Rock Solid Families
My Parents Can't Look at My Phone, Can They? Ep 294
Linda was running a reconnaissance mission as she was at the local swimming pool. Her mission; to find the next question for Rock Solid Families Podcast. Well, not really, but she couldn't resist the opportunity when it presented itself.
While at the pool she overheard a group of young teenage girls discussing whether or not their parents could look at their phones. As they were going back and forth between each other it was pretty clear that none of them felt like their parents had the right to get into their phone. Needless to say, Linda's ears couldn't resist tuning in just to get a glimpse into their perspective.
During this show we tackle the question about whether or not a parent has the right to look into their child's phone. The phone contains so much of our lives these days that many of us can understand how personal this tool is. However, our kids may not realize that their phone is not quite as private as they would like it to be. We discuss several questions and scenarios of parents accessing their child's phone. Parents not only have the right, but now have the responsibility to access the phones. This is all in an effort to protect and teach our kids about the safety hazards and potential risk that the phone creates.
https://rocksolidfamilies.org
https://waituntil8th.org
#Rocksolidfamilies, #familytherapy, #marriagecounseling, #parenting, #faithbasedcounseling, #counseling, #Strongdads, #coaching, #lifecoach, #lifecoaching, #marriagecoaching, #marriageandfamily, #control, #security, #respect, #affection, #love, #purpose, #faith, #affairs, #infidelity
Linda was running a reconnaissance mission as she was at the local swimming pool. Her mission; to find the next question for Rock Solid Families Podcast. Well, not really, but she couldn't resist the opportunity when it presented itself.
While at the pool she overheard a group of young teenage girls discussing whether or not their parents could look at their phones. As they were going back and forth between each other it was pretty clear that none of them felt like their parents had the right to get into their phone. Needless to say, Linda's ears couldn't resist tuning in just to get a glimpse into their perspective.
During this show we tackle the question about whether or not a parent has the right to look into their child's phone. The phone contains so much of our lives these days that many of us can understand how personal this tool is. However, our kids may not realize that their phone is not quite as private as they would like it to be. We discuss several questions and scenarios of parents accessing their child's phone. Parents not only have the right, but now have the responsibility to access the phones. This is all in an effort to protect and teach our kids about the safety hazards and potential risk that the phone creates.
https://rocksolidfamilies.org
https://waituntil8th.org
#Rocksolidfamilies, #familytherapy, #marriagecounseling, #parenting, #faithbasedcounseling, #counseling, #Strongdads, #coaching, #lifecoach, #lifecoaching, #marriagecoaching, #marriageandfamily, #control, #security, #respect, #affection, #love, #purpose, #faith, #affairs, #infidelity
Welcome to the Rock Solid Families podcast. I am Linda Hutchinson here with my husband on the mend. How are you feeling, honey?
Speaker 2:I'm getting better.
Speaker 1:Getting better.
Speaker 2:I had to do an emergency doctor visit today.
Speaker 1:Your knee has been really grouchy lately.
Speaker 2:Well, they loaded me all up full of prednisone and then they just cut it out. They just cut it out and my body said oh, I felt bad the last like four days. Well, I was in Chicago and I was supposed to be in there for the weekend and I said I'm not even hearing anything that's going on. My knee was just bothering me so bad and I didn't feel like loading up with a bunch of narcotics.
Speaker 1:You know, in Chicago so I just said I just need to go home. And I came home and I've been doing pretty much nothing but icing and elevating and being grouchy. Yeah, I was not, oh, but. But I'm glad that you're feeling better and that the doctor gave you some more. What is that? A steroid?
Speaker 2:is that what? Yeah, yeah, it's just a steroid inflammation and stuff.
Speaker 1:So anyway, merle had his knee replaced a couple weeks ago and he's kind of ahead of, but he's kind of pushing it a little further than maybe my doctor said you keep doing what you're doing.
Speaker 2:We just got to get your body to adapt so that it can handle it. And we'll do that artificially with some steroids.
Speaker 1:So that has really nothing to do with what we're talking about tonight.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what are we talking about? How did I get put on this? I know?
Speaker 1:So we are in the middle of our series Ask Us Anything, and this kind of is a question that wasn't submitted. It actually was one I overheard a few weeks ago, and I just wanted to address it with our audience because, hun, it's a question we get from parents all the time, and I thought this series would be a good one to address it, and it's about phones and what rights our kids have and what responsibilities we have as parents. So before we dig in, though, I think we better thank our sponsors.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's do that. So we want to thank Rock Solid Families wants to thank, let me get this out. The steroids are kicking in all over. I want to thank Casey's Outdoor Solutions, Maxwell Construction and the Hoosier Ice House.
Speaker 1:So thanks to our sponsors for coming alongside of us and supporting the messaging that we are putting out yeah, so the question that was overheard, um was really are my mom and dad allowed to snoop through my phone? And uh you know, this would be a great this is a stupid question actually this was a great um time to maybe include your teen or preteen in on this not that they watch the.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, I just said, this is a stupid question but, um, you know the little backstory, um, again, it wasn't submitted. It was actually a question I overheard and, uh, I was at our local pool and you were eavesdropping I honestly, I was just laying.
Speaker 2:She's the old lady that sits over.
Speaker 1:I am.
Speaker 2:Act like she's reading a magazine.
Speaker 1:No, no, no no, I probably looked like I was asleep, but I was laying out and the kids were in the pool and these three little preteen girls were sitting right next to us Listen, be careful. And they were talking and playing with their phones and they were sending stuff back and forth. And they were talking and playing with their phones and they were sending stuff back and forth and they were wrapping their towels. They'd just come in from the pool and they were wrapping their towels around them, drying off, and they were looking through pictures and texts with each other Stop.
Speaker 2:I didn't see you doing this, no.
Speaker 1:And I heard one of the girls tell her friends, don't send me that because you know my mom will see it. And the other pre-turned girl friend asked her like is your mom and dad allowed to snoop through your phone like that? And the third girl chimed in and she's like my parents do it too. It's so annoying Just like that, by the way, with that tone you heard it, and then the other girl pushed back and she was like they're not allowed to do that.
Speaker 1:I mean, it was just so classic, it's against the law, she said. And then she's like maybe we should call the cops on them.
Speaker 2:And to that they all Did she say that she did that's?
Speaker 1:funny, but again, I think there was tongue in cheek, but with that all the girls just busted out laughing and then they put their phones down and they went back in the pool, and so you know, I'm not really even sure why. The conversation surprised me because, like I said, it is one we hear from the student side and the parent side, even in our own home, all the time. And so the question is do we as parents have the right to look through our child's phone, like, is it right, lawfully, and is it a responsibility that we have?
Speaker 1:And so we really want to talk about that.
Speaker 2:Well, can I stop?
Speaker 1:Sure, because you weren't there, though I wasn't.
Speaker 2:I wasn't sunbathing. I'm laughing because I think it's silly, right? Because I think I know the answers to these things. But what I'm actually afraid of is that there are enough people and the way of our world is actually putting us to a place that these girls would even bring this question up and there are enough people that are within the legal power or strength areas to say, oh, maybe you kids do have this, and which is such a sad thing because there's such a responsibility of the parents to have the authority to continue to raise these kids to a certain age.
Speaker 2:And hey, you know, we kind of say in our house listen, if you're 18 and you want to move out and you want to do this and that and the other. You know, knock yourself out, but under our roof we at least get to that time. Yeah, you know. And so it really is kind of a little scary that right.
Speaker 1:It's sad that we even have to have this conversation, but I mean again, I think it was tongue-in-cheek and they're kind of younger, but you give those kids a couple more years and they're threatening to sue you. They're threatening, you know, to leave the house or whatever, and so I think there's some things that we have to really think about as parents as we unpack this question, and so do you have the right to look through your child's phone.
Speaker 1:And I want you to answer these questions first off, before we start. One do you own the phone Right? Did you buy it? Do you pay the bill?
Speaker 2:Are you asking out of the parent or are you asking out of the?
Speaker 1:kid. I'm asking that as a parent.
Speaker 2:Does a parent own the phone? Yes, right.
Speaker 1:Does your child live in your home? Are they a minor? Are they under the age of 18? If you said yes to any or all of these questions, then you absolutely have the right and the responsibility as the parent to monitor what's going on on that phone. And so it has been the lie of the enemy and our culture that is really buying this lie that somehow a 12-year-old, 13-year-old, 15-year-old, 16-year-old has the right and freedoms to do whatever they want with their phone. And us, as parents, have kind of created that animal.
Speaker 2:Right. Well, because here is kind of a lot of the reality we're seeing and again, like I want to shake my head that we're actually here. But you know, a lot of parents have second guessed themselves. They've slowly abdicated the whole, like, well, you know it is their phone, you know it is their friend group. And so when they do that, that they start to question themselves. They they're wondering, well, what if they're gonna, their kid's gonna get upset yeah, you know they're afraid of the backlash yeah, um yeah, parents will just wilt to the idea that their kids are under other peer pressure.
Speaker 2:All the other kids have one. None of the other kids have to do this. The kids sleep with the phone in the room, all these things, and parents go. Oh well you know so they, they, they fall to that yeah um, this is seems silly.
Speaker 1:We're getting old as parents we are, but the idea that some parents uh, I'll say typically your younger parents um, there's a cool factor that they want to maintain. Your mom and dad are so cool. Yeah, they're cool, they're so lame.
Speaker 2:I party with my parents. We go out and have fun, and so some of those parents sort of equate the authority level across the board with the kids and them. You're right yeah with the kids and them right yeah. And then there's just this whole ignorance with kids and even parents of what the authority figure looks like and what the parent's role is Like.
Speaker 1:well, the idea that we're questioning this, is like an ignorance, and the parent doesn't want to be the only one because it does. It makes you feel like you don't have the money or you don't get with the times, and so there is this peer pressure, even for parents, not just with kids, and this expectation that we've kind of allowed kids just to kind of push on us that you owe this to me.
Speaker 2:yeah, right, so yeah okay, so, um, jordan peterson, yeah, has a show out this past week and it talks about right off hand. I can't. I can put the link to the show on, but he has a cybersecurity specialist on and part of this guy's deal is that he is trying to see, how I'll just say, the criminals are trying to spy and lure in everything from young kids and really the young kids and the old people.
Speaker 2:We scam the old people and we try to do bad things with the young kids, and so what his company does is they look for high frequency of this happening and then they set up. I'll just say dummies.
Speaker 2:Dummies. Right, they'll set up all these fictional characters to see if they can put honey in the pot to start attracting the bees. Okay, and the statement that he made that stuck in my mind is that if our government knew the number of criminals I'll just say illegal operators that were actually taking place and doing their job, if they were real people out on our streets, our National Guard could not cover the amount of security that we would need across this country. Like we'd have to have National Guard on every street.
Speaker 1:Our kids are so vulnerable.
Speaker 2:Right, and he's talking about. I'm just telling you, I don't want to freak you all out but I'm just telling you, and it's not because it's in the United States, it's borderless.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, it's borderless.
Speaker 2:This has nothing to do with the. United States. It's completely borderless. So, whatever your population was of America, what are we? 345 million or something?
Speaker 1:like that.
Speaker 2:Well now we're looking at eight and a half billion. Right, those are all the possible characters who could be knocking on your kid's door.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and we have an old student who is now into cybersecurity. Actually, old student who is now into cybersecurity actually not cybersecurity, she's, she's in internet policing and she is working on, you know, that same kind of stuff for our area and just what's coming in and who's involved with child pornography or just the things that are just anyway. There's such a level of ignorance for us as parents to think that, oh, we just kind of throw our hands up like, oh, I can't do anything about it.
Speaker 1:Like you know everybody's doing it, and you know I'm sick of policing it, and so, man, I just want to say mom and dad, we need you, and so we're going to give you a step-by-step guide to leading as parents in this digital world. And again, we don't have all the answers, but it is so important that you take this conversation seriously and this question and really wrestle with it, like okay, what is my role? Because this is such an important topic that we can't just ignore and put our head in the sand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's start with number one, so you can write these down.
Speaker 2:These are just little bullet points and so you can say, oh, I just want to write this down so that I remember as I go to create our own little plan or opportunity to do better here, and one of them is be real clear about what kind of digital devices that you are actually operating and owning and having in your home, and that is not as easy as you think. There are so many different devices now that have either Bluetooth, wi-fi, some sort of capability, so this means pretty much any TV that's been bought in the last 10 years probably has some ability to do some sort of computer thing with the internet, and so these are our iPads, even some of our music stuff. We've had kids that they lose their phone and they start to circumvent the things through burner phones or iPods and stuff like that Gaming systems.
Speaker 2:Even our Google.
Speaker 1:Nest that I use just for pictures and stuff.
Speaker 2:they can get full reign to the internet and when the Google Nest came in, I was like, well, we just blew that one because it opens the door. So here's the point. It's not a matter of should I throw them out which maybe sometimes we should, but the idea here is first take inventory of everything that you have in your house, Just say, oh gosh, do we have? We have way more than I thought, or no, you know, we've limited it pretty well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was blown away when the Xbox turned into an online you know, where you could access people from all over the world and have the kids game and talk to each other. I'm like I thought my kid was safe just playing a video game in the basement. They're not that safe anymore. And then after that, as parents, you've got to get on the same page concerning the level of access and freedom your child should have on each of those devices, and even if you're divorced or your kids live in two different homes, it is so important, hon, we do this when we do our Families Rock, which, by the way, is every fourth Saturday of the month.
Speaker 1:We deal with parents who are co-parenting and we say to them please, please, I know that you divorced and you're not living together anymore, but find common ground when it comes to technology, because, because, man, and discuss it in private before you really set the reset button publicly.
Speaker 2:Things to specifically unify on right. Unify on when we're going to start this, when we're going to allow phones and digital media and all these different things, when what's the time for us okay and you know we, we've always said wait until eight or 13 grade yeah yeah, but you know to be honest, that is not the gold standard.
Speaker 2:That's a starting point yeah because everyone's maturity, every kid's maturity, is different. I could have one kid who's a complete rule follower and they could have been a rule follower since they were born and I could actually probably give them something more than the kid who's maybe 16 years old and he's. He's just doesn't have the moral compass and and maturity to make wise decisions. And so what we're saying is, between the two of you, look at your kids and say, in our home, we feel like, and with our kids, this is the age that we're going to start to open the door to these types of things and you need to come to that agreement.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, merle, you mentioned wait until eighth. That is wait until eighthorg is an organization where you literally sign a commitment, a covenant, as parents, saying around 13. And so that's, like you said, the starting point.
Speaker 1:And we tried that with our kids and not all of them were successful with that, and so we had to back up right and we had to rethink that Social media. You know, if you, as parents, decide, man, we're not even going to have that conversation until you turn 16. And that's only if you've shown respect and responsibility and you know trustworthiness, like that's when we can start having the conversation. And then you know, we have an 18 year old, almost 19 year old, in our home, and when she turned 18, she had shown, through her maturity and responsibility, that she could have that privacy that we no longer monitor her phone. She has aligned with our morals and values, and so there was that privacy that occurred, right, she's in her home, but yet we're treating her as an adult.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and let's go then the next step farther. And this sometimes in today's world, I think, makes parents go really, even your TVs, your kids having TVs in their own rooms, we will tell you and you can just go ahead and do the research on it.
Speaker 2:But screens, especially TVs, and people will say, well, they just have a computer, but in your kid's room is not a good thing to begin with, and the idea here is you know, this is a good time for you to have a common screen, a common TV. Maybe we have the big TV that sits in the family room and maybe, especially when the kids are young right, when they're really young, like when they're five, six, seven, eight, nine years old, and you're like, hey, we're gonna do a friday night movie, right and we're all gonna come together and and your kids learn and you, as a parent, learn to cooperate this whole thing together.
Speaker 2:Hey, this is the whole family thing, right? And so we're learning to pick and choose shows for the good of everybody, versus, well, I'm just going to my room and I'll watch what I want to watch and you can go watch what you want to watch.
Speaker 1:And you know the family computer it stays in the common area, right, and you know this is where pornography goes rampant. Because we get a screen, we go in a room, we close the door and our child either stumbles on it or experiments with it, and so you've got to have some kind of blocks, filters, limits, monitoring that you are going to tell them. I don't even want it to be a surprise, you know. The real question was should do mom and dad have the ability or the authority to snoop through your phone? And we would say 100%.
Speaker 2:Yes, they do. But here's the thing Not only do they, you have to.
Speaker 1:But I don't even want it to be a secret.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Like we're saying that it's important that your children understand who owns the device and who has the authority over the device. Make it common knowledge, don't make it a secret. Don't make it a secret, don't make it a surprise, because then they can decide risk versus reward, right Like I'm going to take a chance and then I'm going to get busted and then I'll know, and so they can kind of decide, just like those girls did that. One girl said don't send me that because my mom will see it Like she made a decision. I don't even want it on my phone because I'll get in trouble.
Speaker 2:Right and it's not worth it to me.
Speaker 2:Okay, and I think even more on that line, the idea of if you can get ahead of the game, if you and your spouse or the other parent of the children, if you can get this plan together when the kids are young, you will save so many headaches. If your kids are six, seven, eight, nine years old and you're already saying, hey, you know. Well, in our house, you know, when you're 15 or you're 13 or you're 18, like whatever you say, that will be sort of the language that the kids hear and they'll hear that all the way through like well, this is just how we roll. Where we run into problems is we've let the cat out of the bag.
Speaker 2:The cow out of the barn and we've seen, oh man, this is getting a little messy here, and so now we're trying to reel this thing in, yeah, and we're questioning ourself, our kids are questioning us, and so do yourself a favor, if you have the advantage of having younger kids. Set the plan up now and go with it. Okay, set it up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we set the vision, we set the values and we communicate that clearly. You know, we did that same thing with our daughter in dating.
Speaker 1:When she came in our home. Our youngest three are through the foster care system. When she came in our home at age 10, she already had little boy crushes and stuff and we started to communicate right then. Well, when you're 16, we'll start talking about it. So she knew that she that was an expectation and that was a limit in her home, a boundary, and so she really didn't fight it too much until she got that really sweet guy that was on sweet on her when she was 15 and a half and so she kind of snuck it in the last month or two that they were going together, but again they didn't go on a date right until she was 16, and so she, she, valued our, our rules right?
Speaker 2:well, she's always been a risk reward like oh I don't want him.
Speaker 2:But again, not every kid is at that level. But that's your job as a parent to assess where your kid is in that risk assessment. I also think, hun, that it's important. Yes, the parent does have the authority to look at the phones or the digital media, but here's where we see parents run short all the time. They say I have the authority to do this and they throw these authoritarian, empty threats and what we really are saying is state this once, state it early, but enforce it, follow through. If every time your kid does violate something that you thought was important and you lay down as a rule and you just like listen, I'm telling you you do that again, you do that again.
Speaker 2:You're really you've released your authority and your kid knows it's not as authoritative as you are trying to tell me, mom, right, and so what we're saying with that is just enforce it, just mean what you say, and the sooner you do that they'll know Ooh, they mean action.
Speaker 1:So, for instance, let's say that you think your 13-year-old, the eighth grader, is ready for a smartphone and you let them know hey, this is a privilege. It's not a right, it's a privilege. And this is our phone. And so if we're going to regularly check, we need your password, we're going to be monitoring. If we see anything inappropriate, say sexting or pornography, just to let you know. You will lose that right for a month or whatever.
Speaker 1:Or maybe you're going to lose a smartphone altogether, maybe you're going to get traded in for a Gab phone or something like that. Like, let it be known ahead of time that that's the consequence. Remember risk versus reward. Like, okay, is it worth the risk? And so you know. And that means you need to know their passwords and check it regularly so that they understand that you are going to be monitoring.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's all kinds of different programs out there, you know, and you and I maybe differ a little bit on this, because what we actually find and this is kind of funny, but it's not surprising at all.
Speaker 2:More moms install programs and monitor them than dads. Okay, maybe because dads are like I'm just not going to bog myself down with that, or whatever. We want to be careful. We want to have the basic amount of tools that we need and remember like we see this all the time Everybody wants new laws, new laws, new laws. If we just enforce the laws we have, we probably will be just fine, and so the idea here.
Speaker 2:You don't need 10,000 different platforms to monitor your kid, all right, you just need a few basics. But you enforce them, you enforce them, and so you know. There's the idea of what is it.
Speaker 1:Protect young eyes. Protect young eyes. Wait until eighth grade and there's all these things.
Speaker 2:So you know, you can do your research, you figure it out, but it's not about the latest and greatest program, it really isn't. It's about just some of the enforcement that you're going to have and some basic things.
Speaker 1:for instance, have the devices sleep in your room. Please start this early, so it's not really an expectation that they get to sleep with it. I cannot tell you how many parents have used that as an excuse. Oh well, they need it as an alarm, or they like to listen to music, or you know, and so you've created this really bad habit that just comes back to bite you in the butt. And another one is establish screen-free zones and times, whether it be at the dining room table, whether it be in the car. You establish it as parents what the expectations are, and you know, it's just the reality of where we're at today. We all think that we should just look at our phone and look at a screen anywhere we are, at any time, and we're guilty as parents.
Speaker 2:Well, you and I go round and round about this. It's like you know we have to enforce this stuff and we have to say you know, if we're expecting this behavior out of our kids, we have to watch what we're modeling and you know it's very easy to fall into your own phone addictions, your own screen addictions. And next thing, you know, like you have your lies. We call them excuses for why you have to be there and at the end of the day your kid doesn't hear your excuse, they see your action.
Speaker 2:They see you in the car scrolling, even though you say this should not be a place. You do this, you know, and it's like you lose all of your credibility and so you have to commit as a family to say this is what we do. Right, and you got to realize you as a parent. You're probably in the addiction yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, communicate that as a family. We've mentioned this book before, but it's a good one in the area of digital parenting, and this book is called the Anxious Generation, and the main premise in the book is that we have over-parented when it comes to children's freedoms and allowing them to take risks, whether it be go play down the street or run to the store for you or whatever but then we've under-parented when it comes to the digital world and what we have exposed our kids to at such a young age, and so we, as parents, have created this anxious generation of kids and young adults who are afraid to do things on their own, take risks, get a license, get a job, move out, get married, but then we've set them loose in the wild wild west of the internet without the maturity or the tools that they need to navigate. It's crazy.
Speaker 2:And you got to understand why this over-parenting, with them being adventurous and going outside and exploring, and why the under-parenting with the digital world has happened. The truth of this is we are. We do. No parent wants to be caught doing the wrong thing. They don't want to get in trouble, so they hover over their kids. But they realize quickly they can't watch every move and so we are using our digital devices as babysitters.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2:And so we're saying hey, you know, no, you can't go out in the woods here.
Speaker 1:go over here and you can go play with this screen while I'm over here doing my work.
Speaker 2:And so that is how we're basically just disheveling the parenting and we're bringing it over to the screens. And so the idea here is like, listen, you may have thought you were avoiding getting your kid in trouble or hurt by not letting them go outside. Look who you're inviting into their world. Remember we said, it's borderless. It's not a matter of just who's in your neighborhood, it's a matter of who's going to come through the screen.
Speaker 1:I had a parent who literally won't let their child go across the street to play with another neighbor because of fear of a predator, and I'm thinking, wow, we really need to take a look at where the predators are coming from you know, are they creepy guy across the street or is it literally coming in in every avenue of every screen we have?
Speaker 1:So, I want to talk to the kids first, son next, because I just want to apologize to the kids out there Because, as adults, I want to apologize because we've kind of used you as guinea pigs in this failed social experiment, kind of like. We've talked before about smoking. Back in our days, my parents were 13 and 14 years old when they started smoking.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And now my mom passed away of lung cancer and my dad has COPD. But back in our days my parents were 13 and 14 years old and they started smoking Right. And now my mom passed away of lung cancer and my dad has COPD. But back in that day you didn't have to have a license, you didn't have to have a certain age, you just did it, everybody did it and it was so accepted. And that's kind of where we're at now with screens.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I hear your apology. I get that. Nobody did this with ill intention.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:You don't know what you don't know, right. And so you know, as a parent, you don't spend time beating yourself up, you don't go gosh, I'm so sorry. I wish I would have never done that. You can't reverse the clock. You know your mom struggled with COPD and lung emphysema and everything else and it's like, sorry, you're 82 years old, that clock doesn't get to go backwards, all right. So we didn't know what we didn't know. However, moving forward, we do know what we do know, and so we make better choices based off of the information we have at that time.
Speaker 2:Here's the other side. Your kids are going to make mistakes. With their kids, there's going to be the new, latest and greatest, and they're going to be oh no, all the kids don't. It's cool, our kids do it. And then all of a sudden, 15 years later, they're going to be like, oh, that was probably not a good thing, whether it's tattooing of some type, whether it's piercing, whether it's I don't know eating some kind of food. So this is nothing new. What we're saying is now you got an opportunity to learn, the date is in, and now let's make some different decisions.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I'm asking mom and dad, for you not to cower down in fear or the desire to be your child's friend. I'm asking parents to step up and be the parent that God has called you to be, asking parents to step up and be the parent that God has called you to be. We need you, we need you and our kids need you. You know this addictive device that we have a hard time putting down. You know we've thrown our kids to the wolves of social media and the World Wide Web and where they want to be hooked and used to sell things and make money. And you know, know the youtube influencers and the tiktok stars and the snapchat streaks and the instagram comparisons.
Speaker 2:It's all too much and we've kind of created that animal for can I just tell you I'm mad about the whole thing because I've tried to get the kettle bar out and become an influencer and I'm terrible at it. That's why I'm just jealous of all these young kids.
Speaker 1:All these millions of followers. Within two months they got a million followers and I'm like oh my gosh, I can't even get three followers.
Speaker 2:And again there's an excitement to it. There's a major dopamine hit that these kids are getting, so I'm not going to sit there and blame them Blame them no, but I have to understand that there's a lot of crazy responsibility involved in this.
Speaker 1:So, going back to the story I started with at the top of the show, you know when I was like overhearing these preteen girls, I wasn't creeping on them, I was literally just sitting there, you know so many things ran through my mind in that short exchange I overheard, and one of them was I'm so thankful that there were parents.
Speaker 2:I sure wish this lady would leave the pull deck, and one of them was. I'm so thankful that there were parents. I sure wish this lady would leave the pull deck.
Speaker 1:I'm so thankful that there were parents out there who are still willing to step up and be a parent, regardless if their kids like it or not, and I think we're seeing more and more parents kind of wake up like you said.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we definitely are, and realize that their children are a part of this failed experiment and it's causing them to be anxious, depressed and downright mean. Sometimes Our kids are irritable and it's because they have become like you said. These dopamine hits and if they want more, more, more, more. And when you take it away, it's like a nuclear meltdown. Whether their phone got lost or got broken or man, god forbid, they got it taken away. That should be your sign, your red flag that something's up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's no doubt. I guess, as we kind of close things out, I'll go back to the whole. The unification of the parents that are involved, and one of the things that seems to happen so often married couples, and even more so with divorce is it becomes a leverage point, it becomes a manipulation point, it becomes well, you know if I can get dad on my side, or and so the whole thing just gets really messy.
Speaker 2:If you really want to, just ahead of everything, get on the same page, and even I always say like sometimes you might even have a stupid rule, but if you, as the parents, you might even have a stupid rule, but if you, as the parents, both of you have the stupid rule it'll be common language in the house right. It makes it so much easier to carry out.
Speaker 1:Well, and I was thankful that there were two girls that felt like they weren't alone, you know, like, oh, me too it's so annoying, you know, but they had a friend that they could commiserate together and feel like I'm not the only one. And so, as a parent, surround yourself with other parents who have like-mindedness, who are having the same morals and values and expectations for their kids, and that they're letting go slow, and that really is helpful when you have a community that kind of believes the same thing.
Speaker 2:I think I'll just tip our hat to that.
Speaker 2:We're starting to see states that are adopting some heavy duty changes and principles of well you know what, we're not going to allow phones in our classrooms, or there's going to be phone free zones, and so these are things that you know you are starting to get some influence on as parents, whether you attend board meetings or at the state level. So you know you have some opportunity for some change and you know I really do contend that by the time our kids are raising their kids, they're really not even going to have this level of conversation about the phones like we are.
Speaker 2:I'm sure there's going to be totally different ones but this one will be like oh no, like we. Everybody just knows that this is the right etiquette for phones.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, another thing I was thankful for were those kids that put those phones down and went back in the water, you know, and just stayed kids.
Speaker 2:Our kids would have jumped in with the phone. They've done that before.
Speaker 1:Actually our niece did that, just the other night yeah.
Speaker 1:Jumped in the pool. But you know, unfortunately our kids are missing out on so much fun things. There's so much learning and growing, so much fun and connecting with others. All of that's being traded in for a stupid screen. And so, as a mom and a dad tell, encourage those kids to unplug, take those screens away and say go outside. My mom used to say blow the stink off. You know, and I know that there's retreats in different camps where they don't let phones and man, the kids have a blast because it's like they feel free again.
Speaker 2:Well, hon, as you're talking there, even though I didn't feel very good, this past weekend I was up in Chicago at a training. It was a physical training for my personal training work that I do Throughout that whole thing. You hear guys talking. You hear people talking about obesity, but just the loss of muscle tone and the inability for kids to pass physical screeners, Isn't that crazy? Tone and the inability for kids to pass physical screeners, Isn't that crazy? And we're talking about kids who should be ready to go into the military, ready to go and play their sports. We always say here you are, I am doing everything I can to get my body repaired for my final years and they're doing everything they can to destroy their body and I'm like, oh, you don't do that.
Speaker 1:Don't do that to your body right now, because you're going to be really sorry, you'll need two knees yeah.
Speaker 2:So it just really is a shame, like now's the time when you get your kid out there. Let them be active, let them grow that body, because you're only going to get one opportunity. Let them take risks.
Speaker 1:Let them climb trees, let them play on the monkey bars, let them ride their bikes, let them scoot like, let them take risks. So let's stop over-parenting on the risk-taking freedom side and let's start let's start doing a better job of parenting on the on the digital side. So yeah, my parents have the right to snoop through my phone, but just don't make it a secret.
Speaker 1:So, as we close today, we want to thank our sponsors again. We want to thank Casey's Outdoor Solutions and Maxwell Construction and the Hoosier Ice House for sponsoring the Rock Solid Families podcast and really what we do at Rock Solid Families and if you're not familiar with this nonprofit this faith-based nonprofit that does coaching for individuals and couples and families we're located in the greater Cincinnati area. We work with people all the time, whether it be in our office or Zoom. We would love to connect with you. We would love for you to subscribe to our show, so we would love just to find a way to If you're not familiar with us, get out your phone and go to rocksolidfamiliesorg right, yep, yep.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is. It's a digital world. We're not getting away from this. We've come to function with it, but it is a great opportunity for us to start to harness the power and direct it in a better way. All right, so again we want to thank you guys. Thanks again for listening to Rock Solid Families Podcast. Building a stronger community, one family at a time. Make it a great day. Those kids hate you. That lady's listening to us. She listening.
Speaker 2:they didn't know, they didn't know rock solid families wants to thank casey's outdoor solutions for sponsoring the rock solid families podcast. Casey's has grown to be one of the largest and most unique garden centers and gift shops in the cincinnati tri-state area. Whether you are looking to take on that next landscape project or simply add a little home decor to your house, casey's has you covered. Located at 21481 State Line Road, lawrenceburg, indiana, call them today at 812-537-3800. Let Casey's help you add beauty to your home. Rock solid families wants to thank maxwell construction for sponsoring the rock solid families podcast. For over 30 years, maxwell construction has been a leader in turning dreams into realities building schools, banks and many other commercial and public facilities. Maxwell Construction has made it their priority to not just build buildings but to build into their community.
Speaker 1:So if you have any construction needs, call them at 812-537-2200 rock solid families would like to thank hoosier ice house for being a proud sponsor of the rock solid families podcast in the heart of historic lawrenceburg, indiana. The ice house is at the corner of vine and high streets. The historic building evokes a feeling of comfort, with spacious indoor and outdoor dining, a large bar and comfortable dining areas large enough to corner of Vine and High Streets. The historic building evokes a feeling of comfort, with spacious indoor and outdoor dining, a large bar and comfortable dining areas Large enough to host parties, yet intimate enough to feel like your favorite neighborhood restaurant. So thank you again for the Hoosier Ice House for sponsoring the Rock Solid Families podcast.