Lessons from a homeless man on projections, judgments, simplicity & success 🍃👨

This week on the podcast Bre has her storyteller hat on and wants to share some insights inspired by a homeless man living in the park near her home. 

On a recent walk, she engaged in a conversation with the man and asked if he needed anything – blankets, pillows, food etc and not only was his answer was really surprising, it made Bre stop and think.

Tune in to hear her chat about:

⭐ Being jealous of the homeless man
⭐ A longing for simplicity
⭐ A reminder to check in on your desire for ‘all of the things’
⭐ Where are your projections skewing your view of things

Tune in to the whole episode for a reframe on success that will get your brain really ticking 🧠

LUL is currently open and if you didn't hear Bre's update earlier in the week it is the VERY LAST TIME she will be running it live. For details on how to jump into this round, click HERE.

Transcript

Ep 180- Lessons from a homeles... sucess  - 21_3_2024, 11.13 am

Thu, Mar 28, 2024 2:06PM • 21:20

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

live, people, fucking, walking, park, success, man, neighbourhood, homeless, chosen, projections, retirees, life, home, version, reminds, feel, lots, letting, assumptions

00:00

Hello you incredible legends Welcome back to the MindScape Podcast. Today is a story today is me going into storytelling mode and woven in through this story is a lot of insights, a lot of lessons a lot of ponderings which I've been having and I've been having this conversation with my husband for a couple years now and it came up again this week and I literally just got back from the park with my dog who oh my god guys, please tell me if you've got a dog do they ever learn to be better with walking next to on a lead? This is what we're working on at the moment stay by my fucking feet when we are walking I tried to run with him and so many times I've nearly booted him to the other side of the park because he just comes straight in front of my feet and I've got to like hold to a fucking stop straightaway put my knees out fucking either boot him or trip myself up. It's just the guys at work are working on the park at the moment. They're like doing the pavements. I swear they're watching me to cyclists poor pitch. This Burbage is not having a fun time on the walk. But we're getting there slowly. So I just got home from the walk. And I've been quite recently going there and taking first of all, I don't take my phone. So this is a new thing. I got into a habit of taking my phone when I was going walking. And what that did was I was actually replying to clients or I was I don't know making a reel or looking at my emails and it's like Brianna, you're out walking with your dog, leave your phone at home, have a look at the birds have a look at the pond, have a chat with all the oldies that are out walking their dogs, be present and leave it and I did that today. And I actually noticed a lot of creativity and ideas drop in and that's why I've come home to hit record. But also, I'm getting a lot of lessons and honestly, inspiration from the homeless man that lives at this park. So we live in a really beautiful neighbourhood like it's really hard to get into. We always joke that like someone's gonna die in this neighbourhood for you to get in. It's a lot of older people, it seems to be a lot of retirees. It's a very established estate. All the real estate agents when we started decided to move here we're like, oh, God, you want to get into the estate like good luck. And we wanted what we believe is the best house in the estate. So we were like Yelp, but it's very quiet. It's very beautiful. It's like a couple minutes back from the beach. It's really like I said lots of retirees. It's heavenly. And there is a park just behind our house where there's a pond and people Chuck laps. Usually when I say people, it's retirees. It's because there's a set of like retirement villages somewhere just around the corner. So there's a lot of oldies and they're walking their little poodles and convertibles and symbols in his happy place. And it's so funny. We joke that like we fit in so nicely here because people go to bed early. People are out walking their dog their little poodles like there's no riffraff and all the community talks to one another and takes in bins for each other and checks if there's any strange behaviour like it's just a really beautiful community of oldies and we bloody love it. I love oldies, that anyway. So there's this pond and this park where people are chucking bog laps and feeding the ducks and chatting to one another. And if you can get caught up with someone chatting, you know what retirees are like, this is the highlight of the day someone to talk to, sometimes you go for a quick little walk to get your steps in or to get the dog out. And it's like, oh, cool. We're here for another 20 minutes talking to Bob about whatever the hell Bob wants to talk about. It's quite nice. But anyway, you can paint a picture, right? And so this park that we go to off, I go there almost every day and Paul and I often build it into our routine. So we'll either go in the morning, and take Simba and take our coffees and set up the top of the hill and watch the sun come up, Paul, it's Paul's happy place. Or at the end of the day, sometimes we'll go for a bug lap and take Simba out, tie him and just sit there and you know, decompress or whatever. And so this is a really beautiful place. It's a really nice established neighbourhood. And there's a homeless man who is there. And when I say a homeless man who is there all the time, this is his park like it's his home. He seems to live there. We've been here for four years, and I've been observing and watching this homeless man for quite a while and I've actually gotten to know him and a lot of the residents have and this homeless man, when I say first of all, when I say this homeless, man, I want you just to check what's the instant image that comes to your mind? Like when I say there's a homeless man living in our park? What is that instant imagery that you see? What do you picture and to go one step further like what are your thoughts and feelings when I say a homeless dude like what are you picturing and don't be your love and light version? Allow your gnarly self to be honest, be fully honest, your gnarly self, your lower self the version of you that say like for me and full transparency for honesty here. Mine Generally when I think of a homeless person, I think dirty, I think, I think crossed the road, I think, Is this safe. I think math, I think drugs like this is. And again, I know that this isn't always the case. I know that that logic lalala I'm not trying to be the logical version, I'm being honest. first image that would pop to my head, if somebody said homeless person, that is the image I would see, based on my map of the world based on my upbringing, based on my version of reality, right, because we've all got different versions of reality, we've all got different perceptions, we've all got different maps of the world, my general, first thought or assumption, not the love and light, not the logic, not the good part of me. The automatic response is a little homeless person, and then it would probably be followed up with pity, like a little bit of sadness for that person. Like, ah, like, that's, that's sad, like I do usually have, it's either gross or sadness. It's just like, Oh, gross, but also fucking sad. Like, how did you end up like this? What happened in your life? Who did you grow up with? Do you have a drug addiction? Is there a mental health problem? Like, I'm really feeling sorry for this person. And I'm projecting usually a little bit of pity. And so when we first moved in, and I recognised after a few weeks or months, like, Oh, this guy actually lives here, poor guy. That's where my brain goes, like, I wonder if I can help. And so it was a while ago, now, quite some time ago, I was walking past him in the morning, and it was a little bit colder. And I said to him, like, Hey, how are you? Like, tried to sort of have a little bit of a conversation? And then I said, Hey, do you need anything? Can I get you rugs? Can I get your food? Can I get you pillows? Is there anything you need? Like, I'm so happy to help you. If you need anything, just please tell me. And he was just like, No, I'm good. I'm good. I've got everything I'm set up. And I was like, Oh, are you sure? Like, are you sure? Can I can I get you something? And he's like, No, I've got everything I need. I'm solid. And I was like, Huh. And then as I was walking around the park for the rest of that morning, I was just like, well, I just fully projected onto him. And of course, there's nothing wrong with asking if someone needs help. There's nothing wrong with that. But it was just really interesting that I just had this automatic assumption that this person was without something that this person was, you know, needed support that this person was like disempowered or hadn't chosen his path, or whatever it was, I just was like, Oh, that's really interesting. He seems really happy. He seems really intentional about the way he's living. He actually seemed so at peace, and just so yeah, no phase. No thanks. I've got everything I need. Have a great day. And I was like, okay, cool. And then I started really observing this guy and I have been over the years and this man like he is so clean shaven, he's always dressed really nicely. I started to realise he has these real, consistent routines. You can see in the morning that he's going about his morning routine, just as we would but out in the park. You know, he's got his brekkie he cooks up his breakfast, sometimes he's got some friends or family. I don't really know who they are. Sometimes people come and sit with him. He's got this morning ritual. And in the afternoon, when you walk past him in the elbow, he's in his deck charities usually reading a really fucking great book. Like I have to say he's got incredible taste in his books. Last week, I walked past and he was just Oh, and it was so interesting. And this is where I was like, wow, there is so many lessons here. So last week, or this week, I can't remember the last few days. Paul and I were doing a bit of a decompression lap. And just for some context, like Paul and I recently have both been working so hard, like intentionally and we've chosen we're in a bit of a season Paul's studying heaps he's working a different job that he just fucking frost but it is intense. Like it's very intense as in lots of trauma. Like yeah, it's a really intense career path and he loves it, but he's working really hard. He's studying really hard. He's holding lots of balls. He's seeing a lot of crazy hectic shit. I'm watching you know, all these different things, building the mind school, I've got fertility things going on medical things going on. I've had a person couple people pass away like, were just really well like everything and it's great. Like, we're also everything again, duality, like, life is brilliant. We've also got some really exciting things happen and we're celebrating lots and we've got so much exciting things but we're holding a lot and so on this particular day, we went for a walk and both of us were just like, whoa, like trying to you know, getting it all out decompressing talking about our day, just being outside taking a breather, and we walked past the homeless man, and we both said, I'm jealous. Jealous of this guy.

09:45

We walked past his under his tree. He's in his deck chair. He is so peaceful his reading of brass Courtney book. And he just looked so chilled so it pays him and we both Paul and I were like wow I feel a little bit jealous of this guy. And it was really interesting. We had the same thoughts when we got back from travelling on our first bike trip. So we cycled across Europe on our bikes, like literal, people often think that we mean like motorbikes. And we're like, no, no, like we cycled, it was a push bike. So we cycled across Europe on a push bike. And for those almost three months, we had fucko possessions. We had whatever we could carry on our bike. And that was the most peaceful, the most happy, the most present that I have ever felt in my life. And I remember when I came home, instantly, I walked into a huge big house. And I was like, why I feel overwhelmed. There's so much stuff. There's so many things, all of the tabs of open now every room's got something that needs to be done and need to do the dishes a lalalalala. And it just ramped back up. And when we were travelling those three months on a bike and living on a bike, we often talked about, wow, how simple. All we were really worried about and concerned with was have we got food in our tummy have we got shelter tonight. And that was pretty much it. If those needs were met, everything was like honestly such a bonus. Our dopamine was so re sensitised that everything was a bonus. Outside of our basic fundamental human needs. Like we had shelter, we had food, we were safe, we were good. And it was like the most simple way to live. And it closed so many tabs. And it reminded us a lot of what was important. And it just really highlighted or reinforced. This fast paced way of living with stuff and attachment. And doing things like all the time isn't always what creates this feeling of peace and joy. And of course, there's, you know, I'm not saying to go live in the extremes. But I'm just saying it's something to bring awareness to and to consistently remind ourselves of. And so it was super interesting. Last week, when both Paul and I looked at this homeless man, who we've come to know is very happy, is very content is from all accounts that we've you know, we've spoken to lots of different people, and he's good, he doesn't really ever want anything, lots of people have done the thing that I did, and you know, said, Is there any way I can help you? He's like, No, I'm good. I'm good. Thank you. Lots of people have great chats with him. Talk about what books he's reading. He's just such a great dude. And so content, so happy. And honestly, I feel like so wise, I feel like he's really wise. And obviously, I'm filling in gaps here and making lots of assumptions. But what I've been able to deduct is that he's consciously chosen to live here, he's really happy with his choices. He's got everything he needs, he seems very contented. He seems very happy, he doesn't want anything else. And I actually had a conversation with him. I said to him, mate, I think sometimes that you've got it right, we all need to take a leaf out of your book, like when I got home from Europe and realised how fucking simple life was and how present I was and how happy I felt with just the bare essentials, and really letting that be everything I need and letting everything else be overflow. That was the best I've ever felt. And I sometimes watch him when I'm, you know, running around the park and trying to get things done. And I'm being productive. And I've got, you know, another meeting to go to or whatever. And again, I love this life, I've chosen this life, I like to get things done, I love my home, my big home, like I love my things. But also I can see sometimes it's really helpful just to sit in this to sit in. Actually, the simple things are sometimes just so beautiful. And we add so much pressure to ourselves, sometimes that doesn't need to be there. And it's just been a really cool reflection. And you know, over the years, I feel like this man has taught so many lessons. And he's been a really nice mirror or reflector for me to notice where my stress levels are at. Because when I'm watching him sometimes and I'm like, jealous, I just want to kick back and read a book in the park, I want to have nothing to worry about except for you know, am I fed and nourished. And that is the truth is I've got all those basic human fundamental needs met, I'm very privileged and I've chosen a life with you know, a bigger house and you can live anyway, you can go live however the fuck you want. I'm choosing this and I accept that. But also, it's a really nice reflection and mirror when I'm looking at him some days and I might Aha, and I feel myself being like I'm jealous. That's my indicator. That's my reflection or okay, you need to start chilling out a little bit. You've gone a little bit too hard or maybe your body is screaming for a bit of relaxation. Cool. Let's let's rein this in. So it's that but also I think there's been some really cool lessons and there's a couple takeaways I just want to leave you with one where are you letting your map of the world influence how you treat people judge people interact with people or what you assume of people. And so that example of what my assumptions around homeless people I see this come out all the time. In other ways where you are projecting or letting your map of the world dictate how you show up in your business, show up in your life show up in your relationships. And sometimes you might be pitying people making assumptions about people wishing that they would do things your way. And it's creating friction. It's creating all sorts of relational issues. So I see this play out, for example, in business, I see people who project onto their audience are, but this audience doesn't have money. And it's like, well, hold on, don't let your projections and money wounds come into the story. I've heard it all like, are but single moms won't have money all but the young people don't have money. And am I Oh, to be honest, I've been very much surprised. And you're making a lot of assumptions about your audience, and who has money, etc, etc. So I see that I see people in relationships getting frustrated when they go through a period of growth, or they learn to do things a certain way, or they become more conscious, or they become more X, Y, Zed, and then all of a sudden, there's this frustration and friction with other people that aren't coming along with other people that aren't also doing it their way. And that's actually really letting it's not fair. It's actually just because you've grown just because you say things a certain way. Just because it's how you think people should live doesn't mean it's their truth, doesn't mean it's what they want doesn't mean it's their journey. And so, sometimes, and you know, parenting, this is another really interesting one. How are you teachers, parents, people who are in who have a lot of power over younger people's decisions and liars? Where are you letting your map of the world influence how you make other people feel they should live without letting them be the autonomous and sovereign person that makes decisions for their own life. So projections is a really big takeaway there. Like I said, I was pitying this man, when I first moved into this place, a lot of the time now I look at him with admiration, I look at him with respect, I look at him as a teacher, I look at this man, sometimes with a little bit of envy. And that is because this man reminds me of the simple things in life. This might this man reminds me that if you've got full time, and you've got somewhere to live, and you've got, you know, your basic fundamental needs met, and the simple things in life, like sitting in the sun and reading a book, and you know those things, that is beautiful simplicity is bliss. He reminds me all the time, that the little things are the big things, that sometimes we go way too fast paced, and we need to just bring ourselves back to, I'm fucking good, like, life is good. The problems that I have probably aren't gonna matter in 510 years. And again, contradiction. It's not to say don't don't strive for things. That's not to say don't have goals. It's not to say you can attach yourself to material things or anything like that, if that's your thing, fucking go for it. It's just about really allowing yourself to see that sometimes the simple things in life are the best things, and this guy has, has taught me that and reminded me of that. And then the other thing, success. This guy, to me, is a success. In fact, he's the ultimate success. And again, I'm filling in blanks and making assumptions. But from what I can gather, I'm getting the sense that this guy has chosen to live like this. This guy actively wants to be here. This is how this guy wants to live, he hasn't asked for any change, he seems very content, he's got people that come and visit him, he doesn't want it any other way. And he has actively and intentionally chosen this life. And that, to me, is a fucking success.

18:34

I don't give a fuck what your version of successes. If your version of success is living on a bike and living on a 10 and not owning anything, and exploring countries then fucking do it. As long as you're progressing towards what your version of success is. If your version of success is being a stay at home mom and having the the emotional capacity and the time to nurture and care for the kids how you want to, and that's what you've created, you're a fucking success. If you want to hustle and build a seven figure eight figure Empire, and if you want the Lamborghini and the fucking whatever the fuck else, the Prada. If you want that, and you're actively and intentionally designing and building a life where you progressively move towards the thing that you think is important. You are a success. Success is subjective. We live in a society that tells you success is one way I stand so strongly in success is whatever the fuck you decide it is, you just need to intentionally choose how you live. And you can't do that if you're copying projections from other people. And you can't do that if you're extremely impacted by the judgments of others. You've got to be courageous enough to go inwards to know what your version of success is and to have the courage to really fucking live it. And that to me is the ultimate success that to me is someone who is living authentically. That to me is inspirational either don't give a fuck what it looks like I care that you are living in a way that feels good to you. And whether that's not having a home or having a big home. Like I said, this guy has inspired me. And I think he's just, again, filling in the blanks. But I think he's the ultimate success if this is his choice, and he's happy, and this is how he likes to live, fucking power to this man. And he's taught me so much. And so I wanted to leave that with you Just something to think about a few things to consider. If actually, this is starting to really speak to you like, wow, I am not living the life that feels good to me. If you want to start to redefine success, if you want to get out of your own way and remove projections and stop worrying about the judgments of others, the judgments of yourself all of the little dickhead things that our brain does, that gets in the way between us and our version of success. Level Up Your Life is for you. And we start literally this week, so you can still join. All of the information is in the show notes. And I would absolutely love to have you there's been so many people who have redefined their versions of success and created something that feels so fulfilling, myself included. And so I'm really excited to join you in level up this round. If that feels like the right fit for you. Like I said, everything's in the shownotes hopefully that's left you with something to ponder. Have a great week and I will speak to you here next time.