ANNNNNNNNNNNNNND WE’RE BACK! Welcome to the first episode of the Mind School Podcast for 2024. Bre is back with some interesting personal insights after a month off and invites you to reflect on how you felt over the break. She encourages you to determine whether those feelings align with how you want to run your business / tackle your goals this year.
That's not the topic of the episode though! This week, Bre is chatting about building confidence, self-trust, power + conviction and how it's not THAT important…
Tune into hear her discuss:
✨ Waiting to feel confident before taking action – newsflash it doesn’t work that way
✨ Small steps towards a big scary goal is what creates confidence
✨ Holding your own during the phases of awkwardness
✨ Let’s unpack where your actual fear is rooted so you can resolve it
Such a powerful reminder at the start of a new year! We hope you take some juicy nuggets from this one fam. Let us know by taking a screenshot and tagging @iambreannamay on IG.
If you would like to apply for 1:1 coaching, you can do so here!
ANNNNNNNNNNNNNND WE’RE BACK! Welcome to the first episode of the Mind School Podcast for 2024. Bre is back with some interesting personal insights after a month off and invites you to reflect on how you felt over the break. She encourages you to determine whether those feelings align with how you want to run your business / tackle your goals this year.
That's not the topic of the episode though! This week, Bre is chatting about building confidence, self-trust, power + conviction and how it's not THAT important…
Tune into hear her discuss:
✨ Waiting to feel confident before taking action – newsflash it doesn’t work that way
✨ Small steps towards a big scary goal is what creates confidence
✨ Holding your own during the phases of awkwardness
✨ Let’s unpack where your actual fear is rooted so you can resolve it
Such a powerful reminder at the start of a new year! We hope you take some juicy nuggets from this one fam. Let us know by taking a screenshot and tagging @iambreannamay on IG.
If you would like to apply for 1:1 coaching, you can do so here!
Hello, welcome back. Hello and happy 2024 I am so excited to be here. It's been a hot fucking minute, it's been a month, since I've recorded and I have never gone so long between recording I've never taken, I've never taken more than a week off, I believe I could be wrong, but maybe a week or two ever since in the whole time that this podcast has been around, and we're up to nearly 200 episodes. So that's a lot of podcasting. And to have a month off, I just feel so much I want to talk about I've just spent today, all day actually sprawled out like a crazy person with my files on my laptop, and my microphone and my pencils, and my big a three butcher paper. And there's just so much that I want to talk about, I actually wrote like the whole curriculum today, the whole curriculum outline for the main school method. And there's so much exciting stuff happening, I have sort of alluded to the MindScape method on the pod in the last few episodes, but there will be more coming about that. So this is just today, I actually have an episode that I want to talk to you about. And you can see from the title, it's all about building confidence and self trust and power and conviction and everything you need to really go big and make everything happen. But before I dive into that, I actually wanted to just share a little bit of a life update and the lessons that have come from it. And also just my experience from taking a month off. I know that this is a very privileged position to be in, I'm aware of the fact that I'm very blessed. And also not lucky, I will never use the word lucky, I've worked really, really hard to be in a position where I can have a month off and it doesn't impact my income. It doesn't impact my business. It doesn't impact my clients, my clients listening. And everyone who I worked with before 2024, we were very, very clear on what was their strategy moving forward, what were they going to execute while I took a month off, my clients don't need me we don't have codependent relationships. And I'm really, really proud of that. And so it's been really cool to take a month off without having to worry. And like I said, that's something I've worked really hard for, it's been quite intentional. And I'm really, really blessed and grateful to be in that position. However, even though and you might resonate with this, even though it sounds really lovely, like, Oh, I get to have a month off, I'm going to be with my family, I'm going to like do all of these things, I'm going to go to the beach, I'm not going to be on my laptop, I'm not going to take my phone, all of these different things that sounds really fun. It sounds really like expansive and abundant and all of these things, but actually, I would ask you listening, if INRIA reality, the thought of switching off and not being productive and getting nothing done and not looking at your to do list would actually bring up any kind of feelings for you. And I asked this because it definitely has for me in the past and I work with lots of clients who, generally speaking are quite high achieving are quite used to being in there Go Go Go energy, they used to being in their heads, they used to being very productive. That's how they get shit done. They love that feeling. And so sometimes for myself included, taking time off and not being productive is actually where the growth is because it's the thing that's uncomfortable. It's the thing that actually takes a bit of deprogramming and relaxing out of that can be a bit of a process. And I understand if anyone listening resonates with that and goes, Oh, God, I hate you know, we think we want time freedom we think we want all of you know, we want to have these long morning routines, or we want to have freedom to create our own days or whatever. But my question to you is, can you actually handle the feeling of being unproductive? Even right now? Even right now with wherever you're at in your life? Can you? Can you actually switch off? Can you be present now? Can you take time to actually switch off and get out of your head because if you can't now you're not going to be able to later even though you say you want more time freedom. If you can't master it now, you're never going to have time freedom. Because even when you have it, you're going to feel really stressed because mentally you'll be thinking about other things that you could be doing, you'll be in a guilt cycle. And you won't actually ever have true freedom because your internal space will be a little bit of like a corporal. Like, it's like you've got this corporal in your mind that screaming at you to be productive and do more and get shit done. And so you're never going to have actual freedom internally. And so that's just one thing that I think is a really cool thing to think about. And just on that with everything. Also bring your awareness to when we are deprogramming or I'm training or unlearning a piece of us that has been heavily conditioned. Say for example, something like this where we want to go from go Go Go Go Go boys in our masculine Holy shit, I don't know how to stop to fully slow down present, knowing how to relax knowing how to switch off knowing how to create space. Sometimes what we do when we're trying to change or transition or evolve in some way is we completely pendulum swing. And we sort of live between extremes. So either full go or full sloth mode, but not knowing how to sort of oscillate between the two. So let me give you a practical example. When I first left my teaching career, and I started my full time business, I was so deeply in my like, go go go energy, and my whole life was regimented, as in turn by term, week by week, day, by day, almost every hour was accounted for, like I had a 10 minute buffer between things that it was like, okay, alarms on five past 10 past, I'm at the gym, from the gym, straight to school, from school, straight to co curricular and co curricular straight to marketing for marketing, get dinner on Don't, don't, don't don't on weekends, blah, blah, like it was so regimented. And I actually thrived in that sort of for a while, I thrived for quite some time, and I did really well. And I was very productive, and I was loving it. And then too much of that energy, because everything must exist in balance, right? Like there's always checks and balances in nature. And it's the same with us. Too much of that. Eventually, I started to burn out, I started to lose momentum, it didn't feel good anymore. And then what happened when I left is that I went complete pendulum swing, and I completely rebelled against any form of structure. I rebelled against planning, I rebelled against anyone telling me where I needed to be and what time I wanted everything to be slow. And I got really good at that kind of until all of a sudden, too much of that was like holy shit. I don't know what ways up. I don't know if I'm Arthur, or Martha, what day is it? Where am I meant to be, and I wasn't productive, and there was too much of that energy. And so having the awareness of both and understanding and experiencing both is really great, because it allows us to embody both, but what we want to do is begin to see where one one energy or one mindset or one behaviour is probably being overdone, and where we can start to implement and integrate both. So that were in energetic harmony, so that we've got our own checks and balances so that we've got our own sort of way of just bringing everything into neutrality and balance. And so this was just one of the sort of reflections I had, while I took a month off was that I could see, when I had started to feel like, okay, I've had enough time off, I actually can see how if this was to be prolonged for any longer, it would no longer feel good, and it would start to feel really bad. And so it's just even that reflection for myself personally, of knowing I can have time off, and it can feel really good. But there's always a point where it actually feels no good anymore. And everyone will have different points. And it's just bringing awareness to what do you need to do, first of all, to bring those energies into harmony so that you can be more sustained in whatever it is that you're doing. But also, watching when too much of anything is never a good thing and just preventing that. So that might mean okay, you might know that you've got about eight weeks of hustle in you, and then you need to stop and really reprioritize that chill time. Or it might mean that you're the kind of person who loves to have a really, really structured life, but you love to have your afternoons free or your nights off. It's just really checking yourself so that you can watch where one thing no longer is helpful. And you need to bring everything back into balance. And that was just like I said something that I thought about when I was when I took that month off. Is that okay? I think that two or three weeks is probably good for me. And that's just a nice new piece of awareness really. And so, with that said, massive big rant and introduction, there were 10 minutes, but that was a nice little mini training. Let me know if you got something from the intro there fam. I want to go into something that I've noticed in the online space and a lot of the sort of mindset world in the coaching industry. And even when I read a lot of one on one coaching applications, and when I have conversations with my clients, there is a lot of talk and you've heard the buzzwords like and you know how important it is. It's so important that we have confidence. It's so important that we have self trust. It's so important that we have our own internal power and conviction in whatever it is our messages or conviction in our abilities conviction in our message conviction in our desires conviction that everything can and will happen for you. It's so important that we have these things and I'm going to contradict myself here because also what this has done this For over, over importance on having these things I've noticed is making people stop taking action because they're waiting until they have the confidence. They're waiting until they have the self trust. They're waiting until they feel that internal power, they're waiting until they feel convicted to make a move. And how will you know if you've gotten caught in this complete paradox. And this complete, flawed way of thinking is that you might find you say things like, Oh, I just don't feel confident enough to do that yet. Or you might be dumbing yourself down and playing really, really small and stepping back from the things that you know you should be doing to take you towards where you're going. You might be someone who's watching other people go and do all of these big scary things. Or maybe you're just watching people seem to have all of this success. And you're thinking, they're just so confident, I wish I could do that. Or how do I wish I could have that amount of power or trust or whatever it is? Or maybe you're asking your mentor, your coach, how can I build myself trust? How can I build more confidence, maybe you read all the books about confidence, maybe you've got something you want, but you feel too nervous to do it. All of this usually sort of highlights that you are waiting to feel confident you are waiting to feel a certain way before you take action. And that is absolutely flawed thinking, How do you feel secure? How do you feel safe? How do you feel trust? How do you feel power? How do you feel conviction? How do you feel confident and competent in something is that you do it when you feel none of those things. So let me give you a practical example. I am fully convicted, that I can drive a manual car without stalling. Actually, as I should have chosen a different example, it's been a while since I drove a manual car, but you get my drift, see what I do there Catch my drift. So I do I fully trust that I can drive a manual car, I believe, with a certain level of conviction and authority that I can he'll start, I'm convicted, that I can take any manual car and get from A to B. But what got me to that level of trust and power and conviction and confidence was that I learned to do it, I did the thing. Without the feeling of confidence and trust and conviction and power. I did it when I did the action without feeling the end result, the end results come from doing the thing without the feeling that you want. So when you're saying I don't have the confidence to do the thing yet, so I won't do the thing. It's completely backwards. When you're saying I don't have the self trust, or the internal power and so I won't do it, what you're doing is you're gonna you're literally setting up a behaviour pattern, you're literally setting up a process where you need to wait for an end result feeling to do the thing to give you the end result. Let me say that again, you're waiting for the end result feeling. So when you go through the actions, the end result is that you will feel confident when you go through the actions. The end result is that you will trust yourself. When you go through the actions. you the end result is that you will feel convicted and you will feel safe and you will feel powerful. When you go through the actions you feel those end result feelings. But you are waiting until you feel those end result feelings to take the first step at the beginning. How are you going to feel those end result feelings if you haven't yet done the work to feel the things. And so we have this back to front idea that like oh, I need all this self trust to be able to do the thing. And don't get me wrong. Yes, it's important that you've got self trust and confidence and belief. But can you do things even without any of those feelings? Can you still do the actions? Anything that you currently feel confident in anything that you currently feel a certain level of conviction or power came from you doing things when you didn't feel those things? It was the absence of confidence and the repetitive action that gave you the end result of confidence. So we need to stop saying how do I build more confidence? How do I build more self trust? The question is, what do you need to do to get that at the end? It's not something you have in the beginning. When you watch a child like we really have forgotten how the learning process goes down. Think about a child it's so much when you look at it through the lens of learning and a child's learning. It just makes so much more sense. But for some reason, as adults, we forget that the basics of learning. When you watch a child learn to read, would they be able to confidently say, Oh yeah, I can read that Harry Potter book. They're in year one. They're just learning. No, they go in stages. As they don't feel confident at all, they don't have any conviction in their reading skills, they don't have any internal power, they wouldn't be able to stand. They're fully convicted in their self trust and be like, I know that I can read that Harry Potter book, no way. But what happens all of a sudden, they get to year three, or four or five, and they're reading Harry Potter books, and they're fully convicted that I can read and they're fully excited. And they trust that I can take out this book from the library, and I can pick a book from this basket, and I know that I'll be able to read it. How did they get there is that they repetitively did the action of learning, of getting things wrong, of doing things, again, of going up slightly a stage and then maybe fumbling a bit, and then going up a little bit more, and then to the next stage, and then maybe getting some support and asking for help. And then over time, this person, this child is a pretty confident reader. Did they wait to feel confident to learn to read? No, they did it and they repeated it. And they repeated it, and they repeated it. And the end result was confidence. And so while I love the conversation, and to some extent, I'm probably responsible for a lot of the conversation around self trust, and, and all of those things, because self trust is fucking important. Let's not get it twisted. However, can you rely on the trust that even though I don't know what I'm doing, even though I don't feel confident, even though I'm not feeling convicted, or in my power, I'm going to do the action pieces, I'm going to continuously repeat the behaviours that are going to enable me to then feel the confidence, trust yourself that you can hold yourself in the fumbling stage. Trust yourself that you can do it, even though you don't feel how you want to feel right now. So what this really comes back to is, again, like everything, it's like building our emotional capacity to hold the awkwardness to hold the fumbles to hold the feeling like a dickhead hold the oh my god, I don't know what I'm doing. And that is actually where a lot of us don't know how to handle it. Because of all the underlying stuff that might be going on. Because we're not afraid, let's, let's really look at this. And this is where I'm gonna ask you to unpack a little bit further. So bring into your awareness. What is the thing you're holding back on? Where is it that you're saying, I'll wait until I feel more confident, I'll wait until I blur, or wait until I'm more convicted? I'll wait until I have a wet black. Insert whatever your story is, what is the thing that you're not doing? Because you don't yet feel how you believe you're meant to feel? Now, if you were confident, convicted in your power, safe, all those things, if you were feeling those things, what actions would you constantly take? What actions would would you consistently do? How would that person even if you think of someone who is fully convicted and in their power and confident in the thing that it is you are aiming towards? What kind of actions does that person take in the beginning to get there? How did they get to that level? What actions did they repeatedly do? to land them in the end result feeling? Now, you're probably going to have a couple of action steps or behaviours that you will need to do. Let's just take it back to the driving thing. Let's say I was okay, I would probably get in my car for an hour a day and learn how to do hill starts, for example, or I would actually get in my car every single day and learn how to reverse park. Still, honestly not very good at that unless I've got a reverse camera. Don't I'm not a good driver. I'm just going to be honest. That's not a limiting belief. That's a fact. So if I was someone who wanted to be a confident manual driver, I would repeatedly get in the car and drive the manual. Am I actually afraid of the gear stick? driving a manual car is the gear stick that petrifies me? No, it is a fucking gear stick. It's a neutral thing. It is neutral. There's something else going on under it. That is where the fear is. It's not the action itself. The action itself is neutral. So let's say your thing is jumping on a live jumping on a live right but you're petrified. Jumping on a live the actual action is literally pressing a button on your phone and talking. And you can't tell me that you're not confident at those two things. It's pressing a button on your phone, you're doing a million times a day, and it's talking. You talk every single day. The action is not what you're afraid of. It's underneath. You're afraid of something else, and it's underneath the action that you're actually afraid you're afraid of. But when I do that people might judge me. Oh, but what if I actually do all the practice and my driving instructor fails me? What if I fail and I have to tell all the kids at school that I failed my first driving test. That is the fear it's not the action you're not afraid of the Action, you're afraid of something underneath it. And when you can look a little bit deeper, you can start to resolve that. And hint, it's the same way. Even when you find your underlying fear, even when you find your root cause, or the thing that's dragging you back, hint, it's the same thing, you're just going to have to do it anyway. You're just going to have to do it anyway. So you might be afraid of what people think of you. But can you be the person that does it anyway, so that over time through repetition, it becomes more comfortable for you, and you build your window of tolerance to that thing. And over time, you're not so afraid any more? And of course, yes, there's probably a little bit of support you could have, you could do a little bit of work with someone to uncover what's going on to release it from your body, all of those things. That's not for today's episode. But ultimately, what I'm getting at is that if you're holding back and you're waiting to feel a certain way, what we want to do is actually almost go into robot, neutralise it and think, Okay, if I were to feel confident, what would I be doing? And then we want to focus on the doing and not the feeling, the feeling is what you get after, but the doing is the first piece. So where are you not taking action? And what do you need to do right now. So that you can feel confident so that you can feel self trust. We've just got it a little bit backwards. And it's a conversation that I've just seen a lot online, like, you know, you need to build yourself trust, you need to build your confidence. And yes, that's important. But the way that you do that, ultimately is by doing things without that feeling. That that's it we've been focusing way too much on these are the things that we need to feel but actually, it's what do I need to do so that I get to be the beneficiary of those feelings at the end. So that is all from me today. Thank you for being back with me. I'm very excited to do 2024 with you, I hope you had a brilliant start to the year I am so excited to get back into an incredible year we've got level up coming up again soon, which is my signature programme. For a lot of this work really mindset work belief work subconscious reprogramming, designing your life with your values in mind, it is the number one cause to do really, if you need to understand yourself and want to come home to yourself and know what direction to go in and have all of the tools to programme your mind, your beliefs and your actions to get you there. That will be coming up soon. And I'm starting again with my one on one clients. I actually don't have any availability for one on one clients at the moment. However, if you want to pop yourself onto the waitlist, you can just apply to the link that's in my show notes and is in my Instagram. And that is about all for me. I'm off to the shop. So I'm gonna go get some food and do some meal prep. I love you and I'm so happy to be back SHARE this if it resonated. I would love to hear from you tag me so that we can have a chat and I can hear how this landed. Let me know what your action step is that you're going to do. And I will see you back here next week. Bye