This week on the pod Bre is joined by her business mentor, best friend and coaching extrodinairre Steph Gorton. Think of this episode as though you’re eves dropping on a convo between gal pals as they chat about life, biz and everything in between.
Tune in to hear their thoughts on:
👯 The latest IG trend
👯 Having all the freedom and not knowing what to do with it
👯 Letting go of shame around finances
👯 Battling with a desire to be relatable
👯 Leaning into the feminine
This conversation is so dynamic and fun you're sure to get something out of it.
The waitlist for Bre's new signature program The Mind School Method is open right now! You can join here.
This week on the pod Bre is joined by her business mentor, best friend and coaching extrodinairre Steph Gorton. Think of this episode as though you’re eves dropping on a convo between gal pals as they chat about life, biz and everything in between.
Tune in to hear their thoughts on:
👯 The latest IG trend
👯 Having all the freedom and not knowing what to do with it
👯 Letting go of shame around finances
👯 Battling with a desire to be relatable
👯 Leaning into the feminine
This conversation is so dynamic and fun you're sure to get something out of it.
The waitlist for Bre's new signature program The Mind School Method is open right now! You can join here.
All righty. I'm joined by my business mentor one of my very best friends. Seth Gordon. Let's just dive straight in to the hard hitting the real stuff the real the raw. I need to know have you bought yourself a bike yet? I have not bought myself a bike Devaney. The real the roll we send each other like daily messages and breathes like daily like telling me to buy a bike and I am almost convinced except I just fucking hate cycling. I feel like it's got on a prerequisite but the situation, but this is what you said about camping. I still don't like camping. I don't like having my feet dirty. Just realise that expensive experiment. Yeah. So it's Yeah, so welcome to my world. Yep. So yeah, so no, not a bike yet. But maybe I'll buy the world's best bike and then I'll still hate it. Literally, I'll try. I'll try. You will try. I was laughing to Paul because I was like Steph will get the best bike like the bike of dreams and then probably be like, Nah, I don't want it. And that's great, because I'll have the bike you like perfect, because then I can own the bike. Give it to you. So this conversation, I said to Steph this morning, when we're chatting like I don't feel like it's going to be interview styles, I think it's going to just be almost like, you guys are listening to us having one of our chats on the phone when we're being absolute goddesses in the kitchen. You know, peeling? Okay, learning to do one or two dishes. Yeah. So I feel like you're just in on the conversation that we have. This is the kind of conversation that we have all the time behind the scenes anyway. And I was saying to Steph, after reading your post, I read your posts about that, you know that whole trend. Instagram isn't real. This is what's going on behind the scenes, and I loved reading yours. It was beautiful. And I've loved reading so many I'm really enjoying it. So before we dive into this conversation, and we share some of the stuff, you know, going on behind the scenes for us. I want to know from your perspective with your business brain. What's your thoughts on this whole trend? And how does it relate complement support or detract from business and business strategy? Yeah, it's really interesting. I've been really trying to like and I know you will have been in the same boat trying to psychoanalyse this trend and trying to understand this trend because I figure out like what is it that is working so well with it? And I think because it started with the the top guns, right? So it started with the big with the big deals with the, you know, I don't know who they are. I can't remember the names but like there was a heap of like big girls, Amy Porterfield and all these girls that started sharing this content, right that were like, you know, and even the bigger dude like big dudes like homo Z's and the Dan Martel's and all these people will like they will all sharing this sort of content, right? So I think when industry leaders come out, and they do something like this, and people who and we will just talk about this off air, but like, I think what happens is we we put people on pedestals like Amy Porterfield, I'm just gonna use her as a perfect example. And we could think, Oh, my God, her life is so perfect. You know, she turns over $10 million a year. She's so amazing. She was amazing husband, they've got this house. Oh my god, it looks so good. And then they come out and they share something like this. Were like, Oh, she's a human. This is crazy. I actually connect with her. I relate with that. And I think that it makes us all feel like maybe for a hot minute. First of all, our shit is not as messy as we thought it was because somebody else is experiencing it. We feel less lonely in that. But too, I think that it also humanises that person, and they've had a stalled and makes them more relatable, and more almost like likeable. And so I think that the reason this trend is taking off so much is because we all want to be less lonely. We all want to be more relatable and likeable. I think the thing that's really interesting about it is that in order to get that we often have to go through potentially some murky water that we don't want to necessarily go through. And I think that's why the trend is catching so hard, because it's like, it's not easy to do. And anyone who's done it, it's really uncomfortable when you press post, like it's terrifying, actually, even for me. Yeah, yes. So interesting. And I've been psychoanalysing it to an exactly what you said about the pelvis stalling. I think that's definitely people are shocked to see that the people that they look up to have problems. And to me, I was thinking, it's almost like a sum because there was a big conversation. I don't know if you heard it, it started to turn this really beautiful opportunity for the people for people to connect into like, this is why Instagram is so fake. You know now I've lost trust for people because you own They show the highlight reel. But now I know what's really going on. I can't trust you like, I've seen a lot of that sort of rhetoric too. And to me that was more so showing the inability for people to hold duality, where it's like, actually, someone might be showing the seven figure years and the beautiful house and a great marriage and everything working. But that doesn't also mean that there's not other things going on. And when there's other things going on, that doesn't also mean that the beauty, the light is also truth. Like, we can hold wins and losses all at once. And they're both true. And they both can coexist. But that's like, I started to see the trend turning a bit like, oh, well, now I can't trust you, because you were only showing a highlight reel. I the thing that really annoys me about this is yes, duality. I'm so with you on that, because I just feel like, of course, there are light and dark in everyone's life at any one time, all the time, well, is not always all light. And it's not always all dark. And there is often most of the time has overlaps at different varying percentages, right. So, you know, sometimes it's 70% light, sometimes you have 30% dark, like if you had to really categorise that in your life, but there's always going to be an element of both. And so that's what that like duality and polarity lives. But the thing that really frickin annoyed me about where this trend went, was when I saw the like the kind of the first lot of people that I saw doing it, they I don't think that they said Instagram is fake. And here's what's real. And I think that the the the rhetoric of Instagram is fake. And here's what real here's what's real, that gave me the egg. Because yeah, it can be it can be curated, and it can be fake, but there are plenty of us plenty, you may hundreds of the people all pretty much all of our clients, hundreds of people that we know and hang out with all of our good friends, where we'll be honest as fuck. So it frustrates me that yes, there is a lot of fake stuff, of course. But like also, there's a lot of us who are sharing really honest, really truthful, really, like, you know, perfect linear perfectly, like really perfectly honest content that is putting out that we're putting out into the world. And I think a lot of people are now only seeing that as like, you know, if we're if we're sharing something that's not deeply core wounding right now that it's fake. And I think that's so interesting perspective to hold. It's so interesting. It's so interesting. I love it. And I think I was saying to you before, I haven't done this post, because I was my first thought was like, I don't think that there's anything that's shocking that my listeners or audience wouldn't know. But then I started jotting some things down. I was like, actually, there's so much nuance, there's so much to this, because you can never really reveal all of it in a caption, you can't really talk to the depths of it. So I'm pumped to have this conversation, I thought we could go back and forth with the five that we wrote down. And you can speak a little bit more to the ones that you wrote. So Instagram might not show for you. The first one that you said is I regularly feel like I'm not doing enough. Please explain. I would say that probably on like a six weekly or eight weeklies like bi monthly basis, I probably will cry to Tim, feeling like disappointed in myself, because I feel like I'm not being a good enough friend, that I'm not being that I'm not helping out enough with business, that there are problems our clients are experiencing that I can't jump in and solve that I wish that I could get them to take more action, I wish that we could impact more people. I wish that, you know, I wish that everybody could I sometimes feel guilty for what we've what we've created. And sometimes I wish that I just wish that everybody can have that. And sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough to give people that experience. And so I would say like even as a daughter, and you know, there's there's a lot there. But even as a daughter, I often feel like I'm just not doing enough. And I don't know if everyone feels like that I have seen a few people when they've shared this kind of content that they have said something similar. And I'm I think that when I share something like that, that's so there's very honest for me, I often feel like I what I tend to do is I tend to kind of try and find people who also feel that I feel very lonely when I feel misunderstood. And so for me why by sharing that and seeing other people say yeah, I feel like that to maybe just feel really like make me personally just feel less alone. But yeah, that's kind of where that comes from for me. Wow. And I think there's like such a beautiful part to that too. You know, like all of these parts that we'll talk about. They've got such a beautiful gift that come with them. Because when you sometimes feel like you're not doing enough, you're always looking for ways to improve. You're always looking for ways to add value. And of course that makes a great entrepreneur. It makes a great, I mean that's what's created successful because you and Tim have always looked through that lens, but it can feel heavy and mindless. First one. But I think for me, like one of the things on that is like, I think that we often try to uphold other people's standards. And so when I feel like I'm not doing enough, it's like, by whose standard because I often think like, Yes, I have high expectations of myself. But also sometimes I see like the, you know, for example, like radio, so your like, a really, like, quality time is one of your biggest love languages. And I know that. And so I see you as an example, or going out with your friends and like spending whole weeks away, or weekends away, or long weekends with their friends. And that might trigger me into being like, I'm such a ship friend, because I don't spend that quality time with Brienne. I don't do that. And, and then I have to remind myself that like, you don't have to be that friend. Like, they're you add value in different ways. And like, I think sometimes we can often like, like, we create this pain like Oh, braided, we share that she was away with a friend. And I was like, immediately made that mean something about me, which is a really interesting thing that humans do, right? And so I think that when if anyone else experiences, it's like not feeling good enough or feeling like you should always be doing more, it's like, okay, by whose standard? Like, who? Whose standard Are you trying to meet? And do you even want to meet that standard? Or you just think you should? Because I think then like, that's what they have to constantly question myself is like, where's the showed here, because that's what's creating the pain. To know what's so interesting about something you just said there, and this might be a shock to you even, you know, you saw me out with friends or doing the quality time thing, and it brought up something for you. And as a friend, as your friend, sometimes my stuff comes up because it's like, fuck, Yaga you grow so quickly and so fast? And you're so you know, and then I often have this fucking is Steph gonna outgrow me like, it brings up my teenage wounding that wounded little part of me, that's like, I hope that I can always expand you in ways and so even just that kind of stuff that goes on in the business world, in the personal development world. I think there's a lot of those pieces that people might not realise that going on in the social media world, you're seeing your friends growing and doing things and yeah, I've often, you know, had that fear of like, am I am I going to be enough to expand you, you know, and it's so interesting. And just like, guys, I hope you're listening to this. You just realise like, Barry and I are best friends. And we talk all the time. We don't talk about this stuff all the time. And so like, it's a really interesting thing that happens behind closed doors, even with people who I'm putting this inverted commas do though work like this shit will come up, it will continue to come up, you will continue having to work on it, you know. So tell me what your first one was, though. Tell me what yours I'm doing. My first one was pretty much the same. And it was along the lines of like, I don't feel like I conform too much to outside shoulds. But my own expectations of myself are exceedingly high. And what I've noticed is that often means I robbed myself with joy and celebration, because right after I've achieved something, I start putting the pressure on the delivery, and how much I need it to be my own expectations. Like, for example, the mine school, it's starting in a few weeks. It's something I've had on my heart for years. And I often feel it happens when I go to speaking engagements. When I'm gonna be when I've been booked at a school. I love speaking I love teaching. But after I've had that when sometimes what happens is like the dread kicks in, and it's a dread of my own internal expectations of like, is it going to be enough? Am I going to deliver to my own standards? Am I going to let everyone down? Is it got like, and my own internal stuff sometimes robs me of the ability to just celebrate. And everyone looking will be like you did so well. You're so incredible. And it's like, yeah, but you don't know what's going on in my mind. And that's something I've had to really sit with because so often I've been like, wait, I just got what I wanted. And now I want to enjoy it is that I just find Do you think that's a perfectionism thing? Or like, would that would that leave in that realm? Do you think? Like, yeah, it was good, but it could have been better, like, does it leave in that realm? Yeah. And it's so funny, because I've never identified I was literally talking about this report this week, never identified with perfectionism ever. But the more I researched it, the more I understand my own shadows, the more I start to see actually, it is a perfectionism thing. It's like but it could always be better and therefore why celebrate because you can. And again, that that leads you to performance and to growth, but sometimes it feels heavy, and I've had to really, really work upon that. And could it also be that because I know we spoke about this as well. Could it also be that you just really struggled to receive okay, sorry, I'm jumping ahead. Because it's the only ship because you're not enjoying it because you're receiving so like because straight after you speak right like the word the first thing that happens the minute you speak is everyone comes up to you and like oh my God changed my life. Oh my god, that was amazing. Oh my god, thank you so much. And like if you're receiving you could just remember. Mine is different though. I don't know about you. I have that sense of dread all the way leading up to it. And then when I'm on I'm in my zone. I'm happy as I am like oh Ah, I feel like I'm channelling I feel like I'm on top of the world. And then I'm like, Ah, I can start. It's like I have this big exhale, but in the lead up to the lead up to it, okay? It's when I start to be like, Whoa, this feels heavy because of my own standards. Yeah. Interesting. I am. I did a hypnosis session I told you about this, but I would love to show people who are listening to the Hypno session. And, and basically, we went through this whole process of like, realising that, like, I am the fucking gift, which is just a really powerful Hypno session. And it was basically like, when you She basically got me to, like, go to the safe place and see myself in the safe place. And then she was like, whenever you're sharing stuff with people, you're coaching them, you're going to retreat, you're speaking on stages, I want you to imagine that, like you're inviting people into this magical place that you have created. And like rather than like, because what we because what you're doing is you're like trying to perform to please or you know, for them, like, oh, this, I'm doing this for you. Whereas like, if you reframe that, and you kind of go like, I'm inviting you guys into my magical fucking world. And this is like me was a cubby house, which is LoL. Oh, let's stop. Let's say that was my pink cubby house. You get to come in. And so how cool was it in here? Like it can't be house and get excited about it rather than like, because it could you're like, This is me coming to you coming to see me inviting you into my world versus the power players the dynamic. Like you're like, oh, I need they're paying me I need to deliver for them. Whereas if you just like so sure that your shit was like the copy house of dreams. You'd be so pumped to share it with them the whole way. That's so true. So true. I love that hip. No, that was a really cool hip. No, it was a really cool one. Yeah, that's wicked. I love it. What so you're number two. I love this one. Hence me. Guys. This is why I'm like Steph, go caravanning Steph, get a bike. Let's learn to cook roasts for our husband. Yeah, number two was created freedom. But I don't know what to do with it. Yeah, I have been really it to be fair, I think are hanging out the back end of that at the moment. But for the last three months, it's been something that's been really painful for me. Because I actually felt like a failure, which is such an interesting thing. Because I didn't like a preach this. And I didn't know it, right? Like I preached like, get time and financial freedom, and then you get it, then I was like, all I want to do is work. And that wasn't because I wanted to work. It's because I had fear of not working, I had fear of it all going away. I fear that if I didn't, I had a belief system that I had to keep doing what I was doing to be able to keep progressing. But you do get to a tipping point in business where you don't actually need to do as much you actually have to do a hell of a lot less actually, they want to witness you doing a lot less. And so I've had to really be bored, I've had to be very bored. And that's been very frustrating and very uncomfortable. And I know you've done us a few boredom sessions, and it is painstakingly uncomfortable when you're a high performer. And when I get so much value from output, it's really hard to stay still. But what I have been doing is just trying lots of new shit, which makes sense and things that I had to reframe a lot of stories like, I don't want to do that too. Just being like, Okay, well, why don't you just try though, like, so I will try biking, I will try going on a bike by doing it mobility, too, because those types are going to be nice. And it's the hips, right? Because I've got back pain. So I was like, I need to get that sorted. I have the time I want to learn how to run I want to run 10 K's I'm broken. I'm starting tennis lessons. I like I've been doing a lot of like I've been cooking we've been we've been having cook chats. So yeah, I think like I just had to accept I think the first thing was I had to be okay with the fact that I am now doing less in my business, and it is still continuing to grow. And I had to actually see the proof of that first before I could trust myself enough to actually slow down and then actually be bought enough to find the things to do. That's I feel like that's a really common one. Surely. Yeah. Holly commented, and she was like, someone commented, and she was like, No one talks about the nervous this is the nervous system deregulation that you actually need to do once you hit your goal because like, like for anyone listening, it's in business, what got you there is not going to be what gets you to the next level. You will have to do once you crack a certain point you actually have you will have nothing to do love chat and it is so uncomfortable because you spent time trying to get there, you know? Yeah, that's huge. What's your well, my number two was. So my business at the moment is the best distraction for the fertility things going on behind the scenes. And I've been struggling quite a lot quite a lot more than I've ever struggled with anything as an adult. I have been crying almost every week. I went to a different appointment a few months ago and the lady's words were you have inhospitable ovaries, and IVF probably isn't even viable for you at the moment and I'll It's like, ah, like, I feel as I built this whole company, if I really pull this back, my business is built off the love of kids. Like I left the education system, I wanted more for kids, I wanted more for children, and then to be hearing behind the scenes, things like that. I've, I've really struggled with the knowing the logical knowing that I need to, or and want to calm the nervous system down, reduce my stress, reduce the tabs in my head, I know that there's an importance there. And also, like you just said, it's really uncomfortable. There's fear that comes with that, what's going to happen if I just dropped the balls and businesses, the greatest distraction from the pain and the fear of like, what's going on with my fertility stuff. So yeah, that's just been a huge one. And I do feel like I've shared that. And I don't think that's a shock to anyone, but some days are really hard. And then you know, you've got to rock up and teach the class or be there for your clients and do all the business things and you're holding a lot, you just hold a lot. And do you think that you'll change anything moving forward around the way you do business to better align with that neuro de lo, do you think the business is creating more tabs? Do you think that? Like, where where does it? Where does this WHERE ARE YOU landing at the moment with all of that? At the moment, I'm landing in, I create the extra tabs to keep myself busy? And I'm saying that, like you just said like, oh, well, what am I going to do? Just sit sit at the beach all day and talk to my spirit baby like, what am I actually going to do? You know? Like, yeah, it does have this, like, what am I going to do? Like, you know, focus on, everyone says, like, we just focus on but and then a lot of people say, when you stop thinking about it, when you just release control when you stop, you know, trying, then it'll happen and I'm like, Okay, well, I'll just keep going on with business as per fucking usual. But then if you don't change something, nothing's going to change. So I'm definitely looking more at you know, automating things, going back to the main school being my one and only call it off. Hiring, things like that, but ultimately, it's amazing. It's a me having the discipline, to not work and having the discipline to do more backroads and the discipline to do more cylinders. And the discipline like it actually takes discipline for me does to not work. Yeah. Yeah, I feel that so deeply. It's also once you do regulate, or down regulate, you're like, whatever. I don't know what that word means. I don't know what those words off. But something like downregulate Yeah, once you do that, like it's really it's almost like the, it's like hard to get going. That's what I'm worried about. I'm the pendulum swing, like I can max or Relaxo or bullet a gate. My friends, obviously. Oh, man. Ah, your third one was, I'm reminding you by the way. I don't know if you have your Instagram. Your third one was, I'm what? I love this one for you so much. I'm working on being myself and a business coach. Please explain. So like, Oh, great. I feel like you really met me in this phase. Whenever I got in business coaches thought like I have to I don't know, when I first became a business coach. I didn't feel like that. I was very much like Steph Gordon, the person who's teaching business right? Like that was really like I was just me. I was like, I like if I go back and look all my Insta Stories back then I never will like never had my head on. Never like always like, which is walking in the park just sharing thoughts like super like just really off cough. Like life thought sharing. And somewhere along the way. I just I guess I don't I don't know when or how it happened. But I suddenly just I think I became more successful. I probably thought I probably need to put a bit more effort in it was probably like that was probably the connection that I made and like I need to like level up my staff or whatever. And and what it actually did was it created so many conditions for me on like, you have to look a certain way you have to behave a certain way you can't for a while there I didn't swear. And like I swear. So this isn't making sense because you would if you join my programme, you will hear me swear and so like who am i Pretending to be like why am i Pretending to be a way that I may be? I'm not necessarily like and so for me it's been a real almost coming back to just being so passionate about things that I'm talking about whether that and I think sharing more of my life and but to be fair, I would say that and then also the last couple of weeks I've been so off Instagram I don't know if anyone else has been feeling this way that I have just been like not wanting to log in not wanting to get on. Like I have just been like almost like want to throw my phone in a dirt patch in my front yard and just like Can never pick it up again. Yeah. And so I go through a little faces like this, I'm going to zero to 100, probably very similar to what you said. And so at the moment, I would say, like, I'm gonna step more into that and be more, like, wholly focused on like, just done is better than perfect approach and really just sharing more of my personal life and behind the scenes and things like that. There's also an element of fear of judgement of doing that, because we have a pretty fucking cool life. And people do get quite triggered. People do message me and say that they're triggered by it by stuff that we share with the hot tub. And, you know, I know that's not everyone's reality. I get that. I totally know that. And it's part of me that wants me like the relatable girl. And this was like, oh, yeah, but we bought this really cool shit. And like, I want people to know this is available. If you like, do the thing. And you have the money, you can do all the cool shit. Yeah, I wanted to do and this is like this weird thing that I want to do this, like dance where I, I want to be everyone's like, next door neighbour like best friend, like. But then I also probably don't live that much of a relatable life all the time, all the time, you know, and so I'm like, Oh, I can do the dance that I'm going to do anyway. Because, like, this is actually my life. And this is where I'm at. And I think it's quite I feel more comfortable sharing it than not. I'm so fucking proud of you. And witnessing you do the whole coming back to Stef and being both and showing both has been so fucking nice, like, so refreshing. And I resonate with what you just said, by the way that Instagram wanting to throw it in the bin. And it's it's almost like, I don't know if you feel this, maybe not. I don't think you do. But I feel like sometimes I have multiple personalities. And so to shut like half of me literally wants to go back to Alberni buy a big farm. Literally never wear shoes. Again, never like throw away old technology, live off the grid, do my own farming, and live off the bloody farm like car for me is like your goals. I love that. I don't want to do social media. I don't want to do it. And then the other half of me is like big stages, Ted Talks, book deals, I want to know I want it now. I like the you know. And so I do that same thing with social media. Like I love it. I love content creation. I want to YouTube channel, I want to grow the podcast. And then I want to throw technology in the bin. Have you heard that? Yeah, I do. I get both. And I'm the same because Tim and I are like, Let's go live off grid and let's never talk again. And then like the week after, like mass impact must reach more people. Like, Bose like just like there's so many things that like Yeah, and I think I think what I've just accepted is that this is the desk that is my life. And and, and you me show up consistently no matter blocking what? Yeah. So back to like anyone who's listening to this? Yes, it's okay. It's okay to want to do that. It's okay to have downtime. It's okay to like, but Bry you post every fucking day regardless, like and so yeah. And so the why. And so there's this thing where it's like, Yes, I get it. And yes, you can have a lot more downtime and a lot more like Tim's actually been off social media for last week, and no one seems consistent, right. Yeah. And so he's been scheduling stuff out and didn't schedule stories out, like all the things so you wouldn't even know he has literally not been online for a week. Love Story. Says, has he noticed any personal happiness? Yes. But in WI by way of like on his social media, I actually don't know. I'd need to check in to make sure we'll do it. We'll do a test on that. Have a little look back and report the fine. Yeah. Love it. What do you love? Oh, this one's juicy. You already know this one as my business mentor. So my accountant a few months ago was like break this year financially. We're going backwards, what's going on? And I held so much shame around that. Like, and although it was an intentional thing, like yes, I've kind of closed my signature programme. And pivoting my business. I'm growing this whole new mind school thing, you know, it's back. It's it almost feels like back it. It feels like back at day one to some extent. And I had struggled with that big time. Like, I felt like a little kid that had been told off by the accountant and that I'd done something wrong. And I felt so Shamy and I was like, wow, this is really interesting. Even though I sort of knew I really held a lot of that and I think that that comes up quite often in business where money is a metric for in some ways how you going? And so to then see and paper are going backwards in his words. It brings up a lot of shit. It does and I think money is a main measurement of progress in business and one that most people want to see move. And I also just think we it's probably a lesson for you in realistic expectations and seasons of business because you or maybe even just being across it so it was less of a surprise. because it's one of those things, right where it's like, like, we knew that we were gonna go backwards for a period when we launched. Yeah, because yeah. And also, one thing I've learned, and actually homos, he said it I thought it was such a fucking cool thing to say. He was basically like, when he was making the decision to sell his business, Jim launch, who basically said that, the minute he made the decision to sell, he should have sold to the first buyer. And he said, the reason being the minute that you make a decision to do the next thing, you end up taking one foot out, and you have one foot in one foot out of each court you're doing. And when you end he decided to sell but then he still was like, fully in it, because he was like, I'm gonna grow it to this point, so I can sell it. But he was like, Simon, so you've already given yourself an out, you're already your foot out the fucking door, you're already. Next thing. You're already split focus. And he was like, I should have just sold the first person that came along, because he spent he said he spent two years trying to get the revenue up and actually went backwards. Wow. Because he was like, he was already out in his mind. Like he already laid that out. And I was like, That makes so much sense. Yeah, so if you were all if you were running low, and you were building mine school, you immediately had the next focus. And so it makes sense that like, that would be it just would have made sense. And that's in that season that like you can't, and we're really big on master one and split focus and things like that, as you know. And so like, it makes sense. Like when I was when I had PMP and I have successful him, he just was dying, a really sad and painful death. And because I very much measured by number, I was like, What the fuck is happening? This is the worst thing. Yeah. And I also knew that that was because I was birthing something bigger and better, create more impact and have a lasting impact. And so, but I feel you have so fucking been there and it is so confronting and it's even more confronting when accountant, because like they all kind of like a finance teacher. Yeah, you're like you. Yeah, it doesn't. It wasn't a shock. But it was my good girl archetype that was like, Oh, now somebody's seeing, like, I'm being called, like, I knew it. But you don't need to say it. Like, you know what I mean? It was just like, oh, I need to have a way with your accountant about wording things with your language. Just because like she triggered me a little. It'd be like, alright, darling. But I'm just saying the numbers. You're like dark. You can't say the numbers. Yeah, no, it sounds like kids can kiss you did really well. Yeah, literally put it in a shit sandwich for me. But it was it was good. And it was just I actually think a lot of people and I've had clients working on this because it's a mindset thing. It's like, your identity, your self worth your ego. All of that can get wrapped up in your, in your finances. Yeah. And so it's a lot of work sometimes to detangle the emotion from from the matrix. And I've often had to go through it in the last few months. So that was that was my third one. Yeah, and your fourth one, which I really resonate with. I'm loving leaning into my feminine right now. So Tim, and I did mushrooms over the years. And we were on 75 pallets we couldn't drink, but they didn't say that you couldn't eat vegetables. So. Okay. Anyway, so we did that and, and we had this really like cool really like, like, I guess like, I've never really done medicinal kind of level mushrooms before, but they were it was really like therapeutic for both of us. And and I had this realisation that I actually like Tim was Tim kind of has asked me this really open question. He was like, Do you trust me? And I was like, of course, like with my life. And he was like, Cool. So why don't you just let me make business decisions. And I was like, well, he's like, do you enjoy them? And I was like, No, I don't, I don't, I wasn't enjoying making the decisions. I wasn't enjoying doing the money. I wasn't enjoying doing the things. Like I was not feeling lit up by it. I was feeling frustrated by it. It was making me snappy. I felt like I had too many tabs open. I felt too exhausted. And he was like, so just let me do it. And I just every part of me was like, no, like, and he was like, I was like, Yes, I do. I literally trust you with my life i cos I trust you with our finances. Like we're both in this 5050 Right, like in terms of like, we have our houses and our cars and our wife that we have to pay for also. So I was like, Okay, let's give it three months and I'll just let you run the business and you just don't run anything past me and I just let you do it. And it has been the most fucking insanely amazing thing that we have decided to do. Tim's definitely felt the pressure but like it's allowed me to just really learn how to be feminine. Again, I've picked some stuff up since then I've taken definitely taking some more role back in the business as I realised that I wanted to that I needed the space to find that and just to soften and make time to cook and nurture and have fun and have joy and experience peace and all of these things that I just wasn't allowing myself to do. And I think I think The feminine cathartic This is very specifically in a relationship. So I, what I allowed was I allowed my feminine to thrive and I allowed him to lead. Just to be very clear, that was very intentional decision. If you were single, I don't know how you navigate this. I can't give you that advice. But in my marriage, it's been very healthy and very amazing for us. Because there's nothing more sexy. I feel that the sexiest thing is like, I'll handle it from a man like I love like when Paul says that, I've got this. I've got that. I've got that sorted. Don't worry about it. I'm like, oh, exhale, like sliding off my chair. That just makes me feel so like art taking care or Italy. Like last night we cooked I cooked dinner, I got a beautiful meal. And then Tim was like, You know what, I'll fit dogs. You go shower, I'll clean everything up. You just go get yourself ready, put your like moisturisers on or your things and I was like, I just feel sorry. Like, I know that so, but it was like ambition as well. He didn't just like he didn't just say, Don't worry, I'll do it. Like he was like you go shower, or you go look after yourself. Like extra level of just like, go and do the things that make you feel really good. Because I feel really good. It was like that invitation like, yeah, it's just so those little things that just are so impactful when you let them run because Marta staff because I love to be a martyr I'm in very good. Yeah, monitor, but I'm like, no, no, I'll do it. You go chill. Yeah, but I allowed him I just allowed him to do it. I went upstairs, I did took the fucking shower. You know, it was amazing. And so where are we not allowing that in where it's actually probably being offered. But we're just like rebutting it, you get 100, especially if you're a business owner, or you're a coach, you're so used to being the supporter, you're so used to being the one that helps others, it's actually just a huge dynamic shift, like a huge dynamic shift I've had, I've had the same my number four was the same thing. Like, I find it difficult to receive, as you know, I'm very good at giving. When it comes to saving, I sometimes gotta be like, oh, and I think too, when you're a mindset coach, and you're very hyper, you've been conditioned, almost through years of just being in your masculine, your mindset becomes really, really, really strong, to the point where it almost becomes a weapon. And it's almost like, not that not I don't want to say gaslighting because I'm just not using that language. But it's like, for example, with the fertility stuff. My mindset is so strong, almost stubbornly strong. That I'm not willing to hear anything that the specialist tell me because I'm like, Nope, I'm having a baby. I'm not listening. I'm not hearing it. I'm not law and I get so headstrong, but then I find it hard to feel because I'm living above and living above the neck. And I and I then find it hard to really feel the big feelings because I'm doing such a strong, you know, such a good job of being strong in the mind. And I think that ties into receiving because receiving is feeling. And I'm still always working on that part of me the feeling rather than the thinking because I love thinking and thinking is my happy place learning is my happy place. analysing these is my happy place, you know, and when you've been doing that for years, it's like, oh, just stop it. Pause it fucking stop. Like just feel. I remember when and anyone who doesn't know this, but like Bree and I got married, within not that far from each other. Yeah, a few months, few months of each other. And we both were like picking our wedding songs together. And like all the fun things, it was really sweet. And one thing that we were both so terrified of was just receiving and having to feel the amount of love like it's almost uncomfortable to talk about now. I get to like choked up in my throat. Like to love somebody that much publicly and to feel that depth of love for somebody publicly and to allow that emotion to take over. Which is like the most uncomfortable thing in the world. Both of us like it was so unkind to like, going into that day. Nothing scared me except that. Yeah, and I cried more. This is again, a representation of that. I was and people said it to me like walking down the aisle to your wedding. I was sobbing like sobbing. I could not pull myself together. I cried so much at your wedding. At mine. I didn't shed a tear, because it was too much. I could shock it feel it for you. I could feel it for Tim. I was then I was oh my god feeling it so deeply on wedding was just a big fucking cry fest for me. But then at my own it was almost like so much so overwhelming that I didn't cry until I watched the video. I didn't cry until a few days later. And it all sort of hits me after the fact and again, like I know this this is usually a sign of overregulated. Sorry, overregulated. I'm just regulated. Like it's too much and I just like and again, this is why I'm like I'm really practising that receiving slowing down feeling. Yeah, I'm so whether you I find it really hard to receive as well. But we're working on it. We are working on it. We're working on it. We're getting the last one which I think we're both on the same wavelength here. So maybe in slightly different nuances. Your you said sometimes I feel lonely. And I think I think I create, I don't think I know that I create this for myself. I think if I put my hand up say I'm gonna go to coffee today who wants to come? That would be just endless amounts of people that would want to hang out? Yeah, I definitely feel lonely by like people I could hang out with or yeah, there are people that I could reach out to right now and call and they would answer we could chat and whatever. Yeah, I feel lonely. And I was actually debunking this with Tim, since I shared it in the last couple of weeks in our hot tub time that we've been having. And I figured out that I feel lonely, when I can't say what's on my mind, because I don't feel like anyone's gonna get it. And I do feel like, you know, in some ways, I feel like it kind of comes back to one of the first points we made was that I feel a little bit on relatable sometimes. And I kind of feel like, you know, when I'm talking to people that I might have been, you know, this about me, I get a little bit scared, I'm gonna say the wrong thing, or that I you know, I do have a lot of privilege. And I do have a lot of like, really blunt, be really honest about it, you know, I have a lot of privilege, I have a lot of really good shit in my life, you know, and sometimes I forget what it's like to be, for example, someone who works nine to five and has limited income and limited resources. And so sometimes in conversation, when I'm hanging out with those people, I say shit, and I'm like, I catch myself and I berate myself for and then I, and then I just, and then it feels like a really not good thing for me to do. And so then they just stop doing that. And then over time, I've just completely isolated myself from people, because I'm so scared to say that something that's going to make someone feel any kind of feeling like whereas that's inferior or like, or like I'm judging them, or that's never what is happening. And so I have this thing where I've kind of made myself lonely. Because because I feel like I'm unrelatable, which is such an unhelpful belief system that I have created, and that I'm definitely working on at the moment with people because it's unhelpful for me and I and it does force me to be and spend a lot of time alone. And most of them I feel lonely when I don't have the chance to talk about what's really going on for me and something that I'm really worried about. And, and often, I think I could probably share that with most people, that I almost feel like, I always feel unworthy of the problems that I have. Because my problems are privileged problems. Right? Like, yeah, what is that? Like? It's a golden noose? Yeah. And so I do sometimes feel a little bit like that. That's, that's where that kind of comes from. Once you're like that, yeah, similar, similar, but different. I feel lonely quite often. And I really don't like working from home. Like, I really don't. I've said this to you before, when I was working inside of your company, I was like, Can we get an HQ please, for the love of convincing, I almost did it. I wish it did. Like I'd still I still say to Paul quite regularly, like I'm Miss teaching so much not the teaching, the getting up and then going to a classroom and seeing your colleagues and having people to talk to and having staff and having after work drinks and you know, banter that happens in the staff room, and you're pulling the piss out of your bosses and all of that I'm such a people person. And I've built a business that I love, I built a business that's got time freedom and creative freedom and all these things. But a lot of the time I'm at home on a laptop. And that's lonely. And again, it's not lonely, because I don't have an abundance of amazing people in my life. I definitely do. But on a note, like on a Monday to Friday, it's just not it's not that you're looking for like you'll only for work colleagues, like you want work colleagues and like I want like, the thing that I want is like a people who I feel like I can be safe with right, like I can say something to and it's not going to get twisted or perpetuated or shared online or gossiped about those things. So like, it's two different, it's like different things, but like, it's, it's cool to get really clear on that so that you can harness and create more of that and like you and may have had conversations for you and your business about like, this is why mine school was in person because like, one everyone needs more in person and too because like you fucking fry you thrive in that environment. And that's why Yeah, awful. Yeah, yeah, I'm so looking forward to it. Yeah. So is there anything else that Instagram would be shocked to know about your Stephanie? Oh, like, probably a lot to be on shaky face just saying like, like, gamble, gamble, gamble. Like Good Luck. I know. There will be a lot but we'll share it over time. As I get more comfortable and more confident I think I think you maybe we we have we see really odd on a lot of issues in the world. And I think one day I would really like to use my voice in a more powerful way to support things. I'm probably comfortable and ready and they're right yet and I think that's something that I think when you're stepping into a PA Like imagine a public eye and you're using your platform for good or whatever it is like there's, like criticism that's going to come with that. And I personally probably just don't feel ready received that yet. And that's it like they really need to work on right now. Yeah, but yeah, that's that's, that's probably it for me. What about you anything else? Not really, I think the same thing. I'm an open book. And sometimes also, and I'm, what do you think like? Yes, we've got? Well, of course, we've all got opinions about lots of different things like you. And I chatted about political things, and you know, all sorts of things. But to a certain extent, I'm like, this is a business page. And it's also using restraint and maturity to know that not everything is for your business page. And so my view on it has always been like, Yeah, cool. I've got heaps of shit I can talk about if it's relevant. I will, like everyone knows how I feel about the education system. Everyone knows that not everything. I believe it needs to be a big vulnerability share for the sake of it. Partly 100%. And I don't think we need to jump on political bandwagons just to jump on them either. I would prefer people just to jump on them. Like if it really resonates not because other people are doing it. Yes, a lot. But outside of that, yeah. Like I think I totally agree with you. And I think it's different for us. Because we do share pretty honestly, and very vulnerably our opinions online, pretty comfortable. And there was a time when we didn't, because we were scared. And like there was a time where both of us were talking about I want to share more of my thought leadership. But we were too scared of being the mean girl or to being too honest, and not being nice enough. Because we don't we get all wrong. And we were scared to wrong. We were scared to be called off being wrong. Yeah. So we really worked on that over the last few years. And so for us, like, you know, we are sharing a lot more of what we think online anyway. Yeah, and I think it was really interesting. I think we had this conversation a while ago, where it was like, we both would have the same fear. But it would come from a different wound almost like even that you wanted to still be nice, and to not hurt anyone, and to make sure that you weren't going to make anyone feel a certain way. My shadow has always been, I don't want to be wrong. And that's always like, so interesting, just to look at our own concept of self or our own wounds from the past. Like, it's just so interesting. I think we've all got the same fears. But they usually come from a different type of wound. And when you get to the like, this is where I get frothy. But yeah, it's so interesting. Yeah, it's been so interesting, I've started to realise that even just reflecting that back at me so interesting, after all of mine come back to one wounding, and like not necessary one moment, but it was probably a lot of moments that happened to create the mass wounding that has been created. But like, it's so interesting, like, we filter everything through that one thing. And if you can just unravel and start, yeah, that one thing, it just, it helps you so much in every area of your life. Agree, which is why you need to do mine school, obviously. I was about to say. So what is for everyone segue is actually not a segue. But what is for people that are listening, that actually resonate with any of that stuff, feeling lonely, not being able to relax, not knowing what to do with time, freedom, feeling unrelatable feeling guilty, struggling with things behind the scenes, what are the things that have helped you the most? Like, the best thing that I could recommend that you do is like genuinely to like, this is really obvious. But like, for me personally, the number one thing that has helped, it's been understanding myself. And the only reason I can even share those thoughts online is because I understand what's actually happening. So yes, you know, like, I could say that I feel lonely, because I do feel lonely at times. And I also can articulate to you when and why I feel lonely, not just that I'm feel lonely, because loneliness can be solved tomorrow by inviting you over for a coffee. That is not the loneliness, that is the issue. And so yes, about like, if you guys, if you realise you're listening, because you really want to change your life, you have to truly understand what the actual problem is like, you can't fix something that you don't understand. And so the thing that I love about what Bree teaches and mine school and law, and literally any horse breeders is literally just the fact that it helps you to see yourself so fully, that you can actually work on the things that matter because there's literally no point in growing your business or trying to make money. We're trying to do things if you don't even know where, why or how you want them, trust me. And so like really understanding yourself and the way that you operate and the woundings like there have been times where I haven't posted because my biggest wounding is needing to be liked in case anyone needed to hear that and understand it, but my biggest warning is needing to be liked because I got very bullied at school. And so, understanding that that is my biggest wounding allows me I make a lot of business decisions through that wounding. I will do a lot of people pleasing through that wounding I will not share. I will not share boundaries because of that wounding. I will you know, burn myself out because of that wounding. Like there are a lot of things that I will do business decisions in life decisions in all decisions that come from that like not posting on social media because I'm sad to upset people this morning and understand where it is and what it is. is you will never be able to, like, address it and not fix it. It's not broken but circumnavigate it, because that's really what we do is we kind of work around it, it's not going anywhere, you probably never going to dissolve it. As far as I'm aware, I've worked on this for a lot of years, it's not gone. So all I'm learning now is to catch it and be like, Okay, let's just see that for what it is and try and make a new decision now in that in that feeling. And so if you haven't worked on yourself, if you listen to this podcast and you're thinking about anything that breeders you fucking have to do it, it is the best investment you will make into yourself like ever. And also you will learn valuable skills that will help your friends your family, your husband's like, if you want to be a coach, your clients like it is just so invaluable. That was not meant to be a massive advertisement to my products. But this is why it's great guys to get your friend on. It is true. It's so true. And I I live by it. I totally Yeah, everything you said I will shout from the rooftops and Right back at ya like Yeah, and I promise you guys like be listening like making more money is not the answer. So just to be really fucking clear. Like all the people you pedestal because they're rich, they're not happier than you they have, like they have equal amounts of shit they have to work through. If you guys are listening to this and you have businesses or you have jobs, you just think oh, if I just get to this point, then I'll be happy you're doing it wrong. So just get into like mind school and understand what actually you want. And then you will create happiness now and not at the next milestone. Oh, I love that. Let's end it there because and again, it's what's that quote? It's like the energy I don't think it's a quote, I think I made it up the energy that you're in, in, I think I did, but the energy you're in creating something is the energy you will feel when you've created it. And so it's like if you are creating from wounding, it's gonna feel fucking heavy when you get there and you won't know another way to get there because the only way you've seen results is to keep going from that wounded place. And so that's why I think people have burnout because they're creating on top of wounds and of course like you said, Yeah, I'm not gonna keep going because we'll talk for hours but guys if you have been living under a rock you need to go follow Steph if you've got a business and you're scaling your business you need to go follow Steph if you want to say camping files and probably biking adventures bales got high hopes coming up go follow stuff where we are very good at showing shit with basically great business great business that other thing that a life. Love you. Thank you so much. I'll put all of your stuff in the show notes. Thanks for the chat. No, it was so good. Um