowing or all-powerful and strong enough? You know how? We should be able to know it all, be able to do it all, be everywhere for everybody. That's exhausting just thinking about it, and God never designed us to be that way.

Speaker 2: 18:13

So the lie is that we are enough, but the lie is also that, if we're not, somebody else, can make us enough right so there's kind of two things that we see people buy into yeah, um, yeah, you know. The arrogant man says I am enough right, and the just falling apart person says, like it's you that's going to make me whole and this lie is the oldest lie in the world.

Speaker 1: 18:37

This is the the oldest lie since the beginning of man. I mean, it was.

Speaker 2: 18:41

Adam and Eve.

Speaker 1: 18:42

This is the fall of man, where Eve believed the lie that she could become like God if she ate of that forbidden fruit, and so even the fallen angel, lucifer, was trying to be like God, and so we are still falling into that same trap, trying to be something that God never designed us to be, and that is enough on our own. That's the lie.

Speaker 2: 19:05

Yeah, let me read Ephesians 2. Ephesians 2, this is verses 8 through 10. And this is where we start to feel the humbleness that it's going to take to go to this next level of completing ourself through God, it says, for it is by grace you have been saved. So this grace, something you don't deserve it's a gift Unmerited favor.

Speaker 2: 19:27

Yeah, so it's been through grace that you've been saved, through faith, and this is not from yourselves. It is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast, for we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Speaker 2: 19:47

And so, right away, when I start to recognize wait a minute, I am here for purpose and God has given me this. Now it's my job is to chase him. To chase after what does he desire for me? What did he give me? Like you know, I think there's times when we go through life and we go, not sure that guy has a purpose, you know, and that's our own short-sightedness, and sometimes we get stuck in places where we don't feel ourself Like.

Speaker 2: 20:14

I'm just not in. I'm a square peg in a round hole right, and so part of our job is to not let the world influence us so that we choose pathways that do complement what God made us to be.

Speaker 1: 20:27

Yeah. So he doesn't want us to walk around all puffed up and bragging on our abilities and strengths, because God is the one that gave him to us and he's the one that can take him away. And so it says so that no one can boast. But God also doesn't want us to become self-deprecating either, where we undervalue what. God created us to be. So that false humility, that's not of God either. So he doesn't want you to beat yourself up and like oh, I'm just not great at anything, you know.

Speaker 2: 20:55

I'm not enough. Like that's not what God's intention here. Well, that's a slap in God's face, right, Exactly Like he did make junk.

Speaker 1: 21:01

Look See, I'm the example of it, yeah, no, either side, either extreme is not what God wants for us.

Speaker 2: 21:07

Yeah, romans 12, one through three. Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. This is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, and that's what I was talking about with the schools and everything else telling us what I am, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Speaker 2: 21:31

Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is his good, prove what God's will is his good, pleasing and perfect will. Verse three then says for, by the grace given me, I say to every one of you do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

Speaker 2: 21:59

Right and this is just a check. This is a check on okay, who are you? And whenever I answer that, I need to answer that in reference to God. Who am I? Well, according to God, this is who I am.

Speaker 1: 22:18

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:19

So, again, don't be conformed by the pattern of this world.

Speaker 1: 22:23

Like you said, hon, to offer ourselves as a living sacrifice, that we would, in everything that we do, whether it be at school, at work, in our family, with our friends, walking on the street, going to the grocery that we would act as if this is a form of worship, Like I want to honor you, god, with whatever I do.

Speaker 1: 22:44

And when I fail, when I fall short, then I really lean on 2 Corinthians 12, 9. It says my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness, and Paul says so. Therefore, I'm going to boast all the more gladly about my weakness so that Christ's power may rest on me. So, ladies and gentlemen, when we're tempted to try to be all that, or to have it all together, or to do everything somebody, sometimes we kind of don't give God the credit, we don't let God work, and so we can admit like I don't know or I can't do it or I'm not enough, and that's where we say but God is enough, god is enough, and so that's where we can be that testimony of God being the hero of our story and he being the strength and the knowledge and the wisdom we need.

Speaker 2: 23:36

Mm-hmm. You know, sometimes we're here, we are, we're talking about our daughter getting ready to graduate and we're trying to help her. Just like the next path, do you go to school? What would you study at school? All of these different things, and I still find myself letting the world weigh in on how I advise. Well, is that going to make you much money? Well, what's that going to? You know what I mean, and so I have to be very conscious as a parent to help them. Hey, you know, go to your gifts. Go to your gifts. Go to the things that really make your heart beat the things that your mind keeps thinking. Beat the things that your mind keeps thinking about. Right, you just keep gravitating towards, but that doesn't make any money. That's where my faith comes in.

Speaker 2: 24:28

That's where my faith comes in. I don't know how that plays out, but God will provide. He takes care of us, and that's not trying to be flippant like well, I don't have to do anything because, God wants us to always be in pursuit and to work, but we have to be careful of letting people who are not godly guide us in our decision making of our path for life and then ultimately, we put our trust in him.

Speaker 1: 24:54

One of the things that greatest gifts I got and I've shared the story before from Mother's Day was from our oldest son, where he was going through buds and he was going through Hell Week and he had written on the top of his hat God is bigger. And he gave me a gift after Hell Week was over and he sent me this card with this picture and it had his SEAL team class and it had his thing on the hat. And he said Mom, card with this picture and it had his, his SEAL team class, and it had his thing on the hat. And and he said, mom, you gave me something that couldn't be taken away.

Speaker 2: 25:24

Right.

Speaker 1: 25:24

And when I felt like ringing the bell and giving up, I would look up and see that hat. And man, I'm like man, that's. That's where you're like, you're not enough.

Speaker 2: 25:33

Well, going through buzz and going through hell Week will make and that's the purpose of it to make every guy feel like I don't think, I'm enough. Yeah, and they want to see you go dig even deeper. Dig deeper, and how are you going to find your way through this? And so that was certainly a great realization on his part.

Speaker 1: 25:52

God is enough.

Speaker 2: 25:53

I'm going to have to rely on him. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through today, and that's what topped in and that's what helped him succeed.

Speaker 1: 25:58

So I'm so thankful. So hopefully this has been helpful. Again, we know that every story is different and if there's something that we can help you with here at Rock Solid Families, we would love for you to reach out to us, because we walk alongside folks going through this kind of situation all the time, where they don't feel enough, where they feel overwhelmed, they feel like they've been a failure or they just can't get together.

Speaker 1: 26:21

And so let us help you. We would love to point you to the one who is enough, and that's where we find our strength and that's who we trust in.

Speaker 2: 26:29

Yeah, I mean if you find yourself buried in a lot of anxiety and even depression. You have to remember that all anxiety, the root of it, comes from confusion. I don't know what to do. I don't know, what to do and I put a little pressure on that.

Speaker 2: 26:45

And the next thing. You know, I become anxious. And so to help alleviate that confusion, finding your purpose, your place, your path in life is just so, it's a gift right To go. You know, I don't know how this is going to turn out, but I know I'm on the right road. Yeah, and the anxiety starts to diminish and so yeah, if we can help with that that is just a huge opportunity for you to grow yeah, and you're so right, hon.

Speaker 1: 27:11

And the peace that comes when you finally have that purpose and understanding of who God is and who you are and how he created you. So we would love again to walk alongside you. So give us a call at 812-576-ROCK that's 812-576-7625. Or you can reach out to us at rocksolidfamiliesorg and just hit the contact button.

Speaker 2: 27:33

All right. We want to thank again Maxwell Construction, casey's Outdoor Solutions and Hoosier Ice House for sponsoring the Rock Solid Family podcast. So thanks again for listening to the Rock Solid Families podcast. Building a stronger community, one family at a time. Make it a great day.

Speaker 1: 27:57

Rock Solid Families would like to thank Hoosier Ice House for being a proud sponsor of the Rock Solid Families podcast. In the heart of historic Lawrenceburg, Indiana, the Ice House is at the corner of Vine and High Streets. The historic building evokes a feeling of comfort, with spacious indoor and outdoor dining, a large bar and comfortable dining areas Large enough to host parties, yet intimate enough to feel like your favorite neighborhood restaurant. So thank you again for the Hoosier Ice House for sponsoring the Rock Solid Families podcast.