Rock Solid Families
Rock Solid Families
What's Your Parenting Style? Ep 303
Parenting Styles and Their Impact
Parenting styles are the approaches parents take to raise their children. These styles can significantly influence a child's development, behavior, and self-esteem. Here are six common parenting styles, with examples and a discussion of their effectiveness:
1. Permissive Parenting
Description: Parents are very lenient, allowing their children to make their own decisions and setting few limits.
Example: Parents let their child stay up as late as they want, eat whatever they desire, and have little to no rules.
Impact: Children raised by permissive parents may struggle with self-control, decision-making, and responsibility. They may also become more prone to substance abuse and risky behaviors.
2. Neglectful Parenting
Description: Parents are uninvolved and provide little emotional or practical support.
Example: Parents are often absent or preoccupied, showing little interest in their child's life.
Impact: Children raised by neglectful parents may experience low self-esteem, emotional problems, and behavioral issues. They may also struggle with academic performance and social relationships.
3. Gentle Parenting
Description: Parents focus on creating a loving and supportive environment, emphasizing positive discipline and communication.
Example: Parents use gentle discipline techniques, such as natural consequences and positive reinforcement, to guide their child's behavior.
Impact: Children raised by gentle parents often develop strong self-esteem, empathy, and social skills. They are also more likely to be cooperative and well-adjusted.
4. Guilty Parenting
Description: Parents feel excessive guilt and often overcompensate by being overly permissive or indulgent.
Example: Parents feel guilty about working long hours and try to make up for it by buying their child expensive gifts or allowing them to have unlimited screen time.
Impact: Children raised by guilty parents may struggle with boundaries and expectations. They may also develop a sense of entitlement and become less resilient to challenges.
5. Authoritarian Parenting
Description: Parents are strict, demanding obedience, and using punishment as a primary form of discipline.
Example: Parents set rigid rules, expect unquestioning obedience, and use harsh punishments for disobedience.
Impact: Children raised by authoritarian parents may become rebellious, withdrawn, or aggressive. They may also struggle with self-esteem and social skills.
6. Authoritative Parenting
Proverbs 13:24
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Description: Parents set clear expectations, provide guidance, and encourage independence. They use positive reinforcement and natural consequences as discipline techniques.
Example: Parents set reasonable limits, listen to their child's perspective, and provide support and encouragement.
Impact: Children raised by authoritative parents are often well-adjusted, confident, and successful. They are more likely to have strong self-esteem, good social skills, and academic achievement.
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Welcome to the Rock Solid Families Podcast. This is Merle Hutchinson being joined by my wife, rock Solid partner, linda Hutchinson. Hello Linda, how are you today?
Speaker 2:Rock Solid partner. You are like a rock like a rock.
Speaker 1:There you go. What does that have?
Speaker 2:to do with what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1:I've got a question for you.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:What kind of parent are you After the turbulent weeks we've had? What kind of parent are you?
Speaker 2:ask our kids, see what they say. Our teenagers you feel like this is a setup this is a setup, because if they listen to it they'll be like ha ha, ha ha. So what's my options?
Speaker 1:uh, okay, so I'm sure you're setting me up here. I am a permissive, neglectful gentle.
Speaker 2:I like how your voice changes, Guilty authoritarian or authoritative?
Speaker 1:That's a bunch. I know it is. Which one are you?
Speaker 2:And those last two I always mix up. I always have to think very carefully before I say them. Well, I don't think my kids would say I'm gentle or permissive, I don't think I'm neglectful, I'm kind of doing you know, they would probably not say I'm very gentle.
Speaker 1:Are you guilty?
Speaker 2:No, I've gotten, no, I'm not Because I've I've seen some guilty come out of you and some parenting. Give me an example.
Speaker 1:After you've come down hard and then all of a sudden you want to back pedal out of it a little bit, I'm like you need to keep the screws tight here.
Speaker 2:But coming down hard, I would say more. I would say I'm probably, when I'm not in check, I'm more the authoritarian, the yeller, the yeah.
Speaker 1:What about you? I'm the perfect one, I'm the authoritative one.
Speaker 2:Is that what we're shooting for? The authoritative?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's well. First off, I appreciate your honesty. I think probably, before we go too much farther there, the idea we are going to talk about what kind of parent are you referring mostly to the parenting styles, and it's like everything you know, it's not like a cookie cutter. You're this way and it's the only way you are. Most of us kind of meld in and out, based off of circumstances and moods and all these other things. But um, I would say um, I do have a a strong bend towards authoritative, but when I'm frustrated I get into the authoritarian.
Speaker 2:I get it.
Speaker 1:uh, you know where I'll raise my voice and I, uh I, have been known to make some um declarations of, of threat that I can't back up, and so those are authoritarian, you know, and it's based on, they're emotionally driven. So yeah.
Speaker 2:So if you have no idea what we're talking about, then welcome to this week's show, because that's what we're going to be talking about. But before we do, let's thank our sponsors.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's thank Maxwell Construction, Casey's Outdoor Solutions and the Hoosier Ice House, so we want to thank those guys for sponsoring what we do here. I also want to thank you guys for out there, listening, sharing shows, continuing to support and contribute to what we do here at Rock Solid Family. So we want to thank all of you guys for that. Let's see, we got a couple of announcements. We are we are not offering families rock the parenting class in the month of september in the month of september.
Speaker 1:So just so you know, we've been announcing that on a regular basis that the last week of the month typically we offer our families rock parenting class. But the month of september we are taking that month off and we will reengage in October the last Saturday in October.
Speaker 2:So the next class, the Families Rock class, which we talk about the styles of parenting in that class, is October 26. It's a Saturday morning from 830 to 12 at the Lawrenceburg Firehouse. So mark your calendar now. We'll just have a couple more before the end of the year, so get it calendar now. We'll just have a couple more before the end of the year, so get it in now. And it's a great co-parenting class or a single parenting class, or if you're, you and your husband or wife are not on the same page, this is a great class to go to. To try to get to that. What is the healthy style of parenting? That is going to be one uniting us as mom and dad and also the best healthy option for our kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hey, so we are going to go through these different parenting styles and, um, I nobody starts a parenting style or the parenting in general with the intention to cause harm or to fail, but sometimes we don't recognize what our driving force is like what are the values that we're going to parent under and what's our why, you know? And sometimes, if our why is, well, I just want my kids to like me.
Speaker 1:Well that's going to put you in a totally different parenting style than a parent who says, well, I want my kids to someday be a well-adjusted adult, you know, whatever. So we're going to unpack these, but I think part of this hunt is to try to move past. Many of these styles that we're going to talk about have had their life cycle and we've seen what's happened from them. So maybe in the 1980s or 90s, when this was being introduced, maybe one of these styles that we talk about.
Speaker 1:When it was being introduced, it probably sounded like a great idea, but now it's got some life history behind it, yeah, and we get to see well, how did that turn out right? How's that working for you? So we will talk about that. Actually, we'll talk about what we see in our office, not specific cases or families, but just like trends of parenting styles that we see and the outcomes from those. This is by no means like no one's going to be perfect at this thing, right, and so we do this for a living and we still struggle in our own home, because we are all humans and emotions get tied into this, emotions get tied into this.
Speaker 1:So, anyway, but we want to definitely have a better approach that we're going to become more aware of and train ourself up and like okay, if this is a better way, then how? What does it look like? I want to practice it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think you need to recognize that your style of parenting has a lot of to do with the influences and the factors that have kind of played into your life, for example, how you were raised. Right, sometimes we are going to do what we saw and sometimes we want to go the exact opposite. Maybe you had a controlling home, so now you're very permissive home. It also depends on your personality.
Speaker 2:If you're a laid back personality, you're really not going to get stuck in the weeds with things or kind of follow up with things. Then maybe your style of parenting is going to be more of a permissive parenting. Maybe it's what you want for your kids. Maybe you want that child that is like the, you know follows in line and is going to be that rule follower and that you know soldier in the army kind of thing. And so your vision for your kids, what are? Some others?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, I think something that we get to deal with all the time is your parent status, in terms of whether you are a married, single, divorced, you know whatever it is Like. I mean, if you have mom and dad in the home and everybody's thinking and operating from the same foundation, it's a whole lot different than if you have mom and dad in separate homes and have two different ways of living life. And so that marital status means a lot to governing your parenting style.
Speaker 2:And you mentioned foundation, and it also depends on what is your faith foundation. Are you kind of navigating with some kind of value system, faith foundation where you're going to go to God's word, or are you just going to go off the side, you know, fly off the seat of your pants and do whatever feels good, you know? So a foundation of faith or values is important and the last one that we're going to bring up here.
Speaker 1:Like it or not, we are emotional creatures as much as physical and spiritual, and so moods and emotions play a large, large role into how you're parenting in the moment, and so we're not asking you to get rid of your mood or emotion. What we're asking you to do is are you aware of it? Do you realize what it's actually doing with how you're parenting? So those are going to be the big things that we tackle, and hopefully we can help you steer through them.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I want to give you a little acronym for that mood thing, hun, because we see this with anything, with whether or not how we parent, or how we respond to our spouse, or how we show up at work, and I use that acronym HALTS, okay, halts H-A-L-T, and so when you find yourself HALTS with an S in one of these situations, okay, one H is hungry, okay.
Speaker 1:That's bad. Yeah, you're not going to make good decisions.
Speaker 2:A is angry. You know, did they just wreck your car? Did they just show up late? You know you're probably going to parent out of an emotion there. A or L is lonely. So if you are a single parent and you're desperate for somebody or you want that your child to be your best friend because you don't have one lonely, kind of put you in a bad place. T is tired Okay. So if you work third shift and your child comes to you about something and you're ready to go to bed, tired is probably going to give you an emotional response. And then the S is stress. What's the level of stress? And it might not have anything to do with your child or your parenting situation. But if there's outside stress maybe there's a health issue, maybe there's bankruptcy or whatever you're going to parent differently than if you are at level-headed and your emotions are in check. So just remember halts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all right. So we're going to walk through each of these. We're going to try to give you an example and the good and the bad of each one. Do yourself a favor, get yourself a little pencil or paper and kind of score yourself on these. Listen, I can find myself in each one of these at any given moment. So the idea here is trying to get rid of some of the bad and take on more of the good.
Speaker 2:These are the six common ones you've been hearing, and there's been a couple that have kind of rose to the top lately. We'll kind of identify, yeah, so here they are.
Speaker 1:It is we mentioned them before permissive parenting, neglectful parenting, gentle parenting, I add, actually guilty parenting. I'm not sure if I coined that phrase, but I've used it a long time, because I saw it in the schools many, many years ago Authoritarian parenting and authoritative. So those are going to be the ones we walk through. Maybe start us off a little bit with when you think of permissive parenting. What does that look like to you?
Speaker 2:What do you see when we Usually, like I said, it came from the extreme opposite of what you saw growing up, and so maybe you had maybe abuse in your home or control in your home, and so in your mind you're not going to do that with your kids and so you kind of let them run rampant, do what they want right Right. No rules, you know they'll figure it out. I hear that a lot, you know, just very lenient, whatever they want.
Speaker 1:Um uh, yeah, it just uh parents are a lot of times.
Speaker 2:Either they're tired or they're too distracted with other things, or they just have that laid back attitude. But permissive parenting doesn't end well uh, some examples that some really simple examples that you see.
Speaker 1:These would be the parents that seldom have a bad, a bad time. They could be the neglectful, but a lot of times it's like well, if you're not tired, honey, you don't have to go to sleep. It could be the ones who say well, if you don't want to eat what we're having for dinner can? I get you. So it's that whole giving into whatever the child wants to make them happy in the moment.
Speaker 2:Their phone, their phone. You give them a phone. There's no rules, there's no limits, you're just kind of like you know, hey, they'll figure it out. You know, I did, I figured it out. And so this permissive parenting hun, what's the impact that that has?
Speaker 1:yeah, so guys, just so you know, like these are actually the, the impact results that we see when we see excessive permissive parenting. We see kids that lack self-control, right they? Another word to think. I always put this word in self-discipline discipline, right? So there's not the discipline going on, so they never learned to self-discipline, so they don't learn to regulate themselves well, whatever they want, they want and they just think it's well, it's natural.
Speaker 2:And you think that it would be the opposite. You'd think that they would learn self-control if no one's controlling them. But we've got to model that, and we talked about seasons of parenting In the leadership season, which is that 3 to 12-ish kind of age, we've got to lead through modeling and we've got to show them. This is the limit. We don't stay up all night, we don't eat whatever we want, and so we brush our teeth right. And if we don't show them, they don't really know what to go by.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. With certain kids, hon, you might think, wow, permissive, that's great, I get to do whatever I want. That paralyzes some kids. That's like going to McDonald's and saying you can have anything you want on the menu and one kid might go that's cool, and they go through quickly and they figure it out. Other kids are paralyzed. They're like I don't even know where to begin and so decision making anxiety from having to make decisions because they don't want to make a mistake. And so with certain kids, permissive parenting actually can be debilitating.
Speaker 2:You know, I think of it as going up a mountaintop, OK, with no guardrails.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And how anxious you feel when you're taking those tight curves and there is this cliff on the other side. That's kind of what you're doing with permissive there's no guardrails.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:There's no limits, and so it builds anxiety and insecurity because they really don't know what should they be doing, and so it creates more anxiety. Mom and dad, more than you think with permissiveness, yeah.
Speaker 1:Let's move on to neglectful parenting.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right. So neglectful parenting right. So neglectful parenting is exactly as you think it sounds. These are just uninvolved parents, detached. Oftentimes you think of this as a dad who's left the family and not involved at all. Right, but it could be parents who are actually in the home, but they're still neglectful. They're busy doing their own thing, right? Their work schedule dictates, their hobbies dictate their interests. All of these things are way more important, and so they just don't put a lot of time in and investing in their own kids. So it's a little bit like all the kids will figure it out, like you saw with the permissive, but it's just being very disengaged.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not even really intentional, it's more because I can't handle it. A lot of times these are addiction issues, mental health issues. Maybe mom is bipolar, or dad's schizophrenic, or mom's an alcoholic or dad is an addict, and so because of that, they're kind of just left to fend for themselves. And again, what's the impact with that hon?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, a lot of times you will see these kids. The teacher will spot them pretty quickly, the teacher in the classroom setting, because they'll see that this kid might be a little bit unkept physically, but this will be the kid who doesn't get homework finished, that forgets to bring a lot of things in, that just is always disshuffled. And it's really because you know when, especially when the kids are young, they need a little bit of that guidance. Hey, do you have my mom?
Speaker 2:books, papers, lunches, monies and whatnot Do you kids?
Speaker 1:have everything together before you walk out the door and so it just takes a little bit of that and that neglectful parent that kid's there to fend for himself. Some kids will bring it up and do it Like. Some kids will be like, well, no one ever did it for me, so I have to do it. But the majority of the kids will actually find himself becoming very anxious, oftentimes having anxiety issues as they get older drug issues.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sometimes they're drinking and smoking weed with their parents.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just how they can kind of soothe the anxiety that has reared up in them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so again, that extreme of neglectful parenting would be abusive. Okay, whether it be because they're totally leaving their child at age two to go the gambling boat or whatever. So obviously there's extremes to all of these, but the extreme neglectful obviously would be claimed abusive.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So let's talk about gentle parenting Gentle parenting, this just sounds like it should be so good.
Speaker 1:I don't know exactly when gentle parenting started being thrown around as a phrase. I would say we've heard it more in the last 10 years. You and I have talked before. We've seen the roots of this go back probably 30 or so years, and this just sounds good on its surface. This is that idea of you're loving, you're supportive, you discipline only through. You wouldn't even use the word discipline. You would correct and direct only in the positive.
Speaker 2:So you don't use terms like no's and negatives.
Speaker 1:Right, honey? Is there a better way to hit your?
Speaker 2:little brother in the face. It's all carrots and no sticks.
Speaker 1:It's all carrots and no sticks is the way we would like to put that, and so it sounds good on its surface, but I've always gone back to the idea of God gave us pain receptors and pleasure receptors for a reason, and both of them are very, very powerful teaching tools. And when we just say we're going to stay in the pleasure receptors, we really lose a great opportunity. Because here's the bottom line Life is going to use both of those.
Speaker 2:No one's going to save you from the pain in life, and so it's very important that you don't get stuck just in gentle parenting and we're not talking about stick as in beating the child, okay, necessarily, stick is kind of just a reference of consequences, right Pain. So whether it be timeouts or grounding or anything like that, it could be involved spanking. We're not saying you can't, I'm saying that we need to do it in the right way and the right time. But gentle parenting would say none of that is okay, not even saying no. So, what's the impact, hon, of just strictly doing gentle parenting?
Speaker 1:Initially you will see kids appear very secure, peaceful, like it's all good until the ship starts to rock.
Speaker 1:In other words, until things don't go their way, and so that's why this can be a little bit misleading, like we'll see this kid being seem like, oh, they're just a really good kid, everything's good. But they will be that way because really we've taken away all of the bumps in the road until life just starts to put bumps in your road. And so, um, initially you're going to see kids that seem to be doing pretty well, but then, when they finally had to make a decision on what they're going to major in in school, or they're going to study for a big test and they failed the test, like how well they can actually own the hurt of that and get through it. So, um, and this is where you'll start to see anxiety kick back up, You'll actually see yourself as the parent, having to come and soothe them or rescue them or rescue them past an appropriate age and time to do that.
Speaker 1:So the next thing you know, you know your kid's 30 years old and you're still holding their hand because they're not able to do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and this is also where we see a lot of folks really adhere to the family bed where they could be 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years old and they're still sleeping with mom and dad or laying in their room because you know you don't want to have them go back to bed. They're scared or they're you know they don't want to. And so, again, it's not just the permissiveness, it's the gentleness of loving. It sounds so good, but we actually are creating more anxiety because we don't help our kids stand on their own two feet and be able to handle adversity and struggles and pain.
Speaker 2:And no's, because they're going to come. They're going to come from life right and school and coaches and work. And so, mom and dad, please. It sounds so good but it definitely sets our kids up for failure and for anxiety and feeling insecure that they can't do it on their own. Yeah, and it's all carrots, it's all rewards and no consequences.
Speaker 1:Let's move to the next style, and this would be what we refer to as guilty parenting. Generally speaking, we think of guilty parenting, or the one that we most often see. It is when we have a divorce situation and rather than the two parents coming together and saying, okay, even though we're divorced, how are we going to come together to make sure our kid has kind of an equal understanding of values and disciplines and those kinds of measures? And so, um, when we have this guilty parenting, one parent feels bad about the situation their kid is in, and so they tend to be more permissive. Uh, they, they let things slide that they wouldn't if they were in a regular two-parent family. A little bit more indulgent. Listen, when I'm with dad, he doesn't make me go to bed on time or any time you know.
Speaker 1:So we overindulge, we give more permission because we feel bad about the situation.
Speaker 2:that we put the kids in, yeah, and again you could be coming out of the same home. But you mentioned guilty parenting for me a little bit.
Speaker 2:You know, our three youngest came from the foster care system, and so there are times where I feel bad for their situation and what they've been through, and so sometimes I would make decisions out of feeling guilty for them or feeling responsible that you know I'm scarring them or whatever, and so we got to be careful that we raise children um and make decisions based on what's best for them, not how that makes us feel or how that makes them feel, it's what's the best healthy option for them.
Speaker 1:A little caveat to guilty parenting. We talked about it being with divorce, but we've also seen it in situations where there could be illness in the family.
Speaker 1:Maybe you have a kid who you know they were diagnosed with cancer when they were young and so you went through the long, hard battle and finally your kid is healthy. And now you feel bad that they missed out on everything and you you know you've overindulged them with, whether material things or attention or whatever. You've overindulged them with whether material things or attention or whatever, and it feels right in the moment to help get that kid through that difficult time.
Speaker 2:But you got to start to recognize, well, what's this doing for the long haul? Or a spouse or another child was sick and so you feel guilty that you're not there. Even two parent home or working parents have felt this guilty parenting like, oh my gosh, I was gone all day. They're in child care so, yeah, they can eat ice cream for dinner every night. So, whatever that is and whatever that reason behind your decision, please make sure it's not done out of guilt.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's move on to the next one. So the next one is one that you and I see a lot, and this would be the one that both you and I have found to be in our repertoire of things.
Speaker 1:We have fallen into, grew up in yeah, and this is the authoritarian, authoritarian parenting, and so the authoritarian, I think, one word that I would give you to allow you to quickly kind of assimilate what that is in your head is dictator, right, and so this is that non benevolent that just like because I said so. So you tend to see a lot of heavy rules that are set, lots of threats tends to be with I'll even use the word yelling or screaming, cursing these kinds of things. So there's almost a meanness to it. Okay, but what lacks is there's not very good and proper enforcement, right, it's sporadic, it's more mood based. So there's a lot of yelling and screaming up front, a lot of these empty threats, and it doesn't take long for the kid to start to realize.
Speaker 1:You know, you used to scare me but, now I know that you're not going to follow through.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and so the authoritarian um is a lot of yelling a lot of threats, like you mentioned, and, um, I saw that in my mom a little bit, but I also had a dad that was authoritative, and so when it's combined with something, it can be kind of you know, um, controlled, but this is um you want is you want to scare them.
Speaker 2:You want to scare them into doing the right thing, and what happens is they just get sneakier, and so we don't want that either, and so I have fallen into this. I have fallen into this where you know it's my way or the highway, and because I want that control. I'm a big control person, and so letting go of control is very hard for me, and allowing children to have natural consequences for their decision is really hard for me. So that's where I need to get better.
Speaker 1:Well, this would be hon, like you and I both felt guilty because you don't want your kid in a bad place, and so you talk them to death. You talk like, maybe if I just say it one more time they'll finally get it, and they just aren't right. And so, rather than continuing to talk like maybe if I just say it one more time they'll finally get it, and they just aren't right. And so, rather than continuing to talk it, we really just need to set the stage for what we expect and then allow the natural consequences to happen with our enforcing of those consequences. And so the authoritarian really does not want bad things to happen, but they're just so scared. They're scared of how they're going to hold up, they're scared for the kid that they they almost in this desperation you can feel it in their voice Like you, just like I don't know what else I can say to you. You've got to do this. You're like, uh, this isn't working.
Speaker 2:So the impact could be children raised by authoritarian parents have become rebellious, withdrawn or even aggressive and angry. Right, they could struggle with self-esteem and social skills, and so you don't want to raise that kind of child that are scared of you or they just kind of get kind of rebel against you. We want to finally follow into this last category and we're saving the best for last, because we feel and the research tells us that, full of grace, full of truth, right To not do just carrot or just stick, because I would say authoritarian is more just the stick, right.
Speaker 1:The threat of the stick. The threat of the stick.
Speaker 2:So again, we're not talking about hitting people with a stick, we're talking about consequences. So we got to have a balance. It's depending on age especially, too, like a three-year-old versus a 13-year-old. You're going to go a little bit heavier on one end versus the other. So let's talk about the authoritative parenting style.
Speaker 1:Yeah so the authoritative, they set clear expectations. Okay, and the only way you can set a clear expectation is if you've already created the vision for where you're going. And so, by the nature of being authoritative, you are a good natural leader, okay, and so you have a vision for where you want to go, in this case, where you want to take the family as a parent Okay, so you've set these expectations, you provide the pathway for the kids to get there. So, hey, you know, if you do this and this, this is what's going to get you here, right, and so you, you help them, you encourage them, right, um, you, you want them to be independent, in other words. So I'm not going to go hold your hand.
Speaker 1:I think of this on a lot of times with our, our kids doing homework where we have parents who basically end up doing all of the kids homework because, um, the kid doesn't want to do it, and so these they don't want to see him fail.
Speaker 1:They don't want to see him fail, right. But an authoritative parent says, hey, listen, buddy, what do you have for homework today? Let's go through. We'll do a couple review problems, all right. And so, all right, you know what you're supposed to do. I'll be back in 20 minutes and then we can correct it or grade it or check it or whatever we need to do, but you're going to walk on your own, all right, I'm just going to be there as a supporting cast member.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hebrews 12, verses 10 through 11, says God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful later on. However, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. This is biblical people, god tells us over and over again. There's also a verse in proverbs that talks about that too is that the one to spare the rod?
Speaker 1:yeah yeah, which we've talked about before. Like again, so often, we get words or scripture that's just taken totally out of context. You know, um that particular scripture, let me find it. It says who this is a 1324, whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Speaker 1:And the idea there is. You, uh, you get those positive affirmations, those positive reinforcements when those are what it's called for, but you also allow your kid to experience the natural consequences for their bad decisions, for their mistakes that they've made. But you don't just leave the kid hanging there, right? You don't just beat the kid, right. You don't just spank the kid, you don't just give the kid a consequence and let them hang there. Through that you actually then okay. So what did we learn?
Speaker 2:from this. What's the better way going forward? Yeah, and so what you happens? The impact with children who are raised by authoritative parents. They seem well-adjusted, confident, successful. They're able to handle hard things right. The first storm doesn't take them out.
Speaker 1:That's right, and they're not.
Speaker 2:You know. You might have heard of snowflakes. We're creating snowflakes. You might have heard of snowplow parenting. You know bulldozing, where we just kind of take out any obstacle in their way. They're more likely to have strong self-esteem because they've overcome difficulties on their own.
Speaker 2:They find themselves having good social skills because you've stepped back and allowed them to kind of lead the way and they have this academic achievement. That is them, not you. I remember my mom actually read books for me and did book reports because I didn't like to read and so she kind of like tried to save me, she rescued me and it didn't help me build my confidence in reading. I felt like she kind of stepped in there. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So you know, at the end of the day, guys, we are through our work. We see authoritative parenting as being the number one way that we're trying to grasp hold of and practice. We also know that the research indicates and shows that to be true. So what we would say to this guys is first off, recognize what you tend towards, right, recognize what you tend towards. Linda and I both kind of sacrificed our own in front of you. We said, well, we tend towards, not as much grace as truth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the authoritarian, and a lot of that has to do with just our own fears, our own insecurities, maybe what we were brought up with, all these things. But if I know where I tend to, then I can start to see okay, what do I need to redirect. So I'll go back to the idea of gentle parenting. Not all of the attributes of gentle parenting are bad right. Like there's positive reinforcement there there's encouragement those aren't bad right. Like there's positive reinforcement there there's encouragement, those aren't bad right. It's just that if that's the only thing that's used, then we actually give our kids a very, very jaded sort of way of how life comes about. So we're trying to actually say, okay, what's the best way moving forward so that my kid has a well-rounded upbringing in terms of how they're going to handle life.
Speaker 2:Again, I mentioned it before but Jesus came on this earth full of grace, full of truth. He modeled for us how to do both, how to have those rewards and that encouragement, but also those consequences and hard things. And so let's do that. Let's go out and be that model for our kids and other parents and really honestly find ourselves not having to rescue or jump in, but to equip our kids so that they can live these well-ad. The one right.
Speaker 1:He was the leader, he was the truth right, and so he didn't have to yell it and scream it and threaten people with it. He would basically say well, here's what's going to happen.
Speaker 2:And he would lay out the path.
Speaker 1:And then he always gave the free will of people to say you make your choice right, but this is how things are going to actually take place. So I just think you know he's the perfect example of how we are to parent our own kids, and we're not going to be perfect at it, but he is what we're shooting for in terms of the high bar.
Speaker 2:So hopefully this helps. If you are a parent and you're struggling with one of the other styles that has not been working for you, reach out to us at rocksolidfamiliesorg. We have a contact button there you can reach out that way. You can find us on social media Facebook, instagram, linkedin, all of those places. We also have a weekly podcast, rock Solid Families podcast, as well as your biweekly Strong Dads podcast, and so hopefully those are just tools that help you as parents Because, like I said, we've said we don't have all the answers, we don't get it right all the time. Our emotions play into it. We get tired, we get frustrated, but that's where grace comes in and.
Speaker 2:God loves us and walks alongside us, so if there's anything that we can do to help, please reach out.
Speaker 1:Hun, something came to mind as you were just talking. Like you said, if your way is not working, I want to put a little note on that. Based off of where you are in the time frame, the season of your parenting, you may believe that your parenting style is working. But we want to mark out like, if you are really into the gentle parenting and you're doing this with a third or fourth or a three or four or five year old, it may, on its surface, seem to be working. What we're trying to get you to realize is that understand. This is the reason why we told you what the impacts are going to be, what what it's going to, the outcome is going to be. So now is the time to start the shift into understanding what else you need to bring in besides just that gentle parenting.
Speaker 2:So it might be working right now but it doesn't mean it's going to and we've done the seasons of parenting. Might even want to Google or search for us on the seasons of parenting, cause we talked about that in another podcast on our style of parenting and not our style. But but what we do in the parenting realm has to change based on their age.
Speaker 1:The season that they're in, the season that they're in, so hopefully that helps.
Speaker 2:Again, reach out to us if you need any help at rocksolidfamiliesorg, or you can call 812-576-7625.
Speaker 1:All right. We also want to thank Maxwell Construction, casey's Outdoor Solutions and the Hoosier Ice House for being sponsors of the Rock Solid Families podcast. I think that's all we've got.
Speaker 2:So thank you so much for listening to the Rock Solid Families podcast. Building a stronger community, one family at a time.
Speaker 1:Make it a great day rock solid families wants to thank casey's outdoor solutions for sponsoring the rock solid families podcast. Casey's has grown to be one of the largest and most unique garden centers and gift shops in the cincinnati tri-state area. Whether you are looking to take on that next landscape project or simply add a little home decor to your house, casey's help you add beauty to your home. Rock solid families wants to thank maxwell construction for sponsoring the rock solid families podcast. For over 30 years, maxwell Construction has been a leader in turning dreams into realities building schools, banks, restaurants and many other commercial and public facilities. Maxwell Construction has made it their priority to not just build buildings but to build into their community. So if you have any construction needs, call them at 812-537-2200.
Speaker 2:Rock Solid Families would like to thank Hoosier Ice House for being a proud sponsor of the Rock Solid Families podcast. In the heart of historic Lawrenceburg, Indiana, the Ice House is at the corner of Vine and High Streets. The historic building evokes a feeling of comfort, with spacious indoor and outdoor dining, a large bar and comfortable dining areas Large enough to host parties, yet intimate enough to feel like your favorite neighborhood restaurant. So thank you again for the Hoosier Ice House for sponsoring the Rock Salad Families podcast.