Rock Solid Families
Rock Solid Families
Ask Us Anything - What is Adoption and Fostering Really Like? 296
The story of Possum Trot is what inspired our question this week. In the movie, Sound of Hope, the little town of Possum Trot in east Texas was absolutely moved by the Holy Spirit. Donna Martin, wife of preacher, WC Martin, became moved by the number of children in need of a home. She began to look into the idea of fostering and adoption. Her husband was initially not moved at all. In fact, he resisted the whole idea.
As only the Holy Spirit can work, it didn't take long for WC to join in with the same passion as Donna. Before you know it they had their entire congregation joining in on the mission. The town of Possum Trot had 22 families that adopted 77 children. At one point in time, there were literally no more children that needed a home in the county. WOW!
While the story is amazing the movie also does an excellent job of illuminating the whole experience of adoption. Yes, it starts with a heartwarming idea, but the reality is that adoption can come with its share of challenges. The movie depicts this very well.
The question presented this week ask: What is Adoption and Fostering Really Like?
Many of you may know that we went through the foster to adopt process for our three youngest children. In this show we share our story and many of the different experiences we have had. While our experience is not the same as everyone else's, we believe there are many commonalities.
If you are interested in fostering or adoption, check out this show. If you are thinking about the next step, contact your local Child Services department, or a local adoption agency in your area. Enroll in a class about the process and learn as much as you can. At the end of the day, we are all called to serve the innocent and meet their needs. Adoption may be the way for you to help meet this need.
Feel free to contact us to ask more questions. 1-812-576-7625
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Welcome to Rock Solid Families Podcast. This is Merle Hutchinson alongside of Linda Hutchinson. Hello Linda, how are you today?
Speaker 2:Besides technical issues, fine yeah, my computer's acting very strange today so I'm not sure.
Speaker 1:And on top of that, my mouse is hiding somewhere. Well, you know the lost mouse.
Speaker 2:I shall find you.
Speaker 1:I'll put a trap out tonight, I will get you. Oh yeah, all you, I'll put a trap out tonight, I will get you. Oh yeah, all right, so we're still doing our questions, ask us anything. And there was a movie that came out, and so I think this question was spurred on by this movie, and so let me read the question, if I can.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, it is. What is adoption and fostering really like? I have recently watched the movie Sound of Hope. I know that you have adopted children, and that's referring to you and I Yep, we are considering adoption as well. What is your experience with adoption and fostering?
Speaker 2:Ooh. Yeah, I actually like this question because it made sure that we had homework to do and go see the movie, so it turned into a little date night.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which was nice because we had not seen the movie Right and so getting a chance to watch it ourselves and to kind of see where they're coming from. So a plug, first and foremost, before we start. If you have not seen the movie Sound of Hope, we really encourage you to. We'll give a little background in a second. But it's a true story and it's a powerful story. It was so funny and I'm kind of choking up thinking about it. But we left the theater and we saw some friends, including a young adult man, and he was like I cried through the whole thing you know, and so it was pretty powerful, and the fact that he would even be willing to admit that right.
Speaker 2:But, it was just really cool and he was sitting there next to his girlfriend, but it was, it was a really good show and, yeah, it was the story.
Speaker 1:Well, in a nutshell, it's a small town in East Texas, possum Trot, and they essentially there was a preacher, WC Martin, and his wife, donna, and they she had gone, she had lost her mother and she was kind of through dealing with some depression from it and kind of like what's the purpose here in life? And I think the Holy Spirit spoke to her and said your purpose is to do what your mother was always doing and that was raising and taking care of kids. And with that she was spurred on to learning about the whole adoption process Really, I think, through mostly child services like these kids that really need a home. And so, long story short, we won't get into all the details, but 22 families ending up adopting 77 kids in Possum Trout and at one point in time the social worker there said we don't have any more kids to get out into the adoption world.
Speaker 2:And so, anyway, it was so funny though. It was so funny though. But yeah, we'll get to our sponsors first.
Speaker 1:Yeah, before we get into that let's do our sponsors, then we can really get into all of this. Okay, I'd like to thank our sponsors Maxwell Construction, casey's Outdoor Solutions and Hoosier Ice House, and so thanks again to all of those guys. Greatly appreciate the work that they do, as well as the community that they believe in in terms of a healthy, strong community with strong values, and so thanks to you guys.
Speaker 2:And a couple just reminders. One is that our Families Rock class, which is a monthly class we repeat monthly at the fourth Saturday of every month, is going to be coming up on July 27th if you're listening to this in the archives 2024. And we are doing it at you to join us. This is really a class, whether you're married, a divorced, a single parent, maybe you're co-parenting or you're a blended family.
Speaker 2:It really talks about those conflicts that we have as parents and in a family and how we work through them to really create this unity and this strength in our families, and so we would love for you to be a part of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, we do have coming up our celebration that we're having, and so you should have received a mailing, and we're asking you to RSVP this week, if you're a donor.
Speaker 2:If you're a donor, if you're a partner of ours, yeah.
Speaker 1:And so if you've got that, please just a little prompt there. Rsvp.
Speaker 2:We're putting things together and that'll be here, before you know it. Yeah, so I kind of tell the story about this because I felt like I was having a little deja vu moment when she felt, when Donna Martin felt called to adopt and really going through the foster care system. So, she had taken this class actually it was before she even took the class she kind of sprung it on her husband that she was thinking about this. He wasn't really on board. He was like what you?
Speaker 1:know I could relate to him. Yes, that's what I was saying. The way he handled that was like what you lost your mind. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so you know we're going to talk about that. But it didn't take long for Donna's passion for adoption to become infectious and really the entire church began to rally around her and that family and helping kids find a good home. And so it is. It's really a true story, but it's supposed to be a reminder that there is so many children in need right here in our community. You don't have to go across the ocean or go to a different country.
Speaker 1:It is literally in your backyard where there are children in need of a home, a forever home. Yeah, hon, it speaks to the idea of helping those that are truly innocent. A lot of people have a play in their circumstance. Whether you've gone bankrupt or you're in a divorce, you probably had a part in that and you know these are kids that probably had little to do with why they're in the situation they're in and so that is that innocence, and so you know we are called to protect the orphans and the widows because of their innocence, they didn't choose to be in that.
Speaker 1:And so I think that's one of the things that really struck Donna. And I think that's one of the things that struck WC when he actually saw some of these like oh my gosh look what that poor little guy's going through.
Speaker 1:And he had nothing to do with it. And so there's an instinct that comes in of protection. We need to get out there and protect, and I think the the the only way that that doesn't grab you is if you simply don't watch it. You you'd look the other way, because when you see a little guy, they show some of those little guys that are. You know they don't show all of the nasty because, but you, you know your brain can figure out what's going on and you see the little guy crying or whatever yelling in the house and you're thinking, oh my gosh, this is terrible.
Speaker 2:Yeah, james 1.27 says religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world. And so that's pure religion. That is an understanding who God is in our life and how he wants us to show up in other people's lives, and that is take sacrifice.
Speaker 2:It takes a decision of I'm going to put myself on the back burner in the hopes of helping someone else and what I want or what I need, and so God is calling us to take care of those orphans and widows.
Speaker 1:But before you get, all full of your heart thing and this is another reason why I think you and I like the movie, because right now you could think of this like, yeah, it's always been on my heart, I would just love to do that. But the movie then moves past all of the heartwarming things, the initial surface emotions, and it gets into the difficulty Every kid comes that are in these situations, comes with their own backstory and a lot of it is a lot of a lot of back garbage and baggage. And so it comes into your home and we're going to talk a little bit about that today. But the movie does a great job of showing like here you, here, you had your family, you had everything and it was moving in a certain direction. And then you bring in this, these new kiddos, and man you know, it rocked their world.
Speaker 2:I think that we're kind of assuming that everyone that's listening knows our story, and so, just in a quick, quick nutshell, we have five children, ranges 33 to 16. Our two oldest sons were out of high school and out of our home when we were presented with the opportunity to foster, to adopt three more children, and they were children in your school building. They had been in the foster care system for five years. They had been in five different schools and five different homes over those five years, and so when they came to you, they were. When they came to our family, they were 11, 10 and seven, but they were about ready to be split up.
Speaker 2:They were about ready to be sent out of the area.
Speaker 1:Into a new fostering situation.
Speaker 2:Because they really were into that hard-to-adopt age, and so you know, we just wanted you to know a little bit about our backstory, as to why we're even being asked this question, right, yeah?
Speaker 1:yeah, so I think we went through and put together some points to consider yeah, all right, some points to consider that, yes, your heart has to be involved for sure If your heart's not moving over this process. You definitely shouldn't do it All right, but your brain better be involved too. And one of the very first things is you have to be all in. You can't be. Well, we'll try it out for a while.
Speaker 1:And I think that was always my reservation. You were the one that you were quick to say yes, and I was slower because I always wanted to have a foot out the door right.
Speaker 2:Like.
Speaker 1:I've always struggled with commitment in my life. So, I always want to have an exit plan.
Speaker 2:Actually, until we met, you hadn't dated anybody over six months. Yeah, I knew how to get out quickly.
Speaker 1:When I met hit the six month mark, I was like yes, I'm in, but the adoption and I didn't like the idea of fostering and fostering is awesome, but I didn't like the idea of fostering because of what I thought it would do to rack kids' brains to. Oh, I just started to get close to these people.
Speaker 1:But again there is a great great place for fostering, so I'm not saying no to that and a need a huge need, yeah, but for us I was like I don't want to get into that emotional back and forth. But once we made the decision, it was like we're not turning back. We're not turning back. This is where we are and let's go.
Speaker 2:We've told this story before, but we were actually both at church and there was a message and a song and it was one of those defining moments where you and I looked at each other and we're bawling our eyes out and it was like holy cow, what's going on?
Speaker 1:Our son, Zach, was there. He was home from college, right, and he was next to me and I'm kind of bawling there in church and he looked at me. He's like are you all right? And I'm like, yeah, we'll talk later.
Speaker 2:But it was. It was really that realization of okay, you know, we're burning the ships, we're all in. And so the very first point you brought up, hon, is that you both, husband and wife, mom and dad, both have got to be all in, because you are playing with the child's life, right, and you're playing with the heart, and so we need to make sure that we are giving them the most stable, secure, forever home possible. We can't return it.
Speaker 2:It's not like a 60-day, which, by the way, the foster care system knows. The child services knows how hard this can be, so they don't let you commit until six months in. They say this is a process, that it is a foster situation for six months and then the process to adopt occurs. Just for that reason, yeah, the second point that.
Speaker 1:I thought we should address with this question is, sooner rather than later, take off your rose color glasses. And what I mean by that is, you know, when you first see the baby or the kid that you are interested in, you will see the cute, you will see the good you will see. Your brain will just imagine how you can be the savior of their life. You know, there's a lot of things that like, oh, I could quench the thirst here of everybody, and that has to be there for you to even get started. But it's a little bit like lust instead of love. You know, it's an initial sort of thing, but the lust kind of wears off and then you have to make. Then you know, we know, that love is an actual choice and it's a process, and so that's the same thing here. Like you gotta get those rose colored glasses and tune them in a little bit better to realize, no, there's going to be difficulty.
Speaker 1:And you know what am I saying? Nothing's easy, nothing's cheap. And so the sooner you get the idea of like we're gonna have challenges. I know, nothing's easy, nothing's cheap, and so the sooner you get the idea of like there's, we're gonna have challenges.
Speaker 2:I know I'm gonna wrap my head around those, yeah, um, and this movie was a great reminder of that because it definitely showed the emotional toil that it took for the child and for the adoptive family and for the extended families. And the other movie that I remember going to and thinking it was going to be a ha ha funny movie was instant family. That was a comedy about fostering yeah, and I remember crying in that movie like holy cow. That hit close to home you know, because it is.
Speaker 2:It does take you take the rose-colored glasses off and remind you that this isn't going to be like oh, it's just a little storybook. You, you know, story it's. It's real life and it comes with a lot of heartache and a lot of hard things. And so it I still, to this day, say um, fostering to adopt our three youngest were was the one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, and it continues to be a challenge and, by the way, this our children are 28, 20, 19 and 16 now. So this is nine years later, but it is, it's been one of the greatest challenges of my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, kind of running off of the back of the rose-colored glasses. The next point we put in here was, you know, examine your expectations and then lower them, and what I mean by that, the expectations of everyone. Like and this is where this came from in my own mind Once we said and in my own mind I said yes, I had like a vision of, okay, like in six months we'll all be together, we'll all be family, like everybody will know all the stuff about everybody and we won't miss a beat. And four years later we were like, when is that going to happen? Because it just you're constantly learning things about each other, about how you handle things, how the kids handle things, and sometimes you just, you know, you give that dog. Look like huh, huh, like is this really? You know?
Speaker 2:I do feel sorry for our kids. I feel sorry for all five of them because you know we are in this profession, right? We work with couples and families and individuals. Every day we work with teens, and so I can't imagine how hard it is to live under our roof.
Speaker 2:And it takes me back to my mom, who was a nurse at the ER, and I remember she would constantly be, you know, giving us sermons about how we have to wear clean underwear and you know not ride her bike in at the front line of the casualties when we don't, when we don't make good decisions, and so I kind of feel like our kids are in that same boat, where it's like holy cow, our parents are counselors. This is great, you know it makes it hard so but the expectations.
Speaker 2:you're right, we had to get realistic of it's not going to be rosy, and it's not going to be perfect, and our kids are humans and we're humans and we're going to blow it, and there was a couple instances in that movie, sound of Hope where they're losing it. You know, they're having little.
Speaker 1:The kids are having tantrums I might have seen myself the adults are having tantrums.
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh yeah, I've been there before.
Speaker 1:So yeah, yeah, the fourth point we just thought we should address is you know, obviously, if you listen to the show at all, we come from a Christian, faith-based background and you know you have to ask the question is God in the middle of your decision? Because you know we found out quickly and I think you're going to find out you don't have the knowledge, you don't have the wisdom. I'm sorry, I don't care how many books you read, I don't care how smart you think you are, like you don't have what it takes in and of yourself to get through all of the different things you're going to experience, most likely in this situation.
Speaker 1:And so you know there have been so many times on where we've said I don't know, I don't know, where this is going to go and we just prayed, right, we just pray and just say we got to give this away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so constantly inviting God into the picture to guide and reveal our next steps and honestly to extend grace to our kids, to each other, to ourselves. You know God is in the grace business and so if we are not an extender of grace then we're really not showing the light of Christ and the grace of Christ to others.
Speaker 1:So yeah, Before you jump in, you should evaluate your resources. What and who do you have that's going to be part of your team? The movie points right out the idea of money. Yeah, you know, like they took on all these kids and there were multiple families saying, well, you know now that our grocery bill is kids. And there were multiple families saying, well, you know now that our grocery bill is this, now that our water uses is this, you know utilities were being shut down and maybe that's an issue, maybe it's not. We live in a pretty generous area here. But these are all the things to consider. How are you going to provide?
Speaker 1:And then I think another thing too, han, like the human resources behind you your church family, your own family, your friends, like are they going to get behind you or is everybody going to look at you and go?
Speaker 2:well, you were an idiot for doing this.
Speaker 1:You can do it on your own.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you definitely need a support system, but I would push back on the material resources because I hear that excuse a lot and, honestly, especially out of the foster care system. I'm not saying you should go into it for the money, but money should never be the reason Because, honestly, god provided. God has provided for us the last nine years and it definitely was not an issue because we just trusted in him. We trusted in him and we were provided resources through the foster care system, and so I really would love for you to pursue more, even if you think money could be an issue, because it really ends up not being that big of a deal, and when you are doing it for the right reasons not to make money, obviously but when you do it for the right reasons, god provides and God multiplies the resources needed, especially if you do have a church home and a healthy community that comes around you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you try to do all the math right up front, you start counting up college costs and medical costs. You wouldn't even jump into the arena. But yeah, god does provide, and so you go with it. The sixth point was you're going to have naysayers. You're going to have people that shake their head.
Speaker 1:The movie actually even showed that that there were a couple that were just going you guys do not know what you're getting into, in other words, and when you don't know what you're getting into, you're going to make a bigger mess than what is already there, and that's kind of the thing. And what I say to that is don't just ignore that, because a lot of times there's good points. You know, like some of the people who questioned us, some of their things had been true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, well, and you also were coming from your own experience, hon, because your parents had done a little fostering and you had some bad experiences where somebody's hiding knives and you know, running away, and so it does. It kind of plants those seeds of doubt and fear into your mind about, oh my gosh, that's going to be our experience. And so we all come with our different perspectives and our different experiences, and so we just kind of trust God that, okay, no matter what you heard, you are going to have naysayers and especially if there's somebody you trust in your yard, then yeah, you're going to listen to them. But at the end of the day, this is between you and me and God and what God is calling us to do. And so you know, once we made that decision, we couldn't turn back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can't turn back and you just go. And this is kind of the new normal and you don't think about, well, what would have happened if we didn't? You just go with it, yeah.
Speaker 2:We would have been empty nesters on a deserted island somewhere. Just kidding, just kidding.
Speaker 1:This next point. I broke up into a lot of different sections because now, hon, this is really where we are, and that is, we have found that there are lots of different seasons of the adoption process. You know, we have seasons, we talk about seasons all the time.
Speaker 1:the four seasons of parenting, but there's been seasons and just this whole process of coming through, like when we first welcomed our kids in. You know, when you've got your biological kids and you've got them at the cradle right, you birth them. There are seasons, but you just have a connection, right.
Speaker 1:we even talk about the bonding of parents and all that and so we got our kids when they were 11, 10 and 7, and they already had significant memories and and bonding with their biological parents. Yeah, and so those were seasons that, like, we were clueless about, like we didn't quite understand that yeah so I think initially it was really challenging that first season because everybody's testing the waters.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we were testing the water. It's like, well, does this work, does that work? And they're testing the waters. Our kids were testing it. Like I remember them. I remember our youngest, uh said why are you guys doing this?
Speaker 2:you know, like he was still yeah, heading back, and he was a little seven-year-old going.
Speaker 1:Why are you guys doing this? You know like he was still heading back and he was a little seven-year-old going. Why are you doing this? Why did you let us move in with you? He was not ready to just open up.
Speaker 2:Well, plus, you were their school counselor.
Speaker 1:So that was really weird. You were Mr Hutchinson to them.
Speaker 2:I do remember, though, hon walking into a Walmart a local Walmart and walking down an aisle, and two out of the three kids did a complete 360 or 180 and started going the other way. And I'm like what's going on? They're like we can't go down that aisle. We can't go down that aisle.
Speaker 2:And here was this intense fear of our youngest two, and it was because somebody in that aisle was in their past and they had been in their home and they were kind of a scary person in their life. And they think they had been in their home and they were kind of a scary person in their life and they think they had stolen from them. And so you know, here we are. I have no clue who this person is, and you know. So they've got memories and experiences that trigger for them stuff, and so you know I have to. Like you said, this was the initial season of just really learning how to work through those very difficult memories and experiences that they had that created quite trauma, traumatizing things for them. So we had to get through that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but then you do kind of move into another season where they are more comfortable calling you by the names. That you've all agreed to use like mom or dad or each of our kids their names, and you start using it and the patterns develop and so there starts to be a level of comfort like I know where I'm protected, I know where I'm secure, I know where I get food, and so that's a little bit of a comforting season where there? Was a little bit of settling.
Speaker 2:Although it was hard, because our children at one point had three moms and three dads, because they had their biological parents, which are, who are still alive. They had their foster parents, who they had just left the house and moved into our house, and then we were the adoptive parents and they called all three sets mom and dad. So when they said mom, I didn't know which one they were talking about. So that was hard too. How confusing is that.
Speaker 1:Well, honey, this is kind of where we are now.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, after we've moved through these years we've gone through quite a bit through the schooling and everything, and now you know they're back into having a good relationship. We think it's a good relationship with their biological father and in some ways it feels a little bit like a divorce situation where they desire a relationship with their dad and that seems to be good, but that means they're not with us right.
Speaker 1:And so there's this back and forth, and so this is a whole nother season that you and I are adjusting to, and I don't even know if the kids are thinking about it, but we're like okay, this is kind of weird. They're both at dad's house, which is good.
Speaker 2:We like that. They're choosing to be there instead of with us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because they're trying to catch up on time too. They talk about gosh this is what my dad does now and this is that because they're filling in a lot of gaps from those years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I told the kids just recently I don't want you to have to choose. You know that's not our goal. We want you to have the love of a bunch of different people and we want it to be healthy love, right. We want to be for the right reasons and the right ways, and so that's what we're searching for. And seeking is that healthy relationship for them, whether it be from grandmas or aunts, or parents or siblings or whatever, and so they do.
Speaker 2:They have a lot of siblings, that you know. In our house we literally have two by the same name. So we have a big Nick and little Nick, and so you know how confusing is that for some people to understand. But they also have a lot of other steps and halves of siblings that you know make it kind of tough and complex.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So you know I'm sure there's other questions and as we kind of wind through the end of this, we would never tell anyone you should absolutely adopt or you should absolutely not. I think it is one of those things that's a very personal decision. I think it should be very weighed out and thought about and prayed over. If it's a spontaneous yep, we're going to do this, I think you might be really hurting everyone. So I don't know, I don't know what you think about that, hon, but I would never say absolutely you should adopt or absolutely not.
Speaker 2:You're right, it's a very personal decision and, like we have already kind of said, I could not push that on you if that was not something that you felt ready to do, because I think you would have resented me. I think there would have been some bitterness and some anger.
Speaker 1:Especially when things are going bad, right, yeah, for sure. When you're having a bad day Because we're going to have those bad days right. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Especially when things are going bad, right, yeah for sure, when you're having a bad day, because we're going to have those bad days, right. And so it's got to take two and it's got to be personal, and I really would rather you not really just listen to all the naysayers. In our time we really spent a lot more time with a very small circle of trusted friends and family.
Speaker 2:And then we took it to God and so we really kept praying over it and we didn't use it as an excuse, but we wanted to make sure, like you said once we pulled that trigger, we're not going back, and so we wanted to make sure. So, if you are considering fostering, to adopt or fostering your adoption, we would just say who are your circle of influence, the people that you listen to and go to that circle of trust? Like, go to listen to and go to that circle of trust, go to those people and talk to them, like hey, this is something we've been praying about and thinking about and so kind of been bouncing it with them, right? But every time you have those kind of conversations, go back to God's Word, because ultimately, that's our guide, right, that's what God's calling us to do, and I did. I felt like it was laid on my heart years and years and years, before we even had children. Period.
Speaker 1:Not mine. I know it wasn't.
Speaker 2:And I think it was because of those experiences that you had, either in the school system, teaching or growing up. But that was something that I think was the Holy Spirit laying on me and it just never left me. It never left me. And so who would have thought 30 years later no, it wasn't quite 30 years after we got married.
Speaker 1:Close Were we 37?, so it was 28 years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, like who would have thought we would have been empty nesters and I mean I was thinking it was going to be when our kids were young, I had new bikes I was going to buy.
Speaker 2:So never underestimate God's power to influence your decisions and your family, what it looks like. So there's a ton of children out there who need a forever home, who need to know the love of Christ, and if you, as a believer, can be one of those forever homes, then I really encourage you to keep pursuing it. We went to the classes, we had the background check, I kept waiting for the roadblock, right, and it never came, and so it was kind of like, okay, okay, okay, let's keep moving forward.
Speaker 1:Can I just say about the classes. I was like, oh geez, as teachers we're like one of the worst students to sit in classes. And I will say, at least in our area we're in Southeast Indiana the classes were fantastic.
Speaker 2:They were super necessary.
Speaker 1:They were very real, Like they they are talking a lot like Linda and I are trying to talk to you today.
Speaker 1:They were not putting up rose colored glasses, they were. They were almost trying to say we're going to be so real with you and if you on the other side of this still are okay, then maybe, maybe you're ready to think more. And so I really appreciated that, versus like, oh yeah, you're all ready to go, You're going to do it. So, um, and wrapping things up, I'm going to catch you off guard. So we it's easy to think of what you think you can provide for these kids. Oh, I'm going to give them a good home. They're going to get lots of opportunities that maybe they didn't have or weren't going to get. But they also change you.
Speaker 1:Like we are different people now on the other side of this than we were on the front side. How do you think adoptions changed or impacted you, Like what? What impact has it had on you?
Speaker 2:Well, I think I'm a better coach, um counselor and parent because of it, because I really thought I knew what I was doing and I don't. And I've had to eat humble pie and ask for their forgiveness many, many times because I've lost it and I really didn't do that very often with our oldest two. And so that was just a reminder to me is that we all have our breaking points and we all have our limits and we all have our strengths and we all have our weaknesses, and All of my weaknesses have seemed to be percolating out. And so I've learned a lot. I've been humbled, I have learned what grace is, and I have also learned what heartache looks like. And I'm saddened by what our kids experienced. I didn't know that kind of stuff was out there and it's opened my eyes, and this movie does a great job of opening eyes, without being too vulgar and, you know, descriptive. You definitely, like you said, you can read between the lines of what some of the things they've experienced.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in the same vein, hon. I think humility has come to me. I think, uh, you know, you think kind of our older sons were just good guys, but you know not just that, we knew them from birth, right and they were easy and they were easy and and they would still say that we were not always perfect.
Speaker 1:And they're right. You know we screwed up with them. I got a little message from our older son today about some funny stuff. But yeah, like there's so many puzzles that happen with our adopted kids that you just go, I just don't know where this is going to go.
Speaker 1:And you go to prayer and you just say you know, and you ask for forgiveness Gosh the number of times that I've lost it. And then afterwards I go I know I said the wrong thing, I did the wrong thing, you know. So that part's been challenging, but I think on the other side it reminds you of the grace that you have to have.
Speaker 1:It reminds you of the empathy that you have to have. So I think we're moving towards being better people. On the other side of this, we're trying not to be jaded or cynical, which can sometimes be hard because you know you think, oh well, none of this is going to work or whatever. So trying to keep that at bay and realize that no, we're all working through this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's helped me cling to God more and, like I said before about being a better coach, I think that because some of this is out of my control with, you know, the other family members and things in their life that is not in our control it has really helped me to trust in God more and also have more empathy for those that are going through whether it be a divorce or death or, you know, betrayal or co-parenting. You know, because I kind of feel, whether it be a divorce or death, or you know, betrayal or co-parenting, you know, because I kind of feel, like you said, a divorce situation where some co-parenting is going on, even still today, and so it's helped me to humble myself and to work together for the good of our family and for the good of our kids. So yeah.
Speaker 1:So we hope that we maybe at least gave some things to think about. We hope that this question was something that, if you're in that thinking process or have ever thought about it, maybe you know we've given you something. We always would definitely entertain a phone call or whatever if you're thinking well, hey, I'd like to run this by you.
Speaker 1:We don't claim to be experts, we just claim to walk through an experience, and so maybe some of that can shine through, and part of our challenge might be that, if it really is something that's weighing on your heart and, by the way, you know, your heart has to be in this we talked about, but your heart can't be the only thing in it. So if it's really on your heart, then I would just recommend that take the next step and check out local adoption agencies. Or we went through child services just because of the kiddos that we were working with were in child services, and so, and if you're still interested, you can take the classes and you don't have to adopt or foster at all, you can take them. In fact, they invite you in to say just get a taste. And so in your area there will be classes that are offered by the county and sit in on them they're typically in an evening or a Saturday morning and sit in on them and just see what your heart and your brain do.
Speaker 2:You know, it's kind of interesting because you do have some control over who comes into your home.
Speaker 1:So, like.
Speaker 2:You don't have to have a baby. You don't have to have three like we did. You don't have to have them at 11, 10 and seven. It could be a toddler, a boy, to match your other, you know preschool son, or, you know, a daughter. I got my first daughter, my one and only daughter through adoption. So, otherwise I have four boys. So thankfully God blessed me with a daughter. I just had to import her from you know I cause anyway.
Speaker 2:just you have some control over that and you can't say no, so that's something that is in your control there, that you just let God lead there and see what he does.
Speaker 1:Yeah, All right. So if you have any questions, you can get us at 812-576-7625. Again, we ask you check out what we're doing. You can check out our website at rocksolidfamiliesorg. We greatly appreciate you guys listening to shows. If this particular show hits you or you think of somebody when you hear the show, please share it, Give us five-star ratings and get us up on the search engine. So we just greatly appreciate that. We appreciate our sponsors. We appreciate Maxwell Construction, Casey's Outdoor Solutions and the Hoosier Ice House. So I think that pretty much wraps us up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you so much for listening to the Rock Solid Families podcast. Building a stronger community one family at a time make it a great day.
Speaker 1:Rock solid families wants to thank casey's outdoor solutions for sponsoring the rock solid families podcast. Casey's has grown to be one of the largest and most unique garden centers and gift shops in the cincinnati tri-state area. Whether you are looking to take on that next landscape project or simply add a little home decor to your house, casey's has you covered. Located at 21481 State Line Road, lawrenceburg, indiana, call them today at 812-537-3800. Let Casey's help you add beauty to your home. Rock solid families wants to thank maxwell construction for sponsoring the rock solid families podcast. For over 30 years, maxwell construction has been a leader in turning dreams into realities building schools, banks and many other commercial and public facilities. Maxwell Construction has made it their priority to not just build buildings, but to build into their community.
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